(Paul)
The sun had long risen by the time I finally managed to leave Bella's house, and her out-of-his-damn-mind father. I only humored him because I was being a damn creep, I thought bitterly as I stalked off, still pissed off with the world, but mostly myself, for caving and trespassing in her home. What the hell has this woman done to me?
I vaguely thought back to all the house rules he had insisted on, I had tried several times to tell him they were unnecessary, I wasn't going to stick around long enough to need them, but like literally everyone else he ignored my protests. I had fought to keep myself calm, I don't get off on hurting the elderly. I stormed into the woods, making sure I'd entered far enough to be hidden by the shadows of the trees before stripping down one final time and shifting, picking up my clothes between my teeth. It was one of the more annoying parts of this whole damn curse, second only to the stupid damn bond.
The bond. Bella. I could tell she was still asleep, something in her dreams seemed to have shifted, because her dormant emotions settled down about an hour ago. My thoughts raced as I took off running through the trees, making my way back to Sam's.
Not to check on Bella.
Really, not to check on Bella.
I'm serious. I'm just hungry. That's all. Emily makes good bacon.
I ignored the fact that I wasn't actually the least bit hungry, too caught up in the surge of emotions Bella had sent me through our bond all night.
Damn it, no, that's not it.
Coffee.
I just happen to want some coffee. My tin at home's low.
A third of the way gone's low.
The trees blurred past me as I ran, my thoughts running with me. I thought over everything that had happened yesterday, last night in particular. What the hell had freaked her out so bad? I remembered her trembling frame, the strange things she kept mumbling, over and over.
'Don't hurt me. Don't hurt me anymore.'
'I'll behave.'
'I promise.'
'I'll obey.'
What the hell happened to her?
I didn't want to care, I didn't, but I couldn't deny that I did. I wanted- no I needed to know what had happened to her- who had hurt her, Emily's words echoed in my mind now. That can be normal for someone having a ptsd flashback.
Ptsd? Who the hell gave her ptsd?
I was very confident it wasn't her father, he seemed to be more concerned for her than I was. Don't forget, you're a complete stranger to her. A complete douchey stranger. I had no business digging into her life, or even her past. I'm nothing to her. For some reason, it hurt to think out loud. You're supposed to be walking away, Paul.
I didn't know what had happened to her, what had broken her, but irrationally I was angry with her rotting corpse of an ex boyfriend. He should have never left her if she was this broken. I couldn't fathom how he could have walked away and shattered her heart so completely when she was obviously this emotionally destroyed to begin with. It was irresponsible. Then I slowed for a moment and stopped in my tracks, about halfway through my run.
If I break this bond right now, I'll be no different than him.
I remembered what Sam had said yesterday in his backyard. 'You have a hold on her now, too.' When Sam had imprinted on Emily, he had fought it at first. Tooth and nail. And Emily, who was already struggling with her own past trauma, her suffering increased ten fold. It had started with little symptoms at first, for both of them, but the more time went on…. Sam only relented when Emily became so weak she was almost bedridden, her strength had been zapped from her, seeing her that weak, knowing it was ultimately his fault….
Bella won't survive that. Not right now.
Damn it.
I can't do it to her. Not yet.
I'd have to wait until she was stronger, until I could be sure that she could handle whatever symptoms we each faced once I did find a way to break our bond, until I was sure she could survive it. Get her help, then walk away.
That was probably the most difficult part of the plan.
'How do you get a stranger to get therapy?' Would therapy even be enough at this point? I dropped my clothes and scowled, how can a useless idiot like me even help her, anyway? I had no experience with broken women, well, I had a lot of experience with women, but they hadn't been the broken kind….
Realizing that I was wasting time, lost in thought in the forest, I picked my clothes back up between my jaws and had begun to run again. I tried to clear my mind as I made my way back to the reservation.
I made a shitty first impression, I need to fix that….
If I was going to help Bella in any capacity, so that I could make a clean break, then I needed to actually establish a real connection with her. I needed to reintroduce myself… and somehow make it up to her for the absolute douche bag I was yesterday. But how? It's not like I can walk up to her and just say 'Hey I'm Paul, sorry I was an asshole', it would only confuse her more…. I continued to rack my brain as I finally made my way to Sam's house, to Bella….
I found the usual place we used for phasing and changing whenever we had to leave Sam's, unphased and got dressed. I had begun to walk around to the front of the house when I overheard Jacob arguing with Sam.
"What the hell happened to her-? Why-?"
"It's not your business anymore, Jacob. She's going to be fine, that's all you need to know."
"Bullshit, Sam! I saw how broken she was during patrol- what did he do to her?!"
I strode over to him.
"Whatever the hell I want, now beat it."
