—J

..

I wake up lying on the bed, the room hazy from the film of blurriness in my eyes. Thoughts come back slowly, and when they do, I start crying. Three. Three lashes of the whip were all it took for me to fall head first into oblivion. Three to convince Father Aaron that I mean nothing to his daughter.

And don't I feel like nothing.

It's four in the morning—dark and cold. The only light source comes from the candle on the desk. The house is deathly quiet, almost like it knows. Simmering in dark delight, beneath the floorboards and behind the walls, something's sniggering, sinners, sinners, sinners.

I know, even without having to look, Lisa's sitting at the end of the bed by my feet. I sense her, her presence, knowing that she's looking ahead at nothing. Eyes transfixed, glazed, and haunted. I know because I'm doing the same, unable to look at her, at anything. Just feel all these terrible things inside of me.

A strong scent of blood hangs in the air from the whip's slashes. My dress must be open at the back because a chill licks the wounds. She didn't go easy on me. It may have been only three, but they go deep. As deep as the mess we've created.

The image of Lisa's expression right before she was about to whip me inhabits my thoughts, knowing she had to travel to a dark place to do that to me.

I'm too afraid to look at her now, to see the anger I know she has toward me in her eyes. Though, as it turns out, I don't have to.

"You turned me into him," she says, probably sensing I'm awake. "You turned me into the one person I've been trying my hardest not to become." Her voice trembles, and it makes my chest hurt. But does she deserve my pain for not telling me about her history with another girl dressed in white? "I hate what I did to you."

"You had to," I rasp, tears stinging my cheeks. "Or I would've died."

She shifts at the end of the bed. I still don't look at her. "That's if he's even convinced. You could end up dead anyway."

My bottom lip wobbles, and tears pool behind my eyelids. "Then we have to convince him there isn't anything going on."

"And how do you suppose we do that?" she asks, an edge to her tone. "When you can't stop."

This time, I turn in her direction, horrified by the words that have just come from her mouth. I try and sit up, but my back screams in agony, and I whimper. Arching her head, she stares down at me with a mixture of remorse and more anger.

"I'll…I'll stop if that's what you want. I won't talk to you again, just like how it was meant to be in the first place. I won't be another Jisoo."

"Good," she replies coldly, between her eyebrows wrinkled. "You might actually live."

With that, she gets up and leaves. She doesn't go into the bathroom this time. Instead, she leaves the bedroom altogether, slamming the door behind her.

I lie there listening to her footsteps until they're nothing more than faded thuds. A tear drips from my eye and falls onto the pillow, her words like daggers through my chest, the meaning stabbing me deeply.

Maybe this should be the end of her and me. To be alone just how it was always meant to be.

..

My back heals slowly, and it's hell. The first week, any slight movement makes the drying wounds split and bleed all over again. Even though Lisa and I aren't speaking and haven't since she whipped me, she tenses up whenever I cry out from any awkward movement. As if the memory of what she did comes back, and she relives it all over again. I know I do—every time. Even the second week is torture, and I think back to when she was whipped on her birthday. How did she deal with so many at one time? How she was able to move around the room without screaming in agony because that's exactly what I feel like doing.

By the end of the week, I'm able to eat downstairs in the dining room, even though I can't lean back and have to hunch over my meal. I'm not hungry and don't want to eat. The atmosphere's strained and silent. When dinner ends, Father Aaron straightens his back.

"I have something to announce," he says as I roll a pea around my plate. "Tonight, we're having a party. In which I expect you all to dress for the occasion. I've left something special for tonight on your bed, Jennie."

I swallow hard. It's the first time he's said anything to me since I was whipped. Would he get a dress for someone he intends to kill? Does it mean Lisa convinced him? The relief is instantaneous. "Thank you, my Lord."

Lisa sags beside me, and I wonder if it's relief also or something else. Does she know what this party will entail?

"We will talk alone," Father Aaron adds. Unlike any other time that he's requested my presence, all I feel is hollow inside.

After dinner finishes, John and Lisa leave the table, Lisa walking out without even a backward glance. While Penny clears away the dishes, I sit with my head bowed, knowing whatever Father Aaron says next will be a warning or a threat of some sort.

