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Chapter 6

Shopping - Girl Talk


Bella


After a quick breakfast next to an impatient Alice, I wrote Charlie a quick note.

Who knows if he could remember this in his current state of mind.

And then we were already jetting down the highway in the yellow Porsche toward Seattle.

I tried to mentally prepare myself for a shopping marathon.

We wanted to get the wedding shoes and a corsage today. Two things ... That could take all day with Alice. I also wanted to brighten up my underwear repertoire - now that Edward was slowly thawing out ... Hopefully it wouldn't take much longer ... And I didn't exactly want to present myself to him in my old worn-out panties with an inappropriate bra.

I felt my cheeks grow warm.

I should think about something else immediately.

For what felt like the hundredth time, Alice gave me an expectant, questioning look.

Slowly I became nervous.

"What's going on?"

"Could it be that you wanted to ask me something?"

At first I didn't know what she meant and turned my head from side to side, thinking.

"Not that I know of."

"Does 'the night before last' help you? That's when I had the vision ..."

And immediately my cheeks were red hot.

So I could save myself the answer.

"Aha ... I knew it! And?"

She examined me closely, as if she wanted to read it off my forehead.

Oh my god, I had totally blocked that out. The opportunity was actually perfect – especially with no other vampires around who could hear too well. But how should I start?

I stared intently at the road ...

"Does it have anything ... to do with ... what you both planned on ... the wedding night?"

My bright red head whipped around, and I stared at her with my mouth open.

Bingo ... Where ... God!

"Alice!"

Damn clairvoyant ... How could you ever get used to the fact that she somehow knew everything? Argh ... My privacy was like an open book ... I felt so exposed and defenseless.

"Oh Bella, don't feel like that. There's nothing to it. I think it's a great idea ..."

Can't you stay out of my future sex life?, I screamed inside. On the other hand, if she really knew if it was going to work out ...

I closed my mouth and raised an eyebrow.

Alice chattered blithely on.

I didn't even have to say anything.

"... First of all, our dear super-smartass Edward is so sweetly desperate ... I could smooch him ... He really tries hard and works on himself! It keeps wavering ... But it's getting clearer and clearer!"

She beamed at me.

"Okay. That wasn't my question, but thanks for the info."

It was already relieving to hear it. Nevertheless, it had a funny aftertaste.

"However, I would be even more grateful if you would stay out of my intimacy in the future!"

Somewhat disappointed, she replied, "You know I can't promise you that. You are both too important to me for that! Besides, I can't really do anything about it either."

"Then at least don't rub my nose in what you know!"

Why did I bitch at her like that? ... Oh yes! It was just really embarrassing!

"It's okay, Bella. I'll try to keep that in mind. I didn't mean to offend you," she apologized.

I sighed and shook my head.

"Oh Alice, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to snap at you like that. It's just ... I still haven't gotten used to it."

I rolled my eyes.

It can't be that hard! She's your best friend!, I mentally kicked myself in the butt.

"Never mind - already forgotten!", she smiled at me conciliatory. "Then what did you want to know? "

I gave myself a jolt.

"What ... was your first time like?"

Her smile died.

"I don't remember that. I wasn't a virgin when I woke up."

"I'm sorry about that."

I compassionately put a hand on her arm.

She shook her head.

"It doesn't have to! When I think of Rose or Esmé, I'm quite glad I don't know anything about it!"

"Oh my god!"

I slapped my hand over my mouth.

Rose! I hadn't thought of that at all. And Esmé?

"Don't worry about it, they're both long over it. I can only tell you about my first time with Jasper."

"If you want to."

She nodded.

"In the end, it was quite wonderful and overwhelming. But it was a long and difficult road until then. You know Jasper's story ... When we met, we knew immediately that we were meant for each other. Love at first sight, soul mates ... All well and good ... However, getting him to sleep with me was a tough job. He was often distracted and struggled with our vegetarian lifestyle. You know all too well how hard it still is for him!"

I nodded and screwed up my face at the thought of the consequences of that time.

