Remus hadn't said a word since they boarded the train. He stared straight out the window, watching the world rush by through heavily lidded, exhausted eyes. The others had given up on trying to distract him, only receiving distant grunts and one-worded, mumbled answers when they tried to talk to him.
Eventually, there was a slight clunk as his forehead hit the window and he began to snore lightly.
James and Peter shot a worried look at Sirius, who sighed tiredly. "He didn't sleep much last night."
Very gently, Sirius took Remus by the shoulders and repositioned him. Remus mumbled something, but he didn't open his eyes. "It's okay, Rem," Sirius said softly. "That just can't be comfortable. C'mere, babe…"
Remus seemed to take the hint and he shifted so that he was lying across the seat with his head on Sirius' lap and Sirius' fingers began to thread through his curls.
James stood and shrugged out of his robe, laying it over the werewolf.
"Thanks, mate," Sirius muttered and James smiled sadly in return.
When the trolley witch came by, Peter stood before she could answer the door and he slipped outside to make his purchase so that no noise disturbed Remus. When he returned some moments later, he had pockets full of sweets for all of them and had bought the witch's entire stock of Honeydukes' best chocolate which he handed to Sirius in case Remus woke up.
"So what about you?" James asked finally, keeping his voice low, as Sirius had threatened to punch anyone who woke his sleeping boyfriend.
"Hmm?" Was Sirius' distant reply. He was quite distracted and tired himself, though all of his focus was on making sure Remus was okay.
"How are you feeling?" James asked. "Are you nervous?"
"Of course I am," Sirius answered honestly. "I mean, I'd be nervous to meet my boyfriend's parents no matter what the circumstances, I suppose. But I've never cared enough about anyone in my family to understand what he must be going through… that's what really scares me. What if I can't help him?"
One of Remus' hands, which had been holding onto Sirius' for nearly the entire ride, squeezed gently.
"You are helping him, Pads," Peter said.
None of them spoke for a while. James and Peter were being as quiet as possible, Peter teaching James some muggle card game while Sirius just sat, watching Remus' brow furrow in his sleep and wishing there was more he could do to ease his boyfriend's nerves.
There was, Remus had told them, a chance that she could beat whatever this muggle illness was that would otherwise slowly and painfully kill her. Sirius was trying to keep him optimistic, but Remus didn't seem too convinced.
"I can't help but feel like it's my fault…"
At first, Sirius thought he had imagined the sleepy mumble from his lap, but he looked down to see Remus' eyes open and glassy.
"Your fault?" Peter asked with a frown as he took one of James' playing cards and added it to his own pile. "Moony, how could you possibly-?"
Curling into a slightly tighter ball, Remus sighed. "I spent years telling people that I left every month to visit my sick mum when she was completely healthy." He liked his lips and squeezed his eyes shut. "It's like some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy or something. A jinx."
"Come on, Remus." James forced a smile that he meant to be reassuring. "You know all that 'prophecy' stuff is bull. You hate divination. It's a load of dung."
Remus sat up with a soft uncomfortable groan as his joints cracked from the awkward position he was in. "I dunno." He ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes, resting his face in his hands. "I'm starting to think maybe it's not as much rubbish as I thought. I mean look at the way my life has been. My parents literally named me 'wolf wolf' and look what happened. Everything is just one ironic coincidence after another, isn't it?"
"Remus," Sirius warned sharply, his eyes fixed on the werewolf sternly. Remus continued to stare down at his lap until Sirius took his chin between two fingers and forced him to look at him instead. "This is not your fault. You know it's not. You can't keep taking responsibility for every bad thing that happens in life. It will destroy you." He smiled a little and stroked his thumb over a scar on the boy's cheek. "And I can't have you destroyed, Rem."
"None of us can," James added. "And neither can your mum. She needs you to be strong, Moony. You are strong."
"You're a Gryffindor for a reason, mate," Peter said. "And you've got to be brave. We've got your back when you need it."
Remus took a deep, shuddering breath and Sirius slid his arm around him, pulling him closer so that Remus' head dropped heavily onto his shoulder. Sirius kissed the top of his head. "You'll be alright, Moons. You be strong for your mum. We'll be strong for you."
