Talking to

Aqua was kneeling in front of the monument to Master Eraqus. A fresh bouquet of flowers had been laid at the foot of the keybade. Her wayfinder was in her hands, her thumbs rubbing its surface as she stared at it, deep in thought. There was no one else around. Terra had been here some time ago, but she had asked for some time alone.

The last several days had been rather long. After the discussion with Naminé she had fled into the forest, heedless of everything around her. Angered by Naminé's suggestion and overcome by the need to get away from all of it, she had run and run until she tripped on a root and fell down. And then she had found she lacked the will to pick herself up again, her horrible, horrible day finally overloading her, leaving her exhausted in every conceivable way. She had lain there crying until Terra and Ven had found her. They had stayed with her after. They had wanted to bring her back to the castle, but she had not wanted that. She didn't want the others to see the emotional mess she was any more than they already had. So they had stayed there with her for hours until she had managed to compose herself enough to go back. The rest of the day had passed in a bit of a haze. When the day had finally ended, it had been a blessing.

Words were inadequate to express how grateful she was for Terra and Ventus. Without them she doubted she could bear this burden. She could not ask for better companions. She only wished she was still able to return the favor.

The next morning she had felt more than a little embarrassed by her behavior. She shouldn't have lost it like that. Such outbursts were beneath her, and beneath the dignity expected of a Keyblade Master. How very immature of her. She couldn't remember losing her self-control that badly even when she was a child.

A week had now passed since that incident. Or was it two? Perhaps it was indicative of her inner turmoil that she had lost the track of time.

Lea and Isa had behaved as one might expect from them, hunkering down and focusing on taking care of their little band. Isa had made repeated trips between here and Twilight Town, keeping up with both the group here as well as Hayner, Pence and Olette on the other end. Each time Isa came back he brought sea-salt ice cream to the other three. They had even offered her one in the hopes it would cheer her up. It had tasted good enough she supposed, and she did appreciate the gesture. But comfort food really wasn't the answer she craved for. Roxas and Xion were getting better, magical healing speeding up the process considerably. The move to Avalon would come soon. But when the time came, would she be ready to help them train like she had planned to? Or would she just end up letting others down?

She had tried to keep on training Kairi. But both of them were feeling distracted right now. Truth to be told they had not made a whole lot of progress. One more way she felt she was failing the others.

Kairi… was feeling sorry for her. She had not done or said anything to show it, and she would have certainly denied it if Aqua had thought to question her about it. She respected her mentor's request not to be treated differently. Yet her eyes screamed the truth all the same. She knew her student was just being kind, being true to her nature. Yet even then it felt like a badge of shame. A reminder of how she should have done better to not elicit pity.

Kairi was hardly the only one who felt sympathy. Ven was also feeling bad about her situation and frustrated that there was so little he could do. He saw her hurting, and his heart resonated with that, making him hurt as well. It was eating away at him. She could tell. Oh, Ventus. He shouldn't have to see this. His good, dear friend with his pure heart deserved better than that, especially now that they knew his story. Especially now that they knew what was locked in him.

He and Lauriam had been conversing quite a bit lately, and no doubt Ven had had a chance to vent his emotions to this other friend. Aqua was glad of that much at least. She herself was too wrapped up in her own worries right now. And Terra was at the moment mostly focused on her too. So it was good for Ven to have someone else to talk to.

A thought spent on Lauriam did remind her… Elrena had not been here lately. She had not really paid attention to it to be perfectly honest. Her mind had been on other things. But it was still a bit odd. Especially since she and Lauriam tended to stick together as much as they did.

Terra had been nothing but gentle towards her during this whole time. Caring and compassionate, and never far unless he was asked to be, like right now. The steady rock beneath her feet which she knew would not crumble. He was perhaps the only one who could currently show her kindness without it leaving a bad aftertaste. Without making her feel like a failure. And how she loved him for it.

Yes… love. She knew that now. She had the answer to her question. And she knew his too. What a cruel twist of fate that she had begun to understand her feelings now, when so much seemed to be falling apart.

