Letter #4

DEAR "HERMY",

You would've scolded me and docked points from our own House if you had known what was going on during our fifth year at Hogwarts, but that's why I kept it hidden and I'm sorry for that. The way Draco and I went about things was risky, not only for myself, but for the D.A. and even the Order. I wasn't thinking rationally that year, and my compulsions got the better of me, but at least we know everything worked out.

My behavior then was much sloppier than you were aware of. With all the death and frustration I'd been dealing with, sex became a priority in my life, a major point of fascination, and Draco's newfound authority as prefect attracted me like a Thestral to a bloody corpse. Luckily, all our fooling around kept us in each other's arms long enough for something more serious to take form. We loved each other before the school year began, but with a clinging, childish sort of love, where we wanted to have each other more than we wanted each other to be happy.

Mature love might've had us go our separate ways until sometime after the war, but we were young and in pain, and the still-fresh memory of what we had done on his fifteenth birthday neutralized his discipline and my common sense.

We became obsessed with each other, if we weren't already. He made my suffering easier, even though he also made it worse at times, and when the school year began, I still had his love letters tucked away inside my trunk, and he had mine along with that "Black Box" in his mind that he rarely allowed himself to visit anymore.

We were starved for affection by the time we started seeing each other again. No one could understand him except me, and no one was willing to put up with my moods besides him—not even you and Ron—and the natural result of that is we became each other's chew toys.

It might sound unbelievable, if not downright corny, but he made me feel safe, even if it was a bit of an illusion at the time. He gave me permission to be myself, and he fed me what I wanted out of hand, so that I always came back to him like a whipped dog in want of more. He made me feel alive and wanted, and he somehow never shied away from exploring things with me, even after everything he had been through over the summer.

I tried to start something with Cho also, but was unable to get past our first kiss or break through the annoying barrier of her constant crying. I really did like her, but she wanted to force an emotional connection and didn't make space for my anger, which had the opposite effect of making me feel safe. I wasn't able to go about a relationship with her the way she wanted, so I was insensitive, like you said, although Draco would argue that she was insensitive too. Cho couldn't know the first thing about the demons I was wrestling with, and I didn't give a damn about what she was going through—to say nothing of how weird it was for her to want to bond over a dead boyfriend. I don't think I'll ever make sense of that.

Sex was the main thing for me at the time, I think. The safe thing. Especially with it being new, and especially after Quidditch was taken away from me. It gave me a way to exorcise all the anxiety and frustration that was stored up in my body for a short time. It helped keep me relatively regulated, and I wanted it with Cho, but between her crying and my impatience with her, we were stuck.

Unlike her, though, and for better or worse, Draco was too willing to be taken advantage of. He wanted sex first, too—and no one knew what was happening in the dead of night, or in broad daylight whenever our seats or beds stood empty. Professor Umbridge would have lost it if she knew two boys were making love within the walls of "her" school, one of the boys being the student she hated most, and the other her most favored on the Inquisitorial Squad. It would've put her right out of her mind, and I would've loved to have seen her face if she had caught us in the act, but Draco says that would've been a terrible waste of a good shag.

Let that be a warning, though, Hermione, that you might want to skip a lot of the upcoming Memory Vials if that makes you uncomfortable. I'm not joking when I say we acted like a couple of rutting Mooncalves—horny teenagers getting high off the novelty of sex. We don't mind you seeing what happened since we have no shame about it anymore, but you might have trouble looking at us the same way again if you do.

Regarding your last owl, Draco and I think it's a good idea that you've put the wedding on hold, at least until we've sorted this drama out and told Ron everything. If he doesn't get his act together soon, he'll be missing out on the world's most beautiful bride.

You really do look beautiful in that dress you showed us. Draco told me that he's leaving me for you now—it's your sense of fashion that got to him—and to be honest, I'm a bit jealous of him. Any chance you'll take us both?

Joking aside, the good news is that Ron is thick, but he isn't quite that dumb. He'll come around.

By the way, looking back on all these memories from our fifth year at school is making me wonder… do you plan on inviting Grawp to the wedding? If not, you should. We can figure out how to make things safe for him. I bet he misses his Hermy.

Sincerely,

HARRY POTTER


Author Note (IMPORTANT for canon consistency):

I'm basing most of the material in this fic off the books alone, while inventing some things here and there, like creatures (ex. the Jormungandi), spells, minor characters, etc. But relying mainly on the books can introduce some errors about certain mechanics if I'm unaware of them.

While writing Year 5, I discovered an inconsistency about whether or not prefects can dock House points. My copy of the Order of the Phoenix states that prefects can take House points, the only exception being that they can't take points from other prefects. (Page 625, Snape's Worst Memory). According to the internet, which can always be trusted without question, earlier editions of the book state that prefects cannot take House points at all. The audiobook also reflects the earliest edition of the book, but the passages involving Draco threatening to take points from the Golden Trio was later revised to what I explained above. From what I understand, J.K. Rowling had to revise it, because Percy threatened to take points from Harry in Book 2, Chamber of Secrets.

TL;DR: Prefects have always been able to take House points in the revised canon, just not from other prefects. I didn't want unrevised copies of OotP ruining the following chapters, because point-taking and point-giving is mentioned quite a bit.

I'm sure there are other problems with the canon I've overlooked throughout the fic, but if Rowling can make mistakes in her own universe, then, dammit, so can I. Although, I admit to knowingly taking a few liberties, like favoring the movie version of the Buckbeak/Draco scene in Year 3. And…

Long live the charmed origami note scene with Draco and Harry.