At first light, we step out of Aria's absurdly spacious RV to re-set our camping area to get breakfast started. Surprisingly enough, the only one still in bed is Takatoshi instead of Kotomi, so we decide to leave him be for a little while longer. We collectively agree that if any of us deserves to sleep in for a bit on the Sunday before Golden Week starts, it's him.

The forested mountainside is lushly green, and, at rare points, surprisingly pastoral. The days back in the city have been getting steadily warmer, though it's nice and chilly up here in the fresh mountain air. Nature at its finest in any regard, only made better by our present company. Aside from the student council and Miss Dejima, we have both Uomi and Kotomi tagging along. Although, we're still missing a surprise guest.

By sheer coincidence, Kaede Igarashi had already been set to go on a quick camping trip with her parents on the same weekend as our own more spontaneous one. By an even sheerer coincidence, their appointed campsite is barely a mile's walk away from the one which is always reserved for the owners of this range, the Shichijous. I am thoroughly convinced by this point that fate itself is either encouraging the prospective members of Takatoshi's harem, or just ridiculing them. Can't decide which sounds more plausible.

Shino and I are asked to fetch Kaede and her parents down the trail, but I offer to go it alone under the pretense of it being more efficient for the group's preparations for this morning if Shino stays behind to assist where she can. Deep down, though, there's an ulterior motive on my part. I'm hoping that I'll get a chance to talk privately with Kaede on the way over here. Even if I have to make some excuse with her parents to do so as we walk. The others agree with my suggestion, and I'm off down the trail on my own.

The walk turns out to be more of a stroll, and pleasantly so. Even though this is meant as a starting point of a much longer and strenuous hiking trail which connects all the camps in this segment of the mountain range, it's absent of any inclines, which is probably to accommodate vehicles. Flat, kempt, and shaded enough by trees to paint a picturesque scene of light peaking through leaves thanks to a still rising sun. If I could get a chance to do so, I'd love to travel this particular part of the trail more often. It seems like it would be the perfect place to think, especially around this time of day.

Once about a mile down, I see the sign by a little T-intersection along the trail which indicates the next campsite. Just as I'm about to round the bend, I unexpectedly see Kaede emerging from it. She looks at me and smiles.

"Good morning, Pendragon."

"Good morning, Kaede. I was coming to get you."

"Appreciate that. Amakusa's text asked me to wait in my camp for you, but I decided to try to meet you halfway, if I could. I guess you beat me to it."

"I guess I did. Hope you're hungry for breakfast."

"Starving, actually! Thank you very much for inviting me."

"We're happy to have you!" I look around a bit, but notice she's alone. "Will your parents be joining us?"

"Sorry, but not this time. They do send their gratitude, though, as well as their regards. We should probably just go, by the way." Kaede gets all sheepish before she looks back towards her camp, which is out of my immediate sight due to the bend. Out of curiosity, I move up and peek past her before humming in realization.

"Oh. That SUV's a-rocking."

"So, let's not go a-knocking."

"Right." We take our leave and head up the trail side by side.

"Sorry you had to see that," she says bashfully.

"Hey, don't sweat it. Takatoshi's parents are just as, uh, enthusiastic about seizing any opportunity for some alone time. Come to think of it, I think Shino's, Aria's, and Suzu's are, too."

"From what I hear, so are Mitsuba's, Uomi's, and Hata's." She groans. "Let's not talk about this anymore, please."

I chuckle. "Okay."

"What are we having for breakfast, by the way?"

"Not sure, actually. Miss Dejima told us that it's supposed to be a surprise, but it looked like she was preparing some delicious-looking omelets with the herbs and mushrooms we collected on yesterday's hike."

"That sounds so good." She stares off into the distance like she's visualizing it. However, she suddenly flinches and asks, "Wait, who's Miss Dejima?"

"Aria's maid."

"Shichijou has a maid?"

"Oh, right! You haven't met Miss Dejima yet. But yeah, she does."

"I suppose that really shouldn't be too surprising to me. The Shichijous are among the top ten richest families in all of Asia."

"Yeah. Which is weird, because most times Aria doesn't even act like it."

