So, this is Homurahara Academy. It's not much, to be honest. Well, all right. I'm probably just judging a book by its cover. It also wouldn't be fair to directly compare what's essentially a public school to the great Ousai Private Academy. That being said, from what I've seen so far as we rounded the property from the street, there's very little pavement on the school grounds. Perhaps it's an aesthetic choice more than a budgetary one, considering that this school resides in the old-fashioned part of Fuyuki, but the fact that there's more dirt than grass or cement gives the place a rural vibe.

We're not even using the front gate. This looks like their sports field that we're walking along the edge of. It's mostly because this side of the street had the only spot which could accommodate the parking requirements of Aria's car, but instead of walking around to the front like we'd normally do as students of Ousai, we got assured beforehand by our Homurahara contact person that the sports field side is, quote, "The way most our students enter the school in the morning, anyways."

I don't need to use my prana to get the sense that each step we take is being tracked by the eyes of Lord knows how many kids and teachers right now. The reflection of the sun against most of the windows on most of their buildings is barring even me from seeing clearly through the glass, but it appears that our mere arrival has actually interrupted several lectures going on. Even my non-magic using compatriots can feel how much we're being watched. "These Homuraharas sure do love staring, don't they?" Suzu even mumbles.

"They're only curious, Hagimura," responds Shino just as quietly. "There's no ill intended on their faces."

"Regardless, Prez, it's like they've never seen students from another school before. I mean, how many other reasons would there be for them to keep gawking at us like this?"

Takatoshi chuckles. "To be fair, we did pull up to the school in a twenty-foot limo. And now, as per standard Ousai procedure, we're marching on up like we're in a military formation."

"True," I say. "Although, Suzu still has a point. How do they expect us to feel with a hundred eyes following our every move?"

"I've never been so wet in my entire life."

Takatoshi sighs. "Calm down, Shichijou."

"Seriously. I'm soaking through."

"Shichijou, please. Also, please let go of my arm. And get your hand out of my pocket, will you? It's going to give these Homuraharas the wrong idea."

"Sorry, Tsuda."

"Appearances, everyone," Shino orders. "Appearances, I say. We are here in unknown territory as representatives of Ousai Private Academy. We're the highest-ranking high school in the entire Fuyuki metropolitan area. Maintain equidistance. Chins up, eyes forward, and backs straight. Vibrators off, if you got 'em." Shino, no. You were doing so well. Wait. Scratch that. I forgot our company for a second. Thank you, President, for reminding Aria, probably.

It's funny to me. Our unmoving stares as we march probably look way more authoritative than is necessary. The martial rhythm in our harmonized strides must also come off as a bit excessive. To the Homuraharas, we as Ousai students probably look like a bunch of stuck-up rich kids trying way too hard to impress, and yet we're low-key indulging in the most dumbass conversations.

"It's kind of weird how fancy Homurahara's female uniforms look, but then the male ones just sort of look like a car mechanic's jumpsuit."

"Hagimura," Shino scolds lowly. "That's a bit rude."

"Do they not? The juxtaposition is real, Prez."

"All right, I can't really fault you for thinking so. The contrast in uniform style between their boys and girls is suspiciously irregular. Some might even say that the intention of the designer was lewd!"

"Do we have the right to really say anything, though?" asks Takatoshi. "Ousai uses miniskirts."

"Well, we were an all-girls school," says Aria. "Lengthening our skirts actually was considered right before the co-ed year started, but we decided against it as our contribution at remedying Japan's declining birth rate situation."

"That would just be introducing a whole other mess. Noble as the intent is, I suppose."

We're approaching the entrance of their biggest building on campus. The many students lingering all over the sports field for various reasons seem to lose interest in our presence by this point, or at least remember their manners. With them no longer staring near as much, we observe our Homurahara counterparts more freely.

"Have any of you noticed how similar Homurahara's uniforms look to ours?" I ask. "At least the girl versions."

"It's the color scheme," says Shino. "Red, white, and nude."

"Please just say beige."

"Tsuda, only boys say beige. Girls call it nude color."

"Not every person has beige-colored skin, Prez."

"No, but everybody has nude-colored skin!"

Suzu groans. "Prez, that logic is somehow both with, and without, flaw."

"Those skirts they wear are so old-fashioned," says Aria.

I take a quick glance at some distant Homuraharas, but find nothing of note to confirm that observation. "How so, Aria?"

"Well, the length goes down to their knees. Isn't that a little too much on the conservative side? I'm not fashion-shaming, but it makes me think of it as a look that only old people would wear these days."

"This is the old-fashioned part of Fuyuki, after all," says Takatoshi. "Even the houses we passed on the way over here were mostly kominka in the traditional style."

Suzu scoffs. "A lot of them looked more like akiya, if you ask me." This spreads a bit of a snicker amongst our group.

"Come on, Suzu," I say. "There's a certain charm to their aesthetic. It's a very homey look."

"You mean homely." We snicker again. Suzu's on fire today.

"Pendragon's right, though," says Shino. "Even if many of those houses are on the older side, they're historical to Japanese society. Heck, many of them have probably been around since World War One."

"Makes sense," I say. "So, traditional-style homes, traditional-style skirts."

"Wait . . . what if their skirts are actually so long because their pubes are, too?"

"Pubes are justice, Aria!" insists Shino. "There's nothing wrong with having a bit of bush. Besides, most guys are into that sort of thing. Right, Tsuda?"

"If you already know most guys are into that sort of thing, then why do you have to ask me?"

Aria hums. "If their pubes go down to their knees, Shino, then we're way past bush. At this point, we're talking about some absolute jungles down south of the equator!"

"Whoa! You think they can swing on each other's pubes like Tarzan swings on vines?" Shino then whispers the old-school Johnny Weissmuller call with a completely straight face.

"Imagine a guy going down on that! He's going to need to file his teeth into machetes just to cut through all the foliage and kiss that cooch!"

"The both of you need to kiss some super glue," says Takatoshi and Suzu.

"His teeth into machetes? That gives munching on ***** a whole new meaning! Wait, you know how jellyfish dangle their tentacles down, and then slowly reel in the prey that they catch?"

"We're not in a hentai," say Takatoshi and me.

"Sorry, guys. Shino and I are, perhaps, just a teensy bit anxious considering the unique background of this whole situation."

"We get it. We are, too, but let's try to keep it clean here, all right? This is official Ousai business, after all."

