Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.
Even while he was racing at top speed toward the hospital, Elliot had the presence of mind to radio ahead and notify the emergency room of their impending arrival. Operating solely on autopilot, he managed to relay what information he knew - such as how far along Olivia was in her pregnancy, the name of her OBGYN, and the most recent head injury. It was when he was describing the symptoms that caused her to lose consciousness that his fragile hold on his spiraling emotions began to crumble, and Elliot struggled to stay in control. Olivia and their child needed him to stay strong for them. This was not the time for him to fall apart.
Pulling up to the doors next to the ambulance bay at Mercy General, Elliot barely had the car in park before he was jumping out of the vehicle and racing around to the passenger side. Scooping Olivia into his arms as though she weighed nothing at all, he carried her into the emergency department, shouting for a doctor as he went.
"Help. I need help over here!"
Much to Elliot's relief, he was swarmed by a treatment team almost immediately. Though he was reluctant to let go of Olivia, he knew he was placing her in the care of people who would be the most help. As his partner was placed on a gurney and swept away to a treatment room, he tried desperately to follow, only to be pushed to the side as a door was closed between them, leaving him on the outside looking in.
"Let us help her. I promise, someone will come find you as soon as we know anything."
Feeling lost, and utterly helpless, Elliot retraced his steps. It was only through logic alone that he remembered that moving the car would be necessary. As soon as he was back in the waiting room, he took up residence in the chair that was closest to the spot where he knew Olivia to be. Given half the chance, he would keep vigil somewhere closer, but this was the place where he had been relegated to. It didn't seem fair, to be kept so far away, even if somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he did understand the reasons behind it. His heart and soul where in that room, and until he knew they would both be okay, Elliot didn't think he'd be able to breathe. Instead, he decided to pray.
Rather than fall back on any of the formal invocations that he was familiar with, Elliot instead opted for a steady stream of pleas that fell from his lips in a continuous whisper. They became a mantra, an echo in his head forever on repeat, and he wouldn't stop until he knew for certain that his efforts had been successful.
The more time that passed, the more that Elliot realized that he couldn't manage on his own. The clock on the wall that he had been staring at in an almost unforgiving manner informed him that nearly forty five minutes had elapsed since he'd first brought Olivia here to the hospital. No matter what the outcome, she was going to need support – and so would he.
Not wanting to leave for even the briefest of moments – lest he miss a crucial update – Elliot instead opted to contact their Captain via text. He was somewhat calmed by the knowledge that the message wouldn't be ignored. Given the nature of their jobs, their phones were on at all times. He shouldn't have to wait long for a reply.
As though his prediction were proven true, a chime sounded almost immediately after Elliot had first attempted to contact Cragen. Flipping his phone open and scanning the contents of the reply, Elliot exhaled a sigh of relief. Cragen and Fin were on their way to the hospital. Munch had wanted to come, too, but was staying behind to act as commanding officer in the Captain's absence. Confident in knowing that backup was coming soon, Elliot tried again to calm his anxious heart.
Belatedly, Elliot thought of someone else who should be apprised of the situation at hand. Given that he didn't know how serious Olivia's condition was, and that it could potentially be related to the injury she sustained out in Oregon, Elliot knew he'd need to contact Dana Lewis. Olivia's undercover operation may have been confidential to a degree, but should there be a need to access any of those medical records, he wanted to get the ball rolling now. More grateful than ever that he hadn't deleted the FBI agent's number from his phone, Elliot hastily pulled it up from his contacts and tried to reach out. It was discouraging when his call was sent directly to voicemail, but he made sure to stress the importance of the situation. Opting to leave not only his number, but Cragen's as well as a potential return contact, Elliot left a message and hoped that Dana would be in touch as soon as possible. He had just ended the call when two very panicked co-workers rushed into the emergency room. Spying him almost immediately, they raced over to his side.
"Elliot, what's going on? You said Olivia collapsed? Is there any news?"
"Nothing yet. I've been waiting for close to an hour, and no one has told me anything. I'm going out of mind."
As best as he could, Elliot explained what had happened in the car while he was driving Olivia to her apartment, leaving out the more personal details. He didn't even realize he was crying until he ran a hand over his face and felt the wetness on his cheeks. Cragen was just about to respond when a woman in scrubs stepped into the waiting room and looked around.
"Family of Olivia Benson?"
Elliot felt sick to his stomach. He wanted to know how his partner was in the worst way possible, but at the same time, he didn't know if he could bear hearing bad news. Getting to his feet, he felt his confidence strengthened by the two men standing beside him, and held his breath as he waited for the doctor to join them.
"I'm Dr. Carlisle, and I'm the physician in charge of Detective Benson's care here in the emergency room. I'm terribly sorry for having made you wait so long before coming to give you an update, but we wanted to be sure we had all the necessary information."
The fact that there seemed to be no real sense of urgency put Elliot mildly at ease. Not by much, however, as he understood just how critical Olivia's condition could be.
"In addition to performing a battery of tests, including a CT scan, we've had Detective Benson on a fetal heart monitor since she was admitted, and I'm pleased to say that her injury has had no impact on the child she is carrying. We've also gotten in contact with Detective Benson's personal OBGYN Dr. Barrett, so she is aware of the situation. Our on call obstetrician will examine her again shortly, and the two will be in constant communication."
Allowing himself to exhale a sigh of relief, Elliot couldn't help but feel as though the other shoe was about to drop. There was something that the doctor hadn't told them yet, and whatever it was, Elliot had a feeling that he wouldn't like whatever it was he was about to hear.
"As for the injuries themselves, the CT has revealed that Detective Benson has suffered what is called a subdural hematoma, or a bleed on the brain. While these sorts of things typically are caught right away, they can go unnoticed for days or even weeks before the symptoms become apparent enough to warrant attention. This would explain the headaches that your partner described, along with the stomach upset, dizziness, and slurred speech."
Staggering back, Elliot was expecting to fall – not that he cared – only to be bolstered up by the arms of Fin and his Captain. Bleeding on the brain. Someone had hurt Olivia, hit her hard enough, that she had bleeding on the brain. What he wouldn't give to have five minutes alone with the officer who had wielded that flashlight, but he knew this wasn't the time to be plotting revenge. What mattered now was Olivia, and knowing for certain that she would be all right.
"What is the course of treatment?"
"Relieving the pressure is our top priority. We'd like to do that with a procedure, where we drill something called burr holes into the skull to
break up the bleed. While still technically brain surgery, it's the less invasive option and will have a much faster recovery period."
Brain surgery. Just when Elliot thought he was back on solid ground, this doctor pulled yet another rug out from under him. When would he hit rock bottom?
"How soon can we make that happen?"
"We've called in a neurosurgeon, and they will come to assess as soon as possible. In the meantime, we are giving Detective Benson a blood transfusion. Not only will that help to minimize her recovery time, but it will help to replace any levels that may have been depleted for however long the slow bleed has been going on. Also, the on call OB would like to do an ultrasound to further confirm that everything is okay with the development of the fetus. However, Detective Benson thought you would like to be present for that."
