Chapter 4: So Now We've Got Our Fellowship

Hawk and Porter were ready in the morning for the characters to begin arriving for the Briefing and what Porter was calling "The Council of Elrond…and Everybody Else in Middle-earth."

As previously mentioned, time did not function the same way in the Hub as it did in the individual worlds. The Hub was outside and free from the timeline of any given world, thus meaning that anyone in the Hub could view (and enter) any moment within the timeline of the other worlds. While in their own world, the characters were restricted by their horizontal timeline, aware only of what had passed already in their story; in the Hub, however, they were aware of the whole story and their own individual roles in their entirety.

For some characters, like Sam or Éowyn, a trip to the Hub was a rather uplifting experience on this account. For others, like Denethor or Sauron, it only served to make their dark moods plummet further down.

At 9:00me, Hawk and Porter opened a Portal at the end of the spoke between the Hub and Middle-earth, thus allowing the characters to Jump to the Hub without the aid of the medallions that the Sue-Slayers carried. Unsurprisingly, Legolas was the first to appear, thankfully accompanied by his father and a couple of the nobles of Mirkwood, making for a promising start. Hawk and Porter, standing at the gate of the Institution, ushered the Elves in. They were a bit disoriented – a common phenomenon for newly-arrived characters in the Hub – but Porter got them situated in the Briefing Room of the Tolkien Department, comfortably seated around the huge round table in the middle of the room and left them sipping at lattés from the KANON cafeteria, which for some reason helped with the disorientation of suddenly knowing one's entire history, past, present, and future.

By 9:30me, there was a steady stream of characters blinking into the open field outside of the University. Five minutes till ten, the only character of import who had not been crossed off of Porter's extensive and official Character List was Saruman, though Uglúk and Gríma Wormtongue had both made an appearance to represent Isengard. (Well, Saruman and Tom Bombadil, but Hawk would have gone into shock if Bombadil had actually showed some interest in the world and made an appearance.)

"Oh whatever," Hawk said to Porter, as there were still no signs of the White Wizard two minutes before the meeting was supposed to start. "If he wants to miss out on deciding the fate of his world, it's his loss, not ours. At least, we won't have to listen to him making smart remarks the whole morning."

They walked back together to the Briefing Room.

Never before had the room held so many of the characters. It had been designed with a large crowd in mind, and at previous briefings, it had always looked rather forlorn with only Legolas, Aragorn, and a few others sitting around the ridiculously large table. Now, the huge, domed room was looking startlingly cramped.

The room was a bustle of activity and conversation. Everyone was conveniently divided on the two sides of the chamber, heroes on the left and villains on the right, to avoid as much unnecessary conflict as possible, though they'd be lucky if some type of argument didn't break out at some point, though for now, any animosity was being reserved to glares across the table. Hawk let her eyes rove the unconventional scene with just a flicker of amusement and curiosity.

Legolas and Gimli were both deep in conversation nearest her, apparently debating the various merits of living in a forest vs. living in a mountain in a friendly argument that sounded like it had been rehashed many times before. Beregond, Éomer, and Imrahil were having a loud conversation about war strategy that involved a lot of gesticulating as if they were holding various weapons. Éowyn and Faramir were flirting, to the obvious displeasure of Denethor, who was glaring at the Shieldmaiden and clearly not approving of his son's interest in one of those rough-and-tumble horse people. Merry, Pippin, and Sam were sharing out of a sack that smelled of mushrooms, some of which Sam was offering to Frodo who kept politely shaking his head. The Ring-bearer looked rather stressed, for which he could not really be blamed, as Sauron was sitting on the opposite side of the room just glaring unblinkingly at him with his arms folded and an expression that could immediately curdle milk. All nine Nazgûl were grouped around their lord, radiating their customary aura of menace. Galadriel was brushing her hair, Treebeard was standing in a corner, humming softly to himself, Aragorn had his arm over the back of Arwen's seat next to him and was chatting with Gandalf who was leaning back comfortably in his chair and smoking a pipe, and Boromir was sipping his latté and still looking disturbed over the fact that he was going to die. Gollum was sulking in a corner and muttering to himself.

