"I appreciate you giving me the time to travel here so that we could discuss things properly. I know there's a lot that needs to be said, and we will talk about it all, I promise. I think that the elephant in the room right now though, is Roihichi". Rei dropped her head and took a deep breath. The open cavern that they stood in echoed as she spoke, and Rei could hear her voice reverberating through the space. It might have been all in her head, but to her the sound felt like judgment. "You're obviously wondering, and of course we can get into the details of it later- but yes, he's your son"
Zero sucked in a huge breath and Rei gave him a quick moment to process the information, but not too much time to start questioning things.
"Like I said, I'll explain everything, but right now I promised him some introductions and I'd really like to get that over with" Rei said in a shaky voice, shifting her focus away from the conflict she saw in his eyes.
"Wait, Rei. What does he know about me? At least tell me that, what did you tell him?" Zero leaned forward, the anxiety apparent on his face.
"Right now, he doesn't yet know that you're his father. As for his father in general, I've never really said. I've always told him that he was special, and because of that he only got to have a mom… he may be really upset with me for this as well, but I'll just have to manage that also…". She unconsciously ran her hand across the back of her neck, where she kept her hair tightly pinned up.
"I'm going to call him in…". Rei knew she wasn't being completely fair, but she had to press on and get this over with before she could lose her nerve. She quickly called out for Roi to join them.
Roihichi came in with a nervous look on his face. "Where's Kaname?" He asked, looking around for him. Rei could hear a barely audible grunt from Zero, at Roi's mention of Kaname's name.
"Kaname isn't in here right now, he's having an important chat with our other friend. Remember this is so that you can meet the new people that we're here with", Rei said, bending down slightly to talk with the boy and trying to keep her voice as steady as possible.
"Oh, okay right" Roi replied, peering warily at Zero. "So I guess Kaname is meeting with that lady then? Hmm, well you said that this guy is someone important right?"
"Yeah," Rei said, casting a glance over her shoulder at Zero. He looked incredibly nervous and Rei couldn't say she blamed him.
"He's actually really, really special in more ways than one. Come and see."
She led Roi closer to Zero and the boy looked up in curiosity at him.
"Um, if you're a friend of my mom, then I'm really sorry I ran away like that"
Zero crouched down and smiled "No, that was a really smart and brave thing to do. You remind me a lot of your mom. I think she taught you well"
Roi flushed and turned to hold on to his mom. Rei crouched down as well, placing her hand gently across Roihichi's slim shoulders.
"So Roi, one of the things that is special about Zero is that he shares a similar trait with you. Something that you haven't seen before yet." Rei looked up at Zero.
"Zero would you show Roi what you can do?"
Zero looked perplexed. He thought about it for a moment. Something he hadn't seen before? As he thought of the world that this kid had grown up in for the last 8 years, he understood. "You mean you want me to… won't he be scared?"
Rei nodded. "Yes please, and no he won't be scared. Trust me on that."
Zero was skeptical, but he looked at Roi and said "I'm just going to show you, don't worry okay?" He wasn't completely certain if it was the best move, but he went into a transformation, forcing himself into his vampire state. Roi's eyes grew as he saw Zero's eyes change to red. Zero slowly opened his mouth and showed Roi his fangs. Roi's eye's widened even more and he jumped up.
"Mom!"
Zero stepped back, looking at Rei with worry.
"Mom! He's a vampire! I thought you said there weren't that many left? So cool, so cool!" Roi turned back towards Zero, running right up to him and bobbing up and down on his toes. "Can I see your fangs again? Wow, they're SO much bigger than mine!" The smile on his face was so big and so bright, Zero could do nothing but stare at it in wonder. How sad that he had missed so many years. He was still shell-shocked that he had a son, but he was happy about it and excited to get to know this smiling kid bouncing around in front of him.
"Hey! Your hair didn't change though? Mom! Why didn't his hair change color?"