"I know, right? I'm grateful for it, though. I've heard so many horror stories of the children of wealthy elites making life a living hell for teachers and other school authority figures."

"Which would include us."

"Which would include us. I don't know about you guys on the council, but the Disciplinary Committee already has our hands full with some of these freshmen who think they can get away with bending the rules."

"Oh. Is it, like, getting super bad? We can lend you guys a hand."

She shakes her head. "Sweet of you to offer, Pendragon. We're slowly but surely getting things under control. It's to be expected since it's near the beginning of the school year. The new kids are still adjusting, and it's probably only a bit tougher than it was last year due to there being more boys than before."

"Ah, I see. Just to be clear, though, we're not talking about anything violent, are we? Like, fights breaking out?"

"No-no-no. Thankfully, it's mostly just uniform violations. That goes for the new girls, too, and we have instances of girls from all grades putting on excessively distracting makeup designs. Not to mention all the, uh . . ."

"Boy-girl shenanigans?"

"Boy-girl shenanigans."

"Right. Well, don't you guys in the Disciplinary Committee hesitate for one second to call upon the student council whenever you need some backup here and there. Okay?"

"Thanks, Pendragon. I'm glad you guys always have our back. We'll always have yours, too." We continue on in a comfortable silence after that for a few moments. While the topic is still fresh, I decide to segway into the thing that I've been wanting to discuss with her.

"Speaking of boy-girl shenanigans," I say slowly, gauging her reaction. To Kaede's credit, she's trying to keep a straight face as she stares down the trail, but that blush in her cheeks is a dead giveaway, as always. Deciding to take the plunge, I continue with, "So, the big date with Takatoshi's in two days. Isn't it?"

Kaede's breath catches in her throat. "I guess it is," she whispers. She follows my lead and stops to watch me cross my arms and lean back into a tree trunk.

"I hate to do this to you, but I have to ask. What's with this whole double-date thing with Takatoshi?"

She looks away. "Are we really doing this right now?"

"He's my best friend, Kaede. My brother, for all intents and purposes. Grilling you for some information is a given."

"What gives, Pendragon? I've never seen you do this kind of stuff with, say, Uomi or Shichijou, and their intentions with Tsuda are abundantly clear. Why do I feel like I'm being singled out here?"

"The reason is simple, actually. Out of all the other girls that may be running through your mind right now, there's only one person in the entire world who is about to take Takatoshi Tsuda out on a genuine, honest-to-God date. His first date, I might add. And that person is you." This actually elicits a chuckle out of her, breaking the mutual tension. Deciding for a less serious approach, I clear my throat and continue with a playful accent. "So, Kaede Igarashi, was it? Now, what exactly are your intentions with my sweet, beloved daughter, Takatoshi?"

She gives me a sly smile. After a shrug, she says, "Well, Mister Pendragon. I assure you that my intentions with your daughter are the same as yours were with your wife. Or in your case, an extra-large pizza with everything on it."

"Whoa-ho! Straight for the jugular. You most definitely are a Grumbler. I'll give you that."

"Hey, time-out really quick. Who started the whole Perv-Grumbler-Switzerland thing? Was it really you? I heard it was you."

I laugh, shrugging. "I don't know. Maybe I mentioned a few things to some people, and it started spreading around? Whatever the reality of it is, I know I wasn't the only person who saw it all that way in the first place."

Kaede's smile grows at that. She seems to be relaxing around me, which is a good sign. "If you must know," she says. "This double-date with Tsuda is not what you might be thinking. If you'll recall, Nao Hanamaki was the one who set this up."

"Yeah, that's another thing I wanted to ask you. Why would she do that?"

"It's my fault, really. She told me she was going on a date with her boyfriend sometime during Golden Week. We kind of got into it after that."

"You guys had an argument?"

"No, it wasn't that bad. I just reminded her to keep their date clean even if it's off-campus and they're out of uniform. She, of course, assured me that she would, even though the entire school already knows that they're not exactly great at keeping their relationship a secret. I may have pushed a little too hard after that. Before I knew it, she's insisting that I tag along."