Hawk shook her head as she stepped into the room, which she was sure had never before seen such a sundry assortment of people since it had been built. Hopefully, everyone was going to make it through this thing alive and with the minimal amount of injuries.

Of course, any injuries that did occur would be delivered by Hawk the moment any of them started acting up.

Porter handed her the Order of Business and after glancing over it briefly, she stepped up to her lectern and scanned the crowd again. Hardly any of them had even noticed her and Porter's entrance. She cleared her throat, took a deep breath, and let out a bellow. "QUIET!"

The medley of conversations wavered, then dimmed. Slowly, the eyes of all the characters turned to the two Sue-Slayers. Hawk cleared her throat again, though this time a little more hesitantly. It was slightly daunting to address so many elves, humans, hobbits, orcs, and various other creatures all at once.

"I'd like to thank you all for coming," she said stiffly, "as I realize many of you were not too keen on participating."

"Minas Tirith had better not be razed when I get back," Denethor muttered.

Hawk gave the Steward a glare then returned to her speech. "We have several very important matters to discuss, not the least of which is the extreme current rise in Sue-attacks in Middle-earth, as some of you will have noticed."

Everyone looked automatically at Legolas, who slid down in his chair, his cheeks and the pointed tips of his ears reddening slightly.

Porter handed Hawk the official Sue-count of the month on a blue and white clipboard with the KI insignia. Hawk frowned at it, then announced, "The Sue-count of the month is one hundred and ninety-three." There were quite a few gasps from around the room and low murmurs; clearly, many of the characters had not realized there were so many Sues abroad. "This is the count for Sues who were officially reported and disposed of by members of KANON Institution," Hawk went on. "Sues who escaped or were not reported are not listed on the official count."

She flipped over to the next sheet on the clipboard. "Sues were reported for the following characters. At the top of the list, big surprise, we have Legolas with one hundred and five Sues."

Legolas looked like he wanted to disappear into thin air, his fair face blanching. Gimli gave him an encouraging nudge in the ribs that caused the elf to wince. "At least you're popular, eh?" the dwarf said, trying to sound heartening.

The elf prince shook his head, his complexion still reddened. "Why me? There are so many elves in Middle-earth – why do they pick on me? Why don't they swarm on Erestor or Glorfindel or Haldir?"

"Hey!" Erestor, Glorfindel, and Haldir said indignantly in unison.

Hawk coughed again and everyone's attention returned to her. "Next on the list, we have Boromir with twenty-two…"

"How'd I manage to get second on the list?" Boromir demanded, frowning. "I mean, I know everyone likes a warrior, but still…"

"I think it's because they feel sorry for you," said Éomer, "because you…well, you know…because you…"

"Die?" Boromir supplied, scowling and returning to his latté with renewed gusto.

"…Aragorn with thirteen," Hawk continued smoothly, "Haldir with nine, Elladan with nine, Elrohir with five…"

"The Sues don't like you as much," Elladan smirked at Elrohir.

"I think not being liked as much by Sues is a good thing," Elrohir retorted.

"…Frodo with five," Hawk went on, ignoring the twins, "Merry with four, Faramir with three, Pippin with three, Éomer with three, Imrahil with two, Erestor with two, Glorfindel with two…"

She paused before the next entry and grimaced. "…Éowyn with one…?"

Éowyn made an angry, growling sound. "Ugh, do they not realize that I dressed up like a man and went to battle because I was in love with a man who I couldn't have and that afterwards I fell in love with and married another man?" She tossed up her hands in frustration. "I have the only kiss in the whole book and they seriously give me a Sue!"

Hawk shrugged. "I'm just reading the list." She turned her eyes back to said list. "…Lindir with one, Orophin with one, Shadowfax with one…"

"What?" said Théoden, his brow creasing in horrified fascination. "How does that even work?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know," Porter chipped in.

The King of Rohan nodded, clearly trusting the Sue-Slayer's judgment in that matter.

"…Beregond with one, and lastly, one Sauron's daughter Sue – Tenth Walker but no pairings determined before she was killed."