Still lightly jumping from toe to toe, Roi put a hand on Zero's arm on tugged. "My hair changes color when I turn!" He said proudly. "Why didn't yours change color? Does that only happen to some vampires? Does it stop when you get older? Your eyes are WAY redder than mine too! Mine-"
"Okay, okay!" Rei said, roping Roi in and settling him down.
"Yes, he is a vampire, but remember I said that he was important in more ways than one?" Roi looked up at her and nodded.
Suddenly very solemn, Rei got down on her knees and looked Roihichi directly in his face. "Roihichi, This man's name is Zero. Zero Kiryu-"
"No way! Of the Kiryu clan of Vampire hunters!" Roi started bobbling up and down, and again attempted to run to Zero to bombard him with more questions. Rei grabbed him before he could go, and settled him back in front of her.
"Sit still Roihichi." Roi heard the tone of his mother's voice and immediately gave intense focus to what she was saying.
"Yes, of the Kiryu clan, but that is not the most important thing." Rei sighed and locked eyes with her son
"More important than any of that, is that Zero Kiryu is your father."
Rei paused. She knew that it was going to take a moment for those words to sink in. She wanted to give him time to digest it. Roi stood still looking into her eyes for a moment, a quizzical look on his face.
"Father? My…Father?"
"Yes, your father" Rei said, placing her hands on Roi's shoulders and gently turning him to face Zero. "He's your dad and he's been waiting to meet you."
Roi stood still- frozen in place. Zero stayed crouched down, not moving. He wanted to give Roihichi whatever time he needed, and didn't want to rush him or risk scaring him off.
"Roi…" Rei whispered to him, "Zero didn't know about you before the other day. He just found out that you existed, and now that he knows, he really wants to get to know you…" At these words, Roi turned to look at his mother.
"Really? He didn't know? … Just like me?"
Rei nodded, a tear slipping down her face. "Really. He didn't know"
Roihichi bit his lip and then slowly walked over to where Zero was crouched waiting for him.
"So… are you really a Kiryu?" He asked
Zero laughed "Yes, I really am"
Roihichi paused "And you're really my dad too?"
"Yes, I really am"
"So that means that I'm a Kiryu"
Zero's face broke into a huge grin "Yes, I suppose it does. You and I are the last Kiryu left"
Roi jumped up, the bright smile returning to his face. "That is so awesome!" He threw his arms around Zero's neck
"It will be really cool to have a dad. Mom's great, but she's still just a girl." Roi looked back over his shoulder at Rei who was sitting on the floor, eyes glued to the scene in front of her.
Zero looked up and met Rei's eyes. He wasn't sure how to be a parent. In fact, after the Associations 'Purge' years ago, having children was something that he'd completely put out of his mind. Suffice it to say that he was experiencing a whirlwind of emotions right now, but ultimately, being here with Roihichi, he felt like it was going to be okay and he was really looking forward to it.
"So you couldn't hold his heart, but he gave you his body?" Kaname addressed her from the corner of his eyes as he leaned against the wall in the corridor, his arms lightly folded. The question wasn't accusatory and it dawned on Rei that Kaname hadn't previously realized that Roi was Zero's son.
Rei nodded slowly, "Yes, I asked for and willingly accepted it. I was happy to have him in that way, in that moment. Little could I have known that as much as I loved Zero, I would gladly take that little boy in that room over having his heart any day…". She glanced back towards the cave opening where Yuki, Rohichi and Zero now remained.
"It's a different type of love, but so much stronger…Even if it meant Zero would finally love me back and I could have the one thing I've always wanted, I could never give that kid up. I never regretted that night I spent with Zero. Not at the time that it happened and not when I learned that I was carrying his child. He may not love me, but I loved him and that was always more than enough for me. Roi was conceived in love and he's walking proof of my affection for his father."
Kaname stared straight ahead as she spoke, tight-lipped and silent. Sighing, Rei stepped deeper into the cavern "While they're in there, we should take the opportunity to talk. I imagine after your time with Yuki, you also have a lot on your mind."