What now? Olivia was awake, and the doctor hadn't thought that was important to mention before now? Of course he wanted to see her. Given half the chance, Elliot would knock over anyone standing in his way in his attempts to get to his partner's side. With a glance over his shoulder at his Captain and Fin, the encouraging nods were all he needed.
"Take me to her, please."
In Elliot's mind, the walk down the corridor to Olivia's room had taken even longer than the weeks he had waited for her to return. He didn't know what to expect when he stepped across the threshold of that glass partition, but he put on his bravest face.
"Hey, partner."
Olivia was paler than she had been in Cragen's office, but was nonetheless sitting propped up in the hospital bed. There was an IV in one arm, and a cannula under her nose providing her with supplemental oxygen. Across her midsection, there was a device that Elliot wasn't as familiar with, but once glance at the screen to the right of the bed informed him that it was keeping track of their baby's heart rate. Before he had a chance to say anything, Olivia beat him to it. There was no mistaking the tears in her eyes that matched his own.
"El, I'm sorry."
Her apology was breaking his heart. Not wanting her to put any unnecessary pressure on herself for any reason, Elliot crossed the few remaining steps to stand by her side. Taking Olivia's hand in his, he brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles.
"I don't want you to worry about that. All that matters is that you are okay. As for our little one here, it seems she is just as strong as her mama. I wouldn't have it any other way."
What Elliot wanted more than anything – aside from Olivia to be miraculously healed and home safe in her apartment – was an infinite amount of time with his partner. But that just wasn't meant to be. Before he could utter another word, someone entered the room. This particular individual did not give the appearance of being a medical professional. Ever on alert, Elliot took a step closer to the bed, in an attempt to shield Olivia as much as he could. He didn't know what this person wanted, but he was determined to protect his partner with every breath in his body. Of course, Olivia was able to pick up on the change in him, even as ill as she was.
"Easy, El. I asked them to come. I hate to spring this on you so suddenly, but it's something that can't wait."
More confused than ever, Elliot began to understand what Olivia was referring to when the other person explained their identity and their job title. They were here to help his partner fill out the necessary forms for an Advance Directive, and Olivia was wanting to name him as her proxy in charge of her care should she become unable to make decisions on her own behalf. The sheer idea of that very scenario becoming a possibility made Elliot sick to his stomach, yet at the same time he couldn't help but feel incredibly humbled that Olivia trusted him enough to quite literally put her life in his hands. Yes, it was what they did every day out in the field as partners on the job, but this was a completely different matter. While he had knowingly been Olivia's emergency contact ever since the death of her mother, neither of them had ever discussed the potential of a situation like this one – even though they probably should have. As important as the procedure was, and imperative the need for Olivia to have it as soon as possible, Elliot couldn't help but pray for enough time to talk things out.
Though he had made certain to pay attention, everything about the process of filling out the papers had seemed so surreal to Elliot. He hadn't had one moment of hesitation about signing his name to the page, though. Thankfully, Olivia had been a few steps ahead of him, and already put the majority of her wishes in writing. It was an additional relief that most of those involved worst case scenarios, and none that he should have to think about as possible outcomes for anything they were dealing with today.
Before long the partners were on their own again, and Elliot was grateful for the reprieve. He also realized that another interruption would be inevitable, so he was quick to speak the words on his mind and in his heart, even if it may not be the most appropriate time or place.
"Liv, I just need you to know something. Before you say anything, I want to make it clear that I'm not going to pressure you, and I will wait however long it takes. I know you're going through a lot right now, and I don't want to make it worse."
Placing her hand on his were it rested on the bars of the bed she was currently lying in, Olivia squeezed gently.
"Elliot, whatever it is, spit it out."
"I love you. I should have told you in the hallway after Gitano. I should have told you that night in your apartment, or when you came to see me after the fight with Blaine. I should have said something one of the many times we talked while you were out in Oregon. I was just too scared if I said too much too soon, you wouldn't come back to me at all."
Olivia looked up at her partner, trying to absorb his heartfelt confession. Her eyes were wet with tears, but it was from the outpouring of emotion, and not as a result of pain.
"And now?"
"Now, I'm just as terrified, but it's more from a fear of losing you completely. I thought I was going to have to say goodbye to you again today, Liv – both of you – permanently. And my heart just couldn't take that."
Opening her arms wide, Olivia invited Elliot in for a hug – at least the best they could manage given their current positions.
"I'm not going anywhere. You should know I'm too stubborn for that. I promise that you're going to be stuck with me for a long time. Stuck with both of us. And, because I know you need to hear it as much as I did - I love you, too."
The pair shared a brief kiss before a knock on the glass partition caused them to separate. Rather than resenting the interruption, Elliot felt a small thrill in his heart. Not only had Olivia just openly accepted his love and admitted to loving him in return, but he easily recognized the scrubs that this particular doctor wore. They were the color of those assigned to the OB department, so that must mean they were here to perform the ultrasound. He was finally going to get the chance to see his daughter with Olivia in person.
As the ultrasound machine had been moved into the room previously for this very purpose, all that needed to be done now was get everything situated. After the fetal heart rate monitor was temporarily disconnected, Olivia looked to Elliot for help. Once he had permission from the doctor, he lowered the bed rail on the side he was standing on in an effort to allow him to be closer to his partner. Olivia raised the hospital gown she was wearing, exposing the gentle swell of her abdomen. As when she'd previously had these done, she anticipated being warned about the temperature of the gel – only to be pleasantly surprised that the one here had in fact been warmed.
A few moments later, an image was on the screen, and the whooshing sound of their baby's heartbeat that was music to both Elliot and Olivia's ears filled the room. That didn't stop either of them from collectively holding their breaths until the diagnostic imaging was complete, however – both wanting to be certain that their baby was in perfect health. Even with the impending surgery that awaited her, all Olivia cared about was the well being of her child.
"Everything looks good here, Olivia. Development is right on track for this stage of your pregnancy. While you still have another couple of weeks before we can say with one hundred percent certainty, I have to agree with the previous guess that you are carrying a girl."
Olivia looked to her right, to find Elliot beaming down at her. Once again, he was on the verge of tears, and making no attempt to hide his display of emotion. Though she had yet to spring that particular bombshell on him just yet, Olivia knew she could count on her partner to keep their child safe should something go wrong later today. All she needed was enough of a miracle that would get her baby to term. Of course she wanted more than anything to meet her daughter and raise a family with Elliot, but if that wasn't meant to be her fate, then she knew Elliot would be the best father she could have ever asked for. It was just a matter of figuring out how to ask him without breaking his heart.
After printing a couple of copies of the ultrasound so that both Olivia and Elliot could have them as keepsakes, the attending OB left the partners on their own again. Elliot knew he wouldn't have long with Olivia before the next doctor came in, as they were still expecting a visit from the neurosurgeon. Though he tried not to let his fear show visibly, the impending procedure that Olivia would have to endure had Elliot terrified. He wasn't sure just how much she was aware of, though, and didn't want to worry her unnecessarily. There would be plenty of time for him to break down in private later, but for now, he needed to be solid. Not that he was ashamed of his emotions – that was anything but the case – he just understood how much undue stress could impact a pregnancy, and he wanted to project an aura of calm and steady, so Olivia would know she could rely on him.