"That's ridiculous!" Sauron snorted. "When do they think I have spare time for that nonsense? And who do they think the mother is: the Witch-King?"

One of the Nazgûl, assumedly the Witch-King, turned his hood towards his master and radiated puzzled distaste.

Hawk flipped a page. "Apparently, it was Arwen this time."

"No, just, no!" Arwen burst out. "Where do these sick Suethors come from?"

"Don't worry," the Dark Lord shot back. "I wouldn't touch a stupid elf like you with a thirty-foot lance, even if I was stabbing you through with it."

"Hey, are you insulting my fiancée?" Aragorn demanded, lowering his arm protectively around Arwen's shoulders. "You can keep your opinions to yourself, you evil eyeball of doom!"

"I AM NOT AN EYEBALL!" Sauron bellowed, standing up and raising his mace.

Immediately, both sides of the room were pressing towards each other aggressively, muttered threats flying through the air and growing louder by the second.

"SHUT UP!" Hawk's stringent shout brought the room back to order. She glared at everybody, and there was a mass shuffling as all the characters leaned back in their seats awkwardly, waiting in subdued silence for whatever the Sue-Slayer had to say next.

She set down the clipboard. "Now, on to the main business for this Briefing. We are all going to have to work together." She glared pointedly at various characters that were least likely to behave in this respect. "I know it's going to be difficult for some of you, but it's going to just have to happen. Look, the Council of Elrond brought together races that had been arguing for ages in a common cause. Why? Because the world of the free peoples was threatened. Well, now you're all in danger – each and every one of you. And if you want a Middle-earth to live in, one that isn't completely conquered and overrun by Sues, then you're going to figure out how to live and work together. And you're going to do it right now."

"You say our world is in danger – where's the proof of that?" Gríma Wormtongue said in an oily voice. "Sues have always waxed and waned throughout the ages. Where is the proof that these extreme measures need–"

"Because of this," Hawk interrupted the evil councilor with a sharp look. And without further ado, she held up the Pen for all the characters to see.

"It looks like a pen," said Sam.

"It is a pen," Hawk replied. "The Suethor's Pen. The most dangerous weapon ever created by our enemies. With it, a Suethor or a Sue would wield powers over you characters and your world that would leave you enslaved to their evil wills in minutes. So unless you want to spend the rest of your lives drooling over various ridiculous Sues and kissing their feet as they tear your canon world to shreds, then I'd pay attention."

The characters did just that.

Porter took Hawk's place at the lectern and proceeded to tell the characters the story of Orinthia and Eledhil and the creation of the Suethor's Pen. Hawk took back her place then and described the suspicions and findings of Lance Morgan and the agents of KI.

"As long as the Pen is in existence, every world is in danger, yours not least of all. The Sues will only continue to grow stronger, and should one eventually claim the Pen, which is not at all unlikely, the canon worlds as we know them will be lost to us forever. We've already seen a drastic rise in the Sues and some of you have witnessed their growing powers over the last month – the situation will continue to worsen, and each of every one of you will feel the results sooner or later."

"In other words, we're doomed," Denethor muttered morosely. "I suppose you recommend we all start building our funeral pyres now."

"Father!" Faramir hissed, looking mortified by the Steward's openly pessimistic outlook on life.

"Luckily, we still have a viable option before us," Hawk went on. "We hold the Pen, not the Suethors, and so hope has not yet forsaken us completely." She went on to describe the "Hearth of Doom" in the heart of Middle Earth.

"Bloody copy-cats," Sauron snorted.

"So, what does all this have to do with us?" Beregond asked with a small frown. "Each of us is ready and willing to fight against the vile invaders, but even I will admit that against the Sues, we stand little chance. We would be of little use I fear in the heart of our Enemies' realm."

"Good question," Porter said. "You see, we agents are attracted to the lure of the Pen's power like ents to the rumor of entwives. We can't take the Pen in, you see, mate, not without turning into Sues or Stus ourselves after one or two steps. The Pen has to be carried by one of you people – a character. You'll be able to resist the power of the Pen for much longer than we can, like hobbits with the Ring, you might say. Therefore, we're here to officially start a new Quest. The Quest of the Pen, if you like. We need someone who's willing to bear the Pen to the Hearth of Doom, one of you talented individuals. Do we have any volunteers?"

