AN: Hello Everyone welcome back to another Angsty Teen Supernatrual Fanfiction. Please let me know your thoughts I do so love the reviews they spark bits of joy into my life.

TRIGGER WARNING: There is going to be a considerable amount of sexual assault in this fanfiction, if that's an issue with you please go read something else. There will also be some depression and suicidal idiation, again if that's a trigger go somewhere else. This fanfiction can wait until youre in a more stable place.


Sam's legs gave out and he allowed himself to slide slowly down along the bathroom wall.

Can't breath

He lifted his hand, eyes locked on to it as tremors ran up and down his arm.

Can't breath

He had survived

Smelled

"'you smell amazing" he leaned in, breath hot on Sam's cheek'

Got to get the smell off

Sam crawled to the tub/shower combo and turned the water on, seemed to cling to the side of the tub like a lifeline.

Dean didn't find out.

'"You know what will happen if you tell him"'

Sam stripped off his shirt, throwing it against the far end of the room where it fell with an inaudible 'thump'

It's fine

You survived

Dean's fine

Nothing happened.

Sam peeled off his pants and climbed into the shower.

Gotta get clean

He allowed the hot water to wash over him, it stung where it hit the

scratches and he reveled in the pain.

You're fine. Nothing happened. Don't cry, nothing to cry about, nothing happened.

Dean's safe.

Sam knelt, letting the water pound softly on his back and the water to run down his hair, dripping off his bangs.

Just breath

He imagined Dean was there, rubbing small. Circles on his back like he did when Sam was little and had a cold.

Dean had done so much for him, sacrificed so much.

You can do this.

At least for a bit, Just gotta hold on till you're out of the town. Sam let his breath out slowly. It wasn't forever, just until they left town. Knowing their father's track record, that shouldn't be too much longer.

"Sam?" Dean knocked on the door "Come on man it's been like 30 minutes I know you've used up all the hot water by now."

"S-Sorry" Sam Stammered, quickly shutting the water off. "I got lost in thought."

"Sure, I'll buy that." Dean churtled "Guess you'll make some lady happy with all that stamina"

Or Someone

"Shut it" Sam yelled back, ignoring the chill that swept over him. He quickly towelled off before his eyes stopped on his discarded garments. He couldn't put them back on, and couldn't let Dean see them. He thought quickly, looking around the small room for some inspiration. He grabbed the clothes and shoved them under the sink, they could stay there until Sam could sneak back in and discard them properly. He wrapped the towel around and cursed himself for not bringing in new clothes.

"Feeling a bit shy today huh?" Dean teased as Sam left the bathroom, hurrying to their bedroom.

"Woah Hey Sam." Dean grabbed his hand, stopping him abruptly. "What's that?"

Sam followed Dean's pointing finger to his legs and horror swept over him as he saw a thin trail of blood dripping down the inside of his thigh, the water hastening it's decent.

Fuck

Should have checked, should have been more careful

What the fuck do I do

Think Sam

THINK

"I uh." Sam stammered, racking his brain for an excuse.

"No freaking way, did you try mowing the grass?" Dean's eyebrows skyrocketed

It wasn't the most graceful excuse, but Sam had no choice but to take it. "Shut up." Sam growled in fake disgust.

"You meet a girl who likes to see the goods huh? or-" Dean chuckled before a look of horror fell onto his face and Sam felt his heart skip a beat

He knows

"Bro, you had better not have used my razor."

The relief that washed over Sam was almost enough to distract him from responding. "Hell no, now leave me alone." Sam pulled out from the grip and hurried back to his room, ignoring the continued mockery his brother flew at him.

Sam curled up on his twin bed, and pretended to sleep, ignoring the sounds when Dean came in and went to his own bed. Only after Dean was there did Sam dare to fall asleep himself, the presence of his brother providing the security he needed.

Hurts

It hurts

Was it possible to die form

From

Nothing

Nothing happened.

'he was pushed down, falling on his knees, allowing all his instincts to shrivel up until they were a tiny voice drowned out by the inaudible buzz that numbed him'

Sam quickly threw on his pajamas and slipped into bed, letting the blanket cover him like a small fort, letting his misery fade into sleep

It hurt

Why did it hurt so much

Sam clenched his eyes shut as he was dragged out of sleep by the pain. He could do this. Dean was still sleeping and sam peeked at the clock. 6:34. School did not start until 8:30 so there was some time before they needed to be leaving. Sam wanted nothing more than to lie in bed all day but he knew what would happen if he didn't show up to Mr Simmons' class. Before he could let his thoughts wonder any further into that direction he slipped into the bathroom and stripped before turning on the shower and letting the hot water course through him.

would he ever be clean?

It was not long after that there was a knock on the door followed by a gruff "hurry it up, let's get going." and Sam turned off the water and slipped into his change of clothes.

After Dean himself took a shower they headed out to the old 1984 pickup trick that Bobby had "loaned" Dean for his first vehicle. Sam slipped into the passenger side wincing as the seat made contact with his sore bottom. The early September air was chilly and Sam pulled his coat tighter around him shivering as Dean cracked the engine.

The engine in return simply made a sad whining sound

"Fuck" Dean growled, turning the key again. This time the engine growled to life and Dean placed the vehicle into drive "Guess getting this baby checked out is on my list for the weekend." he let out a sigh.

Sam shrugged "I'll help out if you need me" he offered up, hoping to keep Dean from going into a 'mood'

Dean just shrugged but tension did seem a bit lighter. it wasn't often that Sam showed interest in the nuts-n-bolts of mechanics.

