Stuck with that image burned into my brain. And it feels so dumb that I could ever trust her.


"Hey, there you are."

"Hey hey hey, my little muffin top, gimme a kiss."

"Muffin top? Since when am I your muffin top?"

"Doesn't matter since you're mine."

"Oh you."

"All mine."

"Come on come on, this is a nice place, and you know I'm ticklish there."

"No one is watching."

"Not…yet."

"What's the matter sweety, you want them to?"

"N…no…"

"Come on, no one will know if I just…"

"I'm…warning you…"

"Put my hand…right…here and-"

"Stop! Stop, she's coming."

"Hello sir, hello ma'am, I'll be helping you this evening."

"Hey there, lovely to meet you."

"H-hi."

"Here's the specials for you. And Can I start you guys off with some drinks?"

"Oh yeah, I'll take a jack and coke."

"Yes sir, and for the lady?"

"Umm..uh…"

"Give her a Long Island."

"W-what?"

"Yeah, a Long Island. You love Long Islands."

"B-but…those are pretty strong."

"That's okay, I know you had a hell of a day at work. You deserve it."

"So a Long Island then for you ma'am?"


"Uhh….sure."

"Wonderful. I'll be right back with your drinks."


"That was too close."

"Yeah, you liked it though."

"N-no…"

"Then how come you're blushing? You haven't even had anything to drink yet."

"Because you…"

"Because I what?"

"…you know what you do to me."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm okay with it at home but I don't know if i'm ready…to like…you know. Out…here."

"You are just so damn cute, you know that?"

"H-huh?"

"Come here in that dress, in those heels, your tits practically hanging out."

"H-hey! Don't…."

"And you still act so coy, it's just the cutest thing."

"…r-really?"

"Really really."

"O-okay. If you say so."

"I know so."

"Hey guys, got your drinks for you. Jack and coke for the mister, and the Long Island for the missus."

"Thank you so much."

"Thank you."

"Alrighty, we ready to order?"


"How's your steak?"

"Oh my god, it's phenomenal. Pink as a lily, it just melts."

"Good, I'm glad."

"How's your Mac and cheese?"

"It's uh…it's fine."

"Fine? You don't like it?"

"No no no, I do. It's just…"

"You don't like the lobster."

"Umm…."

"Man, you eat like a four year old. You gotta expand your tastes a little bit."

"I…I'm sorry. I can't help it."

" 'Your parents didn't cook much' blah blah blah."

"It's true."

"Alright, well, I'm glad you at least tried it with the lobster in it."

"You kind of ordered it for me."

"I didn't want you ordering off the kids menu, it's weird."

"I wasn't though."

"Alright, look."

"No no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll eat it."

"Excuse me, miss?"

"No! No, what are you doing?"

"Yes sir, is everything alright?"

"I'm sorry, but she's saying the lobster tastes funny. I had a piece and I hate to agree with her."

"Oh no, sir I apologize. Let me take that back, we'll get another one for you."

"Sure, but any any chance we can just skip the lobster this time? Play it safe?"

"Absolutely, I'll get right on that. Ma'am, I am so sorry."

"It's…no problem. It happens."

"See? See how easy that was?"

"You didn't need to do that."

"If I didn't, you wouldn't have eaten it."

"Yeah..no…but…"

"Hey hey. I'm not mad. It's okay. Trust me."

"…you sure?"

"Yeah, absolutely. I don't want you to go hungry, I was just being a dick and trying to get you to try something new."

"Okay…I get it though. I should try-"

"Nope, you stay just the way you are."

"Really?"

"Really. I shouldn't be trying to change you, I love you just the way you are."

"Oh…w-wow I…"

"God, I love it when you blush like that."

"S-stop it you."

"Make me."

"I…w-will."

"Oh, you will?"

"Yeah. Yeah I will."

"Enlighten me, how you gonna stop me?"

"By…."

"Whoa, hello. That better be your foot I'm feeling under there."

"Mmm-hmm."


"Man,I should have known you would go for the chocolate cake."

"Guilty."

"Can I steal a piece?"

"Ofcourse."

"Thanks. So, I got quite the story to tell you."

"Yeah?"

"You know that show I went to with my sister the other day?"

"Oh yeah, how was it?"

"Man, it was insane. At one point in the middle, they start throwing all these beach balls and glow sticks into the audience."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and after that, the DJ on the stage was gonna throw out some special merch. My sister loves this guy, so she wanted me to pick her up so she can catch something."

