Fuse

Watching my Pokemon beat up everything in sight, a little nudge hits the back of my head.

No… Not just a little nudge, I was getting hit with the sensation of being pushed down a massive cliff.

Something massively important is about to happen, and I forgot to prepare for it because my sense of time was screwed up by jumping into different worlds.

July 4th was about to arrive.

Standing up from my little patch of grass, I mentally checked the levels of my Pokemon.

Seems as though they've all hit their early 40s, and California is… Somehow the same level.

Huh. Maybe California was slacking off while I wasn't looking?

Well, that's not important right now. What was important was that it's only a few hours until July 4th, and the first and only time my dad let me use the barbeque grill was when I was 14, and I burnt the patty because I'm a dumbass.

…Damn, I could use my dad right now.

You have gained a new fortune cookie!

Oh? I haven't seen one of those in a while. It really feels as though they were front loaded.

But either way, I do like the taste of them. It's just a bonus that they're the proud invention of Chinese-Americans.

Opening the cookie, I get my new fortune.

'TWELVE POKEMON?!'

Twelve Pokemon? Is that Lily? Me? Someone else I'll meet in the future?

…Hold on a second, if fortunes are telling me the future…

Yeah, I'm gonna make sure that whoever is shouting out twelve Pokemon in shock isn't going to be me.

I'm gonna build a team of 12 Pokemon. Just as the founding fathers intended.

Anyhow, with that thought finished, I go back to deciding what I should do this July 4th. The first since my whole departure from the United States.

I wonder, is the civil war over by now? The timeline is a bit screwed because I know I died in November, a day after election day. But it's only been like a few months and my United States is already back in July.

…Well, it did take about 3 or 4 years for the confederates to eat shit. It should roughly take the same amount of time for the Republicans…

God, I wish I could go back now. I could just tear them all apart in combat by now…

Well, that's just a daydream of mine. For now.

Until that day comes, I'll just celebrate with my current friends.

Back to the planning, I did pick up the chef profession, though to be honest I've only cooked like, 2 meals with it. Mostly because I physically don't have to eat for some reason so I've just been ignoring it to save money.

I'm unemployed, so I don't have much money in the first place.

It's really just good fortune that the Pokemart here accepts junk and gives you money, like mora being equivalent to like, a thousand Pokedollars.

Anyways, that profession should be enough to keep me from burning down the house when I try to cook. Plus, I think I have a perk that just makes all of the ingredients I use taste better. So, even if I suck, I can still be carried by the ingredients.

Also, I definitely need fireworks. I don't think it matters what kind, but I would like some stars in the mix. There's probably a seller of fireworks somewhere in Motostoke or Hammerlocke.

Fireworks were illegal in California because everything in our state catches on fire too easily. But they were still legal around July 4th because it's July 4th.

So, considering most of Sumeru, minus the desert parts, is rainforest, are fireworks illegal in Sumeru too? And I doubt that there's a festival going on at this time of year that'll convince the authorities to let me blow up the sky for an American holiday…

…Or, actually, I know the God of Sumeru.

I could just ask Nahida to let me light up some fireworks, problem solved!

So, all I have to do is get some meat and a grill, then I'll find some fireworks, and I'll just ask my friends to celebrate July 4th with me.

Hm, should I try reviving Luciel and Garbanag so I can also force them to celebrate July 4th? That might be fun…

Though, I'm not fully sure if I can take on them both at the same time. Or what they'll do after July 4th.

…Eh, it'll probably be fine. I'll just threaten them with the fact that I beat their asses the first time and could do it again if they don't behave.

And besides, if I don't revive them now, when will be a good time to revive them?

So, first of all, I need to figure out if I can even make a revival spell with, ah…

A control rank of B double minus.

Well, I'm sure it'll probably be fine.

Looking around the battlefield where my Pokemon laid waste to the local wildlife, I see that most of the wild Pokemon have fainted, but there are a few who are actually dead.

It was probably California's fault.

Walking up to a dead Zigzagoon, I try to create a revival spell.

Spell Created!

[Unrefined Revive - Revives a target with 25% of their health.]

From my priest class, then.

Light bursts out of my hands as it falls upon the Zigzagoon, healing it of its wounds and reviving it.

It took a few moments for the Zigzagoon to realize where it was, and it immediately ran away from me the moment it did realize where it was.

So, that works. But that Zigzagoon will recover its full strength later.

Is there a way to cap their health at a lower percent? So that if I do fight them later, I won't have to fight them as hard.

Walking over to a dead Corvisquire, I tried to create a spell with those parameters.

Spell Created!

[Hindered Revival - Revives a target with 25% of their health, but their health caps at 75% of their total health.]

