I promise more Lorelai will enter the story after this chapter. :)
Luke POV
It's one of those gorgeous late Spring mornings where the world is lit in a magical warmth. Ethereal light bounces off every surface, colorful flowers are popping up all across town from their winter slumber, and every single human, well, except for maybe me, is overly thrilled to be alive.
It's hard to be happy when you fall out of bed in the middle of the night to a nightmare only to discover the woman you love more than anything isn't safely curled up in the bed next to you.
All because you're a damn fool.
Listen, it's easy to distract yourself from a breakup by busying yourself with work, taking care of your daughter, and just ignoring what happened between you and your ex-fiancé. But it's only a matter of time until your subconscious will force you to face the mistake you've made. If you won't face it during the day, apparently it'll ambush you in the middle of the night in a dream, just to remind you of what you've lost.
Here's thing thing, I've never been a kid guy. Ever. But the more time I spent with Lorelai, the more I wanted to have kids with her. I wanted to see her pregnant. I wanted to hear her asinine baby talk before the baby is born and after they're born. I wanted to be there to do it with her and more than anything, I wanted to be the man to give her what she told me she wanted all those years ago when she came crying into the diner. Her middle. Why I tore that away from her, I don't know.
Here's another truth to be spilled. I've never fallen asleep and dreamed about kids, and I definitely never imagined what our kids would look like, so Lilly and Will from that dream have taken root in the forefront of my mind. The realization that I not only lost Lorelai, but also lost the possibility of having kids with her, makes this entire breakup all the more worse.
April is the only good thing in my life now. Every other part has become dark and still and lifeless. An apropos anecdote of what my life has shrunken to become without Lorelai.
"Order up!" Caesar calls out from the kitchen, breaking me from my thoughts, as he delivers a full plate of pancakes to the counter.
With a defeated sigh, I make my way over to the serving window, take the plate and deliver it to a gentleman at the counter.
Have you ever had one of those days where you wish you were anywhere but where you are? Where you weren't with a bunch of people who know everything about you? Where you could just be a stranger? Yeah. It's one of those days for me. So when I notice a new customer hunched over a map on the counter a couple stools down, I make my way down to her, thankful for anonymity. "You lost?"
Big, unfamiliar hazel eyes rise and meet mine. My breath catches - genuinely catches. The woman sitting at the counter isn't anyone from town, so the miserable grumpy attitude I've adopted for the day isn't going to be acceptable here.
"Is it that obvious I'm lost?" she asks with an English accent, looking up over the map. "It's the map that gives me away, isn't it?"
I clear my throat, surprised by how attracted I am to this woman. Last night, I wrestled with the realization of what I did to Lorelai and wondered how I'd ever be happy again. It's amazing how everything seems so dramatic and hopeless in the middle of a dark endless night. I had to pour out a bottle of liquor, which usually doesn't control me, when the numbing liquid below my kitchen sink grew into a large menacing monster that begged for me to numb my heartache. I'm not saying losing Lorelai doesn't hurt anymore, but it certainly doesn't feel as though I'm going to drop dead at any minute.
After all, I'm a compartmentalist. I can put what happened between the two of us into a little box in my brain and secure it closed with a deadbolt. No problem. At least most of the time. Right now? Not so much. Today, my heart aches. I fight the urge to look down and make sure that my chest isn't cut open and oozing blood all over the diner floor.
"It's more the concerned look on your face."
"Ah, yes," She places an elbow on the counter and rests her chin in her hand. She gives me a coy look before giving me a good look over. "It's my third day trying to find Canyon Cove."
"Canyon Cove?" I ask reaching for the coffee pot and motioning it toward her. She shakes her head no.
"Yea, I thought I'd spend some time fishing, but I can't seem to find it." She cocks her head inquisitively to glance behind me. "Do you have any tea instead?"
"That's a great place for fishing, but you have to hike for about fifteen minutes before getting to the river. It's hard to find the trail head, there's a lot of natural growth around it and only a couple spots on the side of the road for parking. There's not an actual parking lot." I grab our tea selection and place it in front of her before filling her mug with hot water.
"I've figured that out the hard way. Finding the pull off for the trail head has been bloody impossible," She fingers through the tea selection before settling on English Breakfast. "Do you know where it is?"
"I do."
Her eyes sparkle mischievously as she dunks her tea bag into the hot water before looking up at me boldly. "Well then why don't you show me where it is?"
