A week has passed since Stella decided to go see her mom. She has been unable to think about anything else. She is unable to relax, constantly feeling worried or anxious. Fixating on things outside of her control—what if this is a scam? —what if she is using her for something? What if she's lying to the police and she doesn't know anything about Bo's whereabouts? She just wants to see her daughter and try to scam her. Because scheming and manipulation are what she's good at.

All her overthinking has her feeling mentally exhausted, and she has a lot of negative thoughts. Which is so unlike her; she is usually the positive one; she was so positive when she was facing death and when Benny was in the hospital, but with this situation, she can't stop the negative thoughts. She keeps replaying the last conversation she had with her mom years ago. She was only fifteen and so angry with her. She hated the woman her mom was turning into; she had her lifestyle, her boyfriends, and her druggy friends, and mostly she hated that she didn't feel safe in her own home anymore. At one time, her home was her safe space, a place that was her happy place, especially when her grandma was alive. Her death changed everything.

This past week was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for her. She tries to pretend like she is fine, like it is no biggie to see her mom again. But it wasn't working; she was distracted and totally off her game, especially on shift. Her truck guys called her out on it a time or two. Of course, she always has an excuse, even if it was a lame one. They always nodded and agreed, seeming to believe her, but deep down she knew that they knew her and that something was going on. Her truck guys and the rest of 51 had no clue what was actually going on. Just the intelligent unit guys, and her husband. She didn't want anyone else to know, at least not yet.

Unfortunately, work wasn't the only place she was feeling distracted, and she was out of it most of the time. And on top of that, she is suffering from insomnia. She hasn't had a good night's sleep since the night Kim and Adam stopped by. She repeatedly told Kelly she was fine, but she knew he wasn't buying it. He has been so supportive, which is nothing new; he too would come up with excuses to cover up when she forgot something or seemed to be out of it. She loved him more for that; even with the kids, she would be reading them a story and lose concentration, and he would take the book and pick up where she left off. Just last night, she was fixing dinner, and her mind wondered off. She kept shaking her head, trying to stay focused on what she was doing. As she reached into the oven to pull the chicken out, she stupidly forgot the oven mitts and grabbed the pan. The heat of the pan burned her hands, and she ended up dropping the chicken on the floor. Kelly came in after hearing her scream and the bang. He didn't question anything; he just immediately took care of her hands and then cleaned up the mess while she cried. Again, she insisted she was fine and that her mind was clouded and anxious for tomorrow.

And now she's sitting outside on her back deck steps at five in the morning.

Second-guessing her decision. In six hours, she will see her mom for the first time in twenty-something years. She pulls out her grandma's journal and flips through it. Rereading the stuff her grandma wrote has given her some peace and comforted her a lot.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Kelly asked as he walked out on the deck. She gave him a confused look. "I rolled over, and you were gone. I searched the whole house looking for you." He sat down beside her. "I couldn't find you, scared the hell out of me." He wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm sorry." She replied. "I couldn't sleep again. I'm second-guessing myself."

"I figured." He kissed the side of her head. "You don't have to do this; you can back out, Voight, and the rest of them will get over it."

"I know, it's just that part of me wants to do this, not just to help them out," she bites her lip.

"But what?"

"I always knew this day was going to come. I just always had that feeling in the back of my mind that one day somewhere she was just going to pop up or I was going to get an out-of-the blue phone call, you know, something along those lines. It's been over twenty years, Kelly, and I'm not going to say I haven't thought about her over the years, because I have. She's, my mom; even if she sucked at being my mom, she's still my mom. You know, she's the reason I'm here; if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be her; I wouldn't have this amazing life that I love so much."

He stroked her face gently. "I am very thankful for her; I don't know where I'd be if you weren't here."

She smiled. "It's like, deep down, part of me wants to see her, and the other part of me is saying, stay away, don't get involved, don't let her back in; it's a road you don't want to go back down again."

Kelly nods. "I get that; it's hell when you're battling yourself with a situation that you know from experience can lead to hurt and heartbreak. I had a lot of those moments with my dad."

She gives him a remorseful look. "I know you did, babe." She takes his hand into hers. "At least you had one sane parent looking out for you; I have no clue who my dad is or was, and for my mom, I have one good memory of her."

" Really? What was that?"