Ah, 75%? That's a bit inconvenient.

Still, I guess I'll have to bump up my control rank if I want to get anywhere.

Either way, I can now revive the Canadian and the Brit so I can force them to take part in July 4th celebrations.

And hey, if it doesn't work out, I can just shoot them.

With that in mind, I recall all my Pokemon and figure out where I could find a decent disguise that won't get me caught on sight…


A bag full of groceries legally bought later, because I'm not a criminal who goes out stealing things for no reason, I opened a portal to go back home.

Except I'm not going home because I've just been summoned by Skryb again, and ended up at the border wall again.

I hastily walked up to where Skryb's hole was, feeling as though my time was being wasted, "Hey, Skryb, I was about to dump good news on my friends. Why are you interrupting me?"

"Don't you like powerups?" Skryb asked as though he did nothing wrong, "I have another friend for you to make."

I sighed in frustration, "If I wanted power ups, I would gamble more."

"Is this not a form of gambling?" Skryb asked, "You do not know when I will come. You do not know who I could introduce to you. You do not know what power you may obtain."

I slumped over, "Shut up, man. It's July 4th. Can't you respect our nation's independence day and just let me party?"

"...It's July 4th?" Skryb sounded genuinely confused.

I plainly answered, "It is over here, yes."

Humming, Skryb replied, "I see… Well, I wish you a good July 4th, then. But you're still getting power ups."

Skryb's presence disappeared as someone else took his place.

"HEY HEY HEY HEY!" A robotic voice that sounded as though he was hyped up on some mythical crack shouted out from the other side, "YOU'RE THE [100% Authentic American Deal] RIGHT?!"

I blinked.

"What the fuck?" I said to no one in particular.

Why does this guy sound like he's both a robot, and high?

"HAHAHA!" The other voice cracked… Something? "JAEGER! DO YOU HEAR THAT?! THIS [Scrunky little Fella] SAID THE [F-word]!"

Another voice, presumably Jaeger, sighed, "Yeah, yeah. Turn off that voice, dude. It's old."

"WHHHAAAAT?!" The other voice shouted, "BUT THEN HOW WILL THEY KNOW [It's ya Boi] [STOP CALLING ME MY NAME!]"

"Nobody knows you."

"IN MY HEART-"

I interrupt whatever squabble the two of them are going through, "Okay, who the fuck is the loud guy, and who's the sane one?"

The sane one introduced them both first, "I'm Jaeger. The other guy is Cereal."

I blinked at the odd name of the insane one, "Like the food?"

"WHY CAN'T I BE [Independent] FROM THE TYRANNY OF [FOOOOOD!]!?" Cereal cried out.

This guy unironically named himself after a food. Not just any food, but cereal. I thought I was bad for calling myself after my usual game username, but I guess I'm just fine.

Jaeger groaned, "You named yourself, idiot."

I nodded, knowing full well they couldn't see me, and decided to be rude today, "Yeah, idiot. Should've thought harder."

Cereal laughed, "[Hahahaha] I KNOW THAT YOU KEEP [Beating a DEAD HORSE!]! DO YOU WANT [100% Guaranteed Upgrade to Your Account] OR NOT?"

I asked Jaeger, completely ignoring Cereal, "Hey, Jaeger, why do you hang around this guy?"

Jaeger responded, "Ugh, I was stuck in his head for a few weeks because I trusted in Skryb a bit too much. Then the bastard just stuck around me ever since he got hired."

"STOP IGNORING [James Caleb Jackson's Strongest Warrior]!"

I thoughtfully hummed, "Right, thanks for reminding me I shouldn't trust Skryb. I would hate to be stuck inside of Cereal's head for a few weeks."

"I know, right? That guy is an asshole!" Jaeger agreed as though we were two high school gossips, "You definitely shouldn't trust anything he says."

"AGGGHHHH!" Cereal shouted out, "JAEGER I AM STANDING RIGHT [Not approved by FAMILY CENSORS] NEXT TO YOU!"

I finally decided to address Cereal, "So, are you American?"

"WE BOTH ARE!"

"Still love the country?"

"[Top 3 countries of all time]!"

"What's the top 3?"

"UNITED STATES, AMERICA, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA."

Holy fucking shit that brings a tear to my eye. How could I have ever doubted such a man?

"My man, you're a real one," I said, very happy, "So, are one of you going to give me your power? Are you trying to do both at the same time?"

Jaeger answered my questions, "Yeah, we're trying to do both at the same time to see what happens."

"Yeah, that makes sense," I said, "I like the mentality."

"[F-IT] WE BALL," Cereal chipped in as though he was part of the conversation.