He grabbed the collar of my shirt.
"What did you do!?"
I slammed a fist into his face and he stumbled back for a moment, before shaking it off and raising his own to retaliate, knocking me back just as I had him. Needs to work on his right hook. I raised another fist and left hooked his jaw this time, hearing the satisfying pop.
"Goddamn it you two!" Sam interjected again, "That's enough! Both of you, stand down and step back- now!"
We were both compelled to let the other go and step back, unable to disobey the order. We glared at each other.
"I don't answer to you, dip shit."
"Wanna bet-!?"
Sam stepped between us again.
"I said, 'Enough'! This is going to end!"
He faced Jacob.
"We all know how you feel about the girl, but it doesn't change anything-"
"It changes everything!"
"It changes nothing, as I already told you, Jacob, the girl is fine now."
"That's not good enough, what did he do to her!?"
"And I'll tell you again, I don't answer to you." My body trembled with pure rage.
"I'm not going to stand by and watch you hurt her-!"
"Goddamn it Jacob, she's not hurt, he didn't hurt her! Now stay out of this!"
"No-!"
"Yes, now go out back and wait for me, we're going to have a talk."
Pissed off almost as much as I was, he turned away, pausing to call over his back.
"Sam can't protect you forever."
"Sam's the only reason I haven't broken every bone in your body yet."
"Enough. Go, Jacob."
Jacob growled, but did as he was ordered and left to walk around back to wait for Sam. When I do break his damn bones I'm going to enjoy every crunch.
Sam turned back to me.
"I see you came to check on Bella."
"I came for coffee."
He eyed me. "Sure you did." He turned around, and began to walk up the stairs of the porch towards the front door and I followed, eagerly listening as he talked. "Emily finally calmed her down and convinced her to stay. She tried to leave, she thinks she barged in, she doesn't remember being carried here. She fell asleep about three thirty this morning, but you already knew that. She whimpered a lot, screamed once, but she finally dropped into a deep sleep after a couple of hours, but you already know that, too. She woke up a while ago, and Emily loaned her some clothes so she could shower, which she's doing now. She's emotionally drained, and a bit groggy, Emily said that's to be expected." Sam opened the door. "What did you find?"
I answered as we stepped through. "Nothing, no one had intruded except for me, not living or dead. The house was completely undisturbed."
"What took you so long?"
"My dumb ass got distracted and didn't notice her father had woken up until he found me."
Sam paused for a moment then laughed.
"With our superior sense of hearing and smell? You're right, you were a dumb ass."
"Don't rub it in, I feel stupid enough. Apparently he knows about us."
"He- what? How? Did you blab?"
"No, our chieftain did."
"Billy-? I can't imagine why… I'll need to stop by his house today then, figure out what the hell is on his mind."
We made our way to the kitchen, where Emily stood by the stove, mixing a big bowl of pancake batter. No one else had shown up yet, except for Jacob, who was stuck waiting in the backyard for Sam. I pushed his dumb ass out of my thoughts, more focused on Bella and how she was feeling….
Sam stepped out the backdoor leaving me alone with Emily. I awkwardly surveyed the kitchen, trying to think of a way to broach the subject.
"Staring at my cabinets isn't going give you an answer, you might as well ask me your question."
Damn, woman's too observant.
"I-... uh…" Stupid pride. "How do I fix this?" I asked in defeat.
"That depends on what you're trying to fix."
"The first impression I made on Bella."
"I thought you didn't care?"
"I don't- but-," I sighed in defeat. "I can't, you know, abandon her yet. I can't put her through what you and Sam went through, not yet, I don't think she could survive it. Not right now. I don't even have a way to break our bond yet, and… it's only a matter of time before…."
"I see. So… you're wanting to make amends without outwardly making amends, so she won't suffer so much if-"
"-when,"
"-when you break the bond. Well, you already botched your introduction, maybe you should try showing her you're not a complete ass-"
"I am an ass, Emily."
"No, you have a prickly outer shell, that you never let anyone get even close to breaching. You are a good man, Paul, you just won't let anyone know it."
I blushed crimson, of course Emily thinks the best of me, she thinks the best of everyone.
"It sounds to me like you and Bella need a chance to actually get acquainted, to get to know each other. Not to talk about the imprint, but to talk about yourselves."
She placed the bowl down and leaned across the counter from me.
"As it happens, my little niece is in dire need of a babysitter Wednesday, and I've forgotten about a very important hair appointment I can't reschedule." She winked at me. "Maybe I've found my knight's in shining armors?"
Sam walked in and shut the backdoor, he eyed me.
"I thought you came for coffee?"
"I don't have time, gotta get some sleep before work."
I stood and turned back to Emily before leaving.
"It's a-, I'll be there."
