Numbness is a loss of feeling or sensation in an area of your body. It can be complete (no feeling at all) or partial (less feeling than usual). It usually affects your hands, fingers, feet, arms, or legs, but it can occur in any part of your body. Even your heart when you receive or witness a heartbreaking event. This is a psychological phenomenon known as emotional numbness. It's something our mind does to help us cope when we're flooded with big emotions. Emotional numbing can have a significant impact on mental health, leading to feelings of detachment.

She was definitely feeling detached from everything and everyone. Usually and times like this, she leans on her firehouse family, but this time things felt different. This time, he's her husband, her kids father, this time it was affecting her real family. She was having trouble processing what happened and why he had to go up to the attic. She wanted to be pissed at him, but deep down she knew if she was the one inside and knew somebody was up in the attic, she too would have risked her life. It's who they are.

Stella felt numb after watching the apartment collapse; she fell to her knees, screaming. She tried to run into the fire, but Herrmann wouldn't let her; she headbutted him and elbowed him. She smacked him repeatedly, but he wouldn't let her go. So she kneeled there, staring at the horrified scene of people running and yelling. Her eyes stay glued to the blaze, hearing Boden calling her husband's name over and over and watching her 51 family run inside, all yelling for her husband. She watched as Boden geared up and ran inside; her eyes were burning from the mixture of smoke and her tears. She doesn't know how long she kneeled there; she does remember anything after watching Cruz, Boden and Tony carry a lifeless body out of the blaze. That's the moment the numbness set in; she knew that lifeless body was her husband.

She doesn't know how she got to Med; she can't feel her legs, so there was no way she walked in here. But somehow she made it inside, where she is sitting and staring at her wedding band. As the whole scene replays in her mind, she watched her husband run into the building, as she has done millions of times. She silently prayed as she stood there, talking to Boden. Like she always does when he's facing a dangerous situation. Praying he comes back out and she doesn't hear those two words every firefighter hates to hear. But unfortunately, she did hear those words, "Firefighter down." Came across the radio at least three or four times from voices she didn't recognize. As she kneeled there with Herrmann, a voice she knew well came across the radio when she heard the most heartbreaking words—words that made her heart literally stop. "Severide's down, Chief." After those words, the numbness kicked in severely.

"Kidd hasn't spoken or even moved since we carried Severide out." Capp says as they all look at Stella, who is staring at her hand.

"She just witnessed her husband being carried out of a fire, Capp. Of course she's not talking or moving; she's numb." Cruz replied to him.

"It's more like she is depersonalized and dissociated." Violet spoke up. All eyes went to her.

"What the hell does that mean?" Tony asked confusedly.

"Yeah, Violet, speak English for us old guys." Herrmann added.

"It's when the body switches to survival mode." Carver answered.

Violet looked at him surprisingly, their eyes connecting. "Correct."

"I know some medical stuff." He told her, noticing her surprise look.

"I don't get it," Capp says, interrupting their moment.

Violet sighed. "When you can't feel your emotions, you're likely to be in a dissociative state. This frequently occurs when people are overwhelmed and the body switches to survival mode, resulting in numbness or blankness." Violet looks back at Stella. "She literally just watched, a apartment building collapsed while her husband was inside, so it makes sense for her to be in this state."

"But there is no emotion at all, she's not even crying. I watched her walk over to the ambulance when we were lifting him inside, and she just stood there staring. She didn't ask if he was okay; what was going on it was like she wasn't really with us."

Tony replied. "Normal behavior Capp."

"First off, that's not normal for Kidd; she's a talker; she would have been asking a thousand questions. It's like she had no words; her reaction was...

"Her reaction was completely normal." Herrmann interrupted Capp.

"Yes, it was!" Violet agreed.

"Trust me, she had a reaction. I was the one holding her back. She was going to run straight into the fire to save him; that's always her first instinct when Severide's in danger." Herrmann looked over at her. "She slapped me, elbowed me, and bit my hand."

"She bit you?"

"Yep, she's not the first person to bite me. I have been bit before by people I was rescuing, and my kids—all five of them—have at least bit me once in their lifetime."

"It comes with being a parent." Cruz chimed in.