They all ignored the soft sniffling sound coming from somewhere buried in Sirius' shoulder. Peter took a chocolate frog from his pocket, unwrapped it, and held it out. After a moment Remus turned his head, his nose slightly red and eyes puffy and he smiled gratefully, accepting the candy.
"Thanks, Worm." He sat up a little, but remained firmly attached to Sirius' side as he bit the head off the chocolate frog. "Thank you," He said again, looking around at all of his friends. "All of you. I…I really couldn't have lucked out more than to have friends like you. Everything you've done for me over the years…"
Sirius laughed and shook his head. "Now Remus, don't get cocky. We all take care of each other. So do you, every day."
After that, Remus seemed to make an attempt at cheering up. He asked Peter to deal him and Sirius both into the card game, much to Sirius' dismay as he couldn't seem to grasp the concept of the game.
"But I don't understand, where are the fish? These are just cards!"
When the train began to pull into Kings Cross, Sirius felt Remus' body tense beside him and he gently squeezed his hand. They all stood and collected their things as other students rushed past their compartment and out onto the platform to greet their families.
The four of them stepped off the train, both James and Sirius had an arm around one of Remus' shoulders and Peter stood in front of the three of them, looking out for their families.
They found Effie first and they were all greeted with hugs and kisses on each of their cheeks. Sirius received an extra tight squeeze.
"You behave yourself, now," Euphemia warned with a smile. "And I'll see you back home in a week."
"Yes, mum," Sirius muttered as his face turned red and the others snickered at him.
Euphemia reached into her bag and pulled out a box full of baked goods. "Remus dear, these are for your mum. Wish her well for me, alright love?"
Remus nodded as he too was pulled into an extra hug. "Yes, thank you, Mrs. Potter."
Peter hugged both Remus and Sirius next. "My mum's waiting. Don't forget to write, yeah?"
Sirius nodded, patting the shorter boy on the back. "Yeah, mate. Have a good summer."
"Take care of him, Pads."
"I will."
With one last wave, Peter ran off into the crowd to find his mother.
James stuck with them until they finally spotted Lyall Lupin standing close to the barrier. Neither Remus nor Sirius moved, both seeming to be frozen on the spot.
James gave them both a small shove.
"You've got this," he whispered. "Gryffindor courage, lads. Fearless Marauders."
Sirius' hand found Remus' and squeezed. "Ready?"
Remus took a deep breath, nodded, and squeezed back. "Yeah."
They said goodbye to James and walked together across the platform.
—-
Sirius, of course, had met Remus' father a handful of times. A quick hello at the platform before hurrying to get to their compartment before someone else tried to sit there or when he would drop Remus off at the Potters' for a few weeks over the summer holidays when they were younger, but he had never really met him. As they approached, Remus gave Sirius' hand one last squeeze before letting go and for a split second, Sirius forgot how to breathe. He wondered if Remus felt the same way. He tried to look out of the corner of his eye for his boyfriend's equally anxious expression, but then Remus' posture straightened up and his pace quickened as he moved to greet his father.
In almost a flash, Remus was hugging the man, who patted him fondly on the back before pulling away, but not yet letting go, to look at his son, saying something that Sirius couldn't pick up over the buzz and chatter of the other families around them.
"It's good to see you too, Dad." He heard Remus respond and could picture the forced smile on the werewolf's face. Remus looked over his shoulder at Sirius and jerked his head slightly to call him over. With a deep breath, Sirius threw his shoulders back and stepped forward.
"Dad," Remus said. "You remember Sirius, right?"
There was a flicker of something in Lyall Lupin's eyes that Sirius was very familiar with and he held his breath. "Black, right?"
Without skipping a beat, and trying to ignore the obvious wariness that Lyall had for his surname, Sirius put on his most charming smile and extended a hand, giving the man a firm handshake. "Yes, sir. It's nice to see you again."
The hesitation visibly left the man as he shook Sirius' hand and he smiled. "Very nice to see you as well, Sirius. Remus speaks very highly of you. I'm glad to have you with us."
Sirius' face felt warm and he could see Remus ducking his head to hide his own flush beside him. "Thanks for having me."
"Right, well, we'd better get going. I wasn't sure if both of you were comfortable enough with your aparating just yet so I secured us a portkey. There's a time limit of course." Mr. Lupin led them through the barrier and past the crowds of muggles that were hurrying through Kings Cross Station.
