Kazuma's turn
According to Rain's tutoring, about half of noble conversation etiquette could be summed up as 'never let them see you sweat' and the other as 'fake it until you make it'.
Easier said than done, the middle aged blonde I was now alone with had a stare that could pierce reactor shielding.
Given this world, maybe even literally.
"I…I'd be honored to discuss any of your concerns, milady?" A questioning tone leaked into my supposedly confident reply.
"I'm sure. To wit, your present entanglement with her majesty concerns me. Deeply, concerns me. As you have likely surmised, she has a streak of impulsiveness matched only by her tremendous talent. Yet she remains unmarried or even betrothed."
It took me a moment to decode that, but the result had me blurt out in pure shock.
"Wait. Are you actually suggesting your queen is keeping me around because she wants to get laid?"
And that was a mistake. The next thing I knew there were bits of glass shrapnel on the table from where Claire had crushed her whiskey tumbler, and a very pointy rapier was tickling my nose.
Oh. Right. The last of Rain's rules of etiquette. Never, not ever, say the 'quiet parts' out loud.
"You will keep a civil tongue in your head, or cease to possess either one," the duchess answered after a frozen moment, low and dangerous. "And no. I would never suggest such base reasoning for her actions. I speak now from experience. You in turn shall listen in silence." She commanded, lowering her weapon to the table with a clunk.
"When her majesty was still but a girl of twelve, we decided to find her a body double to avoid the fate of her middle brother. We settled on the daughter of one of our knights, who was nearly the same age and shared enough of her form and features to pass as her princess with minimal effort. The girl, Rizlet, was as nervous and out of her depth as one might expect a girl in her position to be, but her majesty was overjoyed to spend time with a girl her own age."
Claire retrieved another tumbler during her explanation and filled it, sweeping the glass off the table with a casual flick before fortifying herself with another drink.
"I confess this swayed me more than it ought. Her majesty has endured a more solitary and duty bound girlhood than a child perhaps should. Watching over the two of them acting as girls just entering womanhood was a joy to all of her retainers in spite of the reason for Rizlet's presence. Soon enough, the double became quite capable of performing her role.
And there our troubles began."
"Her majesty is quite insatiably curious, and the chance to learn more of the world outside the palace was irresistible to her. Unknown to us, not only had Rizlet been putting her all into learning how to mimic her majesty, the princess had been putting just as much effort into mimicking her double in return." She paused, noting my look of dawning comprehension. "I see you are no fool in spite of appearances, so I shall abridge. It is precisely as you suspect. We became wholly unable to distinguish between them and know who we were guarding. During at least one state dinner with Yurgenschmidt, that I am aware of, I am certain the two exchanged places with me none the wiser until it was nearly completed. Leaving me to realize I had been unknowingly guarding a decoy all evening with no idea my princess was out having meat pies in the city square."
Something in her expression told me if my lips so much as twitched she'd finish the job with that rapier. So with heroic, if I do say so myself, restraint I managed to nod gravely instead of burst into laughter.
"Fortunately for us, not long afterward Rizlet's bloom came upon her sooner and more aggressively than her majesty's, and the deception became impossible to maintain. With that excuse, we were able to separate the pair of miscreants and discard continuing the idea with another as… most unwise. But now, a decade later, I see her once again drawing closer to someone who can satisfy her curiosity. Not just for the paltry enticements of the lower quarters, but with an entire world alien to our own. Who may well also have the ability to influence her in directions that might prove detrimental to her. Her association with the Crimsons aside, her majesty has since that time proven able to maintain relationships beneficial to her and her House," she allowed. Placing her drink on the table next to her sword, she regarded me. Not quite down her nose, but more like a gardener deciding which branch to cut on her prize shrub sculpture.
"Even so, I wonder."
