Gradually, Bella's health stabilized. The sickness had taken her out of her classes for two days, which was something that would have bothered her under different circumstances. But school was slowly beginning to feel like a lost cause.

When she opened her front door that morning, Edward was there to greet her. Seeing him first thing in the morning had been so unexpected that she had lost her grip on her cup of coffee, smashing it to pieces on the front porch.

Distantly, she had a notion that this moment was her last. The ceramic would cut her open, and Edward would first drain her, and then move inside to finish off her father.

But Edward merely stood there, brushing away the broken pieces with his polished shoes. He didn't even acknowledge that he had startled her when he beamed, "You're better. I'm so relieved, Bella."

She stared down at the broken pieces of her cup, watching as the coffee leaked through the porch boards. "Good morning, Edward."

"You're going to class," he told her jovially. "And I'm taking you."

It wasn't an order, but it might as well have been. And she didn't argue. She merely went back into her house to grab her backpack and give Charlie a quick hug. She found that she couldn't hug her father for more than a few seconds without risking a complete breakdown, so she compromised with a side-hug and a kiss to the cheek.

"Careful out there," her father called after her. "It's icy. Say hi to Edward."

Bella didn't say hi to Edward.

In fact, she didn't initiate a single word to Edward Cullen during the whole ride to campus. She didn't bring up his glaring absence when she had been stuck in bed, fighting her fever and a swollen throat. She didn't care enough to point out that he should have been there as her so-proclaimed boyfriend. Beyond not caring, she had been relieved that he had stayed away.

"I want to apologize, Bella," he now said, partway to campus. "I want you to know that illness is not something I can be around."

Bella didn't respond.

"I care for you, but it's hard for me to see you that way."

She nodded faintly.

"I hope you understand." And when she remained silent, she felt his hand on her arm. She winced prematurely. "You're upset."

Bella placed as much empathy in her voice as she could, but it fell flat nonetheless. "No. I understand. You were dying from the flu, Edward. It makes sense."

If Edward heard anything off-putting in her tone, he didn't mention it.

After her classes that day, he drove her not to her home, but to the Cullen residence. Bella was already used to the fact that she had little say in this, so she trudged out of the car and in through the front door. Lifelessly, she stared at Esme Cullen who welcomed her from the kitchen.

"Bella, you look so much better."

But she felt so much worse. "Thanks."

She placed her backpack down on the floor near the dining table and pulled out a notebook along with her laptop. Studying felt useless, and her transfer application still mocked her from the corner tab on her screen. Everything felt bleak. Vaguely, she could feel the depression before it cascaded over her entirely.

Edward was in the kitchen, chatting gleefully with Esme as Bella stared down at a blank page in her notebook. She should be balancing the chemistry equation on her laptop screen, but her mind refused to make the effort. What was the point of any of this?

And then, the loud click of heels echoed throughout the open space. Bella looked up to see Rosalie descending the main stairs, her eyes on her phone. The red jumpsuit she wore looked entirely unfair on her.

When she made it to the kitchen, she eyed Edward. "Where is Jasper?"

"He left this morning," Esme replied. "He's been called to report in."

Rosalie scoffed, the sound of her heels loud on the hardwood as she approached the living room. Esme laughed at something Edward said, and then followed him outside. Through the large windows, Bella could see her showing him an empty plot of grass, describing something she couldn't hear.

Grimly, she envisioned they were discussing where they'd bury her. It certainly seemed appropriate.

"I'm told you and I are meant to be family."

Bella didn't even jump at Rosalie's quiet presence at the seat beside her. She was momentarily mesmerized by the way her golden eyes complimented the shade of her hair. "Who told you that?"

"The giant ring box Edward's been parading around."

Pure panic ran through Bella's veins—the first real bout of emotion to grace her body that day. "What?"

A knowing, harsh smile graced Rosalie's lips. "So surprised?"

Well, Edward loves you, Bella. He's going to propose.

Alice.

The panic deflated quickly into nothing. Because of course, it was all planned out. "No, I'm not surprised."

"No?" She leaned her elbows on the table. "You intended on marrying my brother the moment you stepped foot into our home?"

"I've learned that what I intend doesn't really matter."

"So morose."

She stared down at her notebook. "And Edward's not your brother."

"No," Rosalie mused. "He really wasn't meant to be." A hand came up to rest on her own shoulder, and Bella could faintly see the mark there. It reminded her of Jasper, because it was a scar. But this one had a different origin.

"Does Emmett have one too? On his shoulder?"