"And did you?"

"Yup, me and some other dude put her on our shoulders and the guy threw a shirt and a record right at her. It was the only one of each in like, existence."

"No way."

"It was incredible, it made her whole day."

"Oh nice, that's awesome. I'm glad you guys had a good time, sounds like shes making use of most of her time here."

"Yeah, she definitely is. She's seeing my parents now, and heading out the day after so I'll probabaly spend her last day with her."

"Sounds good, I wish I had time to meet her."

"She lives life a mile a minute, none of us even knew she was coming until she walked in the door. Maybe next time we can actually plan a visit with her."

"Cool, cool."


"You weren't kidding, that place was really nice."

"I know, right? It's a good change of pace."

"I really wanna thank you for such a fun night out, I never really did anything like this before."

"Hey, my pleasure. My pleasure."

"I wish it didn't have to end so early."

"Who says it does?"

"Huh?"

"Did you hear me say the night was over?"

"…no."

"Exactly. Not gonna have you get all dolled up and waste that dress over a single dinner."

"O-okay…umm…"

"We got some time left before we get to my place."

"Y-your place?"

"Uhh…yeah?"

"I thought you were…dropping me off back home."

"Oh I'm sorry. I just assumed that… man my bad."

"Huh?"

"Here, I'll turn around. We were having such a fun time, I was getting carried away. I thought you would-"

"No no no, don't…. Don't turn around."

"Don't?"

"Y-yeah… we can…we can go to your place. I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what? Making me turn around and back again or making me think you didn't wanna spend more time with me?"

"What? Didn't wanna- no. Not at all, that's…I didn't even…"

"It's fine, really. You don't have to be sorry."

"But…I am. I am. I don't wanna upset you, I never wanted to."

"You're not upsetting me, I am. I should…should just…"

"Hey hey hey, it's alright. No need to be upset about anything."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Umm…you know…if it'll make you…feel better…"

"Whoa whoa whoa, it's not safe to take off the seat belt little lady."

"You said we have time before your place so…umm…and I can't…reach you with it on."

"And what are you gonna do with that time?"

"…nothing…just…"

"Oh my fucking god you are insatiable."

"Yup…uh….mmm…."

"That's it, that's it. Keep going, just like that. That a girl…that a girl…"


"You wait right here. You get comfy, I'm gonna get us some wine and snacks."

"Okay."

"Love you."

"….umm…love you…too."

"Be right back."

"Okay…oh, my phone. H-hello?"

"Hey bitch!"

"Oh hey, what's up?"

"Nothing nothing, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing. Just at my boyfriend's house."

"Wow, you two just can't stay apart, can you?"

"Yeah, I guess not."

"Is he there now?"

"Yeah, but he's out of the room getting us wine."

"Ooh, I know what that means."

"Y-yeah…"

"Come on chicky, you gotta tell me. Is the fucking good?"

"Jesus, you can't just-"

"Come on, who else can you tell? You went from nothing to fucking like a rabbit, it has to be good."

"Well..uh…"

"Come on, tell me."

"Well…yeah…It's good. I like it but…"

"But what?"

"I don't know…sometimes it feels like too much."

"Is he hurting you?"

"No. No no, nothing like that but… at times it's like it's all he thinks about."

"Men. What did I tell you?"

"Yeah. But at the end of the day, I still really like him. The attention is nice."

"Okay, if you say so. I'm hoping this relationship gets you more out of your shell, you need it."

"I think it is."

"Good. Oh! I have to tell you about that thing I went to last week."

"Oh right, with your boyfriend?"

"Yes! He invited me to this rave thing, and you know this bitch. I can't turn one down."

"Cool."

"Yeah, it was like some exclusive thing. He walks me inside, and there's this big fucking backdrop of my absolute favorite fucking DJ on the planet."

"No way."

"Yes way! I couldn't fucking believe it. It was so good, I was dancing and drinking my ass off all night long."

"Good, good for you guys."

"Thank god I wasn't too fucked up before the beach balls and glow sticks came out."

"Oh nice, they threw…huh?"

"Beach balls and glow sticks, yeah."

"Huh. I think my boyfriend went to that same show you did."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he went to a show with his sister and mentioned a DJ and beach balls and glow sticks and stuff. Just like you did."

"Damn, small world. I probably bumped into them without even knowing it."

"Yeah, probably."

"So anyway, near the end he said he was gonna throw out some like special exclusive merch."

