Brooklyn, New York.
They always say there's no sleep till Brooklyn. Yet with all the construction going around, it's too hard to get any. The clunking, clattering, and utter demolition going on in this city can be too much to bear.
Dozens of hard-hatted workers move around the site. One pair is off for their lunch break, looking awfully similar. Dirty. Dark mustaches. Italian. They even have matching bags to boot!
"That was rough." The slimmer one takes a bite of..spaghetti? "The heat, and all this dirt.." he shivers. "I need a shower pronto."
"Hermits like you need one." Mario gives a playful punch to the shoulder, as not to offend. Luigi's chuckle clear that up. "MMOs do a number on me, Mario..but they're so addicting.."
"The ladies love impulse control."
"Don't think I'm seeing the ladies anytime soon."
"Not with that attitude!" Mario turns. "Confidence is key, Luigi. I'm half past fat and get attention. I take care of myself, you've gotta do the same. Make 'em laugh, pick up more hobbies..and who knows. You'll find someone who likes you as you are."
"No more Warcraft?"
"Kick it like a bad habit."
A towering silhoutte covers up the light ahead. It's three times their size, and kills the mood.
"It's the foreman.." Luigi mutters, turning around to see the brute. He's got brown overalls, and a bronze cap to go along with it. This gruff, bearded man looks none to pleased. "Spike…"
"Where are you two goin'?"
"Lunch." Mario inches closer. "We were supposed to have a break THIRTY minutes ago."
"The one at six?" That gets a laugh out of Spike, for some reason. "Doesn't look like it's six anymore does it? Oh hoho. Classic Marios. Always slacking off."
"You—"
"I'M TALKING!"
Before Mario can retaliate, a woman's shriek rings!
"MY BABY!"
A stroller comes dashing down the sidewalk, taking a straight lane into traffic! Mario jumps into action, taking off to stop a tragedy. Luigi goes too, but Spike just shoves him down with FORCE. "Don't play the hero!"
Luigi brushes his gear off. "What did we ever do to you?" The foreman answer is just getting right in his face. "What did you do? First you wanna change your LuNcH BrEAk, THEN your bozo of a brother wants to be saving kids?! We leave that to the cops!"
"Um…who said the cops were reliable?"
"I DID!" That makes Luigi jump and hit the ground again. Spike just laughs the brother off. "Look at you. Can't speak up. Can't talk back." The closer he gets, the more Luigi backs away. "You can't do anything without him can you?"
"…"
"Heh. What a wuss."
Luigi feels the emotions coming on, but he forces himself to swallow them. Its weird to be sad when there's applause going around. Not for him, but for his older brother. He looks on as the woman takes her stroller back. Mario seems to ask something, but the woman just walks away.
"Rude…"
"I don't know if you know this or not, but this is New York." Spike catches the brothers glare. "It's dog eat dog out here. You keep your nose down, you'll be just fine." The foreman's smirk grows when Mario shakes his head. "Oh hey buddy, welcome back!"
Mario's turn for a glare. "Are you going to punish me for saving a baby?"
"No…"
"…"
"Is that backtalk? My office, now."
All Mario does is sigh at the situation. Even when he does right, someone has to discredit him. The woman didn't HAVE to give a "thanks" at all, but some would probably say that's a big act. Unfortunately, this isn't other New Yorkers.
But does Mario even care for credit?
.
.
.
The second they set foot in Spike's office, he slams the door shut. The brothers have to do with round stools, while Spike gets a whole sofa to himself. There's only a wooden table to separate the top dog, from his worker bees. That's what he would call them.
"First you want to take breaks when they are WAY past due. 'Oh, we-a had one thirty minutes ago!" Give me a break." The giant leans forward. "Then YOU.." he points the finger at Mario, who doesn't look impressed with his rant. "YOU just run off the site like an animal. No directions, no—are you out of your mind? Are you above the law?"
"You are." That snark makes Spike put a hand on his heart. "Oh don't give me that! You called me a crook for doing good."
"You think you're doin' good. What if you left and something jumped out, huh? We're the Wrecking Crew, it's OUR job to watch that. We don't save cats. We don't kiss babies." Spike flicks Mario's hard cap off. "You two have to be the softest links on the board."