If only their lives could be simpler, so they could let this bloom without worrying about anything else. They could be so happy together if not for this malfunction in her heart. She found herself longing for comfy, lazy evenings in front of a fireplace, whispering sweet nothings to each other. For long walks in their woods, hand in hand. Of tender nights spent wrapped in each other, their hearts united.

But none of that could be as long as things remained as they were. This fragile little blossom… the Phantom would show no mercy. Her frost would make it wither. It would ultimately be just an illusion.

How bitter it made her feel, to know that what she wanted was within her grasp, only to know this… thing… would surely take it away from her, at the first opportunity. She felt a surge of anger towards the Phantom for not letting her have even this piece of happiness. But just as quickly she scolded herself, feeling foolish. She fell back to the old pattern so easily. How easy it was for the Phantom to bait her to having these feelings. All her shadow had to do was exist. Yet all the while she was haunted by the knowledge these emotions were just going to be turned against her. Such an infuriating dilemma.

With a tired sigh she returned her attention to the memorial in front of her.

"Master I… I just needed to see you. To speak with you. I don't know if you know… but lately I have been having a lot of trouble… with the darkness in me. I've been trying to set things right. To go back to the way I used to be. I thought I might finally have shot at doing just that with Kairi. But even that didn't work. The darkness still haunts me. And worse than ever. Naminé claims it's going to just grow and grow, until…" She spoke softly, staring at her wayfinder.

"I just feel so lost. I don't know what to do. I've tried asking, but the one solution my friends came up with… is not one." She continued.

"Please, Master… what do I need to do? What can I do? Please tell me what to do. Or show me someone I can go ask." She pleaded.

There was a pause, after which she sighed in disappointment. "You can't hear me, can you? Or if you can… you must be somewhere where your voice can't reach me. You can't help me either. I don't know why I expected any different."

"I'm sure he'd try to help you though, if he could. Don't claim to know the man, but you three always seem to speak fondly of him whenever you mention him." Elrena suddenly said, startling Aqua.

"How long have you been there? I asked to be alone." Aqua demanded.

"Not long. I just happened to overheat that last bit. Sorry, didn't mean to eavesdrop. I can go if you need more time." Elrena said.

Aqua considered. "I suppose it doesn't really matter. It's not like I'm getting anywhere like this either.

"But why are you here? What do you want?" She asked.

"There was something I came to bring you. And I was hoping we could have a chat." Elrena said, lifting up a package wrapped in brown paper.

"Did Naminé ask you to come here?" Aqua asked.

"Well we did have a chat before I got here. And I did learn some new things from her about your situation. Including her recommendation on the solution. But she didn't send me here if that's what you're asking. I would be here even without the talk with her." Elrena replied.

"Hopefully you do realize she didn't tell you what she did because of bad intent? She's your friend and she's trying to help you the best she can." She added.

"It's what she suggested I do that bothers me, not what her intentions are. And if you came to try and convince me you're wasting your time. It's not going to happen." Aqua countered.

Elrena snorted. "And they say I'm the snappy and difficult one."

"You don't want to use the darkness. You're scared you'd lose yourself to it. That in trying to banish the Phantom you'd end up becoming her." She then stated with a serious voice.

"And is there some reason I shouldn't think that way? Darkness warps people. Changes how they think. Until they're not themselves anymore. There are countless worlds lost to it, countless lives ruined by it. And this is the kind of power you'd have me control? If I gave myself over to something like that, how would I not be the Phantom?" Aqua said.

A pause before Elrena continued. "You know, back in Daybreak Town they would not have put up with this idea either. They were just as intolerant of it as you are. Anyone who would have suggested learning to control darkness would have likely been branded a traitor the moment they even hinted at it. It's an old, old fear. And not one without some merit. Because you're right. Darkness does do those things."

"And you'd still try to convince me?" Aqua asked.

Elrena nodded and sat down on the ground next to Aqua.

