Bella took one deep breath and felt that she was choking.

She was taking in too much air too quickly, with her chest rising and falling rapidly—uneven and unregulated. The symptoms were easily diagnosable, and ones she had experienced a handful of times before. Breaths too shallow, and not enough to satisfy her lungs, she knew she was hyperventilating. A panic attack.

Alice had left not five minutes ago, yet her fading, dominant aura still suffocated her. The chair beneath her dug into her spine, and the library walls seemed to close in on her. She wanted to beg someone to rip open those long curtains and let in some fresh air.

Jasper's presence barely registered when she saw him kneeling before her. And he was speaking. "In times of fear, you put up your shield. Have you realized that? That's very good, Bella."

Good? This was good? She could barely breathe.

A hand was atop hers on her lap, firm, and grounding. His voice was a welcome distraction. "Yesterday, during Demetri's visit, you did the same. The moment Edward stepped up beside you, you built up your shield. Why do you think Alice rushed through the Visitation? She wanted Demetri out of there as quickly as possible, because suddenly, someone turned off the lights." Jasper glanced down at their hands. "Breathe, Bella."

"I'm trying," she whispered hoarsely.

"When we were out in the clearing," he continued, "Alice didn't know where I was." He shifted until he could pull his phone out of his pocket. Tapping on it a few times, he faced the screen to her. She could make out his call log, in which there appeared to be multiple missed calls. When she squinted down, she could see it was just from a few days ago—all from Alice, and all around the time they would have been practicing her shield in the woods. Jasper said with just a hint of satisfaction, "She doesn't take her blindness lightly."

Another deep breath. "My shield was around you?"

"No. I don't believe you've gotten strong enough for expansion yet. I'm not even sure if it's something you're capable of—as a human, at least. But with the way Alice's visions work, our timelines blend when we interact. And if she can't see you, she can't see our joint timeline."

Once she focused on it, she could feel the raw thrum of power that was her shield. And it peeked at her from the corner of her vision; pulsing, and red.

Bella closed her eyes, the faint beginnings of a headache creeping in. "She hasn't seen this conversation? She… can't?"

"Alice? No."

"And the house is empty." Not a question, but a statement.

When she opened her eyes, Jasper was studying her. "How do you know?"

A deep breath, and another. Her shoulders relaxed, and she squeezed his hand tighter. "Because you'd never be this close to me otherwise."

The amusement she saw on his face was comforting. "It wouldn't be appropriate for me to be this close to Edward's bride-to-be, would it?"

"Stop."

He straightened to his feet, his hand slipping away. "Alice is entirely too fixated on you."

"The matchmaker from hell," Bella murmured, trying to find her calm and hold onto it. "She wants me to marry Edward… just for Carlisle's sake? Why? You said he didn't care about marriage."

"It's Edward's prerequisite."

"For sex?" She knew that wasn't true.

His eyes cut to her. "What matters to us, Bella? If not marriage, then what?"

Instantly, she knew the answer, but it was eternally damning. She immediately refuted, "They can't."

"They can't?" He challenged.

"Mating is a two-way ritual. You told me this. I would never say those words to him, and I would never complete any ritual."

Jasper paced back to his desk. "When have you had a choice in anything when it comes to the Cullens? Bella, don't be ridiculous."

And then, her heart was sinking—deeper, and deeper.

You will make a fine mate to my son, Isabella Swan.

The fear brought her to her feet. The adrenaline, without warning, pumped through her body. Meeting Jasper's eyes, she said, "That's what they want." She didn't control the power in her voice. She couldn't. "That's what they fucking want. If I'm mated to Edward, I am stuck with him until I die." Her hands clawed at her hair. "Edward will remain loyal to the Cullens, and so will I."

"Forever," Jasper added grimly. "Carlisle has two goals. The first is to kill you, and the second is to force you through a mating ritual so that you are permanently tied to his coven. Alice has been tasked from the very beginning to facilitate your safety so you are able to transition before Edward has any chance to kill you."

Her breaths were shallower again. "You couldn't tell me this the moment I walked into this goddamn library two months ago?"

"No."

"Why?" She demanded, and her pulsing shield at the corner of her vision gave her the answer. "Because of Alice?"

Alice Cullen knows everything. She's the most frightening creature I have ever met.

Features tightening, she accused, "You stayed quiet because you were afraid of Alice?"

"I stayed quiet because it wasn't my place. The Cullens will recruit the way they do, and I have no say in their procedures. On the contrary, I'm expected to support it."

"So you took one look at me, and thought, this is fine?"

His tone was both tame and thunderous. "I took one look at you and saw myself."

Her heart fluttered uselessly as the injustice wrecked through her. "A prisoner."