"Oh. Okay, I see. That would've just made you a third wheel, so she must have gotten the idea to turn it into a double-date."

"Precisely."

"And it, of course, had to be with the most popular boy in Ousai."

"Right again, and so much so. At this point, I am thoroughly convinced that Hanamaki did this all just to get back at me for always having to make an example out of her and her boyfriend."

"They bring that on themselves, though. They know full-well about Ousai's rules on that stuff happening on campus."

"I'm willing to bet that they do, and just don't care. Anyways, even if it was just Hanamaki messing with me, it all completely got out of hand when Tsuda said yes. I don't think Hanamaki, me, or really anybody was expecting him to agree to it."

"Hanamaki sounded so enthusiastic about it. I'm sure Takatoshi didn't want to be rude."

"Probably the one time Tsuda being a gentleman backfired. I guess it had to happen sooner or later, but why did it have to involve me?"

I pat her on the arm. "Kaede, you know you could still call it off. It's not too late, and Takatoshi wouldn't be the least bit offended. He's the one who takes your condition into consideration the most, after all." At that, Kaede hesitates. Although, there's something pretty odd about it. Almost fishy, even. "Kaede?"

She looks back down to me with unsure eyes. Carefully, she asks, "What if . . . what if I didn't want to call it off?" Holy hamstrung, hentai-hoarding honey badgers. Did I just hear that right? The urge to blurt out 'I knew it!' grows so strong that it nearly does happen, but I successfully stop myself. Kaede is a girl in a uniquely sensitive position compared to the others who are chasing after Takatoshi.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with that," I say, trying to sound encouraging.

Kaede nods and moves her mouth as if wanting to continue the subject, but the redness in her cheeks only saturates and she shuts her mouth hard. She turns away and shakes her head. "I don't know why I said that, Pendragon. Can we please just go on with the rest of our day like nothing happened?" She begins walking down the trail, but I grip her by the wrist.

"Kaede, stop."

"Pendragon, please. Just forget I said anything. Okay?"

"Wait, Kaede. Are you familiar with the Girl Talk Rule?" It's a long shot, sure, considering that this particular rule tends to near-exclusively involve women talking about men and their manly parts, but Kaede has still been amongst other girls her entire life.

She's fidgeting now, eyes meeting everything except my own. Sighing, she finally admits, "I am."

I capture her gaze and give her wrist a calming squeeze before letting her go. I lean back into my tree to give her some space, though with my hands more casually stuck into my pockets instead of my arms aggressively crossed. "Good," I say. "Let the record show that I'm declaring the Girl Talk Rule to be in full effect as of this moment. I give you my word. Now speak to me, Kaede. Please."

"All right, Pendragon. All right. What do you want to know?"

"For starters, do you . . . like him?"

She's speechless for another lengthy spell before finding the courage to take in a deep, wobbly breath. "I don't know, Pendragon."

"Dude, come on. Don't give me that."

"I'm serious! Look, I've never actually had a crush before. Okay?"

The implication doesn't hit my brain fast enough to stop my mouth from asking, "Really?"

She nods solemnly. "Really. I was always too scared of every boy in my life to have one. Believe me, or not, but if I really did have one on Tsuda, I wouldn't be able to tell if it even is one. If anything, I've just sort of been brushing off the way I react around Tsuda as . . . well, as just the same feeling I get when I freeze up around any other guy." That's a good point, actually.

"But there's something different about your usual androphobia when it concerns Takatoshi, isn't there?"

She bites her lip. "Perhaps."

"Well, that might be a start to finding out if you do."

"It's not impossible. I'll admit that much. Tsuda is, well, handsome. Very handsome. He's nice. Sometimes I think he's too nice, but there's never been a reason for me to think it's underhanded."

"Believe me, there's nothing crooked about Takatoshi Tsuda. I'm around him basically twenty-four hours a day. He's on the straight and narrow."