Everybody immediately looked at Frodo.

The hobbit folded his arms and shook his head. "Oh no you don't. I'm already in the middle of one quest to save the world that's nearly going to kill me. Someone else can take this one."

There was some awkward shuffling as everyone stared at the table top, no one wanting to make eye contact with anyone else or get volunteered. The uncomfortable silence dragged on for another few seconds before a sigh drifted through the room.

"All right, I suppose it really ought to be me."

Everyone turned to look as Legolas rose from his seat. His face was drawn but resolute. "I'm their biggest target," he continued hurriedly, clearly a little embarrassed by all the attention. "It's me who will suffer the most if this thing doesn't get destroyed. I owe it to my world and all my fellow characters, too. I'm the one who attracts almost all the Sues into Middle-earth in the first place, so I'm the one who should get rid of them."

He pushed his chair back and slowly walked around the table until he was standing in front of Hawk and Porter. He held out his hand, palm upward. "I'll take the Pen."

Hawk nodded, her grim expression hiding a warm flush of satisfaction at the elf's determined and almost fierce expression at the thought of finally dealing a blow to the Sues. She picked up the Pen from the lectern and placed it in his outstretched hand while Porter said, "Well done, mate. Middle-earth will thank you for this."

He turned back to the other characters. "Well, you lot, Legolas can't go alone. This isn't going to be a stroll through the Shire, and he's going to need companions if he's to reach the Suethor's Tower and fulfill his quest. Who's willing to join your Pen-bearer?"

No sooner had Porter stopped talking than a stocky figure stood up, the table almost as high as his chest. "I'm not letting some elf face a world of Sues by himself," Gimli said stoutly. "If we go down, we'll go down together."

Legolas' face brightened a little in a small smile as the brave dwarf came to stand at his side. "Well, come on," Gimli said after a moment. "Are you going to make us elves and dwarves do all the work?"

"I'm going!" said a voice as sharp as a steel blade from the far end of the table as Éowyn stood, her chin tipped back and her grey eyes flashing.

"Éowyn…" Éomer began in a voice that made it clear he knew he was going to lose his argument. Sure enough, Éowyn turned to him, an unrelenting expression on her face.

"I want to do this, Brother. Rohan didn't get represented in the last Fellowship." Here, she shot a small glare at Elrond, clearly displeased that no member of Rohan had been at his Council out of all the major nations of Middle-earth. "I'm sure this Fellowship could also do with some good female sense," she added. "You're going up against Sues this time, not orcs." Her eyes blazed. "I'll teach them to give me Sues."

"Plus," she said, giving Éomer one last quelling look, "you know what would have happened if I'd stayed home the last time you and Théoden told me to."

There was no further argument as the Shieldmaiden of Rohan stepped up to the front of the room.

She had only just taken her place when Faramir leapt from his place. "Then I'm going, too," he said, determination flashing through his eyes.

"You sit down, Faramir," Denethor said, his proud face darkening. "You're not going anywhere, least of all on such an important mission as this. Let Boromir go as a representative of Gondor."

Faramir opened his mouth to protest, but Boromir beat him to it. "Yes, Father, I got to go on the last quest, but I failed, didn't I?" The warrior's face was tight as he admitted it, but his voice was completely steady. "Faramir deserves this chance, and I have a feeling that he will be of much more use to this Fellowship than I ever could be." He gave his younger brother a proud nod. "Go kick those Sues back to where they belong, Brother."

Denethor clamped his mouth shut, glaring between both his sons as Faramir took his place and put an arm around Éowyn's shoulder as she reached up and gave his hand a fond squeeze.

"We'd like to go, too!"

Merry and Pippin had been muttering to each other during Éowyn and Faramir's initiation into the Fellowship, but now Merry waved his hand, catching the Sue-Slayers' attention with his shout.

