Content Warning: Implied sexual content towards the end of this chapter

"Voldemort's numbers are increasing at an alarming rate, Albus," Growled Moody, both his good eye and his magical one fixed on the older wizard across the desk. "He's recruiting wherever and whatever he can. Our latest information tells us he's started to rally nonhumans as well. Giants, Goblins, Werewolves; promising them welfare and immunity against the discrimination that Wizardkind has set against them."

Albus sighed, his expression remaining calm, if not contemplative. "Do we have proof of his alliances? Or just word of mouth?"

"We've got absolute certainty of at least one," Mood grunted, shoving a stack of parchment across the lacquered mahogany. "Fenrir Greyback." His bright blue magical eye swiveled in its socket to land on Minerva as she gasped sharply. "Reckon you remember his name from a few years back, eh?" He chuckled darkly. "All those missing little ones he infected back in the 60s? They're not so little anymore. He's got himself a proper pack now, and Voldemort's offering them all sorts of fresh meat if they stick with him."

Albus' eyes scanned over the paperwork in front of him. Detailed notes of the latest Death Eater attacks, the casualties of both wizards and muggles alike, and predictions of where they might strike next. Alastor was right; they were starting to become detrimentally outnumbered.

"What do you suggest, Alastor?" Albys asked, not taking his eyes off the parchment.

"I suggest we recruit more people, same as what he's doing left and right!"

Albus shook his head, doubtful. "We've tried, Alastor. You know we've tried. People are scared to defy him and rightfully so. We've exhausted our options for allies and there's only so much we can offer that Voldemort hasn't offered tenfold."

"Have we though?" Moody asked gruffly. "You've got a school full of young talent here, Albus. Train them up, ready them to fight-"

At that moment, Minerva stood abruptly. "Are you suggesting, Alastor, that we send students!?"

"I'm suggesting, Minerva," Moody retaliated sharply, staring her down. "That we do what a school is supposed to do and ready them for what's waiting out there beyond these walls!"

"They are children, Moody! Not soldiers!" Minerva snapped, standing tall and defiant at Dumbledore's right shoulder. "We will not resort to involving innocent children."

"We have reason to believe that Voldemort has already begun to enlist children, Minerva," Moody informed roughly, his gravelly voice low and threateningly serious. "Some of whom may be in this school as we speak."

Minerva made a distressed sound in the back of her throat and sat heavily in her seat, her hand covering her mouth and eyes wide behind her glasses. She looked from Moody to Dumbledore and back again.

"Albus-"

"I will not put my students at risk, Alaster," Dumbledore said firmly. "However," He sighed, sliding the stack of parchment back to the Auror. "We will modify Defense classes to teach them more advanced spell work as well as give them more hands-on training for dueling. You are correct. They do need to be prepared for what's out there. Also," he added and Moody opened his mouth to argue. "Graduating seventh years will be monitored for the remainder of the year. I will select the ones who show the more promise and skill and extend the invitation to join the Order once they have finished their schooling."

There was a long pause, the two wizards holding each other's stubborn gaze, waiting to see who would back down. Eventually, Moody conceded.

"Alright, Albus," He grunted. "Fair enough."

"I trust you can see your way out, Alastor," Dumbledore said with no room for the other man to argue further.,

"Right," Moody grumbled, clearly displeased at being dismissed. He nodded to both Albus and Minerva, collected his things, and left.

Both professors were silent for a while, letting all that had just been revealed and all that must now be done, settle in their minds.

"They're just children, Albus," Minerva repeated quietly, her voice full of emotion as images of her seventh year students flashed through her mind. She knew there would be a time that they would be asked to fight, but she had hoped it wouldn't be so soon.

Albus sighed, not meeting her eyes. "Once they are out of this school, we can no longer protect them. Once they are out of this school, it's their war too."

—-

Remus stared down at the letter in his hands, reading it over and over as if by some sort of Christmas miracle, the words would change and this horrible knot that had formed in his stomach when he first read them at breakfast would go away. They didn't change though. His father's neat cursive told him apologetically, but inarguable, that he could not come home for the holidays.

With the unfortunate timing of the lunar cycle and your mother's current state of health, I'm afraid I must insist that you remain at Hogwarts for Christmas.

He wasn't going home for Christmas. He felt his chest tighten painfully as his head swam, trying to make sense of it all. His mother's health was declining and he was being robbed of spending Christmas with her.