"Okay. You know, I admit that makes me feel better hearing that from you." She hugs herself and looks up to the sky, contemplating. "Tsuda isn't like any other guy I've ever met in my entire life, Pendragon. That's saying something for a girl in my case. I mean, I know I'm only eighteen, so that's not exactly a huge range to pull references from, but still. Androphobia kind of has a tendency to make you notice things about guys that wouldn't be caught by normal girls blinded by their hormones. Sorry, I don't know if I'm even making any sense."

"I think you're making perfect sense, Kaede. And, hey — believe me when I say that there are a surprising number of other girls in Ousai, and maybe one or two in Eiryou, who feel the same way about how unique of a guy Takatoshi is. Maybe not all of them do, but the point still stands. You're far from alone."

"Really? Who else thinks he's one-of-a-kind?"

I smile. "That's not how the Girl Talk Rule works, Kaede."

She nods, chuckling. "Sorry. I'm still kind of new at this."

"You'll get there. Anyways, how would you say Takatoshi compares to your previous experiences with guys?"

Kaede goes into a deep reflection. She's actually analyzing this. Attagirl. Once she collects her thoughts, she looks back at me and says, "Tsuda's in the ninety-ninth percentile. That's for sure."

"That includes the guys in your family?"

"Well, I mean, aside from my dad, a couple uncles, and a handful of cousins I've known since before I got diagnosed with this phobia, Tsuda's the only guy I've ever really been able to have a normal conversation with. I've also noticed that Tsuda is also the first — and so far, the only — guy I've been able to randomly bump into without absolutely losing my mind."

"Really? This includes your dad?"

"It does. Even he can give me a mini-heart attack if I walk into the kitchen and he's already in there cooking or something. It's not even his fault. A father as good as he is doesn't deserve an androphobic daughter." Her eyes lower and start welling up, but she's holding it back with an admirable grace. Now it's starting to make sense. There's more than one angle in Kaede's story.

"Hey," I say soothingly, cradling her hands into my own. Thankfully, she's not eighteen feet tall. "Now, I don't want to put ideas into your head, or anything, but it sounds to me like getting closer with Takatoshi might be incredibly beneficial for you, right? Maybe even, dare I say, healthy?"

Her eyes flicker back to meet mine. "I've kind of been looking at it like that for a while, myself. I don't know how far I'm expecting things to go with me and Tsuda, but there's really no reason for me not to get to know him more."

"I'm sure he'd love to get to know you more, too. And I think this friendly little date with Takatoshi is going to be the perfect first step towards helping to make your phobia more manageable."

For the first time since I met her, Kaede beams. It's a sight that warms my heart, and we take a bit to bask in a rare moment of wholesomeness in this crazy, perverted world. I'm grateful for getting a much better understanding of the correlation between Kaede's motivations and her background. On a more personal note, it also puts my mind at ease. She wouldn't hurt Takatoshi. Not intentionally, at least. Then something just has to spoil the moment, because of course it does.

There's suddenly a lot of loud rustling coming from the bushes. Kaede jumps back as the rustling crescendos. I feel my body act of its own accord, moving to shield her. Simultaneously, my prana begins to rise. My eyes survey the area, trying to determine the source of this disturbance.

"There's bears in these woods, right?" asks Kaede. The fear in her voice makes me even more defensive of her than before.

"I don't think that's a bear."

"But what if it is?" Her question gives me a flashback to yesterday when Suzu was wearing her little bear bell on her backpack, as well as the coincidental naming incident it caused with Takatoshi, but that's not important right now. Well, shit. Maybe it is a bear.

"No matter what happens, Kaede, just stay close to me and you'll be fine. I promise."

"Okay." She takes it to heart, latching onto me and smooshing her boobs into my left cheek. Grand.

Magic courses through me as the rustling gets closer and louder. My fists clench and my shoulders tense up. Kaede squeezes me harder, causing me to realize she's about a 32C. I think I catch sight of this thing skulking through the bushes. It finally stops about ten feet away from us. It's about to do its thing, whatever it may be.

"Good morning," comes a kindly voice. It's Dejima, springing up from the bushes to stand erect in a posture befitting that of a Shichijou family servant. My prana plummets and my shoulders go slack, only for them to tighten once more as I gently but firmly grab hold of Kaede's mouth to muffle her bloodcurdling scream.