"You're totally right, Suzu. However, it's not like we're doing this out of the blue. We understand the gravity of the situation."

"There's a method to the madness," says Shino. "Aria and I are just trying to get the willies out before the meetup. This whole schtick is basically the two of us pulling the relief valve on a water tank so it doesn't explode later."

"Exactly. Best to ease the pressure now rather than when we're in the middle of talking to their student council."

Takatoshi sighs. "I'd have more confidence in your guys' justification if it weren't for the fact that the both of you have been known to go on for almost an hour unless one of us steps in."

We stop outside the entrance to their largest building. The sign above the double-doors matches the description given to us by our Homurahara contact person, this exceptionally polite kid named Ogawa, meaning that this is where he asked us to meet up with him once we arrive.

"This is the spot," says Shino.

Suzu looks around, unimpressed. "Yes, but where's our contact person?"

"It's okay, Hagimura. We'll wait."

We settle in this shaded spot, kind of torn between maintaining an intentionally intimidating professionalism due to our status as representatives of Fuyuki's number one high school, and giving into our teenaged urges to just pull out our phones and start joking around. Never mind that I'm technically almost 1,500 years old. Semantics.

"Do you guys think the intel is true?" asks Aria after a while. "Specifically, the stuff about this President Issei Ryuudou?"

Takatoshi gives a crooked nod. "It's unverifiable conjecture until we confirm it for ourselves. Preferably with our own eyes."

"But it all adds up, Tsuda. First and foremost, the temple connection. Ryuudou is not exactly a common name, after all."

"Just because he shares a last name with that Buddhist temple on Mount Enzou, and probably lives there, doesn't automatically mean he's an aspiring monk."

"Hata's reconnaissance says otherwise," says Shino. "The intel compiled on this boy points to all likelihood that he is, indeed, an aspiring monk. The same goes for his number two, Vice President Watabe, although Watabe just lives on some innocuous street. Moreover, if the miscellaneous information which Hata collected on Homurahara's hallway gossip and social media is any accurate, then both Ryuudou and Watabe also harbor a strong distrust towards women."

"This doesn't bode well for us," says Aria. "Especially considering that we've been an all-girls school up until only last year."

"While I don't necessarily disagree with the sentiment, you guys, I just feel like it's my duty to assert that we're probably just making assumptions here."

Shino nods. "I do understand, and appreciate, you continuing to play devil's advocate here, Tsuda, as considering all angles is what makes Ousai stand above the rest. However, in return, you must also try to understand this from the rest of our perspective."

"Yeah," says Suzu. "Tsuda, even I have to admit that the rumors of their suspicion towards women makes me kind of uneasy. Pendragon, your thoughts?"

"I'm feeling more-than-mild caution for my part. On the one hand? Yes, these apparent reputations shouldn't be lightly dismissed. On the other, though? These reputations, along with almost everything we currently know about Homurahara's inner workings, stems from nothing else but Ranko Hata's scouting missions and Internet lurking. How reliable is this intel, really?"

Takatoshi hums to the affirmative. Gesturing his hand to me, he says, "I have to promote that skepticism. After all, Hata isn't exactly known for the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

"I get where you're coming from," says Shino. "Although, if there's one thing all good Ousai students have in common, it's school pride. As questionable as Hata can be under everyday circumstances, she's demonstrated time and time again that she's just as loyal to Ousai as the rest of us."

"This was proven many times during our freshman year, you understand," says Aria. "Unfortunately, poor Hata hasn't really gotten the opportunity to show her school pride very much recently, but trust us. Hata always came through when we needed her back in the day."

"In fact, it's because of Hata that our relationship with Toshio High was able to be salvaged, despite the less-than-stellar introduction between our schools two years ago."

I'm genuinely interested in the explanation of Hata's supposed altruism which Shino starts to give, but my eyes catch sight of something far more pressing in the distance just beyond her face. There's a group of students having a lively conversation by the window on the top floor of that building. The tired-looking one who's commanding the most attention in the group sports a head of curly blue hair that's styled in how I've always remembered it: a fashionable kind of messiness that still reminds me of a patch of seaweed. Fitting, as the person wearing it is the type who always seems to get you tangled in a great big mess if you get too close and are not paying enough attention.

Shinji Matou. Shit. I totally forgot that he's a student at this school. That insufferably imbalanced prick has had it out for me, Lancer, and even Caster since our stay at the Clock Tower. Almost all of the Association Mages I've interacted with have shown no love for Shinji, so I'm not worried if push comes to shove. However, he's still a high-ranking enforcer in the Association. It'd be a total pain in the ass to straighten out whatever petty squabble he'd try to start with me being here.

I consider turning my back on him to make myself less recognizable in case he does look out the window at us, but decide against it as being a worthless endeavor. Pretty sure my blonde updo is unmistakable, anyway. Suddenly, one of the kids Shinji is speaking to points directly at us. Shinji's head turns. Grand. Here it comes.

Out of nowhere, I find myself staring at Takatoshi's chest. He's discreetly maneuvered his body to block me out of sight. I look up to his face to see that he understands. At that, I give him a soft, grateful smile. He simply nods back like a true bro. A few seconds pass, and I catch the sight of Shinji disappearing into a classroom, seemingly none the wiser. With a dismissive, or perhaps casual, wave goodbye to the students he was just talking to, Shinji shuts the door behind him and is gone.

I look back up at Takatoshi, waiting until he returns my gaze before nodding to him in gratitude. "I owe you one," I whisper. The playful expression that immediately grips his face makes me bite my lip hard. He's going to say it. I know he is.

"Trade me a Fuecoco." Yup. "Then we'll call it even."

I drop my shoulders in jest. "You know how long it takes to find a Ditto."

"Found mine in West Province. Besides, you already said it, so no take-backs."

"Fine."

He grins. "Happy hunting."

Our attention turns to Suzu as she grunts in annoyance. "Seriously, where on Earth is our contact person, this Ogawa? We've been standing here for quite a while, already. This is hardly professional."

"We can't fault him just because we're a few minutes early," says Takatoshi. "While it's better than being late, we still don't qualify as being punctual."

"Also, remember that Ogawa did mention something about morning club duties. He's not part of the student council, so I assume he'll need to check in with them one last time before heading over to fetch us." Shino then fidgets a little, sighing. This heat is starting to get to her. The rest of us, too.