Herrmann nods. "Don't say she didn't have any emotion; I had to fight back my own tears as she was screaming and begging him not to leave her. She was, excuse me, she is completely heartbroken. " He looks at Carver and Violet. "That survival mode you guys were talking about—it's completely different when you're a parent. Yeah, everyone goes numb when they witness a loved one hurt, but when you're a parent and you witness your spouse get hurt, the first thing you think of is your kids."

"So true." Boden said joining the conversation. "She's experienced Severide getting hurt on a call before, but this is the first time she's gone through it as a mom, as the mother of his kids. She feels it's her job to stop her emotions and focus on her kids. She thinks she has to be strong and emotionless for her kids."

"It's what parents do; they put their kids above their feelings. They push their emotions away and focus solely on their kids. I guarantee you that is all she is thinking about her kids and what she just witnessed." Herrmann says this as they all look at Stella again. Who was still in the same position, staring at her ring?

"I'll go get her some coffee," Gallo said.

"No, it's a nice jester, Gallo. But she needs this time alone; she isn't going to communicate with us or express any emotions until she knows he's okay." Boden took a deep breath. "I took 51 out of service. I even texted Casey and Brett, just giving them a heads up. The best thing for us to do now is to do what we do best when we are faced with a situation like this. We pray, stay patient, and wait for good news."

"What if it's bad news, like what if he dies?" Michelle Brett's replacement asked.

"He's not going to die." Cruz told her in a stern tone.

She tilted her head. "It's a fifty-fifty chance he will die. Seriously, I'm not trying to upset you; you guys it's just he was unconscious and barely had a pulse when we brought him in, so chances are he's going to die or that he's already dead."

Boden gave her an irritated look. "We know what the chances are, but we are choosing to be positive about the situation, and we are going to stay that way till a doctor tells us otherwise."

"Look, Chief, I have witnessed lots of firefighters get hurt in the past, some make it some didn't; some have suffered a career-ending injury. I'm just saying that positivity is a good thing, but it...

"Michelle, shut the hell up." Violet yelled. "Just keep your opinions to yourself, please." Violet walked away as Carver followed her.

"Geesh... I didn't think she and that Severide dude were that close."

"At 51, we are family; we are all close, especially when one of us is hurt." Boden told her. "You don't have to stay; it is not mandatory that you stay. Since 51 is out of service, you are free to go home if you want."

Michelle smiled. "Cool, I'm out, peeps." She replied happily as she gave them the peace sign and walked away.

Herrmann shook his head. "No disrespect, Chief; we try to tell you she wasn't 51 material. You didn't want to listen to us."

"Yep, we did, and you said she was a breath of fresh air that the firehouse needed." Mouch gave him an are you kidding me look." She is obnoxious and really rude. She has no filter; even when we are on calls, she is rude to the people we are saving, she doesn't

"Fit in at 51." Boden finished for him.

"Right, we got to replace her chief."

"She came highly recommended."

"Well, I believe that recommendation was a lie. I think whatever firehouse she came from just wanted her gone. Did you know we are her fourth firehouse in two years?" Mouch asked him.

"Well, I knew she was transferring to Chicago from Seattle, and I know she's been at twenty-seven; then seventeen; they said she was a great paramedic."

"Which she is, but her attitude is unbearable." Ritter pointed it out.

"I brought some food." Cindy said as she entered the room, interrupting the conversation.

Herrmann turned to see his wife. "Let me help you." He and Mouch grabbed the boxes.

"It's just some sandwiches and chicken salad, I know how much Stella loves my chicken salad. I even have a pitcher of lemonade and sweet tea in the car. Let me go get it."

"I'll get it for you." Ritter told her.

"Oh, thank you; it's in the back seat with some cups." She hands him the keys.

"I'll help." Gallo said, following Ritter out of the room.

Herrmann hugged her tightly. "Any word yet?"

"Nope, you know how this place loves to make you wait."

She rubbed his shoulders. "How's Stella?"

"She's in her own little world right now; we are giving her space while closely watching her." Herrmann nodded his head at Stella.