Please understand that this was not an easy decision to make, Remus, and it hurts me as much as it hurts you. I simply cannot devote the attention you deserve after your transformation while your mother is at this stage in her treatments, and I fear that the stress of it all could be detrimental to her.

He felt tears sting his eyes, but he fought against them. His condition would put too much stress on his mother, maybe even kill her, just from having him around.

He crumpled up the letter, anger, and grief running so hot through him that the paper turned to ash in his fist. He hated himself for what he was and for the pain he caused the people he loved. He couldn't even have a proper Christmas!

And what if…

Remus shuddered to himself, not wanting to acknowledge the fear that had been haunting him for quite some time. What if his mother didn't have another Christmas after this? His father had only said that the current state of her health – due to what Remus could only assume was Chemotherapy – couldn't tolerate the extra stress of having her werewolf son transforming in the basement, but he didn't say how bad her health had actually become.

Drawing his knees to his chest, Remus let his head fall back against the headboard behind the closed curtains of his bed and let out a shaky breath. He couldn't help but laugh bitterly to himself, it was just so typically cliche for his miserable existence.

He closed his eyes tightly, wondering for a blissfully naive moment if he could get away with not having his friends find out that he would be stuck here to suffer the full moon and Christmas all alone.

Who was he kidding? There was no way around them finding out, and once they did they would all feel obligated, noble as the prats were, to feel sorry for him. They would either insist on staying with him, forgoing their own Christmas plans, or they would apologize a million times over until they left, giving him looks of pity every time they laid eyes on him from now until Easter. Either way, it seemed like his lycanthropy was officially ruining Christmas for everyone he cared about.

Bah bloody humbug.

The door to the dormitory crashed open, interrupting Remus' silent fortress of self-loathing as three pairs of feet stomped their way across the floor.

The other boys were laughing and, by the sound of it, roughhousing playfully with each other, probably already beginning to feel the high of the break from classes.

"Merlin, Padfoot! Get your bloody freezing hands off me!" James half laughed, half demanded, followed by a loud thud that Remus assumed must have been him throwing Sirius off onto the floor.

"You deserve it, you wanker! After you dumped all that snow down the back of my shirt!" Sirius argued. "It'll be entirely your fault if I catch some crazy illness right before Christmas, and you know what I'll do? I'll rub all of my germy, sick snot on your pillow so you're Christmas will be ruined too!"

"You're so dramatic, Padfoot," Peter laughed. "You're only sore because I beat you in that snowball fight."

"Which you wouldn't have done if I hadn't been distracted by the bloody avalanche Prongs shoved down my poor, sensitive flesh! Do you know how inbred my family is?! Weakens your immune system, I could catch anything!"

James snorted. "Oh you poor, frail thing."

"Christmas shall be ruined, Jamie! I'm telling mum it's all your fault."

Remus couldn't take it anymore. He felt something unfamiliar rising from deep inside him. His usual desire to conceal his feelings behind a mental wall was overtaken by the urge to just scream it out. His wall was crumbling. Before he could stop himself he yanked back the curtain of his bed, causing his friends to stop what they were doing and stare. His voice escaped him without consulting first with his brain as he shouted, "YES! ALRIGHT?! CHRISTMAS IS BLOODY RUINED! AND IT'S MY FAULT! I'M STAYING HERE FOR CHRISTMAS BECAUSE I'M NOT ALLOWED HOME BECAUSE OF THE STUPID MOON! AND I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL OBLIGATED TO STAY HERE WITH ME. I JUST WANT-"

"Of course, we're going to stay here with you," Peter said as if any other plan would have been completely mad.

"Merlin, Remus. Why didn't you just say so?" James asked, frowning with concern as he and Sirius approached Remus' bed.

Remus blinked owlishly, still in shock from having exploded like that. He shook his head. "N-no." He insisted. "I don't want you lot to feel like you need to stay here. You should go home. It's Christmas. I don't want to ruin-"

Sirius' brow furrowed and he cocked his head to the side. "Ruin what, Moony? Remus, it's our last Christmas at school. Why shouldn't we spend it here together?"

Remus huffed. He knew they would react this way. He should be happy that he had friends who would feel this way about the situation, but he wasn't. "You should be home, enjoying your Christmas."

