Chapter 2 – The Graveyard of our Beloveds

I couldn't comprehend what he had just told me. I sat down in complete disbelief. Not that I realistically needed to, but those subtle human reactions were still ingrained in me. I gasped, my hands carving themselves on the sofa. A small flicker of hope grew in me, but I immediately squashed it. I couldn't let myself feel any sort of hope, not when I knew that there was none. Even if what he said was true, I shouldn't believe that it would end well. Whatever it was.

"Alive…? Are you sure?" I finally managed to say after a few minutes.

Carlisle sat beside me, his eyes warm and filled with understanding, as did Zafrina. Sitting there with just the two of them reminded me how everything had changed. Once that house was full of people – family, friends – and now it was but a shadow of what it had been in past. I suddenly missed it all, Emmet's jokes, Esme's warm hugs, Alice's annoying comments about my outfits, Jasper's silent and comforting company, Jacob's warmth, even Rosalie's snarky remarks, but most of all I missed them. I couldn't bring myself to say their names. My hands tightened around the fabric of the sofa. Now it was not the time, I tried to remind myself. There were more important things at stake presently than my feelings, than my grief.

"Yes… I couldn't believe it either at first" Carlisle confessed, his eyes meeting mine for less than a second before turning away. He saw it all, I felt. My naked emotions. With his gaze now on his hands, he proceeded "When we first made the…" He seemed to recall something so unpleasant, so horrid, that he couldn't bring himself to finish. I could see it in his eyes, he was there again, in the battlefield amongst the snow and the purple smoke. I, myself, tried not to remember it. Once again, it was not the time to do so.

It had passed so many minutes that I didn't expect him to continue at all, but he did, as if no interruption had occurred "…the body count, we didn't find them amongst the dead. We looked for them everywhere, miles outside the battlefield, but found nothing. There was not much hope, I at least was not hoping to find them alive. But fortunately, I was wrong" He said with a small smile this time "After a two and half month search, Zafrina found the clothes that they were wearing abandoned, along with all of their remaining belongings, in a deserted island close to the coast of Brazil. The scent was almost gone by the time she got there but still recent enough to give us hope. However, they were not alone" Concluded Carlisle, his lips now forming a hard line, worry filling his marble face.

"When I got there, I smelled five other survivors" Continued Zafrina, her eyes darkening, mirroring my own for I knew what she was about to say, though I did not want to hear it. The names of the people who murdered my family and my friends. If blood still flowed in my veins, it would have boiled just of the thought of their names. The Volturi. Bloodlust burned through me but again I controlled my emotions as best as I could – I didn't want to make a scene again "I could distinguish Aro, Caius, Jane, Chelsea, and Renata, who we also had been trying to track since the battle as they weren't amongst the fallen, to my utmost displeasure. I wish I could have killed them myself, if not for my friends, at least for little Nessie…" She confessed, her hands forming tight fists.

In that moment I stopped breathing, trying to control my emotions. Just hearing her name made my still heart burst with an immeasurable pain, a pain that I realised would never leave me as long as I lived. I didn't dare remember her face, her voice, her touch - everything about her I wished to forget. Because if I was foolish enough to remember I knew I would not be able to take it, this facade that I was maintaining would crumble and for the moment I could not let it happen. Only when I was alone again would I fall apart one last time before I left this world.

Nevertheless, Zafrina noticed the effect her words had on me and placed one of her hands over mine "I'm sorry, Bella"

"No, you don't need to apologise. I'm glad she was loved by so many…" I tried to reassure her with a shadow of a smile and not a convincing one at that, but it was the best I could do at the moment.

"She certainly was" Added Carlisle, his eyes gentle, comforting, his grief merging with mine.

"But please…, continue. What else have you discovered?" I asked in an attempt to change the subject. After all it was the only reason why I was still there and not on my way to my final destination.

"Nothing. I imagine they travelled underwater so their scent couldn't be detected by anyone, after all the Volturi most have anticipated that we would be looking for them" Confessed Zafrina, disappointment over her efforts now evident in her voice, and anger. A lot of anger.

"They knew we weren't going to leave our family behind. I dare say… Aro knows me too well" said Carlisle in the same frustrated tone.

"But we can't give up on them, we can't let them live an eternity of servitude" I expressed, not wishing such a fate on anyone let alone people that I loved. I couldn't abandon my sister now, she who fought so much on my behalf, who welcomed me into the family with open arms. I just couldn't leave Alice to their mercy. And also, dear Benjamin, who had been so kind to go against part of his clan to help my daughter.

And to what end…?

Furthermore, for that very reason, he was my responsibility. I needed to get him to safety. After all, he was in that position because of me.

The others seemed to agree with my words.