Remus and his father made small talk about grades and classes and plans for the following year and occasionally Remus would look up and meet Sirius' eye, offering a small, slightly uneasy smile. Sirius didn't say anything, he just watched the two men in front of him. Remus looked a great deal like his father. They had the same dusty auburn curls and tall, lanky build, though Lyall seemed more filled out and sturdy whereas Remus often looked underfed and sickly no matter how much food Sirius had witnessed the boy scarf down. Curse werewolf metabolism…They had the same strong jawline and their eyes were the same shape. However, Lyall's were a deep, warm, chocolate brown. Remus', of course, were like glowing embers, a bright amber color that one typically did not see on a human face.
The portkey was hidden behind a large parking garage. An old tire rim that Lyall had picked up and the boys took hold of as well.
Sirius always hated portkey travel. He had only used it maybe four or five times as a child when the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black was expected to show up for the gathering of the Sacred 28 families, almost always held in France where most of the families had their roots. Portkeys were the easiest way to travel long distances with moderately sized groups in a fast manner, but it always left him feeling a little whiplashed and dizzy. He remembered getting sick once from the trip when they had arrived at the home of his ancestors in some wealthy Parisian suburb, where he was immediately screamed at in both English and French by his mother and his Great Great Aunt.
He shook the memory from his head and screwed his eyes shut as the familiar whirling sensation took over him. Almost before he could register what was happening, he felt his feet heavily hit the soft, springy grass and he tried to focus all of his energy on remaining standing and not making a fool of himself by stumbling over. He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and slowly released the breath he had been holding.
"You alright, babe?" Remus mumbled close to his ear and he nodded quickly.
"Yes," Sirius choked out. "Fine, Moons. Just… never liked portkeys much." He smiled weakly and slowly opened his eyes.
They were standing on the freshly mowed front lawn of a small cottage. It was the sort of place that Sirius would have imagined being from a child's storybook. A little white fence lined the perimeter of the property as well as a very well-kept garden of flowers. Though the cottage was rather small itself, the property was large, with woods behind it and a decent distance from any neighboring homes.
"This is where you live?" Sirius asked, eyes wide and awestruck as he stood completely still.
Remus chuckled nervously. "Er… yeah." He took a look around as if he had never put too much thought into it, always just accepting it as his home. "I mean, I know it's not some giant mansion or anything like what you and James are used to but-"
Sirius rolled his eyes and grinned, giving the werewolf a playful shove. "Come off it, Moons. It's great. It's very… you."
Remus' cheeks went pink and he rubbed his neck awkwardly. "Well… um…we should go inside then, I suppose?" His eyes flickered to meet Sirius' and he licked his lips. "Ready?" His voice cracked and Sirius could see the mix of panic and anticipation in his eyes and he wondered if Remus could sense his as well.
Sirius nodded. "Yeah. Are you?"
"No." Remus sighed, but he laughed lightly and shrugged. "But we haven't got a choice, do we?"
Sirius stole a quick look around to be sure that Remus' father was already inside the cottage and out of eyesight. When he was sure the coast was clear, he took Remus by the wrist and tugged him closer, standing just slightly on tip-toe to brush their lips together. "We can do this."
The first real smile Sirius had seen in days briefly crossed Remus' face and he nodded. Both grabbing their trunks, Remus led the way through the cottage's front door.
It was definitely much smaller than Grimmauld Place or the Potter Estate, but it was warm and bright from the large bay window in the front and it smelled like Remus all over, giving Sirius' stomach a sudden case of the butterflies.
Following the taller boy down the hall, Sirius let his eyes wander. The walls were nearly covered in framed photographs, mostly of Remus and his parents but many of just Remus at all different ages, including one that also featured James, Peter, and himself that must have been taken the previous summer at the Potters. They were all in their swimming shorts, dripping wet and climbing all over each other. Sirius remembered that day.
Then there was one of what Sirius assumed must have been Remus when he was a small child. It looked like Remus, anyway, but without the scars. The same curly hair, sweet but slightly mischievous smile… but something was different.
Oh. Sirius caught himself before he could gasp audibly.
Deep, rich, chocolate brown eyes were staring happily back at him, rather than the alarming glow of amber or yellow that Sirius often found himself lost in.