Cindy looked over at her. "Let me talk to her firefighter wife to firefighter wife. I've been in her position too many times. So I know what's going through her mind."

Herrmann gives her a sorrowful look, knowing the countless times he's scared her. "I could never apologize enough for all the times I scared you."

"Hey! I knew what I was getting into when I married you. Being the wife of a firefighter is what I signed up for, and I wouldn't want it any other way." She kissed him softly. "But just a few years ago, you were in my shoes when I was battling my cancer, so we both know what she's going through." She gave him one more kiss before walking over to Stella.

Herrmann stood there staring at her as his mind filled with memories of when she was fighting cancer, and he was left out here with nothing but worry and a little bit of faith.

Cindy sat down beside Stella. She looked at the black band around her finger, knowing exactly what she was fearing. "Waiting is the worst part." She says this as Stella continues staring at her band. "All of us hate waiting in lines. Our society breeds a "me-first" attitude. Often, the lines in which we wait are slow to move, and we become irritable and angry. Especially at a busy grocery store, we become impatient because we want to get what we need and move on with our lives. The hospital waiting room is an entirely different beast. Here, stress, anxiety, uncertainty, and fear serve to make even the shortest of waits seem unbearable. We sit crouched forward in their uncomfortable chairs while we wonder what is going on behind those doors, and why can't someone give us an update?"

"I can't imagine a world where he's gone." Her voice was lower than a whisper. "I'll feel so lost if he leaves me alone. I can't do this life without him; all I can think of is how the twins light up when he walks into the room.". She got teary-eyed, but no tears. "They are only one. How do you tell one-year-olds their daddy's never coming home?" She pulled out her phone.

"Stella, he's not gone, sweetie...

"We just shared our first Christmas together as a family." She said, cutting Cindy off, she pulled up pictures from Christmas. "We did family Christmas pajamas and watched Rudolph the red-nose reindeer, Charlie Brown's Christmas, and Frosty the Snowman." She smiled. "They loved the snowman, the Grinch, not so much he's scared, Benny."she laughed softly.

Cindy smiled as Stella strolled through the pictures on her phone. "They had a great first Christmas; there were so many things Kelly and I planned to do with them."

"Stella, he's still with us; don't give up hope." Cindy told her as she squeezed her knee.

"I wanted to take them to see the Easter Bunny and do an egg hunt with them." She continues on. "I had this idea about getting the kids hand prints put on a shirt or a hoodie that says number one dad or something like that, for Father's Day. We talked about taking them to the beach, building a sandcastle, and going to Disneyland. We have a lot of stuff planned." She sighed. "We want our kids to have a good childhood, especially since ours wasn't the best. But losing a parent is definitely not a childhood memory I want them to have. "

"They will have a good childhood with both their parents." Cindy tells her in a positive way. "Severide is going to be fine, honey. I'm going to need you to be as positive as you were when you were in here. You guys are going to have a good life together; I just know it. Even maybe another baby or two." She jokes.

Stella smiled at that thought. Another baby; she definitely wouldn't mind being pregnant again. "I don't want to let go; I'm not ready; I know I'm not that strong; I won't survive without him. I can't raise them on my own."

Cindy wrapped her arms around her. "Stella, look at me." She said it in a demanding tone. She looks at the older lady. "I refuse to believe that Severide's number is up. He's going to be okay. The waiting stinks; the waiting makes you worry more that's what the hospital does. Trust me, the doctor or nurse is going to come in here and say he is fine. Stay positive for me, please."

"I feel numb." She whispered. "On the scene, I was screaming and crying, begging Herrmann to let me go. But once I saw them bring out his body, I went numb. I walked slowly over to the ambulance and heard he wasn't breathing. Then someone said he had a weak pulse, and then... She trailed off as she replayed what she heard.

All eyes went to her as she talked to Cindy. They were all relieved that she was opening up to someone.

"And what?" Cindy questioned seeing the fear and heartbreak in her eyes. Told her that there was a bigger reason why she felt Severide wasn't alive. "Talk to me, Stella, about what happened next."

"I heard Violet say there was a pulse, but he wasn't breathing, and she began rescue breathing—one breath every five seconds. Then Michelle said there wasn't a pulse and he wasn't breathing. She said, He's in..." She closed her eyes; as she tried to say the words she heard; panic was creeping in. She wanted to cry, but tears just weren't coming.

