Esme was sautéing vegetables when Bella entered the Cullen home the next day. She hadn't gone to class, and she also hadn't gotten out of bed until noon.
"Hello, Bella," Esme greeted with bright, delighted eyes. "Welcome."
Bella's eyes merely darted up the main stairs. Before she moved towards them, Esme came around the kitchen. "We have a guest coming tomorrow evening. Carlisle has requested that you come."
"A guest?"
"Yes." She glanced back towards the kitchen. "Around 6 PM, I would say. And let me know when you're ready for lunch—or dinner. Whenever you're done today."
"Who's coming tomorrow?" Could she expect a vampire, or a human? With the Cullens, she really couldn't predict.
"A friend of Carlisle's," Esme replied. And then, she smiled, retreating back to the kitchen. "That scarf looks lovely on you, by the way."
It was a burgundy one that felt light across her skin. Her voice wasn't lovely when she told her, "You can thank your son for it."
When Bella arrived at Jasper's library, he wasn't alone.
Alice was leaning across his desk, gazing at some papers with scrutiny. She didn't even look up when Bella entered.
Jasper was at the other end of the room, flipping through a large book.
"Not very interesting," Alice murmured. "The Danish clan gained two members, but reported only one? How boring has court gotten."
"It was always dull." Jasper slid the book back onto the shelf. "They'll still be punished for it. The unreported one was gifted."
"What gift?"
"Telekinesis."
Alice made a noncommittal sound, stacking the papers together and sliding them to the side. She was still examining the top-most one when she said lightly, "Bella. How wonderful to see you." And then, she glanced up. "That scarf does look lovely on you. Though perhaps ease it a little with the snark. Esme is a sensitive woman." She made her way around the desk to stand before her, waving her delicate fingers at Bella's throat. "Well, let's see."
The scarf? Bella awkwardly pulled down the portion that was wrapped to hide the bruises. And then, Alice's fingers were on her skin. Her touch had been so unexpected that she jerked back.
A trauma response, perhaps.
"I won't hurt you," Alice scolded as her fingers felt around her throat. "No teeth on your neck, right Bella?"
Bella immediately tensed. Esme was downstairs. Her eyes darted to Jasper, but he was turned away. Alice's fingers shifted as a swallow pushed down her throat. "No."
"Good." Bella's spine straightened when she felt a fingernail scrape down the side of neck. "Teeth are sharp. We don't want any more damage here, do we?" She tugged the scarf back up and adjusted it neatly. Prettily. She looked into her eyes for a moment, and then announced, "All done."
Alice went back towards the desk, and Bella sat numbly at one of the chairs in front of it. The examination was unexpected, and so jarringly similar to when Jasper touched her before a feeding. "Esme said there would be a guest coming tomorrow."
"Yes, the Volturi love to keep tabs," Alice replied with mock cheer as she lifted a piece of paper, turning it over. "Just sit there and look pretty. You don't need to do anything."
Bella's eyes darted to Jasper, who seemed entirely unaffected. "The Volturi are coming?"
Alice scoffed. "Just an uninteresting part of them."
"Only you would call Demetri uninteresting, Alice," Jasper murmured, his eyes roaming the spines of his books.
"He's the least interesting of all." Alice turned her golden eyes to Bella. "I don't understand why they're sending him; Carlisle has already declared your shield. It's not like Demetri would be able to catalog you, anyway."
"Catalog me?"
Jasper flipped through another book in his hand, then returned it to the shelf. "Demetri Volturi is a specialized tracker of the Volturi's Guard. He can track the essence of your mind and locate you at a whim. For him to be able to do that, he has to catalog your essence—once, when he meets you in person." He glanced at Bella. "We predict that your shield will hide you, hence rendering his attempt at cataloging useless."
"Oh, he won't be able to stand it," Alice said giddily. "He'll beg for you to lower that delightful shield of yours."
"When have you ever heard Demetri beg, Alice?"