Sitting beside them, Sam gave them a surprised look. "Are you sure about that, Mister Merry, Mister Pippin? It's a dangerous quest we're on already, and I don't mind saying, this one looks like it might just be worse. Brrr, Sues are worse than dragons and goblins and all the folk of Mordor together."

Merry put his hand on the stout gardener's shoulder. "Now, Sam, you know best as any of us that hobbits are tougher than that. Where would the quest of the Ring be without us hobbits? The quest for the Pen will need us just as much."

"Plus," Pippin said with a small grin, "how many people get to go on two epics quests to save their world in a lifetime?"

Sam shook his head. "Well, I certainly won't stop you, but don't you go forgetting all the important stuff that those elves and humans are most likely to go missing. No offense to any of you fine elves and men, of course," he added hurriedly, looking mortified that he might have offended one of his non-hobbit friends.

Frodo clapped his cousins on the shoulders as they moved towards the slowing growing Fellowship of the Pen. "Good luck," he said with simple gravity, and both of them cast him reassuring smiles.

Gimli nodded in welcome to the hobbits, a smile showing through his beard. "It will be good to know we still have some fine young hobbits about on this quest. We dwarves know best of all how much use a hobbit or two can be to the success of your journey," he said, exchanging a wink with his father. Legolas nodded to his two new companions, his sparkling eyes showing a similar emotion, and Faramir and Éowyn beamed as their two young friends came to stand in front of them.

Hawk's eyes scanned the group. "That's six, plus myself and Porter, who will be coming along to protect the Fellowship from any attackers. That makes eight. We still need one more companion before the Fellowship is complete."

There was dead silence.

Unlike the previous time, however, it was uninterrupted. No one showed any inclination to volunteer and become the ninth and final member of the Fellowship of the Pen.

Hawk shifted impatiently. All this talk of quests and defeating Sues was getting her natural fighting spirit up. She hated standing around discussing their problems when they could get started on the actual quest itself.

She began eyeing various characters, all of whom avoided her gaze, as she mentally debated whom to begin pressuring into joining. She glanced at the Fellowship; elves, dwarves, hobbits, and the race of men, both Gondor and Rohan, were already represented. She was considering asking if Gwaihir would be willing to join (there were plenty of Sues who could fly or transform into flying creatures, but having a giant eagle along presented a lot of helpful options) when Porter nudged her.

When she turned to her partner, he jerked his head to the side and she stepped down from the podium to join him in the doorway. "Yes," she asked curtly with a tiny frown.

"I've got an idea," Porter said, "but I thought I should run it past you before I said it out loud in front of all of them."

"All right, what is it?"

Porter told her his idea.

She stepped back from him and gave him a look of combined horror and shock. "No! What? Have you gone mad?" She frowned severely. "This is no time for games and jokes, Porter."

"I'm not joking," Porter insisted and when she looked into his eyes, she saw that he was deadly serious. "It makes sense." He went on to give her his reasons.

Despite herself, Hawk couldn't help but begin to agree. She shook her head, hardly believing the words that were about to come out of her mouth. "I think you might be right, Porter."

She stepped back up to the lectern. All the characters had been watching their exchange in the doorway with interest and apprehension, each nervous that it might be them that was being discussed by the two Sue-Slayers. Hawk's dark eyes flashed over the multitude of upturned faces. Lance Morgan had said they should have nine companions, and Hawk agreed. It felt right.

"We need one more companion to complete the Fellowship," she said evenly. "My colleague and I have discussed the issue and we both agree that the final member should be Sauron."

The room erupted into an outraged uproar. The most vehement protester was the Dark Lord himself. "I am NOT going on some heroic quest with elves, and mortal men, and…and hobbits," he spat. "I conquer worlds; I don't save them!"

"The Sues are the only ones that are going to conquer anything if this Fellowship isn't completed," Hawk said loudly, causing some of the din to lessen as the characters turned to hear what she had to say.

"We have the major races and nations of the free peoples represented," Porter said. "Don't you want Evil represented, too? This is what Hawk said at the beginning. We're all going to have to work together if we want to defeat the Sues. And as much as some of you don't want to admit it, the villains are as important a part of Middle-earth as the heroes."