"Really? Was it a t-shirt and a vinyl?"

"What the fu- yeah. Yeah they were. Wow, he actually was there too."

"I'll ask him if he saw you there. Did you see a girl on guys shoulders catching the stuff?"

"What…huh?"

"A girl. He said he and some other guy lifted his sister on their shoulders to help her catch the merch and she did."

"Uhh…"

"What's up?"

"I…what the fuck…"

"You okay?"

"He…sister?"

"Yeah, he said it was his sister."

"Umm…Nikki?"

"Yeah Audrey?"

"That was me."

"…wh-what…what?"

"Nikki…I was the one that caught the fucking merch. My boyfriend is the one that…lifted me…"


"Hey hey hey, sorry I'm late. Couldn't find the bottle opener."

"…"

"Damn thing was in the one drawer I didn't think to look in. Anyway, here you go."

"…"

"Uhh…here you…go?"

"…"

"Nikki. Babe, what's up?"

"…"

"You alright? Don't like wine all of a sudden?"

"…"

"What the fuck happened to you?"

"…you…"

"Huh? Speak up, I can't hear you."

"…you…"

"What? Me what?"

"…you…fuck…"

" 'I fuck?' Is that what you're mumbling? 'I fuck?' "

"…"

"Alright, whatever. If you don't feel like-"

"You fucking asshole!"

"Whoa whoa whoa! What the fuck are you-"

"You mother fucking bastard!"

"Jesus Christ, sit the fuck down! Sit the fuck-"

"Fucking liar! You're a fucking liar!"

"What the fuck are you- stop! Stop!"

"I can't fucking believe I-"

"I said sit the fuck down! Throw one more thing at me and see what the fuck happens!"

"You…you fucking-"

"Oh here come the fucking waterworks. You wanna tell me what the fuck you're on about you fucking psycho?"

"You…you're calling me the psycho? After you…you…"

"Yes I am, because you're fucking crazy."

"Crazy…you're calling me crazy…"

"Yes I am because you're freaking out! Now come on, calm down and tell me what-"

"Don't you fucking touch me."

"Nikki, you need to-"

"Get your fucking hands off of me."

"Alright, fine. Jesus, what has gotten into you?"

"….I know….I know…."

"Oh great, a fucking guessing game. What do you know?"

"I know….about Audrey…"

"You know about who?"

"Don't play dumb with me you sack of shit. You're cheating on me with Audrey!"

"Ch-cheating?! Where the fuck did you get that from?!"

"She sent me this fucking picture! That's you kissing her! That's you at the fucking rave with her!"

"What the fuck-"

"Why are so fucking surprised?! What, are you gonna tell me that's not you either?"

"Ha, nah. Nah."

"You're laughing? You mother fucker, you're laughing?!"

"Ha, yeah. I am. Can't believe it lasted this long."

"This long- what? How long have you-"

"Honestly since the day I met you."

"Wha…w-what?"

"Yeah, I was fucking Audrey the night I met you. I figured after that little tiff you guys had at the club, you weren't speaking anymore."

"…god…"

"I'll admit, I got too sloppy with the rave. I just really needed a break from you."

"…a..b-break?"

"Yeah man. God, you're so fucking dull and boring. Everything sucks with you, you don't like to do anything, you don't like to eat or drink anything, you're fucking basic."

"…I…"

"You hate life, you hate people, you hate work, all you do is drag me down man. Fuck."

"…then…"

"Quite crying bitch, it's pathetic."

"…."

"You know, this is a long time coming. I've been wanting to call you a waste of life almost this entire time. Almost."

"…"

"But man, all I had to do was ask and you were blowing me and fucking me whenever I fucking wanted, and you're such a waste because you suck at all of that, but fuck me if you aren't smoking hot."

"…"

"This whole nerd thing you got going on makes everything feel like it's a taboo, and thats what made it so fun. Even when we fucking in my own bed, it feels like your parents can barge in on any moment and it's that fucking thrill I loved so much."

"…"

"Come on muffin top. You say you wanna try new things, wanna try something else? Come on, you ever ride someone you hated?"

"..Don't touch me…don't touch me anymore…"

"Come on, you used to cry all the time when we were doing it, why stop now?"

"Leave me alone…just leave me alone…"

"Uh uh uh, where do you think you're going?"

"What are you doing? Get out of the way, get out of the way!"

"I'm not letting you leave until we talk about this like adults."

