And it drives me insane, sittin' with a vision.
"Hey Gigi, morning."
"Aw man, morning hun."
"How you feeling?"
"Feelin' alright Beck, feelin' alright."
"Good, good. How'd you sleep?"
"Good, real good. Jennie gave me some good shit, you should try it."
"Uh-huh, yeah. Sure."
"You got me. Anyway, where's Dean?"
"Oh, he left a little bit ago."
"No, really? Shit, I wanted to thank him."
"It's alright, I thanked him plenty for us. He says he feels bad he couldn't say goodbye, but-"
"I know, I know. He's busy I bet and I sleep like a fucking bear. Speaking of, what time is it?"
"About two o'clock."
"Alright, not as late as yesterday. That's something."
"Right. You ready for breakfast?"
"Oh yeah, I'm starving."
"So he actually ended up staying the night then?"
"Yup."
"Wow, he's a good man Beck. Keep him around."
"I know, I will."
"First he's stepping in front of you, then he's hanging around to keep you safe, God. Why couldn't your mother find a man like him?"
"Couldn't tell you."
"Whatever, what's done is done. So anything else happen last night?"
"Well, the asshole paid the wifi bill."
"No he didn't! Beck, why would you let him do that?"
"I didn't fucking ask him to, he beat it out of me."
"And how the hell did he do that?"
"He made the good point that without it I can't print out whatever is I'm drawing."
"Shit, yeah that's a good point."
"Next time I buy a printer, remind me to get one with fucking usb ports why don't you."
"Beck, I don't know what the fuck a usb is."
"And by the way, fuck you for telling him about the money."
"Hey hey hey, he beat it out of me."
"Fuck you, no he didn't."
"Yeah, ha, he didn't. He's just so sweet and handsome I couldn't stop blathering."
"Blather less next time, the last thing I wanted was him feeling sorry for me."
"Well why not?"
"Why not? Because… just because."
"Beck, that ship has sailed. He's seen you, he's seen the house, he's seen me. If he didn't feel sorry for you at this point, he'd be a heartless bastard."
"That's not the-"
"Point? What is the point then?"
"I…n-nothing. Nothing."
"Come on you gorilla, you need to let yourself be weak for somebody eventually."
"Be weak? In what world does that make sense, nonetheless in what world is that good advice?"
"I don't mean like weak-weak, I just mean let your guard down. Don't be so stoic all the time, it's gonna wear you down and break you sooner than later."
"I can't help it Gigi."
"Beck, I'll never forget you crying that day when you came home after pissing him off. That's what I mean."
"I wasn't breaking down Gigi, I was-"
"That's exactly what it was hon."
"And how would you know?"
"Because that's how I met your grandfather."
"I was the baddest bitch in town, I've told you those stories before, right?"
"Yeah, I love those stories. The motorcycles, bar fights, and shit."
"Now Beck, listen, when you're the baddest bitch in town, guess what happens."
"What?"
"You end up being the loneliest son of a bitch too."
"Really?"
"Really really. People were either scared of me, or thought they couldn't get close to me. But I wasn't a bad bitch because I was some disgruntled fuck-head, I was just raised to rely on myself."
"Really?"
"Yeah. No one could fight for me, I had to fight for myself. And back then, people didn't like independent women, especially not around here. So I ended up fighting a lot. I didn't enjoy it, but it was either fight or God knows what else."
"I hear you."
"When you fight that much, you get good at it. So no one wanted to pick a fight with me, but then you realize well shit, what else is there to do with me?"
"Yeah?"
"Beck, no one. And I mean, no one, gave me the time of day. They'd see me coming, and dive out of the way. I walk into the bar, they'd clear the stools and make a gap for me. I walk into a store, they'd shiver and shake and offer me what I wanted for free. It was awful, it made me feel like a monster."
"Geez Gigi, you never told me any of this."
"And there's a reason hon. It got so bad, I didn't know what to do. But then one day, I walk into my favorite bar."