"I was meant to discuss the nature of your relationship with my daughter." This is it. This is my chance to put any suspicion to rest—an opportunity to save myself.

"You're right about me being wicked, my Lord." I'm surprised by how convincing I sound. "I don't mean to be. I don't know that I'm doing anything wrong. Gran always said I'm like my mother. Corruption runs through my veins."

"Hmm." He stares at me for a while, drumming his fingers against the table. "This is why you've been put in my path. To save you from yourself. My daughter is weak. She has always been. Though I cannot blame her for being privy to your beauty, as I too have struggled to contain my desire for you. Brother Joseph was right about women like you and your devil ways. But I know you do not mean for it to be that way. You are still deserving. I hope your punishment has taught you to be less provocative." I bite my tongue so hard, the metallic taste of blood pools in my mouth. I force myself to smile timidly through all the insanity. That is until he grabs my hand, and my smile instantly drops. "Besides, you're soon to be mine. Once you are, you will never be anyone else's."

"Thank you, my Lord," I say robotically, feeling nothing but everything. The emotions inside tearing me apart. "It means so much to me."

I swallow vomit.

"Very well. You may leave to get ready for the party. But Jennie, make sure you remember what I said. For if I ever find you with my daughter again, I will kill you."

..

Black. The dress Father Aaron chose for me to wear to the party is black. A halter with a white rounded collar bound at the waist and a pretty pair of black heels to match. I've never worn shoes like these before, and I nibble on my bottom lip as I take in the length and pointiness of them. Momma swore by heels. The higher, the better, she claimed. But I never understood how she was able to, well, walk.

Next to my new things, laid out just as neatly, is a white shirt and pants for Lisa. When I returned to the bedroom, she was staring at them with her teeth clenched behind her mouth. She didn't acknowledge that I'd come back, and I tried to smother my pain with anger.

I'm so angry that she's kept so much from me. Her relationship with Jisoo, who was also taken by Father Aaron, was like a slap to my face. But then, I should be angry with myself for being stupid, thinking I mean something to her. How can I if she can't be honest with me? Not only that, but I'm also not convinced this is the last of the secrets. Like why we're having a party. What are we celebrating?

It's eight-thirty when I grab the dress and shoes and get dressed in the bathroom, wincing when the clothing rubs on my scars. Running a brush through my hair and adding the headband, the heels feel strange as I slip them on my feet. Like when I first wore roller skates as a child. The same uncertainty if I'm going to fall is there, and I grab onto anything I can as I learn how to walk in them.

When I stumble back into the bedroom, Lisa's dressed too. As she fixes the cuff on her sleeve, I feel myself instantly blushing. She looks so pretty that I'm at a loss for words. Obviously still agitated, she glances my way, doing a once over of me. Despite her moodiness, her eyes widen a little, and she clears her throat before diverting her gaze away.

My chest flutters. No. We're not speaking. I'm meant to hate her. The butterflies in my stomach must die. Now.

"Let's go." Abruptly turning, she leaves the room. Letting out a deep breath, I follow her as best I can, knowing I'd die of embarrassment if I tripped and fell into the back of her.

Gripping onto the banister as I descend the stairs, my nerves kickstart when she takes me in the direction of the lounge. Penny waits by the door, appearing pleasantly different tonight. Wearing a black floor-length gown, she's brushed her hair back from her face, and there's a glow in her cheeks. Like this, I see Lisa in her features. Though, the coldness I know she harbors for me is potent in the same blue eyes when she glares at me. The same way Lisa does when she wants to hate me.

We walk into the room. The one I entered when I first came here, unbeknown of Father Aaron's dreadful plans for me. Unlike that day, red candles light every surface. Father Aaron and John are by the fire, the flames dancing across their dark silhouettes. They're both dressed to impress with glasses of red wine in hand. When they turn to me, I wish the ground would open and swallow me. John openly leers at me, and Father Aaron takes in my appearance with a wicked burn in his gaze. It immediately sickens me, and I know I'm in for a long night.

Music comes on. Slow, gloomy choir music that reminds me of what they constantly sang in church. It depresses me. Makes me the shivery kind of cold as I stand beside Lisa.

Father Aaron murmurs something to John, who nods and leaves with a secretive smirk on his face. Father Aaron turns to me then, grabbing a bottle of red wine and a glass. "A drink, Jennie?"

