Harry awoke the next morning feeling worse for wear. His eyes are sore and scratchy from the crying he'd done the night before and he'd overslept, leaving the dormitory very much empty and silent.
He was at least thankful it was a Sunday, and he didn't have to attend classes and see his guardian. He was hurting just as bad as he had been the night before and he was positive, nothing the man could say to him was going to change that.
Harry pulled on some jeans and a jumper before heading down the stairs and to the common room where Hermione and Ron were sitting at their usual table by the windows.
Harry felt his stomach drop slightly as he saw Ron was holding the map Harry had found in Lupin's drawer the night before, in broad daylight for anyone and everyone to see.
"Ron, put it away." Harry hissed as he got closer.
"It's fine, no one knows what it is anyway." Ron replied as he watched Harry take a seat next to him.
"I think you should give it back Harry. It's too dangerous to have on you right now, especially with everything going on with Sirius Black. Professor Lupin is going to realise at some point that it's missing." Hermione said.
If Harry was honest with himself, everything Hermione had just said was true but what if the map just turned out to be harmless fun. It was probably a Zonko's product for all they knew, Remus wasn't going to be too worried about something like that going missing.
"I think it's up to Harry what he wants to do with it." Ron commented. "Besides, it's just given us its first clue on how to open it."
"It did?" Harry asked, astounded as he looked at the map in Ron's hands.
"Yep, it's what we've been doing all this time waiting for you to wake up. It's just given us the number nine." The red-head replied as he held out the map for Harry to take.
Harry took the map and read the new words written on the front.
He racked his brain to try and figure out what the map could possibly be trying to tell them but he came up short; his best friends looked just as confused.
The trio sat there for a while, trying to find some sort of solution until Hermione announced that she'd take the map and attempt to figure it out; although she was quick to remind the boys that she still thought this was a bad idea.
Harry and Ron had just agreed that they were going to go on a walk round the grounds when a note came flying through the portrait and landed on the table in front of Harry.
The teen knew without a moment's hesitation that the handwriting on the front was that of his guardians. He exchanged a worried look with Ron before picking it up and pondering whether to open it.
"What? What is it?" Ron asked when he saw Harry's apprehension.
"It's from Lupin."
Ron gulped before biting the inside of his cheek; he leaned back on his chair and pulled a worried face at his best friend. He knew if he'd ever done something like this, his mother would've sent him a howler when she found out. Lupin, however, did not seem to be that kind of a person, from what he'd experienced from the Professor's lessons.
"You are going to have to open it at some point Harry." Hermione contributed.
Harry turned over the envelope and opened the tab. He felt like his heart rate was beating at ten times the normal rate.
He knew the man would likely realise at some point that it was missing but he certainly did not expect it to be so soon. His eyes scanned the note quickly before he instantly left out a loud sigh of relief.
"He just wants me to come down and start learning how to repel the dementors."
"Thank Merlin," Ron replied as he saw Harry's shoulders visibly relax, "that's pretty cool, right?"
"Yeah, I suppose so; I just don't particularly want to see him right now. Did Ron tell you about it all?" Harry asked Hermione.
"Yes, Ron told me about the photo, but Harry, if you want to keep this all a secret, you can't go and make a scene with Lupin."
"No, I know." Harry replied. He was positive that this was going to be the hardest part. He couldn't help but see the irony at being angry with his guardian for hiding something from him while he was doing the same thing. He didn't like it, but he knew he had no other choice. "Well, I've got to go. I'll see you guys later."
The pair said goodbye as Harry stood up from the table and headed down the classroom where Lupin said he'd be waiting.
"The Patronus Charm is very advanced magic; it requires you to think of your happiest memory and you have to allow it to fill you up."
Harry nodded at the man. So far he'd managed to mutter eight words to him and as far as he was concerned, it was eight words too many.
"I want you to think of a time that you've never felt happier; the memory that fills you up with joy."
Harry thought hard for a moment, there were a few that came to mind. When he first arrived at Hogwarts, when he first rode a broom, seeing his parents in the mirror of Erised or even his childhood memories with Remus – they all seemed like happy memories even if a couple of them were more on the complicated side.
"Have you got it?" Lupin asked.
Harry nodded at the man once more as he raised his wand; he decided to go with the first time he arrived at Hogwarts.
He watched as Remus opened the chest and released the boggart; Harry raised his wand high and spoke the incarnation multiple times. He attempted to focus on the memory, but his mind was conflicted with the fact that he was angry with his guardian. He yelled the spell once last time before feeling everything turn black and there was a woman's scream again, but this time he heard a second voice yelling at her to move out of the way.