I considered that, along with my total lack of surprise that Iris had been a complete gremlin as a teenager. And something else that had occurred to me during that story that the good duchess might not have ever consciously realized. Iris was definitely motivated by getting one over on the dumb grown ups. But I'd also bet good money she was disgusted they'd order a random girl to die in her place like a goat staked out as wolf bait. But if Elder Blonde didn't realize that by now, it wasn't my problem.
My concern was walking out of here un-disappeared and fully intact.
"My lady, if I may beg a…" I stopped, and shook my head. "Forget it. We both know I'm no noble no matter the costume I'm wearing, and if there was ever a time for plain speaking this is it."
She inclined her head in agreement with both those statements.
"Thanks. As I see things, we have a common goal. Two of them, really. First, win the war. I think Iris' plan can do it, and I think you agree. I'm willing to do my part to make it happen, even if it means playing tag with monsters on a decoy mission. Second, I want to keep Iris alive, unlike the rest of her family from what I hear."
Claire's fist tightened dangerously on the table at that, but she did concede with a growl. "Her majesty to you, Sato. Though that is so. Besides her nephew, who is still but a boy."
"Then I don't see a problem. You may not like me. If I'm honest the feeling has been mutual so far. But we're on the same team and want the same things. Heaven knows alliances have been built on worse."
She shook her head minutely, and my heart sank.
"No. Each winter weighs heavier on me than the last, but I remain far from senile yet. You misunderstand me, or avoid my question. Neither endears you to me, boy," she snapped. "I shall speak plainly as well. Her majesty remains unwed and is past the usual age of marriage, through no fault of her own. Should the Demon King fall, whomever does the deed shall marry her."
"I thought they were only offered the chance?" I asked hesitantly.
"They are, and woe betide any fool enough to refuse. The honor is generally given to the most valiant and powerful among us, though those of wit and cunning have sometimes received the opportunity and the House of Belzerg has been the better for it," she admitted. "What has never happened, and shall not on my watch, is someone receiving that boon by connivance and trickery!"
"Funny, she said the same thing."
Claire started, clearly not expecting that answer.
"Her majesty discussed that with you. Already?"
"Not so much discussed, as mentioned the possibility," I admitted. "But yes, she was very clear it was an honor you earned. Not something that got handed out for participation, you could say."
Duchess Helicopter Mom frowned in thought, but recovered. "I see. Then that concludes our business for the moment." With that, she recapped the decanter on the table and nodded at the door. "Do see yourself out, Sato. I expect you to have a busy day ahead of you."
Not needing a further excuse to get away from a very dangerous woman, I took her up on that, even remembering to add a proper bow on the way out.
"Sato," she called from her chair as I opened the door. I turned back, and she locked eyes with me with a frigid glare. "Do not disappoint me in this."
She didn't bother with an 'or else'. I gave my best smile, and closed the door behind me.
The long stretch of hallway to my room gave me plenty of time to start working up to a boil now that the pressure was off. She thought I was prime cut NEET, no fillers added?
Fine. Petty revenge is as good a reason as any to get motivated, I think.
Iris' turn
When I woke up the next morning, I learned Komekko was in prison.
Reigning monarchs do not go post bail for their party members. We have people for that. It does however tend to put a damper on our mornings, and provoke questions from our prime ministers we have trouble answering.
So that afternoon when I confronted the arch wizard freshly remanded into my custody, and tried to ignore how grateful the staff seemed to be rid of her, I was in no mood for games.
"You have one minute to explain to me why you thought it wise to have your 'friends' spend the night flying a search pattern over my capital."
The little arch wizard puffed herself up for what was sure to be a work of art in the realm of impromptu theater, but I was having none of it.
"Fifty, forty nine, forty eight…"
"I felt something strange when I was out with Kazuma and Sylphina. Once I got away from them, I was able to focus on it more, but not enough. So I called in some favors, and had it narrowed down. It wasn't all night, just a couple hours!" She pouted. "But by the time we were done, the Watch had narrowed me down too, and wouldn't listen when I told them it was important and not to disturb my spell circles! They're lucky I was able to turn everything off before they dragged me away!"