"El. I want to talk to you about something. I don't know how much time we have before we'll be interrupted again, so I'm going to need you to listen to me."
"I always listen."
Olivia said nothing, merely looked at her partner and arched one eyebrow, silently challenging him.
"Point taken. I'll do my best."
"That's all I ask."
Elliot hadn't known what sort of conversation to expect, but it certainly wasn't what had unfolded. Desperately, he wished he had gotten a chance to read some of the details on the forms that Olivia had asked him to sign. He also wished there was a chair he could sit in, because for the second time that day, he wasn't sure if his legs could bear his weight. Before, it had been the sheer panic after having brought his partner to the emergency room that had made him feel unsteady. Now, it was learning just what her wishes were. If he were to think rationally, Elliot knew he wouldn't be surprised. What he hated most was the fact that he was being forced to consider a possible outcome that he didn't even want to imagine, let alone plan for.
"Did you hear me, Elliot? I know right now the odds don't look good, and that terrifies me. But if the worst happens, I want you to promise me that you'll do whatever it takes to keep me going long enough that our baby can be safely delivered. I've said as much to the doctors, too, but I don't think they took me seriously. I want our daughter to come first, not me."
Despite his earlier promise to himself, Elliot quickly found that he was losing hold over his own emotions. The last thing he wanted was for Olivia to lose their child – he already loved his daughter more than words could say, and the thought of never getting the chance to meet her robbed the very breath from his body. But the idea of losing Olivia, of having their future together stolen before they ever even had a chance to be together shook him to his core. He'd barely endured the two recent separations from his partner while holding on to his sanity. If he were to lose her permanently – he'd be destroyed. At the same time, Elliot knew there was no way he could look into the imploring gaze of Olivia's eyes – the way she was beseeching him for help – and tell her 'no'. He would just have to put all of his faith in God and the doctors treating Olivia that she would make a full recovery and spare him from ever having to make the most impossible choice of his life.
Still unable to form the words, Elliot hesitated for a few seconds longer than he intended. It was only when he heard the heart monitor increase in its cadence that he rushed to give a response. The last thing he wanted was for her to upset herself.
"Easy, Liv. I promise, I'll do whatever you ask. You have my word."
Sagging back against the pillow, Olivia gave a small nod of satisfaction. Her hand lowered to cradle the swell of her abdomen, as though trying to soothe both herself and the child that rested within her body. Once the sound of her heart beat had leveled out to a more even rhythm, Elliot dared to ask for a promise of his own.
"I need you to promise me something, too, Liv."
The woman on the bed said nothing, but turned her gaze in his direction. There was doubt written on her features, but also trust.
"I want you to fight. I know what you have to face today is frightening as hell, but I need you to stay strong – we need you to stay strong. Can you do that?"
Reaching out for Elliot's hand, Olivia squeezed for all she was worth when his fingers wrapped around hers.
"I'm damn sure going to try."
"That's all I needed to hear."
Leaning forward, Elliot placed a kiss on Olivia's forehead, before lowering his head to touch his lips to hers. Yet again, he wished for an infinite amount of time with the woman who meant so much to him, anything to either delay the inevitable or somehow fast forward beyond the surgery when Olivia would be safe and resting comfortably. Hell, given a chance, Elliot would gladly trade places with his partner, face the pain and danger head on in her stead. But that wasn't an option, so instead he would just hold her for as long as he could.
A short time later, there was yet another knock on the glass partition, followed by the admission of not just one, but two doctors dressed in scrubs. The first, Elliot recognized as the woman who had come to talk to him out in the waiting room, apprising him of Olivia's condition. While he'd never met the other, his eyes had sought out the name on the lab coat they wore, and the man was identified as a being a neurosurgeon. Despite the anxiety that had intensified in the pit of his stomach, Elliot tried reminding himself of what he had been told earlier – that this particular individual was on the of the best in his field.
"Hello, Olivia. How are you feeling?"
"A bit more relieved now that I know the baby hasn't suffered any adverse effects due to my condition. Still very nervous about the procedure I'm facing. Are you sure it's safe? Wouldn't it be better to wait? I don't mind dealing with the pain, I can put up with it if I have to."
Doctor Carlisle was about to answer, when the man standing beside her opted to intervene.
"That would be very unwise. I can understand your anxiety, and why you are prioritizing the health of your child, but I must tell you that both of you would be at risk if we delay any longer. The bleed in your brain has already been progressing slowly for several weeks since your initial injury. Left untreated, you are in danger of the damage getting even worse – to the point where you could throw a clot that might result in stroke, coma, or even death."
Although he was still clinging to Olivia's hand, Elliot couldn't help but stagger backward a step as though he had been physically struck. Hearing the cold hard truth was a sobering reminder of just how dangerous the situation they were facing actually was. It also compelled his unruly brain to recall the promise that Olivia had all but
forced from his lips in an effort to ease her own fears. Before either of the partners could form a reply, Doctor Carlisle was affirming the neurosurgeon's frightening prophecy.
"Doctor Adelman is right. We understand your fear, and realize that there isn't much time to properly prepare, but it is imperative that you have this procedure done as soon as possible. Time is of the essence."
Resigned to her fate, but still worried for the safety of her daughter, Olivia was trying to find a way to make it all make sense.
"Will the surgery harm the baby? Isn't anesthesia dangerous?"
Doctor Adelman stepped closer, his expression kind.
"There can be complications with the medications used with general anesthesia. However, a burr hole procedure can also be done with a combination of a local anesthetic and a mild sedative. If you'd prefer, we can find one that will work safely with your pregnancy, and proceed with that route."
"Yes, please."
Elliot hated to interfere, but he didn't want Olivia to be in any more pain than necessary. And truth be told, the idea of his partner being fully conscious – sedated and numbed or not – while someone was drilling a hole into her skull scared the shit out of him.
"Liv, wait."
"No, Elliot. This is what I want."
Elliot wanted to argue further, but one look at Olivia's face told him it was no use, she'd already made up her mind. The last thing he wanted was to upset her, or make her think that she didn't have his support. Resigned, he nodded his agreement.
"Okay."
Dr. Adelman took the confirmation from his patient as verbal consent, but there was still a bit more information he had to impart.
"If that is how you want to proceed, Olivia, I can assure you I will do everything within my power to make sure we are able to complete the procedure according to your wishes. However, I need you to know about the potential risks involved, and what alternate routes we might have to take should the unexpected occur."
The neurosurgeon droned on, each word like another punch to the gut for Elliot. Possibilities he hadn't even considered, like that if the Burr hole procedure were to be unsuccessful in breaking up the subdural hematoma that had taken up residence inside his partner's brain, then a more complicated surgery might be needed. The very idea of Olivia having to endure what had already been scheduled was intimidating enough, but now that Doctor Adelman had mentioned the possibility of a craniotomy, Elliot was practically paralyzed with fear. He didn't even want to think about the potential of this man opening up his partner's skull – even if it was only to repair damage. Before Elliot had a chance to speak his voice on the matter, however, Olivia had beat him to it.