"It was called Cooper's, right?"
"Yes, Cooper's. I walked in, the room got quiet and everyone shuffled away like they normally do. But as I got closer to my favorite spot, there was a guy just sitting right next to my stool."
"Was that grand-"
"Shh shh, let me finish."
"Sorry, sorry."
"Right, so, this guy didn't move. He was just sipping on his beer watching the football game, minding his own business."
"Okay?"
"Now, I'll admit. I've been struggling with people for a while at this point, so me in my youth and astounding wisdom, assumed this guy was being a jackass for not moving."
"Damn Gigi, didn't you say you hated when people moved?"
"I know, I did. But everyone kept doing it, so I thought when someone wasn't moving, it meant they were picking a fight with me."
"Ah, got'cha."
"And I had a shit day, I just wanted a beer, so I figured I'd end it before it even started. I grabbed him by the shoulder, twisted him around, and knocked his fucking block off."
"Jesus, really?"
"Really really. Punched him so hard he flipped over on his way to the ground."
"Fuck Gigi, damn. That's brutal."
"I know! He slowly starts to get up, and I'm ready to punch him again. But all of a sudden he says 'Wait wait, hold on.' He spits out a little blood, and looks up at me. Whoever this guy was, I never seen him before. So I wait a second, he gets his breath, and he says 'can I at least finish my beer first?' "
"You were about to kill him and thats all he was concerned about?"
"Nah, I wasn't gonna kill him. But yeah, thats all he said. Didn't cuss or yell or go after me, just politely wanted to finish his drink."
"So what happened then?"
"Well it threw me for a loop. I kind of just stood there, and watched him drink his beer. Once he was done, he put it down on the bar, threw a couple bucks under the glass, and said 'okay, thank you. Now you can punch me.' "
" 'Now you can punch me?' Is that really what he said?"
"Beck, I was as confused as you are. I'm like 'Aren't you gonna fight me?' And he says 'Nah. I don't have a reason to, but I guess you do.' "
"Whoa."
"Yeah, it made me think. I said to him 'Don't you know these are my seats?' And he goes 'Miss, this is my first time here, so no. I did not know these were your seats.' He grabs a napkin, wipes the blood from his lip and says 'I am very sorry miss.' "
"You punched the shit out of him for no reason and he was apologizing to you?"
"Yeah. Yeah. I threw my arms down, felt like a piece of shit, and said to him 'Okay, just so you know these are my seats.' He goes 'Thank you, now I know.' He grabbed his hat off the ground, and put it on for a second so he could tip it towards me. He smiles, then says 'Is it okay if I have another drink at this bar?'"
"Man, how brave."
"I say 'Yeah, fine. Whatever.' Then he says 'Is it okay if I sit in one of your seats?'"
"What? No way."
"Yes way. Now, I'm almost shaking in my boots, I have no idea what's going on here. I'm starting to think this guy is just setting me up for something, so I ask him why. And Beck, I swear. The next words out of his mouth were 'Because I would like to have a drink with you.' "
"Oh my god…Gigi."
"And that's how I met your grandfather Beck. By punching him in the mouth."
"Only you Gigi."
"Yeah, only me. We had a couple beers that night, and a few other nights, and then the beers became rides on our bikes, then dinners, and… yeah. I didn't realize I was falling in love with him until he told me he loved me."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well, it was maybe about a year since the day we first met. He got us a table at one of the only fancy restaurants nearby. I didn't even think we were dating, I thought we were just trying new things."
"Come on, you're joking."
"I wish I was. But this time around, I figured fuck it, I'll try being fancy for once. I didn't wanna embarrass him. So I found a dress and heels I could squeeze into, but I felt weird since the dress didn't cover my tattoos at all."
"You had all of these back then too?"
"Oh fuck yeah, I had most of these before I even met him. Anyway, I was running short on time. I had to leave, but I wanted to cover the tattoos but I didn't have time to get re-dressed, so in a panic I left the house as is. I pulled up to the restaurant, tripping with every step in those fucking heels."
