It started out as an innocent question. The women had been enjoying a nice afternoon brunch, when someone offhandedly told Noelle, "Congrats on being the one to take Aether's virginity." The maid blushed.

"I…don't think I did."

"What? You didn't go all the way with him?" asked Dehya.

"N-no. I mean yes, we did um… do it."

"I figured as much, given the broken bed," said Beidou. "So, you popped his cherry then?"

"I don't think I was his first…"

All conversation ceased. One by one, the girls turned to Noelle, eyes awash in curiosity.

"What," said Miko with a sharp inhale. "Did you just say? Little one?"

"Oh, um, I don't think I was his first."

Silence.

"How do you know?" said Lisa. "Did he… say something?"

"He asked me if I'd like him to take the lead. I assumed…he'd done this sort of thing before."

Amber breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, so you just assumed. Then, that doesn't mean he's actually slept with anyone else for sure."

Yae Miko's eyes narrowed. "Noelle. How did he do in bed?"

Noelle bloomed bright red. She sputtered senselessly.

"Did he know about anal? Nipple play? The Fontaine kissing? How many sex positions did you—"

Noelle shoved her face into her hands and screamed. "Stop! That's so indecent!"

"Come on, Miko," said Jean. "Stop pestering her."

"I'm afraid I can't," said Miko. "If Aether knew about those things, then I guarantee you he wasn't a virgin when Noelle got him. Those aren't the kind of things a novice in sex can just pick up on."

Shenhe frowned. "I read that one is not born with sexual proficiency, but rather gathers talent with repeated attempts."

"Yes, thank you, Shenhe," said Xianyun as she massaged her forehead. "Right, so, say that Aether did have a partner before. What does it matter?"

Several women rounded on Xianyun so quickly the adeptus jumped in her seat.

"It means," said Yelan pointedly, "One of us broke the truce. Someone here stole his first kiss, and someone here made love to him before they should."

Silence. The women regarded one another in suspicion. Each searched for a glimmer of deceit upon their neighbor's expression. No one gave anything away.

"Well, it wasn't me," said Mirror Maiden.

Yelan scowled. "This coming from the random Mirror Maiden who still hasn't told us her real name. Forgive me if I'm skeptical."

"Hey, I'm not the one who can make threads out of thin air for BDSM! You could abduct him whenever you damn well please!"

"Unlike some people here, I value contracts," said Yelan. She aimed a tacit glance at Xianyun. The adeptus grew flustered.

"One broke no contract in gifting the traveler the pleasure machine." Xianyun turned up her nose and scoffed. She hid her indignity by adjusting the rim of her glasses. "In any case, One has served Rex Lapis, knowing the value of contracts, long before you were even conceived. You cannot question One's integrity so brazenly."

"Hey, let's relax here," said Yoimiya. "I'm sure this is all some misunderstanding."

Ayaka scoffed. "Interesting you say so. As I recall, you had a date with him in Sumeru before the UHA formed. Perhaps, you're the one who took his first."

"Wha…? H-hold on! Nothing happened between us! And it wasn't a date!"

"He bridal carried you," Ayaka growled.

Several women stared at Yoimiya with undisguised hostility. The fireworks maker shivered. Her throat went dry as she fumbled for words.

"Wait a second, Ayaka," said Charlotte, as she scratched her chin. "By that logic, you could've taken him during the Furina Film Festival. You can't go around accusing Yoimiya and conveniently leave out yourself."

Now, they glared at Ayaka.

"We should face the facts," said Kokomi. "We all had opportunities. The culprit could be anyone here, and we'd never truly know."

Silence.

"Um excuse me?" said Jeht. "Is it possible that he got with someone before we made that Constitution?"

"I suppose so, but I don't see how…" Yae Miko fell quiet. Her sharp glare fell upon the mercenary. "How would you know?"

"I don't!" she said quickly. "I'm just…throwing out ideas!"

Sweat trickled down her tanned skin.

The shrine maiden regarded Jeht dubiously. Aether rescued her and allowed her to reside in the Teapot for quite some time. She could have plenty of chances to have her way with him.

Miko's withering gaze fell upon everyone present.

Who would Aether make love to first? Perhaps, Amber. He knew her the longest of anyone here. Except, Amber didn't have that guilty look in her eyes. If anything, the outrider seemed just as confused as them.