"No, we cannot, and we won't" Assured Carlisle, his eyes serious now and looking straight at me. In those black onyx eyes I saw, not for the last time, the grief and love he felt for his family. Now with most of it gone, I knew he felt he had to save Alice. If not than everything would really fall apart for him "Me and Zafrina already had a plan. We were actually thinking of leaving tomorrow morning to the island to investigate whatever we can. I think, perhaps, there might be a clue, something, anything, we missed that can lead us to their location" He informed me, his eyes casting down to the rug beneath our feet, the expression on his face apologetic. He regretted not informing me but how could he had done so? I fell off the face of the Earth for two and half months.

I tried to reassure him with my eyes that I understood the reason behind their decision to leave me in the dark, after all, I had decided for them.

"Then, I'm coming with you" I expressed, letting them know of my decision. It hurt me to say those words, at the end of the day, all I wanted was to put an end to my existence, to finalize at last my pain. But once again I couldn't bear to leave my sister and a friend in the hands of those power-hungry murders for their own personal gain "If you let me…" I added.

"Of course, you're more than welcomed to join us. God knows we shall need your help" Said Zafrina with a gentle smile "And if we get lucky, we might also kill a few of our Volturi friends" Her smiled got wider with the thought of the suffering of our enemies. But, as suddenly as her smile bloomed it vanished, replaced by a grave and serious expression. Her eyes locked onto mine as she extended her hand to my own "For our beloveds" she uttered, her eyes knowing.

Our hands clasped together as I made my silent oath and nodded my head in agreement. My own small sacrifice was enough if it meant we could save Alice and Benjamin and also get revenge for the one's that had fallen, ending the Volturi threat once and for all.

"It's settled then" Concluded Zafrina with a small reassuring smile "We leave in the morning, six am sharp, so if you need to tie any loose ends before we go now is the time to it" She suggested.

Suddenly, I remembered something or rather someone very much important that I ought to speak to. Charlie. For so long I was completely consumed by my grief that I didn't even think about him, he must be so worried. Not seeing me or… or Nessie for months. He loved her too. God, how selfish had I been this whole time.

"Charlie…" I whispered more to myself than to anyone else.

"Don't worry, I talked to him" Answered unexpectedly Carlisle. I looked at him now, my eyes inquiring, intrigued.

"You did…?"

"Yes. After the first month I knew you weren't ready to speak to anyone yet, so I took the liberty to put him at ease for you. He had been calling for weeks prior and I just couldn't stall for more time" He explained calmly, though he seemed unsettled by an anguishing memory, something I didn't know about "I told him that… well… that a part of our family died in a fire while visiting our extended family in Denali. And that you were in the hospital still very shaken and weren't allowed visitors yet. I apologise if I overstepped but I didn't know what else to do" He confessed; his voice still apparently unshakable though his eyes betrayed him. A grief as deep as mine invaded them, our eyes locked onto each other not able to lie about our true feelings. Nevertheless, it didn't stop me from trying.

"You didn't overstep, you did what I didn't have the strength to do" I said attempting to sound as comforting as I could; my hand resting on his left shoulder "Thank you" He simply nodded, at my response "I should go see him now then" I informed them as I got up from the sofa, getting ready to leave.

"Go, I think it will do you well. And don't worry about us, we also have a few final preparations that need our special attention before tomorrow" Said Zafrina offering me a small embrace "See you at sunrise"

"See you soon"

And in a literal blink of an eye, I was downstairs, already heading towards the woods that surrounded the Cullen house. I needed to hunt before I saw Charlie, after all, I didn't hunt for two and half months, my eyes already darker than charcoal itself. I didn't realise how thirsty I had been. I remained prisoner of my own emotions for so long that I didn't have time to think about such trivial things, well, trivial at least to me. It was one of the best things about having an amazing self-control as a vampire, though even I had my limits.

After feeding, I got back to the cottage, much to my dismay, to take a bath and to put on some clean clothes. Every second I spent there made me my heart ache in complete agony with the confrontation of my own memories. Thank God for vampire speed. In less than two minutes I was ready and already putting the seatbelt - human habit - inside my car. I put the stereo on max and was on my way.

I drove to Charlie's slowly now, taking my time. I needed to think, to prepare. Not only did I need to match my story to what Carlisle had said but also needed to make sure that Charlie was alright and would be at ease. After all, it could be the last time I saw him. I needed to make sure that, despite everything, he was happy. It wouldn't be easy, both to convince him that I was alright and to leave him after that. But I couldn't be selfish, and I knew he's life would be much easier without me in it. No more worrying, no more secrets, no more lies. He could just be happy, especially now with Sue by his side.