"Whatever you do, you put my baby first."
The expression on both physician's faces shifted from kindness to empathy.
"I understand why you feel that way, Olivia, and I can assure you we will do everything we can to ensure no harm comes to the child you are carrying. However, in an emergent situation, you are our patient. Saving your life will remain our top priority."
Olivia opened her mouth, presumably to argue, but Elliot squeezed her hand, prompting her to look at him. It was time to show his partner that he could keep the promise he had made, even if it was threatening to break his heart in two.
"Olivia, look at me. You trust me, right? I'm going to keep my word to you. All I'm asking is you trust that the doctors will take care of you, and let me take care of our daughter. I gave you my word, Liv. I have every intention of keeping it."
Olivia's troubled dark eyes searched Elliot's blues for several moments before she ultimately nodded.
"Okay. Okay, I give my consent. Do whatever you need to. I just want to get better."
Elliot's time with Olivia now was even more precious than ever before. Dr. Adelman had promised someone would be by to take his partner for surgery as soon as an operating room became available. There was no definitive estimate on time, and Elliot couldn't bear to look at the clock, too afraid to see the minutes ticking by. Instead he just stood as close to the bed as he was able, one arm wrapped around Olivia's shoulder, the other hand covering hers where it lay on her abdomen. In this way, both of them were effectively holding and soothing their daughter – and at the same time drawing a small amount of comfort for themselves as well.
Belatedly, Elliot realized that it had been some time since he had communicated with Cragen or Fin out in the waiting room. The two men deserved an update, especially to know that Olivia was headed into surgery. He should have said something before now, but things had been progressing at such a whirlwind pace – not to mention the fact that since he had stepped back into this room, Olivia had been his sole focus.
When Olivia's nurse passed by, Elliot stopped the young woman, inquiring if it would be all right if some other close friends came back briefly to see the patient before she headed off for her procedure. He knew it wasn't exactly protocol, but he was hoping they would make an exception. Thankfully, permission was granted. Whether it was because their faces were a familiar presence here in the emergency room, or the staff were merely showing empathy and kindness, Elliot wasn't certain, but that didn't diminish his gratitude. Giving the nurse the names of the two men he was looking for – only so he wouldn't have to leave his partner's side – he shared a glance with Olivia as they both waited to be joined by their friends.
"Thanks, El. You read my mind. I was wanting to see Fin and Cragen, too. I just wish John were here."
"You'll see him soon enough, Liv. I'm sure he'll be upset he missed you, too."
The sound of familiar voices in the hallway captured the attention of the two partners, and soon Captain Don Cragen and Odafin Tutuola had joined them in the relatively small space. For anyone else, it would have made the room cramped and uncomfortable, but Olivia felt nothing but security in being surrounded by people she saw as family. At first she wasn't sure what to expect, but when Fin decided to greet her by way of gentle teasing, her heart was filled with warmth.
"You know, Liv, if it was some attention you were seeking, changing your hairstyle would have been enough. This is taking it a bit far, don't you think?"
Giving her friend a wan smile, Olivia reached for his hand.
"I'll try to do better, Fin."
"You better."
Fin squeezed Olivia's hand, then stepped back to allow their Captain to step closer to the bed.
"Olivia, I'm so sorry. I can't help but feel like this is all my fault. If I had only tried harder to intervene to keep you from being whisked away on that op with the FBI, maybe this wouldn't have happened."
Olivia squeezed Cragen's hand the same way she had done with Fin's.
"Have you ever tried telling Dana Lewis 'no'? I'm fairly certain that word doesn't exist in her vocabulary. This isn't your fault, Cap. The only person to blame is the officer who hit me without just cause. I don't want you feeling guilty for this."
Seeing that everyone was becoming a bit too emotional, Fin attempted to introduce a bit of levity into the situation.
"While we're at it, are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?"
Not missing a beat, even though she knew exactly what her friend was referring to, the expression on Olivia's face morphed into a scowl.
"Really, Fin? It's not enough for you that I'm injured, you're going insult a pregnant woman, too? I didn't think I was that bad, to be honest, but if you seem to believe I'm an elephant -"
"Now wait a minute! I didn't mean -"
Fin was stumbling over himself, trying to get the words out in the right order. It was only when he saw both Olivia and Elliot trying not to laugh that he realized the joke was on him.
"Very funny. Seriously, though, Liv – a baby that is going to be half Benson and half Stabler? The world doesn't know what it's in for."
Now it was Elliot's turn to look shocked.
"What do you mean? Why are you assuming her baby is mine?"
"Because I've been betting on you two ever since I joined the unit. Munch owes me two hundred bucks. Also, I just know things."
The group laughed again, even though what Fin had said was mostly true. No one ever questioned how he came about his particular skill set of knowledge, but the fact remained that he possessed a wealth of information where traditional routes often failed. Once they were all calmer, Olivia glanced at Elliot. At his nod, she decided to confirm the truth.
"Yes, you're right, Fin. This baby is Elliot's. We were just figuring out the logistics of who and what we were to one another when I was sent away by the FBI on the UC mission, and still have a lot of details to iron out. One thing is for certain though – we should both be able to stay in SVU. However, I'll be stuck on a desk for awhile."
Now it was Cragen's turn to speak up.
"You'll not be thinking about work at all until you have a one hundred percent clean bill of health."
"Yes, sir."
Olivia's last words had been more slurred, and the sobering reminder of where they all were and why shook all three men to their cores. When the brunette on the bed closed her eyes briefly, they all watched on, holding a collective breath, only exhaling with relief when she opened them again a few moments later. This was a woman who meant the world to all of them, and until they were given the all clear, none of them would be able to rest easy.
Not wanting to overstay their welcome, Fin and Cragen hadn't remained in Olivia's room for very long. It had been enough for them just to be able to see her in the first place. As they were leaving, Elliot had promised to come and get them after Olivia was taken to surgery, so they could all go together to the surgical waiting room until Dr. Adelman came to discuss whether or not the Burr hole procedure had been successful.
Elliot also felt relieved in knowing that his Captain had promised to relay messages to John, in order to keep their other colleague updated on Olivia's condition. Briefly, the thought crossed his mind that it was likely Dani was equally curious as to what was going on, but he just couldn't bring himself to give a fuck as to what his temporary partner might think of the situation. Any energy and concern was devoted solely to Olivia. The more logical side of Elliot's brain argued that once he was more aware of the details, he'd have to bring Kathy into the loop, but since he wasn't even scheduled to hear from his kids until at least the weekend, he didn't even let that bother him for the moment.
Dr. Adelman had promised that Olivia would be taken to surgery as soon as an operating room could be secured. As much as he longed to keep his partner by his side, Elliot hoped that time slot would open sooner as opposed to later. Though her vitals remained stable, it was apparent that Olivia's condition was deteriorating before his very eyes, and it was heartbreaking for him to witness. The one thing that gave him hope were the twin heartbeats – one belonging to Olivia and the other their daughter's – that echoed throughout the room.