Rosalie's hand came down, her eyes staring fondly at her skin with the only blemish. "The human knows about mating."

"The human is learning." And the more she learned, the less she wanted any part of it. "I heard that getting a scar hurts more than being torn apart."

"Yes, but your mate should strive to make the experience as pleasurable as possible."

The blush failed to warm Bella's cheeks. "Why did you choose the shoulder?"

"I found the neck to be cliche. The angle at the time, as well…"

"Got it."

Rosalie merely smirked at her.

"What made you pick Emmett?"

"His strength."

Bella waited for her to add on more, but she didn't. "Just his strength?"

"It's what Carlisle wanted."

Weird. "You're mated to Emmett because it's what Carlisle wanted?"

"Well, initially, I was meant for your Edward."

Bella's eyes darted to the windows to find that Esme and Edward were gone. "I don't understand."

"Why would you understand, silly girl?" She sighed. "I was meant to end Edward's loneliness. But he refused me, like he refuses anyone without a beating heart."

This was all so, so jumbled. "So, you loved… Edward?"

"What? What does love have to do with anything?" She shook her head, as if Bella had uttered the most ridiculous thing. "Carlisle saw my human beauty and decided that I was the one for his son. You know, Edward is his golden child—his first."

"Carlisle turned you to be Edward's mate?"

She shrugged, running her thumb over her nails.

"I'm sorry, Rosalie, that's just…"

"Awful? I'm not exactly upset that I missed out on Edward. He has peculiar interests that I don't agree with."

"Peculiar interests," Bella repeated. "I'm assuming you know about Olivia, and the rest of—"

Rosalie's hands slammed on the table. "Unspoken rule, Bella. It's not something we talk about."

"Because you know it's not okay," she challenged.

"Because Edward is Carlisle's favorite, and he gets free passes just as long as he stays within the law."

Perhaps it wasn't good to bait a vampire, but Bella already felt like she had little left to lose. "You watched him parade these women around your family, knowing the outcome and did nothing?"

She rolled her eyes, sneering, "They all end up dead, anyway. And you're not any different, so I really don't understand what sets you apart enough for Edward to go to Harry Winston and buy you a stupidly gorgeous diamond ring."

"Maybe around me he finally gets some peace and quiet," Bella muttered bitterly. "I am gifted, you know."

The slight twitch in Rosalie's face was something entirely unexpected. Bella didn't even think vampires were capable of flinching.


"I hear you're walking around the Cullens like a corpse."

Bella placed a finger on a line in her book and looked up to find Jasper's crimson gaze. Her bedroom was dim as the sun was almost down for the day. She immediately noticed the sprinkling of rain on his shirt and in his hair. "A corpse. Fitting, isn't it?"

"You've accepted your fate so quickly."

Rain was getting in through her bedroom window from where he had entered. She got up from her bed and forcefully slammed it shut. "Don't mock me, Jasper. I'm not in the mood."

"Apparently not. I thought there was more fight left in you."

"You've scared me out of making any decisions. Reacting is a mistake. Thinking is a mistake. Distractions are all I have left."

It was true. She had read two books in the last three days just to keep her mind busy. She didn't need to think about a dreadful ticking clock that kept winding down and down until her humanity was drained out of her. She especially wanted to block out the fact that her father could be daughterless in a matter of months. Just the faint thought of that brought tears to her eyes.

So she did her best to push it all away, because she could guess exactly why Jasper was here.

Brushing past him, she motioned for him to follow. "It's been a while since you've had blood. But first, come downstairs and let me eat."

Wordlessly, Jasper followed her downstairs. Her dad had been called into the station, so the house was entirely quiet.

Bella reheated some leftovers and sat at the dining table, watching Jasper as he roamed the living room, eying the framed pictures on the walls.

She saw him pass her childhood photos. "I barely remember who I was back then."

Jasper examined them. "You look nothing like this little creature."

Stoically, she asked, "Did you know that Rosalie was supposed to be mated to Edward?"

He didn't even miss a beat, straightening from where he had leaned over to look into a picture frame. "I did. She disappointed Carlisle heavily."

Weird, again. "Just because Edward didn't want her? That's harsh. I felt sorry for her."

"Carlisle thought she'd be gifted. Her human beauty was unusual, and he mistakenly assumed she would be a siren."

Bella could guess the general description of that gift. "A siren, like from the Odyssey?"

"Similar. Irresistibility, charm, and powers of seduction. Rosalie is beautiful, but she isn't a siren."

Perhaps that was why her gifted comment seemed to strike her so deeply. It was an old wound that Bella had probably pried open.