His silence only affirmed it, and then he swiftly moved on. "We've established Carlisle's motives."

Bella's lips curled downward as she numbly lowered herself back to the chair. "Kill me, and then mate me."

"But Alice's behavior is rooted into something else entirely. Her fixation on you is… unusual."

The answer was easy, wasn't it? "She's supporting Carlisle's motives."

But Jasper disagreed. "Alice wouldn't go this far unless it directly benefited her."

"It benefits her to strengthen the coven."

He shook his head, firm. "Vampires are solitary creatures. We'll band together for protection, but we will always serve ourselves first. Carlisle's direct order was to protect you, not emotionally manipulate you into a relationship with Edward Cullen." He studied her. "Alice's loyalty is to herself—she's a Cullen only by name and diet."

"But she is a Cullen. More so than you."

"She bears the last name, and she's given up human blood. She'll obey Carlisle's orders for the sake of appearances, but don't think for a moment she'll go one step beyond for anyone but herself."

He spoke so bitterly that Bella couldn't help but want to question their history. Obviously, Jasper knew a great deal about Alice if he felt that he could judge her this way. But he continued without pause, "Most will not see beyond your shield. It's too valuable, and too enticing. That's all Carlisle sees, and it's certainly all Italy and the rest of the coven leaders will see. You aren't a person anymore, Bella. You are a shield and a weapon to wield in battle and politics. And Alice… she sees something there that she can twist to her advantage."

"And you?"

He'd been in thought, but Bella caught the way he stilled. "What about me?"

"And how are you using me?"

"How am I using you?"

Bella dug her fingers into her knees and stared at him. "Besides my blood, what are you gaining from this?"

He braced his hands on the top of his desk. And then, something glimmered in his eyes when he averted her gaze—something hopeful, but pained. Something wild, yet forcefully reserved. It made Bella's heart beat faster as she rose back to her feet and slowly approached him. She was at the other side of his desk, suddenly terrified. Any answer he would give her would entirely break her, wouldn't it? He was the only one in this mess that she could say she trusted—and even that was a stark realization of its own. The vulnerability she felt at that moment was crushing.

Say something, she pleaded silently at the same time she wanted to tell him, Don't you dare open your mouth. Don't you dare snap my world into two.

And then, the room spun in one dizzying motion as the backs of her thighs collided with the desk, and Jasper leaned in, trapping her. A low, firm demand, "Raise it. You dropped your shield."

In times of fear, you put up your shield.

Correlation did not, in fact, equal causation.

Hardly breathing, she immediately closed her eyes, letting his fresh scent of pine wash over her. Her hands were supporting her on the desk behind her, and when she shifted them, she felt the coolness of his own hands nearby.

The headache was now a dull pain that pressed behind her eyes. But she pushed on—searching, floundering in her mind to stabilize that darkness. The misty haze locked together to solidify the night beneath her eyelids, and finally, she found her orb.

"Very good," Jasper praised.

She didn't even want to open her eyes.

"Now, look at me."

She shook her head, feeling the heaviness in her chest. The foreboding prediction of betrayal. Helplessly, she only said, "Just tell me."

She felt fingers on her chin, and his words brushed her face gently, "There are many self-serving things I could do, Bella. Too many."

When he didn't speak again, her eyes popped open unwillingly, and stared into his red, calculating ones. A fearful, light whisper. "Like what?"

His other hand came up from the desk behind her and ghosted over her temple, and down the side of her face, catching the wisps of hair and smoothing them to the side. "You're very afraid."

"You can't feel me."

"I don't have to feel you."

Bella gritted her teeth, his mere presence an inch away dizzying. "Self-serving things," she repeated. "Explain."

He watched as her hair curled around his fingers. "Stealing a Cullen bride, for one." There was pure mischief in that gaze. "Plucking her out of this mess and throwing her into mine." He then looked at her, and there was the wickedness she had been searching for; the wickedness that terrified her. Yet, his tone remained quietly wondrous. "No one would sense, Bella. No one would have the foresight to know that you would be gone. It would be too late by the time anyone realized that you were hours away—already burning, already changing. For me. My venom, smoldering through your body, shaping you into the creature that I need."

His words sounded damning, because they should be. But the allure peaked out from beneath, and unexpectedly, Bella didn't feel so terrified anymore.

The tips of his fingers traced down her jaw as his other hand came up to pull away the scarf that had been tightly wound around her, exposing her throat.

"Do you know," he asked suddenly, "how sire loyalty works?" He then smiled at her, incredulous. "You don't, because why would you? You haven't even breached half of our Tome, yet." His eyes traced her skin, down to her neck. "Maybe you should just ask me. It's only fair, per our contract. I'll save you some reading."

Bella found her voice, and she watched as his eyes widened ever so slightly as her throat bobbed. "What is a sire bond?"