"But the most difficult thing for him was his past. He blamed himself so much for his old way of life. I think he really forgave himself only recently, when his experiences saved all of our lives..." she said thoughtfully, then continued, "The biggest problem was his scars that cover his whole body. I didn't care about them at all, but he loathed himself for each one. He trusted me and loved me ... And bit by bit he also allowed me to help him accept and love himself again. And only then could he fully open up and give himself to me. I admit that I was often frustrated. But all the pushing and convincing did not help. He just needed time until he was really ready for it."

I nodded thoughtfully.

That sounded about right, but there wasn't that much time left.

"Why are you looking so doubtful? It was worth waiting for! If you don't have Edward ready by the wedding night, who cares - you have all the time in the world!"

"Well ..."

If I was even ready by then?

"What … well?"

"I ... just imagine its ... beautiful?"

"Well, that sounded convinced!" she laughed out, then frowned. "What's the matter?"

"I'm afraid of ... it hurting," I whispered.

"Oh Bella." She put a hand on my thigh and shook her head thoughtfully. "You should definitely talk to Edward about this!"

"That's not a good idea! That is his biggest fear ... to hurt me! How can I confess to him that I'm afraid of it myself ... even if for other reasons?! No!"

"He's going to find out sooner or later, one way or another! You should be honest with him. Only when you know how the other person is, can you respond to them properly! Has he told you what his other fears are?"

"He told me he's afraid of losing control because the feelings are all so new and powerful. He can't assess himself because of it."

"Exactly ... and now you're working on it together. That's what I was getting at. You have to help each other. Together you can do it! See what I mean?"

"Hmm ...", I grumbled. "I see you know way too much again!"

She chuckled softly and then started to ponder.

At some point she shrugged her shoulders.

"What?"

"No, I really don't know any female vampire who was a virgin. That being said, I really have no idea if that would even be comparable to humans."

I had never thought about that before. Since the fight, I knew that even vampires could feel pain. The thought of a rock-hard hymen made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I shook myself.

All the more reason to go through with my plan!

"Don't you have a friend you can ask about this? Jessica ...?"

"No, absolutely not! Certainly not her!"

"And what about Angela? She already has a boyfriend, too, doesn't she?"

"I don't know ..."

"But I ... Yes! That's a very good idea! She can definitely tell you something! Very good!"

She was totally psyched. And my stomach turned.

Another conversation like that?! Help! When Alice was in the game, there was no escape ...


After four hours of trying on shoes - if you could call these ridiculous strappy frames that Alice brought me that - I didn't care about anything. I was completely will-less, my feet hurt from all the walking, and I was hungry.

First she dragged me from designer boutique to designer boutique, in which there were at most five pairs of shoes, most of which were out of the question and I started suffering from shortness of breath from the price alone. I think the cheapest ones cost $375. After that, we finally went to bigger shoe stores, and I didn't have to walk as much. At first I had tried to discuss with her. A maximum of a two inch heel ... Anything more would only send me quickly to the hospital instead of the altar, that was my condition. Besides being halfway comfortable and wearable. Well, two inches was rather her minimum and her ideas were pretty much the exact opposite of mine. But, as I said, at a certain point I didn't care - whether rhinestones, ribbons, little laces or bows - they wouldn't be seen under the floor-length dress anyway! The only question was whether I could even walk a step in it.

"It's going to be a great honeymoon then - with a broken ankle!"

"It's all a matter of practice! Starting today, you're going to train for half an hour every day!"

"Okay ... okay ... we'll take those." I had no idea which one she was talking about.

"I would like to eat something now. I'll go to the exit and wait there."

Not five minutes later she came towards me with three - ? - shopping bags swinging in her hand, beaming with joy.

This woman was simply incredible. Her good mood simply irrefutable.

I did not ask.

I had already chosen a sushi bar diagonally across the street.

That was the closest and I always wanted to try it.

After eating really well and drinking about three quarters of a liter of Coke for once, I felt invigorated enough to let myself be dragged to the underwear section of the nearest shopping mall.

There was even a bridal fashion area there with all the trimmings.

But after I had let myself be squeezed or constricted into I think every available white corset for an hour, my patience was at an end.

I didn't want lace and ruffles and sequins or pearls and whatnot. I also didn't care if it was white or ivory or any other shade of white. There was a simple plain silk corset that felt wonderful and wasn't just plain tight. Surprisingly, I even liked it.