I stopped mentally counting. "And what did you find?"
"I'm not sure, yet. But I don't think you want it in your city."
After that revelation, things moved a lot more quickly. After sending word to Kazuma and Sylphina to meet us, I hastily changed and set out with Komekko in tow.
Komekko's 'informants' had narrowed our search to a block near the east wall, in an older neighborhood that had seen better days.
The streets were cobblestones, not bare dirt, and all the city sewers had long ago been moved underground on the advice of past Otherworlders, so it wasn't as bad a place as it might have been. But real estate inside the city walls was always expensive, and anyone living here was likely to be pushed out to one of the villages outside the gates before long once it got high enough.
For now, it was the kind of place you lived when you didn't want a lot of questions asked about you.
"Here, they haven't moved," Komekko nodded minutely to a tenement around the corner from us much like the rest. "Third floor," she decided after stepping off several paces and doing a bit of triangulation.
"You heard the lady, cordon it off. Anyone who runs is probably guilty of something," the dwarven watch sergeant we'd picked up on the way informed his troopers. Schlock, that was his name. At least I assumed he was dwarven. Short or not, he was nearly as broad as he was tall, and not from honeycakes.
"Carefully, gentlemen. Probably is not the same thing as definitely," I reminded them absently. "Mind the breakage."
No sooner had I said that than a whistle blast from the squad on the street behind the building sounded, followed by shouting.
Perfect, just perfect. Half the party is still missing and anything that could set Komekko off is going to go through those poor troopers on crowd control like tenpins.
"Follow me!" I cried, and took off at a sprint already dreading what I'd find.
—-
"UNHAND ME, CRETINS! FOOLS! KNOW YOU NOT WHOM YOU PAW AT?!"
This? This had not been what I expected to find.
The guards had the fugitive well in hand, pinned face to the wall and cuffs going on as I arrived.
"You can be the queen's favorite aunt for all I care! Pipe down and quit trying to bite me or you'll be losing those teeth!"
"My aunt would only bite if asked to," I muttered to myself. Louder, I interjected "Well done, men. Who is…she?" I noticed now that I got a closer look. Short, Komekko's height, and just as slender. Amazing voice for such a small package, though somehow familiar.
"YOU MEDDLE WITH FORCES BEYOND YOUR KEN! RELEASE ME FROM MY BONDS LEST THE DOOM PURSUING ME ANNIHILATE YOU ALL!"
"I was about to put in a gag, with your permission, Majesty?" One of the watchmen asked with a wince.
"No, not yet." I stepped around so she could see me, and stopped cold.
The eyes were wrong.
Gold, and slightly reflective, reminding me of a cat's. The ears poking out of the coal black hair added to the effect. Beastkin were hardly unknown though, especially here in the capital where seemingly every kind of thinking being was represented.
It was that even in the shadows of the alleyway, they were glowing more than the late afternoon light could account for. It reminded me of the first time I'd met a Crimson Demon, how the faintly eldritch light their eyes radiated even at rest unsettles you at a gut deep level until you're accustomed.
"What is your name?" I asked cautiously. "And from where do you hail?"
She didn't answer, just glared back with all the defiance a cornered girl can muster. So I played a hunch.
"Behold, it is I, Iris of House Belzerg. Queen of this land, and she who will rid the land of the demons," I continued softly, still locking eyes with her.
For a second I thought I'd missed. Then, the girl's eyes closed, and a moment later a sniff and hiccup escaped her.
"W-well met. I-it," she stammered around another sob. "I-it is I…M-megumin. Great-test genius o-of the…"
"Greatest Genius of the Crimson Demon Clan. Mistress of Explosion Magic." A voice behind us interrupted.
While we'd been questioning the prisoner, Komekko had apparently caught up. She strode forward to stand beside me, and the newly named Megumin went pale as a shade.