He bowed his head in acknowledgment, bringing their faces closer. "Your sire takes your life and gives you death, power, and strength—all through their venom. As your own venom develops and binds with theirs, it provides you temporary strength, and that's what we call the newborn phase. And until your own venom completely overtakes theirs in your body, you will feel the bond between you. It will force loyalty, respect, and submission."

Unblinking, she asked, "How long does that take? For the body to be rid of the sire's venom?"

"You're asking how long it would take for you to be free?" He seemed to like that question, his eyes dancing across her face. "A couple months to a year." His fingers were at her throat, fingernails so sharp and rigid down the side of her neck, where Edward's own fingers had faded, but not quite gone. "Alice said no teeth on here, but she can't see this now, can she?"

Bella felt the immediate need to search for her shield. And she did, ensuring it was up—strong, and protecting. Breathily, she asked, "Necks are far too intimate, even for Alice?"

"Yours, certainly." Darkened eyes stared at her jugular. "I've thought about this often. Right here. On my desk."

Oh, lord. "Often?"

He murmured, "Just more self-serving things."

"And Edward doesn't hear those thoughts?"

"Would you like for him to hear them, Bella?"

His hand had trailed down to her neckline, thumb brushing over her collarbone. Bella swallowed, feeling his hand shift. "Is this… what is this? Dazzling?"

"I'll call it shield training. You're blocking me beautifully." A lazily smile graced his lips. "Plausible deniability."

"What for?"

His face slowly dove into her neck, and she anticipated a bite, but only felt his words brush her skin, "Whatever this is."

He inhaled, and Bella bit back a moan from just how tightly he was pressed against her.

"Whatever this is," she breathed in response, her head light, and airy. Dizzying, disorienting. Vampires. And then, somehow finding a sliver of sanity, she took them back to their previous conversation. Stealing a Cullen bride.

Boldly, and more firmly, she asked, "So, what's next? You take me, and then you turn me."

She could feel his lips just hovering over her neck. "In that order?"

"What?"

She went still when his mouth came down on her skin, and she braced for the pain. But there were no teeth; she only felt his smile. "I take you, I turn you, and I gain your loyalty."

"And then?"

"And then…" He pulled back enough to look at her, the longing so evident, and new. "I'd hide behind your shield for the rest of my goddamned life."

Under his gaze, her curiosity only bloomed. Bella wanted to know more. She wanted to understand the changing process—the duration, the sensations, and her ultimate fate. She wanted Jasper to talk about all of the self-serving things he could do that, at that moment, sounded like it would benefit her more than anything. If any of those things got her far away from the Cullens…

"More," she whispered. "Tell me more."

"More," he said levelly, soberly, and his smile vanished. There was a hollowness to his eyes that dissipated the ease between them. "There is no more, Bella. The plan is foolish."

He stepped away from her, and she had to catch herself on the desk behind her to keep from falling forward. She hadn't truly realized just how close they had been, how much she had relied on him to keep her upright.

"I don't think it's foolish," she said.

He stood before her again, but this time, with ample space between them. She unconsciously leaned into his fingers that came up to her chin. The gentleness in his voice evaporated as he told her methodically, "Your shield might not hold when you're actively changing, and we'd be caught within hours—if not the Cullens, then Demetri. He couldn't catalog you, but he certainly knows how to find me." He looked away then. "And even if we managed to avoid that, once our sire bond dissolves, you'd realize very clearly what kind of a life I'd forced you into. One where we can't stop for more than a few days at a time, where we're constantly hunted, and on the run—in which case, you'd likely give me up the very next chance you got."

"I would?"

His face was grave. "Absolutely."

Bella brushed a hand over her neck, where she had felt Jasper's mouth just moments before. His words settled into her brain—the what ifs, so useless, and pointless. Because none of it would come to fruition, she knew. Deep down, she knew it so well that the knowledge didn't even have the time to crush her soul before she said, "You would never do it anyway."

"No?"

Bella looked down, glaring at the carpet, almost angry; the odd desire, lust—whatever it was, floated away like smoke. "If my shield held through my change, and if I swore I wouldn't give you up in the aftermath… you still wouldn't take me away, would you?"

Jasper watched her, silent.

"You wouldn't," Bella insisted, "because it wouldn't make sense." She took a step closer, invading his space, this time. "See, the difference between us, Jasper, is that if Alice is successful, my sentence to the Cullens extends for eternity. Yours will end. And you're better off waiting it out than risking it further." Defiantly, she leaned forward, eyes locking with his. "So, it's actually more self-serving for you to completely ignore me."

Jasper tilted his head up, looking down at her. "Is it?"

"Yes."

"You are an intelligent woman, Bella."

