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Chapter 3
'Sex Talk' Number One
Edward
I noticed how her gently crawling movements became slower and slower, and her hand finally remained motionless.
My entire upper body was tingling. But it felt really good to be so close to her.
I was glad to have allowed this step. At the beginning, I hadn't been sure. Her hand was so incredibly warm and her touch so exploratory and tender that I didn't know what to do with all the feelings that were overtaking me. But it wasn't too much at once. I was able to concentrate well, get used to it and finally enjoy it. I never thought my body was still capable of such stirrings ...
The only critical moment was when her hand traveled down from my navel. Strangely enough, it was not so much the touch itself - for I was very sure she would not go too far - but rather the anticipation that built up inside me. The idea of her fingers pushing their way into my pants. My traitorous member took on a life of its own, as if it wanted to reach out to her. I had to stop her and prayed fervently that she would not look down. I was a little embarrassed at how strongly I, or rather HE, reacted to her. And what hit me even more completely unexpected was her brief encounter with my nipple. As if there would be a direct connection to my crotch, in which suddenly a thousand volts flowed.
I found it very difficult to tear myself away from the experience, which made my arousal more and more uncomfortable. When Bella then also moved and her bent leg moved higher, I stopped it and forced myself to think about something else.
About my planned conversation with Carlisle. All the things I wanted to ask him.
I'd never had any trouble talking to him about anything, no matter what. He was my father, my role model, my closest confidant. But I was curious to see how he would react. This topic had never interested me before.
Bella was back in Alice and Esmé's clutches.
And I was waiting in Carlisle's office for him to come home from his night shift.
I strolled along the shelves in search of something useful.
My eyes fell on an anatomy book.
I had studied medicine before, but certain subjects not very intensively.
I took it out and flipped through it, skimmed some pages, and got stuck on the chapter on sexual organs.
The man. Hmm ...? I had never thought about how that actually worked with vampires. That it worked, I had already experienced it on my own body. I knew that the blood was transformed by our venom. Into different substances of different composition. Our food had to be utilized, brought into the muscles and converted into strength ... But venom was always in the game ... seminal fluid. Shit! Did everything have to become even more complicated? What had I? Yes - probably not a human one? I had no idea. Was it dangerous for Bella? Okay. One more question for Carlisle.
The woman.
I had to gulp when I saw the detailed illustration.
I already knew why I had skipped it back then. But I should probably memorize it after all It could still be useful ... Even if everything was described only purely functionally - that was probably a good thing for me at the moment...
And then I stumbled across the one term that sent me into a panic.
Hymen - HYMEN. Damn! I rarely felt the need to curse. But now I would have embarrassed even Emmett. I was on the verge of going to Bella's and calling the whole thing off. God. She was a virgin. And I was supposed to change that!? She was human. She could bleed. It would hurt her! How could she expect me to do that?! Shit! I should have never gotten involved in this fucking deal.
I stood transfixed.
Inside me it was raging ...
'Edward. Do you need something from me?'
Carlisle's thoughts snapped me out of my stupor.
He was standing behind me.
I closed the book, spun around, and looked at him in amazement.
"Are you all right? What are you reading? Anatomy!?", he asked flabbergasted.
Oh my God! Had he seen what I had just opened? Get over it. It's Carlisle!, I told myself. Why did I feel like a caught teenager?
I cleared my throat.
"Um ... yes. I wanted to talk to you."
I put the book back in its place.
"What's up?"
"It's about Bella ..."
"What happened?" he asked, probably already reflexively reaching for his doctor's bag.
"No, no. She's fine - I hope. She's with Alice and Esmé."
He looked at me expectantly.
"Does it have something to do with the book and your strange reaction just now?"
"Yes ... uh ... no!" Curses. What was wrong with me?
I ran my hands through my hair and started pacing up and down.
Where were all my prepared questions that I had listed tonight? Why was my perfect vampiric memory failing me now? Okay. Get a grip, I thought.
Carlisle watched me, mildly amused, and waited.
I briefly raised my eyes to him and immediately lowered them again.
I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I felt so ridiculous. It couldn't be that hard to talk to him about sex.
I took a deep breath ...
Since when did I feel so ... human?
I shook my head.
All right, let's approach it in a very abstract and discreet way.
I looked up.
"Can vampiric sperm harm a human?"
His eyes widened slightly.
All humor was gone. It rattled ... And clicked.
"You want to sleep with Bella ... before she's turned?!"
So much for abstract and discreet!
"Uhhh ... yes. That is, no, actually ... don't want ... more? Well, in principle ... yes, but ..."What was I talking about ...?
He pushed me down on a chair and kept one hand on my shoulder.
'Edward, calmly and one thing at a time. What's going on?'
I sighed.
"I promised her that we would try. But it's so terribly difficult ... for me."
I looked up at him miserably.
He was completely serious.
"This is certainly ... not an easy task that you have undertaken. But in advance ... if anyone can do it, it's you, Edward!"
I looked at him doubtfully.
I could not share his indestructible faith in me.
"You're not taking it lightly, and that's a good thing! But you should be more confident. You've accomplished things in the last few months that no one thought possible!"
I nodded slowly.