"Daughter of Hyoizaburoo and Yuiyui, eldest sister of Komekko," she continued harshly, unhooking one of her hair star ornaments. Inside the backing was a glass ampule, containing several strands of dark brown hair. Without bothering with the scored portion around the neck, she cracked it in her fist and let the blood mix with the hairs.
"Seek blood for blood, souls for souls, flesh for flesh. Origin!" She intoned, then reached out and dabbed the mixture onto the prisoner's forehead. Her eyes flashed red in response, before settling back to the former gold.
Komekko dropped the broken glass and hairs onto the alley's cobblestones with a flick of her injured hand. "My sister gave me that amulet before she left on her journey. Twelve years ago," she explained with quivering intensity. "We thought her lost. I suppose she was." She turned to me sharply. "Take her away…Please. Your majesty."
I signed at the guards, who did just that to their limp cargo.
Reuniting two Crimson Demons causes the family reunion from hell.
How appropriate.
—-
Reigning queens do not interrogate their own prisoners. We have people for that.
We do, however, stay apprised of interrogations that are of interest to us or our companions.
Luckily, holding Megumin to do so was no problem. Belzerg is in no way a constitutional monarchy as I'd heard them explained. But the crown does have certain customary restrictions on its power that a wise queen does not trespass frivolously. Arbitrary arrest being one of them.
Transforming yourself into some sort of cat-girl hybrid that deeply unsettled both wizards that examined her is not strictly illegal under the kingdom's law. Assaulting a peace officer in the course of his duties is.
Given the circumstances, I sent Komekko to deliver a priority summons to Chief Yunyun about her prodigal clanswoman.
Other than that, there was little to do but wait, and tackle the routine tasks of governance that continued regardless of anyone's personal crises. Claire and I finalized the budget for the cavalry we'd discussed earlier, while Kazuma and Sylphina elected to remain with Komekko. One hoped in Kazuma's case to assist his party mate in a difficult time, and not for the chance to see his first catgirl.
That evening, we reconvened over the freshly delivered transcript.
"When Yunyun and I separated, I was sure I would find a party in Axel and I could practice my glorious explosions, aweing everyone who witnessed them! After the next two parties turned me down without even a trial period, I knew my reputation was preceding me. Facing imminent starvation, I went looking for other work to fill my belly until the right party appreciated my talents.
I worked for several of the shops and stalls in Axel, though never for very long. Finally, I found a magic item store that needed someone to watch the counter while the owner was out adventuring for ingredients, and was happy to have another arch wizard for the job. That was when I got my first clue in my quest.
The owner knew the wizard that taught me Explosion magic! I knew it must have been fate! All my life since the first day I'd witnessed its power, I wanted to meet her, and challenge her for the title of Mistress of Explosions. Now I was sure that my setbacks and failures up to this point had only been to position me for this moment!
After confirming her next likely stop would be Arcanretia, I set out immediately on the next carriage. I had been to the city before, and knew someone there who I could ask for help if I really needed it. And if I hadn't been able to cast Explosion in some time, I was certain the words of the chant I'd engraved on my soul would come to me as swiftly as I needed them to when facing my master at last!
Once I arrived, I found her at one of the hot springs in town and presented myself and my challenge. She claimed to have no memory of me, but I knew that could only be a cover, for who could forget such a momentous event? She even pretended to be more interested in hearing about Chomusuke, my familiar, than in my challenge!
At last, I convinced her to agree. I met her in the mountains above Arcanretia near the source of the springs, where we could do no harm with our duel.
On the way there…I saw the source of the springs. Even without a mage's sight and knowledge, I knew it had been made a foul thing. A cursed thing. But when I saw her, my master showed no surprise at all. She knew. It was what she had come here for.
The last thing I remember is a man saying 'I told you, no witnesses.'"