I laugh nervously, noticing the way she's appreciatively eyeing me. This isn't innocent. Not at all. She's attracted to me and I'm definitely attracted to her. I mean seriously, it'd be impossible for me not to be, she's a very attractive woman, but she's not the kind of woman I typically go for. She's small and petite, maybe standing only at five foot three or five foot four. She has long, thick, blonde hair covered by a hat to keep the spring sun from her face. She's full out dressed in outdoorware. If I had to guess, I'd guess her feet to be clad in practical hiking boots. I'd kind of like to see this girl out in nature. An added bonus is she doesn't look or sound or act anything like…
No! Stop thinking of her.
"Do you often go around asking strangers to take you to isolated locations?" I ask dryly. "How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"
"Are you?"
"If I was, do you think I'd tell you?"
She leans further on the counter, a finger tracing the rim of her mug, thoroughly immersed in our back and forth. "I don't think serial killers worry about the safety of the people asking them out. Although that bruise next to your eye makes you look a little dangerous. It's sexy."
And there it is. She just admitted to asking me out.
And thinking I'm sexy.
That's pretty good for my ego right now.
"Ah, well," I shrug. "Maybe that's my way of trying to appear innocent. Maybe I'm putting all my cards out on the table just to trick you."
She laughs openly and I fight the urge to glare at Miss Patty who's giving me an overly disapproving look from her table just past this woman's shoulder.
"Listen," she taps my hand with a finger. "I'm not like other women," She casually takes a long sip of her tea and lowers her cup. "I could care less about shopping and I love fishing and just being outside. I promise to not talk if I can twist your arm to join me."
I stand, lean my hand against the counter and glance outside. Here's the thing, Lorelai and I may not be together anymore, hell, we're not even talking, but this whole flirtatious conversation feels like cheating. Simply imagining fishing with this woman makes me feel guilty from head to toe. But the truth is, Lorelai's already moved on. Just last night, I glanced up in time to see her riding home in a silver Volvo with Christopher at the steering wheel.
I suspect that probably triggered the dream turned nightmare.
So why shouldn't I be happy? Why shouldn't I move on? What am I going to do, become one of those pathetic men who just hang around and stay single for the rest of his life because he lost the best thing to happen to him? Who's to say this…
"What's your name?" I ask.
"Abagail."
Who's to say this Abagail isn't the great love of my life?
I stand up straight, adjust my hat, and look around the diner. It isn't very busy and it's a perfect May morning for fishing. Didn't I just say I'd rather be anywhere but here?
Lorelai's moved on, so why the hell shouldn't I?
"Up," I whisper against her ear as I slide my hands down her sides to the back of her thighs.
She hops up as I crouch down and effortlessly lift her and lean her back against the wall. Her legs wrap around my waist, locking the two of us together.
"Oh you're strong!" she squeals appreciatively as her lips go to my neck.
I growl, push against her and groan when she moves her hips against mine. And to think I was worried I'd never want to be with another woman again. Yeah, right.
The light at the top of the stairs bounces down each stair, lighting the hall just enough so the two of us at the bottom don't have to stumble around in the dark.
Honestly, I hadn't meant for things to get this far with Abigail. I figured we'd spend the day fishing, divide up our catch, and go our separate ways by the end of the day. I thought we could become friends despite our obvious attraction to one another. I thought it'd be nice to have someone new to talk to or go fishing with. After all, in just two weeks, my world has become too small. Stiflingly small and insignificant and meaningless. I feel like I'm suffocating, deafened by the constant scream of silence that greets me in my apartment everyday after work instead of the brilliant smile and constant chatter of my fiancé. Well, ex-fiancé.
But Abigail had different thoughts. She's been silently flirting and teasing me all day. I'd glance at her at the stream and she'd be looking at me, a sexy coy smile on her pink lips. When we got back to the diner, she claimed she needed to use the 'loo' before getting on her way. Before I could even finish unlocking the alley door to the diner, she was up on her tiptoes all over me, kissing me, wrapping her arms around my neck. It felt damn good to be wanted.
Newsflash! The sun doesn't rise and fall with Lorelai!
When she lifts her head from my neck, I press my lips against hers hungrily. It's in this moment that dread peeks out his head to shake my hand and say hello. This doesn't feel right. She doesn't feel right. Nothing about this feels right. Abigail isn't tall enough so her legs aren't as long and don't wrap around me quite as comfortably, she's not soft in the right places, and she doesn't taste sweet like... shit. I trace the tip of my tongue across her lips, she opens, and I slide my tongue against hers sensuously, desperate for our kiss to erase the image of a gorgeous dark-haired, blue-eyed woman that begins to sketch itself behind my closed eyelids. Abigail moans appreciatively to my fervor, her hands sliding between the two of us as she works on unbuttoning her own shirt, mistaking my frustration for passion.