Takatoshi tugs at his shirt collar. Exhaling, he mumbles, "Oh, man. It's getting really warm. Even in this shade."

"It is pretty hot," says Suzu. "Pendragon, why did we go with our leggings today?"

"I know, right?" I'm trying to air out my skirt as subtly as Suzu is. The Homuraharas aren't staring nearly as much as they were earlier, but we're all still trying to not make our various motions to cool ourselves down too obvious.

"Maybe we should've waited in the limo for a little longer," Shino says.

Aria sighs, wiping her brow. "The air conditioning would have been nice. The ice-cold juices from the cooler, too."

"Agreed," we all say.

"Hopefully, we don't get too sweaty before the meetup."

"Yeah," says Shino. "It'd be pretty awkward trying to explain to the Homuraharas that we're all drenched and sticky because we're wearing our blazers in this heat, and not because we just finished having an orgy in a conveniently phallic-shaped vehicle that just so happens to have tinted windows."

"They won't think that," say the Grumblers.

"The Homuraharas will assume we had an orgy no matter what, Shino."

"And how do you know that, Aria?"

"We're wearing miniskirts! It's the trademark clothing for having secret-sex the world over!"

Shino gasps in terror. "No, the miniskirts are simply a part of our uniform! Not because we're always ready to have secret-sex with Tsuda! Besides, we're still wearing our blazers. That should be enough to convince anybody that we're innocent, so end of story, Aria!"

"Are you even considering Homurahara anymore?" we demand of the Pervs.

"But the miniskirts, Shino! We don't have to take off our blazers to have secret-sex with Tsuda. We just need to lift our skirts up!"

"Aria, where's the excitement in riding Tsuda without offering him our Hershey Kiss nips to suck on while we're doing it? It'd make him nut even harder!"

We shush the Pervs, whispering, "He's coming!"

"That's what we're saying!" they cry.

"No!" we bark. "The contact person!"

They go pale. "We're getting DP'd?"

"Chill."

"Good morning, representatives of Ousai Academy. I hope you didn't wait too long?"

Shino and Aria hesitate for just a second, so Takatoshi quickly takes the lead to draw attention away from their recovering blush. Returning our contact person's cordial smile like nothing out of the ordinary, Takatoshi says with impressive calm, "Ah, Mister Ogawa. Good morning to you. We've only just arrived."

"So punctual! Your school's fine reputation precedes you, indeed. So, our student council is ready to meet with yours. Now would be a good time to use the restrooms, if any of you so require. If yes, I can direct you to our facilities beforehand."

Takatoshi gives our group a brief scan, making sure to confirm each of our responses before turning back to the contact person. "Thank you, but that won't be necessary."

"Very good, then. If you'll please follow me."

We're led up one floor and a few rooms over from the staircase. We keep quiet during the short trip with nothing to listen to but the sound of our shoes and the muffled voice of a monotone teacher giving his lesson nearby. Something that catches my attention is that there's sliding doors for every classroom instead of ones that swing open. Kind of cool in a retro way, though for all I know, this school could be a hundred years old and were simply built with those doors.

At a respectful distance, we stand by once Ogawa stops outside a room. He gives two firm knocks before sliding the door open just wide enough to poke his head in and whisper something to the occupants. After receiving a wordless response, Ogawa opens the door all the way, then gestures for us to enter with a very polite bow. Considering his unfailingly courteous demeanor throughout our entire contact with him, it seems Homurahara wanted to make a good first impression. Either that, or perhaps it's a yin-yang kind of thing; an equilibrium orchestrated by fate itself to balance out an impending unpleasantness. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it.

One by one, we enter the classroom, making sure to return Ogawa's bow as we pass him by. He softly shuts the door behind us and presumably takes his leave.

There are two sets of tables. The smaller set is likely meant for us since it's the closest to the door we entered. The other is arranged in a half-rectangle with the opening directed our way. The middle of the room is empty, as if intentionally positioned to be a no man's land or a DMZ.

In front of the half-rectangle stand our student council counterparts here at Homurahara Academy. Outnumbering our council by a whopping two-to-one, they're all in formation around a humorless-looking boy, making me presume he's the leader, this infamous President Issei Ryuudou. My first thought looking at Issei is, 'Blue hair, take warning.' This feeling stems from the fact that, during my whole life in this era so far, there's been a weird trend concerning anybody who has a shade of blue hair.

There's Shino, who's a handful in my school life. Then Uomi, who's a handful at home. Miss Dejima, whose debauchery has far surpassed even Gilgamesh in making me genuinely want to invest in a full suit of armor just to protect my bodily orifices. Caster, 'nuff said. Oh, let's also not forget about Shinji Matou. Then finally, we have — drumroll, please — Lancer, who is the bane of my existence. That is six out of, what, eight? So, yeah. Not exactly a good track record there.

We move to the front of our set of tables to meet their formation with our own. First come the bows, then we stand erect with our hands behind our backs as per Ousai procedure, waiting for the host council to begin in however way they wish.

Issei crosses his arms tightly. His expression goes dour. He's presenting an air that is anything but jovial, and he knows it. Using an almost politician-like diction, he begins with, "Introductions are in order. Issei Ryuudou. I am the duly elected student council president of Homurahara Academy."

"My name is Shino Amakusa, student council president of Ousai Private Academy."

Issei gives a nod that seems to have just a hint of sarcasm to it. "It's a pleasure, President."

"Likewise. President." Yikes. Mutual vinegar right off the bat. Also, looks like Homurahara has done some homework on us, as well, if Issei's introduction is anything to go by. Then come the introductions for the rest of us. It takes forever, because there's eleven of them, for Christ's sake. Why even? This school's so tiny.

As soon as the final name in their line is offered, Issei rounds their half-rectangle to take his seat. The other Homuraharas follow his lead. Oh, how fancy. Issei gets his own table. "Let's get right down to business, then," says Issei. "Please sit, representatives of Ousai."

Our set of two connected tables are arranged lengthwise, meaning that only four out of the five of us would be able to sit in such a way that we could remain comfortably staring forward. The last would have to sit at an edge and crank their neck to the side the whole time. Takatoshi quietly volunteers himself for this awkward position like a true gentleman, moving to stand behind the odd seat out to claim it before giving us a nod. Four grateful smiles shoot right at him, unashamedly large and genuine due to the fact that the Homuraharas can't see anything of the four of us girls but our backsides at the moment, anyway.