Turning into an open space, Rei and Kaname stepped together into another empty cavern. Inhaling deeply Rei turned to face him. "So what did Yuki tell you?"
Kaname's dark eyes turned towards her, holding her gaze as she held her breath. "Everything I suppose." Kaname leaned back against a wall and turned to look up at the rocky ceiling above them. "I now know what Zero, Yuki, and apparently even Roihichi are…" He paused to glance quickly at Rei's face. " I know what I used to be…Who…I used to be…" With a loud sigh he pushed himself off the wall and quickly strode to the middle of the room standing near the place where Rei herself stood, as she waited unsteadily to hear the rest of his words. Kaname shifted his eyes towards Rei, measuring her reaction. "She offered to bring me back…Give me my memories back and turn me back into what I once was." With these words he turned to face Rei directly, placing his hands on her shoulders and staring her squarely in the face. "I'm conflicted. If I chose this life, there must have been a reason. And if I'm being honest with myself, the person you described to me – I'm not so sure that I want to remember him." He paused and hesitantly lifted a hand to lightly stroke her cheek, enjoying the small rush of pleasure he received at the slight tremor he felt from her body and the light blush on her cheeks as he did so. "Any person that could bring fear like that to you…" He took a quick step back and looked away, brow furrowed. " I couldn't like a man like that. How could I possibly be him?"
Rei held herself back from reaching out to him. She wanted to offer comfort, but it was a dilemma that she couldn't fully understand. She had a fresh start of her own, but her memories remained intact. She had a constant reminder of who she had been and those who she had hurt and left in her wake. How would it feel to know nothing of who she had been? Would it make her stronger or somehow less than? Instead, she quietly asked the other question that had been silently sitting in her chest since she and Kaname had entered this area.
"What about your feelings? You were near her and she told you who she was- did your heart remember did it… stir… anything in you?"
Kaname slowly turned towards her as Rei looked expectantly towards him. She was eager to know the answer, but why? She had made it clear that her heart wasn't available, so why should it matter? Because it would be just another treasure that Yuki would hold in her hands, while Rei held nothing? It shouldn't matter, yet for some reason the question and his answer plagued her.
Kaname opened his mouth but no words came out. He silently closed it and appeared to ponder again over the question. His eyes focused on Rei and he again took a step towards her. This time his hands remained at his side, but his body was so close. Rei could feel the warmth of his breath and the heat of his body. She suddenly realized that she was holding her breath. She wanted to move, to step back but she couldn't. Keeping his gaze she focused on breathing as she waited for his reply.
A soft, sad smile formed on Kaname's lips as he looked at her. "Yes" he said, lifting a hand and tenderly sliding it against her hair. "I felt it. A feeling of love so deep that even memory loss apparently can't stop it". Rei blinked hard and nodded mutely. She took a small step back, swallowing hard and shifting her head to look off towards the lower corner of the room, "I figured you would… You really loved her you know…" She gave a small half shrug.
"-but" Kaname said, cutting her off and closing the gap with a step forward of his own, reaching out and gently grasping her arms. "It doesn't change anything that I've said to you already…"
Lifting a hand, he gently grasped her chin and tugged her face forward to meet his, "Maybe it's too late and if I'd just seen her first, I wouldn't have felt this way? I don't know, but while I know that my heart does seem to ache for her, I can't deny that it still calls for you too". He looked earnestly into her eyes, seemingly searching for something – understanding or maybe an answer to his confusion.
Rei let a wry smile cross her face as she lightly brushed Kaname's hand from her arm and stepped back from his grip on her chin. "Yeah, welcome back to the chain of irony. I've read this story before too. Spoiler alert, it doesn't end well. Never does. If you don't believe me, you can ask Zero yourself. I've seen what it did to him. I'm not interested in filling those shoes." Rei paused and looked down at the ground in careful thought.