As I got to the never changing house, my still heart sank. For a moment, my entire life flashed before my eyes. What if I had chosen differently? What if I had just given Edward up? Or never have met him? Everything would be so different, but everyone would still be alive. And I would still be human, plus Nessie would never have been born. I realised that as much as I wished to take it all back that I wouldn't have done anything differently and it was useless to battle in the what ifs.

It was Saturday, so I was not surprised to find his police cruiser parked in front of the house as usual. I could hear his beating heart as I parked and got out of the car to the house. I breathed in hard, another human habit, and mustered the courage to ring the doorbell twice. He rushed to the door as if knowing it was me who awaited him.

When he opened it, his eyes widened at my sight and without muttering a word I felt his arms wrap around my body tightly, very tightly. His body crushed against my own in a display of affection that I never witnessed from him. Not even when I was little had he hold me like this, not when I almost died in Phoenix to save Renee, not when I was lost in the woods when Edward left, not even when he didn't see me for weeks when I was pregnant with my daughter. He really was worried, more than I had initially thought and, as if confirming what I was thinking, he whispered "Bells… is this really you…?"

I felt him cry against my forehead which surprised and worried me. He never cried. Ever. God, what had I done to him? I hugged him back, giving him as much comfort as I could manage "It's me, dad" I whispered back, trying not to think about the tears that wet my face.

We stayed like so for what felt like a very long time as he took in my presence. Fortunately, I had feed prior to this so his blood was of no concern to me – I didn't need something else to come between us right now.

I smelled rain and sure enough a few seconds later it came down upon us as it was so usual in Forks. That awakened him, letting me go of his embrace and gesturing for me to come inside the house that once had been my own. He walked to the kitchen, with me following close behind, and opened the fridge taking a package of milk from inside. Charlie also put a casserole with water warming up on the stove as he asked me to sit down. I did as told and waited for him to finish what he was doing as I knew that it wasn't easy for him to have serious conversations, especially one's that involved his own feelings. On that aspect he and I were not so different, even though I was a little bit better on the subject since I had transitioned into this vampire state. Nevertheless, I understood him, so it wasn't hard for me to be patient with him, especially in such circumstances.

The water finished boiling and he poured it into two mugs, bringing them to the kitchen table along with the milk and some sugar. As he was fetching the teaspoons he asked "Earl Grey, right, Bells?"

"Yeah, thanks, dad" I murmured, taking one teabag for myself, placing it on the mug in front of me. Later, I mixed in the milk and sugar like I always did in my human days. He would think it strange if I did not.

Charlie finally sat down in front of me, mug in hand, drinking the liquid in it. I did the same and tried to hide as best I could how uncomfortable drinking that tea made me. It was like swallowing salted water mixed with sand grains, a terrible, terrible, thing to experience. But I did it for him. I wanted Charlie to feel as comfortable as possible, as if things still remained like they were before, when I was living with him, when I was still human. After all, I knew this supernatural stuff was not for him as best as he seemed to take it a few months back.

After drinking his tea for a while, it seemed he was at last ready to talk.

"I don't know where to start, Bella…, after everything that happened, I have no words to say. I was just… so worried about you and your daughter… that when Dr. Cullen called and explain everything the first thing I wanted to do was jump on a plane and go support you. But he said that you weren't awake and were not allowed any visitors, that you were still too fragile… I agreed to do what he said, after all he's the doctor not me, but I waited and waited, and you seemed to not be getting any better. You have no idea how many times I thought about just taking off anyway and leave to find you. And I couldn't even begin to think about the death of almost everyone that you loved, your daughter, your husband… whatever my opinion of him was, you loved him, and I knew you must have been suffering" He sighed, tears threatening to come out again. I had never seen in a such state. I placed my cold hand on top of his in support; he continued "All I could think was what happened to you in the autumn and winter after your 18th birthday when he first left you and that this was much worse. I was so worried but still also so consumed in my own grief. I loved little Nessie, so… so much, I can't imagine what you must be going through…" He confessed, grief and guilt filling his eyes.

I, myself, didn't want to remember the time when Edward left. It was something that I never quite had come to terms with, I never gave myself the time to so. All I knew was that I loved him, no matter what, and wanted to spend forever with him. But now our forever was gone, and I was left alone again. I tried not to think about it, it was again not the time, I couldn't be vulnerable here - I had to appear strong before Charlie. So, even, when he mentioned my daughter, I did my best to hide the pain that struck my heart. I had to make him believe that everything would be alright, that I was alright.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I failed you, twice now…" He apologised, not having the courage to look at me. I smiled at him gently, lovingly.

"You didn't fail me, dad. There was nothing you could have done to prevent any of this but, I am alright…, as alright as anyone can be in a situation like this…" I reassured him. Charlie smiled though it did not reach his eyes.