He quickly came around to Lupin shaking him gently. Harry opened his eyes and realised he was on the floor; he'd fainted just like the last time.
"I didn't think you'd get it the first time, not to worry though." Remus said as he smiled at the boy.
When Harry didn't give a smile back, Lupin's suspicions that something was wrong felt like they were confirmed. He had experienced Harry being upset with him plenty of times before now, but he was usually more open with the reasoning behind his low mood. This time felt different.
"What is bothering you? This isn't about me not letting you fight the dementor again, is it?" Remus asked, taking a seat on the desk in front of him.
"No, why?" That was two more words; Harry mentally kicked himself.
"You seem unusually quiet." The man replied, "here eat some chocolate, we can try again if you'd like."
"Just tired." Harry responded as he took the square of chocolate the man offered.
"Make sure you get an early night tonight then; I'm not going to have you falling asleep in my class tomorrow." The man joked as Harry offered the smallest of smiles in return.
Remus left like enough was enough. There was clearly something bothering the child and he wanted to get to the bottom of it.
"If there's something wrong or upsetting you, I'd like to know what it is. Remember what I said yesterday about how you can tell me anything, no matter how minor?
"I remember; I promise I'm fine Remus." Harry looked at his guardian to solidify his comment.
"I don't believe you." Lupin replied bluntly as Harry felt himself withdraw a shallow breath, "but I'm not going to push you to tell me right now. If and when you want to, I am always ready to listen."
Harry released the small breath he'd taken as he nodded at the man's comment. He really didn't want to lie to Lupin; the man had treated him so well and he felt like he was almost betraying that. He was upset that his guardian had lied to him, but the teen reminded himself he was doing the same thing in return.
"I've got to go to Quidditch practise." Harry eventually replied. He'd been keeping an eye on the clock since he'd arrived; thankful that he at least had a reason not to send the entire afternoon with the man.
"I'll walk you out." Lupin offered, "in fact, I have no plans for the afternoon, I will come and watch you play; it has been some time since I've seen you fly."
Harry resisted the urge to groan at Remus's offer. Hermione's words of not making a scene were ringing through his head as he continued making it clearly obvious that something was wrong. He thought he would easily be able to fool Lupin into not suspecting a thing; but, as usual, his readable facial expressions had given him away.
"Okay," Harry finally replied as he walked under his guardian's arm that held the large oak door open.
The pair walked in almost complete silence until they reached the Quidditch pitch when Harry announced that he needed to go to the changing room.
Remus took a seat in the stands, watching his young teen as he departed. Concern for his child was his only thought as some of the other Gryffindor players began to emerge from down below.
Harry walked into the changing room and instantly felt like a small weight had been lifted from his shoulders; with Lupin gone for a bit, Harry didn't have to feel so guilty about lying to the man.
The practise mainly consisted of Oliver Wood lecturing the team on how Slytherin play and how to defend. Harry had found himself yawning uncontrollably multiple times which earned him a stern glare from the captain. The teen couldn't help but think that the practise must've been awfully boring for his guardian to watch.
A couple of times, Harry had caught a few glances up at the man who was currently reading a book; it never failed to surprise Harry the number of times the man could be found with a book in hand.
After what felt like an eternity, Oliver announced that they'd been putting the tactics into practise; not that Harry could remember a single thing the captain had said. His mind was too focused on a hundred and one other things and seekers mainly worked alone anyways; as far as Harry was concerned, he didn't even need to be at this practise.
Oliver released the snitch, bludgers and quaffles as the team mounted their brooms and pushed off into the air as Harry mounted his Nimbus 2000 and flew up to rest a few meters above the other players.
He was pleasantly surprised that his broom felt just the same as when he'd first gotten it. However, he couldn't help but feel little envious of the Firebolt he'd seen in the shop window of Diagon Alley a few weeks back. He'd have to ask Lupin if he could save up his money to buy one or maybe -
"HARRY, CONCENTRATE!" Oliver yelled as he watched the snitch fly across his seekers face.
Harry snapped out of his daydream as Oliver was glaring at him from a few feet away, "you could cost us the match if you start daydreaming!"
"Sorry!" Harry called out as he looked over at his guardian who was watching him like a hawk. The teen turned his broom away and began to fly a bit higher up the pitch.
He waited at his higher position for a little while as he watched the practise continue below him. Then, just when he was beginning to grow bored, the tiny golden snitch flew a couple meters away from the tip of his broom. The ball was heading even further up in the sky that was thick with clouds.
Harry decided to chase, rather than wait for it to come back down. He had nothing better to be doing during the practise; he may as well practise catching the ball.