As for the nurses, they had given Elliot the task of keeping Olivia awake. It wasn't that she was forbidden from resting, but he was to keep talking to her to try and ensure she stayed engaged with conversation. At this point, Elliot wasn't even sure if he was making any sense, but it seemed as though Olivia were listening. That was all that mattered. He also hated the fact that his partner had been denied anything by mouth – even though it was a logical conclusion, considering the impending surgery. Not for the first time that day, Elliot found himself wishing he could trade places with Olivia, anything that would spare her and their child from having to endure what lay ahead.
A shrill ring from his pocket caused the woman on the bed to wince, and Elliot was immediately kicking himself for having forgotten to silence his phone. Apologizing as he hurried to answer – he had initially planned to ignore the call entirely - but noticed that the number on the display belonged to Dana Lewis.
"Dana. Thank you for calling me back. I don't have time to exchange pleasantries with you, are you able to get me the information from Liv's UC out in Oregon?"
Elliot was silent for a few moments, having already anticipated the yelling that was to come.
"Of course she told me where she was, but not about the case. That doesn't even matter now. Like I said in my message, Olivia is in the hospital. From what she's said, her handler didn't even let her get proper medical care."
The call continued a few minutes more, but ultimately, Elliot's perseverance won out. Dana had agreed to look into the matter further. Even better, she would be filing a formal complaint against Olivia's handler, because it had been specifically mentioned in Olivia's notes on file that she was to have access to medical care whenever necessary. Feeling marginally reassured by the fact that Dana shared his anger, Elliot hung up with a renewed sense of hope. It wouldn't be the same as putting his fist through the face of Olivia's handler himself, but it was a good start.
Olivia moaned softly again, and Elliot felt his heart tug in response. Though she had yet to verbally complain, Elliot was aware of just how much pain his partner was in. Wanting to do whatever he could to offer comfort, he was suddenly struck by a wave of inspiration.
"Hey, Liv, are you willing to try something?"
"As long as it doesn't involve me getting up."
Chuckling and shaking his head, Elliot pressed a kiss to Olivia's temple.
"Not at all. I'm just going to sit here on the side of your bed, and I want you to lean against me. I can't promise I'll be any more comfortable, but do you want to give it a shot?"
"Yes, please."
It took a little bit of maneuvering, but eventually Olivia found a spot that didn't bring her any additional discomfort. Elliot had considered trying other things to help, but remembered how sensitive she was to physical touch, so he kept contact to a minimum, allowing Olivia to be in sole control. Trying not to look at the clock on the wall, Elliot allowed his eyes to close as well, offering up yet another prayer that everything would turn out in their favor.
Before he was quite ready to say goodbye – there had been far too many of those with his partner in recent history for his liking as it was – a new team of medical professionals were in the room. Reluctantly getting off the bed, Elliot gladly accepted Olivia's invitation for a hug, taking a moment to whisper a word of encouragement that was meant for her ears alone. Dropping his hand to caress the swell of her belly, he likewise embraced their daughter.
"Everything is going to be fine, El, don't worry."
"Isn't that supposed to be my line? I believe I'm meant to be the one keeping you calm, not the other way around."
Clinging to Olivia's hand for all he was worth, Elliot followed alongside her gurney in the hallway for as long as he was able, only letting go at the moment they reached the doors he would not be allowed to pass through. Just as they neared the point of no return, the brunette on the bed looked over at him and asked him a question that shook him to his core.
"Do you remember the letter I wrote you before I had to leave?"
"Of course."
"Don't forget the promise I made you then. The promise we made you. What I said back then still applies now. And I always keep my word."
Unable to stop himself, Elliot bent low and pressed a chaste kiss to Olivia's lips. He managed to swallow down the low, guttural sob that was contained deep down in his throat until his partner was out of sight, letting a solitary tear slide down his cheek. Ducking into a nearby restroom just long enough to regain his composure, Elliot went in search of his friends. He had no clue how long of a wait it would be until they learned whether or not the procedure Olivia was about to undergo would be successful or not, and the last thing he wanted was to endure that time on his own. At least if the others were with him, he might be able to keep himself from losing his mind.
Following the directions given by a nurse, the three men found their way to the waiting room on the floor where Olivia would be admitted after her surgery. Elliot tried not to let his fears be consumed by the fact that his partner would be monitored in Intensive Care for a minimum of forty eight hours. Logically, he knew it was only a precaution, but he wasn't able to keep the parade of worst case scenarios from marching through his thoughts at what seemed to be a near constant pace.
Barely even paying attention to what was going on around him – even though he was aware of the presence of Fin and Cragen – Elliot tried his best to keep from breaking down completely. It wasn't that he was ashamed of his emotions, but he wanted to be a source of strength for Olivia, a rock she could lean on. The worst part about all of this – beyond the tragedy of the situation itself – was the feeling of sheer helplessness. Elliot had spent the majority of his life devoted to taking care of others – his mother and his younger siblings, caring for a wife and family while he was still technically a kid himself, fellow Marines, and partners in law enforcement. When the divorce had been finalized, he'd given up on the idea of ever finding love again, let alone with Olivia – he hadn't dared to dream that his feelings would ever be returned in that way. The case with Gitano had nearly broken them, and then he'd almost lost her more than once. Elliot couldn't bear to lose both Olivia and their daughter both. It was why he hoped with every fiber of his being that he wouldn't be forced to keep the promise that his partner had drawn from his lips down in the emergency room. It was an impossible choice, and there would be no right answer. If he could somehow spare the life of their daughter, his heart would be forever broken to endure a world without Olivia. But if he went back on his word, and their child was lost, she might never forgive him.
"Elliot."
Hearing his name being called, it registered to Elliot that his Captain was trying to get his attention – and apparently had been for the past several minutes. Not even bothering to be ashamed for his lack of engagement with the conversation the other to men were having, Elliot turned his focus to Cragen, hoping that his superior wouldn't want to offer a lecture – or worse, a pep talk. He wasn't sure he had the patience to withstand either at the moment.
"I was just wondering if you wanted some coffee. I know I probably should make you eat something, too, but I'm not going to push my luck. I realize there is no chance of that happening, at least not until we hear any news. But, I was thinking some caffeine might potentially help."
"Yes, please."
As though on auto pilot, Elliot reached for his wallet, stopping only when Cragen told him not to worry about the cost. He wasn't sure what to expect next, whether Fin would accompany their Captain, or remain behind to babysit him and make sure he didn't punch any holes in the walls, but he supposed he would find out soon enough. When Cragen departed the waiting room alone, Elliot had his answer. Thankfully, Fin also had no interest in making small talk, instead directing his concentration on his phone. If Elliot had to hazard a guess, he would be willing to wager that his colleague was communicating with Munch, keeping the other man in their small family group up to speed as to the latest developments.