As Jasper continued to walk around their bottom floor, Bella faintly acknowledged that he hadn't been there before. Her room was probably the only place in her house that he was familiar with. She watched as he perused the long, skinny bookshelf—so small in comparison to his own that spanned multiple walls. He opened the cabinets below their TV only to close them after merely a glance.

Normally, snooping in this manner would get a guest kicked out. But this was Jasper. Bella decided that he had a very peculiar way of showing interest.

"You're so unfeeling that I'd say you got your shield working," he said, pausing beside her. His eyes still roamed the living room.

Bella swallowed her current bite. "My shield? You mean my physical shield?"

"Yes," he said, his eyes now scanning the kitchen. "I suggest you do everything in your power to attain it. Talk to Carlisle. He would be stupid to not allow you to strengthen a gift as a human. It will present stronger once you're turned."

"I don't understand. You want me to talk to Carlisle?"

That was when he looked at her. "You're in quite the unsavory situation, Bella. Take my advice. Get as strong as you can with what you have." And then, he began walking. He was in the kitchen, opening cabinets and peering into them. "Alice will object, but Carlisle will be ecstatic." His eyes cut to her, his following words a repeat of before, "And Carlisle's word goes."

"Why would Alice object?"

"Because if you get your shield working, you can block me. And if you can block me, you can block Alice. Blindsiding her without a shield is possible, but very hard. You would be her one kryptonite."

"And also… yours?"

He looked back at the dishes in the cupboard. "And Edward's, currently."

Bella got up and put her dish in the dishwasher, squeezing past Jasper as she did so. "What will blocking Alice get me? A little more privacy?"

"A little more freedom—something you shouldn't take for granted."

"But it won't prevent me from dying," she stated. "Correct?"

"I thought you had already accepted your fate."

Bella released a harsh laugh, because it was all so absurd, and depressing, and hopeless. Her emotions faded into nothing, that numbness returning, blanketing the agony. It was her safe space, if she just didn't feel. Besides, she had blood to give.

She stood before Jasper, gesturing vaguely for him to get on with it.

He regarded her for a second and, after a silent question for her permission, began his examination. His hands came up to her face, lifting, lowering, and maneuvering side to side. Fingers felt up and around her throat.

"You seem tired," he commented.

"More emotionally than physically."

His proximity should have pumped adrenaline throughout her body. She should have felt just a little bit of fear at the thought of bleeding in front of a vampire, even though it was just Jasper. Her survival instincts usually didn't care that it was him; they almost always prepped her body for flight.

But the numbness overtook her. It was a new, and strangely welcome feeling. She wanted to curl into it. And she knew it wasn't Jasper's doing.

"I told you to use your eight months wisely," Jasper said, his fingers beneath the sides of her face, tilting up her head. "This is certainly not what I meant."

Her voice was low, barely a murmur. "I don't know what you mean."

"You're going to feel worse if you let these days waste away, Bella. You may not have a choice in your death, but you can make the most of what you have."

She sighed heavily, as if she had no energy to even debate this very subject. She stuck her arm up, pressing her wrist against his mouth. "Drink, Jasper."

But he didn't. Bella didn't feel the sting of his teeth, even as she prepared herself for it. She only felt his grip on her other arm as he pulled her a step away from him.

The more he stared at her, a sense of agitation washed through her. She knew he was scrutinizing her emotions, so she stepped closer and raised her arm up once more. "Bite."

This time, he did. She felt his teeth sink into her wrist as one of his hands came up to hold it steady. Gradually, she found herself being pushed back until her lower back hit the kitchen counter. And now, her body finally reacted. Her heart raced frantically at the notion that she was trapped between Jasper and the granite counter.

That familiar rhythm of the back and forth eventually fell into place as Bella closed her eyes, her forehead occasionally brushing his chest as he drew, and drew, and drew.

She took in his scent that smelled of trees—fresh, inviting pine. The aroma of rain clung to him, and it reminded her of when he had shown up amidst her terrible fever.

She thought about him under her covers, how his body had been cold and rigid, plastered against her. She thought about his wonderings, his voice, and the way his fingers had pressed over her skin to assess her health, similarly to how they were now firmly holding onto her wrist.

She thought of how she had felt. Embarrassed. She had been so embarrassed—so sick, and helpless in her bed; shivering, her body on overdrive attempting to rid her of the virus, bacteria—or whatever it had been. And he had felt her embarrassment. All of it.

