The time Lily got to spend with Sev became less and less as time wore on. Her missions for the Order took her away for days at a time and they would lie low in tents, spying on the death eaters whose numbers were swelling by the day.
She recognised Mucliber, Wilkes and Avery at one such stakeout. So, these boys really had picked a side then. She wasn't surprised.
She was surprised at how when it came down to fighting, she was actually quite capable.
On one such raid, Moody told them all to act. Rushing out from her hiding place, she fired a stunning spell at Travers before quickly disarming Yaxley who had tried to hit her from behind. Black turned around and punched the man in the face, clearly forgetting he was a wizard, and Moody bound the man's wrists and they brought him in for questioning.
However, for every success, there was an inevitable failure.
Benji Fenwick, a fierce brave fighter, was killed in a battle which apparently Voldemort himself arrived at.
Caradoc Dearborn vanished not long after that.
The battles were getting more and more dangerous.
And something very strange was happening between her and Potter.
The two of them were spending more and more time together. There had been a time recently when they'd been partnered together to spy on a death eater gathering at Malfoy Manor. She had been trembling slightly as they listened to the men attempt to put their sordid schemes into action and Potter had put an arm around her shoulders.
Lily had turned to him. He was looking at her with so much care and concern it was as though he was seeing her for the first time. Or was it that she was seeing him for the first time?
There was an odd feeling of calm in her stomach. She'd never felt that with a boy before. It was as if she were the one being protected for once.
He smiled at her. "It'll be alright." And, gently edging her out of danger, he moved closer to the death eaters' whispered conversation.
"Hello, Lily!" Euphemia Potter greeted her when she went round for Sunday lunch with James' parents one day.
James' family lived in an enormous house in the West Country. Though he spent a lot of time with Sirius in the flat he'd bought a couple of years ago, he appeared to be very close with his family and saw them often.
His parents were absolutely wonderful. Though, like Lily's, they didn't like hearing what he was doing for the Order, they liked hearing just about everything else about him.
"It's really very good to meet you. James has told us so much about you." Fleamont said, smiling at her.
Lily frowned at James who coloured a bit.
"Only stuff about the Order and how great you were in school…" he mumbled.
"Great." Euphemia smiled at him affectionately. "He thought you were wonderful." She told Lily.
It was Lily's turn to colour. "I wasn't anything special…"
James' mum made a 'chuh' sound. "Prefect, head girl, brilliant in your studies, friendly with everyone, even the Slytherins, which I know our James could certainly learn a thing or two about." She rolled her eyes at her son in an affectionate sort of way. "And you're kind and beautiful, which is obvious to anyone who meets you. It sounds like that boyfriend of yours is very lucky to have you."
Lily was having a very strange sensation in her chest and stomach. She knew she was all these things, so why did it feel so alien to be told them? And why was hearing how Sev was lucky to have her making her feel so bad too?
If Sev was lucky to have her, why did he not seem to want to spend any time with her anymore?
It was always Lily who was organising things for the two of them to do. Sev never seemed to want to do anything.
"Just meeting friends." He told her again and again when she asked where he kept going, sometimes for days at a time.
He was still figuring out what he wanted to do in life. Lily knew he wanted to be successful. But the problem was he didn't seem to want to take any of the in-between steps to get there.
"Just get a job at the Leaky Cauldron!" She told him in exasperation one day. "You never know, you might meet someone who recognises your talent and wants to work with you."
But Sev wasn't sure exactly what he wanted to do for work.
Lily knew, and he knew, he was very good at defence. She could never understand why he didn't apply to join the Order of the Phoenix. Wouldn't that be putting his skills to the best use? And he'd be recognised for it? What was it that he wanted exactly?!
To her surprise, Black sat her down one day in James' parents front room for a serious conversation.
"Look," he said, looking anywhere but at her, "I'm not very good at… affairs of the heart." He said, grinning slightly and appearing much more like his usual jokey self for a minute. "But I need to tell you." And he did look at her now. "Sniv-Snape won't change."
Lily stared at him. There was that strange feeling in her chest and stomach again. But she wouldn't listen to it. She couldn't.
Sirius wasn't taking his grey eyes off her. "You need to believe me." He said, in a voice she'd never heard him use before. He was almost pleading with her. "I know blokes like him. Sod it, I grew up with them. Hogwarts wasn't the first time I met Mulciber and Avery. Our families have known each other for years. And my brother…"
Lily continued to stare at him as his eyes filled with tears. "He's dead, Evans." He said. "He died. Probably on death eater duty, I don't know the details. But I thought one day he might change…" he looked at her again. His eyes were fierce now. "They don't."
