"You're so incredible, Taka," says Uomi.
Takatoshi smiles and shakes his head as he tosses the handheld gaming device back to Kotomi. "Nah," he says. "I'm just used to catching things that fly out of Kotomi's hands."
"Catching things? As in, anything?" Uomi purrs. "Now that you mention it, a brother-sister tag-team sounds like a dream."
"More like a nightmare," I say at the same time as Takatoshi. Yay, I'm learning.
"Anyways, you really should be more careful," Uomi says to Kotomi. She's even wagging a finger for good measure.
"Sorry, Sis. I didn't mean to. It's just that it took me ages to defeat the Lizard King, and I finally did it! I know I get too excited sometimes, but I can't help it."
"I wouldn't change that part of you for the world, sweetie. Just be more mindful about it, okay? Imagine if you were to hit someone in the head. They'd be bedridden. Unable to feed or clean themselves. They'd need someone to wait on them, hand and foot, at every single hour of the —" A sudden gasp echoes into silence. "Kotomi," she then whispers. "Try to aim for your brother next time."
"How about you aim for some morals, instead?" suggests Takatoshi.
It's one of those peaceful Saturday nights. One where the homework had been light enough to do in one sitting to free up time for the rest of the weekend. The fact that there's no extracurricular obligations to fulfill makes it even better. Kotomi, Uomi, and I are loafing around in Takatoshi's room. It's what we each tend to do on our own, anyways, but sometimes we get to have the four of us together, which I'll admit feels pretty nice. Takatoshi's laptop is playing a Triple Booking concert being livestreamed, but it's mainly serving as background while we each do our own thing.
I'm playing a shooting game on my phone next to Kotomi on the bed. Takatoshi's invested in a manga at his desk, while Uomi is seated on that inflatable chair she brings with her sometimes. She's leaned back into Takatoshi's side while thumbing through some magazines. Or at least, mostly. Her attention is divided between reading her magazine, and teasing Takatoshi. It wouldn't be so bad, but Uomi's doing the thing where she glances my way on occasion just to see my reaction. I smile at her smirks, but we're both reading between the lines.
Not that I'm enraged by it, or anything. She's just triggering my competitive side. That's all. Beyond that, it's nothing out of the ordinary. Pleasant vibes all around, which is just the way I like it these days.
Takatoshi's phone chirps a couple times on his desk. As he reaches for it, Uomi manages to catch a glimpse at the screen. "Oh," she says. "Is that a text from Suzu?"
"Yes, Sis. It is."
"Is it panty pics?"
"Wha — of course not!"
"You're making it sound like it's panty pics."
"It's all in your head."
"I want to see. I hear she wears animal print."
"What? How would you know?"
"Aria told me."
I need to back up Takatoshi out of principle. "You'd trust underwear gossip from the one girl on Earth who never wears any?"
"Which is exactly why I need to verify her claim, Artoria, my dear." Oh, she's good. Didn't even skip a beat.
"There are no panty pics on my phone."
Kotomi gasps. "Fully nude selfies, then?"
"Hey," I warn. "Don't you start, too."
"But I want to see Taka's treasure!"
Uomi nods. "Seconded."
"Look," says Takatoshi, holding out his phone. The two excitedly lean in to see for themselves. Their expressions dull instantaneously.
"But it's just a text."
"I never said otherwise, Sis."
Kotomi huffs and returns to her handheld. "How anticlimactic."
"You're missing the point, Kotomi, but good word use, nonetheless." He then turns to Uomi. "Anyways, I'd never keep lewd photos of my classmates on my phone. And Hagimura would never send any."
"Well, that does makes sense," she says. "I suppose you would have a lot of explaining to do to the police, if that were the case. Oh? What's this?" Uomi leans back in to actually read the contents of the text. "My God. Did something happen to Shino and Aria?"
"No, don't worry. Hagimura just wanted to know which one currently had the Blu-rays they've been sharing. She wanted to ask Amakusa a question, but didn't want to, uh, interrupt."
"What Blu-rays?"
"Nothing, Sis. Hey, Pendragon. Hagimura said she sent you a text, too, but you didn't answer."
"What?" I minimize the game on my phone to see a suppressed notification. "Whoops. Let me say sorry to her."
Takatoshi chuckles. "By the way, do you know which one had the Blu-rays?"
I finish and send my apology text. "Um, didn't they decide to split them between the three, and then rotate?"
"Oh. That's right. So, they're all preoccupied."
Uomi suddenly, yet somehow delicately, grips Takatoshi by the shoulders and faces him towards her. "Taka."
"Uh, yes?"
"I have to know. What Blu-rays are you talking about?"
"I have no idea. I just remember they won them from some contest on the Internet."
"What's the name of the show?"
"The Internet show?"
"No, the one on the Blu-rays." Her face slowly starts getting a little too close to Takatoshi's for his comfort. Apparently, she's fully aware of this, because I'm pretty sure she's licking her teeth behind closed lips. Oh, don't you dare. As if right on cue, though, she tilts her head and luridly asks him, "Is it an HBO show, my darling Taka?"
"Marauder Maiden," I blurt out.
Uomi lets go of Takatoshi and gives me a grin. "Thank you!" she sings.
Crafty witch. I totally fell for it. She then mumbles something about 'finally finding out' or whatever. I'm not quite sure why, but I begin to raise my finger to object because I suddenly feel like a crime is about to commence. However, my full attention turns back to Takatoshi when he sighs.
"Appreciate it," he says.
"Of course. Might as well have Aria and Shino deal with Uomi, right?"
"Can't argue with that logic. In any case, I have a feeling we won't have to tell any of them off for at least a week or so."
I laugh, knowing what he's referring to. "I can't believe those two sometimes. Did you confirm if they really, actually finished everything?"
"Twice, and Hagimura ten times because she was in disbelief at the motive alone. It's official. The Prez and Shichijou completed all the student council paperwork in advance to free up as much time as possible just so they could . . ."
"Watch porn," I finish for him, and we share a laugh. "I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that they even did our paperwork for the next week. Dude, maybe we should find more R18 contests for them to win."
"Right? Then again, I don't know if my blood pressure could handle such an undertaking."
It's only now we notice that Uomi is off to the side speaking to someone on her phone quietly. "Sorry to interrupt you, my sweet, beautiful Shino," she whispers. "Yes, I can hear it in the background. That's actually why I'm calling. I heard you guys won those Marauder Maiden Blu-rays . . . oh, my! Naughty-naughty, Miss Amakusa."
"Hey, Kotomi? Pendragon? Want to play that new fighting game we got?"
"Yes," I say quickly. "Let's do it."
Kotomi simply cheers like the little ball of energy she is. She jumps off the bed and hurries downstairs. Takatoshi and I are barely past the doorway when we hear her practically crashing into the living room, much to the scolding of both Tsuda parents. Takatoshi and I take one last look back at Uomi. She's already plopped herself down on the bed, kicking her legs in the air. I can actually make out Shino's panicked voice over the speaker, which means the President is at least partially screeching at this point. This is in contrast to Uomi's unchanged demeanor. Leave it to Uomi to make an argument sound sensual and super flirty.
"She's going to be there for a bit," Takatoshi tells me. The sound of the console starting up then roars from the living room. "Come on, Pendragon. We may as well get a couple rounds in. I need to answer Hagimura's text, as well." He returns my smile before we head down.
Bless your existence, good sir. When I was drawing up a blank back there, you gave me an out and I took it.