As he flew up, the clouds were growing thicker and thicker; so much so, that Harry struggled to see five meters in front of him. He lost sight of the snitch and was just about to admit defeat when a black cloaked figure flew in front of him
Harry felt his body tense as he raced to fly down to a more visible altitude; the dementor continued to follow him as two others joined.
Harry felt himself go cold and he felt faint, just like every other time he had met the vile creatures.
The quidditch pitch was coming back into his view as he began to feel as though the world was spinning.
There was no doubt in his mind that he was about to faint, yet again, at the hands of the dementors. He only hoped someone was seeing him struggle as he felt his grip fail and began free falling to the ground.
He heard the scream for the second time that day as well as a male voice who, once again, yelled at her to move. This time however, Harry heard the man bellow 'Avada Kedavra' before everything went black...
"Good afternoon cub."
Harry had just opened his eyes; he knew from the very distinct smell that he was in the hospital wing for the second time already that year. The teen let out a groan as he rubbed his hand on his head; the pain was minor but noticeable.
"Do you need a pain reliever for your head? It took quite the knock when you hit the ground. I'm sure your back will be hurting too."
Harry finally looked up at his guardian who was sitting by his bed. The man looked worried; frown lines were deeply ingrained on his forehead as he began rummaging in his cardigan pocket.
"No - It's fine," Harry mumbled, barely above a whisper.
"Eat some chocolate," Lupin offered as usual. "Are you sure you don't want a potion? You fell at least 20 feet."
Harry went to shake his head before he realised a niggling pain in his lower back. "Actually, yeah, could I have one please."
The man nodded as he stood, "I'll be right back, okay."
Harry nodded as he lay back down and pulled the covers up to his neck. He couldn't believe he'd fainted again! No one else was targeted like this by the dementors and no one else had fainted at the hands of them. He felt frustrated, more frustrated than he had done at the start of the day and that was saying something.
In the first few moments when Harry came around, he'd forgotten he was supposed to be angry at Lupin; the man's visibly worried facial expressions were enough to make Harry want to be sick. He wanted to tell the man everything; he didn't like being angry at him. The teen decided that he couldn't stand it anymore, it felt like the guilt was eating him alive.
He heard approaching footsteps; it was now or never.
"Remus, I gotta tell you -" Harry started to whisper before the man accidently cut him off.
"I want you to stay in our quarters tonight. You took quite a hit to your head, and I don't want you roaming the halls tonight should you feel ill and need another potion."
Harry sat up and took the potion that the man held out for him as he swirled the contents. The courage he'd felt only moments ago had vanished. He'd spoken too quietly for the man to hear; the moment had passed.
"Take it Harry, you'll feel better for it."
Harry took a deep breath as he gulped the potion down in one, before handing the vial back to the man.
"What actually happened?" Harry questioned, as he lay himself back down again.
"Three dementors made their way into the grounds and began targeting you, again" the man added at the end. "As you fainted, you fell off your broom and I had to cast a charm to slow you down, albeit not entirely as your head and back still hit the ground faster than we all expected."
"Oh," Harry replied rather bluntly; embarrassed that he'd now become an attraction that everyone had watched.
"It is more important than ever to work on your Patronus charm to protect yourself, and I will demand a meeting with Professor Dumbledore to discuss the dementors as clearly they are out of control."
Harry nodded at the man before turning onto his side so that he had his back to him.
"If you want a nap, I can ask Madame Pomfrey if she'll allow me to take you down to our quarters." Remus stole a look behind the curtain, looking for the Mediwitch. "Apart from your head and back, nothing else is hurting you, correct?" Remus looked at his child intently.
"No," Harry replied honestly.
He waited for the man to return with the good news that he could leave as the teen slipped his shoes on, following Lupin out of the hospital wing and down to his room in their quarters.
Hours had passed since arriving back in their quarters, Harry had swiftly removed himself from the man's company as he announced that he was feeling tired and was going to have a nap; leaving Lupin on his own.
The man had sat in his armchair planning some more of the lessons he was going to have next week but his mind seemed everywhere but on the work, he was attempting to complete. He had hoped bringing the boy down to their quarters might enable him to get to the bottom of the teens low mood.
He had written to Professor Dumbledore a couple hours ago, and the reply had been instant. The man was out of the castle for the evening and said that he would arrange a meeting for the following evening.
Despite Remus's anger at the dementors targeting Harry, yet again, he struggled to find himself angry at Dumbledore. He had told Remus that he'd attempted to have them removed multiple times from the school but each and every time, the ministry declined his request. Lupin himself was unsure of what else the teaching staff could do about the dementors.