Sirius gave him a look of utter disbelief. "You think I'd be enjoying anything knowing you're here or even if you were home or anywhere that I couldn't be with you when you need me?" He and James took a seat on opposite sides of Remus who was still shaking his head.

"I don't want your pity," he muttered.

"Good," James shrugged. "Because you haven't got mine."

"Or mine," Sirius agreed.

"You've got a little of mine, honestly," Peter added with a smirk. "But only because you're dating Padfoot. OI! I thought we agreed no more stinging hexes, you git!"

Sirius snickered and tucked his wand back into his pocket, turning back to Remus. "Moony, this isn't about us feeling sorry for you. It's never been about that. It's the same reason we go to every full moon. We want to. We want to all be together. We're a pack. Your pack. Not being with you would be as hard for us as it would be for you." He smiled and leaned in, nuzzling his nose against Remus' cheek in a very canine form of affection until the corner of Remus' lips tugged up a bit.

"You're bloody freezing, Padfoot." Remus chuckled softly, shoving his boyfriend away.

"Yeah well, that's because James is a git." Sirius grinned. He nodded to James. "Oi, git, go write mum and tell her we aren't coming home for break."

"Already on it," James said affirmatively, hopping off Remus' bed and making his way over to his own. He pulled out some parchment and two quills, tossing one across to Peter who seemed to be having difficulty finding one of his own. The two of them set to write home and Sirius pulled the curtains around Remus' bed closed, casting a silencing charm and turning to sit cross-legged in front of his boyfriend. He waited, clearly giving Remus the chance to speak up before he asked questions. Remus said nothing, staring down at his knees and picking at a loose thread on his jeans.

"Why didn't you tell us you were staying sooner, love?" Sirius asked softly, watching him with worried eyes.

Remus sighed, still picking at the thread. "I just found out this morning." He worried his bottom lip. "Dad sent a letter. He said with Mum's health being the way it is, having me go through the moon in the basement would cause too much stress and it could be detrimental to her."

Sirius didn't respond right away, carefully choosing the right thing to say. "Moony, I'm so sorry. Is… is her health really getting that bad?"

Remus gave a half-hearted shrug and slumped back against the headboard again. "I dunno. They aren't telling me anything… just that having me around could possibly kill her." He hated himself for how thick his voice sounded. Then Sirius was crawling forward towards him.

"Hey, love, it's going to be alright…" Sirius said, sitting beside him and wrapping one arm around him to pull him closer. Remus let his head fall onto Sirius' shoulder. "Listen, fuck what your dad said, okay? You're not too much."

Remus shook his head. "Padfoot, the thing is I can't even disagree with him. I completely understand his reasons and he isn't wrong." He nuzzled into the safety of Sirius' neck and breathed in. It amazed him how instantly calming his mate's scent had become. "Sorry, I shouted at all of you before. I don't even know where that came from. I just knew you'd all find out anyway and I didn't want you all to feel obligated to-"

"That's complete bullshit, Moony," Sirius said. "Stop thinking of yourself as some sort of obligation or chore to us. That's not what you are." He kissed the top of Remus' head. "And you're father was wrong to say that you were too stressful to have around. I don't care what his reasons are. I've met your mum and she's a strong woman and she absolutely adores you. There's no way she doesn't want you home for Christmas, whether you're covered in hair or not."

"Sirius…"

Sirius shifted and placed his hand under Remus' face, tilting it up so he could look into his eyes. "I know, she's ill. I just…" He licked his lips. "I don't want you to ever feel like you're an inconvenience or that you're more trouble than you're worth. At least not to me, alright?"

It was hard to argue with Sirius when he was looking at him like that, and Remus melted slightly under his gaze. The knot in his stomach was finally beginning to loosen and disappear. He smiled softly.

"Sirius…"

"Yeah, babe?"

"You're fucking freezing."

Sirius groaned and released Remus' face from his icy hands and folded his arms with a huff. Remus laughed. "What the hell did you do out there? Take a dip in the lake?"

"I told you! Prongs is an abominable snow twat!" He pouted and shifted closed again. "Moony, warm me up!" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Remus tried to shove him away.

"No bloody way, Padfoot- AH! Bloody fuck, Sirius! Get your cold hands out of my shirt!" He shivered. "Merlin, Sirius! Go take a hot shower and thaw!" With another hard shove, he pushed Sirius right off the bed where he fell to the ground with a thud.

