Father's Day
To all parents out there.
"I'll have Alfred see about an appointment", Batman said as he parked in the cave, the Batmobile sliding perfectly into its usual space.
Sat next to him in the car, staring forward and immobile, Damian – Robin – grunted something that sounded like an annoyed whatever.
"First thing in the morning", Bruce proceeded. "I'll drive you."
Damian was already opening the door, slamming it shut behind him, no sign he had heard his father's last comment – though Bruce was pretty sure the boy had, in fact, heard him perfectly.
Batman took his time inside the car, watching as Robin made his way through the cave and headed to the shower. Even from a distance, he could make out the red spots of blood that stained the boy's uniform, a trail of crimson on his collar, right shoulder and chest. He had sort-of-kindda cleaned his face, but his chin was still pinkish from it, and his mouth was obviously swollen, his upper lip already distinctively purple from an evident, large bruise. As he passed by the medical bay, Damian dropped something on the metal tray, his expression something between anger and disgust; then, turning to the showers, he almost bumped into Selina Kyle – his father's on-and-off girlfriend and the vigilant known as Catwoman –, who was coming down the stairs from the Manor:
"Oh, hey Damian…", she begun, halting suddenly as she gazed at the boy's face and expression. "Oh, geez, what happened…?"
Robin didn't dignify that with an answer, simply quickening his pace to reach the changing room, leaving Selina behind.
"Don't mind him", Batman said as he made his way to her. "Rough night."
"Someone was roughed up alright…"
Bruce carefully removed his cowl, exposing his sweaty, tired, but otherwise unscathed face. Selina smiled:
"You had better luck than the kid, I see." Approaching him, she placed a light kiss on his lips, one he returned heartly.
"It was all it was: luck."
He glanced at the medical bay, locating the thing Damian had left on a sterilized tray: a tooth. It was clean and unfractured, Bruce noticed with relief; his son's right front incisor, roots still intact, no shards or broken tips. There was a chance, at least, that a good dental surgeon would be able to restore it.
"Do tell." Selina was right next to him, an arm around his biceps, head on his shoulder.
"Not much to tell, to be honest." He sighed, now turning to finally look at her. She was on casual clothes, even though it was nearly 4 A.M.. Probably hadn't slept, Bruce pondered – he knew she was rarely able to go to bed before he arrived from patrols, or even before dawn. As Catwoman, Selina was a night creature as much as he was, as she had lived most of her adult life as either a very successful thief or a reluctant crime-fighter, depending on the moment one asked. Old habits die hard, he mused. Placing his hands on her waist and bringing her closer to him, he kept talking:
"It was a simple robbery: a gang that has been active for a few months. They had pulled off two big heists, one in Metropolis, the other in Opal City. Tonight, they thought they could score big in Gotham City Metropolitan Bank. The main vault…"
"Oh… The main vault, hm?"
"Yes", he agreed just as he frowned – Bruce knew too well what the interjection meant. Only one individual had been able to break through the Metropolitan Bank's main vault for decades, and it had been Catwoman, years ago. "They were misinformed. Unprepared for the job."
"Amateurs", she said playfully.
"No, they were actually very resourceful… they even had bought weapons and equipment from the Intergang. If I hadn't been aware of their plans, they might have succeeded… eventually."
"Well, 'eventually' is a chance no criminal can count on in Gotham…"
He didn't reply to that. Taking her hand and entwining their fingers, he kept talking:
"It was obvious, though, that they had no idea about the level of security in the vault. We took our time, Robin and me. We watched and assessed carefully all the weapons, how many people in their team, their abilities and roles. It was supposed to be easy…"
"You were taken by surprise, though?" She anticipated. "They had backup or…"
"They didn't", Bruce quickly corrected. "In fact, everything went smoothly. We jumped them when they were already tired, anxious, distracted. Their plan was crumbling, and they were edgy. Twelve guys, and we dropped eight of them in mere twelve seconds."
"Then why…"
"That was the thing… it was easy. Simple." Pursing his lips, Bruce gazed at the tooth on the tray again. "Robin got confident… too confident. Even cocky…"
Selina couldn't hold back a smile. "Kids. They'll be like that."
Bruce didn't find it amusing:
"He didn't notice one of them reaching for an energy rifle. So close… It was so close, Selina. He had it pointed at Damian's face. He pulled the trigger…"
It had happened an hour before, but Batman had reenacted it a thousand times in his mind, and the thing that got him every time was the pure sense of dread he felt piercing his chest at that moment. The gun. The trigger. Damian oblivious to that, until the moment in which he realized it and tried to act, horror in his features. It would never work. He would be killed. He wouldn't be able to dodge or get to the man in time.
Selina stared at him in anticipation. "And…?"
"I managed to throw a batarang at the energy capsule of the rifle. Didn't know if it would work. Didn't know if it was too late…"
"It wasn't. Too late, I mean." Gently, she wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his chest. "The kid is fine. He's okay."