"This or nothing!"

"All right!"

Resignation was only briefly written on her petite face, and already her eyes were sparkling again.

"Then we'll have plenty of time to search for the perfect lingerie to spice up your honeymoon!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Alice. I'll find my own underwear. Buy something for yourself."

She pulled an offended muzzle and looked at me with her puppy-dog eyes.

I remained firm.

"I'm completely serious!", I said, turned around and strolled towards everyday underwear.

She ran after me and watched my search.

After I picked out the first two sets of cotton jersey, she spoke up.

"Aren't you going to indulge Edward with anything?"

"I don't want to freak him out completely," I replied, blushing slightly.

"Oh, come on, it'll subside sooner than you think. Believe me, I know my way around."

"Edward is not Jasper."

"All men are the same there."

"I don't wear stuff like that anyway!"

"Oh come on!", she begged.

"Do what you want," I said carelessly, just to get rid of her.

In the end, I could wear what I wanted. If she absolutely wanted to spend money unnecessarily ...

I picked out a couple more sets of panties – some more colorful stuff – because I thought they were cute, and a dark blue one that even had lace trim.

Then I heard Alice squealing across the store.

"Bella!"

I looked up and saw her running triumphantly toward me.

In her hand she waved red cords and air.

"This is perfect for the wedding night!", she shouted far too loudly.

All heads present lifted and looked from Alice to me. Back to the sexy lingerie, with thong and suspenders ... And back to me. My head was glowing, and I just wanted to sink to my knees and crawl under the next rummage table. I desperately searched for the changing rooms to gallantly get out of the affair.

But there I only looked directly into the face of a man who was probably waiting for his wife or girlfriend in front of it.

He grinned insinuatingly at me, raised his thumb, and nodded in agreement.

Oh ... my... God! Could it get any more embarrassing?

Without further ado, I gathered my things and walked past Alice to the escalator to pay one floor below.

"We're leaving now," I informed her simply.


On the drive home, I really wasn't in the mood to talk.

Alice tried to apologize several times.

I just shook my head defensively.

Basically, it was only my own shamefulness that was to blame ... But she could have thought a little more about it. After all, we hadn't know each other since just yesterday.

"That's all right," I muttered sullenly.

"So, if you've decided to be mad at me anyway, I'm going to call Angela now," she announced to me, already with her cell phone drawn to her ear.

"Alice, stop it! You can't ..."

"Hi, Angela, it's Alice ... Yes, isn't it? I think so too! ..."

I frowned.

What were they talking about?

"... you Angela, are you there tonight? ... Can Bella come by for a minute? In about an hour ... Is that okay? ... She just wants to ask you something, it won't take long ... Great ... thanks! ... Yes, I'll tell her. See you later. Bye!"

"Greetings from Angela! She's glad you're stopping by, but doesn't have very long. "

"Well, thank you! I guess I have nothing more to say at all?"

"Well, lately I've had to force your luck more often," she shrugged lightly.

"What luck! I can hardly believe it! Damn it, Alice. I'm old enough to decide for myself!"

"Then why are you taking it all so seriously? Take it easy! She's your friend, you're talking to each other. After half an hour, it's all over!"

She smiled at me mischievously.

God. The woman was unbelievable!


Said and done.

I was already standing in front of Angela's front door and Alice actually waited in the car until I had rung the bell, only then to drive on and bring the things home. My heart was already beating up to my neck again.

Actually, in my opinion, today I had already had enough excitement for the next few weeks. But it was always about the first step, which was so difficult ... So far, something positive had usually come out of it, once I had overcome myself.

The door opened and Angela beamed at me.

"Hey, Bella! Come on in." She hugged me. "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!"

I looked at her in confusion.

And then she held a card in front of my eyes that looked very familiar.

"Thank you for the invitation!"

The penny dropped.

"Um ... please ...!"

But wait, wasn't that just yesterday when we had argued about the guest list? Or was that already the day before yesterday ...? How could they be ready and distributed by now? Vampire speed. That must have been their occupation last night ... Damn. I had hoped to escape the rumors for a few more days.

