The Bloom


Spring blossomed at Hogwarts with a torrent of rain and wind. Winter had held on for all it was worth, trapping the student body inside for longer than anyone would have like, souring moods and setting everyone on edge. Even Remus, who found it easier to sneak away when everyone was too cold and miserable to notice, had started to grow weary of the never-ending grey skies and freezing air.

But today it was warm and bright and every single student – and a fair number of teachers – had practically sprinted away from the Castle the moment the doors were opened. Remus, who had fancied himself having a bit of a lay in, had been pulled unceremoniously from bed just after dawn by a very motivated Mavis. His protests fell on deaf ears, just as his efforts to dissuade her from joining the throngs of students on the sweeping lawn did, and he found himself huddled on a spare quilt from one of the beds, covered in sun cream, and trying desperately not to get splashed by James as he dived into the lake.

Remus clutched at the book on his lap, eyeing James as he surfaced for just a brief moment before diving under once again.

"There's no telling what's in that water," Mavis said, sunning herself next to him. She was owl-less today, a rare thing indeed, and seemed incredibly glum about that fact. She had forgone her uniform stockings, leaving her shockingly pale legs exposed to the bright sun.

She was going to burn.

He had tried to get her to use some of the sun cream his mother had packed in his bag – over prepared or all things, that woman – but she refused with an affable smile and a nonchalant wave of her hand.

"He isn't the only one risking it," Remus said, moving his gaze away from James to watch as Sirius pushed Peter into the water only a meter or two downwind from them. Remus did not think it was a coincidence that James and Sirius had picked spots right next to each other without actually acknowledging it. They had not been what could really be described as friendly, but the open hostility had seemed to ease ever so slightly.

It had given way to an unbearable competition, but that was still an improvement, and Remus found it more amusing than annoying now.

"I hope the giant squid gets them all," Mavis mused, holding her hand up over her eyes to shield the sun as she looked over at him. She smiled, the usual red of her cheeks now sun chapped. "You don't want to join them?"

There is was again.

That little lilt to her voice that made his chest clench.

Like she was knew she was speaking about a secret that had never actually been said aloud.

But then she turned away, like she always did, and whatever hope he might have had burst.

He sighed and shook his head, looking away from her to hide his expression. Instead, he turned down to the large book on his lap. It had been utterly useless to bring. Mavis had seen to that with her incessant chatter, lack of returned words though there may have been. He had noticed that about her. That she talked just to talk. He had thought, rather cynically, that it was simply because she liked the attention on her, before she realized that it was a sign of discomfort.

The fact that it happened so often with him, the fact that she had a compulsive need to fill so much dead air, did not sit well with him.

But he didn't know how to fix it.

Didn't know how to cross the great divide that existed between them simply because there were secrets that he could not bring himself to share and realities he could not stand to address. If not for himself, which he so desperately wanted to do, then to honor the parents that had given up so much and received so little.

So he let her talk.

And was thankful that she still seemed to consider him a friend all the same.

"What are you reading?"

She sat up, smoothing down her skirt to cover her legs and keep her modesty. He had little doubt such gestures were a pureblood trait. The way her back was always set straight, the way her face always returned to a pleasant neutral, the way she folded her hands – when they were not cradling owlets – in her lap, it all spoke of a world so foreign to him it might as well have come from an alien planet.

"Magical maladies."

"Boils, leaky guts, yellow eyes," She said with a laugh, scooting closer to him to look over the book. "Rather grim for such a nice day."

Yes. Boils, leaky guts, yellow eyes.

Terrible.

But not, strictly speaking, why he had stolen the book when Madame Pomphrey was not looking after the end of the last cycle. He wasn't sure what he hoped to find, as his father undoubtedly read this book a thousand times over, but it still found its way into his book bag all the same.