The praise did nothing for her because suddenly, she felt entirely alone. "Perhaps not intelligent enough to be caught in this trap." She went around him, walking to the door. "Thank you for helping me with my shield. I know there isn't much you would do, and I can respect that." She turned to look at him once more. "After all, for you, it is the most self-serving thing to do nothing."


In one phone call, I can have Renee Dwyer's spine snapped into two.

Bella listened to the dial tone on her own phone, part of her praying, hoping that she would pick up. Bella hadn't given Alice any reason to act against her mother. She hadn't seen Alice in days.

But why wasn't her mother picking up?

Bella tried again, the anxiety pumping through her veins. By the third try, the dial tone ended abruptly.

"Oh, sweetie, I was just about to call you," her mother said excitedly.

Even though Bella knew that was a lie, she tried to respond with some semblance of cheer, "I guess I caught you first."

"You did, honey. How are you?"

How was she? She was in bed, and it was six in the evening on a Monday. Her emotions were running too high for comfort, and she felt her throat constrict before she could even speak. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

"My voice—" And it was too obvious, wasn't it? The despair, and the crack in her tone. "Bella, are you okay?"

"No," she told her truthfully through a partial sob. "I am not."

Renee's tone softened. "Is it a boy?"

She wished. She so wished it was something petty and stupid like that. It was only now that she realized how she took those things for granted—those simple non-problems that she had made into problems.

But what could she tell her mother? "Life has been… hard, lately."

"College applications stressing you out? Honey, I know you'll get in."

She hadn't even applied. Sniffling, she asked, "How are you and Phil?"

Renee sighed as she thought for a second. "We're good—great, actually. Nothing especially new." She paused. "I should see you. Soon! Let's get away for a weekend, just like New Years."

New Years. Her eyes flashed to her bedroom wall—the one where Jasper had against after he'd been starving in her absence. It certainly was a better memory than the one with Edward attempting to squeeze the life out of her.

"Sure. I just—mom, will you promise me something?"

"Anything, honey."

"Be safe, okay? Just be safe."

The words that should have been comforting, only scared Bella more when she uttered them. There wasn't any way a human could be safe in this scenario. Defenseless, weak, and useless.

"Phil takes good care of me," she said soothingly over the phone. "And I'm barely old."

"You're younger than me most days," Bella attempted to joke, but the words dried like ash on her tongue. "I love you, and..." Even if we aren't that close, and even if you don't think of me most days. "...I just love you."

"I love you so much, my sweet girl."

After they hung up, Bella wiped at her eyes, and headed downstairs. She gave her father a hug in the kitchen. As his warmth enveloped her—calm, and secure, like no force could tear them apart—she thought, if not for mom, you would be next. She didn't doubt for a second that Alice would use everything Bella held dear to get her to comply.

Alice wouldn't go this far unless it directly benefited her.

But it benefited the coven, so it benefited her. Jasper's observation regarding her lack of loyalty only threw her in for a loop.

But Alice wasn't always a Cullen.

She felt a comforting hand down the back of her head as Charlie placed a quick kiss on her forehead. "You're okay, Bella."

She hadn't even realized she had been crying. "I'm sorry."

He pulled away, face gentle. "You'll tell me when you're ready." The trust she saw in his eyes only broke her just a little more. And maybe he sensed that, because he added, "Or you won't. You're an adult—more of one than I am, I'm sure." He glanced at the stove. "Mac-n-cheese for dinner for three nights in a row. You need to stop me."

Bella laughed against his chest, a couple of tears flowing and disappearing into his shirt.

Once they were finishing up dinner, Charlie at last told her, "Whatever's causing you this much pain, just know—not one feeling, or one moment lasts forever."

Bella stared down at her half-eaten plate. She didn't know how to respond. The sentiment was so pure, and simple, and human. Forever didn't exist for mortals, so why would we even bother? "Did you read that on a fortune cookie?"

"You don't seem like you believe me," he said, grabbing her plate. "But it will pass, Bella. Like anything and everything else. Like me, like your mother. Nothing is constant."

How untrue, and naive, Bella thought. The mortal innocence she once possessed now ceased to exist.


A/N: This chapter: A mating nightmare, self-serving things, and foolish plans.


A little taste for what's coming up:

Another text came in, Are you teasing me, Isabella Swan?

Bella bit back a smile and told Alice, "I should eat." And she typed back, Were you lying when you told me you thought often about feedings on your desk?

Alice left the kitchen and headed towards the front door. "We'll go see Edward tomorrow," she called.

But Bella barely heard her as she read Jasper's response, I wasn't lying. The door slammed shut, and a second text followed, And I never said anything about feedings.


I will be on travel the next two weeks, so anticipate a delay for the next one.