I hummed, "So, any life lessons you want to impart on me before you give me your power?"

Cereal spoke first, "DON'T BET IT ALL ON [Shingeki no Kyojin]!"

Jaeger growled, "Shut up."

I tilted my head, "Oh, the anime with the controversial ending? I thought it was okay from what I heard…"

"Kill yourself," Jaeger sincerely said with his entire heart.

Well, damn. Okay.

Must be an inside joke.

"Can I still get your powers?" I asked.

Cereal answered, "OF COURSE! WE HAVE NO [Good] LIFE LESSONS TO [Give you without consent] BECAUSE [We are COOKED!]!"

"Cereal, I like you, but that voice is getting to me," I honestly told who I assumed to be the robot, "Anyways, Jaeger, anything for me?"

"Eren is a bitch."

Yeah, I don't get it.

The crack in the wall started glowing with power, and I guess that was all they wanted to tell me.

[Cereal's blessing – Isn't that the name of a food? - Gain the perk [Capitalist]. When you are buying things, you are more likely to get discounts. While you are selling things, you are more likely to gain more money than usual.]

[Jaeger's blessing – Let no one stop you. - Gain the perk [Unchained]. When active, you cannot be held down by anything.]

Oh, sweet, something actually usable.

Cereal's buff was the less useful of the two. But even so, I'm sure Dori would be super happy to get this once I figure out a way to transfer my things to her.

And Jaeger's blessing was genuinely awesome. I couldn't be trapped anymore! Though, maybe there is an asterisk next to it that I just couldn't see.

I told them what I got, and they seem pretty happy that they were useful.

"HAHA! I AM BETTER THAN THAT [CLOWN]!" Cereal shouted out in joy. Though, who is the clown he's speaking about?

Jaeger revealed the answer a moment later, "Why do you care about Doviro so much?"

Still, who is Doviro?

"STOLE MY [STYLE THEORY]!" Cereal answered without answering anything.

Well, I should get out of here before I get dragged into this conversation.

"Well, thank you for your blessings, gentlemen, and have a good July 4th," I said before leaving.

The last thing I heard from the two of them was from Cereal.

"Wait, it's July 4th?"

I'll be honest, I was really close to marching straight back there and yelling at Cereal for being able to talk normally this entire time.

However, I was able to be the bigger man and instead just pulled out Washington and shot at the hole in the vain hopes of actually hitting Cereal.

As I left the border, I was very happy to hear Cereal shouting in surprise.


Ah, how convenient, everyone in Sumeru is doing literally nothing.

Dori, Nahida, Angeles, and I guess Romeo is here too for some reason, were already gathered around all the loot we bought yesterday.

Actually, what is Romeo doing here? He's the traveling merchant from Garbanag's world, but I only mentioned him off-handedly to Dori.

Romeo noticed me and tilted his hat in greetings, "Good day, Fuse! I must say, your friend here has fine taste in furniture! She understands the holiness of currency just as well as I do!"

That was the sign to everyone else in the room to look towards me.

Dori spoke up first, "Oh? Fuse? I thought you were actually going to make some progress on your adventure?"

"Change of plans, It's almost July 4th," I announced, to everyone's understanding.

I've been hyping up July 4th a few times here and there. Everyone knew I was going to celebrate this day eventually.

Nahida understood the assignment, "Oh, I see! A holiday isn't a holiday without your friends."

I looked at Angeles, who simply nodded as though she was having a good time.

Which is all good and all, but what is Romeo doing here?

Dori seemed to catch my confusion and filled me in, "Romeo came up to me not long ago, saying he had skills that I would like to use."

Romeo nodded along, saying, "Yes. Real businessmen recognize other businessmen. Is it truly strange that we would get along?"

Okay, so they're just making money together. That's nice of them.

"Should I expect this nation to find themselves with lighter wallets, then?" I questioned.

They both nodded simultaneously, and yep, those are siblings from a different world.

Either way, I still have something to do, "Nahida? Do you know where those bodies I asked you to store are?"

Romeo, who was completely in the dark about it, confusedly asked, "What?"

Nahida ignored him as she said, "Oh! Of course! I just put them in a spare room here. Are you going to revive them now?"

I nodded, "Yep. Force them to celebrate July 4th or die again."

Nahida had a concerned expression on her face, "I hear that they were quite difficult for you to beat. Are you really sure that you can make sure they don't try anything?"

I waved her off, "They aren't even American. If this were a British or Canadian holiday, I might be a bit scared. But I physically can't lose on this day."

That's a verifiable fact. When has the United States of America ever lost on July 4th? It's just not possible to name a year.