But hadn't she been right to be embarrassed? Since when had Jasper ever been that close to her besides the feedings? He hadn't hesitated for a second to join her in bed. She recalled how good the coolness of his skin felt against her body that had been burning up.

It was inappropriate, wasn't it? It should have been.

But she had relished the feeling of his fingers on her forehead, his arm so casually draped over her waist that it had felt perfectly normal. Natural. Despite how it all now felt distantly like a fever dream, she remembered the feeling of his breath on her ear, and his chest against her back. And vaguely, she recalled facing him, with his hands in her hair, and on her face. But she also remembered being pressed closer. She had opened her eyes to darkness—and still, he had been there, her body molded tightly against his, her head nestled beneath his neck—

Jasper pulled back immediately, and that was when she noticed how one of his legs had gradually snaked between hers. Part of his weight was on her, pinning her against the counter. He still held her wrist as he gazed down at her. His lips were reddened, and Bella stared at them with grim wonder. That was her blood.

And then, Jasper disappeared—but only for a moment. He returned with tape and bandages, and proceeded to wrap her wrist.

The only sounds were the rain pattering lightly outside and the scratch of tape as he tended to her wound.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"Thank you for being there when I was sick."

He patted her bandage once before withdrawing his hands. "A human's emotional state will eventually reflect on their physical body. Your body keeps score of how you talk to yourself and what you let yourself feel."

Bella puffed out a breath. "You're saying unhappiness makes me more prone to illness? That doesn't sound very scientific."

"With how you're feeling right now, there's a good chance you'll neglect your needs. Nutritious food, exercise, and your overall well-being. There's a correlation, Bella."

"Thanks, doctor." She moved to pass him, and instantly felt a wave of vertigo. She gripped the counter. "What is your take on losing a few pints of blood every few weeks? Perhaps not too healthy?"

She could sense his arms hovering around her, probably with the intention to carry her up to her bedroom. But she held up a hand. "It's okay. Let me."

Slowly, with a hand massaging her forehead, she navigated her way, taking her time going up the stairs. When she finally sat down on her bed, Jasper was in her room, offering a glass of water.

She accepted it and began sipping lightly, watching him as he stepped forward to the window, eyes scanning the trees.

Then, he turned to her. "Regarding Carlisle," he began, "you should be careful of your wording, your hesitation, and your emotions. By proposing to work on your shield, you're implying very heavily that you're agreeing to turn."

Bella carefully placed the water glass down by her bedside, because her hands were beginning to shake at the thought of her reality. "Forced into acceptance is different than agreeing." Releasing a troubled breath, she asked, "Why do my feelings matter at all? Why hide them from Carlisle?"

"Because Carlisle has built his coven on a false sense of belonging. Most of his coven had no choice in their deaths, but a common understanding of peace has kept everybody complacent. That is what Carlisle wants and expects in exchange for his protection."

"Protection from… nomads?"

"Nomads, covens, and our kings," he listed out. "Our world is a vicious game of numbers and status, Bella."

"What does that mean?"

"Numbers imply that you have bodies to throw to a fight. A high status means you have resources to attain those numbers. Carlisle has both."

"And the more gifted, the better," Bella added, frowning. "That's where I come in."

"Carlisle wants you," Jasper told her. "And he will kill you to add to his numbers, regardless of what you feel."

"So, fighting is futile?" she asked solemnly.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her up to her feet. "Work on your shield. Twist this into an opportunity to get stronger." He went over to her open jewelry box, picking up that dreadful necklace.

"And wear the crest." He held it up to her, eyeing it distantly. "He will be pleased to see it."


Carlisle's office was hidden away at the far corner of the Cullen home. It was large, with portraits and paintings that seemed to be dated back centuries; they contrasted heavily with the large, sleek gray desk at the center. The room seemed to be designed to incorporate both classic and minimalist decor—an elegant clash of the new and the old.

"Bella," Carlisle said invitingly, seated at his desk. "Come in."

"Carlisle." Bella closed the door behind her. There were wooden chairs at the front of his desk with leather padding, and she picked one to sit on. The chandelier above them glittered with what seemed like a thousand crystals, the gems reflecting light onto her. Bella saw how Carlisle's interest piqued at the sight of the pendant on her chest.

She didn't miss the approval that ran across his face. "What can I do for you?"

Bella cut straight to it. "I've been learning more about gifts, and I wanted to talk to you about my shield."

"Your shield," he repeated, interested.

"Edward can't read my mind, so that makes me a mental shield," she began, touching on common ground. When he nodded, she continued, "But I've also learned that shields tend to come in pairs. Is it also possible that I have a physical shield that I haven't developed?"