She gave him a half-smile as she thought back to her childhood. "I was four; at least I think I was maybe five somewhere around that age. Anyway, it's Christmas time, a few weeks away from Christmas, actually. We were out shopping my mom, my grandma, and me. It was a cold, snowy day, and we stopped at this cafe and got some hot chocolate, and Santa walked in. I got so excited that I begged them to let me go talk to him, and they did. He was so sweet and nice that I sat on his lap and told him what I wanted for Christmas. " She smiled big as she remembered that day. "He asked if I was a good girl that year, and I said yes, and my mom said she's the best-behaved little girl in the world. He said in that case, I would make sure you got extra gifts. He asked my mom what she wanted for Christmas, and my mom said just to see my beautiful baby girl happy. And I was." She looked at Kelly. "It was just a simple, original day—nothing big, nothing special—just a day of shopping with my mom and grandma. And I was so happy, happier than I can ever remember."

Kelly smiled, watching her face as she remembered that day. He'd never heard stories about her childhood. He was sure enjoying this one. And her cheerful, happy tone told him how happy she really was.

"The whole month of December that year was great; it was actually the last Christmas the three of us spent together and the last picture we took together." Her tone changed dramatically. "It was the last time my mom was a real mom, my last year of happiness till I finally left."

"To bad you don't have that last picture; you know something to remind you of the good days."

She tilted her head. "I do, actually; I have a whole photo album of happy memories. Come on, I'll show you."

He wasn't expecting that; she never showed him any pictures of her as a child or her family besides her aunt and uncle. He followed her into the house. She went to the living room and bent over and pulled something out from under the couch. "You keep your photo album under our couch?"

"No goof, I slipped it under there a few nights ago when you were upstairs." She sat down on the couch, and he sat beside her. "I found it in my box of personal stuff where my grandma's journal was, and I just wanted to look through it." She handled it to him. "Go ahead, my grandma made me this album; it's me from birth till five, lots of pictures of my mom, my grandma, and me."

"Wow!" Kelly said, staring at Stella's one-year-old photo. "Shay looks exactly like you—the curly hair, the facial expression. This scares me."

" What? Why?"

"Come on, Stella, if she is already looking like your twin at one, she's going to be freaking beautiful by the time she hits her teen years." He rubs the back of his neck. "We are going to homeschool her; she's never leaving the house. No horny teenage boy is getting anywhere near my princess."

Stella laughed. "I'm not having this conversation with you."

"I'm serious."

"Babe, we have a few years before we have to worry about boys. Now look at the pictures and stop stressing out about the future."

Kelly sighs and shakes his head. "Fine, I'll shut up for now, but we will be having that conversation soon."

"Whatever you say, babe." She smiles as she lays her head on his shoulder as he looks through the album.

"You look like your mom a little." Her mom had black, short, straight hair, same facial structure, and the same beautiful hazelnut eyes as his wife.

"Sadly, yes."

Kelly kissed the top of her head. "I see our son in you too, not as much as our daughter."

"Me too; I wish I had pictures after five, but my life changed after that year. I have good memories of my younger years, but the one that sticks out the most is that day I told you about, not just because I met Santa, but just because I was happy. I remember two weeks before Christmas and decorating the tree that year, singing songs, and watching Christmas movies, making hot chocolate and popcorn." She looks up at Kelly. "I want to start that tradition with our kids. I want to put the tree up the day after Thanksgiving. I want to decorate it that weekend as a family. I know it's going to be hard because they won't understand yet, but we can do it. I want to have Christmas music playing and us singing. I want to do Christmasy stuff the whole Christmas season with them, like Christmas pajamas for all of us."

"Seriously?" he asked, laughing.

" Yes!" She exclaimed. "You would look so cute in Grinch pajamas or Rudolph." She laughs out loud.

Kelly smirks and shakes his head. " If it would make you happy, I'll do it. I love seeing you happy."

She smiles. "I love Christmas, and I want us to have Christmas traditions and lots of Christmas memories."

"I want that too." He leans down and kisses her.

"I don't just want Christmas traditions; I want us to do other stuff as a family too, throughout the year. I want our kids to have a good childhood, and I want them to look back on their lives as adults and smile because of the happy memories. I know every day won't be a good day, and there will be days we will have to ground them for doing something wrong, and there are going to be times when they are really upset with us. But that's part of being a good parent; you take the bad with the good. And love them through it all; never lose focus that they are our top priority. No matter what happens, our kids need to know that they are loved and that we support them no matter what."

"I want everything you want for them, babe, and we are going to make sure they have a good childhood better than our childhood."

"It's crazy now that I think about it. I had a good childhood between birth and age five; we lived in a nice house in a good neighborhood. It was just the three of us, but we were happy. Till after that December."