"I wish I could believe that Bells, as your father I really do… but we both know that's not true" He articulated while taking a sip of his tea "But don't worry, I know you're an adult now and that you need time to grieve and heal. To be honest, just seeing you here and not in a hospital bed is enough for me right now. I only ask you that if you need anything, anything at all, to promise me that you will call your oldman" He pleaded with a knowing look, though gentle. It hurt me to lie to him in that moment, especially after such an honest and empathetic statement from Charlie. But I had no other choice.

"Thank you, dad… and I promise" I said with a timid smile, also taking a sip of my tea. I tried not to look at him directly for I hated to lie and was not very good at it in the first place.

"Good, good…" Charlie said, seeming a little bit more at ease which was encouraging to me – I had done the right thing "And where are you staying, still at the Cullen house?" He inquired, probably trying to make the conversation not so heavy, though, he couldn't possibly imagine that the subject was not one that I was eager to tackle.

"Yeah, for now at least…" I admitted, not wanting to say much more on the subject since I, myself, didn't know what was going to happen in the next few days, let alone more time than that. And besides, I didn't plan to stay much longer on this Earth. But he didn't need to know that.

"Good" He repeated, satisfied with my answer "At least I know you will be with people that do support you. But if you ever need to, don't hesitate to come here, you know the doors to house are always open to you" Charlie reassured, making his point once more.

"Thanks, dad…"

"Ah… now I feel a little better. Thank you, Bell. There has been so many tragedies lately, that I'm almost bald from worrying all the time" He confessed, with a nervous laugh. I could tell that he was telling the truth, even omitting some of it for my sake. His eyes were red, not only from crying. He also looked tinner than the last time I saw him, dark circles seemed to have carved themselves permanently under his eyes. He didn't shave his beard for at least three weeks and dishes seemed to pile up on the kitchen sink. The house hadn't been cleaned in a while either. I worried for him.

"What kind of tragedies?" I asked, taking another sip of my tea, and pretending not to notice the state of him or the house.

"Oh, hum…, don't worry about it. I don't want to burden you with more stress than the one you are already experiencing" said Charlie, dismissing the subject completely, but I wasn't about to have that.

"Dad, you can tell me. I can manage my own emotions, but what I can't do is leave this house knowing that you weren't ok and that I did nothing to help" I assured him, my eyes piercing his with an unshakable determination. He seemed to understand this, that he had no way out of this conversation "So, what tragedies?" He looked down, trying to repel away more tears.

"Well, darling, other than yours… something happened down at the Reservation" For a moment my heart sank. What hadn't the others told me? I tried to remain calm as Charlie continued to explain, his eyes pinned down to his tea, barely able to speak calmly. I could see a deep sadness in them but also anger, burning within like fire on wood "There was an accident close to La Push… I warned Billy multiple times about this but…" He said, his left fist hitting the table in complete exasperation "He never listened. That group of kids that Jake used to hang out with died while cliff diving… there was a storm and a small tornado in the water and they drowned… Jake was with them that day… oh, Bella, he's also… also… dead" Charlie brought himself to finish before a tear escaped from his eyes.

I shouldn't be relieved by hearing about the death of my bestfriend and of most of the wolf pack, but at least it was something that I already knew about, as much as it hurt me inside to recall it. To remember their bodies broken in wolf form in the battlefield of snow and ash. I tried not to think about it, I didn't want to worry Charlie more than what he was already experiencing.

"I'm so sorry, dad…" I said, placing my hand again on top of his for support, my lips a mere hard line. Not for the last time, I cursed this vampiric existence that did not allow me to cry.

"I'm sorry too, Bells, I know how much he also meant to you…" He replied, his thumb rubbing against my skin "But you don't seem surprised…" He expressed, inquiring.

"Carlisle, already told me…" I lied, though, Charlie seemed to get annoyed by my response.

"For heaven's sake, I told him not to burden you with this!" He said in complete outrage.

"Dad, please, don't be mad at him. I'm glad he told me" I replied, playing along with our lies, to my displeasure.

"But he should know better! You're already going through a lot, the death of your daughter, your husband, your family, and your friends… I just don't want to lose you, like I lost them…" He confessed, more tears coming out. I never witnessed him cry before this day and now he had done it more times that I could count in both of my hands. That just made me worry more.

"You won't lose me… I will always be here" I lied again, tried to comfort him "I promise"

"I really hope that's true, Bella. I really do…" His eyes met mine as he said those words and I hoped that he didn't notice my lies, not for my sake but for his.

"How is Sue holding up?" I asked, trying to change the subject. His eyes seemed to darken at the thought, making me think that maybe I should have said nothing at all.