She threw him a mischievous smile, but addressed Bella. "You seem confused, sweet girl."
Because she was. "I can't lower my shield. I've tried. Edward had me try."
"Oh, Edward," Alice sighed, shaking her head. "You can lower your shield, Bella. You just don't know how."
Jasper appeared by Bella. "We can work on that, too. But we would need Edward."
"Or Demetri," Alice chimed in. "Or Jane. Perhaps Alec." She looked at Bella, distant. "You'd drive them all crazy, wouldn't you?"
Bella didn't even know who these people were, but lowering her mental shield was not a priority. If having it gained her any sort of advantage over a vampire, she wouldn't even think about letting it go.
"Jane and Alec," Bella said, "are they also part of the Volturi?"
Alice barked out a laugh, eying Jasper. "You've taught her nothing. I'm beginning to think your contract is deliciously one-sided."
Jasper seemed to ignore her. "They are, Bella. They're two of the most gifted offensive weapons in their Guard." A hand tapped the back of her chair. "Let's get started."
Alice sashayed by them, heading towards the door. "You just can't wait to get off my radar, can't you?" She turned her head back to Jasper. "What did Demetri like, again? AB positive? So dreadfully basic."
Jasper was at his desk. "Carlisle wouldn't approve of human blood in the house."
Alice swung out a hand towards Bella. "He approves of her just fine. What blood type are you, Bella?"
Was it embarrassing that she couldn't remember? "I don't know."
"O-negative," Jasper answered smoothly, and then began sorting the papers on the desk.
"Boo. In some covens, it's customary to offer a human to a guest."
"Alice," Jasper warned.
"What?" She asked innocently. "Bella deserves to know how good she has it here. Has Jasper mentioned some of our European covens? They favor blood dungeons."
"Blood dungeons?" Bella asked, both dangerously curious and borderline terrified.
"Ah, it solves the homelessness problem quite well, doesn't it?" Alice mused. With a shrug, she closed the door behind her.
"Blood dungeons?" Bella repeated, staring at Jasper.
But he didn't reply. His eyes were on his desk. Waiting.
And then, just half a minute later, he looked up. A spark in those eyes. "You frustrate her."
"I barely said anything."
"You don't need to." He stepped around his desk. "Your emotions are muted. And I bet you're blurring out of her visions."
A jolt of energy ran through her, and it shot her up to her feet. She searched his face. "Is my shield working?"
His smile was small, but noticeable. "You should keep practicing."
Yes. Bella immediately sat back down and let the situation sink in. The positive feedback was encouraging, and she suddenly found the drive to work for hours, and hours. "I don't feel it though. Am I supposed to feel my shield?"
Jasper's head cocked to the side, and then his hands were on that big binder, flipping through papers. "You should feel something," he said after a while of reading. "It's physical. It should feel like a second layer to your skin."
She frowned. "No. I don't think I feel anything like that."
"It's probably not consistent enough. Your emotions are muted, but they're still there. I still feel them."
Bella smiled. "Do you really think Alice is frustrated?"
"I don't think. I know."
She leaned back in her chair, just a little satisfied. "Do you want to take a walk and do this outside today?"
He was by the door in an instant. "There will be external stimuli. Just don't let it distract you."
She wouldn't dream of it—not with this promise of progress.
And so, in the next fifteen minutes, they were walking into the woods. Bella zipped up her windbreaker to battle the climate, and Jasper… was in a t-shirt and jeans.
The rain was merely a sprinkle, glittering down through the thick clouds on occasion. Bella only felt it on her forehead when the trees shifted.
"Alice seemed nicer before." She sneaked a glance at him. "And now… I don't know. Has she always been this way?"
"What way?"
"Mocking? Intense? A little threatening, maybe?"
Jasper's head tilted up. A bitter smile, but a smile nonetheless. "Always."
"She seemed so different to me. Until…"
He looked at her, firm. "Alice Cullen doesn't care to play a part with you anymore, Bella. She would have rather had your full cooperation, but you're not giving her that. She banked on you falling in love with Edward and throwing yourself at his feet. She predicted that you would be easy."