"That's from before." Remus' soft voice informed him, breaking him from his thoughts. He tore his eyes away from the photograph to look at Remus who looked a little apprehensive. "That's the last one they have of me as a… well before I was bitten."
He felt a sharp stab to his chest as he watched the emotions on his boyfriend's face as he stared at the photograph of the boy he had once been, carefree and happy. And human.
Sirius laughed. "Merlin, you're lucky. At least you look cute. You should see what The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black considers baby pictures—creepy, stoic little dolls dressed in the finest wizarding wear. Lacy and frilly and…" he shuddered. "It's barmy, mate. It's no wonder we all grow up to be completely mad, eh?"
Remus smiled and shook his head. "I think you're grown up just fine, Sirius." Their eyes lingered lovingly on each other for another moment before Remus shook himself out of it and cleared his throat awkwardly.
"Right then… we'll have plenty of time to look at embarrassing pictures later, I'm sure. Come on."
They continued down the hall when a voice that was familiar to Sirius called out.
"Remus, love? Is that you?"
Remus froze, looking at Sirius with terrified eyes and Sirius could practically hear his thoughts; I'm not ready to face her. I'm not ready to see.
Sirius nodded encouragingly, placing his hand on the small of Remus' back and applying just enough pressure to get him to take another step forward.
"Y-yeah, mum." He cleared his throat. "It's me."
"I'm in the kitchen, cariad! Come and sit. I'm sure you're hungry!"
The voice sounded just as it had the night over the summer when Remus had let Sirius speak to his mother over the muggle telephone outside the pub in London. The soft Welsh lilt is smooth and almost musical. She didn't sound weak and ill, nearly on her deathbed as Remus had worried and in turn had made the other Marauders believe. Remus seemed to be thinking the same and Sirius could see some of his fears wash away, taking an almost literal weight off the boy's shoulders as they slumped down with relief. He took a deep breath and made his way to the kitchen with Sirius following close behind.
It was a very tiny, but very clean and orderly kitchen with a large window just like the front of the house that allowed the sunlight to pour in.
Mr. Lupin was already seated at the dining table, reading the muggle paper, and he smiled at the boys as they entered. "Just leave your trunks there, lads. I'll send them up to Remus' room."
"Oh," Remus gasped as if he had only just remembered something. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wand quickly vanishing his and Sirius' trunks at which his father's smile widened proudly.
"Merlin, I nearly forgot. Seventeen and doing magic outside of school." He shook his head. "Time flies, doesn't it?"
"It certainly does," Hope said, turning away from the oven so she was now facing the boys with a big smile. Remus' smile, Sirius noticed immediately. Hope quickly crossed the room to wrap her arms around her son. All of the tension in Remus' body had been holding released almost instantly as he tightly hugged his mother, hands fisting the back of her cotton dress. A good foot taller than Hope, Remus had to bend to comfortably hug her, burying his face in her neck and Sirius got the feeling he wasn't planning to let go for a long time. He felt a little like he was intruding on a very private moment and he decided to look away.
"Oh, cariad! I can't believe you've gotten taller still!" Hope sighed, looking Remus up and down once he finally let her go. "I'd swear it must be whatever they're feeding you at that school if you weren't so thin." She tutted and shook her head disapprovingly.
"Mum…" Remus groaned, blushing and nodding towards Sirius.
Sirius had never officially met Remus' mother before. He had spoken to her that one time over the phone and he had seen the photograph Remus kept in his trunk. She was a very pretty woman, and also very small compared to her husband and son who were both like beanstalks. She had mousy brown hair with flecks of grey starting to show that she kept in a loose braid down her back and very kind hazel eyes.
"Sorry, dear." She smiled apologetically at Sirius and he let out a nervous laugh.
"That's alright, Mrs. Lupin."
Remus took a step toward Sirius, still holding his mother's arm. "M-mum… this is Sirius." Amber eyes locked on grey and Remus took a deep breath. "My boyfriend."
They both waited for the world to come crumbling down in a moment that could have been an entire lifetime. They waited for yelling, screaming, or even just words of disappointment at the very least. But it never came.
Instead, Sirius found himself in an embrace that was incredibly strong for such a tiny woman, and once the shock wore off, he managed to hug back.