"Not well… I haven't seen her in two months. She's been down at La Push ever since they… the incident happened and we haven't spoken much by phone either" Charlie admitted, the fingers still holding his mug tightening around it "She says that she's very busy down there and that she doesn't want to bother me with her company… I respected her wishes, after all she is the one that lost a daughter not me, but I miss her… and at such a difficult time I admit that I needed her too. But I don't think she wants me around anymore…" He affirmed, lost on his own memories, in his emotions. Though, fortunately, with that problem I thought that I could be of some help to him for I understood all too well what it felt like to lose a daughter.

"Dad, you have to go be with her…" I said, firm on this "She might say otherwise to you, but she just doesn't want you to worry, to burden you. But trust me on this, she probably wishes you were there with her, at least if it was me I would…" I explained, not knowing for sure what Sue was feeling, though my instincts told me to say those words "Nevertheless, you should meet with her and tell her your feelings. It is in the darkest moments that you should stick together, and it might give you both a chance to clear the air"

Charlie pondered my words for a few minutes, his eyes on his mug, elbows on the kitchen table, hands together.

"You know… you might be just right" He murmured, his eyes softening "When did you become so wise?" At the question I smiled lightly.

"I grew up, remember?" Hearing those words, he also smiled though his eyes seemed saddened by the fact.

"Yeah, you did. You certainly did…" He articulated thoughtfully, as if grieving my precious self. Charlie got up and reached for my mug "Finished?" I nodded lightly as he took both of our mugs to the sink. He started washing them as I got up from the table. I pushed him aside and started washing the dishes myself.

"Bella, you don't need to that, you don't live- "Charlie tried to urge before I interrupted him.

"Dad, go be with Sue, I can finish up here" I told him firmly, not leaving space for a negative response from him.

"But- "He tried to argue.

"No but's, dad. Go!"

Charlie sighed in defeat and saying alright, alright, left the kitchen to go get ready to leave. After twenty-five minutes, he was again downstairs, his hair washed, bear made, a fresh set of clothes on. I was still washing the dishes at human speed. The pile would have given me nightmares in my human days but fortunately when he left, I had vampire speed to help me.

"Ok, I'm ready" He informed me, walking up to the kitchen and kissing me on the forehead "Thank you for this, Bells. You were missed" Charlie confessed.

"You're welcome, dad" I replied, embracing him lightly "And I missed you too"

"See you later?" He asked, hopeful as he turned to the door. I walked with him.

"No, I won't be here for a while, I'm going on a trip for a few months. Some fresh air might do me some good" I lied again, my heart aching. He appeared truly disappointed but seemed to decide not to argue about it.

"Alright, but don't forget your promise, Bella" His eyes were now on mine, inquiring, looking for confirmation.

"I won't, dad" I promised.

"And call me sometime, ok?" He asked, putting his jacket on.

"Will do" I obliged, handing him the umbrella "And good luck with Sue"

"Thanks, Bell"

Charlie expressed as he walked towards the car. I waved goodbye and watched as he disappeared in the rain. I got inside and finished washing the dishes. After that I decided that the house needed some desperate cleaning also, so that was exactly what I proposed myself to do. I needed to remain busy for the entirety of the day or at least for as long as I could. With that in mind I did the rest of the chores in human speed, taking as much time as I did and didn't need. It was about twilight when I finished everything and since Charlie was not yet at home, I figured everything had gone great with Sue, which made me happy for him. Since I was no longer needed, I closed and locked the door to my childhood house and walked towards the car. I drove also very slowly as I was not in a rush to get to the cottage again, not after the painful emotions I experienced this morning.

I dedicated the whole day to not think or feel anything else related to the so-called tragedy in my life, as Charlie put it. I couldn't let myself feel those emotions not if I wanted to help Alice and Benjamin. My mind had to be clear of my grief, or as clear as possible. Also, I didn't want to slow down the search because I didn't know how to keep my emotions in check. Carlisle was experiencing something similar to me and still he remained composed and firm, I had to be more like him if I wanted to help my family. I needed to not feel everything. But, God, was it hard. It had been extremely difficult hours ago to pretend to have it all together in front of Charlie and it was just for a few minutes, let alone the possible weeks or months that I would have to endure. But no matter, I had to be strong for them if not for anything else.

I arrived at my half-destroyed cottage, a pure and honest expression of my grief and of the deep emotions that came with it. I parked the car in front of the house and left its comfort to face the darkness outside. I stopped, hearing footsteps – someone was there. But then I smelled him as he appeared from inside the cottage.

"Bella" He whispered, walking closer to where I was still standing.

"Carlisle, what are you doing here?" I inquired, extremely embarrassed that he had seen what was left of my house. Now he knew, at least to some extent, how I was truly holding up, though, it was a silly notion to expect him not to know, after all, I was the one that didn't move for two and half months and he had to cover for me with Charlie. Again, the thoughts that haunted my mind before came back like sharp knives. Why couldn't I be more like him? More responsible. More mature. More put together.