"'Spose." Remus matched her motions, scooting closer until they were shoulder to shoulder. He pointed to a random section, a smile cracking across his face as she did not take note of how quickly he turned the page away from the other. It made the sun cream bunch up in an uncomfortable way, but he had not yet figured out how to perform the spell to make it unnecessary and he shuddered to think what it would feel like when the full moon rolled around once again without it.

Bursting through one's own skin was miserable enough.

He did not need to add a sun blister to it as well.

"Mumblemumps," He said, pointing to the rudimentary picture of the swollen neck glands outlined on the page.

"Oh how wretched."

"The first person who contracted it mumbled themselves to death."

"I can think of worse ways to die," She said, reaching out to flip the pages for herself. She moved towards the front, pausing, for a brief heart racing moment on the 'L's' before she continued all the way back to the very beginning.

Merlin, he wished she had paused longer.

"Why are you reading?" James called, emerging from the water with mud caked to every inch of his body. His voice was an effected whine as he slogged out of the lake, taking on water in his pockets. "It's the first nice day we've had in months and you two nerds are reading?"

"You know I hate cold water, Jim," Mavis said, tearing gaze away from the book to eye James as he continued his march towards them. Her body tensed, preparing herself, and she just barely had time to push herself back before James launched himself forward and wrapped his dirty arms around her. "James!"

Remus took that as his cue.

Quietly stuffing the book back into his bag, he tried to subtly scoot back from the pair. Her clothes already ruined, Mavis immediately punched James square in the gut. It wasn't hard by any means, but it was enough to get him to back off for the briefest of moments before he pounced on her again, dragging her backwards towards the water.

"James, no," Mavis cried, trying harder to pull back. Despite the fact that she was now yelling, there was no real anger or distress on her face. In fact, when James turned away from her to put the lake in his sights, Remus caught sight of Mavis actually smiling at the back of his head. But her shouting drew an audience and Sirius and Peter, who had given up on the water and were sitting on the bank dripping wet, sat watching the scene unfold.

Remus hesitated, his book bag slung limply over his shoulder, before he made up his mind and dropped it to the ground.

He waved to Sirius and Peter, half panicked that neither would return the gesture, before they both waved back. Sirius's gesture was confident, like he did not care either way if Remus paid him the slightest bit of attention. But Peter's was different. He glanced first at Sirius, checking the taller boy's reaction, before he responded as well.

"Oi, Lupin," Sirius called, face neutral but tone warm and open. He gave Remus a quick once over, dark blue eyes assessing him, before he seemingly decided that whatever was happening with Mavis and James was infinitely more entertaining.

Mavis had managed to wiggle her way out of James' grasp before she used the full force of her body weight to shove him forwards. He crashed face first into the water, sending a wave of water crashing over her front, soaking her through to the bone.

"You toad!"

Mavis launched herself at James, making an impressive arch with her body, before she slammed into him and sent them both crashing into the deeper waters away from the shore.

"Would you look at that," Sirius mused, tilting his head to the side to watch the arms and legs that appeared above the water. "Potter can't even fight off a girl."

"You bit me?!"

The water churned as the pair of them continued to fight. It was an undignified display but Remus couldn't help but laugh at their antics. He had seen it on occasion – enough times at least – to know that they were never really too serious about their fights.

"Give me back my arm!"

"You give me back my hair!"

"Going back inside?" Sirius asked, eyeing the book bag abandoned at his feet.

"Library."

Remus really should go back inside. He could feel his energy waning and the sun starting to get to him.

But he just couldn't do it yet.

Not when he felt so normal.

He had two full weeks

"It can wait," Remus finally said, dropped down to the ground next to Sirius and Peter. Their clothes were both soaked through and they smelled strongly of mud and sweat and Remus really wished he hadn't been able to notice. Instead, he pulled his knees up and settled his forearms on them, content to watch Mavis and James go through the motions of one of their fights again.

"Are they…" Peter started to ask, looking back and forth between Sirius and Remus like they might know the answer to his hanging question.