Dori followed up with some extra fuss, "Are you really sure about that? Angeles sure did you in that one time…"

"That wasn't on July 4th," I responded, "Anyways, Nahida, can you lead me to their bodies?"

Nahida concealed her concerns and simply decided to let me do whatever I want. So, she led me to the bodies of Luciel and Garbanag.

They still looked really ugly. The gunshots I landed were still very visible on them.

Anyways, I casted Hindered Revival on the two of them.

Their bodies slowly stitched themselves as light flowed into them. They were beginning to slowly breath and open their eyes again, alive.

Garbanag was the first to respond by cursing, "What the fuck?"

Next was Luciel, who simply looked at me first and asked me, "Fuse, why?"

In response to their awakening, I pulled out Washington and Lincoln to remind them that I was the guy who beat them last time, then I explained, "Well, it's July 4th. Considering that Luciel is Canadian, and Garbanag is British, I figured you might be offended if you lived to see this day. So I revived you."

Luciel looked at Garbanag, whom she had never seen before, then she asked, "You named yourself Garbanag?"

Garbanag clicked his tongue in response, something I didn't know birds could do I guess, "It's a gamer tag. Have you never heard of one?"

Well, it looks like they're going to get along just fine.

The ice blue human and the birdman silently looked at each other, and I guess they must've made some sort of alliance or something because they turned to me.

Garbanag simply asked, "I would rather die again than celebrate the 4th of July."

Before I could respond, Luciel saved her own skin by saying, "I am not of that opinion."

Skin successfully saved, because I just shifted Lincoln from pointing at her to pointing at Garbanag, having both my guns pointed at him, "You're celebrating July 4th, buddy."

Garbanag scowled, "I'm not going to tolerate eating with you on the 4th of July-"

"Call it 4th of July again and we can see how painful I can make this next death for you," I coldly responded, tired of hearing the incorrect way to say the phrase.

Garbanag tiredly looked at me, "You do realize other Americans also use the 4th of July?"

"They're wrong. But they can use it. Not you, though."

"...Seriously?"

"Seriously."

I was raised a July 4th person, I will die a July 4th person. If another American wants to use the 4th of July, they're free to use it. I'm not going to tolerate it from a foreigner, though.

Garbanag sees the light and concedes, "Fine. I'll refuse to celebrate July 4th with you."

"You're still watching the fireworks and eating hotdogs and hamburgers with us."

"Tch. If it lets me live past today, I will accept it."

Yep, he's celebrating July 4th.

I turned to Luciel, "And you?"

Luciel deadpans, "I've always wanted to be American."

"Seriously?" I asked.

Luciel shook her head, "No. I just moved to America when I was a bit older and spent 2 years there before getting hit by a truck."

Oh…

I have just committed the worst sin imaginable. I should kill myself for this.

I accidentally thought an American was Canadian.

"My apologies," I sincerely apologized, "I didn't know you were an American-"

"I'm still Candian in my mind."

"Fuck you," I responded.

I have committed no mistake. This bitch is a demon.

"I'll still celebrate July 4th with you though," Luciel replied, starting to get up, "Now that I'm not controlled by that destiny piece, I feel at peace."

I have committed some mistakes. She is starting to become an American.

I helped Luciel up and let Garbanag get up on his own as I stated, "I made a spell that handicaps your health thing to 75%. So don't get any bright ideas about trying to fight me or my friends."

Garbanag sighed, "I wasn't planning to."

Instead of replying verbally, Luciel just left the room.

Well, it was probably fine.

"Alright, now who wants to go try and barbecue something?"


Staring at the burning grill, I turned to Luciel and Garbanag defensively, "Look, this is harder than it looks."

Luciel replied in wonder, "I didn't even know it was possible to do that."

Garbanag just chuckled, "Aren't you supposed to be the American one here?"

Looking back to the burning grill, I coped, "Well, I have a perk that supposedly makes all my ingredients delicious…"

Sure, they'll be basically burnt. But burnt patties still had some value… Right?

Observing me, Garbanag pointed out, "Wait a second… You have the chef profession and you still did this?!"

"Shut up!"


Dori, being my ride or die friend, took the first bite despite everyone else looking at the burnt patties of my burgers hesitantly.

Everyone looked at her in anticipation.

She chewed and swallowed her first bite, so I got the courage to ask, "How was it?"

Pausing for a moment to get her thoughts about it, she eventually replies, "Well, the meat is burnt. But you managed to put enough sauce on it to save it because of that one ability you have to make all the ingredients taste good. I still wouldn't trust you in the kitchen, though."

…So, that's a success?