"I needed to talk to you. I wanted to do it this morning but after what you told us you were planning to do and then the whole situation with Alice and Benjamin…, it just wasn't the right time" He confessed, his expression extremely serious "I figured you would come back here after your visit to Charlie, so I decided to just wait for you. Is this a good time?" He asked worry palpable in his voice as he traced every inch of my expression with his vampire vision. I sighed but knew it wasn't his fault for the bad timing, plus now I was intrigued.

"No, not really but tell me anyway, what is this about?" I asked my voice only but a whisper, trying not to look him directly in the eyes. The smile that he graced me with was a melancholic one, his eyes understanding of my words.

"It is better if I show you first" I remained unsure and suspicious about all of this secrecy. There couldn't be worse things than the ones we had already been through, so why the suspense? "Trust me…" He pleaded, his eyes reassuring.

I simply nodded and followed him through the woods. In less than a second, we were surprisingly in the back of the Cullen house. At first, I didn't understand why Carlisle couldn't have talked with me in the cottage but then when I looked at the green field that laid before me, I understood. I thought that that day couldn't possibly get any worse but alas I was wrong. It was not a field but a graveyard, a graveyard of our family, of our beloveds.

In this clearing were various tombs covered with moss and grass, at the top of each beautiful snow-white edelvaisse bloomed. At their entrance a stone with their names engraved revealed to whom the tomb belonged, something both so enchanting and sorrowful that it seemed a scenario brought to life from the pages of The Two Towers.

I walked slowly towards where his and my daughter's were. Next to each other they slept eternally below the stars and with the thought of that I felt my strength leaving me, after everything I had to keep inside that day it was exponentially harder to do so right now.

"We wanted you to be present at ceremony, but you still couldn't move, so we had to do it without you. Do you remember when I asked you to come?" He asked gently. I feel to my knees in front the graves before me and touch with all my love the cold stone with his name on it. Edward. Just reading the name made my heart burn with agony. I felt Carlisle's hand reaching for my shoulder but stopping midway, perhaps rethinking the best way to comfort me. Though I longed for touch, I knew myself enough to know that if such a thing were to happen, that I would cling to it like a lifeboat in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and, surely, that wouldn't be good for anyone, especially not for our search.

"Vaguely…" I said, barely remembering the conversation, though I remembered the day well. It was the day they took Reneesme's ashes and remains away "I'm sorry I didn't… I just…" I tried to say when he decided to sit in the grass next to me.

"I know…" He murmured, his eyes painted with my own grief "God knows how much I understand you, Bella… so there is no need for apologies" He admitted with an endearing smile, melancholy washing through his features "I only wish that there was more that I could do"

"More that you could do? You have already done more than enough" I reprimanded him, not believing he was saying those words. What was I a newborn nineteen-year-old vampire to him? The only reason we ever spoke was because of Edward's love for me. I knew Carlisle possessed an extraordinary compassion for others but still I didn't want him to waste it on me, I didn't want to be a burden. My guilt to what I was doing to Charlie was already enough for me, let alone be an inconvenience to someone else "I'm not your responsibility" I reminded him.

To my statement he laughed. Though it's sound was still breathtakingly beautiful, typical of a vampire, it was also noticeably broken. He seemed truly devasted.

"There is where you are wrong, extremely wrong" Carlisle delicately articulated, his voice but phantom of a sound as the smile slowly faded away from his lips. Suddenly, he seemed to reach for something he had in one of his pockets. Whatever it was he extended it to me "Nevertheless, I wanted to give you this" He said while putting the locket in my hands. I recognized it immediately, my heart threatening to burst with another wave of torment as I caressed the golden locket. It was the gift that I offered my daughter for Christmas. Plus que ma propre vie. More than my own life. And I meant it, yet I still wasn't able to save her. My hand tightened around it as I was forced to remember those precious moments. I could barely hear Carlisle speak "I have been carrying it with me ever since that day, as if a piece of her was still here with us… but it belongs with you now" He concluded as he looked away from my face, giving me some privacy. I was grateful for that.

"Thank you…" I managed to say, my eyes fixated on the small and fragile piece of gold in my hands, the only thing that remained from my daughter on this Earth.

"Do you want to put it on…?" He asked softly.

"Yes…" I answered, comforted with the idea of having her always near me.

"May I?" He requested, extending his hand to the locket. I simply nodded affirmatively as he gently took the piece of gold from my hands and placed it on my neck in a fluid movement. As I felt the gold touch my marble skin, I somehow felt a bit more at peace, feeling her with me "There" He murmured as he finished.