This is wrong! Don't use this woman this way! This isn't you.
But my heart clenches as my thoughts drag me back kicking and screaming to Lorelai. I throw myself at Abigail with renewed fervor, already knowing I will stop this before too long. This is wrong.
For a second, I'm certain there's some sort of sound emanating from behind the curtain in the diner, but I continue to make out with the woman in my arms. I convince myself it's my imagination, after all, there's no one who would be coming into the diner at this time. April is with her mom, Liz and TJ are home preparing to welcome their little addition to their family, and everyone else in town is walking on eggshells around me.
And just like that, with a whoosh, the curtain that separates the staircase from the diner, is flung open.
Wanting to see who the hell would have welcomed themselves into not only my closed, but also locked, diner at this time of night, I tear my lips away as quickly as possible, my bottom lip catching between Abigail's teeth. My head whips to the right to be looking into the eyes of the woman who was sketching herself on the back of my eyelids stroke by stroke just seconds ago. She stands directly to the side of me shocked, mouth hanging open, eyes hurt.
"Lorelai!"
She freezes, her puffy blue eyes widening in disbelief and then skirting over to Abigail as she takes in the sight of me holding another woman against the wall. The first few buttons of Abigail's shirt are unbuttoned exposing her ample bosom, her face is flushed with arousal, her skin is glistening where I've lavished it with kisses, her legs are wrapped around my waist. Obviously we were on our way to other more pleasurable events.
It's not lost on Lorelai.
For several quick seconds, she tries to speak, but only guttural sounds escape from her throat as she tries to figure out what to say. Until finally, she pulls herself together. "O-Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" Lorelai whispers, shaking out of her shocked state. She turns, drops the curtain and falls from my sight. I can hear her through the curtain muttering to herself over and over again, "Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god!"
I lower Abigail to her feet carefully and rush through the curtain.
"Lorelai!"
She doesn't look up or even acknowledge that she's heard me. Instead, she's grabbing her jacket and purse from the counter where she must have placed them before coming to look for me.
"You can not be mad at me!" I reach out and wrap my fingers around her arm to stop her from running. Finally! Finally I can reach out and take a hold of her without her being flung out of my grasp. But she flinches at my touch and then begins to flail in a scrappy way that I've never witnessed from her. Something fluttering from her purse to the floor in our power struggle, but neither of us pay it any mind. Unable to stand the idea of her walking away from me again, I hold on just tight enough to keep her in place, but not so tightly that I hurt her. Close enough that I can feel just how right she feels in my arms and get a whiff of her familiar perfume. And it's now that I know I will become one of those men who will never look at another woman again, even if I can't have her. "Why did you come here? Lore-"
"Luke, please, just let me go!"
Between the tears she's smacking away from her cheeks and the pleading in her voice, I do just as she asks.
"Lorela-" but before I can finish her name, she turns away from me, hastily walks across the dark diner with upside down chairs on top of tables, her heels clinking the whole way, swings open the door and rushes out into the night.
I stand staring after her through the windows for a moment before lowering a stool to the ground and falling onto it in shock. Considering the fact that Lorelai is a mastermind when it comes to avoiding people, she was the last person I was expecting to see today. Or ever again, really. Lorelai is the only one with superpowers strong enough to live in a tiny town and avoid someone. Why did she come here? Did she come here to get back together and I just royally messed up?
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were married," Abigail's quiet voice cuts through the quiet night. "I wouldn't have flung myself at you."
I jerk at the words, turning to find Abigail standing in front of the curtain. Her shirt is buttoned back up modestly and her purse hangs off one shoulder.
"I'm not."
Oh the irony.
"Well, I didn't know you had a girlfriend."
I sigh defeatedly, my heart twisting in my chest, before whispering, "I don't."
Her eyes flicker from me to the door and then back to my face questioningly. I know I should say more or explain or defend the fact that I'm not a cheater, Abigail is simply an innocent bystander of all that just went down, but I can't.
"I should go," she whispers. "Thanks for showing me Canyon Cove."
I nod, say nothing, and make no move to see her out. I'll have to call her later and apologize, but for now, I'm stuck.
I'm not sure how long it takes, but after a while, I shake out of my shock, swivel on the stool, lean my elbows against the counter and rest my head in my hands. I stare down at the ground, lost in my thoughts until my eyes land on what fluttered to the ground when Lorelai jerked away from me.
Curious, I slide off the stool, pick it up off the floor and flip it over. You know those scenes in movies where you see the briefest moment change everything for a character? All the air whooshes out of the room, everything becomes still, and without a word you just know that nothing will ever be the same?
This.
This is one of those moments.