A low buzzing sound from his pocket pulled Elliot back to the present, and though he resented the interruption, he couldn't bring himself to ignore his phone. At the very least, he needed to see who was calling. Especially on the off chance that it was Dana, having learned more information that could be beneficial to Olivia's condition – and potentially let him know that her handler would hopefully be facing some sort of discipline.
A quick glance at the display told Elliot it wasn't who he had been hoping for. Instead, the person trying to reach him was none other than Kathy – the one individual who he had never imagined would try and get in touch with him today. For a fraction of a second, Elliot contemplated letting the call go to voicemail, but he just couldn't do it. Even though they were now divorced, his sense of duty to his ex wife was as strong as ever, and it didn't matter that the entirety of his heart and soul lay in another part of this hospital – he'd let himself be torn in two before risking the danger of something happening to yet another person he cared about.
"Hello?"
"Elliot. Sorry to bother you during the day when I know you're normally working. Is this a bad time?"
Okay, there were no notes of panic in Kathy's voice, allowing Elliot to breathe just a bit easier. Whatever was going on, it was thankfully not another emergency that he would need to attend to. Trying to regulate his breathing, Elliot managed to make his own tone sound as normal as possible.
"No, I have a few minutes."
"I hate to ask last minute, but would you want to spend some time with the kids tonight – that is if you don't have a case or have to work late? I know they'll be okay on their own for a few hours, but I always like to ask you first, because I know how much you enjoy seeing them."
Elliot didn't know what to say. It was true – he wasn't able to see his children as much as he would have liked – but to say yes now would mean turning his back on Olivia. At the same time, he didn't want to leave Kathy in a lurch if she needed help. His heart was being pulled in all directions, and he didn't know what the correct answer was. Thankfully, his ex wife was still able to accurately read him based upon his silences, and he was spared with having to come up with an explanation right away.
"Elliot, if it's a problem, I understand that it's late notice."
"You know I'd love to help, Kath. But something has come up and I can't get away"
He had been so close. So close to getting through the conversation without breaking down. But just as it was nearing the conclusion, a memory of the sonogram from earlier had flashed through his mind, and Elliot felt an involuntary sob escape.
"Elliot? Is everything all right?"
Knowing that nothing could be gained from keeping secrets, Elliot decided to tell Kathy the truth – or, at least as much of the truth as he could manage for the time being.
"I'm at the hospital. Olivia got back from her UC operation today. It turned out she got hurt while she was away, and there were complications. She was diagnosed with a subdural hematoma, and the bleeding on the brain is severe. They just took her in for a Burr hole procedure not long ago."
"Oh, Elliot. I'm so sorry. Please know that I will keep her in my prayers that she makes a full recovery. Don't worry about the kids, I'll get things sorted. I know you'll want to be there for Olivia. She's going to need your support."
How he managed to get through the rest of that call without breaking down in tears – or worse, spilling the news about the baby – Elliot wasn't certain. But before he fully realized it, he was saying his goodbyes, promising to call Kathy with an update as soon as he got word that Olivia was out of surgery and resting comfortably. Resisting the urge to throw his phone across the room in frustration over what felt like having betrayed his partner, Elliot let his head fall back against the wall, barely feeling the discomfort from the contact.
An hour later, the empty cup in his hand was the only indicator Elliot had that he'd actually drank the coffee that Cragen had brought him. He remembered nothing about it, not even whether or not the brew had burned his tongue. Elliot was also certain that the caffeine had not been necessary, because there was absolutely no danger of him falling asleep – not when he was waiting to find out the fates of not just one, but two lives who meant so much to him.
There was part of him that longed for the comfort and solace that the hospital chapel would provide, but Elliot remained rooted to his spot. He couldn't bring himself to leave for any reason, especially when he already felt too far away from Olivia as it was. His rightful place was by his partner's side, acting as her protector. While the more logical side of his brain argued that he would only be in the way if he had tried to maintain his position next to Olivia, Elliot's heart didn't see it that way. Then again, it had nearly broken him to witness her in pain. No matter how much Dr. Adelman had reassured them both that the procedure would be as painless as possible, Elliot knew he wouldn't have been able to bear to watch as the burr holes were drilled into his partner's skull. Maybe that made him a coward. All he knew was time was ticking by at an infinitesimally slow pace.
He was convinced the clock on the wall was lying. It had to be. There was no way that only half an hour had passed since he'd watched Olivia be wheeled through those doors where he could not follow. Elliot tried his hardest to remain patient, issuing the reminder to his traitorous mind that he wasn't the one undergoing surgery right now. All that mattered was a positive outcome, the length of time to get to that particular result was inconsequential.
The thoughts just kept coming at random, though, and Elliot was helpless to control them. Belatedly, he tried to remember every detail the neurosurgeon had relayed. The one that was currently nagging him the most had to do with just how much Olivia's head would have to be shaved in order to achieve a clean and sterile area. Not that Elliot would ever consider his partner a vain woman – and he would never judge her based solely on physical appearance, either. But there was no doubt that pregnancy had allowed for Olivia's skin and hair to flourish, making her even more beautiful than she already was.
Elliot's phone buzzed again, and once more he resented the interruption. Not only was it breaking his concentration – haphazard though it may be – but the noise seemed more jarring than usual in the quieter atmosphere of the waiting room. A glance at the display told him that Dani was calling, and Elliot resisted the urge to curse. Certainly, by now the woman would have at least some idea of what was going on? If the additional absences of the Captain and Fin weren't enough of a clue as to Olivia's importance to the squad, then John definitely would have informed her.
In no mood to hear any platitudes that would no doubt sound hollow to his ears – at least Kathy's words of empathy had been genuine – Elliot declined the call. He wished more than anything for the ability to silence the device altogether, but that was a luxury he simply didn't have. Needing to do something to be proactive, and planning ahead for what would no doubt be a night spent here at the hospital with Olivia for as long as anyone would allow, Elliot decided to phone his oldest daughter. Her classes at Hudson should be done for the day by now, and if she weren't busy, he hoped he could ask her to stop at his apartment and toss a few items together in a bag for him.
"Maureen?"
"Hey, Dad. Any word on Olivia?"
Surprised that she knew already, Elliot stumbled over his words. Realizing that Kathy was the likely reason behind the information reveal – Olivia had been a part of all of his children's lives as they were growing up, it made sense why Kathy would tell them. Maureen and Kathleen, anyway, the twins were still a bit too young for the more troubling details.
"Not yet. Listen, I know you probably have some things to do for school, but would it be a problem for you to do me a favor?"
"I'm already at your apartment, and I'll be bringing you a bag over shortly. You're at Mercy General, right?"
"That's right. Thanks, honey."
Maureen promised she would be over as soon as she was able, and father and daughter ended their call. Feeling the smallest sense of accomplishment – he had finally done something that would allow him to feel useful – Elliot resumed his prior position. The way he was sitting with his head buried in his hands was not unlike a man in prayer, and truth be told, he'd had a steady mantra for healing running through his head for awhile now. He just hoped someone was listening.