"It's so nice to finally meet you, Sirius," Mrs. Lupin said. She kissed both of his cheeks before letting him go. "Now, go on and sit, both of you. You've had a long trip and dinner's nearly ready." Without another word, she was back to work at the stove and Remus and Sirius exchanged stunned, relieved looks.
"Mum, d'you want me to help you with-"
"Nonsense, Mabi Fi." Hope waved off her son's offer without looking back at him. "Sit, love."
Remus hesitated, looking at his father uncertainly. Lyall sighed and shook his head. "Sit, Remus." He insisted as he himself stood up, patting Remus' shoulder as he passed him to go help his wife.
Remus slowly sunk into the seat beside Sirius at the table, too many emotions all mixed together giving him a completely unreadable expression Bravely, Sirius took his hand under the table.
"Hey," he whispered, his thumb stroking over a scar that ran across Remus' knuckles. He got no reaction so he tried again. "Moony."
This time Remus looked up and Sirius grinned at him. "You never told me your mum spoke Welsh, you prat."
Remus' eyes softened and he laughed quietly, nodding. "Yeah, well… she's Welsh, so I figured that would be obvious."
"It's cute," Sirius said slyly, quirking an eyebrow at the other boy. "D'you speak it?"
Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "No." He looked back down at his lap, fidgeting with the tablecloth. Sirius bit his lip.
"Hey," he hissed again. He had to keep Remus out of whatever dark place in his mind he kept drifting off to. Remus looked up again. Sirius glanced back at where Mr. and Mrs. Lupin were standing with their backs to them. "She seems like she's doing okay… maybe it's not as bad as you think, yeah?"
Remus worried his bottom lip between his teeth. "She's lost a lot of weight… she looks…" he sighed. "It's hard to explain."
Sirius would have pressed on but Remus' parents were setting food on the table and Mrs. Lupin gave them a knowing look.
"What's with all the whispering?"
Sirius was sure that both of their faces would be permanently tinged red by the end of the night, let alone a whole week. Remus looked at Sirius, then from one parent to the other.
"This." He lifted his and Sirius' joined hands. "It… it doesn't bother you at all? That I'm… that Sirius is-?"
Both of his parents laughed, taking Remus and Sirius by surprise.
"Remus, we've known for quite some time that Sirius wasn't just your school friend," Lyall said, thoroughly amused at his son's shocked and embarrassed look. "You talked enough about him over the last six years."
"Dad!" Remus whined, mortified. He turned to Sirius. "I didn't talk about you that much. Don't let it go to your head or anything."
Sirius chuckled. "Oh no, of course not."
"Remus," Hope interjected in a softer, more serious tone. "You have been through so much, dear. All we want is for you to be happy. If you've found someone who loves you for who you are, the way your father and I do, that's all either of us could ever ask for." She smiled warmly at Sirius. "Thank you, Sirius. From what I have been made to understand by the things Remus has told me over the years, you seem to care a great deal for him. I can't tell you what that means to me. To both of us." She glanced at her husband who nodded in agreement.
It took a few seconds for Sirius to be able to form the exact words he wanted to say. Even living with the Potters for the last few years, he still wasn't used to seeing a family that cared so deeply for each other and it was a little overwhelming on top of the sensory overload his feelings for Remus typically gave him regularly.
"You… you don't have to thank me at all, Mrs. Lupin." His voice was much thicker than he thought it would be. He could feel Remus' eyes gazing at him and he knew his boyfriend wasn't breathing, waiting for what he was going to say. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you how easy it is to love Remus. He's… he's the best person I know. He makes me want to be a better person for him… he actually has made me a better person." He swallowed past the lump in his throat. "I do care a great deal for him, and I'm the one who should be thankful that he feels that way about me as well."
He felt a little silly, having said all of that and he hoped Remus didn't sucker punch him later for being an embarrassingly ridiculous corny prat. He was glad James wasn't around to hear it, but it was the truth.
"Oh, for goodness sake, cariad," Hope said, reaching across the table to swat at her son's shoulder. "Kiss the boy!
And Remus did.
Hey guyssss... Hope you love Hope :D
You can find me on the interwebs at Via889 pretty much everywhere. You can also find my podcast The Marauders (Olivias' Version) on Spotify and on Instagram at themaraudersoliviasversion.
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