"Ow!" Sirius whined, getting up and rubbing his backside. "Fine, alright. I'll take a shower." He grinned seductively. 'You could come with me, you know."

Remus rolled his eyes. "You're incorrigible, Padfoot." He sat on the edge of his bed, watching as Sirius stuck his tongue out at him and turned on his heel, swaying his hips with exaggeration as he sauntered off to the bathroom.

Heat pooled in Remus' stomach and lower and he cleared his throat. Damn Sirius and his perfect body. Damn the moon for making him want that perfect body so bad. He stood, ignoring James and Peter's cat calls as he hurried to follow Sirius to the showers.

—-

Madam Pomfrey was staring him down, arms crossed and expression unmoving. Remus had really underestimated how stubborn the woman could be.

He smiled earnestly. "Really, Poppy, I'll be alright. I've been doing so well the last few years, haven't I? When's the last time you walked in on me in a puddle of my own blood?"

"Mr. Lupin!"

"Sorry, but it's true, isn't it? I won't die up in that shack if you don't come out to get me in the morning." Remus tried not to sound too desperate. He deflated slightly and tried a more logical approach. "Look, to be completely honest, I'm going to be graduating in a couple of months, Poppy. I think it might be time for me to learn to take care of myself."

Madam Pomfrey's expression remained skeptical but had softened considerably. "Alright, Remus. You do have a point…" She looked at him, suddenly full of affection. "Merlin's beard, sometimes I look at you and I still see the scared little thing you were the first time I walked you to the Shack. Now look at you," she smiled, "You've grown into quite a strong, intelligent young man."

Remus felt his cheeks go hot with embarrassment and he laughed awkwardly, averting his eyes. "Poppy, are you crying?"

The nurse sniffled softly and shook her head. "I must admit, Remus, I have grown quite fond of you." She reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "I never had the opportunity to have children of my own, dear. This school and the students that pass through are the closest I'll ever have… It's hard when you realize that your children don't need you anymore."

Remus' chest tightened. Perhaps it was everything that was happening with his own mother at home mixed with the way the moon was already starting to mess with his emotions, but he was glad that the other Marauders hadn't accompanied him to the Hospital Wing that afternoon because, at that moment, he surged forward and embraced the healer tightly. "Don't be silly," He chuckled, ignoring the burning in his eyes. "I'm sure I'll always need you for something, Poppy. I'm pants at potions, after all. I'll be in my thirties and I'll still need you to brew my pepper up."

Madam Pomfrey laughed, patting him softly on the back before letting him go. "Alright then. You're on your own, dear. But you come straight here once you wake up, do you understand?" She said sternly.

Remus grinned and nodded. "Yes, ma'am. Thank you." He turned and headed out of the infirmary.

"I mean it, young man!" Pomfrey called after him. "If you're not in this castle and on this cot by ten in the morning, I'll send a search party!"

—-

The impending painful transformation aside, Remus found that he was actually quite happy to experience Hogwarts during the Holiday break. With nearly all of the students home with their families, the castle had gone quiet and blissfully calm. They practically had the entire school to themselves, save a few Hufflepuffs, a handful of Ravenclaws, and a rumored group of Slytherins that hadn't even left the dungeons for meals since the end of term.

They spent most of the afternoons outside building snow barricades and challenging the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs to snowball fights. Sirius had built a snowman and charmed him to throw infinite amounts of snowballs at the speed of a machine gun, which had been funny until the snowman's alliance to their side of the fight suddenly turned and they became the targets.

"TRAITOR!" Sirius bellowed, shaking his fist at the snowman. "THIS IS A MUTINY! Have you no sense of loyalty, man?! I created you!" James pulled him down behind the barricade just before he could be hit with a particularly large snowball.

When it started to get late and the sun was no longer providing what little warmth it could, they went back inside and snuck down into the kitchens. The house elves provided them with hot chocolate and biscuits to bring back up to their empty common room.

"Why have we never done this before?" Peter sighed contently, lying spread out on the common room floor directly in front of the fire. "Having the place to ourselves is bloody amazing."

Remus smiled, silently agreeing as he made himself comfortable in his favorite overstuffed armchair. Sirius sat on the floor right in front of him with his head in Remus' lap as he combed his fingers through Sirius' hair.

James, who had thrown himself haphazardly across the couch, arms and legs hanging this way and that, had laughed at them. "Merlin, Sirius. Could you be any more of a dog? Look at the good boy, sitting all well-behaved at his Master's feet and getting pets."