"I-I'm underage," I squeak out, but he laughs, pouring me one anyway.

"Nonsense." As I reluctantly take it from him, I note his good mood. He looks sharp like a cobra in his elegant, black suit. How can nobody else see it? The evilness? He has the entire town of Little Willow fooled.

Just then, a piercing scream cuts the silence like a knife. It's not mine or Penny's. She's beside Lisa with her lips firmly pursed. Lisa has her head bowed now, eyes purposefully avoiding mine because I'm sure if she looked at me, I'd see something I don't want to.

Like the girl John drags into the room and violently tosses onto the rug.

"No, no, no!" she screams, large brown eyes wide and terrified. I'm so in shock I can't move. "What do you people want from me? What do you want!"

I can't believe what I'm seeing. Every muscle in my body has seized as I take in the girl wearing a white dress. Another me.

She's not familiar, certainly not from St Mary's high school. You'd remember a face like hers. Even wet and red with tears, she's stunningly beautiful—like a model you'd see in a magazine. Thin lips, soft skin, and a slender nose. But she's terrified, cowering and shaking brutally, the dress so thin on her slim frame.

She screams again when Father Aaron goes to her, and my heart drops to my stomach. That scream. Why do I recognize it? It was her. She was who I saw the night I was sick with a fever. Who I saw downstairs when I was looking for Lisa. I wasn't hallucinating.

"This is Rosé," Father Aaron introduces her as if all of this is normal when it's not. "I found her not long after I saved you, Jennie. Like you, I knew she needed my help. Although, she is proving most…difficult." Rosé sobs uncontrollably into the rug. As I stare wide-eyed down at her, I see myself, her fear the same as mine had been.

But seeing another one of Father Aaron's victims isn't the only thing troubling me. Lisa's still not looking at me, and I know why. My heart cracks. Because she lied to me. She knew about this. She knew Father Aaron had another girl in this house, and she kept it from me.

Her betrayal cuts deep, and now everything makes sense. She was pushing me away because she knew about this. I'd never considered the possibility that there might be another entangled in this web. Is Rosé the only one? Are there more girls hidden in this house somewhere?

It's like I've been kicked in the stomach. Everywhere hurts. All because Lisa didn't tell me.

"Seeing as Rosé is our newest family member, I think she must have time to adjust like you did, Jennie. She can learn from you. I've already spoken with my daughter—Rosé will be staying with you both in her room. Hopefully, Rosé can learn obedience faster. Or I might have to try a different method."

My body stiffens, Lisa's deceit now in the open, and it makes my blood boil. How could she? How many opportunities has she had to tell me and hasn't?

Lifting the glass of wine to my lips, I gulp it down when I've never drunk before until it's all gone and Father Aaron's taking it from me to refill it. This is why he's so happy. He's done it again, taken another girl, and no doubt will get away with it. He's sick!

I listen to Rosé's sobs. She has to stay in the same room as us, and Lisa has to make her listen and conform. Like how she made me. Or Rosé will be hurt. Or killed.

Hurt stabs my chest, and I can't breathe. I take another sip of wine and then another until that's gone too. Before I know it, Lisa's in my face, ripping the glass out of my hand and putting it onto the mantel of the fireplace.

"No more," she orders in a low tone. Glancing over her shoulder, Father Aaron's busy dancing with Penny now, and John's kneeling down by Rosé tormenting her.

Lifting my head, I finally meet her glare with one of my own. "Go to hell," I spit at her.

I go to walk away, but as always, she grabs my arm and whirls me back around to her.

"What's going on?" Father Aaron calls out from the other side of the room, and I stare at Lisa with a mixture of disbelief and fear. What is she doing? Does she want to get beaten?

But her arm wraps around my waist instead, and she grabs my hand. "Jennie wants to dance."

"No, I do—" Her fingers dig into my hip, stopping me from saying anything more. Go with it. Even though I could think of nothing worse right now.

"Fine, fine," Father Aaron drunkenly brushes off, continuing to spin Penny around, who smiles up at him like he's the most remarkable person to ever walk the earth. I would've thought it quite sad if I weren't so distracted by their daughter driving a dagger into my heart.