Miko considered Lisa. That harlot didn't make any secret how much she liked Miko's little one. No. Miko couldn't explain it, but her instinct told her it couldn't be Lisa.

Ayaka, Keqing, Nilou, or Furina? He definitely had a thing for those four. They absolutely would've given themselves to him if he only asked. But no, Aether was a gentleman. He would never ask them. Would he? Miko kept a close eye on those sword girls.

Her gaze fell at last upon her best friend Ei. Miko always assumed Ei was the shut-in type who would never make the first move. But what if she had? Ei was always decisive in battle. Perhaps, she could be equally decisive in choosing her romantic partner.

Miko seethed. That wretched boob-blade-bitch. If she took Aether's first…

"Mona," said Lisa suddenly. "What do the stars say?"

The astrologist stuttered. "Um… I really don't think astrology should be used for trivial matters."

"Oh, this is dead serious, little one."

"I still don't think I should."

Thunder cracked outside. The Realm Within never got thunder.

Yae Miko's eyes shone a brilliant violet, glaring at the astrologist with ancient wrath. Miko's nails dug into the tabletop, clawing out chunks of wood. This was no longer a request.

Taking out her scryglass, she performed a divination. The outer rim of the wheel rotated. Mona narrowed her eyes in concentration, peering deeper into the signs. The women waited impatiently.

Mona's brows pinched in consternation.

"I'm not getting anything."

"Keep trying," said Lisa.

She shook her head. "It's no use. I can't read his fate."

"So, we really can't know," said Ganyu.

Miko harumphed. The shrine maiden scootched out her chair. She paced about. Agitated electricity pulsed from her fingertips. Anger throbbed in her forehead like an infection.

This would not do. She'd been denied the privilege of deflowering Aether herself when she got last place in the lot drawing. That was bad enough. But for someone to have beaten her to the punch before they even drew lots—it irked her to no end.

Worse, someone had stolen his first kiss. Just thinking about it made her so unreasonably furious. Oh, when she found the culprit, she'd thrash that impudent brat.

"Um…excuse me?"

A very fidgety Sucrose shuffled nervously in her seat. Yae Miko ignored her, continuing to pace. The green haired alchemist cleared her throat.

"If we really want to know, why don't we just ask?"

Miko paused. Just ask… Of course, why didn't she think of it herself? She strode to Mona's seat and grabbed the astrologist by the wrist.

"Come. We're going to pay Tubby a little visit."

Miko dragged the astrologist away. Several women followed her. Soon, only Noelle, Collei, Barbara, Sucrose, Jeht, Beidou, Jean, Ganyu, Lynnette, Yoimiya, and Navia remained. The fireworks maker took an awkward sip of her tea. Barbara coughed.

For a while, none spoke.

Navia broke the silence. "That was a good idea, Sucrose. Asking Tubby, I mean."

Sucrose stared at her lap. "I meant that we should ask Aether."

A long stretch of silence hung over them.


Tubby had been enjoying a nice dream. Floating on a cloud overlooking the Realm Within, she sat in a chair, sipping Fonta and enjoying the sunlight on her feathers. Then it thundered.

"Tubby!" the air roared. "Tubby, wake up!"

The clouds morphed into the face of one giant, and very angry fox.

Tubby bolted up.

She took deep, slow breaths, forcing herself to calm down. It was just a dream, she reminded herself. Just a dream. Gradually, her pulse settled.

She blinked drearily, rubbing the crud from her eyes. The more she blinked, the clearer the Realm Within became. Soon enough, she could discern the figure standing before her.

Yae Miko, arms folded across her chest, with several others gathered beside her. They glared pointedly at the adeptus. Elemental pressure pulsed, swirled, and burned from the Vision wielders. To Tubby, it seemed she woke up to a whole new nightmare in the making.

Tubby gathered what dignity she could and bowed in greeting. Before she could utter salutations, Yae Miko practically growled at her.

"Tubby! Who was Aether's first?"

The adeptus quirked an eyebrow. After five long seconds passed, Miko repeated herself. "Who kissed him first, and who took his virginity?"

Tubby needed a second until the question sunk in. Even then, it baffled her. She was far from human, but even she knew this wasn't something most people went around asking.