That just ticks Mario off further. In an instant he goes from sat, to leaning across that barrier. "We come here on time, hell even EARLY, just to put up with your spiky behavior!"
"Aww. I'm truly sorry…you two are so easy! One of you is a spineless twerp, and the other is pudgier than my grandma." Spike turns his focus on Luigi. "While we're at it, YOU better man up. The guys don't care for you. They even make fun of you. How many times have you wet your pants this week?" Spike laughs at his own question, but Mario hops onto the table!
"WE aren't done. For such a manly man, you love targeting the quiet ones. You'll never be the tough guy you think you are. You're a little man."
"Oh noooo.."
"And that's why everyone leaves you." Spike's calm facade cracks, slamming his fist onto the table. He gets closer but Mario sets a finger to his mouth. "I'M TALKING. This was a good workplace before you came around."
"The guys laugh AT you, and WITH me. You dumb dumbs don't know the difference."
"The guys don't-a like you. If you didn't shout at them, nobody would laugh at your jokes. You are not funny. You are patronizing." Mario is not taking his disrespect. "If you treated your people with more respect, this business would be thriving. But no…"
Spike looks around for an answer, but crosses his arms. "You think you'll do better without us? Fine. Go start that plumbing gig you can't make any cheese from. You'll bomb like the last guy, go broke, and come crawling back. They ALL do." He has gall to literally look down at Mario, like he's a kid. "You have two weeks."
"I'd rather go homeless than work for you."
Luigi steps back. "I wouldn't…" the brothers little resistance puts a smile on Spike's face. He has no faith in the brothers to make it outside the Wrecking Crew. To him, Luigi's just a weak little puppet. As for Mario, he doesn't really believe he can back up those words. He can't even get recognition on the street. The brothers may not care much about that, but in Spike's vain mind, it matters tons.
Before they exit, Mario cocks his fist…"And about this job."
SMASH!
The wall goes down, as he drags Luigi away from the malicious foreman. Spike scrambles to collect all the debris left behind..
"It's ONE week now you idiots!"
The Mario Residence
CLICK!
The door creaks open, as Mario enters first and switches those lights on. They don't have much in their space at all. One bedroom, bathroom, and slim kitchen. As for the living space, they've got a box TV, with a two-seater.
Not much else.
Luigi doesn't even make it to the couch, dropping on the floor. He picks himself up quickly. "Mario.."
"Hm?"
"I haven't seen you that fired up since yesterday."
"Hate to say it." The older brother sets his dangling keys on the counter. "Spike's good at getting under skin. He chews people out over NOTHING, and wants to act like a big boss. The worse type of boss if you ask me.."
"Yeah.." The younger one takes his shoes off. "..thanks for standing up for me."
"Always. Yeah you can be clumsy sometimes but that doesn't mean people should bully you over it." Mario says, getting his pair off. "Don't listen to anything Spike says. You do you, and
That brings a small smile to Luigi. If he can count on anyone, it's his brother. That smile stagnates after remembering other events. "What about you? Getting brushed by that lady? I thought that was classless. He saved your baby and—"
"Lu." Mario removes his hard hat. "It's fine."
"Anytime someone says they're fine.."
"I'm serious. I don't need the credit."
"You were shaking your head Mariooo.."
"I did that because Spike was gonna be an ass about it. Look.." Mario sets a hand on his shoulder. "It doesn't matter how bad I feel, we're still the Mario's. There's no Spike to put any doubt in that." Luigi reciprocates, doing the same with his.
"That's so sweet Mario…but we don't even have a plan. What are we gonna do? Barter on the streets?"
"No worries." Mario yanks a jour open and hands him a fat stack of flyers.
"That's hehe..a lot of flyers..won't this annoy them?"
"Who cares? It's advertising."
The new adpocalypse could be annoying..but for Luigi it clicks. More business, more money, more to prove Spike wrong with. "I love it! But we should wash up first."
The odor hits Mario, making him drop the stack where he stands. A couple coughs later and he gives a thumbs up.
.
.
.
Night passes. The moment that sun rises, the brothers head out early..even though Luigi's still groggy. They're nailing the flyers anywhere, and everywhere they can. Brooklyn's going to be flooded with them when it's over.