"I..I don't remember much else for a while. I had left Chomusuke in my room at the inn. I think she was napping on the window ledge when it all started to go wrong. People screaming, sick, hurt. Dying. The wilderness outside town going quiet as the birds died, and the bugs too. I hear the plants are still not safe, in some places. I've never been back to know.
I always knew that Chomusuke wasn't, isn't, an ordinary cat. She appeared after a fragment of a seal was broken back in the village one day, and my sis…Komekko brought her back. Maybe by saving me she was paying me back for giving her food and a home even when I often had neither.
When I did come back to myself, I was a passenger in Chomusuke's mind. Nothing was safe to eat for kilometers in any direction, I knew. She listened to me, and we walked on, hungry or not. Some time later we were able to ride on a carriage I pointed out that looked like traders bypassing Arcanretia.
Axel was gone by then, and my old job with it even if I could have still done it with paws.
So when the wagon stopped off in the capital it seemed like as good a place as any to start over. It took me two more years to get where I am now. I never realized how good it felt to be able to talk again until I couldn't.
So I started taking jobs, like I had in Axel. Waitressing, salesgirl. I ran my own taco cart for a while. My magic was tied up keeping me mostly human for a long time, but I've gotten better at it over the years and it's barely a thought now. Chomusuke doesn't seem to mind, she's pretty catlike in a lot of ways. As long as we're well fed, kill the odd monster, and take plenty of naps, she's happy to let me run things. I could say I fulfilled my old boast of being a reincarnated goddess of destruction, with a little help.
It's my one achievement.
The transcript ended there, with a terse note that the subject had an extended emotional episode after that point.
"How did her parents take the news?" I asked Yunyun.
She rolled her eyes. "They're torn between being furious at her vanishing for so long, and pride that their daughter gave herself the most tragically interesting backstory of our generation." 'Crimson demons!' She muttered like a curse, making it obvious where she sat on the scale.
Komekko I didn't bother asking, she was clearly still seething from beside her. "She could have come home anytime. Any. Time. For years! We were poor, not starving by then! I'd have caught her crayfish myself if she refused to get wet!"
Yunyun put an arm around the younger clanswoman, shaking her head. "Megumin was, is, too proud for such things. Letting herself be a burden to you all? She'd have sooner jumped off a church steeple than let herself come to that."
"But…not even a note? Something?" Komekko persisted.
"I get it, sort of." Kazuma added contemplatively. "Being this amazing talent, your family and everyone you know expects great things from you? And then totally failing to live up to any of it? Even if nobody hates you for letting them down, you can't help but hate yourself. Try to get away from those feelings any way you could."
He noticed the stares after a moment. "Not me! I was never a genius! Or failed any crazy expectations I never asked for. I was just a kid a little smarter than average. I'm just saying I can imagine from what I've heard," he finished, avoiding everyone's eyes.
"In any case, that subject is between her and her friends and family," I spoke into the awkward silence. "My concern is we've had a…partial dark goddess residing in my capital for the last several years no with no one the wiser. This disturbs me. This disturbs me greatly."
"It does at least explain why General Wolbach has been noticeably less active of late," Claire mused. "Even the siege of Dunkelfelger fortress two years ago wasn't pressed as hard as it might have been. I suppose we owe our guest thanks for that much if she's responsible for it."
"The obvious answer is to send her back to the Village, even if it's evidently the last place she'd want to go," Rain suggested. "It's not as though the clan lacks experience in containing similar threats."
"And re-containing them," Claire muttered, to both of the clanswomens' embarrassment. "No, my concern is this. This whole affair has been anything but discreet. I cast no blame for that, given what we feared speed and force took precedence over finesse. However, we must assume that the enemy will soon be aware we have Megumin in custody, and General Wolbach of all people will realize what that must mean."
"So you're planning to use her as bait?" Komekko asked sharply.
"Not at all. She is still an Explosion mage, yes? I am planning to use her as the hook."