Shino sits at the corner closest to Takatoshi, ever maintaining her insistence in keeping him as her right-hand man. Suzu sits to the left of Shino at the latter's subtle motioning to do so, then Aria, and finally me at the other end. We collectively make the subconscious decision to keep our hands off the table.

Shino clears her throat. "Firstly, we'd like to extend our gratitude for your school's offer to host this cross-council meetup."

"We are honored to have you as our guests," says Issei. "I just wish that the first interaction between our schools could have been under better circumstances."

"Agreed, President. The issue between our schools, this dating app scandal, has proven to be an unfortunate situation for all parties involved."

"It has, President. It has. These incidents have certainly highlighted the vulnerabilities of our pupils to big-city peer pressure." What?

Shino's face is calm, but there's a hint there which shows that she caught the slight. Carefully, she then says, "President Ryuudou, it sounds as if you might be accusing Ousai of being solely responsible for this issue between our schools."

"Not solely responsible, of course. Knowingly going along with such persuasive and experienced outside influences makes Homurahara just as guilty by association." Mother****ing excuse you?

Glances are exchanged amongst our side of the room. Our expressions are innocuous as we do so, but that's only on the outside. On the inside, our fuses are getting lit. I can see it happening in the others' eyes, and can easily feel it in my own veins.

Shino offers the Homuraharas a soft smile, though my heightened hearing picks up that the gesture is mainly serving as a cover to mask the fact that she's taking a few steadying breaths to calm herself. Couldn't blame her in the least. "You seem quite confident in your interpretation of the situation, President Ryuudou. It's an interesting perspective. I'll admit."

Issei crosses his fingers upon the tabletop, leaning forward. "You must understand, President Amakusa. Several of our young men who have gotten involved in this dating scandal are not the type to surrender themselves so easily to the temptations of the fairer sex."

"How can you be so sure of this, if I may ask?"

"These young men I'm referring to have sworn themselves to a vow of celibacy. This is because they're in preliminary training as the next generation of monks at the Buddhist temple on Mount Enzou."

Quick glances exchange between my colleagues and me. Takatoshi, in particular, gives Shino and Aria a brief flash of apology for doubting them. I owe them both one, as well. "Ryuudou Temple," he then says aloud. "If you don't mind me asking, President Ryuudou, do you have a personal involvement with those grounds?"

"I do indeed, sir. My father is the high priest there, as was his father before him. My older brother and I are proud to include ourselves in this noble lineage."

"I see. I suppose this may explain your rather unique perspective on things." Oh, boy. Since I first met him, I don't think I've ever seen Takatoshi completely lose his cool. I doubt it would happen in this setting, but the mere thought of the possibility refuses to leave the back of my mind.

"If I've offended you and your school, Vice President Tsuda, just know that it was never my intent to do so. Perhaps I've just been rambling somewhat. Now then, representatives of Ousai, we don't wish to take up too much of your time. I propose that we move on to the main purpose of this cross-council meetup."

"And there it is," grumbles a Homurahara student to the left of Issei. "Just skirting the whole possible legal issue as expected." His face is turned away from us, but I can feel him rolling his eyes. Dude, what's your problem?

"Possible legal issue? Vice President Watabe, was it?" At his nod, Suzu continues with, "Is there perhaps a grander problem going on here other than what has already made it to light?"

"Oh, it all depends on your definition of the word problem, Miss Hagimura." What does that even mean?

"That's enough, Watabe," says Issei. "We've already discussed this numerous times. Drop it. That isn't the purpose of this cross-council meetup."

"And yet it was you, yourself, who proposed this hypothetical in the first place, President Ryuudou."

"That's exactly all it was, Watabe. A hypothetical, and nothing more."

"If I didn't know any better, President, I'd say that you were back-pedaling in the face of conflict."

"You are way out of line, Watabe," someone says harshly. "Watabe, it's really not the time for this," says another, more jaded. A standoff of sorts seems to have erupted between a minority led by Vice President Watabe, and the majority led by President Issei Ryuudou.

Okay, then. Either the Homurahara student council is suffering from an internal hothead infestation, or this is some kind of 'good cop, bad cop' routine. The signs indicate the former, really, from what I can see. Therefore, we as the outside party now find ourselves at a fork in the road.

The low road in this fork would be for us to simply allow this to play itself out. The result is either going to work out for us, or it would do just the opposite and rally even more of them to whatever insurrection is being spearheaded by Watabe. The odds are in our favor, however, making this the safer option. It won't win us any possible good will with the most important Homurahara representative in the room, Issei, but it also wouldn't cost us any bad will, either. Besides, should more of them rally to Watabe's opposition, then we as Ousai could use this as justification to play the victim card in the bigger picture of things. It's kind of a win-win.

The higher road in this fork has a steepness that would be very tricky to navigate and overcome, though not impossibly so. It's to invite ourselves — unwelcomed, mind you — into this veritable civil war of theirs in an attempt to stamp out all this tension from within. It has to start out a bit hostile in order to coax out all hidden grievances. After that, it gets even harder. No small amount of time and effort must be dedicated to deescalating the hostility while trying to resolve as much of said grievances as possible along the way. There are very few ways to pull this off successfully, and countless ways for it all to go horribly, horribly wrong. It's a longer play, fraught with risk, but it's the only road which could possibly lead to the best outcome: achieving a deeper and much longer-lasting accord with Homurahara. After all, the strongest friendships were rarely ever built on 100% sunshine and gravy.

Looking at my council colleagues shows a mixture of narrowed eyes and solemn expressions of observation as they each decipher the Homurahara situation before them in their own ways. They're fixated; advertising to me that a similar, if not exact, thought process is going through each one of their minds right now. Wow. I really need to give them more credit. Seems they're all much savvier than I expected kids their age to ever be. In this era, at least.

Shino is the first to raise her chin, her mouth slowly opening as her mind works quickly to find the rightly wrong words to start with. She's opting for the high road. Attagirl, Shino. Go big or go home. "I hope you don't mind?" she asks them in a deliberately overloud voice. When the arguments cease and all eyes turn to her, she continues with, "For the sake of Ousai, I'm forced to pry into your business here."

"With all due respect, President Amakusa, this disagreement between myself and Watabe is an internal affair. It doesn't concern you."