Despite my fury toward her, my face burns as Lisa moves me to the music. The first time we've ever danced, and I'm terrible at it. Somehow, she manages to lead me around the room without any mishaps in my shoes.

"Go to hell?" she questions once we're out of earshot of anyone.

I nod as she forces me to keep moving. "You're a liar. You told me nobody was screaming, or did you think I'd forget about that?"

Her jaw hardens, and I get my answer.

Pushing her away, I turn to Father Aaron. "M-my Lord?" my voice quivers, still hating using that name for him. "May I go and lie down? I may have drunk too much."

"But we've so much to celebrate," Father Aaron says, and Penny glowers at me like I'm ruining everything.

"I'm sorry." My tongue feels thick and too large in my mouth, the wine fuzzing the edges of my vision. "Please?"

With a sigh, he nods. "Fine. Go."

Nodding but not listening, I move around a howling Rosé and rush for the stairs. Once out of view, a cry splinters my throat. Putting my hand over my mouth to smother the sound, I don't stop until I'm in the bedroom and slamming the door behind me.

I've been robbed. I've experienced things with Lisa, let her touch and kiss me, and she couldn't be honest with me.

I'm to break you, Jennie.

Is she happy now? She's more than broken me.

Throwing myself onto the bed, I cry so hard my heart feels like it might burst out of my chest. All this time, I've been caught in a lie. Has anything between us been real? Or am I just a frustration she takes out on me like she did with Jisoo?

Going into the bathroom, I undress and kick the heels off. I can only guess the color change in clothing means tonight was a kind of initiation. That I'm now a faithful member of this sadistic household.

Catching my reflection in the mirror, tears streak my cheeks. White-hot anger sears my insides, so aggressive, I have the urge to lash out. And I do. Slamming my fist into the mirror, I hit it repeatedly until it cracks. I'm bleeding, a chunk of skin now missing from my knuckle. Ouch. Blood pours from it, and I feel nothing as I watch it drip into the basin. How can I feel nothing?

I've always been the good girl. Always friendly and polite and stupidly naïve. I never confront or argue. Always bow down and accept. Even I know the old Jennie is gone. Who am I now? What has the badness changed me into?

The bedroom door opens, but I don't move nor care that I'm standing here in just my underwear. Footsteps sound behind me. "What the fuck have you done?"

Lisa. She's taken my hand and runs my knuckles under the faucet. She's furious and yelling at me, but I can't hear a word she's saying. All I can do is watch her press a towel to the cut, mopping up the blood still spilling down my hand. I look so pale in the cracks of the mirror, my watery eyes vacant and dead.

I feel dead.

Grabbing her shirt, I push her back into the wall. She isn't expecting it, and she smacks into the tiles with an audible oomph. Just as she's about to ask what I'm doing, I kiss her hard. And then I pull back and slap her, the sound of it crashing in my ears. I splatter blood everywhere. On her shirt, on the tiles, and floor.

"You lied." She stares at me in shock, and maybe I'm shocked too. But I'm sick of feeling like this.

"I—"

"How long have you known?" She bows her head and looks at the ground. "Look at me! Look at me and tell me the truth!"

She does. "Since Christmas."

"You've known since…since Christmas?" My voice shakes, and I can't believe it. All this time? Grabbing the towel off her, I wrap it around my throbbing hand. "And you thought I wasn't worthy enough of knowing?"

She runs a hand through her hair and scrunches it at the base. "You were sick, and then the punishment happened, I couldn't, I…"

"I guess I don't mean anything to you. Who even knows? When Rosé stays in this room, you'll probably try getting it on with her too!"

Her face twists with disgust, and I know what I said is childish and taunting, but she deserves it. "I wouldn't go near her."

"I don't believe you," I yell at her. "You're a liar!"

"For fucks sake, Jennie," she swears at me. "You do mean something to me. Things are different with us. I don't know what, but they are. They still are, even after what I did to you—"

"Stop it. Nothing's different. You keep everything from me. You don't do that to people you like."

"I keep things from you because I care about you, and I've hurt you enough. I told you that I don't deserve you, and you never listened. You kept pushing. Do you think I can even touch that girl in that way? What happened with Jisoo was a mistake, but we aren't a mistake. It's not like I planned for it to happen."