"Thanks"

The silenced filled the graveyard for what seemed like forever. The night was already advance as we remained there, without saying a single word more as if taking comfort in each other's grief. My mind wandered for hours with thoughts of my loved ones, with thoughts of my time together with my daughter and with him. I lingered for a while in the last, remembering his touch that I missed so much, his lips, his skin, his eyes, everything I dared to miss. My mind adventured itself into dangerous waters when it decided to bask in the memories we shared in Brazil. Even though it was through human lenses, I still remembered and cherished those memories immensely. Every kiss, every touch, every feeling still flowed deep inside me, and it tormented me to even remember.

It was in those agonizing moments that Carlisle spoke for the first time in hours.

"Did you meant it, what you said before…? About leaving…" He inquired, his voice only but a whisper, so low that one could only hear it with vampire earing.

I admit that the subject of the conversation was not my favourite, plus I did not want to argue again with him over my decision. I needed to do what was best for myself for once, and it was definitely not staying in this world suffering for all eternity. How I cursed it now. Amusing to think that two and half months ago I felt so differently.

I gathered the courage to answer, vowing to stay faithful to my own feelings, opinions, and decisions. Even if those things hurt him. He would survive, after all I didn't belong to his family for long, like the others. I didn't leave with him for centuries. He didn't change me, like he did with most of our family – I simply didn't belong.

"Yes, I did" I replied, my voice firm "Did you expect me to change my mind only because Alice and Benjamin are still alive?" I asked because for a while I had been wondering about this. The timing of his announcement was certainly convenient.

To my question he couldn't help but to smile, though it did not reach his eyes. Those remained filled with grief and melancholy.

"I confess, I did hope that you would, after all I don't wish to lose you" Carlisle admitted, his eyes know locked onto mine "But I suppose your mind is already quite made up and I doubt there's anything I or anyone could do to change it" He expressed, testing the waters, his eyes briefly hopeful. I hated to disappoint him.

"You're right about that" I softly articulated, gently destroying his hopes, not taking my gaze of his "I already made up my mind. After we rescue Alice and Benjamin, and if we are still alive, I will go through with my original plan" I looked again at the graves of my beloveds, my eyes fixated on their names. I bit my lower lip before continuing "I told you before… there is no reason to continue this miserable existence without them. Why should I suffer for all eternity? Haven't I been through enough?" Those questions were not directed at him but at the Universe. After everything me and Edward had been through weren't we allowed at least a happy ending? It seemed to cruel to be true, almost like I had upset the heaven's my falling in love with him. An act that offended the angels.

Carlisle sighed deeply beside me as if sharing my emotions and even my thoughts.

"No… you really do not deserve to live such a life, in utter darkness and misery. No one does…" His hands formed hard fists as he spoke those words. Carlisle breathed slowly as if preparing for something dreadful and because of this I would never even begin to imagine what words were about to come out of his lips "That is why I want to make a deal with you"

I looked at him now, shamelessly, not quite understanding what he was suggesting. The word intrigued did not even begin to cover how I was feeling at the moment. I blinked rather fast, another nervous human habit as I was trying to make since of it all. A few seconds later I finally gathered myself to question him.

"A deal? What kind of deal?" I managed to ask as his golden eyes turned to face me again, leaving the view of the green graveyard for just a few minutes.

"Just that… when the time comes, on the eventuality of our mission being successful and if you still desire to fulfil your… wishes, then I ask that you let me do it"

I couldn't help but to gasp in both shock and horror. What he was proposing… it would destroy him and me too. For him to know what my plans were was one thing, another completely different was for him to execute me himself. I didn't know if he understood exactly the meaning of his request, what it would do to his compassionate nature. Though I knew it wasn't like killing one of the others, the idea of him suffering because of me made me sick, I did not wish to worsen his emotions even more and wondered why he was willing to do this in the first place.

"Carlisle… you… can't possibly be serious" I tried to find the words but was still too speechless to form a coherent sentence. He waited though, patiently, after all it was in his nature "Why…? Why would you want to do such a thing for me?" To this he smiled lightly, softly though his eyes remained filled with disguised torment.

"Contrary to what you think, Bella, you are my responsibility" He insisted in the matter. I was about to argue back at his statement, but he gesture for me to wait "Edward loved you…" At the mention of my husband's name, I shivered lightly from an emotional avalanche that was about to occur. I remained quiet, listening to Carlisle's words, and doing my best to control my emotions around him. I seemed to have already worried him enough, so I did not wish to cause him anymore discomfort, after all he was also grieving – I wasn't the only one that lost my family "That reason alone should be more than enough to explain why I would help you be at peace, even if it means that to do so I must assist you in leaving this world… after all he is-…was my son. But if that motive still does not convince you, then know that you are still part of my family and I never abandon my family"

"But you are not abandoning me, I am the one that is choosing to leave" I tried to argue, attempting to make him understand, perhaps change his mind though the thought of him being the one to kill me was reassuring and an option of having a somewhat peaceful departing. But deep down I knew I didn't deserve such mercy and I wasn't going to take advantage of him like that "So… you don't need to do this for me. You already gave me Edward… that's more than enough, more than I ever asked for"

"So… you do not regret it then? Choosing this life…?" His question upon hearing my words was surprising and almost seemed out of place, but I sensed genuine curiosity and even a bit of astonishment.