"I was gonna say, you in heels seems like a crime against nature."
"Aw thanks you little fucker. Anyway, I stumble my way into the joint, they tell me where the table is, and guess what I see when I turn the corner?"
"Uhh….a surprise anniversary party?"
"Nope."
"Uh…I dunno."
"Come on, guess one more time. One more."
"Fuck…uh…"
"You're overthinking it."
"Um…a new bike?"
"No no no."
"Then what was it?"
"It was just him. Wearing his denim and leather like it was any other day."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously! I got all dolled up for the first time in my life because I thought this guy was gonna show up in a three piece tux, and instead he's dressed like he's going to a fucking Motörhead concert."
"No fucking way, what did he say?"
"Well first off, he starts laughing."
"Laughing?"
"Yup, laughed his ass off the table."
"Come on grandpa."
"Yup, that was him. I run up and smack him on the head and ask him 'you fucking prick, what are you laughing about?' And I'll never forget it, he says to me 'Only you can find this many ways to be beautiful.'"
"Aww, grandpa."
"Beck, my face was as red as a tomato. It was such a wonderful dinner, such an amazing time with him that night. And I still didn't even think it was a date."
"Fucking how?"
"I just had no reference, I didn't know what any of this was. I just thought he was the only non-asshole this side of town and this was how non-assholes treated people."
"Man, and I thought Dean had it bad."
"What does that mean?"
"Nothing. Nothing. Anyways, you were saying?"
"Right, so anyways. We finish dinner, he walks me to my bike, and he begins to tell me how special tonight was and how special I was to him. He holds my hands and says 'I just want to make sure you know I love you.' And right there, I could feel this tick in my heart. It starts beating real fast, and then I could feel that same tick in my head."
"And what was that? A stroke?"
"Come on, you little weasel. It wasn't a fucking stroke, you asshole."
"Ha, sorry sorry. So what was it?"
"I think it was me realizing 'oh shit, is that what this was?' This whole time, everything I've been feeling and everything he's made me feel. It was love."
"Wow Gigi."
"I couldn't say anything back. I didn't know what to say. So instead I just kissed him."
"Aww."
"And later on that night, when I told him I didn't know we were dating yet, that was the only time I ever saw him get mad."
"Oh my god, really?"
"Yup! 'What do you mean you didn't know!?' And 'We were fucking holding hands!' And oh my god, it was hysterical."
"I bet."
"And then a few years later we got married, a few after that your mother was born. And not long after that, he died."
"Oh…"
"It's alright Hon. It's okay."
"What…happened?"
"One day, he saw a poor dog on the side of the road. He pulled over, and went to help it out. And then some drunk piece of shit in a piece of shit truck took them both out."
"Jesus…no…"
"Dead on impact."
"My god Gigi…"
"Yeah. First day of summer too."
"…that's fucking awful…"
"It is, but it's alright. Wanna know why?"
"Why?"
"Because without him, who knows where and what I'll be right now. Beck, I wish every day he was still here. I miss him every second. I still get so mad and frustrated and I've never stopped hating the mother fucker that took him away from me. But the worst possible thing I could do is let those feelings come over me. The worst thing I could do is go back to being the person I was before I met him. If I just stayed mad and went back to hating the world and hating everyone, it'd be a waste of everything he gave me. Everything he taught me."
"I hear you."
"I'm still not perfect, I've still made bad mistakes since then. Obviously if I raised your mother better she'd probably be here and would have never gave that son of a bitch the time of day. But no matter what, even without him here, I lived my life."
"He really was a special guy, wasn't he?"
"He was the best Beck. The best. And if I didn't let my guard down for that one second, and let him ask me for that drink, he would have walked out of the bar, out of my life, and I would never see him again. And honestly, I'd probably still be some bitchy old shut-in that'd rather punch you in the face than hear your story."