"There's nothing to talk about! I'm done with you, I'm done with all of this! Just let me go!"

"You're acting erratically, it would be irresponsible for me to let you leave."

"Bullshit…I'm calling the cops- no! Give it back! Give me my phone back!"

"Nope, not until you-"

"Give it back you mother fucker!"

"Hey, hey! Back up! Back the fuck up or else I'll smash the fucking thing!"

"…why are you doing this?…just let me go…"

"Nikki, I need you to grow the fuck up and listen to me."

"….no…n-no….I want to leave…"

"Why, and run away from the only guy that would ever give your sorry ass the time of day?"

"…"

"You seriously think there is a single guy out there that would take you out to dinner, buy you clothes, and love you and fuck you like I did? Huh?"

"… I don't care…"

"And that is your biggest fucking problem Nikki! You don't care! If you don't care, why should I? Why should anybody?"

"…"

"Why should I care about some fucking bum with no fucking ambition other than lock herself away from the fucking planet? You tell me! Because I have no fucking idea!"

"…"

"What else are you good for Nikki? Huh? It's not like you ever came up with any ideas for date nights, or things to do, or fucking anything!"

"…"

"You don't cook, you barely clean, you have no hobbies, what is there to the girl called Nikki, huh?"

"…"

"I was dumb enough to give you the time of day once, and you haven't let go of my leg since! Not only does spending time with you suck, you want to spend every single second with me of every single day!"

"…"

"You're just this mental and physical drain, I can't fucking express this to you. But guess what, I stuck around, didn't I?"

"…"

"Can you blame me for seeing other girls? There was so much you couldn't give me, I had to get it from somebody else you dumbass!"

"…g-girls?"

"…Yeah! Girls- ah shit. Alright, fine. You got me. But what fucking difference does it make?"

"…you…how f-fucking many…"

"Oh boy, now we get to count together! That might be the funnest thing I ever do with you! Here, I'll go slow so you can follow along. One, that's you. Two, you're little bitch Audrey. Three- there you go, use your fingers. Four, which is actually her mother. Five- fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

"Gah! Why won't it…open you bastard!"

"You mother fucker! You fucking…Jesus Christ you broke my no- aah fuck!"

"Shut up!"

"Fuck! Fuck!"

"Shut…the…fuck…up!"

"Fuck…stop! Please…stop. Stop fucking kicking me….stop…please."

"I….fucking hate you! I fucking hate you!"

"O-okay…okay…s-stop…stop…"

"How do I open the fucking door?! Tell me before I fucking….I…"

"J-just…that lock…on the top…clockwise…"

"…There…thank god…"

"Wait. Wait! Nikki!"


I shot straight up, breathing in as much as I could.

My heart felt like it was punching me from inside.

I had to look all around to figure out when and where I was.

This wasn't my bed, this wasn't my room.

These weren't my clothes, this isn't my…

"Oh, Dean."

I looked to my left, and passed out in front of the computer was Dean.

Not even sleeping on his arms, his cheeks pressed hard into the keyboard.

In that moment, everything began to settle down.

The sun was just coming up, the sky a dark pink poking through the skyscrapers.

His room was dark, the only source of light was his faded computer screen.

This was reality now, I could finally relax.

I buried my face in my palms, trying to rub my eyes awake.

"God, that fucking nightmare again."

I took one more deep breath, one more final step to waking up and and accepting where I was.

"At least it stopped there. Usually it goes until where he's yelling at me through the window and calling me a slut and shit."


Ever since that day, at least once a week, I relive that entire night.

What's worse is I don't know and I forget it's a nightmare every time.

That nightmare starts, and I'm so happy to see him.

I'm so uncomfortable in that dress, but his smile and his hair just make me melt.

I can taste the food and the drinks, I can feel the effects of the alcohol.

I feel embarrassed, I feel sorry.

I can taste him, and feel him.

And then I still feel the shock. The utter disdain, the blood boiling in my veins when I figure it out.

My eyes hurt as I cry, my chest feels like it's on fire.

It didn't even feel good punching and kicking him, it just made my hands and feet hurt too.

And running away, clomping in those expensive heels and in that dress.

He opens the window, dark thick blood oozing out of his nose.

'Run away whore!'

'You're nothing but a slut without me!'

That's when I normally wake up.

After a while, once I've calmed down, I take just a second and remind myself.

To remember to use this nightmare as a reminder.

One was bad enough. I didn't need another.

It reminded me to never do it ever again. Never be in that situation ever again.