She rolled her eyes. "Well, that's a little offensive. Has she even met her brother?"
"It doesn't matter. You're human, and she expected Edward to charm you thoroughly. He didn't succeed." He stared at the trees above. "You didn't come to her begging to be turned so you could be with him. You didn't embrace immortality like she wanted you to. Alice has no reason to play to your nice side anymore."
"A little two-faced, much?"
"Understatement."
She definitely would have fooled her. And she probably had. "I wonder when she finally saw that I wouldn't be swayed by Edward. I don't think I ever loved him."
Jasper's response was easy. "You didn't."
The grassy opening they reached wasn't too big, and the sun flitted through the thick, gray clouds periodically. They sat on damp grass facing one another.
For the next hour, Jasper drowned Bella in unrelenting terror. The session was similar to many before, where her body was paralyzed by a fight-or-flight response that she had no control over. No amount of deep breathing had ever worked against it, and her shield was only vaguely protecting her, if at all.
Now, she cradled her head in her hands, breathing deeply to calm her body. She had taken off her windbreaker a few rounds ago, and the sprinkle of rain did nothing to help cool her down.
"Should we try something other than fear?" Bella questioned through labored breaths. "What other things can you do?"
Jasper's eyes were on the grass, and then they flicked up to her. A challenge. "Are you ready?"
She straightened her spine. "For?"
And then, she felt a light tickling in her belly. The sensation was odd, and unexpected. It traveled up her abdomen and her chest until the laughter erupted from her lips. She covered her mouth with her hands, trying to suppress the giggles.
"No," she groaned through her glee. "You can't just—this is unfair."
Jasper leaned back on his hands. "I don't even think you're fighting anymore."
She clutched her torso and fell back onto the grass, smiling up at the gloomy sky—which, at that moment she absolutely adored.
After a few moments of delirious glee, she closed her eyes and envisioned protection. But the laughter bubbled up her throat every few seconds no matter how many shapes she envisioned around her body.
"It's not working," she complained with absolute joy. It was mildly sickening.
The grass sighed beside her when Jasper laid down. He seemed perfectly content with letting her suffer as he stretched out, a hand tucked beneath his head. He didn't even need to look at her to send her giggling mercilessly.
This was a different type of torture. She hadn't felt real glee in a long while, and this synthetic feeling was just lying to her. It was an odd sense of betrayal of the senses. When the laughter overtook her, all she really wanted to do was cry.
And perhaps Jasper sensed that. "Would you prefer the fear?"
"Maybe," she admitted between fits of laughter that was undoubtedly strengthening her abdominals. When Jasper finally let her go, she panted lightly, pressing her palms down onto the cool grass beneath her, stabilizing her body.
She turned her head towards his, which lay just a foot away. "You could warn me, you know."
"No one will warn you before they use their gift on you. Why should I?"
She shook her head, the grass rustling right beneath her ears. "Relentless laughter. Fear. What else can your mighty empath powers do to me?"
"Sorrow. Would you like to cry instead?"
God no. "Next."
But Jasper kept staring at the sky, and instantly, Bella felt it happen. The tears came so quickly that they immediately burned her eyes, wanting so desperately to be let out. When they began streaming down her face, she rose up and pulled her knees into her chest. She wanted to be as small as possible with the despair that was beginning to slice her open.
"Make me stop, Bella."
Tucking her head into her knees, she wanted it to stop. She willed for it to stop. Pulsing. Pulsing. Pulsing. Blue, pink, red. Any damn color you want to be. Protect me, damn it. Just protect me.
But at least this felt like a more natural state of mind.
She hadn't fully processed her death—what human ever could? But occasionally, when she had calm mornings with her father, or when she saw children out in the winter cold, bundled like marshmallows, she felt the despair before it crept up onto her. She'd make it to someplace quiet before the tears would come, and they'd wreck through her. And after, she'd press a cold towel to her face, because the evidence was damning. Her father couldn't see. No human could see. Because she could never talk about it; any explanation would be breaking vampiric law.