"Relax," I tell her. "She's with us."

It takes a moment for Kaede to settle down. She's still shaking once she does, but she's steady enough to speak. "I see," she says, a mess of stuttering. "Please forgive my reaction, then. You kind of snuck up on us, after all."

"Think nothing of it, and I beg you to accept my apology in kind. Might I presume you to be Miss Igarashi, the lovely young lady with a petite, yet hourglass-like, figure who is to join us for breakfast?"

Kaede manages to nod. "That's right, I guess. Thank you for having me. Um, you must be Miss . . ."

"Dejima." She offers a perfect curtsy; back ever straight with eyes always staring downward. It's kind of weird to see her do that without her usual outfit on. Not to mention while standing thigh-deep in foliage. "I am one of the Shichijou family's maids," she continues. "More specifically, I act as the personal attendant of Milady Aria Shichijou herself. No matter the case, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Igarashi."

"The pleasure's all mine." Kaede is still shaking and on high alert, clinging onto me like a lifeline. Good instincts on this girl.

"So, since you're out here already, Miss Dejima, I take it that breakfast is ready?"

"Not quite yet, I'm afraid, Miss Pendragon. Miss Uomi offered to take over cooking my campfire frittatas for a while, and then sent me off on a break. I've decided to come and help you escort our guest."

"Whoa. Did you say campfire frittatas? Fancy!"

"It is for Milady and her friends, after all. And speaking of Milady . . ." She jumps out of the bushes and leans in close. "There are two requests of varying importance which I'd like to make, Miss Pendragon, if you should so choose to see fit to honor despite my meager standing."

I attempt a smile, internally cursing my chivalrous upbringing which compels me to indulge such a humble and politely worded appeal. "Yes, Miss Dejima?"

"I couldn't help but overhear how you seem to be recruiting Miss Igarashi here for some kind of sexual escapade. Logic would dictate that you're all planning to perform a reverse-gangbang on the young Mister Tsuda after breakfast." With a completely straight face, Dejima nudges me with her elbow. "Just tell him to be gentle when he gets to Milady, will you? Madam Shichijou may sound like she talks the talk, but so far, she's never been able to comfortably fit more than one finger in any of her lower holes. Including her *** and ***."

"Including? There's more than two lower holes?"

Dejima chuckles exactly once. "Oh, Miss Pendragon. You still have so much to learn. Anyways, as for my last, less crucial request. Once you're all taken care of, I'd appreciate it if you could ask Mister Tsuda to save some **** for me, as well. It's been a while since I've had one that big that wasn't made out of plastic and silicone. Maybe have him give me a fun little signal the next time he takes a tinkle break. If it's the same spot, just tell him to start pissing into the bushes on his right. That's where I was watching him last time."

"What — "

"After he gives me a golden shower, I'll poke my head out like a forest nymph so he can make a wish while he shoves his **** down my throat."

I don't even know what to say anymore here. Dejima is, like, Yokoshima taken up to eleven. Squared. You'd need no less than a Takatoshi-class Grumbler to counter such a threat. The only thing I can even manage to answer her with is a less-than-heroic, "Your requests have been noted, Miss Dejima."

She gives me a nod and motions to escort us back to the camp. "Do you need assistance, by the way?" She points at Kaede, who had fainted at some point between the first and second references to Takatoshi's wiener. Dejima moves in to help me with Kaede, but I shoot her with a hands-off vibe as respectfully as I can.

"I got her! Don't you worry." I throw Kaede over my shoulder and follow Dejima. Just as our camp comes into view around the bend, I make a mental note to remind Takatoshi to just hold it in for a while longer if he has to pee again while the bathroom's already occupied.

"Igarashi!" cries Suzu. "What happened?"

"I'm afraid that this was my fault," says Dejima. "I surprised her, and she appears to have fainted."

I nod. "She'll be okay, though. Could I ask you guys to lay out some jackets or something so we can set her down till she comes to?"