True to her promise, Maureen had brought over a bag for her father, just as she had said she would. She even lingered for a few minutes, even though it was obvious that Elliot's mind was solely focused on his partner. Maureen had always liked Olivia, admired the woman, even. In addition to keeping her father safe on the streets, she had always been willing to provide a listening ear. The older she got, the more Maureen had appreciated having another adult to talk to and rely on. Not once had Olivia ever betrayed a confidence, either. She had wondered, of course, over the years, especially since her parents had separated, whether or not a deeper relationship would develop between the partners. But never once had she doubted her father's faithfulness to his marriage or his family, or the fact that Olivia would never do anything to hurt her mother, herself, or any of her siblings. Whatever may be developing between them now, Maureen just wanted them to be happy.
"Call us whenever you hear anything about Olivia, Dad. I'm not going to tell you not to take care of her, just remember to take care of yourself, too."
"I will, honey. I think if I didn't, Olivia would kick my ass."
Sometimes it was easy for Elliot to forget that his oldest child was now an adult, in college and capable of making her own decisions. But today, he was beyond grateful for her support. He'd just have to remember to let her be there for him, that she didn't need him to shelter her the way he once did. That line of thinking was also very surreal for Elliot to consider, knowing that one of his children was now an adult, and Kathleen would be turning eighteen the following year – and was already looking at colleges. The twins had recently made their confirmation, growing up in their own right. And now, in just a few months, he and Olivia would be welcoming a baby into the world, and beginning their journey together as parents. It certainly wasn't where he thought he would be at the age of forty. Elliot knew he wouldn't change any of it, however – except for the part going on right now, with Olivia in surgery. The rest was all a blessing.
After Maureen had left, Elliot was back to feeling restless. He resisted the urge to pace, mainly because he didn't want to irritate the other men in the room. That, and he was worried about the potential of Cragen benching him. Not that he cared about being restricted from work right now, but if the Captain attempted to use his authority to keep him from seeing Olivia – even if he were acting out of concern on Elliot's behalf – Elliot didn't know if he could handle that. No matter what was racing through his mind, he had to keep a level head for Olivia's sake. She was counting on him for his support, in more ways than one.
Before long, another visitor turned up, none other than John Munch himself. What Elliot hadn't been made aware of was that while his colleague had been tasked with staying at the squad room to keep an eye on things and manage in Cragen's absence – it had been only until reinforcements could arrive. The Captain had notified 1PP of his temporary need to step away – at least until he knew his Detective was safely in recovery – and replacements had just arrived at the 1-6. That left John free to come to the hospital and wait with the others. Dani, on the other hand, had opted to stay behind and help.
"Has there been any news?"
With Elliot lost again in his own mind, it was Fin who answered his partner.
"Not yet. We weren't sure how long it would take, hoping that no news means good news."
"Olivia is a fighter. She'll pull through this."
For a man who usually relied on his sardonic wit to get him through uncomfortable situations, John was remarkably at ease with letting his emotional side show. Then again, he'd always had a soft spot for Olivia – all of them did. It was no secret she was the heart of SVU – they had felt her absences too keenly the two most recent times she had been away. It was just who Olivia Benson was – she had the ability to make anyone who met her love her.
In Elliot's mind, John showing up had not been much of a surprise. The next person to walk through the waiting room doors, however, threw him for a complete loop. Even though he'd talked to her earlier, he had never expected for Dana Lewis to make her presence known here at the hospital. Something must have been very important indeed for the FBI agent to make an appearance in person.
"Dana? Is everything all right?"
"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that? I know what you meant though. Like I told you earlier on the phone, a formal complaint has been filed. From what little feedback I've gotten so far, it seems like I've made a good case. Apparently, Olivia was supposed to have had weekly checkups with the FBI contracted medical doctor, and she barely made half of them. Her handler kept canceling the appointments, and then doubled down once she got involved with that cold case."
While the other men had known of some of the details, they weren't yet aware that Olivia had solved a crime while in the middle of her undercover operation. None of them were surprised, though. Of course she wouldn't have been able to turn her back, not when she knew someone was in need of help.
Granted a few minutes to talk with Dana privately, Elliot was surprised when the agent who he wasn't sure whether to classify as friend or foe slipped a folded up piece of paper in the palm of his hand. Knowing better than to open the note here and now, he just looked at the woman with an unspoken question in his eyes.
"Just a little bit of information that I thought might be of interest to you, although I'll deny my involvement if you mention you got any of those details from me."
"Noted."
Even though she was equally concerned about Olivia, Dana didn't want to intrude on what she felt was a private moment any longer. Making her excuses to leave, she called one final warning over her shoulder.
"Oh, and Stabler? Don't do anything that would require me to arrest you. Even if I'm fairly certain your actions would be justified."
Nodding, Elliot waited until Dana had left, then glanced down to his palm. With a shaking hand, he looked at what he had been given. There, printed on the piece of paper, was not only an image, but a name - Dean Porter. Elliot now knew the name and face of the man who had gambled with not only Olivia's life, but their child's – and had very nearly lost. FBI agent or not, no one was above the law, and Elliot was going to find a way to bring that bastard to his knees.
Elliot's intentions of revenge – motivation that had given him a renewed sense of purpose in terms of seeking justice for the unfairness his partner had suffered – were temporarily put on hold when a woman in scrubs darkened the door of the waiting room. Considering the only individuals in this particular area were comprised of himself and the other men Olivia worked with, Elliot knew that whatever news this person was here to impart, it had to involve his partner. Having expected Dr. Adelman to come and inform him of the outcome of the surgery, Elliot instead felt a sinking sensation in the pit of his gut, and the blood in his veins immediately turned to ice. The gut instinct that served him so well out in the streets and in the interrogation room was proving to be a formidable opponent here. Something was wrong, and whatever he was about to hear, he wasn't going to like it.
"Is there an Elliot Stabler here?"
His worst fears confirmed already – that this person was here to impart news about Olivia – Elliot struggled to get to his feet. Vaguely, he was aware that Cragen, Fin, and John followed close behind, careful not to hover but equally curious. Equally in need of their support as much as understanding their need to know about the woman they were all waiting on word for, Elliot made the decision he knew Olivia would want.
"I'm Elliot Stabler. These men are all know Olivia well. While not related by blood, we're all the family she has. Please, speak freely."
"My name is Krista McCollough, and am one of Dr. Adelman's associates. I was assisting him with Detective Benson's surgery, and something has happened that required me to come and give you an update."
The woman licked her lips, and Elliot could tell whatever she had to say, it was not something he wanted to hear.
"Unfortunately, there has been an unexpected complication during the procedure, as Detective Benson has suffered a mild stroke. While we're not one hundred percent certain as to the cause just yet, it is likely a result of the pressure from the subdural hematoma having built up for so long without proper treatment. However, we don't expect the damage to be severe, if any, as we were immediately able to get the proper medications on board to counteract the symptoms and prevent it from progressing any further."
A stroke. Olivia had had a stroke. One of the many possible risks in the litany of dangers that had been listed to them, and she had already fallen victim to one of them. Elliot supposed it had been in her favor that it had happened while she was in the hospital, and not at any point earlier in the day when she had been so far away from medical attention. At least here, the response had been instantaneous, and without delay. But his partner's well being wasn't the only thing weighing on his mind. Despite the fear for Olivia that threatened to consume him whole, Elliot knew who she would want him to make a priority.