Angeles took a bite and immediately spat it out, "Dori was being too kind."

SHE'S A ROBOT?! HOW DOES SHE EVEN TASTE IT?! WHAT THE FUCK?

Nahida curiously takes a bite and agrees… With Angeles.

"Angeles is right. Dori, you should learn that telling the truth every now and then isn't the worst thing," Nahida betrays me with her words, putting down the burger.

Dori was sitting next to Nahida, so she simply just took a bite out of Nahida's burger.

After swallowing, Dori said, "Hm. Mine was a bit more burnt. You guys should just appreciate burnt food."

This is why Dori is my best friend. My ride and die. The one who'll one day become the richest person in the multiverse. And most definitely, the woman who is my only ally at this table.

I gave Dori my appreciative thoughts, "Dori, this is why you're my favorite."

All she did in return was sigh, "Thanks, I guess? Pay me money, at least."

I handed her my wallet that I bought with all of my Pokedollars in it.


Then everyone just began to eat the burgers without the patties and they all loved it! The audacity!

Not even my Pokemon liked the leftover burnt patties, the bastards.

Before I began to set up the fireworks, I asked Dori, "By the way, do you have any big reason for liking burnt food? Or were you really just defending me?"

Dori shrugged, "Well, I was similarly talentless in making food when I was younger and I burnt a lot of it, misjudging how long I needed to cook it for. I was poor and couldn't afford to just replace what I burnt, so I ate my burnt food. I guess I just took a liking to the taste?"

That…

Is the saddest thing I'll hear today.

I saluted Dori, "Thank you for your service. And may you never go through it again."

"I pay people to cook my food now," Dori dryly replied, "Cooking isn't my thing. I just did it to save money back in the day."

Ah, that's fair.

Shrugging my shoulders, I looked over to a decent location where I could put fireworks, "Think I can light off some fireworks here?"

Dori looked at me unimpressed, "Don't burn down the rainforest, Fuse."


Setting up the fireworks, Romeo cautiously asked me, "Ah, Fuse? Are you sure you aren't going to burn the forest down?"

I glanced at the traveling merchant, "Why do you think I'm going to burn the rainforest?"

"The food."

"Fuck you."

I was going to launch the fireworks when it hit July 4th, then after making sure the rainforest wasn't burning, I was going to pull out the beer and see how drunk I could get.

Speaking of July 4th…

I planted down some flags beforehand, just to remind everyone whose birthday it is. And it seems as though some of them didn't know who that flag belonged to.

That, to be perfectly honest, is on me. There are a lot of party goers here that are only here because I took them here from Terraria, or they worked for Dori and were just here coincidentally.

So, before July 4th hit, I loudly announced to everyone, "HEY! I'm about to launch the fireworks! But before we do that, I want to remind everyone of what this party is for!"

Once everyone's eyes were on me, I continued, "This is the Independence Day celebration for the United States of America, my country! It's held every July 4th, and it's about to turn July 4th in my homeland! We celebrate this day because we're a nation of free men, and we took our freedom from the British! There's one British person here today, everyone point and laugh at the birdman over there!"

I pointed to Garbanag, who seemed to be extra annoyed tonight by the attention as everyone did as I asked and pointed and laughed at Garbanag.

I continued my speech, "I'll be honest, I don't quite remember all of the things I should be saying at a moment like this. After all, only I and another person in this audience have stepped foot in my great country. But still, I do know one thing…"

My American instincts tell me that July 4th just hit our country.

I immediately lit the fuse on the fireworks as I announced, "WE'RE GOING TO PARTY LIKE HELL!"

Everyone, even the ones who didn't know what the hell I was talking about, cheered as fireworks lit the night sky.

After looking back to make sure nothing caught on fire, I immediately made my way to where all of the beer was.

I can appreciate the store-bought fireworks while I'm drunk. My one and only experience with alcohol was when I was 16 and my dad let me have some for my birthday.

I didn't get drunk that time because he was a responsible parent who did not want me to hit my head and die while drunk, but I did discover that I was a lightweight that day and was really close to being drunk.

Anyhow, I'm going to pass out drunk! Just as a good American should!


AN:

Happy 248th birthday of the United States of America!

Is this chapter late? No it isn't. It's still July 4th, and even for the most eastern of Americans, it would still only be like 6 or 7 AM. I'm sure you're reading this either in the future or after you wake up.

I was just… Uh… Adding onto this chapter. This is a 4k chapter, after all.

Trust me.

This would've come out sooner if it wasn't for my friend Doppel who had me playing Genshin at 1 AM to help him beat up some bosses.

Anyways, have a happy July 4th! And may we celebrate this day until the universe ends!