"Tell me more about that December and your good memories."

"It was just a good month; on Christmas Eve, we baked all these different kinds of cookies and fudge. We laughed and sang as we baked. My grandma would light the fire, and we would read the night before Christmas, my favorite Christmas book as a child. We left cookies and egg nog out for Santa, and the next morning the cookies were gone, the egg nog was gone, and there were tons of presents. I got everything I asked Santa for that year. It was the best Christmas of my childhood." She flipped through the album. "That was the last picture of the three of us together—the last time we were happy," she tells him, pointing to the last picture in the book. "My mom and grandma's relationship changed after that Christmas; they used to laugh and talk all the time, but that all changed fast; my mom would scream at my grandma and she would throw things. I never understood what actually happened that changed my mom; it wasn't till I was a little older that I found out the truth."

Kelly rubs her leg and gives her a sorrowful look.

"My grandma told me when I was ten that my mom was hooked on drugs as a teenager. When she was eighteen, she went into rehab and promised to get clean, and while she was there, they discovered that she was pregnant, and she promised my grandma she would stay clean for me. And she did for almost six years."

"So your dad is...

"Probably her drug dealer." Stella finished it for him. "My thoughts exactly, which is why I never tried to find him; I thought about it, you know, because I was curious, but knowing he is or was a drug dealer, I figured it was best just to let things be. According to my grandma, she was in love with this guy, my supposed father, but he up and left her one day, which made her want to get clean. And six years later, he came back to town, and one night with him, he took her back down that path. She worked so hard to get away from." She paused. "Apparently she loved him more than me because she picked him over me. She just up and left one night—no goodbye, no I'll call you, no, I love yous—nothing. She just left. It was my sixth birthday; she came in high and drunk, knocked my birthday cake on the floor, didn't even apologize, and she and my grandma got into a huge disagreement. And she screamed and said some messed-up stuff to my grandma, and that's the last time I've seen her for a while."

Kelly pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead. He has to admit that he's loving that she is sharing her past with him; he's been so curious for years.

"Kelly?"

"Yeah"

"Do you think I can handle seeing her again? You know, without having a mental breakdown."

He pulled back, looking into her fearful eyes. "Yes, I think. No, let me correct that. I know you can handle seeing her again, because my wife can handle anything. Yes, it's going to be awkward and uncomfortable, and you're probably going to feel anxious and overwhelmed, but on a good note, I will be right beside you, holding your hand, and I promise if you tell me your right to go, that you had enough, or give me a help me look, I will get you out there. But also, I want to remind you that you don't have to do this; I am on your side no matter what you decide, and if you do go, afterwards you need to vent, I'm all ears."

"I am one lucky woman." She kisses him softly. "I want to do this; well, just a tiny part of me does. I'm scared and worried, but as long as I have you beside me, I know I can do this."

"I know you can too."

"I don't want her to know we have kids."

Kelly gave her a confused look. " Why?"

"It's not her business; my life isn't her business. I'm still upset that she knows I'm a lieutenant and where I work. I'm curious to learn how she found out. She can know I'm happily married, but she doesn't need to know anything else about my life. My life is my business, and I have no intentions of having a heart to heart with her. I'm doing this so she can help them lock Bo up and see what was so important that she wanted to see me. Not to mend fences."

Kelly nods as he thinks about what she said, knowing she has a point.

"There is a lot of history between us. Kelly, things got really bad when she one day popped back into my life when I was eight. They got really bad after my grandma died, and I was left alone with her. It was like five years of pure hell and emotional abuse."

"What if she wants to make amends? Or she just wants to apologize for everything."

"I don't care if she gets out of prison tomorrow and claims she's a changed woman. I'm not interested in rebuilding our relationship. I don't want her to be a part of our lives, Kelly. It took me years to finally let go of the hurt and the anger. I'm not doing that again, and I'm not going to allow her to do that to my family."

"Da da"

"Our children are awake." Stella says as she listens to Benny repeat da da over and over again. She looks at the time. "It's after seven. Three hours and a half to go." She sighed as she looked at the last photo again.

Kelly watched her for a moment. "You don't have to do this, I will call Voight and tell him the deal is off, he gets pissed, so what he'll get over it. I don't care about his deal I only care about how this will affect you."

"I want to do this;I need to do this Kelly." she said correcting herself. " I have spent the last week so out of focus and distracted by the thought of seeing her again and curious to what she wants from me, cause trust me she wants or needs something it's how she works.I think once I get this over with I'll be able to get back on track, and start focusing again. No more distractions; put her back in the hole I've kept her in, and never go down that road again."