"Matter of fact, if you're feeling this way now.." she looked up, concern flooding her violet eyes "Zero is going to be pulled right back into it, especially if your memories come back!" She couldn't help it – a spark of panic shot through her as she thought of him once again being strung along as second-fiddle in the triangle with Yuki and Kaname. Rei's slender mouth turned into a frown. He finally had what he wanted- all of Yuki's love to himself- would he lose it now? Was she somehow responsible for this?
Kaname reached out towards Rei and then slowly brought his hand back. He didn't blame her for pulling away. She'd already shared her pain with him and he knew about the history of her feelings. He didn't have the right to cause her more pain or confusion. After all, hadn't he just basically told her she had his heart, to only less than a day later, now tell her that she would share it with someone else? And not just anyone else, but the same person who already held in her hands the very heart that Rei herself coveted most. The pain in Kaname's chest was sharp. Maybe it was best to keep his memories locked. Surely it could only get worse from here.
With a face that couldn't mask the pain he felt, Kaname looked to Rei, worried about what he might find on her face. He found only blankness. She stared off to the side with a face that reflected absolutely nothing. For some reason, Kaname found this expression more troubling than anything else.
"Are you hiding, Rei?" He asked quietly. She didn't respond. She didn't blink or move, just continued to stare silently, lost in her own thoughts. Kaname watched her wordlessly. After a time, he quietly reached out his arm and gently folded her slim frame against his chest. He said nothing, but held her softly there, the side of her face pressed comfortably against his hard chest, his arm protectively around her shoulder. After a moment, Kaname could feel the wetness seeping through his shirt. He lightly lifted the arm from her shoulders and began to gently stroke her hair. He felt the shudder rush through her body and she raised her arms to grip him and pull herself tightly against him. Feeling another sharp pain in his chest, Kaname lay his cheek upon her head and whispered "It doesn't matter- I do love you. Tell me…"
Rei tried to quell the onslaught of tears but the build up was too strong. The past few days had been too much. After 8 years… Seeing Kaname, Yuki, and Zero… having to explain and introduce Roihichi… Kaname's confession…the time spent she'd with him.. The emotions were whirling and she couldn't breathe. And yet there was still so much more. She hadn't even had a proper conversation with Zero yet and she was filled with dread about the prospect of that. The tears poured down her face non-stop. She couldn't remember the last time she cried. Had it been 8 years ago? Crying as she took what she believed would be her last look at Zero's face? The ground crumbling beneath her, and Rido's life force destroying her body. Yes, that had been it. There had been no need for tears since then. No reason, except once. Just THAT night. Rei squeezed her eyes shut against the threat of that memory, forcing it back. But now… what was Kaname doing to her? This was Kaname, she knew him well -he manipulated people, he had a single-track mind for his own singular goals and purposes. He had tried to ruin her and had threatened to kill Zero in pursuit of them, and yet now his words somehow had the power to bring her to tears? 'Stop'. She told herself; willed herself. 'Stop now. Roihichi is here- you have to stay strong for him. You have a job to do and you can't lose sight of that. It's what's most important. Nothing else.' With a deep breath, she placed her hands on Kaname's chest and firmly pushed herself back, taking a step away from him. She vigorously wiped her eyes and looked up at him. The eyes that stared back at her almost drove her to tears again. They were so sad. What she saw in them momentarily stopped her in her tracks. She forgot what she was doing and what she was saying. She wanted to touch him, just a bit…. Abruptly shaking her head, Rei again wiped her eyes and lifted her head, this time keeping her eyes lowered so that there was no direct contact.
"It's nothing" she said, trying to keep her voice steady. "It's been a long day with a lot of revelations, and still more to come. That's all." She cleared her throat and straightened her clothes, making a pointed effort not to look at Kaname's face. She understood now that if she did, this wouldn't work at she wouldn't have the strength left for the harder conversation that was still to come.
"Rei" He called softly.