I shake my head. "And yet you'll watch your father rape me." She grits her teeth. "Fight," I suddenly blurt. "Fight with me, and we'll get out. Have a life away from this place. You hate him and what he does but do his bidding? For what?"

Her teeth grind together. "It's not that simple."

"It is. I think the only reason you're staying is because of your mother. Why can't you see that she will put him before you always?"

"It's nothing to do with her. Never has been." Her tone is stern. Impatient. "You don't want a life with me. I can't give it to you. You don't know what or who my father is involved with. The people he's friends with will come for us both if we escape. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Jisoo before, or about the new girl. I'm sorry I keep hurting you. But why can't you see that I'm trying to keep you safe?"

"Then prove it." She frowns with confusion as I take her hand and pull her into the bedroom. Pushing her onto the bed, I step between her parted knees. If anybody walks in and witnesses this, I'll be dead in an instant.

Why don't I care?

Running my hand through her hair, she breathes out, her hands gripping the back of my thighs. "When your father had you whip me to convince him that I hadn't used my wickedness and seduced you, you proved it to him. So, prove to me that you're sorry. That you're trying to keep me safe. That you care about me."

She gazes up at me questioningly. "How?"

Leaning into her, I lower my head and kiss her. Unlike before, this kiss is slow and deep. Maybe it's the wine, but it feels enhanced somehow, her taste driving me wild. Butterflies erupt inside my chest. It's been a while since it's been like this, and I've missed her. Letting my hands slip down, I go to grab the button of her pants. But like I knew she would, she immediately grabs my wrists. Our eyes clash, and I hope she can see what I want without saying the words aloud.

"Jennie, no." She shakes her head, moving away from me by standing. "You don't want that."

"Don't tell me what I want." Emotion swells in my chest that she's about to reject me. "This is the one thing I still have control of. So much has been taken away from me already, don't let him take this choice away."

"We can't—"

"If you do care about me, feel anything for me, then give me this."

Scrubbing a hand down her face, she groans. "You won't be a virgin anymore. We got away with it last time, but we won't the next."

Reaching out, I grab her arm. "Lisa—"

"No. If that's not bad enough, I'll hurt you. It won't even be worth it."

"I know it's supposed to hurt."

She shakes her head. "What you're asking—"

"Is something you want to happen, and so do I."

"You don't know what you want," she argues. "You're drunk and being irrational. I'd never do anything without your consent."

"I had two glasses. I'm not drunk. You have my consent to take my virginity."

"You're not thinking straight." Walking toward me, she grabs the back of my neck and our foreheads touch. "Don't ask me to do this."

"Please," I whisper, gripping her shirt. "Help me trust you."

Staring into my eyes, I gasp when she gives in and kisses me. Wrapping my arms around her neck, I kiss her back, my stomach somersaulting, realizing I've never stopped wanting her. Even though she's a liar. Even though she won't fight her family to free us.

If this is all she can give me, then it has to be enough.

As her tongue enters my mouth, she grabs my hips and backs me up against the dresser. Her mouth drops to my neck as she grips my backside and lifts me. Wrapping my legs around her, she pulls away so we can both catch our breaths.

"Tell me to stop." I shake my head, clinging onto her, afraid that she'll push me away if I don't hold on tight. "Do you still dream of me?"

"Every night."

She kisses me again. Carrying me over to the bed, she sets me down and leans up to look at me. With her black hair hanging over her forehead, she resembles every bit the Devil's daughter as her hands run down my stomach and thighs. It tickles, and I moan, burning hot. My panties are already soaked. The familiar ache and need for her firing up.

Pulling down the cups of my bra, she leans over me and swirls her tongue around my nipple, groaning like she's been starved and she's getting her first meal. Lifting her head, she squeezes her eyes shut. "We can't do this."

"If you don't, he will, and you'll lose me," I vow because it's true. Once Father Aaron takes me, I'll die a thousand deaths. I know I will.

Swearing beneath her breath, she gets off the bed. Just when I think she might be leaving, Lisa grabs the chair and drags it over to the door. Shoving it up under the handle, it'll buy us time if anyone tries to come in. Music is still blaring downstairs, and I can hear Father Aaron laughing still.

