* The Chasm *
Cold.
Ice forms on the tips of my wings as I stare over the edge of the chasm. I have every reason to jump- I have nothing left. Prim is gone- my beautiful, perfect Prim. She deserves to be alive, not me. All I've done is take lives. She saved them, she was good for the world, she should be alive! My mom is gone. Gale is gone. Peeta hates me. In fact the entire world does. I ruined their lives. I saved their children from the games but what good is that when they're going to die from starvation or have already died due to the war. I've caused more chaos than good. I would be doing the world a favor and yet I can't bring myself to do It.
Why cant I bring myself to do It?
Cold.
I breathe in the air- It freezes in my nostrils and feels like tiny shards in my lungs. My clothes hang loosely on my boney, malnourished body. I haven't eaten in days. Greasy Sae practically force feeds me some days. She's too good to me. I'm a burden she doesn't deserve.
Yet I still can't bring myself to jump.
What am I holding on for? Haymitch? No he'll be fine as long as his liver doesn't get to him first. Buttercup? Stupid cat can easily fend for himself. That's all I have. That's It, even my own mother couldn't handle sticking around. I'm alone.
Completely and utterly alone.
My knees buckled beneath me and I fall to the cold icy ground. My fists instinctually grip at the frozen ground as the sobs escape from me. My dad's voice sings to me in the back of my mind, causing my cries to intensify. I don't remember getting up. I don't even remember the walk home or how I got there. And yet I find myself on a porch staring at a door. It's only then that I realize it's not my door. In fact I'm two houses down staring face to face with the knocker on Peeta's door.
Guilt floods my system. He doesn't deserve this. If his happiness means anything to me I should just walk away before he notices I'm even here. I shake my head and walk to my house. What would I even say to him? How've you been? No. Still want to kill me? Please do. I can't help but chuckle at my own dark humor.
As I stroll past Haymitch's house I see the light on. I debate checking in on him but decide against wasting my time. He's probably passed out anyways.
It's cold tonight, but the stars are out. It's quite beautiful actually. I can't help but stop and stare up at the stars, imagining my sister is staring down at me with my father. I whisper an "I miss you" into the wind with hopes It will carry It to them.
I lay there in my bed crying into a pillow when I hear a small raspy meow. Though I've never been fond of this cat, we have an understanding of each other. He doesn't hiss at me anymore and I don't threaten to cook him. His small head brushes up against my hand wanting me to pet him. After a few attempts of him doing this, I finally comply. A soft deep rumble erupts from his chest as he purrs. He hops up on my chest and rubs his face against my nose. I have to pet him to get him to stop and eventually he lays down on me.
"What is with you? You stupid cat,"I sniffle. His purr continues and slows as he falls asleep on my chest. A knock on the door startles us both, causing Buttercup to fly off of me, kicking me in the chest as he does so. At first I ignore it, but curiosity gets the best of me.
My first thought is Greasy Sae. She always checks on me and attempts to get me to eat. But she just walks in now. It could be Haymitch, but I doubt it. 9pm is his nightly whiskey and cigar time where he nearly lights himself on fire by falling asleep 4 drinks in and burning ash into his clothes. My next thought is Peeta, but I dismiss that thought quickly. It couldn't possibly be him.
Peeta returned to district 12 a month ago. But I haven't seen him yet, I've only heard about it once from Haymitch before he got too far into his old habits. As annoying as sober Haymitch was- I have to admit I kinda miss having him to talk to. But I know that Peeta still hates me, or at least doesn't want to meet my acquaintance. If he didn't, he would have said something by now. I can't blame him, I took everything from him; his family, his bakery, his heart, his humanity. He's a shell of that golden boy who was crushed by this cruel world.
When I open the door, there's no one there. So I decide to walk out onto the porch. The cold wind blows through me like ghost of all my demons. My breath hitches in my chest as I catch a glance of his beautiful blonde hair while he makes his way across his lawn into his house... is that real? He couldn't possibly come to see me?
But he did.
Guilt pangs my chest as all I can think of is how wrong I am. There's still a part of him that wants to see me. If there wasn't, he wouldn't have knocked on my door. He deserves a life without me in It, they all do, but maybe my own selfishness wants to be in It. I miss his smile, his laugh, his smell. I miss everything about him. Just seeing a glimpse of him burns a fire in me I thought was long gone. Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me. I need to see him.
Before I can even stop myself I'm already running.
A/N- Welcome back! If you've read Growing Together, this is a reimagining of that fic bc it's been 10 years since I started that! And (hopefully) my writing has improved lol, I wanted to redo this fic bc It had such love and good feedback but as an story written by a 14yo goes- It had a lot of issues. Now I'm a bit older and I want to try again :) however I don't know the story as well as I use to so I will be a bit rusty and absolutely will be doing some research. I recently watched TBoSAS and wow was It incredible and fuel for my hg obsession. Hope you guys enjoy and if this is new to you, welcome! I hope you enjoy as well and feel free to check out my original story. This will be very similar but I'm tweaking the story as I feel necessary and It will probably deviate at times from Growing Together. As always this is a fanfic in admiration of the wonderful writing of Suzanne Collins, thank you for creating this world for us to add to :)
-Pookieortega 3