Now, her shoulders shook through the sobs… until they didn't. Hope soared through her instantly at their absence, and she wiped away her tears, drying her face with a sleeve. "Did it work?"
"No," he said quietly, "you're muted, but you still aren't fighting my influence." He turned his head to her, still on the grass. "Anger?"
She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. "Give me a second."
Breathing deeply, she wanted to calm her nervous system down before another assault. There was likely an unhealthy amount of inflammation in her body due to the intense bouts of emotions.
When she lowered her hands, Jasper was sitting. There was an unmistakable amount of admiration in his eyes. "Ready?"
She nodded once. And then, she wanted to burn the world.
Red hot anger flamed up her chest. Her hands clenched into fists immediately and she—quite unreasonably, and perhaps stupidly—wanted to punch something. Anything. Her thoughts morphed, wanting to target reality. The anger she felt sought to find a reason. Something to hate.
She found it very easily.
Every look on Edward's face was permanently etched into this book of fury. It made her want to rip the dirt from the ground and slam her fists into the trees around them. His golden eyes, once so pure, now only represented death and destruction. She wanted him to hurt, and she couldn't feel an ounce of regret for it.
How dare he throw her into his world, fully knowing the consequences? How dare he keep the details from her? What gave him the right to dictate her life, and her death?
"You're letting it fuel you," she heard Jasper's voice. "You should be doing the opposite."
"I hate him."
"Focus."
Her teeth ached from how hard she was keeping her jaw shut. Edward didn't matter. The Cullens didn't either. It was just her. It would always be just her. Because after they did their worst—after they took her life away from her—she would be on equal ground. She would be strong enough to fight back.
Who was to say she wasn't strong enough already?
From nothingness, she conjured the faint, red orb. She expanded it, contracted it. She let it pulse and engulf her. Protection, protection, protection.
And then, her mind blanked. She focused on that nothingness—the darkness that she found in her eyelids, hiding the world around her. Her senses dulled, devoured by that calm, inky dark. The only light was the red orb, and she tied her breathing to it. Each inhale, it expanded. Each exhale, it retracted.
Nobody but me can keep me safe.
"You're tempering me."
"What?" She seethed, the anger still pulsing through her.
"Keep going."
His voice was a distraction. With it came light, chasing away that soothing darkness where she found protection. She lost control of the orb; it fizzled out entirely, and she was left with a pounding headache—one that seemed to intensify with each second. "I need to stop."
Immediately, Jasper's influence was pulled back, and Bella let herself collapse onto her back. She fought for every breath as her arms came up to rest on her forehead, willing the aches away.
When it subsided enough to be barely annoying, she blinked her eyes open. "I did something."
Jasper was watching her intently. "You did."
"You said I… tempered you? What does that mean?"
A smile. And then, he was seated way closer, brushing away her arms. He placed his own hand lightly on her forehead. The cool was very, very welcoming. "You lessened the impact of my influence. Whatever you did, Bella, hone in on it. Do not forget the process."
"Okay," she breathed, trying to burn that darkness into her brain. The red. The orb. The breaths. "Okay."
"Headaches are normal," he continued. "Almost all shields experience them in the beginning. The more you strengthen your physical shield, the better your body will become accustomed to it. It will eventually feel natural—not like an external entity you need to conjure up."
Bella reached up and placed her palm on top of his hand, applying more pressure. "What's next?"
"Are you sure that you still want to continue?"
"I did something," she said, eyebrows drawing together. "With this very, very dark place, and a red sphere. I want to try it again."
He pulled his hand away from her head, and instead offered it, palm up. Bella let him hoist her to sit.
She counted on her fingers. "Fear, glee, sorrow, anger."
"Disgust."
Her eyes widened. "Can we actually veto that one? I'd like my food to stay in my stomach."