"Gross, no," Sirius said, eyebrows furrowing together as he considered the unspoken musing. "Now shut up. I'm trying to watch that bird brain kick Potter's arse. I can't very well savor the memory later with you yapping the whole time."

Mavis emerged from the water, clothes hanging heavy on her frame as she stopped past them, muttering under her breath. James remained in the water behind her, face sporting a new red spot that shared a distinctly similar shape to that of Mavis's hand. Still, he smiled broadly at the back of her head.

Smiling, like he knew she would still find him that evening in the Great Hall and they would act like nothing had happened.

Like he knew that there was really nothing he could do to push her too far away.

"Great. You made me miss it."

Remus's stomach squirmed at the idea of a friend that close, of a person that knew everything about him and still wanted more. He was still in shock that he had any acquaintances at all. He could hardly even fathom that sort of loyalty. He knew his parents loved him. He knew it. But he also knew that there was at least some part of them that resented all the complications, all the changes, all the moves. And why wouldn't they? Their lives had been completely upended by what happened to him just as his had been.

Their connection to the rest of the world severed the moment the teeth sunk deep into his skin.

Remus shifted in place.

"It'll happen again," Remus said, speaking before he could stop himself. "They fight all the time."

His entire being screamed out for the simple connection of sitting next to his classmates on the first nice day in months.

"Bloody wankers, the pair of them."

And yet, Sirius made no move to get off the bank and do something better with his day.

No Ravenclaws to outsmart.

No Hufflepuffs to overlook.

No Gryffindors to prank.

And certainly no Slytherins to torment.

Sirius stayed firmly rooted in place, arms crossed over his chest, half-hearted glare on his face as James followed Mavis out of the water. Rather than continuing back towards the castle after her, however, James instead threw himself onto the ground next to Remus, plunging the four of the into an uneasy, though not entirely uncomfortable silence.

"Soooo…"

"Stuff it, Potter."

They remained sitting on the bank until the sun began to set, none of them speaking or making any attempt to fill the silence. The peace was broken when they all stood up to go their houses – James and Sirius snarking at each other the entire way and placing yet another bet saw to that – but it had been enough for Remus.

Because, for just a moment, everything had all felt so normal and for once he was not concerned about a time when it wouldn't.

Perhaps he never would be again.

And why should he?

For all the pain he felt, he also knew that he would always feel normal and happy once again.

Why should he always live his life in anticipation of the bad, when the good – when something as simple as sitting on a soggy lake bank was enough to make his entire body practically buzz with happiness – was so much better?


Remus was in remarkably good spirits after his next transformation, all things considered.

His entire body ached, to be sure, and he had been right about how much worse it would feel with sunburnt skin, but he did not allow himself to linger. When he was freed to leave the infirmary, he practically sprinted, book bag slamming into the back of his legs with each hurried step he took.

He was meeting Peter in the library.

A new occurrence that practically made him want to shout with joy.

Not for Peter, though he liked the Gryffindor boy well enough, but for the simply idea that his number of friends might soon be counted on multiple hands. Perhaps Sirius would decide today was the day to start studying for finals.

Maybe James would as well.

Or Lily.

Or Alice.

Or Frank.

Or maybe all of them at once. A better prospect, Remus could scarcely imagine, and he started to move faster towards the library. Remus turned the corner without slowing down, a smile on his face sooner after his transformation in years. It was already out of his mind – already in the past and a thing to be forgotten about for another month.

He could not w-

Remus slammed into another person, sending them both tumbling to the ground.

He groaned, wincing as the sharped corner of a book dug into his shin on its way down. His book bag spun away from him, the contents flying in every direction and mixing with the other boy's possession. He sat up slowly, massaging the sore spot in his chest where the other's boys head had smacked into him.

"Watch where you're going," the other boy said, drawing Remus's attention over to him for the first time.

Severus Snape.