Sirius lazily flipped his middle finger up in James' direction. "I'd hex you but I'm far too comfortable to get my wand."

Remus snickered softly to himself, shaking his head at their antics. It was true, he was enjoying the time spent alone with his friends so much that he nearly forgot the very reason they were all there if it hadn't been for the persistent pulling of the moon he felt inside that caused the wolf to stir occasionally.

As Christmas drew nearer, he began to feel more restless as he always did before the moon. Those nights they would climb onto the roof, keeping warm with a heating charm, smoking and drinking firewhiskey that James had nicked from Hogsmeade.

One night, after Peter and James had passed out, Remus was particularly on edge and unable to sit still. He had taken to pacing back and forth across the dorm until finally, Sirius stood up from where he had been watching on Remus' bed and carefully took hold of the werewolf's wrist.

"Let's go for a walk, Moony," He suggested gently, and Remus went without any argument.

With the castle being mostly empty, they didn't bother with the invisibility cloak but they took the map just to be safe. They wandered aimlessly and at a slow, leisurely pace with their fingers laced loosely together, hands swinging lightly between them as they went and not saying a word. It was almost serene; the quiet castle with only the sound of their footsteps and the snow cascading outside the large windows. Remus wished it would have the calming effect on him that it would anyone else, but the heavy clouds and fluffy snowflakes couldn't hide the nearly full moon that lay behind them any more than the walls of the castle could. Not from the wolf anyway, and so he would have to resort to something more vigorous to ease the wolf's agitated energy.

Without any warning, Remus' grip on Sirius' hand tightened and he shoved his boyfriend against the cold stone wall. The wind was knocked out of Sirius' chest as he hit the wall.

"Sorry," Remus growled softly against the warmth of Sirius' neck, which he immediately began to kiss.

Sirius only moaned in reply, tilting his head to the side to expose his throat. He gasped again as one of Remus' legs wedged between his own and the boy's thigh pressed against him.

Remus continued the assault on Sirius' neck, biting and sucking with every intention of decorating the pale flesh with marks of ownership. He slipped one hand up Sirius' shirt and up his chest in just the right place to make Sirius writhe between the wall and Remus' body.

"Moony…" Sirius struggled to choke out the words between breathy sighs as Remus placed kisses up and down his neck. "Remus," he tried again, but Remus only responded with a low warning growl. "Love, you know… I'm not trying to stop you. It's just… we're… in the middle of the corridor." Remus placed a hard kiss on Sirius' mouth. "There's a broom cupboard right there, Moon-"

Remus shook his head. "Want you here." He licked the shell of Sirius' ear. Sirius shivered, but he didn't make any further attempt to deter Remus from his current task.

They kissed deeply for several minutes, the sound of their breath seeming much louder in the echoing hall, until Remus felt the last of his control slipping gripping Sirius' hips hard enough to bruise and deepening the kiss.

In the back of his mind, Remus felt a little guilty for his lack of control. Sirius, however, gave no sign of discontentment as he braced himself with his hands around Remus' neck. Remus lowered himself to his knees.

About five minutes later, they both slid down to the floor, slumping heavily against each other. Sirius reached out to pull Remus to him when a faint but distinct "meow" broke them from their haze and they both swore under their breath, scrambling into the broom cupboard Sirius had pointed out.

Safely out of Mrs. Norris' sight, they both slid down to the floor once again, arms around each other and laughing breathlessly.

Sirius shifted so that he had Remus practically in his lap and kissed the side of his head, nuzzling his hair.

"Alright, babe?"

The thrill of avoiding being caught wore off. Resume shrugged and curled up tightened against Sirius. He glanced up at him sheepishly, the guilt of his rough display of passion fully setting in. "Sorry, I couldn't stop… I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Typical Moony. Worried about hurting me with an absolutely incredible shag – and right out in the open like that!" He whistled. "Sexy." He snickered as Remus groaned with embarrassment, then nudged Remus' cheek with his nose and asked again. "Are you alright, Moony?"

Remus sighed, tucking his face back into Sirius' neck. "I just wish I could see my mum," he whispered, and he felt Sirius' arms tighten around him.

"I know, babe. I know."

Hey guys! Yet again, I'm a day late but it is what it is... Hope you enjoyed it!