Truth be told, the adeptus did know the answer. Aether's love life wasn't a secret to her. And she knew one other thing for sure: she could not let them find out.

"Miss Miko," Tubby began gently. "Aether's private life is hardly my business."

That innocuous comment opened a flood gate. Elemental powers radiated from the women present. The sheer pressure of it all gave Tubby several gray feathers. These ladies weren't playing around. Horror swelled in her stomach. If they went crazy, the Realm Within would be in danger.

She had to choose her next words as carefully as Rex Lapis had chosen his Yaksha Warriors. If they sensed her dodging the questions, there'd be trouble. If she gave them too much, they'd become enraged. With Mona here, she couldn't get away with any lies.

Tubby forced herself to calm down. A clear head would triumph here. First, she had to deescalate the tension.

"To my knowledge," she said, "the first person that Aether kissed is his companion, Paimon, but that was a kiss on the cheek, not a romantic one."

Hearing this, several ladies relaxed. Xianyun and Kokomi let out matching sighs. Ei and Shenhe retracted their elemental powers. A few even chuckled. So it was just Paimon who got his first kiss—of course, they should've known. They could live with that.

But Yae Miko only scowled deeper.

"Who. Took. His. Virginity?"

Just like that, the animosity returned in full force. Of course, how could they forget the real reason they were here? Tubby sighed. She should've known it wouldn't be so simple. Curse that wicked kitsune.

Any lesser adeptus would have cowered before them. Tubby was a lesser adeptus, at best, but she couldn't afford to cower. She mastered her nerves.

"I apologize," said Tubby. "But I have only known Aether as long as the Realm Within has existed. If he's had relations with another person prior to then, it happened without my knowledge."

Mona studied the adeptus. The astrologist slowly nodded, confirming Tubby had told them the truth. Yae Miko scratched her chin, in a calculating way that made Tubby uncomfortable.

"We need to ask the question differently. Tubby. Do you know if Aether has had sex with anyone?"

"No."

"She's lying," said Mona.

They glared accusingly at her. She'd been found out—at least, it seemed that way. Tubby had intentionally told that lie. Part of her 5-D chess plan. Now, she had a chance to hide the real truth.

Tubby frowned in thought. At last, she snapped. "Ah, now I recall. He made love with Noelle not long ago."

They paused. Mona took out her scryglass. After only a moment, she nodded in confirmation. Tubby forced her face to remain still.

The women chattered about, wondering if they'd been wrong after all. Perhaps, Noelle had been his first after all. At least, that's what they thought Tubby had omitted.

When they asked if she knew if Aether had sex with anyone, she lied. Sure, they knew she had lied. Problem was, they didn't know how she lied. What they didn't realize was that when she answered "no," she'd told two lies. When she answered, she only gave them half the truth.

If they believed they'd gotten their answer, then they wouldn't pose the question again. Hopefully.

Yae Miko paced about the steps, irritably. The wretched fox wasn't satisfied. Tubby knew she couldn't deceive the shrine maiden forever, no matter how hard she tried. A liar could always recognize another liar.

Miko paused. "Tubby. How many of us have had sex with Aether?"

"He doesn't always bring his dates back here. You'd have to ask the others how far they went."

Miko clicked her tongue with annoyance. "You're evading the questions. You know something."

"I know many 'somethings,'" answered Tubby. "Few of them relevant to your inquiries."

Miko scratched her chin thoughtfully.

Slowly, a grim smile spread across her lips.

"Did Lisa make love to Aether?"

The librarian flinched, stunned by the accusation. Tubby shook her head. Mona confirmed, Tubby had told the truth.

"Well then, did Amber, Jeht, or Furina make love to him?"

"On their dates, yes."

"Did Ei, Yoimiya, Ayaka, Nilou, or Keqing take him?"

"No, or if they have, I wouldn't know."

Once again, Mona nodded in confirmation.

One by one, they went down the list of lovers. Miko asked if they made love to the traveler. Each time, Tubby answered "No." Miko grew frustrated as Tubby continued to defy her. Thirty-eight women down the list and she remained no closer to a solid answer.

"Well, what about Jean? She seems uptight, but surely…"

"No."

"She's telling the truth," said Mona. "That's all of us."

The women were more confused than ever. So, none of them were the culprit. Even Yae Miko was left speechless.