The man did have one suggestion for his own ward; however it would undoubtedly make his thirteen year old less than thrilled. He'd thought about asking Harry to stay inside and not venture anywhere near where the dementors were stationed, but that could mean that the teenager would not be allowed to play quidditch or even visit Hagrid who lived on the outskirts of the grounds. Lupin knew that there was no way the teen would agree to such harsh restrictions and so pushed the suggestion out of his mind instantly.
Remus gathered his notes together and placed them in his satchel that was hanging on the back of the dinning chair. He then turned on the kettle and decided to make himself a hot chocolate, the muggle way.
He placed the powder into a mug, poured in the water and milk and stirred them together before banishing the spoon away. With a click of his fingers, he summoned his house elf, Nipa, who had been assigned to serve both himself and Harry.
"Yes, Master Lupin?" The little elf asked as she appeared in front of him.
"Could you please check whether Harry is still asleep in his room; I don't want to wake him by opening the door."
"Certainly Sir," The little elf replied as she disappeared for a matter of seconds before reappearing in the same spot. "He is still sleeping Sir."
Lupin sighed. "Could you deliver Harry a small plate of sandwiches, should he wake during the night and find himself hungry please."
The elf nodded before disappearing a final time, leaving the professor alone once more. He couldn't help but worry how Harry had slept most of the evening away and that he might wake up during the early hours of the morning.
In the same breath however, the boy could just be exhausted and need longer than his usual eight or so hours of sleep. Lupin reminded himself that he'd never fallen twenty feet, so wouldn't know how exhausting it might have been for the teen.
Perhaps the boy's lack of sleep was the reason he had been so off with him today, Lupin thought. He racked his brain for any other reason as to why the teen was so down. The term had only just begun so it was unlikely to be stress from schoolwork, and he was near positive it wasn't anything he'd done to upset the child; they had only had a few hours together since the new term, any issues that had arisen so far, the pair had talked about it and moved on.
Remus hoped the boy would wake up feeling better and much more refreshed.
The man picked up the mug of hot chocolate from the table and walked back over to his beloved armchair that was unofficially his. He hadn't even had a few seconds to himself to look at the new Daily Prophet newspaper yet, but he was sure he could guess what, or rather, who was on the front page.
He picked up the paper from the small stack that sat by the fireplace ready to be used for the fire during the winter and opened it up fully.
His guess was, of course, correct; the only image on the front page was that of the escaped prisoner Sirius Black who Remus had once called his best friend.
If there was one thing that Lupin would regret for the rest of his life, it was that he didn't immediately go and find Sirius, the moment he knew what had happened to his other best friends, James, and Lily. He knew that he was the only one who could calm Sirius down when he was angry; he was the only one Sirius ever actually listened to.
James and Sirius, as close as they were, were both extremely strong headed and would argue almost daily before making up around an hour later. Lupin on the other hand had a number of qualities that neither of his best friends possessed. For the most part, he was calm and extremely patient however he was a worrier and tended to stay out of Sirius and James's misbehaviour.
Lupin smiled to himself as he realised the similarities of the teen's father that lived on in Harry. Both were impulsive, driven by mischief and charming. However, Harry was far more sympathetic and understanding than Lupin ever remembered James to be.
The man wanted to tell Harry the endless stories of his father and the mischief the four of them got up to during their time at Hogwarts more than anything, but he knew that telling Harry the whole truth about Sirius and what he allegedly did, was a huge risk. He knew Harry idolised his father; finding out that Sirius was his Godfather and supposedly betrayed James and Lily to Voldemort would not only come as a huge shock but may also lead the teen wanting to seek out Black himself; something Lupin was working hard to avoid.
On the other hand, the teen not knowing and the man keeping it a secret from him could create even more issues. Remus felt like he was trapped and whatever decision he made, could lead to disastrous outcomes.
The man drank the few remaining sips of his hot chocolate before placing it on the coffee table in front of him and returning the newspaper to the stack, but not before taking one last glimpse at the front cover of the escaped prisoner.
To this day, the man still struggled to believe that Sirius, who loved James more than anyone, would betray his best friend. Sirius wasn't like the rest of his family, and he was more than happy to be disowned by them. He would have liked nothing more than to never have to talk to his parents again, so much so, he ran away to live with James when he was sixteen after an argument.
Lupin often wished he'd offered up himself to be the Potter's secret keeper; everyday he thought about how different everything could have been.
The man picked up the, now empty, mug and placed it in the sink. With a flick of his wand, the lights in the small living room turned off, as he walked down the hall to his room.