Turning back to me, I stare nervously at her as she comes back over to the bed and leans over me. A trail of goosebumps prickles my skin as her hand goes under the hem of my panties. Touching between my legs, her fingers moving in a circular motion around my clit. My back arches from the bed. "You're so wet."

I flush. "Is that…a good thing?"

Leaning up, she kisses me on the mouth and nods. Unclipping my bra from behind, she drags it down my arms and then pulls down my panties. My heart races as she undoes her belt and unbuttons her pants, pulling them down, along with her boxers, until they're off. Her shirt's next, and she unbuttons each button torturously slow. She's now naked, and I can't take my eyes off her. The touch of her skin on mine makes me burn up like I have a fever again as she comes back down, kissing me more ferociously this time. She's intoxicating me, and I never want her to stop.

Spreading my legs wider, I feel her hard and jutting as she rubs against my sex. This is it, I think. Holding my breath, my nails dig into her arms, and she pauses. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. Just…be gentle with me."

Her features soften, and she wraps her arm around my shoulders, holding me closer to her. "I promise I'll try to."

It takes her a few tries to push the tip of herself inside of me. I inhale sharply and grip her tighter, knowing I'm going to leave nail indents on her skin.

"Relax," she tells me, placing tiny kisses in the corners of my mouth. "It'll hurt much worse if you tense."

Pushing into me a little more, I let out a small cry as she stretches me. I'm unsure whether she's in entirely, and I'm uncertain if I want her to go any further. "Lisa."

"I'll stop."

"No—no." How conflicting my thoughts are. Wanting her to stop but not wanting her to. "Keep going. J-just slowly."

Pulling out as gently as she can, being the size that she is, she slowly pushes into me again. It still hurts and feels weird. But the strangled noise of pleasure she makes has my insides rattling. It's the hottest sound I've ever heard from her mouth, reminding me of the time I watched her in the bathroom, dying to know what her face looked like up close. And now I'm witnessing her coming apart because of me.

I know she's holding back, but the pain lessens as she keeps a steady pace, each thrust getting easier to bear. Her body shakes against mine, sweat beading her brow. "Jennie."

A shot of pleasure ripples through my core at the sound of my name. It's unlike anything I've ever felt before. Her breathing hitches when she feels it too, and she swells even thicker inside of me. Her hips jerk into me a little quicker this time, and it's a nice kind of pain. I moan, consumed by her. All these feelings I've never felt before.

"You're so beautiful," she whispers, and I realize she's staring down at me. Our breaths get heavier, our movements more demanding. Bending down, her mouth finds my nipple again, and she lavishes it with her tongue, enough to send multiple tingles rushing through my body. Instinctively, I arch my hips, meeting her thrust, and the feeling I get knocks my breath away.

"Oh…" I do it again and again, each time the feeling building, getting more intense. Like all those other times, but more. Somehow.

"Oh fuck." Her words are a rush of hot air against my skin. She buries her head in the crook of my neck, and I push my hands through her damp hair, tugging gently.

In the next second, my orgasm ripples through my body, and I'm falling and falling. Lisa plants her palm over my mouth as I moan and wither beneath her.

"I have to…I have to pull out." I hear her say in the haze of pleasure. Pulling out of me, something hot and warm falls onto my stomach, and then she collapses on top of me, sweat dampening us both as we work to catch our breaths. Closing my eyes, I grip onto her, running my hand through her damp hair and kissing her on the mouth, wanting more, never wanting to let her go.

She lifts her head, worry in her eyes as she inspects me. "Did I hurt you?"

"Hmm?" I murmur hazily.

"Did I hurt you?"

Opening my eyes, I look at her and shake my head. "It hurt a little at first, but then it got better."

She sighs. "You don't regret it?"

"No," I say, meaning it. "I don't regret it. I wanted you to be my first. I…I've never felt like this before."

"Neither have I," she says, features twisting with something I can't name.

I bite my lip. "You haven't? Jisoo didn't…um…you know?"

"No," she replies dryly. "Do you know how I know it's different?" I shake my head. "Because I'm willing to go to hell to have you again. Right now." My face flushes, feeling her hardening again. "And I never wanted her again."

"Oh." I want her too, even though I'm sore and aching and bleeding. "Can I come to hell with you?"

Groaning, she kisses me again, and then we fall into the fire.

..

..

..