"Just breath." Cindy whispers, trying to calm her down. They were all curious about what she heard.

After a few minutes of silence, "Michelle said he was in cardiac arrest; Violet immediately began CPR. "Her tone was shaky. "Then Michelle said, Violet, stop; he was gone when they brought him out. Stop trying to be a hero. Call it, the man's dead. I don't remember anything after those words."

Cindy's eyes widened, and she looked at Herrmann, who looked irritated.

"Michelle is a moron." Violet said, walking over to Stella. "Severide was breathing when we brought him in; his pulse was weak, but he was breathing."

"Violet got him breathing again." Ritter added.

"He was alert when I picked him up." Cruz told her. "He asked where you were. I told him you were good; a few seconds later, he collapsed."

Stella looks up at him. "Really?" Her tone was filled with hope.

"Yes."

"Stella his heart did stop, he did stop breathing, but I promise you he was breathing when we got him here." Violet swore to her. "Michelle shouldn't had say anything, I torn into after she said that. "

Boden's phone rings. "It's your mother-in-law." He said this, looking at Stella. "Hello."

"I didn't even call her; she is going to be so upset with me. I forgot about her. All I could think of is Kelly and the kids."

"No, she won't; she's going to understand that you were overwhelmed; your focus was on your husband."

Stella smiled at Cindy. "Thank you; I feel a little better. I would feel a lot better if I knew what was going on back there."

Boden rubbed his head. "Stella Jennifer is on her way; Bob has the kids. And Ritter, do you have access to our social media account?"

"Yes Chief."

"I need you to go on there and do some damage control."

"Damage control on what?"

Boden looked at Stella, giving him a suspicious look. "Jennifer called because someone called her, giving her condolences on the loss of her son. Stella's eyes widen. "Michelle did a post telling the community that Firehouse 51 lost a firefighter tonight."

"Seriously? What the hell gave her the right to even access our page? Why would she think that was okay?" Stella asked angrily.

"I don't know what made her think it was okay to write anything. But I will definitely be talking to her, and I promise she is out. I will find a replacement by next shift or do some rearranging because she has to go."

"Yes, she does." Violet tells him. "Hell, Emma Jacobs was a devious bitch, but I would rather deal with her bullshit right now than this chick, she's good at what she does she knows her stuff; I'll give her that, but her communication skills suck, she doesn't understand that theirs certain things you just don't say when you're on a call."

"Seriously?" Ritter questioned her."You would prefer psycho bitch back?"

Violet thought about it for a minute. "Okay, I couldn't handle working with her either. Not again. There has to be someone out there that's not physco."

"Hopefully," Ritter told her. "May... He trailed off as Maggie walked into the room.

Maggie gave them a small smile. "Give it to us straight, Maggie." Herrmann spoke up when he realized Stella couldn't find the words.

Everyone turned and looked at Maggie, Stella studied her face closely, trying to read if she had good news or bad. Her throat went dry, and she silently thanked Herrmann for speaking for her.

Maggie looked at Stella. "He went into cardiac arrest, but lucky Violet immediately took action. She pretty much saved his life." She tells them looking at Violet. Ritter smiles and rubbed Violet's shoulder.

Stella's eyes widened. She slowly stood up. "He's okay? He's really okay? Like he's awake, he's alert, he's...

"Stella," Maggie said, stopping her from rambling. She grabbed her shoulders.

"Yes, he's really okay, and he's awake; he's alert; he knows where he is; he seems a little preoccupied."

"What do you mean?"

"How about you go see him? He's been asking for you. Let him tell you what he told me; you can probably help more than I can."

Stella smiled. "What caused him to go into cardiac arrest? His heart is healthy; he just went for his yearly checkup a few months ago. The doctor said he was in good health."

"Well, unfortunately, sudden cardiac arrest can happen to the healthiest of people. We are running a test and hoping to have some answers soon, but we are also leaning towardsCommotio Cordis."

"Wow! I never thought about that." Violet says.