Kelly kissed her softly, secretly hoping she's right but afraid that this visit won't be that easy and that forgettable.

Three and a half hours later, Stella stood nervously outside the prison. They made it to the front door, and Stella froze. She just stared at the door, her stomach flopping, her head spinning, and her heart pounding. She felt partially paralyzed.

"Are you okay?" Kelly asked concern fully.

She nods slowly, "I just need a moment."

He wraps his arm around her from behind her. "Take all the time you need, babe." He kisses the side of her head. He can literally feel and hear her heartbeat. "Just breathe, baby." He whispers.

She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths. She feels a little bit better, especially being in her husband's arms. "I know I said I wanted to do this, but I'm not sure now."

He turns her around to face him. "And again, I'm telling you, you don't have to do anything; we can leave."

"I know, and my heart is saying, walk away, get back in the car, and get the hell away from here." She laughs. "But my head is saying, even though she doesn't deserve to see me or talk to me, I need to do this for myself. I need to see her one last time to finally put everything behind me."

"Okay, if that's what you truly want."

"I honestly don't know what I want; I'm nervous, afraid, and anxious." She draws circles on his shoulder. "My emotions are a freaking rollercoaster right now."

"I know." He replied and kissed her forehead.

"Hey guys!"

The couple turned around to see Voight and Atwater standing there. "Look, I want to first thank you personally for this, Stella." Voight tells her honestly. Stella just nods: she's not sure what to say. "But I also want to say that if you decide not to do this, it's okay. I'm not going to guilt-trip you into anything or force you. This is your decision and yours alone."

Stella and Kelly were both surprised by his words. This was definitely not the Voight they knew talking.

He laughed. "Your facial expressions tell me you think I'm lying, and I don't blame you. I've done some underhanded shit in the past to get my way, but I'm not going to do that to you, Stella. I understand this situation is different; if you want to leave, go ahead."

Stella looked at Atwater, who was also looking a bit surprised at his boss. "What about the case? What about locking Bo up?"

"Trust me, although I appreciate you helping us out, if you decide not to go through with it, I have my ways to get what I want from people, and somehow, someway, I will get what I need to lock that son of a bitch up for good."

Stella was surprised; she thought for a moment. "I want to do this; I do. It's time. But I'm going to tell you the same thing I told your unit: she's probably lying. She's a compulsive liar. A damn good one at that. So, chances of you guys getting any information from her are very likely."

Voight nods, agreeing with her. "Trust me and our line of work." He motions between him and Atwater. "We get lied to on a daily basis; it's what they do. And I'm well aware there's a chance she's lying or at least not going to cooperate the way she said she would, but I also did my research, and she does know him pretty well at that...

"They were lovers." Stella interrupted him. "I know Bo too."

"I heard, but did you know that they knew each other way before you were born?"

Stella's eyes widen. "No, I didn't."

"Yeah, your mom and Bo go way back. So, chances are she does know him better than anyone else we've talked to, and she knows a lot of information about him."

"And to top it off, when your mom's name was brought up the other night, his reaction told us that she holds secrets that will probably shock us, and I'm talking more than drug-dealing stuff." Atwater added.

Kelly and Stella exchanged looks. "Okay, let's get this over with so you guys can get him off the streets for good." She grabs Kelly's hand. "I'm not staying long. Ten minutes tops, I'm not going in there to make small talk or to talk to her about anything other than why she wanted to see me. That's it."

"That's fine." Voight tells her. "They already have her waiting for you." He opens the door for them. "Stella, if you get uncomfortable or anything, just leave; no questions asked, I promise."

" Okay." She takes another deep breath and looks at Kelly, who gives her an encouraging smile. She definitely couldn't go through with this without him.

They walked into the room, both looking around at the tables with prisons sitting at them talking with people. As Stella walks and scans the room, she freezes again once her eyes connect with eyes that match hers. And now she is wishing she hadn't come; she stares at her. She didn't age well; she looks older and more fragile; her silky black hair is now gray and shorter than she remembers. Her face is caved in; you can tell she had a hard life. Drugs do that to you.

"Are you okay?" Kelly asks her, noticing how pale she is.

"Yeah, I just didn't expect her to look so old and fragile looking."

Kelly kisses the side of her head. "We can leave." He reminded her.

"Just remind me I can do this, please."

He turned her around to face him, and he said those words that always encouraged and inspired her. "You got this, Stella Kidd Severide." He kisses her softly.