And when I looked back at Dean, I thought of last night.

What this was, whatever the hell it may be, was violating that reminder.

I'm just setting myself up for another nightmare.


I skulked around quietly, gathering my things and looking for a way to leave Dean a note.

"He's a fucking author and yet I can't find a goddamn sticky note and a pen."

I didn't wanna text him and possibly wake him up.

Everything would be so much easier if I can do all this with him asleep.

I took another lap around the apartment, with no luck.

"Son of a bitch."

I just wanted to tell him thanks and that I'll send a tow truck later for my car.

I was ready to call a cab, and when I got home and got my car back, I was ready to delete him out of my life.

I don't know what's going on with him, but I was dumb to dig this deep this quickly.

Everyone has baggage, god knows I have a shit ton myself.

But I'd rather it be something simple. Like he's just another asshole.

But Dean is obviously some kind of puzzle I'll never figure out, and there's no point in trying to put it together.

The last thing I needed was my phone, which was on the nightstand next to his computer.

I tiptoed my way over, and carefully snatched it.

"I'll just…Text him later I guess."

But as I was pulling it away, I can see a stack of sticky notes and a cup of pens tucked away behind the monitor.

"Oh Jesus Christ, there they are."

I reached over, but I bumped the desk as I did.

"Shit."

The monitor blew up, barely shaking the mouse and brought it out of sleep mode.

I stood still, hoping to god he didn't wake up.

But after a couple seconds and just a couple breaths, he didn't move an inch.

"Thank god."

I started writing my note out.

'Hey Dean. I'm sorry about what happened last night. Don't worry about me, I headed out before you woke up. I'll send a truck for my car later, so no need to worry about that.'

I ripped it off the stack, and stuck it on the side of his monitor. I then started writing on the next one.

'Thank you for helping me out and having me over. But I think from here, it's best we move on. I've done what I can, I think you can manage the story from here.'

I ripped it off, and stuck it beneath the first one.

'I can't wait to read it once it's all done. Good luck, and thanks. Goodbye.

-Nikki'

"There, perfect."

I went to go stick it underneath the other ones, but ran out of room on the monitor.

I looked around for maybe a different spot or layout.

But as I did, the lit up screen got my attention.


It was an entire page full of lowercase Z's. And the page was growing bigger.

I looked down, and Dean's nose was pressed down into the Z key.

"That's ironic."

I reached in and pressed the space bar, stopping from any more Z's flooding his story.

Or at least until he shuffled around and starting pressing a different letter.

I looked back up at the page, and saw he was up to almost two hundred pages.

"Jesus, how long was he here for?"

I went over to the other side and found his mouse.

I scrolled up and up, climbing up the mountain of mis-inputs.

I scrolled all the way to around page seventy four.

That's where I first saw actual words.

I honed in on the last word I could see before he likely fell asleep at the wheel.

I used the mouse to highlight all the junk and deleted it for him.

"There you go Dean."

I made sure I got everything, and went back to the last word.

The last word was 'beautiful.'

" 'Beautiful'? What's beautiful?"

I backtracked until I found the start of the sentence.

" 'As they lay in bed together, just by the way he held her in his sleep, for the first time in a long time she felt beautiful.' Aww."

I couldn't help myself, and went to the sentence before that one.

" 'Bonded by more than just their bodies, but bonded by their hearts and souls as well.' Damn Dean."

I stood back, feeling oddly proud.

"So, what did he say about the…"

My curiosity got the better of me, and I began searching for key words about what we did last night.

After digging through a couple pages, the lack of context made it almost impossible.

"Well, there's only one way then."


I scrolled all the way up, to the first page and the first word.

I stood there, unsure of how long.

I hovered over him, reading everything he wrote.

Every single word.

I read all the way back down to the last 'beautiful'.

The sky was no longer pink, but a golden orange.

The city began casting shadows into his apartment.

He was still sound asleep, barely moving an inch besides an occasional deep breath.

But as I finished, I found myself clawing at his mouse.

Squeezing it so hard like I was trying to break it.

I couldn't comprehend what I was feeling.

I didn't know what these emotions were.

I could hear his mouse crack, buckling under the pressure.

The noise loosened my grip, finally bringing me away from the screen.

Everything I was feeling felt trapped in my lungs.

All it took was one long breath to get them out, blowing them back out onto him and onto his own words.

Once those emotions left my mouth, a translation came after.

"Fuck you Dean."