"What exactly is that?" Stella asked, looking between Maggie and Violet.

"It's a condition in which an abnormal heart rhythm, ventricular fibrillation, and cardiac arrest happen immediately upon an object hitting you in the chest." Violet answers her.

"Yes, usually something small and hard like a baseball or hockey puck strikes the chest directly over the heart at a very critical time during a heartbeat." Maggie finished

Stella arched her eyebrow. "So, you think something during the collapse hit his chest, causing the sudden cardiac arrest?"

"We aren't certain, but it's a theory right now."

"Did you ask him if he got hit in the chest with something?"

"Yes, but he doesn't remember. He's still processing what happened; he knows bits and pieces. That's why I said you should talk to him; I figured you could help him connect the dots better."

"Stella." Jennifer yelled, running into the hospital.

Stella went straight. "He's good; he's awake; he's alert."

"Oh, thank God." Jennifer said it in a thankful tone. "I prayed so hard driving over here; I was scared."

"Me too." Stella hugged her tightly. "Come on, we can see him." They walked to his room and slowly walked in. His eyes lit up.

"Boy, you had me so scared," Jennifer said as she went straight to him, hugging him.

"I'm okay, mom." He reassured her. His eyes locked with his wife. He loved his mom more than anything, but all he wanted right now was to hold his wife.

She gave him a small smile. "How are you feeling?" Jennifer asked as she broke the hug.

"I'm good—a little sore but good."

"You had me so scared."

"I know, mom, I'm sorry." He stares at Stella, who looks lost. He reaches for her hand, but she crosses her arms around her chest. Ignoring the painful look on his face.She couldn't touch him not yet, she was afraid of breaking down, and didn't want to do it in front of Jennifer.

"Do they have any idea what caused it?" Jennifer asked.

Stella stood there pretending to listen to their conversation; her mind was still processing that he went into cardiac arrest and that she could have been a widow. A widow with two toddlers, they both love their job; running into fires is what they signed up for. But now they are parents; now they have two innocent lives depending on them, and they need them to come home to them. They don't even have a will drawn up; what will happen to the twins if they both die on a call? Yeah, they have Jennifer as the only family they basically have besides their extended firehouse family. But what if something happened to Jennifer? Where would the kids be?

Kelly watched Stella closely as his mom continued on about whatever she was complaining about. He hated that she was acting so distant; he needed to get her alone. He needed to get his mom to leave the room so he could see what was wrong with his wife. Luckily, at that moment, Maggie walked into the room.

"Sorry to interrupt, guys, but the rest of the firehouse wanted me to let you know they were calling it a night. They said they would stop by tomorrow; they figured you two needed some time alone tonight."

"Thank you," Stella replied, finally speaking for the first time since she came into the room.

"Do you need anything Kelly? You good."

"I'm good, Maggie." He tells her, looking at Stella, who was looking off into the distance.

"I'll be right back." Stella said as she suddenly walked out of the room.

Kelly sighed. "Stella!" he yelled.

Stella walked quickly, looking around for Violet. She sighed in relief as she saw her standing at the front desk. "Violet, you're still here."

"Yeah, I was distracted. I forgot to do the paperwork." She said this as she continued writing.

Stella pulled her into a hug. "Thank you."

Violet was a little confused. "For what?"

"Saving my husband."

"Stella, it wasn't anything special. It's my job."

Stella pulled back. "He went into cardiac arrest, and you immediately jumped into action, if you haven't..." Her voice cracked.

Violet is teary-eyed. "Your welcome." She replied, figuring that was what she needed to hear. "I'm glad he's okay; those kids need their dad. As much as you need your husband, You're my favorite little family."

Stella kissed her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too." They hugged again, this time a little longer.

"I should get back to him."

"I will be by tomorrow to check on you guys."

"Okay." Stella turned around to head back to Kelly's room. She was surprised to see Jennifer walking towards her. "Did Maggie kick us out?"

"No, I figured I would give you two some alone time, plus the twins like to walk over top of Bob." She laughed. "I will be by in the morning; I'll stop by the house and get you some clothes."