Telephone poles? Flyer.
Windows? Flyer.
They even get into a convenience store. Luigi's ready to nail one on a window..but it just shatters. All the guy can do is just walk away.
While Luigi makes his recovery, Mario's taking the extra step. The flyers are at office buildings, schools, he's on a sprint with the ads. Anyone could use a decent plumber, especially since the other ones have a horrible reputation.
When it's all said and done, the brothers meet up at PICCOLI, digging into a boatload of pizza! Luigi's the happiest he's been in days. "YOU. MMF. Are a genius!"
Mario swallows his food first. "WE are!"
They're laughing and just having a jolly time. After the disaster that was yesterday, they get to enjoy a satisfying break. Just running around the city, and getting a nice meal before their gig really takes off.
Groans rise as a voice comes over the TV.
"Wah!"
That little shout gets the brothers attention. A chubby man with a zany moustache, a white shirt, and black overalls is the speaker of this ad. What about it though?
"Is your toilet breaking down? How about your shower? Let Wario break it down for you!"
"Yeah, break down my wallet!" One patron shouts. That gets a laugh from a few.
"With my small price of ninety bucks, you have access to the best plumbing in the N-Y-C! Dial the number and we'll be there in ten! Wahaha!"
"Overrated…"
"Is this really the cheapest option?"
"FATASS!"
Those side comments give the brothers an idea. Mario looks at L with a twinkle in his eye. "Luigi..I know what we're gonna do today."
?
A TV blares light into a dark room. A chubby man lays on a worn out couch. Tears, rips, even wet spots from the drinks they spilt.
Or HE.
That same man from the ads gobbling Cheeto Puffs, staining his black overalls. His white hat may look good, but the state of his house is miserable. There's flies buzzing around, spiders roaming the walls.
This could be one of the dumpiest places in Brooklyn.
His program is cut off by a logo's flash. A news anchor shows up after. "Get this cracker off my screen!" Wario shouts, flipping channels..but the anchor keeps coming up over. And over. And over. "Gah screw it! What does this boring man have to say?"
"Welcome back to WPIX. In some breaking news, we've been sent video footage of a riot inside a Brooklyn bar. It was triggered by an advertisement from Wario's Plumbing, which has seen its fair share of controversy. Accusations include money laundering, theft, and now raising their prices higher than ever before. It was just three years ago they started at twenty dollars for repairs. Now it's at a staggering NINETY."
"As for those in the bar: take a look."
"Ha! They riot and keep crawling back. The backlash is not that bad..
The news pulls up a video, showing a restaurant's crowd..
"YOU'RE A RIPOFF!"
CLAP!
CLAP!
CLAP!
CLAP!
CLAP!
"YOU'RE A RIPOFF!"
"His laugh is so evil!"
"I bet he's with the elites!"
Wario just turns it off.
"I wish I was. These typical assholes.." Wario just kicks back. The hate isn't surprising anymore. "What else does it take to make a quick buck around here?"
He throws another Puff in his mouth. Surprisingly, he's got his gloves off. Hopefully he remembers to wash his hands.
Despite the controversy, Wario seems more relaxed than he should be. "I'm the only one they have. Who in the hell will take me on?"
Static..
Static…
Static…
The footage isn't in 4K, but it's clear enough.
Dun-dun-dun
Dun-dun
DUN!
DUN!
The Mario's pull up with a van, and show their logo off on the back.
"We're the Mario Brothers, and plumbings our game.
We're not like the others who get all the fame.
When your sink is in trouble, you could call us on the double.
We're faster than the others, you'll be hooked on the brothers!"
The brothers use the wrenches at their best, with the most serious, smug faces ever seen on TV.
A red background pops up with a logo: "Super Mario Bros. Plumbing"
"It's-a me, Mario!" He exclaims, jumpscaring the audience.
"And LUIGI!"
Cut to them in a bathroom.
"Are you-a fed up with these companies ripping you off?" Mario asks.
Luigi picks up a bill, and his jaw drops. "Ninety bucks?! MAMAMIA!"
Next thing the viewers know, the brothers are literally flying over the city with yellow capes. There's a crook running from an apartment with a bag full of cash, so Mario zips down and smacks him with a giant hammer!