"I'm glad you came to me! And I'm happy to help you in any way I can. So now to your question. I don't think your sperm can be dangerous for her ..."
"You think!?", I echoed, without thinking about the 'your'.
"So, in that sense, I've never examined it specifically. It contains venom, like all our body fluids. But in a very attenuated form and very different composition than in our saliva! That's the one thing you really have to watch out for!"
"Yes, I am fully aware of that! But again to the seminal fluid?"
"If you want - I assume there is still some time?! - I can examine it in the laboratory at the hospital."
"Hmm ... if that works ... It would definitely put my mind at ease!"
"Okay. No problem. Then come by tomorrow at the lunch break and leave me a sample."
"W ... w ... what?!" I groaned out, completely caught off guard, and had to watch Carlisle's body shake with suppressed laughter.
"I wasn't planning on using mine, son. You can still think about it. I'll let you know when I'm on break."
At that moment, I longed with every fiber of my body for the endless boredom of my existence before Bella had entered my life. I was supposed to give a sperm sample at the hospital?! Anything else?
I buried my face in my hands.
"Do you have any other questions?" my father pulled me out of the whirlpool of my thoughts.
"Hmm ...", I grumbled resignedly and announced, "She's a virgin. Is she going to bleed?"
"Unfortunately, I can't give you a concrete answer to that either. The hymen is different for every woman. Elasticity, strength, size ... all variable. I assume that you will proceed carefully ... But even that is no guarantee that she will not bleed. If you're afraid the smell will throw you, you can always hold your breath." He thought about it for a moment, then thought, 'I guess that she wouldn't let me check her out ...?'
"Carlisle!" I jumped up. "She's going to be your daughter-in-law!" Did the man have no inhibitions at all?!
"Edward, sit back down. She's already like my own daughter. And I'm a doctor! But that answers my question, too." He pursed his lips. "So if you want to play it safe, the most you can do is accompany her to the gynecologist ... or ..."
"The chances of that are very low! What … or …?", I interrupted him.
"... you do it yourself."
I stared at him.
Now he had not really said that! Where was a hole to sink into when you needed it ...?
"Okay. Next question." Next question...? Next question ...?
"How can I maintain my self-control?"
"Honestly, Edward. I think you have more experience with that by now – especially with regard to Bella – than I do."
I shook my head.
"I'm not talking about the blood, but about ... all the emotions that are foreign to me ... A different kind of hunger ... A desire that sometimes feels more intense than the instinct to kill."
He nodded in affirmation.
"The sex drive should not be underestimated. Even if it no longer has anything to do with reproduction in us vampires, the need is definitely still there. And it should not be treated lightly! The feelings associated with it can cause profound changes – not only in vampires. Even if they are more serious in us."
"That doesn't sound very reassuring!"
"Oh Edward, I have complete confidence in you! You are responsible, sensitive, and empathetic! Go slowly. Take your time to get used to the unfamiliar sensory impressions. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Don't put so much pressure on yourself."
I sighed.
Well, we had already started the project. But I still felt I had to prove it to someone ... Who? Me? ... Or Bella? First of all, I didn't want to disappoint her! Keep my promise! And do it right and do it well. When I thought about what she was enduring right now. Just for me. The things she gave up - for us!
As if he could read my mind, Carlisle continued, "Bella will understand you! Talk to her about your fears and concerns! She won't leave you alone with them!"
"Hmm ... yes. You're certainly right ..."
"... But there's more ..." - 'The way you look,' he added in thought.
I rolled my eyes.
Can I tell him this?
'Go on, spit it out already! I'm trying hard, but I can't read all your thoughts from your face.'
"I don't want to do anything wrong, hurt her ... How ... how do I know that ... that she's ... ready?"
The end I only whispered, in a surreal hope that he might not hear.
"That's what she'll most likely tell you," he said bluntly, smirking slightly.
Huh ...? What? Was that referring to the first or the second part?
Without elaborating, he continued, "Honestly, I think it should even be pretty easy for you to observe if ... she likes it."
I looked at him still puzzled.
"During sexual excitement - in humans - the pulse and breathing accelerate. Hormones and pheromones are released, the skin is strongly supplied with blood and increasingly transpires ... I'm pretty sure you can smell it. Have you never noticed that their smell changes slightly during their cycle?", he now asked curiously.
I just nodded, still slightly confused.
I couldn't quite follow him at the moment, but I didn't want to delve any further into it either ...
"I just mean. Supposedly, even men can subconsciously sense when a woman is going through her fertile phase ... I guess it's similar with physical arousal," he gushed enthusiastically.
I raised my hands defensively and stood up.
"Um ... thanks, that's it for now!"
He grinned sheepishly.
"Oh ... okay! Sorry! I just would have been interested ... Oh, yes ..." He stood up, walked purposefully to the shelf and handed me a slim book. "In case you're more interested after all."
'Processes in the body during the sexual act'
"Thank you," I waved the book and turned toward the door.
I fled to my room.
Thank God. That was behind me.
Relieved, I dropped onto the bed and turned on the stereo.
Was I seventeen or a hundred and nine?
I shook my head.
How embarrassing. It could only get better with my brothers.
Thanks for reading!