Jasper quietly agreed to that. But then, he narrowed his eyes in thought. "Desire."
That didn't sound too terrible. And her smile instantly formed, because she detected the mischief in his eyes. Squaring her shoulders, she straightened her spine. "Okay."
Warmth cascaded down her body, and Bella took a deep breath, envisioning that bright, red, angry shield around her. Breathing out, she imagined it forming, binding, and strengthening. The darkness had already swept in.
But when the warmth lingered and progressed, accelerating her heart, and parting her lips, her eyes fluttered open, inviting in the light. There was wind in her chest, and pure want in her veins. She looked at Jasper, and she realized she had risen to her knees.
She closed her eyes again, but she desperately wanted to pry them back open. Another look. Just one more. Of those red eyes that sparkled wickedly. Of that jaw. Of his lengthened hair that always looked both so tamed and savage at the same time. She was already on her knees. All she needed to do was to crawl.
Darkness. Beneath her eyelids, even the reddened hue of sunshine that filtered through the skin was gone. It was pure and unrelenting night. And within the night, she saw the red orb that sought to encase her.
Sensation interrupted. Prickling, on her palms. Damp, and soft. She realized with distant horror that she was touching grass, and she was advancing forward.
Crawling.
Shield, shield, shield, shield. Keeping her eyes shut, she focused on the darkness. The orb. Red worked. Red had worked! She focused harder. She grew it, shrunk it. She gave it dots and filled it with bubbles. But she wasn't focused. Her breathing wasn't even. Erratic.
By the time she opened her eyes, she was inches from Jasper's face. On her knees, she was level with him sitting.
He was smiling at her, and she closed her eyes again, her brow furrowing.
Heart beating wildly, she felt entirely out of control. She hissed at herself, demanding her body to cooperate. But her hands were on him. On his shoulders, her fingers were slow, and explorative.
"Bella," she heard her name. The breath a cool caress against her face.
Utterly frustrated, she tightened her grip on his shoulders to prevent her hands from wandering.
"I can't stop it," she breathed, her voice deep, and husky.
"You can."
Something was in her hair. It was a hand. But not hers. She felt her curls brush against her shoulder as he toyed with them, tugging gently, and electrifying that small area of her scalp. Her own hand flew up from his shoulders to latch onto his fingers, stopping them entirely.
Every little movement and touch was otherworldly. Addicting. Jasper's gift could be terrifying, but it could also be alarmingly intoxicating.
"Focus," he said, but his tone was deep. Chocolatey. She melted at the sound.
And there was such a big part of her that didn't want to focus at all.
"You're letting go." His voice was wondrous. "Remember, it's—"
Her other hand left his shoulder and pressed against his mouth. Eyes still closed, she needed him to be quiet. The tone of his voice was too inviting. Too distracting.
She felt a soft breath against her palm. She felt it again. Gripping his fingers near her shoulder, she tried to ground herself.
Another puff of breath against her palm sent a jolt of energy all the way up to her elbow, and—
"Stop breathing," she snapped softly, and marveled at the incredulity of those words. "You don't need to breathe."
She felt him straighten and shift. And then, she paid no more attention, because the darkness was seeping in again. It surrounded her mind, and it isolated her from the world. All sensation lost, she gave in.
And in that unrelenting shadow, she found her orb.
She was untouchable.
Her muscles relaxed, easily letting go of Jasper's fingers, her other hand dropping from his lips. With a smile on her face, she opened her eyes. But suddenly, the air shifted around her. She felt a tight grip on her wrist, and another hand cradled her back as she was lowered onto the grass.
Her smile fell when she looked up into Jasper's eyes. Darker. Maroon. Was it anger she saw there as he hovered over her? She felt his thumb brush over the veins on her wrist, and she knew easily that the electricity she felt wasn't his influence. Distantly, she could see the haze of her orb—pulsating, and present. A second skin.