Lily didn't know what to say. Black, of the four of them, she probably understood the least. Though funny, loyal and brave, he could also be erratic, unpredictable and prone to fierce outbursts. It was like being with a constantly simmering cauldron.
But with his fire came his warmth and affection.
"I'm only saying it because I care." He said, looking away awkwardly. "And if it were me… I'd have wanted someone to tell me."
Lily wondered if James had told Sirius this about his family. She supposed she should admire them both for that. It wasn't easy to leave something so familiar behind like that, especially when for many people family was their entire identity.
Was Sev becoming her identity? She remembered what Bessie had told her once about looking like she'd spent the summer with a dementor. Was she slowly becoming like him?
"I'm glad you're not living together." Sylvie said as she met up with her school friends for drinks one night.
They were in the Leaky Cauldron. It was the four of them and the pub was busy as it was a Friday night.
Lily, Bessie, Sylvie and Mary were sitting at a corner table sharing a bottle of wine and plate of cauldron cakes.
"Thanks, Sylvie." Lily said.
Sylvie and Bessie had never hidden their dislike of Sev from Lily.
"How's it going, working for Dumbledore?" Mary asked quietly.
Mary, Lily knew, had moved back with her parents and was now working in muggle liaison.
Lily wondered if the incident with Mulciber and Avery in their fifth year had shaken her more than she'd let on. She seemed very happy to be back among muggles again, and Lily supposed she'd chosen a career purposefully to support that lifestyle. It made her feel quite sad to think about it.
"It's challenging but worthwhile." She said. She'd told the girls as much as she could about her role in the Order of the Phoenix but of course most of it was highly confidential.
"That's how I feel about healing." Sylvie said. She had, after much to-ing and fro-ing, settled on a career in St Mungo's hospital. She liked to share graphic details with the others about her work, at which she'd already formed a tight social group.
"Whenever a patient comes in with a funny ailment we write it in red so the other healers all get a good laugh too. We pretend we'd just run out of black ink if anyone asks." She laughed. "We had a man come in the other day who'd somehow managed to get a golden snitch stuck up his…"
They were all distracted however by a disturbance near the bar.
Lily turned round just in time to see a hooded man raise his wand and the landlord, Tom, screaming and writing on the floor.
"Expelliarmus!" She shouted at the man who'd cast the spell, but he blocked her. Tom the landlord panted and gasped from the ground.
"What's going on?!" Someone shouted.
"Who are you?!" Another said, getting to his feet and moving forwards.
The man with the wand pointed it at the man who'd challenged him. There was a sound like a gun shot and he went flying backwards, hitting his head hard against the wall. He fell to the ground, unconscious.
There was real panic now. People were getting to their feet and fleeing the pub. Sylvie hurried over to the man who'd fallen and was checking his pulse.
"Come on, Lily!" Mary cried, but Lily wasn't going anywhere.
"Stupefy!" She shouted, aiming at the man who'd attacked, but he heard the spell and blocked her.
He turned to face her now.
It was a death eater. Lily knew it because he was wearing a mask and had his hood pulled up.
He looked over to where Sylvie was crouched on the floor by the unconscious man.
And without really knowing how she knew it, Lily knew exactly what was about to happen next.
"Expelliarmus!" She cried, just as the man yelled "avada kadavra!"
It was as though time stood still.
At the flash of green light, Sylvie spun round. Lily saw her mouth fall open, a hand still on the injured man.
And then, like a snuffed flame, she fell.
"Sylvie!" Lily screamed.
She didn't care what happened to her. She didn't care if she was running into a danger zone. All that mattered right now was Sylvie. The girl she'd known since childhood, whose happy-go-lucky outlook and cheerful optimism had been larger than life.
This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be real.
But Lily could see there was nothing more she could do for her friend.
She spun around, determined to apprehend the attacker. She wouldn't let him get away with this.
But he'd already gone.
Lily took a very long time to console.
She had of course told Sev at once. She'd gone right over to Spinner's End and sat, sobbing on his bed as he put an awkward arm around her.
"It was a death eater." Lily choked. "They were wearing the same mask the death eaters wear. I don't understand." She wept for the hundredth time. "Why would they do that? It was so cruel and senseless!"