"I'm afraid that it does, President Ryuudou. It's quite clear that several members of your student council, including yourself, are harboring unvoiced concerns about Ousai Private Academy. The school we represent." All right. Veiled fighting words. Not the worst opening for this play. "In the interest of, shall we say, constructive criticism, might I press you to clarify this aforementioned hypothetical of yours?"

Issei stares at Shino for a very long time. I don't know him, so I couldn't even wager a guess at what's going through his mind right now, but if luck is on our side today, then his musings would be along the lines of playing along to help hash out the issues between our schools; the equivalent of him pulling us up as we climb the super-steep high road. Sighing, Issei begins with, "I must reiterate that anything that might be said from our side stems from a simple hypothesis. One that I take full responsibility for ingraining into the minds of Homurahara's student council in the first place."

"And what exactly is this hypothesis, President Ryuudou?"

"That Ousai is to blame for this dating app scandal between our schools."

"Well, I believe that the Homurahara standpoint on that has, thus far, already made that quite clear. Particularly as explained from Vice President Watabe over there."

"President Amakusa, have you, or any of your council members, ever taken the time to see the —" Issei cuts himself off, distress gripping his features as if suppressing a bad memory. He inhales deeply before continuing with, "The profiles of Ousai's students on this mobile dating app?"

The five of us take a few moments to exchange questioning looks. I certainly haven't, and from the subtle confusion exhibited from my friends, none of them have, either. Hell, now that I think about it, none of us even really have any sort of social media. YouTube accounts, maybe, but that's kind of it. I mean, I have a Facebook, but that was set up by the Association for us former Servants for the purpose of magic world-related announcements, and as a last-resort communication method for reregistration and stuff. I don't think I even remember my password. I just rely on the permanent login token on my cell phone to check in on the Association private feed once in a blue moon.

"I'm afraid that we can't say that we have," answers Shino.

Issei chuckles snidely. "Word to the wise? Don't. Homurahara's investigation team showed me their findings. The profile pictures that were so proudly exhibited by far too many of your students were simply outrageous. I mean, honestly. Makeup? Kissy faces? Indecent exposure of b-b-belly buttons? Good heavens!" Issei grips his temples and hunches low, his face looking like he just got news that his whole family freakin' exploded. Uh, right. Old-fashioned part of Fuyuki.

"I see." For the first time, Shino takes her hands off her lap and tents her fingers upon the table. Oh, yes. She's getting into character now. "Your investigation team's findings shouldn't be dismissed so lightly. I can respect that."

"That's very mature of you, President Amakusa. For what it's worth, I thank you for understanding, and accepting, that."

"Happy that you think so, President Ryuudou. After all, you appear to have the evidence to support your hypothesis. Rest assured, many — if not, all — of the participating Ousai students have long-since received a proper level of punishment. I trust you've experienced no intrusions from our school recently?"

"We have not. Well done."

"Thank you. Now, may I ask how many of your own students you've found out to be involved in this dating app scandal?"

Issei frowns. "Seven. There were seven of our students confirmed to be involved with this dating app scandal between our schools."

"Let me guess. They were all boys."

Issei tilts his head. "Yes."

Shino jumps up and flourishes in spectacular fashion. "Ha-ha-ha! As to be expected!" She then shoots Takatoshi an accusatory stare. What the hell? Where is she going with this?

"Come on, Prez," Takatoshi says, sighing. "Don't make it seem like I'm the ringleader in some grand conspiracy, or whatever."

Aria giggles. "Well, you are Ousai's official breeding stallion. Am I right?"

Oh, my God.

Dude.

Why. Here.

The entire Homurahara council sits shocked, and rightfully so. To no one's surprise, the illustrious Vice President Watabe shoots up and points at us intensely. "You see, President? How can we trust these harlots pouring out of Ousai?" Okay. That was uncalled for.

"Sir please," I say. "There's no need for that."

"I'm forced to concur," says Issei, glaring at Watabe until he sits back down. "Representatives of Ousai, you'll have to excuse Mister Watabe's outburst. Like myself, he has committed to the teachings of Ryuudou Temple. As such, we are rather passionate about this issue between our schools. However, out of the two of us, I appear to be the only one who can adhere to decorum." Murmurs exchange amongst the Homuraharas at this, their sidelong glances directed negatively towards a bewildered and embarrassed Watabe. He's officially been taken down a few pegs. Hopefully, with Issei's help, we can finish Watabe off before we conclude our business here.

On our side, I notice Shino, Takatoshi, and Aria trade the most discreet of nods. Oh, well played, ladies and gentlemen. A little on the extreme side, but it got results. Man, King Arthur must be getting rusty if I didn't see that coming from a mile away. Then again, I fully admit that I delegated most of that scheming crap to Merlin's counsel, though I still like to think I picked up a thing or two during my reign.

"I'd like to ask a follow-up question," says Shino after the murmuring settles down.

"By all means, President."

"How many Ousai students have you caught during the intrusions?"

Issei smiles. "Seven in total, President Amakusa. We suspect almost double that amount based on eyewitness accounts, but the confirmed number of official cautions we've been forced to hand out to your students is seven. Seven Ousai, and seven Homurahara. I dare say that this counts as a one-hundred percent success rate."

"We've caught twenty-six of your students!" cries Shino with an extravagant point of her finger.

"Twenty-six?" shouts Issei as he theatrically jumps to his feet, holding up his hands in a way that looks like he's ready to karate-chop air. Jeez, man. Is bursting at the seams with fabulous emotion one of the prerequisites for becoming a student council president?

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but that appears to be a significant proportion of your school, is it not?"

"Objection!" cries Watabe. "Leading put forth! That question imposes a limited scope of answers which would all be in your favor!"

Suzu jumps to her feet to give them all a clear view of the top of her head. "Counter-objection! Irrelevance! American legal procedure doesn't apply here!"

Issei almost tears his hair out. "Counter-counter objection!" he cries. "This is all irrelevant, is it not?" Good Lord! When did this turn into a frickin' court case? I thought we were just here to apologize for the outsiders to each other's schools! "I thought we were just here to apologize for the outsiders to each other's schools!" Oh. Heh.

"You're right, President Ryuudou," says Shino calmly. "Hagimura? That will be all. Thank you."

Suzu retakes her seat. "Of course, President."

"Watabe?" says Issei, implying for him to retake his seat, as well. He does, but with enough sass to advertise to the room that he isn't quite done yet.

"Twenty-six, my foot," grumbles Watabe. "I doubt they even have the evidence to back up that claim."

