Hi all! Big Thanks for sticking with me on this!
"This pie has been waiting a long time to be eaten. Not another word until we cut into it!" Jessica stated bluntly.
Seth silently retrieved some plates, forks and a serving knife.
"Would you like any coffee?" He asked. "No, the pie is just fine as it is."
Jessica sliced a piece and handed it to Seth and she cut herself a slightly smaller slice. She once again eyed the rock glass filled with liquid courage. She looked at Seth, "were you needed at the hospital?"
Seth replied, "Yes. A motorcycle crossed in front of a car that responded too late. The rider had a shattered leg but he'll survive." Seth did not look at Jessica and just savored the pie.
She put her plate down and placed a hand on Seth's. He looked at it and looked at her with tears almost welling in his eyes. "I want to say something that's on my mind Seth Hazlitt and don't you try to stop me. Remember a time when you gave me a piece of your mind about my busy lifestyle? I let you talk and you were quick to cut me off. Now I'm returning the favor."
He gave a half-hearted chuckle. She continued with determination, "I have a confession, Seth. The day you came to check on me after I came to your office…I wasn't asleep. I knew you came in but I didn't want to face you. As I think about it now, I'm embarrassed but I feel better telling you the truth. I was so surprised and confused when I turned on your tv and found the video tape…" She could see the frustration mixed with sadness as he just stared at the wall.
"Don't say anything and let me finish. I don't know, I guess it was the way I was brought up. I mean the way WE were brought up. Movies and books and magazines like that were taboo unless you had loose morals or so we were told. Sex was to occur behind closed doors between a married couple. Anything else and you were branded a few choice names and shunned…at least women were. I guess for men it was okay to see sex as something of a baser instinct. Something that needed satisfying without the trappings of a relationship." Seth sat still and allowed Jessica to continue.
"When I thought about you watching that film, all those old-fashioned feelings came back to me. Those boys, and later, men who acted like respectable men in front of you but became Mr. Hyde when the date ended…seeking some nameless, meaningless satisfaction with some woman. Then there were men like my Frank. It was love at first sight but we learned to love and respect each other. He never tried anything nor was he the type who went looking for thrills elsewhere. To him, sex was something you enjoyed with the person you love. Even during the war, he was away from me but never visited the Japanese spa houses the other men visited," she reminisced.
"I guess I had this image of you, of the man you are and then seeing the tape…that image seemed to shatter. But, I realized, thanks to age and life lessons, it's wrong to take a completely puritanical look at sex. I didn't figure it out until all this happened." Jessica stopped a bit overwhelmed after she poured all her thoughts and feelings out like a dam that had just burst open.
Seth gave her a weak smile, "is it my turn to talk yet?" Jessica responded, "only if you want to."
"I'm not defending myself and I had no intention of bringing this up but you called my bluff. The night before you visited me, well, I don't have to tell you that was Ruth's birthday. I get depressed, angry and I just want to be alone."
Jessica shook her head, "I knew that was why you were not like yourself the days leading up to it."
He continues, "anyway I was upset all day but work kept my mind of things. Then my last patient came in…a nice young man. His mother was embarrassing him and asked permission to talk with the teen privately. Apparently puberty kicked in full time. He had a movie that his mother found. I took it so it didn't make the rounds to every high schooler in Cabot Cove." Boy Jessica didn't miss the attitudes of some students when they reached that age.
"After my day was done I treated myself to a bottle of whiskey. While doing so and not in my right mind, I put the tape in. Call it curiosity or drunken stupidity. What I saw almost sobered me up! I won't lie to you…I saw plenty of stag films at bachelor parties but after a few minutes I would always excuse myself. That stuff never turned me on like some men. You were right as was Frank, making love must mean something and if you don't love the woman then it's nothing. It's going through the motions while being detached from your body."
He looked up and Jessica met his eyes with compassion. "Well Jess, you were so honest with me so I will be honest with you although I don't blame you for changing your opinion of me. However I'll feel better getting this off my chest. I continued to watch the film and, despite all the whiskey in my system, my body responded and I lost control…so to speak. It's been so long but as a medical man I should have realized that the body can still react despite time and age." Seth looked down into his hands.
"Seth you have nothing to be ashamed of. We're human and we have feelings and needs and sometimes we're not always in control of them. To be honest I sometimes get similar feelings when reading the books of some fellow authors. I suppose it's a reflex."
Seth just shrugged. "I was so angry and drunk. Then the next day I was hung over. I should have known better to leave the VCR running. You're the only patient who touches my tv and Beverly pays no never mind…just enough to keep the coffee brewing and the magazines neat. That afternoon I threw the tape in the garbage where it belongs."
Jessica put a hand on his shoulder, "Seth I also learned something else these past few days. I feel empty without you. It's as if a part of me goes missing when we're not together. Our friendship has always been so important to me but ever since I saw you in a hospital bed, all those experiences with Frank came rushing back. I lost him and I don't want to lose you. However, I have a new life and I can't see myself being anyone's wife anymore. What I'm saying is, I want something more than a friendship and I only want it with you."
Seth didn't know what to say.