And in the next moment, he dropped her wrist, and his hand slithered out from beneath her. With her skin flushed and her body entirely too warm, she knew she was feeling the aftereffects of Jasper's gift. She gulped down some cool air and rose to sit.
After a few deep breaths, she noticed that Jasper's eyes still hadn't returned to the regular bright crimson. Quickly, she did the math to give reason to their color. "You fed pretty recently, right?"
He was silent, his eyes averted, staring distantly at the grass below.
"Jasper?"
He held up one finger.
She gave him a minute. And then two. The sky was darkening, she realized, and they should be heading back soon.
Eventually, with an odd strain in his voice, he said, "Your shield not only protects you, but it reverses the influence. You bounced back whatever I threw at you."
Bella's eyebrows rose. "That's impressive." Now, it was her turn to smirk. "It doesn't feel great, does it? A taste of your own medicine."
But he wasn't fazed one bit. Instead, a wolfish smirk immediately drew her attention to his lips. "You aren't an undesirable woman, Bella."
"Delectable?" She asked, thinking of a time of alcohol, broken vases, and bleeding heels.
And then, he was seated right in front of her, his knees pressing into hers. He lifted up her right wrist. "Incredibly." He ran a finger over the veins, seemingly utterly mesmerized by their pattern. "A taste?"
Bella's lips parted. "You're early."
"Just a snack, perhaps."
His tone—so alluring. The rasp and timber of his voice was music, and she still wondered if he was getting through to her. But from the corner of her vision, she could see the orb. Could he see it, too?
Her wrist was already just a few inches from those lips, but Bella realized he was waiting. His eyes were still darker than usual, yet he waited for her permission.
"Just a snack," she agreed, a little breathless. "Are you still influencing me?"
But she knew he wasn't. He couldn't.
"No." He tugged her wrist closer, and the spell broke momentarily when he said, "And I wouldn't influence you during this. Not unless you asked me to."
Bella absorbed the sincerity in his eyes. "Don't you need to do your whole examination thing?"
His eyes were fixed on her veins distractedly. "Alice already did."
Alice.
And then came the bite.
Eyes closed, she let herself be lulled into that familiar rhythm. She let go of the orb and the darkness. She didn't need it.
Seconds in, his other hand grabbed onto her free one. She squeezed back gently; it was his way of knowing that she was still okay.
It was hardly a minute before his teeth unlatched. Just a snack. He turned her wrist, palm up, and Bella could see the two dots of blood slowly starting to surface. "Wait here."
The night was setting in, and Bella immediately felt the eerie isolation in Jasper's absence. The woods were quiet, but that only added to the goosebumps on her skin. But Jasper was back quickly with the appropriate materials to cover her wrist. Seated before her, Bella watched as he wrapped the bandage.
"Does Alice have experience with this sort of thing?" She asked.
"What sort of thing?" His fingers were light and lingering, each movement with intent. The goosebumps were now for an entirely different reason.
"You didn't do your normal examination. You trusted hers from earlier."
"Any vampire should know how to care for a human."
She watched his face as he worked on her wrist. "Only if they feed from humans though, right?"
"Sure." Securing the bandage with tape, he pressed his palm against the covered wound. The cool seeped through. "But Alice wasn't always a Cullen." Gently placing her wrist back into her lap, he said, "Let me take you home."
"I think Esme was expecting me for dinner."
He frowned, as if what she was saying was improbable. "Your wound is still fresh."
She teased, "Well, you didn't think that one through did you?"
Jasper went utterly still for a moment, and Bella questioned if she had said the wrong thing. A blink, and he was standing. "Come."
And he ran her home.
This chapter: The looming presence of the Volturi, a (successful) shield field trip, and a peculiar exchange of desire.
A little taste for what's coming up:
"You are as delusional as he is."
Her face twisted into something ugly. "In one phone call, I can have Renee Dwyer's spine snapped into two. Better yet, I can do it myself. You're forcing my hand here, Bella."
See you next week.