She caresses his face. "Thank you." She smiled her memorizing smile at him. "I'm ready." She squeezed his hands. "Don't let go of my hand." She tells him.

"I won't, I promise." He brings her hand up to his lips and kisses it.

She took one more deep breath and turned around. And she walked over to the table where her mom was sitting.

Sierra stood up to greet them. Smiling big. "Baby girl, you look beautiful; you look so grown up."

"Why did you want to see me?" Stella got right to the point—she wasn't holding back, and she wasn't here for small talk.

Sierra's smile dropped. "I missed you too, baby."

"It's Stella, not baby." She tells her coldly. "I'm not here to make nice with you Sierra."

"Okay." Sierra looked at Kelly. "So, your Kelly Severide lieutenant of squad 3 and husband of my beautiful baby... I mean my daughter Stella."

Stella looked down at the table. "Yes, that's me." Kelly replied, extending his hand. Stella watched as they shook hands; she wanted to smack her hand away from his, but she knows Kelly is a respectful man, and he is only being nice because that's who he is.

"You guys make a cute couple; please sit." She asked, looking at Stella. Who was a little hesitant at first, but Kelly pulled her down in the chair beside him.

The three sat there in uncomfortable silence. Stella stared at the table, and Kelly watched both women. Sierra stared at Stella. "I've missed you...

"Please don't." Stella interrupted her. Their eyes locked again. "I'm not here to listen to your bullshit and lies. The only reason I'm here is...

"Because the cops asked you too, not because you wanted to see me."

"Right, and to ask you why you wanted to see me, why did you use me as a pawn in your deal to help the intelligence unit?"

Sierra looked at Kelly, who was giving her a skeptical look. "I just wanted to see you, Stella; it's been what ten years or so."

"More like twenty."

"Wow! Twenty." She replied, thinking back. "I didn't realize it was that long."

"It was, it's been twenty something years since you said I wouldn't be good for anything other than a good fuck. And I wasn't going to make anything of myself, but a whore. "

Kelly's eyes widened as he looked at Sierra. She shook her head. " Stella I was probably high and

"And out of your fucking mind. Yeah, you were. What a great thing for a mom to tell her fifteen-year-old, all because she was pissed at her for..." She stopped and looked at Kelly, who was giving her a confused look. "Never mind, I'm not here to relive the past; I'm not here to listen to your fake apology for being a fucked-up mom and treating me and grandma badly; I'm here to get a big drug dealer off the streets; hopefully your compulsive lying ass isn't lying to the police just to see me. Which again, I ask, why? Why did you want to see me? I want the real reason."

"You really are good at holding grudges, huh?" She sighs. "I see she's still stubborn." She jokes, looking at Kelly, who doesn't respond.

"Don't do that!" Stella exclaimed.

"Do what?"

"Try having small talk with my husband; he's not interested. He doesn't want to connect with you; he is here to support me. Not to have a conversation with you about how stubborn I am."

"I see you are still feisty and filled with attitude. You know you get that attitude from your grandma...

"Stop, stop talking." She stood up. "This was a bad idea. I don't know what I was thinking."

" Stella...

"Come on, Kelly." She says this as she pulls Kelly up and starts to walk away.

"Please don't go; I just wanted to see you, talk to you, and hope to see my grandchildren."

Stella stopped her tracks, and she slowly turned to look at her. "How did you know about our children?"

She smirks. "I know everything about you, Stella, everything. Your father and I kept a close eye on you over the years. I know about your first marriage to Grant, and I know about your time in rehab; see, it was in your blood. Rather, you want to admit it or not, you are just like me. I was clean for a while too; do you think you're going to stay clean?"

"Yes, she will because she has me and a whole bunch of people who love her and support her, and she's stronger than you ever gave her credit for. We, her real family, won't let her relapse. You don't let people you love fall." Kelly answered in a relentless tone.

Stella squeezed his hand. "Let it go, Kelly; let's just leave."

She didn't want to hear anymore; she just wanted to go home to her babies and hug them. They turned to walk away again.

"Seriously, you're just going to walk away; is this how you want to remember me? I'm dying, Stella." She yelled.

Causing Stella to pause her movement but she didn't turn around; she just stood there.

"I have six months to live or less, doctors are just guessing, you know how they are."'

She slowly turns around. "I'm pretty sure hell has reserved a seat for you already." She smirked at her and turned away, but her next words made Stella's heart stop.

"Bo Finicky, also known as Bo Kidd is your father. He wants to see you."