Author's note: No beta, we die like the algaeca victims
Barry watched Caitlin as she sat down at her kitchen table. She was slow moving and he had no doubt it was due to her weakened condition. Dying. She said she was dying. How was that possible? How in the world was that fair? Caitlin Snow had left them three years prior because she took a serum that would end up killing her? Fuck that. Fuck that. He stared at her, too afraid to take his eyes off her in fear she'd disappear into a cloud of smoke. "Okay. So run it by me one more time, Cait."
She heaved a sigh, and Barry knew she was tired of telling the story again, but he didn't do anything to stop her. "Julian gave me the serum he concocted for me and yes, it made Killer Frost leave my body, but no, it didn't come without consequences."
Barry swallowed thickly. Consequences. "You're dying, Caitlin. Do you know how much longer you have left?"
"A year and a half at most." She just looked so very tired.
"God," he choked out, feeling like he was splintering from the inside. "That - that – there's got to be something we can do about this! See a doctor or something!"
Caitlin laughed. "Barry, don't you think I've tried that? I saw a colleague in Central City, and then three more doctors when I moved here. They all said the same thing."
"Four doctors," Barry sneered. "That's hardly any. Let me get Harry and Cisco here - "
"No," Caitlin interrupted him, tone sharp. "I do not want to see them. I do not want them to see me like this. It's bad enough you're here."
Barry clenched his teeth. "Did you honestly expect me to not look for you?"
Caitlin sighed and it sounded world weary to Barry. "I expected you to go on with your lives. All of you. To not be bogged down by the fact that I left."
"You ran," Barry amended quietly. He was so infuriated with her, a white-hot anger he didn't know what to do with. If she had just stayed; had just told him the truth...he'd have found a way to help her.
Caitlin nodded, holding up a hand. "Fair enough. Maybe I did. But at the end of the day, it was still my choice to leave."
"Like it was your choice to take the serum?" Barry asked.
Caltlin narrowed her eyes. "Don't you punish me for doing exactly what all of you wanted me to do. Don't you dare."
Barry swallowed thickly, feeling guilty. He had wanted her to take Julian's serum. Had wanted her to not have powers. But..." Not at the cost of your life, Cait."
"Well," Caitlin chuckled dryly. "Had I known it was going to end up killing me, I would have thought differently about taking it. Thought on it harder. Julian just promised it would remove Killer Frost. And I trusted his assessment blindly."
Barry's heart wrenched. He wished Julian had done more research and had investigated the serum thoroughly, instead of just handing it to Cailin. And now, he was back in England, but Barry wasn't in much of a mood to go and track him down, the way he had tracked down Caitlin. "So, now what?"
"Now?" Caitlin laughed. "Well, now you go back home, and I continue working until it's my time."
The thought of Caitlin's time being any time soon was incomprehensible and deplorable to Barry. He growled. "Give me my next option."
"Barry," Caitlin sighed. "There is no other option."
Barry stood to his feet abruptly, hissing through his teeth as his chair clattered backwards. "I'm sorry, but that's not good enough for me. There must be more that we can do."
"I talked to doctors, Barry," Caitlin reminded him gently. "There is nothing."
"Then let me get Harry and Cisco here! Let them come and look at you!" Barry exclaimed.
"No," Caitlin said sharply. "I don't want them here."
"So that's it? You're just going to give up?" Barry demanded.
"What do you want me to do, Barry?" Caitlin asked wearily.
"Fucking fight!" Barry yelled, throwing his arms up. "Fight and win. You don't deserve to die like this."
"What if I do?" Caitlin asked quietly.
Barry felt his extremities turn cold as an iron-clad fist squeezed his chest. He narrowed his eyes and asked in a deathly quiet voice, "excuse me?"
"HR is dead because of me," she murmured.
"That's not your fault, Cait," he whispered, heart wrenching when tears sprang to her eyes.
"As good as," she muttered.
"Have you been carrying that guilt with you this whole time?" Barry asked softly. When she didn't answer, he had his answer. "Caitlin - you weren't in control of what Killer Frost was doing."
"And she lived up to her moniker," she mumbled, rubbing a hand down her face. The fight seemed to drain out of her, or perhaps it was never there in the first place, like it was for Barry. He picked up his chair and righted it. Sitting back down in it slowly, he looked at who he considered a best friend.
"Please let me call them, Caitlin. Please let Harry and Cisco help you. Let me help you. I know you took the serum to get rid of Killer Frost and I don't blame you, but this can't be the end for you. Please."
Caitlin looked at him and Barry studied her in kind. He implored her to reconsider. He knew that they had a fighting chance at beating this if they could just get Cisco and Harry over to London. He wasn't willing to lose one of his best friends because she thought it was penance for something her doppelganger did. He just wasn't.
Perhaps she could see the steely resolve in the tension of his muscles pulled taut. Perhaps she secretly wanted to fight but was scared. Whatever the case, Caitlin was exhaling a moment later and speaking.
"Call them."
