Casey and Derek sat beside one another on the couch, their hands brushing against each other's as they watched a movie that neither one was paying any attention to.
Casey would look at Derek, and Derek would look at her, and then they would both avoid each other. It was torture to be so close but so far away. Derek was so desperate to touch her again that he thought about popping popcorn just so they could "accidentally" reach into the bucket at the same time and end up holding hands. It was ridiculous!
Had it been an hour or thirty minutes since their last kiss? Time seemed irrelevant because no matter the expiration of their last intimate moment together, Derek was anticipating the next. He mentally started putting pressure on himself to top their last kiss because although he was enjoying kissing Casey, he didn't want her to lose interest, seeing as how she had ungodly high expectations.
Derek wanted to make a move by pulling Casey into his lap and kissing her senselessly, but the way she remained rigid next to him on the couch stopped his advances. Casey wasn't some fling, and if he had to go slow for her to realize that, he would. He was fine watching a movie with her, keeping his distance if that's what she wanted. He wouldn't even try to put his arm around her unless she wanted him to. Small steps lead to big rewards, as long as she doesn't shut him out completely.
The credits of the movie were far from rolling, but Casey turned toward her stepbrother, taking a deep breath before speaking.
"Derek, we need to talk."
Oh no. Those dreaded four words. The Achilles' heel! Derek's used those words enough times to know where they always lead. Casey was planning on ending this - whatever this is - for good. Great! She figured out she was too good for him and was leaving him in the dust! Derek wasn't ready for the shame! He was fine with taking things slow but getting dumped before they were a couple? Nope. Not today! Not ever!
"We can talk. Er - later! Yeah, I just remembered I promised Greg I'd meet up with him. Gotta go!" Derek scrammed out of there before Casey could utter another word.
They were back to their old routine of Casey wanting to talk, and Derek wanting to avoid talking.
"Der-ek!"
Casey tried to focus her energy on studying, but her mind drifted back to Derek (which it often did lately). Not bothering to open the rings of her pink binder, Casey tore out a piece of loose leaf paper and began writing.
Written on the page was a pro/con list for her and Derek. Seeing their names on paper together made this all the more surreal. She couldn't believe she was actually doing this; the temperature must have dropped in hell.
She started with the cons because those were easier to figure out, as they've been plaguing her for a while.
Cons? Derek and Casey were related by marriage and shared a brother; that issue topped the list. Then, there was the fact Casey wants a real, meaningful relationship, in contrast to what Derek wants. Lastly, Derek was arrogant, annoying, and a pain in her butt - three different cons, by the way!
Pros? Just one. One very big one:
Their chemistry.
The chemistry between them was off the charts, whether they were making out or sitting beside each other on the couch or going about their day. They balanced each other out, whether in life or dance or school...
They looked to each other when things got rough.
Wait, maybe that was more than one pro? Hell, it was worth as much as all of the cons combined, wasn't it?
Casey folded the paper thrice, no closer to an answer than she was before writing the list. The audacity to even make a list about Derek was beyond her comprehension!
Derek returned to the apartment after hiding away at the library of all places, no closer to wanting to discuss things with Casey. He didn't want to be rejected, not only because of his self-esteem, but because he didn't know if things could ever be the same. He finally admitted to himself how much he cared about Casey, and he didn't want to lose her just as quickly as he got her.
Derek tossed his leather jacket on the hanger, trying to avoid facing Casey, but she was waiting on him. Was she this excited to break things off... to break his heart? Maybe he deserved it. He tortured her for years and years, and this was his karma. He should take it like a man and let her words cut him down to filth... but he didn't want to. He was a coward.
"Derek, I made a list."
Derek started to turn around to leave, but Casey twirled him back in front of her.
"It's about us," she continued.
"Yeah, I picked up on that. I'll pass."
"But Derek..."
"You turned our- whatever this is - into a project, Casey. I don't want to hear about your stupid list and all the reasons you think we shouldn't be together," Derek said, trying to push Casey out of his way.
"Look, I understand your need to avoid confrontation, but - "
"But nothing. We kissed, we had a good time, and now you realize it's not enough for you. You're like an open book, Case, and so am I. We both know I don't do relationships, and I most definitely don't do relationships with keeners like you."
Derek's only objective was to make Casey believe he was over her, to make her feel better about ending things, even though he was hurt. In turn, they were both hurt, and his mission to leave her unscathed failed miserably.
His words cut Casey deeply, regardless of the messy outcome she already expected. This is why she didn't want to kiss him in the first place.
As Derek left their apartment once again, a tear tickled Casey's lashes, and then another and another.