"Hm. Not really. When the rifle choked, the man used it to hit Damian. I think Robin was in shock, perhaps still trying to make sense of the fact that he was still alive… he didn't react. Not in time, at least. He managed to avoid being hit on the head, but still got hit hard on his mouth…"
"Hence the tooth." Selina was now staring at the metal tray, frowning as she finally made sense of the quick exchange between her and Damian, minutes before. "No wonder the kid was upset. Guess he won't be smiling for the next few days…"
Bruce didn't find it amusing. He took a deep, slow breath, feeling the weight of Selina's head against his chest:
"I was hard on him. After, I mean. Too hard."
Once the man was down, Batman had approached Robin – his son – and grabbed his face, assessing the damaged. His rational mind had read the situation quickly: the injury was painful, probably, but not serious. Lots of blood, but that was expected. A loosen tooth, yes, but that could be remedied. He would be bruised, upper lip busted – all considered, Damian would be fine in a few days. It could have been worse, Batman's mind screamed, so much worse.
Words came out of his mouth like a cold shower of reprimands, an automatic and emotionless list of wrong actions and foolish movements. He spoke harshly, his coldness sharper than words would sound if said in rage. It wounded the boy, he realized at some point; he saw how Damian seemed to crouch onto himself, shoulders tense, back slightly bend, avoiding his father's eyes and freezing his features in a detached expression. Maybe he did learn something, Batman had privately considered. He was mildly pleased for a few seconds, until the moment he realized he hadn't even asked the boy if he was alright.
Presently, he felt Selina's soft palms against his face, as she forced his eyes on hers.
"You were scared, Bruce."
He forced saliva down his constricted throat:
"That's no excuse."
"I know. It was not ideal, sure. But you can tell him you're sorry."
"Again. Tell him again how I was not able to be a father for him… just Batman."
"Yeah", Selina nodded, caressing his nape. "Again."
She smiled, however, and Bruce couldn't help thinking how reassuring the sight was.
"You were a father, Bruce. The father you know how to be. You can do better, yeah. We all can. But Damian knows you love him, and knows you want to protect him. Whatever happened, it can be fixed."
He waved his head in incredulity:
"Can it? I've made so many mistakes with him… with all the boys. Dick, Jason, Tim… As much as I try to be better, it just feels like I'm making the same mistakes…"
"Parents always make mistakes. You are no different." She took his hand and ungloved it, bringing his punished knuckles close to her face and brushing them lightly against her cheek, not unlike a cat would do. "But even in this crazy life, this messy situation, Bruce… you're here. You are still here."
"I don't know… I sometimes wonder if I'm not making it worse for them."
"There's always tomorrow. As long as you have another day, you have another chance of making it right." She kissed his hand. "Take Damian to the dentist tomorrow. Talk to him. Be there for him."
He nodded. "I will."
As silence fell on them, Bruce once again pulled Selina to himself, wrapping his arms around her. Breathing in her scent, he finally felt those feelings of uneasiness and turbulence slowly washing away.
"I know you think you're not a good father, Bruce", she whispered through their embrace, "but you're wrong."
He didn't say anything in response to that – there was nothing to say. His only instinct was to contradict her, but felt there was no point in doing it now. She wasn't over, he knew.
"We lost our parents so early in life… no wonder you don't know exactly how to navigate this. But kids, they don't come with instructions. You're brave, Bruce… despite everything that has happened, you never took the easy way out, you never left those boys alone. And whenever they chose to leave… you never closed the door on them. It was always open. You were always there."
"Not abandoning them is hardly something to praise… it's an obligation."
She turned on his arms to face him, so close together that her forehead touched his nose as she spoke:
"Yeah, maybe… but that was not all. Because you kept your heart open too. They might not realize it, they don't see it as I do – they are just kids. But I see it, Bruce. I see how you are always trying to be better."
"I do try", he confessed in muttered words, "but I don't always succeed."
"Don't you see how they look up to you? How much they want to be around you… how much they love you?"
"That's on them. That's because they don't give up on me!"
"And because you are their father. One they are proud of." Standing on her toes, she reached his lips for a kiss. "It's the trying that counts, Bruce. That's what being a parent is: trying your best every day."
For the first time that night, he allowed himself a brief half-smile. "That's what you think, hm? That I should be given another chance, yet again?"
"You have all the chances still. The boys are still here. So are you."
He gently placed his hand on her lower belly, slightly swollen already:
"And another opportunity will be here pretty soon."
"Yes. Another kid for you to fret about…", she teased.
"I hope to…"
"Don't say it", she interrupted him. "Don't."
"What?"
"I know what you were about to say: that you hoped this baby would be a chance to do it right."
"Well…"
"You are doing it, Bruce. It's just that there isn't a right way. There's only your way, our way."
He pondered for a moment. Then:
"I just want to be better. That's all."
Selina smiled.
"You will. Everyday. Always better tomorrow than you were today. That's all we can hope for." She kissed him again. "Now, let's go to bed. You have an early dentist appointment to make."