They arrived at school and Dean parked, hoping that the truck would run again when the day was over. Sam sat motionless in the passenger seat, frozen in his spot, hands clenched tightly in his lap.

Dean was getting out when he noticed his motionless brother. "Sam? C'mon your classes start before mine."

Sam didn't respond, his breathing had become faster and Dean noticed the tremors that ran up his arm.

"What the hell dude? you sick?" he reached his hand out but Sam flinched erratically at the touch, his focus becoming locked onto Dean.

At the sight of his brother something clicked and Sam went from scared to robotic, sliding out of his seat and out the door, backpack slung over his shoulder. "Fine, I'm fine, just tired. I'll see you after class."

Dean was left hand still mid-air as his brother hurriedly walked away. He pursed his lips, maybe it was just a teenager's mood? most kids don't like school and Sam wasn't the best at fitting in, was he having problems with bullies? It was common in the past for Sam to be targeted and with them in separate buildings Dean couldn't keep an eye on the kid as much as he used to.

Sam pushed all thoughts from his mind as he walked towards the school, taking inspiration from their Dad's "training sessions'' clear your mind, keep your target in sight, don't lose your focus and don't let emotions get in the way. The first few classes seemed to pass by like a movie, he took his notes, answered his test questions, and chatted with his classmates, wondering if anyone could tell a difference. He felt so different than he had just the day before, could people tell how dirty he had become? He avoided touching anyone, avoided tainting them.

He skipped lunch, partly because he didn't want to deal with the socialization but mostly because he still couldn't stomach the thought of eating, and was dreading the bowel movement he felt slowly processing through him. He hadn't taken a shit since…

Mr Simmons let out a moan, Sam couldn't breath as his throat was sieged again and again

No

nothing happened.

Sam took the break in the truck, huddling in the back despite the cold. He considered just staying there the rest of the school day, but that wasn't an option. He had to be brave. Brave like Dean, or Dad, put all that emotion away and he could get through this. He had to. At least till they left town.

It was in this mindset that Sam slipped into the seat for his last class of the day, Math with Mr Simmons. Sam felt his heart pound, so loud and so fast he wondered if he was going to pass out. Mr Simmons taught like normal, eyes not even lingering on Sam and Sam let a small amount of hope kreep in. Maybe he had forgotten, maybe today would be different. The bell rang and Sam got up to go, gathering his books and bending over to place them in his bag.

"Excuse me, Mr Winchester a moment?"

Sam felt his stomach drop, he didn't turn to greet the professor, his hand hovering, holding his textbook mid-air.

Breath

"My brother- he's waiting." Sam managed to whisper, his tone barely wavering which he was a bit proud of. The rest of the kids had left the classroom leaving Sam and the older man alone.

"The highschool won't be out for another 30 minutes Sammy." Sam could hear the sweetness in the man's voice and his stomach turned. He heard footsteps and held his breath as he felt the warm hand caress his arm.

"You are so beautiful." the man leaned down, his breath hot on Sam's neck as he breathed deeply. Hands rubbing along Sam's arms.

"You're disgusting." Sam returted, feeling the smallest bit of pride at his courage.

The man simply laughed "If I'm disgusting for liking you, what does that make you.?" he took Sam's arm and guided him towards the back of the class, Sam submitted _push the emotions away, focus on the job. _

"Come, just like we practiced and no one has to know." The man sat on one of the chairs, spreading his legs wide. Sam stood frozen, eyes glued to the man's bulging pants. push them away. Focus

"Dean seems like a good brother, seems like he would do anything for you hmm?" Mr Simmons stroked his chin in mock pondery "I bet he would take your place, do whatever I asked to keep you from getting seperated huh?"

Those words sparked Sam into action. Robotically he knelt, the cold linoleum soothing against his legs as he unzipped the man and leaned forward. Push them away, focus on the job, concentrate

in and out

Don't choke

breath

in and out

hurts

breath

Breath

Sam ignored the throbbing, ignored the moans, ignored the way the man arched his back and ignored the taste, the texture. He wasn't there and this wasn't happening nothing's happening

"I think that's all for today Sam, you're probably still sore from yesterday huh?" The man stroked Sam's cheek as Sam knelt, eyes unfocused, face expressionless. "I did bring you a little present though, something a buddy of mine gave me."

Sam looked up to see the Man rummaging in a messenger bag and pulling out a needle and small sealed vial. He suctioned up some liquid into the syringe and held out his hand. "Give me your arm Sam, it won't' hurt I promise.

Sam pulled away, protecting his arms across his chest. "No."

"Has 'no' really meant anything to me? I wasn't really asking Sam, you know the consequences if I'm unsatisfied with our arrangement."

Sam clenched his eyes shut push it aside he held out his left arm, hating the tremors that ran through it, and hating how gently, how affectionately the man took it. Without hesitation the needle was plunged in and the liquid inserted.

"Don't worry Sam, this will help with the pain I promise." The man released Sam who quickly stood, making his way to his school bag. "Sam, tell your brother that you're going to be staying late after school this week, Tutoring or detention I don't care what you say."

"Dean won't like it if I-"

"Sam" the man's voice grew hard. "You tell him, or I will."

Sam shuddered and nodded "Yes sir." He hesitated briefly, waiting to see if there was anything else before slipping out the door.


There is the end of Chapter one, please let me know your thoughts it makes a hude difference in my life knowing people enjoy what i write.