"…wow Gigi…"
"And yet, I still almost blew it. As patient as he was, as happy as I was, even though he knew everything about me and still wanted me, I was still managing to keep him on the fence. That night, on that date, he had to jump the shark to really seal the deal with me, all because I never told him."
"Never told him? Never told him what?"
"The one thing he didn't know about me yet."
"Which was?"
"That I loved him."
"Man Beck, this shit is spicy."
"Spicy? Did you just call the comic spicy?"
"Fuck yeah. Why, am I not allowed to?"
"Honestly yeah, I'd say so."
"Well what the fuck, what else can I call it then?"
"I don't know, what's an old person word for sexy?"
"What's a young person word for 'get over here so I can kick your ass?'"
"Alright, alright. Thanks though, really."
"I'm serious, this is really good. You didn't even color it in yet, and it's amazing."
"Thanks Gigi."
"Although I'll admit, it's weird seeing a happy couple with all their limbs attached in your drawings."
"Oh yeah, you're telling me."
"So you drew all this based off what Dean wrote?"
"Yeah, that's what he dropped off."
"Got'cha. Man, he must be killer in bed then."
"Guh-fuck…God, warn me before you say shit like that."
"You alright? What's the big deal? What did I say?"
"You said…huh, I guess that's what that feels like, but anyway, no. Do me a favor and don't talk about Dean in bed."
"Sorry you little scamp, didn't mean to strike a nerve."
"Uh-huh."
"Well come on, it's just us girls here. He has to know what he's doing if he thought of something like this."
"Nope, not in the slightest."
"And how would you know that?"
"Because it wasn't just him, he got his own help writing it."
"From who? You?"
"No, er- I mean, not really but-"
"Not really? Whoa whoa whoa Beck, what were you two doing on the-"
"Dah dah dah dah dah shut up bitch. Shut up."
"Ha, you little fox. You're blushing."
"N-no!"
"Then what did you do? What are you blushing for-"
"N-nothing! We literally did nothing! I-I-I didn't help him write it, some other girl did."
"Oh, some other girl? Who?"
"I don't know, some cam girl named Nikki."
"A what girl?"
"Cam girl, she's like a virtual stripper."
"Jesus, they have those?"
"Yup."
"Well why did he go to some stripper for help if he had you?"
"Because I guess he- what in the fuck did you just say?"
"What you cussing at me for? Am I kicking your dog or something? It's just simple questions. Why didn't he go to you for help?"
"He…he…he said he was too embarrassed."
"Well then I bet the feeling's mutual."
"I…come on Gigi. Lay off."
"Well then what the fuck? Did he seriously go to a stripper? What did she do, write it for him?"
"No no, nothing like that. He doesn't need someone to write for him, he just needed help with like…I don't know. Reference."
"Reference? For sex?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"My god, what a pervert. I shook his hand and everything. Ugh."
"No no no no, you got the completely wrong idea Gigi."
"I do?"
"Yeah, he's not a perv he's a…fuck he's gonna kill me for telling you but he's a virgin."
"Ooohhh….seriously?"
"Yeah."
"…seriously?"
"Yup."
"….fuck, seriously?"
"Yes, seriously. How many times I gotta say it?"
"It's just surprising. He's a good looking guy, he's polite, he's nice, shit like that."
"I know, it's weird to me too."
"Did he tell you why?"
"Why he's a virgin?"
"Yeah."
"Because he's never fucked before."
"Okay, that's it. Come here, I'm choking you with my oxygen tube."
"Okay okay okay, ha ha, sorry sorry sorry."
"Last chance missy. Quit being such a smart ass or else you stop breathing."
"Yup, you got it."
"Alright, that's more like it."
"Okay, but yeah, I don't know. Honestly, it's like this really weird touchy subject for him."
"Well I can imagine that. I bet it's tough for someone at your guys' age."
"He fell asleep on my shoulder last night, but when I woke up this morning he was cleaning the house some more and did his best to fix the screen door."
"Oh did he?"