Shino goes into her crossed arms stance and slowly walks to the center of the room; right into no man's land. "Many of you must be wondering why I've brought all these numbers up. It wasn't to recast any blame, or to deflect responsibility for Ousai's actions thus far. Evidence has been collected by the Homurahara investigation team, after all. It's just that I wanted to extrapolate upon Homurahara's standpoint. From what I gather, this aforementioned 'possible legal issue' is directly related to your hypothesis, President Ryuudou. Is that correct?"

"It is."

"Might I request you, then, to stand up and clearly state what Homurahara believes this possible legal issue to be, and how it relates to your hypothesis?"

Issei rises with no hesitation, steadfast and confident in his mannerisms, though not arrogantly so. "Homurahara Academy hereby accuses Ousai Private Academy of being responsible for causing this dating app scandal between our schools. We also believe there to be a criminal element in this case which may or may not warrant prosecution by a higher court than this, as trespassing has occurred in all cases." At that, Watabe goes wild-eyed and grinning.

"If Homurahara does wish to escalate this, then we feel it proper to give you a heads-up for the ammunition that we'd be packing." Shino pulls out an envelope, walks up to Issei's desk, and hands it to him. "You can keep that for your records, if you'd like. We've got plenty of copies back in Ousai."

Issei opens the envelope swiftly after a beat of confusion. He unfolds the paper within and studies it. Not two seconds pass before his face goes slack. Chairs screech and sneakers squeak as the other Homuraharas rush to crowd closely around Issei, spurred from how unexpectedly instantaneous his reaction to the letter's contents proved to be. The Homuraharas whisper amongst themselves.

"This is bad. Isn't it?"

"Well, they definitely weren't bluffing about the number twenty-six."

"I can't believe this!"

"Isn't that the chief of the Chess Club?"

"Hey, what's on the paper? I can't see anything from here."

"It's a list. They wrote down our students' ID card information."

"Whoa! Why didn't we think of that?"

They're all shushed by a separate council member. Afterwards, they all turn their attention back to Shino when she continues.

"We've confirmed with the Fuyuki Police Department, as well as a paralegal assistant from the family of one of our students who was kind enough to donate some of his time, that these occurrences between our schools aren't legally trespassing under Fuyuki's local laws. This is because each party of students was invited by the other. Despite the fact that a criminal trespassing charge would have hurt Homurahara far more than Ousai, I'm still genuinely happy that we don't have to bring in the police for this incident."

Several hands reach out to smack Watabe upside the head. I almost feel bad for the guy. Almost. "This proves nothing!" he screeches through the jeers. "You all saw those profile pictures on the dating app! Ousai is obviously full of nothing but harlots!"

"That's enough, Watabe!" shouts Issei. The other Homuraharas join him in helping to drown out Watabe's voice through heckling en masse.

"Harlots and courtesans!"

"I said enough!"

"Whose only desires are to thoroughly corrupt the innocent hearts and minds of the most upstanding men in Homurahara Academy!"

"How dare you question our moral integrity!" Whoa. Shino was actually loud enough that the room hushed up fast. She lets it linger for dramatic effect before pointing right at Watabe, continuing with, "The young ladies of Ousai abide by a set of righteous responsibilities! It is a duty not just to ourselves, but to the world at large!"

Oh, no ****ing way. That's the Maiden's Call to Action. Is Shino really asking us to do the Ousai Academy fight song right here in the heart of Homurahara?

I trade looks with the others, and immediately, our eyes start raving with mutual mischief. Oh, it's on like Donkey Kong. We are so down to clown these fools. Takatoshi sits back with a big fat grin, preparing to roar the name of Ousai between each of our lines. Aria, Suzu, and I jump up to join Shino, ready to perform all choreography by heart. Shino starts us off, and we go down our row in order of seniority.

"Pretty and acquitted with a lovely aspiration!"

"Standing tall, and always graceful, for the sake of our foundation!"

"Blooming slowly, yet correctly, through the purest application!"

"For a maiden's secret weapons are her smile and education!"

Finally, we declare in one voice, "Earning knowledge as we blossom, then discuss what is most awesome! From the classroom to the ends of the universe!" Takatoshi cheers right on cue at our final pose, completing our wonderfully silly schoolyard tradition.

Issei and Watabe are, of course, deservedly appalled. They both run into no man's land. "This is outrageous!" roars Issei. "Immature! Childish, even! How dare you engage in such rivalrous behavior during a formal cross-council meetup! Is this really the conduct that's to be expected from what is, so-called, the highest-ranking high school in Fuyuki?" He cuts his own tirade short once he takes notice of what's happening behind him. Nearly every boy on their side is staring hypnotized.

Issei and Watabe follow the direction of the boys' combined gaze to finally acquaint themselves with what might very well be the most massive set of honkers on this campus right now. Or at least the bounciest. Definitely the bounciest. Edelfelt, be damned.

Watabe is just as blue in the face as Issei is. Probably even more so. He's staring horrified at Aria's chest. Finally, he screams, "Are you not wearing a brassiere, Madam Shichijou?"

Shino jumps in front of Aria and feigns sensationalist alarm. "Oh, my goodness!" she wails. "Surely you understand, Vice President Watabe, that your words can be misconstrued as sexual harassment!"

At that, Watabe goes dumbstruck. When the color returns to his face, he redirects his wrath at his own council, but now they're all suddenly acting accusatory instead of hypnotized.

"What? Don't give me those looks! It was you all who were ogling this lady like an unruly mob of reprobates!"

As Watabe continues screeching to little result, Issei slowly turns back to us with a twinkle in his eye. Issei says nothing, but his expression tells us all we need to know: Thanks for the assistance.

We match his twinkle with our own before looking back at Watabe, who's still arguing with the other Homuraharas. Even though he's effectively lost, he's not going down without a fight. Though, I doubt that anybody, not even Watabe, knows what he's even fighting for anymore. I've had enough of his little psycho circus. I lower my head with eyes focused squarely on Vice President Watabe alone.

"Quiet."

And then there was quiet. Five glorious seconds of it, actually. Watabe then turns to face me with an expression bereft of all his prior ego. All that's left there is pleading. Pleading? Not confusion? Interesting. Seems like this isn't his first brush with magic despite not being a magic-user from what I can tell. Nevertheless, I ignore his silent cry of mercy. Not out of sadism, but necessity. Vice President Watabe, you brought this on yourself.