She had half a mind to kick him out of the apartment for good and throw his stuff out into the yard, but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing she was hurt.
Derek fell asleep in the library until the workers kicked him out at closing time.
He sat on a bench outside of the library in the cold, wasting as much time as he could before putting his tail between his legs and going back to the apartment. While procrastinating, he decided to give Sam a call, hoping his best friend wouldn't be too busy with his own hockey practice to talk to him for a minute.
It was true that Derek never listened to Sam's girl troubles, but maybe Sam could find it in his heart to be more sensitive than Derek had been in the past.
"Derek? Since when do you call instead of text?" Sam answered the call to Derek's relief. Now, would Sam listen to Derek's girl problems? That was another story.
"We need to talk," Derek said.
"You're not breaking up with me, are you?" Sam teased.
Great, Casey was getting into Derek's head already.
"I'm afraid you're stuck with me. No, it's about - " he paused.
"About? What?" Sam asked.
"It's about Casey. I might have made out with her... a few times." Derek didn't bother to lie to Sam because he needed advice. He trusted his best friend enough to tell him about Casey.
"Okay... " Sam hesitated, taking it all in.
"Okay? That's it? That's all you have to say?"
"I can't say I'm that surprised. Derek, you've had this strange relationship with Casey since the day you met. Remember when I told you she was cute on her first day of school, and you acted all weird about it? I pursued Casey, and you wanted to fight me for her, claiming it was about a guy code or something. I should've left her alone after that, but I was a stupid kid."
"Wow. I really did that, didn't I?" Derek thought back to how ridiculously jealous he was over Sam. He didn't put the pieces together then - as they were all stupid kids.
"You did that sort of thing all throughout high school, dude. You tortured Max, you told Truman that Casey didn't like him, and you made sure Ralph stayed with Amanda so he couldn't bug Casey anymore. Let's not forget your hatred for Scott, Noel, Trevor, Tinker.. "
Sam was more observant than people gave him credit for. In his defense, Derek talked an awful lot about Casey at school.
"Okay, maybe I harbored feelings," Derek admitted.
"So what's the problem? You finally got Casey to look your way and... ?" For the life of Sam, he didn't see what the big issue was.
"Sam, you know me. You know I don't do relationships," Derek said, rubbing his cold hands together to get some warmth. He was in such a hurry that he forgot his gloves on the shelf.
"I know you're not calling to tell me that. Derek, you might be insensitive at times, but you're not completely heartless. If you want a relationship with Casey, go for it."
This was a strange conversation. The last time they discussed Casey in this manner was when Sam was looking for permission from Derek to date Casey. Oh, how things have changed.
"I've tried the whole relationship thing. It hasn't worked," Derek mentioned.
"Maybe it hasn't worked because your heart was elsewhere," Sam thought.
"Yeah?" Derek asked, egging Sam to go on.
"Sure. Your only real relationships were with Kendra and Sally, right? You ditched Kendra to meet Casey's dad, and you ditched Sally to graduate with Casey."
"Oh, and remember that Amy chick? She broke things off because I was talking about Casey too much," Derek laughed, putting the pieces together for himself.
"See? So maybe Casey is the one you've been waiting for. It sounds sappy, I know, but maybe she's the one."
"The one? It's sappy as hell, but thanks, Sam." This conversation was an eye-opener.
"No problem, bud."
Derek left the bench to go home in a much better mood than when he got there. Albeit he was still confused, he was accepting that he's always cared about Casey since day one. His love was always in the room, and his feelings were not new, only the revelation was.
When he got back home that night, the lights were off, so he started to Casey's room in hopes she would still be awake. He wanted to apologize and tell her the list didn't matter. That he wanted to be with her, and he wasn't accepting no for an answer.
As he tried to knock on her door, he chickened out. His thoughts faded by the pounding of his chest, so he scurried back into the living room. He wanted to be honest with her, but not when he was this nervous. He didn't want the words to come out wrong and make things worse this late at night.
Casey, halfway asleep, swore she heard a pair of feet by her bedroom door. She slipped out of bed to investigate, but no one was down the hall. She did, however, find Derek sitting on the couch with the television glowing against his face. He was sitting upright and pretending to be interested in a romcom on the screen - a dead giveaway he was hiding something. If he wanted to talk to her, he should've just knocked on her door instead of creeping in the hallway like a weirdo.
"Did you need something?" Casey asked, little to no venom in her voice, giving him the opportunity to speak.
"What?" Derek asked, pretending to be oblivious.
"I thought you were - never mind. Good night," she said, aggravated and done with this conversation.
"Good night."
Casey was done with Derek.
Absolutely done.
Right?