"It is possible," he said thoughtfully. "It's already miraculous that you show your gift so strongly as a human."

Yes, thank goodness, or Alice wouldn't have batted an eyelash as Edward ripped me to shreds. "I'd like to learn if I could develop it. Jasper told me that the more a gift is present in the human years, the more powerful it will present as a vampire."

"Jasper is correct." He didn't hide his fascination, confirming, "If you develop a twin physical shield as a human, it will present stronger after you're turned, whether that be its radius or structural stability."

"Doesn't that imply that I should be working towards it?"

"Yes," he drew out, his hand grabbing for a pen. "Bella, let's discuss a timeline."

She kept her face blank. "A timeline."

"From my understanding, my son isn't very… excited at the idea of changing you."

"Edward loves my humanity," she said diplomatically.

"And what are your thoughts?"

My thoughts are that I don't want to die. "I am familiar with your Law of Exposure."

Carlisle seemed genuinely surprised by that. "So, you are aware that you simply knowing of my family requires for you to make the transition."

Bella swallowed, rough. "I am aware."

"Good," he said simply, his eyes falling to some books in front of him. "Have you heard of our kings in Italy?"

"I have."

"They are generous. They understand an immortal's desire for companionship, and they allow a grace period of one year after exposure. This gives the human the time to settle any last human wishes and arrange their death."

Her throat was tight. "Very generous."

He pulled out a piece of paper from a drawer, and began writing. An image of Jasper doing the same flashed before her eyes.

"Eight months is your remaining grace period, but that is not a hard commitment. If you choose, we can pick a sooner date."

"No," she said quickly, attempting to swallow the panic in her tone. "I'd like as much time as possible."

"Understandably," he murmured, his pen scratching on the paper. "Late September is what I'll allow and declare to Italy."

He eventually put his pen down and folded his hands before him. "Now, regarding your shield," he said, bringing them back to the main topic at hand. "I have discussed this with Jasper. He agrees that you have a great potential in demonstrating a physical one. You will have to work diligently. You see, gifts are like muscles, Bella. If you don't actively work them everyday, they weaken. And you need to strengthen yours."

All Bella could do was nod.

"Your proposal wasn't something I had expected, truthfully. With Edward's reluctance to turn you, I had thought it was because of your own hesitation."

"Edward's reluctance doesn't sway the law."

"No," he agreed, and then a fond look appeared on his face as his gaze traveled down to her necklace. "You will be good for him. I can already see it." He smiled warmly. "You will make a fine mate to my son, Isabella Swan."

She took a sharp intake of breath. "Mate?"

"Pardon my forwardness." He chuckled. "I will, of course, leave you both to discuss such details. Though I should tell you that Edward remains old fashioned with his commitment to marriage." He had a knowing look on his face, as if he were revealing some great news to Bella. "He will be good to you, and you to him. I am sure of it."

He would be terrible for her. And for eternity? Unimaginable. With her hands pressed together to prevent them from openly shaking under his gaze, she got to her feet.

She tried her best to keep her voice even. "Thank you, Carlisle. I should talk to Jasper, then?"

"Yes." He clasped his hands. "Please work with him. He has the most appropriate physical gift for you to practice with. I have some literature I'll share with him for shielding techniques."

"Okay."

He stood from behind his desk. "Though, before you leave—I've gotten word from the hospital staff that you've terminated your volunteer work. Did something happen?"

Your family happened, Carlisle. "I just didn't quite see the point, anymore."

A sense of understanding came upon his face. "The nurses wanted me to tell you just how much they appreciated your time."

And she told herself not to cry. "I don't need the volunteer hours anymore. I'm not going to Seattle."

"University of Washington." He contemplated. "Perhaps a few years after your change, you might consider again."

She didn't quite comprehend how she made it to the door. It opened before she could even touch the handle, and there was Jasper. His gleaming red eyes were soft as they scanned her once from head to toe before stepping to the side, and letting her pass. "Bella."

Her bottom lip trembled. "Jasper."

And the door shut gently behind her.


A/N: This chapter: Rosalie time, Bella's despondency, and a shield proposal.


A little taste for what's coming up:

But before he could take another step towards her, Jasper blocked his way. Edward snarled, "Leave, Jasper. This does not concern you."

Jasper's voice was level. "Isabella Swan is under Carlisle's protection, and therefore, mine."

"You serve Carlisle, but you also serve me," he growled. "And I'm ordering you to leave."


A/N: Welcome, 2023.