"Sir? Please sit down."

Watabe goes placid. With fluid motions, he leaves no man's land to retake his seat. His posture from there is obedient, gaze lowered at the table. Hell yeah. That right there? That's called Charisma Rank B, tough guy. Eat it.

Does it taste good? No? Doesn't have to. Now clean your plate, you little piece of — Oh, slap me sideways and call me Merlin. I don't know if it's because some of my prana slipped past my sole target of Watabe, but now most of the other boys on their council are giving me some very, very spicy looks. And I don't mean the kind of spicy you get from yummy Thai food.

"I must apologize for Mister Watabe's behavior once again!" shouts Issei. Though, this is directed at his own council, and it thankfully breaks their trance.

Takatoshi rounds the table to join us in no man's land. He leans into Shino to whisper, "Hey, Prez? Maybe it's time to wrap this up."

"You're right, Tsuda. May I ask you to do the honors?"

He smiles. "I'd be happy to." The four of us step back as Takatoshi takes the floor. The only Homurahara left in no man's land is Issei. Even with the small distance between them, it's clear that Takatoshi towers over Issei. In fact, he's probably the tallest person in the room by far. Addressing Issei specifically, Takatoshi says, "I am honored to have made your acquaintance on this day, President Ryuudou. Although, I feel that we must ask your forgiveness for apparently causing you, and your council, no small amount of trouble with our presence." He bows humbly and gracefully.

Issei's face softens at the sight. Wait, is he blushing? No, couldn't be. Could it? I guess he really does only trust men. Or hell — maybe he's into dudes. Either way, it's a good thing we have Takatoshi with us. "All is forgiven, my good sir," says Issei. "I'm somewhat forced to admit that we all knew that there was never a true legal issue between our schools in the first place, nor was there any sort of genuine animosity. You must understand that our less-than-hospitable approach during this meetup was born from our loyalty to Homurahara."

"It's indeed understandable, President Ryuudou. That same devotion flows in our own veins regarding Ousai." They take a moment to trade a soft smile of understanding. "Now, then. As was agreed to during the conference between the faculties of our schools several weeks ago, there is a mutual apology in order. As a show of good faith, we would like to volunteer to offer it first. On behalf of the pupils, staff, and parents of Ousai Private Academy . . ." We join Takatoshi on either side of him, adopting the posture for readying to bow. Almost at the same time, Issei adopts the same posture, prompting the other Homuraharas to rush from their seats to join him. Even Watabe, kind of surprisingly. The five of us bow slow and low, Takatoshi continuing with a genuine, "We apologize for our students coming onto your school grounds under less-than-acceptable circumstances."

Issei leads his own council in a bow just as low as ours. "As do we," he says with a surprising amount of gentleness. "On behalf of Homurahara Academy and all of her relating parties, we, too, apologize for our students entering your campus for the same less-than-acceptable purposes."

Done-zo. Getting the feeling, though, that this isn't over yet. However, with Watabe more or less pacified, whatever loose ends are left to tie will hopefully stay positive.

"Thank you very much for hosting us, President Ryuudou," says Shino.

There's still hints of distrust on Issei's face as he looks at Shino, though it's nowhere near to the level of how he was at the beginning of the meetup. With sincerity, Issei says, "It was an honor to have you, President Amakusa. I pray to the Blessed One that all future relations between Homurahara Academy, and Ousai Private Academy, remain amiable, productive, and mutually beneficial."

"I pray and hope for that, as well, President Ryuudou. Thank you again."

Takatoshi gives a quick clap. "May this newfound accord between Homurahara and Ousai allow us to move forward together in harmony!"

Issei gasps. "Well said!" Okay, I'm like 69% more sure he's genuinely blushing now.

In a consequence that seems to further confirm that the concept of 'harem protagonist' isn't exclusive to a single school, Takatoshi's charm also earns him a longing smile from the only female member of Homurahara's student council, who had been pretty quiet since she first introduced herself earlier. "It was certainly a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Vice President Tsuda," she says bashfully. "Our cross-council meetup may have gotten off on the wrong foot, but I hope this doesn't encourage you to be a stranger around these parts."

Before Takatoshi can even answer, he's being pulled out the door by both Shino and Suzu. "Thanks again for having us!" says Shino.

"See you later!" adds Suzu.

Aria and I just stand there momentarily looking at the door. We then trade a look and laugh. However, it doesn't last long. We're interrupted by another consequence that has nothing to do with Takatoshi's harem protagonist status. "Bye, Miss Pendragon," say most of their boys in a dreamy daze. "Bye, Madam Shichijou!" The daze in that one was twice as strong. Once again, Aria and I look at each other. This time, however, it's with straight lips and eyes bulged wide. At that, we beat our retreat to join the others out in the hall.

When we fall back in formation, Shino leads us back the way we came. Down the steps and out the door. It's all in silence, of course. However, the silence gets broken about twenty steps into their now mostly empty sports field. "I can't believe you had us do the fight song, Shino," says Aria. An infectious grin spreads amongst us quickly.

We're all forced to stop, instinctively forming a protective circle. It ultimately leads to us all snickering with glee until we willingly surrender ourselves to the giddiness prominent on every face, stamping and giggling like maniacs for just a split second or two before we stop and regain our collective composure.

"That's because nobody messes with Ousai," says Shino. We give a cheer at that, though much more subdued this time. With that, we continue taking our leave of Homurahara Academy.

On our way back to the limo, I see my acquaintances from the Mages Association, Rin Tohsaka and Luvia Edelfelt, across the field some ways. Together with a host of other Homurahara girls I don't recognize, they're essentially clambering over one another to try to win the attention of a red-haired boy whom they're all crowded around. My first instinct is that this boy must be Homurahara's equivalent of Takatoshi Tsuda, in a real-life 'harem protagonist' sense, but he's super-short by comparison. Looks really familiar, though. It's the strangest thing, but I could almost swear that I've seen this redheaded boy somewhere before. And why does he remind me of Archer?

The realization comes in waves. First suspicion, then frustration. A lengthy bit of . . . food? What's that one about? Then there's terror, longing, and finally acceptance. One for what could have been, but perhaps was not meant to be? No. It's more acceptance of a love lost, yet never-ending, such as is often regaled in romances retold throughout the millennia. At some point in some other world entirely, the legendary King Arthur herself fell deeply in love with a boy very much like that redhead across the field. Shirou Emiya.

