Summary: There will be 31 days of mayhem, but I'm not sure there will be 31 actual stories. That would require more brain than Corvus has.

Beta Love: Dragon and the Cold Water Bottle Torture, Dutchgirl01 the Busiest Bee that Ever Buzzed, Commander Shepard the Winter Soldier

A/N: Each story will be a separate chapter to feed my laziness and desire not to post that many new stories for the same event.


Watched

Everybody's got plans… until they get hit.

Mike Tyson


"We're being watched."

Hermione blinked languidly as Sanguini spun her around in a dance, dipping her backwards against his arm so deep that her curls almost sprawled across the polished hardwood dance floor. "You always think that," she murmured into his brocade vest.

"And I'm always right."

"You're also the epitome of humbleness," she said with a slight puckered mouth of amusement.

"Someone has to be this good," the vampire rumbled as he gazed into her eyes.

"Tch," Hermione tutted. "Why do I even spend time with you?"

"Because our Severus made me promise to watch over you at this terribly dreary function and prevent you from tearing out Weasley's throat and ending up in Azkaban," Sanguini replied.

"But I was so looking forward to it," Hermione said with a pout.

"Hence the promise—and why you must suffer me without the most depressingly-dressed love of our lives," Sanguini noted with flattened, semi-quirked lips.

"He's utilitarian," Hermione said.

"He's a walking shroud," Sanguini corrected.

The Lethifold on Hermione's shoulders rose up and glowered at Sanguini—as best a supernatural living carnivorous cloak could do without having eyes.

Hermione patted the Lethifold gently. "There there, Walter. You know he's not insulting you."

Walter practically radiated suspicion but settled back down on her shoulders, looking like a stylish dress cape.

Sanguini ran his talons oh so lightly against her neck. His eyes flashed crimson over brown—just a moment when his desire and his control struggled against each other. He pressed his cheek to hers as they danced. "I cannot wait for Severus to finish his social obligations so we may return home and—disrobe you."

"Promises," Hermione whispered, her breath tickling his neck.

"I. Do. Not. Lie," Sanguini purred into her ear. "Never to you, beloved."

"Maybe I'm lying to you," Hermione whispered into his ear. "Perhaps I am not satisfied."

Sanguini's lips pulled into a pout. "Am I not dutiful? Do we not please you?"

Before she could reply, however, Harry tugged on her arm and drew her away. "Come on! Ron has big news! You need to be there!"

Sanguini's expression visibly hardened as Potter dragged Hermione away from him. His eyes narrowed, and the whites of his eyes bled black as his brown eyes glowed red. They were normal in but a moment, but had anyone been watching, they might have taken a few large steps backwards.

"It is with great pleasure that I am here to announce my engagement to the one who has been with me in both the best and worst days of my life!" Ronald announced proudly as the cameras flashed madly all around him. "To whom I will bind myself in marriage and in magic for the rest of my life!"

Harry was nudging Hermione forward towards the stage, and Hermione was scowling fiercely. Worse, Lavender was shooting Avada Kedavras at Hermione's skull with her eyes as if she was the ultimate wizard-stealing whore. She was looking a little furry in the face, and while she wasn't actually a full-on werewolf, she seemed to be making her best effort to make the shift without the curse.

It was then, however, that a black mass of cloth signalled the arrival of a certain "drearily dressed" and "fashion oblivious" wizard, and all the cameras immediately spun to take pictures of him as he practically floated toward the stage.

"Miss Brown," Snape purred, and practically every female and a few males swooned despite his appearance. "It seems this came to my owl's perch for some inane reason." He pulled out a wedding scroll and two ministry rings dangling from the ribbon. "I fear that I am already taken."

The moment she touched the scroll, the ribbon loosened and the scroll unfurled. A cheery, all too cheery voice announced, "Congratulations, Mr Ronald Bilius Weasley, on your marriage of magic consummated to bring life into the new magical post-war world! We hope that you and Lavender Brown, now Weasley, will enjoy a most fruitful life together free of You-Know-Who!"

All the cameras instantly refocused on Ronald—whose face was now rather like the colour of milk—that is, if milk had freckles.

The crowd around them cheered, all of them hoisting Lavender up and spinning her around as they clapped Ronald on the back. Harry's face was a rather alarming shade of chartreuse. Molly's looked red as a bitter radish.

Lavender, once her feet hit the ground, joyfully glomped Ron and smacked a big wet kiss on his mouth, and then she turned to Hermione. "I'm so sorry, I thought—I thought you—"

"Congratulations on your marriage," Hermione said, a flicker of crimson dancing across whisky brown. "I truly mean that. I hope your marriage is everything you dreamed of."

"I really thought he—I'm sorry, Hermione," Lavender apologised.

"I cannot marry," Hermione said with a loving look toward Severus, who took her into his arms. "I'm already married."

"Yo-you're married?" Lavender boggled, flushing in embarrassment. "But Ron said—but that means I—I've been jealous of you for nothing!"

Hermione chuckled. "Don't be, these two are an absolute menace to my free time."

Lavender's eyes grew wide as she watched Sanguini seemingly slither up to Hermione and press his mouth to her neck from the other side as Severus kissed the other. Their hands sprawled on each side of her face, each with a very distinctive goblin silver ring.

"If your business here is done, Severus," Sanguini rumbled. "We have a wife to undress."

"Oh, I think so," Severus replied. "Far be it for me to delay such a delectable meal."

Lavender's last vision of Hermione was of her wide eyes as she squeaked a response to the triple Apparate as both Sanguini, Severus, and Hermione disappeared with a crack even as the cameras flashed to capture Lavender's gobsmacked expression for all eternity.


"You told me you were going to propose to 'Mione!" Harry hissed furiously. "You insisted you were MEANT!"

"I—" Ron stammered, his face turning red. "A wizard has needs! 'Mione wasn't doing it—"

"You have me drag her up there for the big public reveal and embarrass myself every time a reporter comes in and asks me how I feel about my best mate's marriage? Bloody Skeeter has me painted as a complete oblivious twat!"

Ron grimaced. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. The scroll was supposed to be locked up until 'Mione and I were married!"

Harry froze, going absolutely still. "You KNEW you were already married and you still tried to rope her into marriage? Using ME to bring her there? You told me she had to be there. You told me that it was important!"

"It WAS important! She had to be there for the family magic to work!"

Harry grew even more still. "WHAT family magic?"

"The magic that would bind her to our family and overwrite everything that came before it!"

The moment the words left Ron's mouth, Harry's jaw tightened in anger. "And me? That little to-do you had me do for Ginny? Was THAT family magic too?"

Ron's eyes were wide and his face was frozen like he had a whole chicken wing stuck in his craw.

Harry's fingers tightened into a fist, and he punched him so hard that Ron went careening off the atrium platform that extended off the top level of the Auror's office. Ron landed in the giant fountain just missing being impaled by the trident of the statue of Poseidon rising up from within. The statue suddenly came to life, stabbed Ronald in the arse with his trident, and a blast of magic turned him into a huge orange and white spotted koi with wide, terrified blue eyes.

Meanwhile, high above the atrium, a cloud of three vampire bats snuggled in with a clutch of mischievous dragonbatlings, squeaking and giggling with satisfying mischief managed. One honey-coloured vampire bat sucked the tasty juice out of her bloodfruit and then let the desiccated husk fall and konk Ronald-fish soundly over the head with a distinct splat.


And they all lived smugly ever after…