"Yeah, so once I was up we had some cereal and talked for a little bit."
"What did you talk about?"
"I kind of asked him the same questions you were asking me. There's not much else I know about him believe it or not."
"Not much? What's not much?"
"His like, history. I know he moved away for this job after school, so he's been on his own for a while. But he isn't super close with any family, or have any friends besides me I guess."
"No friends? Seriously?"
"Yeah, it's weird to me too. He's obviously weird and quirky in his own ways, but he's still a nice normal guy. Treats everyone well and isn't some awkward little creep. Most of the time."
"I can see that, yeah."
"He says he's just not an outgoing person. But like…there's evidence that says otherwise. But then again, I can believe it too."
"Right."
"But this morning, I was just shooting the shit with him and brought up relationships."
"Okay."
"And like…it was weird. He didn't shut it down like he normally does. He didn't frantically tell me to shut up or change the subject."
"So…what did he do?"
"He like…blanked or something. I super casually asked him if he ever had a girlfriend before and mid sentence he just…zoned out."
"What the fuck?"
"Yeah, like he was some robot that malfunctioned. I tried getting his attention again, but then it triggered one of his headaches."
"What do you mean one of his headaches? He gets headaches?"
"Yeah, like all of a sudden we'd be talking and then just boom. He gets this super bad migraine that lasts like a few seconds."
"That's…weird."
"I know, you're telling me. It was only here or there a week or two ago. But then on that last day of work…I triggered like a super bad one."
"Oh, so that's why he was mad."
"…yeah. Exactly."
"Well Beck, come on. Unless you hit him in the head with a fucking sledgehammer, what makes his headaches your fault? How could you be the one to trigger it?"
"I…I know it was me. Just…it was me."
"What did you-"
"I don't wanna say."
"Jesus Beck, how bad-"
"It was bad, okay? I just…I made a bad move and then next thing I know he's screaming in pain and…and…and…"
"Beck, Beck. It's okay. Take it easy."
"But like…I just don't get it with him Gigi. One day its fine, the next he's cursing at me for it and…and…he never told me he was scared and…God, he just spent hundreds of dollars on me and…"
"It's never easy Beck. It's never gonna be easy."
"But why is this so fucking hard? What could be so wrong and so fucked up with someone to act like that when-when-"
"Shh shh, come here hon. Come here."
"I just don't get it Gigi."
"I know sweety, I know."
"Besides you, he's all I have. I just want to be a good friend to him, I just want to understand him but why does he make it so fucking hard to do that?"
"I don't think it's his fault Beck. Whatever it is, there's something there that makes him what he is. Just like you."
"I know…I know."
"Beck, I doubt he's this nice to everyone. I doubt he's paying everyone WiFi's bill, I doubt he's fixing everyone's doors, I doubt he's bandaging everyone's legs. You obviously mean something to him."
"…you think so?"
"I fucking know so sweetheart. I know. I met the guy once but that's all I need. You've worked with him for years, you should to."
"…yeah. I should, shouldn't I?"
"I'd think so. But it's alright Beck, no need to feel pressured about it. Sometimes it takes time, you just gotta wait for him. Sometimes he's gotta wait for you."
"…I guess. I just wish he was able to talk to me about these things better. There's obviously something important there."
"Like what?"
"I don't know, I have no idea. This is always been such a weird thing for him. If he's not ignoring it..it's like…he's forgotten it. Or like…I don't know. It's never just a normal straight 'no', so like…the answer isn't no then. Right?"
"Alright, alright. Look, we aren't gonna figure it out now. We probably won't anytime soon. How about you go and finish this comic up, save yourself from less work tomorrow. Get your mind off things for a bit."
"Okay. Alright. That's a good idea."
"There you go, it's coming out good Beck. Really."
"Thanks Gigi."
"And I'm glad we talked. When you got a moment and you're all set, just think about it, okay?"
"You got it."
"Okay, cool. Love you Beck."
"Love you too Gigi."