"Oh Bella, this is so romantic! I always felt that this was something serious and very special between Edward and you!" She hugged me again. "This is so great!"

I had rarely seen her so exuberant. She must be really happy.

I grinned at her.

"What is it? I don't have much time, unfortunately. Ben is picking me up in half an hour," she explained apologetically.

"Can we go to your room or are you alone?"

"There's no one here right now."

The phone rang.

She rolled her eyes in annoyance and answered.

"Yes? ... Yes, it's me ... Yes, I did, that's so ... NO! I don't think so ..." She looked at me for a moment and then at the floor. "No, I'm leaving soon ... I can't right now ... No, I have a visitor ... Bella is here, okay?!" She was annoyed. "No, I'm not asking her that! ... Yes ... Okay ... Maybe ... See you. Sorry, I'm sorry! That was Jessica!"

We sat down on the sofa opposite each other.

I nodded in understanding.

"She got an invitation too!"

"Yes and ... Oh, forget it."

"She thinks I'm pregnant, right?"

She looked up in surprise.

"Are you?", she asked imprudently, biting her lower lip.

I took a pillow in front of my stomach and held it tight.

"No ... How could ...?" I muttered the end more to myself. "It was clear to me, however, that most would come to that conclusion."

"What did you just say?"

Of course she had heard it. Female intuition for the essential.

"You have not yet ...?"

She looked at me with wide eyes.

I shook my head.

"Um ... that's kind of why I'm here ..."

"... And I thought ... You've been together for so long and ... you have always seemed so familiar and united ..."

She was a little stunned.

"Just keep this between us, please?"

"Of course! Do you want to wait until the wedding? Oh my god, this is romantic!" she had regained her composure. "And now you want to know what it's like!" she stated.

I nodded.

"Only if you don't mind ... I just don't know anyone else to ask."

"It's all right. I would have liked someone to ask at that time, too! But let's keep that between us too, okay?"

"Sure!"

"Okay, how do I start?" she thought for a moment. "Well. The first attempt failed thoroughly. It was on my eighteenth birthday and I thought I was still the only virgin around here for miles ..." she looked up a little bashfully. "... And I really wanted to change that, finally get it over with. You know, when you always read about fourteen-, thirteen- or twelve-year-old girls in 'Bravo'(1), you feel like a shriveled up eternal spinster at the latest when you're eighteen."

'Bravo'? I had heard that somewhere before ...

"... I thought to myself. I put myself - and also Ben - under incredible pressure ... Accordingly, I was also tense ... He was really careful, but it still hurt like hell!"

She looked at me miserably and everything in me tensed up.

I gave her a pitying look.

"He stopped right away ... I mean, he ... wasn't even really in ..." she cleared her throat sheepishly. "He was totally sweet and understanding. Said we didn't have to go on right then ... And I was so happy!"

She smiled, lost in her memory.

"After that, we just took our time to slowly get closer, tried a lot of things ... You can do a lot without actually sleeping together ..."

At that, she blushed and so did I.

"And then ... God, Bella, it was so incredible! ... His parents were away for the weekend, and he invited me over. He seduced me, so to speak, with every trick in the book. Really with candlelight and roses ... Oh, so romantic!" she gushed. "He did things to me ... Almost drove me crazy until I could think of nothing else but that I wanted him. ... It was then only a short tugging, which I hardly felt, because ... it was completely lost next to all the other indescribable feelings."

"Wow ... that sounds good," I said out of some impulse.

She nodded with a smile.

"It burned a little bit afterwards, but that was over quickly, too."

"Thank you for telling me that!"

"Take your time, Bella ... Until you can really let go and relax!"

Well, the letting go wasn't my problem now ... Edward managed to steal my mind with just one too deep look ... Only that I put him off his stride every time with my passion ...

The doorbell rang.

"That will be Ben," Angela said, standing up.

"Thanks again - also for your trust ... You really helped me!", I thanked her, while we went to the front door.

And then another realization hit me.

Ben ... Shit ... How could I ever look him in the eye again without blushing? There were also disadvantages to knowing such intimate things about one's friends.


(1) Youth magazine in Germany, where young people can also write letters to the editor and ask about heartache, but also questions about sex.


Thank you for reading!