"Bring the twins, so they can see their dad. Maggie said they were keeping him for a few days while they observed him and finished running tests. "

"I will." She hugged her and kissed her cheek. "You don't have to continue to be strong; you want to cry. Then cry. Even though he's okay, you can still cry."

Stella nods. "Be safe." She says as the hug broke.

Jennifer just nods. "I will. Goodnight, Stella."

"Night." She replied as she watched her walk away. She hadn't cried a single tear since she walked into this hospital. She has been so numb that tears aren't even processing. Or maybe she was all cried out; she cried a lot on the scene. She slowly walked back to Kelly's room, stopping at the door. Taking a deep breath. She opened the door; his eyes were closed, and she figured he was sleeping or resting his eyes.

She walked over to him slowly, checking all the machines he was hooked up to. She lifted his hand, interlocking her fingers with his. His eyes snapped open.

"I'm okay." He tells her as their eyes connected. She doesn't say anything; she kisses his forehead, then his nose, his cheeks, then his lips. It was a soft and tender kiss. His hand goes to the back of her neck to deepen the kiss—a kiss that breaks her numbness. He pulls back as warm tears hit his chin. "Stella, I'm fine."

One simple kiss had her crying like a waterfall. She pulls down his hospital gown; he's connected to a heart monitor. She places her hand over his heart and closes her eyes. As she feels his heart beat, she then leans over and kisses his heart. "Your heart stopped, Kelly; I almost lost you today." She swallowed hard as she looked up at him. "I can't even explain the numbness that kicked in at the thought of losing you. I've never been so scared or broken in my entire life."

He caresses her cheek. "I know exactly what you're feeling; trust me. I was going through the same thing after the twins were born. Waiting for you to wake up, all these different scenarios playing in my head of a life without you. A life I didn't want to live.

"Me either." She laid her head on his chest as he rubbed her back smoothly. "I don't want to live in this world without you, I can't do it." She continues crying.

His tears start falling. "Me either baby.

Laid down with me."

"I don't think that's a good idea with all the wires...

"I don't care; I need to hold you; I need you to know your save, and I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." He tells her, cutting her off. He sees the unsureness and uncertainty in her eyes. He knows she was going through hell in that waiting room."Please, holding you will bring me so much peace."

She took off her boots and climbed carefully into the bed, not bothering the wires. She snuggled up to him, kissed his chin, and he leaned down and kissed her lips. Her tears were still falling, and he wiped them away. "I love you." He whispered against her forehead.

"I love you too, so much." She whispered back. There was so much she wanted to talk about; she wanted him to know she saw the collapse; she wanted to know what Maggie was talking about; she wanted to know if he did get hit in the chest with something; did he remember the collapse? She wanted to talk about a will so the kids would be taken care of. But she decided it was best to just enjoy being in his arms and listening to his heartbeat. Her favorite place was being in his embrace as she slept; she felt the safest in his arms. As she lay her head upon his chest, his heart beat to a tune that soothed her soul; it brought her so much peace. It was like listening to her favorite song. She closed her eyes, and within minutes she was sleeping.

Kelly held her as close as he could, his mind replaying the collapse, the woman, and the baby he found in the attic. He was helping them down the ladder when the roof collapsed. He can't help but wonder if they got out safely. He wanted to ask Stella, but he knew she was preoccupied with him being in here; the best thing for her was to sleep. He'll ask her maybe in the morning. The weird part was that the woman he thinks he saved or tried to save looked so familiar. Which is why he doesn't want to tell Stella. She looked exactly like Stella; he swears they could be twins. She looked a lot younger than his wife, but she could definitely pass as her sister or cousin. He was curious if there was a chance Stella had siblings; she's never mentioned any, but maybe she doesn't know. The question is, does she want to know? She made it clear where she stands with Sierra and Bo, but would she want to meet her siblings, or should he just pretend he never saw her? He kissed the top of her head; she didn't need anymore drama and stress in her life. Especially with her mom out there somewhere, she's bound to show up somewhere soon.

He closed his eyes, deciding to sleep on it for now; he needed his rest. He will decide what to do tomorrow, but for now, he just wanted to hold his sleeping wife. And be thankful that God wasn't ready for him yet; he wasn't ready to leave his family yet either..