The man was just about to open the door to his bedroom when he heard soft sobbing coming from Harry's room. He practically ran the few steps it took to the child's door before pushing it open and casting 'lumos' at the small bedside lamp that sat next to Harry's bed.
Lupin walked over to the teen who was tangling in his blanket as he tossed and turned, tears streaming down his face as he was half-wake; his face turned a light shade of pink when he realised his guardian had walked into the room.
"I'm sor-sorry" Harry blurted out, as he frantically attempted to wipe his tears away.
"What on earth are you apologising for cub?" Remus replied as he walked over to the boy and knelt down beside the bed.
"For disturbing y-you," Harry hiccuped. He was beyond embarrassed that the man had just witnessed him crying like a blubbering toddler.
"You don't need to apologise about that Harry; what are these tears about?" Lupin replied as he moved up to sit next to Harry at the top of the bed.
"Nothing - just a stu-stupid dream."
"It can't be that stupid if it's upset you. You know, us adults still have nightmares sometimes, it's certainly nothing to be embarrassed about." The man comforted as he moved his arm behind Harry's back, allowing the boy to lean into his chest.
"Do you?" Harry asked. He had finally managed to get his tears under control and felt himself taking a few deep breaths to regulate his heart rate.
"Yes, I had one the other night. It was about the full moon; what was yours about, huh?"
Harry was more than shocked at the man's words. He often had nightmares and until now, believed he was the only one. He had never told anyone, although a couple times Ron or Neville had woken up to Harry's sleep talking but they were usually too tired to remember witnessing it.
"The dementors," Harry spoke softly, "I heard the woman screaming again today and -" he paused as Lupin's face began to resemble the same worried face he'd seen in the hospital wing earlier, "and I heard a man this time too, he said the killing curse and, in my dream, the dementors were chasing me; I didn't want to hear all that again."
"Oh cub," Lupin whispered as he pulled the boy into a tight hug; he didn't particularly care that he was a thirteen-year-old teenager who would usually rather die than hug their parents, all he wanted was to make Harry feel safe and cared for.
The man had a suspicion about what the child was seeing whenever he fainted, but he only hoped he was incorrect. He knew Harry had no conscious recollection of that night, despite witnessing it all but Lupin believed the dementors were forcing him to relive his repressed memories of the trauma. It was another thing he made a mental note to talk to Dumbledore about in their meeting tomorrow.
"I am going to get a calming draught as well as a dreamless sleep potion but I promise I will be right back, okay?"
Harry nodded as he let go of the man, allowing him to gather the things he needed.
Remus went as quickly as he could to his office where he had a cupboard with a small supply of potions; the man grabbed what he needed and headed back to Harry's room to give them to the teen.
Harry shuffled himself over, further to the right, to allow room for his guardian to sit next to him as he noticed the two vials in the man's hands. If there was one thing Harry absolutely hated, it was taking potions.
Lupin took his seat once more as he handed the potions to the teen who pulled a face, "I assume you'd like me to flavour them?"
"Yes please," Harry mumbled as Lupin took the potions from his grasp.
"Chocolate?"
Harry nodded as he watched the man cast two silent spells, before handing the vials back for Harry to drink.
"They will start to work in a few minutes. Did you want to eat some of these sandwiches, I know you didn't eat any dinner. Or do want to discuss your dream some more?"
"I'm not hungry," Harry replied honestly as he harshly wiped his eyes with the back of his hands, "and there's not much else to say."
"Well, one thing is for certain, we need to make sure you can cast the Patronus charm like we talked about earlier, which I will help you work on."
Harry nodded as his guardian continued, "and you need to make sure you aren't putting yourself at any further risk by going near the dementors; always have your wand on you so you can defend yourself, okay?"
"Mmm," Harry replied as he felt his eyes growing heavier. "Did you talk to Dumbledore?"
"Not yet, I have a meeting with him tomorrow evening." Lupin replied as he watched the teen grow increasingly more sleepy. The potions were certainly kicking in.
"Okay," Harry replied as he moved from the sitting position to lay down, under his covers.
The man stood from the bed and tucked the covers around the teen, as he watched Harry riggle around to get comfortable.
Just as the teens eyes were about to close, he muttered a very quiet, but audible, "Love you."
Remus felt his heart warm at his child's words as he gently ruffled the teens hair and replied, "I love you too cub," despite knowing the teen could not hear him as he was fast asleep.
The man flicked his wand, turning the small bedside lamp off as he closed the door quietly and headed to his own room to follow suit.
a/n
Hopefully you enjoyed this chapter; let me know!