"I honestly don't know…" I opted to say the truth, my mind going back to hours before when I thought about the same subject in front of Charlie's house "But ever since I meet Edward, I don't think I have had any say in the matter of my destiny"

Carlisle simply touched my shoulder, squeezing it, in a gesture of complete comfort, though I sensed he wished to say something more but refrained himself from doing so. A small, timid, smile bloomed from his lips, his eyes knowing of my feelings and perhaps of more. His gaze left mine, contemplating now the flowered tombs before us, the smile fading away from his features, a grave expression returning to them.

"How do you plan to do it, then?"

"I didn't decide yet" Was my answer, knowing exactly to what he was referring. Actually, it was the only part of my plan that I was really dreading "I thought about looking for nomads, they are territorial creatures after all, and just start a fight with one of them, provoke them perhaps over food or territory. On last resort my only hope was to ask another to kill me, even, considered going to what is left of the Volturi and doing the same thing he did back then" I confessed. The very thought of the idea would have made me shiver in my human days; it still did – it was a horrible way to die. But it was still better than to continue this miserable existence "Either way, the end result remains the same"

Though, I had to be honest - now, confronted with the only possibilities I had at my disposal, Carlisle's offer seemed to be the best option. A way to die peacefully, even if I knew I didn't deserve it for I was the author of all of our miseries.

"I see…" His voice was only but a whisper now, plugging me from my thoughts, and appearing to contemplate my fate as much as myself "Can I really not persuade you to change your mind and accept my offer?" Carlisle pleaded, his eyes turning to meet my own though this time it was I who turned my gaze away.

"No…" I manage to say, deep down meaning the opposite. I couldn't be there anymore, continuing this conversation a second longer for I feared if I did, I would end up giving into him, after all, it was all my selfish heart wished to do "And if that is all, then I will take my leave"

I got up, preparing to do so and turned my back on the graveyard that I soon hoped to join, saying my goodbyes to that beautiful place. If everything did go according to plan, it would be the last time I would ever look upon it.

"Even if he didn't want this…?"

That question made me stop my step all together. It haunted me. I knew what he would wish if he had been alive, and it definitely wasn't what I was choosing. I told myself it didn't matter because he was dead, but it wasn't enough to deceive me for I knew if the roles were reversed what my opinion of it all would be.

I heard Carlisle get up from where we were setting before and walk towards me. I didn't turn to face him, I couldn't, didn't have the courage to do so as I was too afraid to lose my composure, the last hint of strength that I was able to convey.

He didn't make a sound, nor did he attempt to touch me. We just stood there, in silence, as if waiting for of all the ages of this world to come crashing down upon us, turning us to nothing more than dust – ending that miserable suffering. He was experiencing it too, I knew that, try as he might to conceal it. Though where I was a mess, he was the image of composure and grace – better than I in every way.

"I knew my son… and he would never have wanted you to suffer such a death. In fact, Edward would most likely have wanted you to live, to continue… "Carlisle left that possibility hang in the air around us for a few seconds. Seeing I didn't respond, he continued "But I think that what I'm proposing is the better option out of all of your possible choices" He tried to reason for one last time, a final attempt to make me change my mind, though he did not know that I already had made my choice "Let me do this for you… for him…"

His final plead took all of the strength that was left in me for I knew he was right. So, when I finally laid my answer before him, I hated myself for the selfish being I was about to become. Maybe it was just in my nature to be so. Though, I told myself I was doing it for him - that for sure was no lie.

"Well, then… we have ourselves a deal" My voice was controlled, methodical, betraying my true feelings "See you tomorrow at dawn, Carlisle" where my last words before leaving the Cullen house for good, my change of heart remaining a puzzle to him.

*Note 1: 'The Two Towers' is clearly a reference to the second book in the Lord of The Rings trilogy by J.R.R Tolkien, from where I took so shamelessly the tomb sequence.

*Note 2: Edelvaisse is an Austrian white flower, author of many legends, one of them being that the flower was born from the tears of a young virgin (very fitting, minus the virgin part). Also, a reference from the 'Sound of Music'.

*Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading chapter 2! I must say sorry for the time it took me to finish it but this one is much, much longer than the first, which I did not expect to happen! I also wanted to thank for the review, favourites and follows on chapter 1, which encouraged me to continue with this story, as I wasn't really sure about it after publishing it on here!