Sauron folded his arms and shook his head, his eyes glowing malevolently. "This is beneath me. If you want Evil represented in your Fellowship, then you can have Shagrat or Nazgûl #9. Take Shelob if you want, for all I care. But I'm not going anywhere." He glared at the Sue-Slayers, clearly daring someone to say another word about the matter.

Hawk's fingers curled impulsively with impatience, but with great difficulty, she managed to keep her voice steady. "No, if Evil is going to be represented in the Fellowship, it needs to be you. As you so succinctly pointed out earlier, the Suethors have made little attempt to disguise the fact that they based their Pen off your Ring. You may be the key to us keeping one step ahead of our Enemy. The Sues are evil and so are you. You know how Evil thinks."

"There's Evil and then there's Evil," Sauron protested. "Sues are at the opposite end of the Evil spectrum from Dark Lords."

"But you're still closer on the spectrum than any of the rest of us are," said Porter. "You're going to know what the Sues are up to and how they will try to get ahold of the Pen quicker and easier than the rest of us. Plus, my lord, you'll probably be one of the most Sue-resistant of any characters, and it's a position of great honor. You'll be remembered throughout history as one of the nine who conquered Middle Earth and defeated the Sues in an epic, cunning blow!"

"I'll be remembered as the sissy Dark Lord that went on some goody-goody quest with elves and humans," Sauron muttered, though he was looking less belligerent. "I've got more important things to do."

"I'm sure you do," Hawk snorted derisively. "Like siring more angsty half-elven Sue daughters."

"All right, fine, I'll go," Sauron fumed, shooting Hawk a look of pure evil as he made his way to the front of the room in a show of high bad grace and stood slightly apart from the other members of the Fellowship, as if to make it clear that if he was going to be a member, he was going to do it as reluctantly as possible. The other six characters of the Fellowship gave him looks that ranged from apprehensive to downright antagonistic (Éowyn clearly wasn't being forgiving about the whole Battle of Pelennor ordeal) and made no signs of welcoming the last member into the group.

Hawk was turning to the Fellowship, when another voice broke the silence. "I demand a chance to join, as well." Hawk snapped back around to see Uglúk now standing, his powerful arms folded and his brutish jaw clamped belligerently shut.

"No," Hawk snapped. "We have our nine members. The Fellowship is complete."

The Uruk-hai let out a low snarl. "What about Isengard? If Mordor has the chance to be represented, my master Saruman will want Isengard represented as well."

Hawk was well passed ready to get done with the meeting. The day already seemed to have been going on far too long, and she knew there was a great deal more to be completed before the evening came. She scowled at the huge orc, undaunted by the fact that he stood a foot and a half taller than her easily. "Maybe you should have volunteered earlier when there were still open spots. But no one else joins now. The Fellowship of the Pen is complete and this Briefing is done. So there!"

Uglúk showed his yellow teeth in a scowl of his own, but he did sit back down, muttering under his breath, "Lord Saruman will be displeased."

"Well then maybe Saruman should have actually come to the meeting," Hawk said. "You can tell him that, all right?"

Shaking her head, Hawk turned to eye the motley Fellowship. It did not seem likely that this small group would be able to forge straight into the heart of their Enemy's realm, fighting off Sues at every turn, to destroy an object that every Suethor in every Sue-world madly desired and would be coming after the moment they left the Hub.

But then again, Frodo's quest hadn't looked very promising either.

"The Fellowship of the Pen," Hawk murmured to herself in slight disbelief, hardly believing what the morrow held in store for them.

Beside her, Porter grinned and began to hum the Fellowship theme music.


A/N: Thanks for reading and joining the Quest of the Pen! I've got the general outline of the story planned, but from here on out, I'll welcome any suggestions from you, the readers, as well. If you've run across particular types of Sues or fanfiction writing that you'd like to see me parody as our Fellowship ventures into the Sue-world, or if you've got a suggestion for what horrors they might meet, feel free to suggest! I also plan to have some chapters showing what's going on back in Middle-earth, so any characters and Sues going after them are fair game, too! Cheers :) – SG