He yanks the bag and stares into the camera. "The Mario Brothers won't let these crooks drain your wallet."
Their van travels across a comically large map.
"From Brooklyn, to Manhattan, even Queens, we're-a anywhere and everywhere in the NYC!" As Mario flaunts his rhymes, the company number, and webpage pop up on the upper left of the TV.
Then, the two are in a woman's kitchen, picking up their tools after a job well done. "You're lifesavers, Mario Bros!
"Hooked on the BROTHERS!"
"The Brothers.."
"the brothers…."
Luigi literally leaps off the couch in excitement. "Ho ho holy—"
"I told ya it'd go well!" Mario laughs, almost smacking the hat off him. "Bit of patience goes a long way!"
Luigi readjusts his cap. "If my phone rings I'll have a heart attack..
bumbumbumbumbumbum.
"AH!"
Mario clicks once and holds the phone to his ear. "Mario Brothers?"
"#($($*$*#*#(#"
"Right now?!"
"#&*##*"
"You can count on us!"
Luigi's eyes widen at the implication. Their big new ad just aired, and they're already starting to get new business. "Mario?…"
One more click and the calls over. "..WE GOT THE GIG!" He pulls Luigi into a big hug. The younger brother laughs at first, but that's a tight hug.
"I can't breathe…"
Mario lets him go, and he's gasping for air. After a few coughs, Luigi uses the couch to get up. "You ok?"
"Yeah…just out of shape. And I'm the slim one."
"Lookin' better than me." Mario jokes, willing to poke himself. He's got short stature, and a belly half full of jelly. There's nothing he feels he can do but have some fun with it. Others have given him crap about it before.
While the brothers enjoy their business picking up…
.
.
.
The Wario Residence couldn't react any differently. The grump spits his cola on the TV in shock! "I can't believe this! They have the gall to run against Wario?" He growls and balls his fists up, about to shatter the fifth television this week.
It's like a crisis for him. He imagines the stack of dollars on his table, growing legs and heading for the door. His world is spinning.
"No…"
He looks to the heavens.
"NOT ANOTHER SMALL BUSINESS!"
The plumbers are next to their prized van, up and moving. Constantly walking past any obstacles, ducks, and traffic. They seem to be in a hurry with this new business they're getting. The sweats going around so much that Luigi has to wipe his forehead. "Ten calls in a day..WHEW."
"They don't call it 'the grind' for nothin'!" Mario says, patting his bro on the back. "We only got ten more."
"Ten.." Luigi pants. "You don't know when to quit."
"Is that good or bad?"
"I dunno, you decide."
Despite his brothers exhaustion, Mario's mood is the highest it's been in a while. Working for someone as oppressive, and dickish like Spike can do a number on people. "Dickish" is definitely an understatement.
As the day goes on, their experience pays off. Even when they were on the Wrecking Crew, the brothers practiced all the fundamentals. So, it's no surprise when their ratings keep going up.
They're hooked on the brothers after all.
The moon soon rises at its allotted time, and the brothers retreat back to their residence. Luigi rushes for the shower, the only gamer to actually take one. Mario just leans on the counter, taking a much needed breathe of his own.
He spots a photo album on the table. With a tender smile, he takes it and flips through. The first few are he and his brother as mere babies, because people love their baby pictures. The next one, he takes a pause.
July 9th, 1981.
It's a grainy picture with a fallen monkey in the background. Mario doesn't pay much attention to that, moreso the two on the front. There's a young blonde standing next to a mustachioed fellow. She's got a red dress on, while he's got a long sleeve blue shirt, with red overalls over them.
Not too different from what Mario's got. His shirts green though.
"That was crazy to hear about. You got up to so much.." Mario snickers at more of those photos. Their old man hasn't been around for a while. One day, he promised he'd be back. The next: radio silence..but he still thinks well of him. He can't believe that his dear old dad would just up and leave.
Mario grins. "You were a maniac sometimes. Never knew when to quit.."
You're probably wondering: If this is called "Kingdom of the Apes," where are the apes? They'll be here soon, don't you worry. I'm just establishing some origins for this story. The Mario Brothers new ad took off, and Wario's company is going down down down! What will come of that?
Plus, the real answer to what happened to Papa Mario…