"Of course." Uomi moves quickly, removing the cast iron pan away from the flames and onto a rock before leading Kotomi to prepare a picnic blanket. Suzu takes off her jacket and folds it into a makeshift pillow, then dampens a clean rag with bottled water meant for Kaede's forehead. Dejima assists me in gently laying down Kaede while both Suzu and I keep an eye on her wandering hands. Thankfully, Dejima proves to be tactful in a situation like this.

"Let's just let her rest up a bit," I say as we all look down at her. I then turn to Uomi and ask, "So, where are Aria and Shino?"

"In the RV. I asked them to wake up Taka for breakfast. Twenty minutes ago."

"Twenty minutes ago?"

Uomi smiles in a manner which hints that she knows more than she's letting on. "Maybe you should go check on those two, Artoria. Their mouths have probably dried up by this point from hanging open for so long." Oddly specific. Let the investigation begin.

The door to the absurdly spacious RV opens without the slightest creak or groan. It's well-maintained despite Aria saying that her family rarely uses it. Peering into the lowly lit interior, I call out for Shino and Aria quietly, aware that Takatoshi's still asleep from his light snores. After heading inside and down a bit, I find them both kneeling with their eyes full of wonder at something out of my immediate sight. They're so mesmerized with whatever they're looking at that they don't even notice my approach. Wait, their mouths are hanging open.

Ah. It suddenly makes sense before I even get there. They're at Takatoshi's bunk. I arrive to confirm it, and yup.

Well, hello there. We meet again, Takatoshi's Boner. No, please. Don't stand up on my account. Wouldn't want you bumping your head on the ceiling, now. Or Alpha Centauri in your case.

I clear my throat firmly, but this elicits no reaction from either Shino or Aria. Rolling my eyes, I move up to the bunk to grab the blanket that had been pulled aside, and then re-cover Takatoshi's body. At an exceptionally specific point during this motion, my brain inadvertently takes note that my forearm is about the same length as Kotomi's, apparently. Afterwards, I grip both dirty little Perverts by the ear and lead them out of the bus despite their hushed protests. Before walking out the door, however, I give a little yank on Aria's arm to get her hand out of her shorts.

"But we didn't even wake up Tsuda!" whimpers Shino.

"You both had your chance. Wait by the fire, and I'll wake him up."

Aria gasps. "I forgot to take a **** pic! Artoria, could I ask you to —"

"Request denied. Just remember it to the best of your ability when you're in the shower later."

"Oh, my. That's actually a good idea." I let her and Shino go, and then we rejoin the others outside.

Dejima has returned to her cooking duties. She's tending to the cast iron upon the campfire, deftly flipping the current frittata while seasoning it in measured takes from an array of shakers. Uomi and Kotomi are munching happily on slices from a frittata that's already made. Suzu sets out some plates and utensils for us, whereas Kaede remains unconscious upon the blanket, not having moved aside from the steady rise and fall of her chest.

Aria melts into the nearest chair, sighing contentedly. Shino simply plops down into the seat right next to her.

"You weren't exaggerating, Artoria," Aria says in a daze. "It's certainly humongous."

Uomi smiles. "That's my Taka."

"That's our Taka, Sis," says Kotomi.

"I need to hold his hand again," Shino mumbles. She's hugging herself tight while rocking back and forth like a drug addict who's fighting back withdrawals or something.

Failing to read the scene, Suzu asks, "Prez, Shichijou, where have you two been? We sent you in to wake up Tsuda ages ago."

"Sorry Suzu," says Aria. "We were kind of caught up in something."

"What caught you up?"

Shino chuckles snidely. "Actually, it was more like we caught Tsuda up."

"He's up already? Where is he, then?"

"They're not talking about him being awake, Suzu, my dear."

"Then what are they talking about, Uomi? Enough with the games, already. Could somebody please just clearly tell me what on Earth is going on here?"

Without warning to Suzu, us, or the birds in the trees, Shino jumps up and screams at the top of her lungs, "Tsuda's **** is mother-****ing ginormous!" After that, we lay Suzu down next to Kaede.


Author's Note: Credit where credit is due. Aria and Shino staring at Takatoshi's morning wood was borrowed directly from the "Faraway Memories" segment of SYD #292.