"The baby. Is the baby at risk?"
"There was a moment where the fetal heart rate was not within normal levels, but that seemed to track with the way Detective Benson's own vitals were indicating that a stroke was imminent. I'm sure that her OB will want to conduct an exam once the Detective is stable just to be certain, but we have no reason to believe that the child is at risk."
Grateful for small miracles, Elliot staggered a few steps backward and collapsed into a chair. He wasn't sure his legs would hold him up any longer. There was only one thing he knew that would alleviate his fears, and he didn't even know if that were possible. He wasn't even sure if it could put voice to it. Thankfully, his Captain spared him from having to ask the dreaded question himself.
"How long until Olivia is able to have visitors?"
"We're still trying to get her stabilized. We were able to stop the progression of the stroke with the medication, but she did lose consciousness as a result. It's now a matter of seeing when she wakes up and what her mental status is in order to assess the damage. However, given the circumstances, I'm sure we can allow one visitor once we get Detective Benson moved from recovery to her room in the ICU."
"Elliot will be the one to sit with her. He's her next of kin and medical proxy."
Again, Cragen was acting as his advocate, and for that, Elliot was immensely grateful. Maybe once he'd had a few more minutes to process, he could get his shit together and start to act in Olivia's best interest. Right now though, it was taking every ounce of his willpower to not break down in tears.
After making sure there were no more questions to answer, and while Elliot had plenty, nothing would put his mind at ease until he saw Olivia with his own eyes. Dr. McCollough excused herself to go back and continue to help oversee Olivia's care, with the promise to return as soon as possible to allow Elliot the opportunity to see his partner. Stunned into silence, the four men could do nothing but stare at one another with grim faces, and even though they were all from different faiths and backgrounds, it was no secret they were all collectively praying for a miracle.
Initially, Elliot had thought the waiting for word on his partner's condition after her procedure had been an untold hell. That was nothing compared to now. Once he had learned about the unforeseen complication, and his world had once again been tilted on its axis, he was facing even more torment. The only things keeping the very fine thread of his sanity from snapping completely had been his security in the knowledge that Olivia was receiving the best medical care possible, and, while her situation was tenuous at best, both she and the baby were indeed stable. What he hadn't been expecting, however, was for the rug to be pulled out from underneath him before he'd ever set foot back on solid ground.
This time, when someone came to see them, it was none other than Dr. Adelman himself. One look at the neurosurgeon's expression told Elliot everything he needed to know – and none of it was good. In a briefly crazed thought, one that had him resisting the urge to laugh out loud, Elliot couldn't help but hope that none of the physicians he'd encountered today ever attempted to give up their day jobs in order to play cards professionally. None of them could manage an adequate poker face, and while his own might not fare much better, Elliot liked to believe that he was better skilled at concealing his emotions when it mattered.
Now, however, was not that time. After everything that had happened, Elliot was wearing his heart on his sleeve, and he didn't give a damn who saw. If someone wanted to judge him, then so be it. But the woman whom he loved, along with a daughter who he may never get to meet were both in danger of losing their lives, and he was not going to stand idly by like some emotionless automaton. He would do whatever it took until they were both safely in his arms.
Forcing himself to face the doctor, Elliot waited for the other man to speak, half expecting another anvil to fall. As it turned out, his guess wasn't exactly wrong.
"I'm happy to report that both Olivia and the baby are in stable condition. While we still don't know the extent of the damage caused by the stroke, if any, I'm confident we were able to stop it in time before anything could happen."
"What aren't you telling me?"
Dr. Adelman exhaled slowly, and Elliot braced himself for the bad news that he knew was coming.
"We're not entirely sure what caused it, but it appears that Olivia has slipped into a coma. Whether it is a result of the injury she sustained that led to the subdural hematoma and it was just an additional complication, or perhaps a side effect of the stroke she suffered, we're not sure. It could even be her body's way of protecting itself and isolating in an attempting to heal."
Scrubbing his palms over his face, Elliot paid no heed to the tears that began to leak from his eyes.
"Will she wake up?"
"That's the more positive thing. I'm very confident that she will, we just can't say for certain as to when. As for her GCS rating – you may have heard of the Glasgow Coma Scale – we currently have her listed at a nine. Olivia may be unconscious, but she is responding to pain, and she will squeeze our hands upon a verbal command."
It all seemed to be too much to absorb at once. Selfishly, Elliot wished for the opportunity to stick his fingers in his ears and block out all the information, an attempt to keep any more bad news from reaching him. Just as quickly, though, he realized how unfair he was being. Olivia was undoubtedly more miserable than he was, and he had a promise to keep. If, for whatever reason, this coma was going to be one that lasted longer than a day or two, he wasn't going to leave her side.
"May I see her?"
"Of course. I'll take you to her room now. While there will be a bit more medical equipment surrounding her than when you last saw her, I can assure you it is nothing overwhelming. Olivia is breathing on her own, but we are still supplementing her with oxygen. In a similar fashion, as a result of the procedure, her head is bandaged, but that is merely to protect the drain that we put in place. That should come out in a few days. The fetal monitor and other items you will likely recognize."
Elliot didn't care. All that mattered was that Olivia was safe and that at least a hand was free for him to hold. As they walked toward the place where his partner was sleeping, it registered somewhere in his brain about the possibility of a different type of hospital bed, one that would improve her circulation, but he filed that away as something to think about on a another day. The only thing he wanted right now was to see Olivia, to see the swell of her abdomen, and to hear the sound of both their heartbeats beating in his ears.
After making sure that he didn't have any more questions, Dr. Adelman allowed Elliot the freedom to enter Olivia's room on his own. Using what little remained of his good graces, Elliot remembered to shake the other man's hand and thank him, before turning his sole focus to the other side of the door where his entire world lay waiting.
Even though he'd been warned on what to expect, Elliot didn't know what would await him when he stepped across that threshold.
If he hadn't known any better, and if not for the presence of all the medical paraphernalia that surrounded the woman on the bed, Elliot could have just as easily imagined them in a different setting. That Olivia had gone up to the crib to take a nap while she waited for him to finish with his duties at work, before he drove her home at the end of the day. Even with her head swathed in bandages, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and whether her hands had been placed there by an attentive nurse, or Olivia's maternal instinct was shining through even in her comatose state, her palms cradled her abdomen, as though soothing the child that lay nestled within.
Unable to resist, Elliot bent low to press a kiss on his partner's forehead, dragging a chair as close the bed as he could possible get. Allowing his head to drop to juncture between Olivia's neck and shoulder, he permitted the tears he had been holding at bay to fall.
"I thought I was going to lose you today – both of you. I don't know what I would have done if you had left me, Olivia, especially if it had been for good. I swear to you, I'm going to do everything in my power to keep the promise I made. All I need you to do is to keep fighting. Rest as long as you have to, I'll be right here when you wake up."