"Seriously Kaname. It's fine. I'm glad that your feelings resurfaced, I knew that they would. I'm concerned about what it means for Zero though, but I guess it will all get figured out. My only concern now is Roi". She took another step back, still not looking directly at him.
"Honestly, thank you for telling me about your talk, and good luck deciding what to do about your memories, I really hope you make the right decision. The one that makes you happiest." Rei, moved towards the cavern opening.
"Rei." Her name more firmly on his lips this time. Kaname reached out and grasped her wrist.
"I can see you won't talk about what's really bothering you, but even still I had hoped you'd hear me out about the memory decision. I'm very uncertain and I do value your opinion". He paused. " I need you…"
Rei stopped. She took a breath. She wanted to escape. This was too deep and too heavy, but she heard it in his voice and she knew she wouldn't leave him, especially not after he had asked. Forcing a light smile to her face she turned towards him.
"Sure. Of course. You tell me this time…"
Kaname and Rei sat together on the ground of the cavern and Kaname explained more about the conversation he'd had with Yuki and the concerns he had about regaining his memories.
"I believe," he said cautiously, "that this, human 'me' is meant to be with you. With you and Roihichi.." He glanced up to see how she would take his words. Rei's face remained stoic, and she said nothing, so he continued. "The feelings for Yuki belong to the old Kaname, but right now, I'm not him any longer. If I continued as I am now, I have no need to remember any of that and my focus would remain on capturing your heart. I know you say it belongs to that guy, but even now, I want to make you mine". Kaname didn't look up this time, but he could feel Rei stiffen beside him. He let out a deep breath "As I am now, If I could somehow make you love me, I could spend my human life by your side, we could spend this life together…". The corners of his mouth turned down, "If I were to regain my memories, I fear that my path will change. I may no longer be 'me' and my path will once again tie to her as will my future, leaving no space for you within it. I don't want to give you up, and I don't want to be a man that you can't love. However, I also now fear that there may be things in my past that I need to know and that without them maybe I can't be whole…". He trailed off, running long, slender fingers into his silky black hair.
Rei finally spoke. "Kaname, I'm sorry. I want to, I really do, but I actually can't help you with this". His head tilted down and he looked at her. Her eyes met his and were full of grief and pain. "It's not a decision that I can make for you. I can't tell you what should mean more and I can't tell you what you should give up. I just can't". Rei shook her head hard, tears splashing.
"I can only tell you to do what you feel is best for you." Rei got to her knees and scooted over to Kaname, she put her arms around his neck and hugged him close. "I want what's best for you, I truly do. That's all. I'll support whatever choice you make, and I'll always see you as this Kaname. No matter what, I believe that this person you've become will now always be a part of you whether you decide to regain your memories or not." She pulled her head back to look him in his eyes and gave him a soft smile. Kissing him gently on his cheek, she brushed his hair with her fingertips and got to her feet. "Now, I've got to go have a long overdue chat, and reckon with the consequences of some of my own decisions". She walked to the edge of the cavern opening and looked back at Kaname, still sitting in the middle of the area. She gave him a small wave, flashed him another quick, sad smile and was off. Kaname raised his hand and watched her leave. With a heavy sigh, he laid to the ground and began contemplating his next move.
Zero was waiting down one of the cavern corridors for Rei to finish her talk with Kaname. As she came out, he looked up from his own thoughts and stood up straight to greet her. He was nervous. He had never expected to see her again and now here she was alive and well, and with a child no less. His son. There was so much he wanted to know and he didn't know where he would begin or how to even start...
Rei braced herself as she closed in on Zero. This was going to be a difficult conversation and she wasn't ready for it. She'd known that one day this might come to pass. She'd had years to prepare and she'd ran the scenario over in her mind thousands of times. But even still, she could never truly be ready for this, and there was no amount of preparation that would ever make the upcoming conversation any easier. She struggled to swallow down the hard lump in her throat and to quell her panicked nerves, as she readied herself for what was sure to be the single most difficult conversation she would have in her entire life….