While I don't understand the full circumstances myself, I know that my spirit origin within the Throne of Heroes has enough communion with the variant of King Arthur who has retired herself to Avalon, a realm for the dead, to be able to perceive the rawest feelings for that boy despite all dimensional boundaries. Although, whatever was shared between them, this most definitely didn't happen between the he who is here, and myself in the now.

To be clear, I am who I've always been. Artoria Pendragon, the once and future King of Britain, and of the Knights of the Round Table. I am King Arthur. However, this vortex of ambiguous emotions for Shirou Emiya are, perhaps sadly, little more than someone else's nostalgia to me. Whatever was shared between Shirou Emiya, and the Living Servant of my namesake, must have been quite the fable. One for the ages, in all likelihood. I can only hope that, someday, they can both find peace in each other's embrace.

Guess I must have been staring just a little too long. That Emiya kid notices me practically gawking at him. With not a hint of recognition to be found, he just smiles and gives me a wave in a manner that seems to hint that he's somehow already used to this type of attention from strangers. This quickly throws the girls around him into a tizzy. Many of them end up giving me death glares. Somewhere amid that wall of angry estrogen, Rin and Luvia discreetly shoo me away amicably enough.

That Emiya kid's going to be just fine. Besides, I've recently come to terms with the fact that I'm already a part of another boy's harem now; at least in the role of acting as policeman over. I won't let Takatoshi down. Nor the others chasing after him, if I can help it. Finally, I take my leave with a small laugh, turning to find Shino ahead of the rest as they're all walking back towards me.

"What's up, Pendragon?" she asks. "We just noticed you fell so far behind. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry, guys. I'm good."

"You were just standing there frozen like you saw a ghost or something. Were you looking at that group of students over there? What's so special about —" She gasps at a further study of the group in question. Her eyes go wide and she freezes in place, luring the others to walk up beside her to see for themselves. A few seconds of nothing go by before, suddenly, they all begin mirroring Shino one after the other.

"No wonder Pendragon froze up," says Takatoshi, almost breathless. "She was starstruck! That boy over there? He's . . . he's Shirou Emiya!"

What.

"The archery prodigy!" cries Aria. "He's that boy who made it to the nationals last year, isn't he?"

"The very same! I totally forgot that they said he's a student from Homurahara." Shino shakes her head in disbelief. "To think, a celebrity athlete goes to a school that's right here in our very own city!"

"He was all over the news for a while," says Takatoshi. "Second place in the end, but he was the youngest competitor in the top ten, by far. Even the previous champions couldn't stop talking about him!"

Shino mimes pulling the string of a bow. "Remember when he almost did that Robin Hood shot?"

"Dude, that was beyond awesome! He almost split that arrow in half!"

"Just like a virgin in her first porno!"

Ignoring Aria's interjection, Suzu chimes in with, "It isn't possible for modern competition arrows to split each other in half due to their carbon fiber and aluminum construction, but he was still only a few centimeters off from hitting his own arrow."

"Just like two stiff ****s during double-penetration!"

Suzu grimaces. "That isn't possible either, Shichijou."

"Maybe we should ask for his autograph, or something!" Takatoshi is in such a trance, he rushes forward. Though, he doesn't get far. This is because Suzu wraps her arms around his legs to stop him. I can feel Shino's reaction to this, but she quickly calms upon seeing the determined look on Suzu's face. She's up to something. A wordless conversation then takes place between the two Takatoshi crackheads.

Suzu motions her eyes towards that crowd, though particularly at the crazy girls therein. Shino doesn't get it at first, and neither do I, but at Suzu's repeating of the gesture, Shino understands her right as I do. They look familiar. Too familiar. And you know what? I have to agree with the sentiment. Now, I don't genuinely suspect that Homurahara's sociopaths would suddenly fall head-over-heels for our guy, or vice-versa, but shit, man. Why chance it? It'd be like actively dividing by zero. Things are crazy enough as is. Truth be told, I was kind of dreading an awkward 'non-reunion' with that Emiya kid, anyway. I'll take Shino and Suzu's decision to avoid colliding harems as a lucky break. However, I wasn't expecting Aria to take the lead.

"We should go, everybody!" she says. "Dejima's been waiting for us this whole time. Let's not keep her standing by any longer, now!" Her tone is cheerful as always, but rushed as all hell.

Miss Dejima is standing on the sidewalk beside the limo. As we near it and her, I take one last look back at that Emiya kid, and his possibly magus-filled gaggle of suitresses. While the other girls are distracted, a dainty, happy student walks up in a dainty, happy way. She says something to Emiya in a dainty, happy manner, and then they both walk off together with her arm wrapped around his. Opportunist, right there. You know, I recall having seen her in the company of Rider, if I'm not mistaken.

Once at the limo, Dejima gives us a worried expression. "What's wrong, Milady? I noticed that you and your friends left out of there in such a hurry, all of a sudden."

"Oh. Nothing's wrong, Miss Dejima! Your eyes must be playing tricks on you. Come on, everybody!" Aria opens the door instead of Dejima and then waves for us to enter.

While Suzu ushers a perplexed Takatoshi inside, Dejima leans towards Shino. "Miss Amakusa," she whispers quickly. "Did this have something to do with that group of big-breasted schoolgirls in the distance?"

"S-sort of. It's hard to explain."

"They didn't threaten Milady, did they?"

"No, Miss Dejima. Nothing like that. I promise."

"Then what was the matter, Miss Amakusa? Please, I implore you! It is a maid's responsibility to ensure the safety of her master!"

Shino takes a deep breath. With a completely straight face, she answers, "We narrowly avoided a spontaneous reverse-gangbang of an intensity which would've made the ancient Greeks themselves cry out for mercy."

Dejima's eyes grow as big as saucers. "So, is it too late to change your minds?" My forehead hits the limo hard enough to make the alarm go off.


Author's Note: Credit where credit is due. My lyrics for Ousai Academy's fight song, The Maiden's Call to Action, are inspired by select lines of the opening songs of seasons 1 and 2 of the SYD anime that were translated into English by an unknown translator, or translators.

The lines, ". . . then discuss what is most awesome! From the classroom to the ends of the universe!" are, in particular, heavily borrowed from the translation I saw of the season 2 opening's first chorus, which reads, "Let's discuss what's most awesome from the classroom to the ends of the universe!"