One of the many classmates he had never actually spoken to. Of course, it was not entirely his fault. James was the only Slytherin that seemed to acknowledge that other houses even existed, let alone be so inclined to spend his time with them. But even that was not from an altruistic, open place.

James hated being Slytherin.

The boy in front of him did not and Remus quickly crawled back to his feet, hackles raised.

"Sorry," Remus said, keeping his eyes on Snape as he tried to catalog all his stuff on the ground.

Books.

Notebooks.

Quills and ink.

Fresh brewed wolfsbane potion.

His entire body ran cold.

Snape scowled at him, looking down at his own scattered belongings and entirely unaware of the reason for Remus's sudden panic. His inky black hair fell into his eyes, concealing most of his dour expression and preventing Remus from watching where his eyes went. Preventing Remus from seeing if he saw the dreamy blue bottle.

Snape tilted his head to the side as he bent down, too busy gathering his own things to notice the way Remus has suddenly turned pale as a ghost.

Or maybe he was already pale.

He had not bothered to look in a mirror before he left the infirmary.

Not bothered to see if he looked anything but normal.

Remus rushed forward, half a second too late to stop Snape from grabbing the small bottle and holding it up in front of his face. His hair fell back, revealing a set of equally dark eyes set back under thick brows, drawn together in confusion. He was taller than Remus, by only a bit, but it was enough to make him feel thoroughly trapped.

"That's…"

He stumbled over his words, brain working faster than his mouth could process.

"Slughorn selected you?"

"What?"

"For the extra credit," Snape supplied, holding up the potion as if it should be obvious.

Which it was not.

But Remus was not so flustered that he would not take a way out when it had been so perfectly presented to him on a platter.

"Yes." The lie did not flow easily, but he hoped he was convincing enough to get Snape to leave it alone.

When he had thrown his desires out into the universe for someone to figure it out, he had done so the faces of James Potter and Mavis Fawley swimming around in his mind – purposefully dumb in that regard though the pair of them seemed to be. Maybe Peter. Maybe Lily or Alice or Frank.

He would even take Sirius.

Anybody but Snape.

Anybody but a Slytherin.

Remus snatched the potion out of his hand and stuff it into his pocket, palms practically drenched with sweat.

"You haven't been getting top marks."

"How could you possibly know that? You have potions with the Ravenclaws."

"Slughorn would have told me if he had another student doing this assignment."

Snape fixed him with a glare and Remus did his level best not to shrink under the intensity. He knew Lily liked this boy – for reasons he was not brave enough to ask her about, given they had only had a few conversations between them – but he could not fathom it in this moment. Snape's dark eyes moved from the potion, now safely back in his pocket, and over back up to his face.

"You'll have to ask him about it."

"Oh I will, Lupin."

Remus wanted to melt into the floor.

He settled, instead, for gathering up the rest of his things and turning his back to his fellow first year, resisting the overwhelming urge to run screaming. He managed to walk at a normal pace at first, though his entire body was tense like a spring coiled to its limit, before he finally turned a corner that put him out of Snape's sight.

Merlin's beard, he wished James and Mavis were not so dumb.

If they knew, they could help him.

If they knew he would not be so panicked and would not be forced to resort to lying.

Instead, he found himself abandoning his plans with Peter in favor of endeavoring to find Professor Slughorn. Because apparently now he needed to do extra credit to keep his secret.

As if this wasn't already exhausting enough.

As if it hadn't so thoroughly ruined his life.

He had to force himself that he refused to let it, that he was determined to still remain in remarkably good spirits. If Mavis and James were going to be so clueless then he would simply have to try harder. If he could not bring himself to say it out loud, then he would simply have to find other ways.

He would visit Slughorn and then he would pay a visit to the library.

He would take on his extra credit to hide it from Snape and then he would do what he wanted to do. He would waste away the hours in the library with his new friend Peter like a normal eleven year old boy.

And before he returned to his dormitory for the night, he would make sure to grab one final thing for there was a book on lycanthropy that he thought Mavis might like to read.