"That's death eaters for you." Sirius said grimly when she told the boys what happened. "Their ideals never made any sense to me. I always find it suspicious when someone defends their position with anger… or violence." His expression darkened. "If they really were so sure what they believed was true they wouldn't get so riled up when you challenged them on it, would they?"
James clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder and turned to Lily. "I'm so sorry Evans." And he looked it too. "I promise we'll do all we can to catch the bastard who did it."
There had been so many attacks in recent months that Moody was unable to look at them individually. And so they continued to do what they'd always done - target the source.
"There's a big death eater meeting in Dean Forest tonight." He announced to them all one night in the Hog's Head, which they sometimes used as a makeshift headquarters. "Now tonight's mission is an intel gather only. We want to see who we can recognise. Perhaps if they have long enough to let their guard down they'll take off those stupid masks."
Lily nodded. They already had a fairly good idea of who was in the death eaters and had made several attempts to bring them in for questioning. The only problem was when they turned up at their address they found they all mysteriously forgot what they were supposed to be doing there, which was presumably a protective charm used by the death eaters.
On the occasions they had managed to bring someone in for questioning they were always quickly released by the ministry, making Dumbledore and Moody sure there were undercover death eaters working in the Department for Magical Law Enforcement (or at the very least someone under the imperius curse).
As the death eater numbers continued to swell however, Lily (and Moody) hoped they would succeed in capturing someone who might be less guarded and lead them closer to the core of the operation.
Lily had faced Voldemort twice now. It was rare that he arrived at any fights, but she had been unlucky.
The sight of him was terrifying and he moved in a way that was inhuman somehow, with sudden erratic jerks and a voice that was so soft and deadly it gave her chills.
She wasn't sure if Voldemort was attending the meeting tonight. Would he wear a mask if he was? What was with all the hiding and secrecy from one another in this organisation? Didn't they trust each other?
She hadn't told Sev where she was going. She didn't tell him much about the missions. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, but she supposed it wasn't really any of his business. He'd chosen not to sign up for the Order. What she did for them was nothing to do with him.
Heart pounding, she hid behind a tree with Marlene. There were more death eaters here than she'd ever seen before. She thought she recognised some by their stature, voice or the colour of the hair she saw from beneath their masks.
Others she had no idea. Especially as very few members of the group actually spoke.
There were a few who seemed to lead the gatherings. At this one in particular it was the Lestranges, Malfoy, Travers and Yaxley.
What they spoke about made Lily feel sick to listen to. It was cruel, evil stuff. All about the purification of wizarding society and the new structure they sought to put in order, with purebloods like themselves at the top. The means they were prepared to use to achieve their ends appeared to be unlimited.
"And if that mudblood-loving fool Dumbledore protests, he goes the same way they do!" Lestrange was shouting now, to general applause.
"Hear hear!" Came a voice close by Lily.
She froze. She knew that voice.
She felt a strange sense of unreality as her eyes fell on the person standing just feet from her.
His figure was familiar, the way he held himself, the way he supported one elbow with a hand as he applauded. The dark hair poking out from beneath his mask…
She felt suddenly faint. This couldn't be happening. Sev couldn't be here. Listening to this. Agreeing with this.
"Lily? Are you alright?" Marlene whispered beside her.
Lily wasn't alright. She was shaking all over. "I need to leave." She said.
"We can't leave." Marlene hissed back.
Lily sunk to the floor. The world was spinning around her. She thought she might even be sick.
Who was this person who had joined this meeting here in the woods? Who was the person who had voiced his agreement to Lestrage's words? Who supported the ideals of a group that Lily had lost a best friend at the hands of?
She was only vaguely aware that she was crying. She was only vaguely aware that the meeting had ended. The loud cracks as the death eaters disappeared barely even registered with her.
"I don't know what happened." She heard Marlene say as if from a long distance away. "I think she might have seen someone she recognised…"
"Snivellus." Came a voice and then there was another figure crouched down in front of her.
She looked up, tears pouring down her face, to see James Potter.
"Oh Evans." He said weakly, pulling her into an embrace.
She let herself be comforted by him. It was strange, hugging a boy other than Sev like this, and it didn't help with the torrent of confusion now flooding every cell of her body.
James pulled away and looked her directly in the eye. "Do you see it now?"
Lily nodded. Yes. Finally, eventually, at long last, she did.