"This…doesn't make sense."

"Perhaps it does," said Kokomi. "Maybe, he had sex long before he came to Teyvat. Probably with someone from another world."

Tubby shrugged noncommittally.

"If I may," said the adeptus, "even if that is the case, it does not diminish his love for all of you. Would it make you love him any less?"

Immediately, they all answered no.

Gradually, they settled down. It seemed their inquiries were at an end. No one had broken the Constitution. They'd all taken their rightful turns. If someone took Aether's first, that person couldn't be here.

Sunset fell over the Serenitea Pot. It was getting late. Several women, seeing that the mystery had been solved, decided to head home. Eventually, only Tubby and Yae Miko remained on the stoop.

The shrine maiden didn't look angry in the slightest. No. She had this peculiar glimmer in her eyes.

"Is something funny, Ms. Miko?"

She chuckled. "Yes. I find your naïveté rather amusing."

"How am I naïve?"

"You can't hide the truth forever, little bird. Not from me."

Yae Miko tossed back her hair. With a soft, eerie grin, the shrine maiden drew her Realm Dispatch. Her body faded from the Realm—her laughter, however, echoed on the wind after she'd departed.

Tubby collapsed. Celestia preserve her that was too close.

She heaved, trying desperately to suppress the memory of Yae Miko's serpentine pupils narrowing in on her. No, no good. She'd be seeing those eyes in her nightmares for the rest of her life.

Not for the first, second, or forty-sixth time, Tubby cursed Aether for gathering so many admirers. Why did the man bewitch every XX chromosome individual he met? And why were they all so powerful?!

Tubby sighed. She had to put a stop to this. No more realm dispatches. Yes, she had to say no. If she didn't, this madness would never end.

Across the clearing, the waypoint shimmered. Aether was returning. Tubby took a deep breath, preparing herself for the speech. I'm sorry, Aether, but we can't give out any more Realm Dispatches. We just can't.

She resolved herself, as Aether's form became visible.

He wasn't alone. An elegant, brown-haired woman in an orange kimono stepped alongside him. Her eyes were sharp, discerning, and radiated with self-confidence. She studied the Realm Within, nodding her approval. Then, they came right up to Tubby.

"Hey there, Tubby," called Aether. "This is my friend Chiori. I'm giving her a Realm Dispatch so she can visit whenever she likes. Chiori, this is Tubby. She's the adeptus who manages the Realm Within."

Chiori bowed politely. "Aether told me so much about you. It's a pleasure to finally meet the person he speaks of so highly."

"Yes well," Tubby paused. "Make yourself at home."

Aether ushered his soon-to-be girlfriend into his mansion. Tubby floated over to the pillar supporting the mansion's awning and spent the next five minutes banging her forehead. She only stopped when Chiori reemerged. The seamstress politely thanked Tubby for her hospitality, promising to be a good guest. Then, she left.

Tubby debated whether she should continue venting her frustration by beating the pillar against her skull. Despite the compelling arguments to continue, Tubby decided not to. It wouldn't do if she left a mark on her home.

She floated over to the steps. Evening air cooled her somewhat.

The last guests departed. Aether left to take care of some other Adventurer's Work. Tubby had the whole place to herself. Well, mostly. There was one other person.

That person came, walking up the golden pathway. Silently, this person crossed the fields and made her way to the mansion. Tubby studied this person—this woman. The very one Miko had been searching for.

"Hey," she said, "I heard a commotion. What happened?"

"The girls were looking for the person who took Aether's first time." Tubby gave the woman a pointed look. She had enough shame to appear embarrassed—not at the sex, but at the predicament she knew Tubby had just suffered.

"Sorry," she said.

"It's fine. I'm just relieved the others will never suspect you. If they find out, even the Heavenly Principles won't preserve you." Tubby shook her head. "Why? Why did you do it?"

"It happened a long time ago. Honestly, it was supposed to be a one-night stand. I didn't know we'd both end up in this world."

"Yes, you didn't," Tubby seethed. "Just make sure to keep a low profile. I can't protect you forever."

"I'll be careful. Good night, Tubby."

"Good night. Aloy."

The orange haired beauty made her way inside. Tubby, feeling exhausted, floated over to the post and banged her head against the post until she passed out.