"People who don't know how to swim are warned to stay away from water. And for good reason. But Blue… you're already in the ocean. Up to your neck I'd say, and your feet aren't touching the bottom. That's just how it is. We'd pull you out if we could. But I don't think that's an option. We can't undo what's been done. But none of us want to see you drown. So we'd like to teach you how to swim. And yeah, the ocean is still a dangerous place even if you know how to swim. All sorts of tides and eddies there, storms and things that would just love to gobble you up for dinner. But honestly at this point is it going to be any less dangerous if don't know how to swim? What on earth do you have to lose? What is going to happen to you that isn't already happening right in front of you?" Elrena told her.

"I don't even want anything to do with the darkness! I never did, and I don't see why I should start now. I never wanted to have it in the first place, or the Phantom it created. I don't want any of this. What I want is to go back and be like I used to be. Because that's the real me. Who I wish to be. What I've aspired to be all my life. All my life…" Aqua argued.

"Yeah. Of course you do. So would I. So would anyone. Doesn't change the facts though. Your darkness isn't going to go away because you wish it to. And trying to ignore it doesn't mean it's going to leave you alone. Just the opposite in fact, as you've found out. Something is going to end up in charge of the darkness you have. I'd rather it was you than have that be outsourced to the Phantom. Because somehow I don't want to see what she would do with that kind of power. I want it in more responsible hands. Yours." Elrena countered.

"You shouldn't entrust it to me either. Or anyone for that matter. I've seen darkness abused. Maleficent. Hades. Xehanort. Others. Why would I ever want to be like them? Why would I ever choose that?" Aqua said.

"Why indeed? Those people wanted power. This isn't about that with you. It's about survival. Plus in their way your examples are just as stuck in binary thinking as you are. Only they chose darkness over light. There are other ways to think about this. Consider Terra and Riku for instance. Those two control both their light and darkness. And they're better off for it. Because for them neither is an unknown that could conquer them. Both will only strengthen them. And being able to control darkness? That's how Ansem the Wise was able to survive in the Realm of Darkness too." Elrena said.

Aqua blinked. "Wait, what? How on earth could you know that?"

"Oh, I straight up went and asked him. Didn't you wonder where I was this whole time? Hold on. Don't tell you didn't notice? Because if I just vanished for weeks and no one paid any attention… I'd be offended. Big time." Elrena said.

"You went and spoke to him? Without my permission?" Aqua asked, looking more than a bit offended.

"Oh, don't give me that. Your secret is out already. You know everyone is going to know it soon enough. And if he was to have some insight I wasn't going to wait around." Elrena replied.

Aqua sighed heavily and bowed her head. "You still could have asked me…"

"I suppose. But I guess it slipped my mind. My bad." Elrena said with a shrug. "The point being none of us are saying you should give up your light to this. None of us want to see you become the Phantom. And as contradictory as it might seem we're asking you to learn to accept your darkness precisely because we don't want that to happen. Once you have control of it, it will belong to you. And you can have it leave your light alone. You might even be able to use your darkness to defend your light."

Staring at the ground, Aqua shook her head. "Ansem, Riku, or even Terra… I'm not like them. And I can't become like them. Not even if I wanted to. I don't have what it takes to do as they have done. I'm not strong enough."

Elrena could barely believe her ears. "Not strong enough? Blue, what are you even going on about now? For goodness sake, you survived the Realm for a decade without any kind of protection. You've got to have broken some kind of record with that stunt. I've known people who wouldn't last ten minutes in there. And that while shielded and protected. And I certainly wouldn't want to try going there without protection. Way too risky. You did it, and you survived. So how exactly are you not strong?"

"Yes, I survived for ten years. And look at the damage that it did to me. It's what landed me in this mess in the first place. It's what created the Phantom. I was strong then, but that's all gone. Now it's all I can do to cling to what little remains." Aqua said bitterly.

"Well… all the more reason to try something new in that case. Adapt, and hopefully regain the strength you lost. It's got to be better than just banging your head against a wall, trying the same tired old tactics over and over until you've driven yourself to ruin." Elrena said.

Aqua just gave a sullen grunt, crossing her arms, still looking at the ground.

Elrena gave a defeated sigh, biting her lip. "It was probably unrealistic to expect to change your mind in a single conversation. But thanks for at least letting me speak my piece."

"Which reminds me, the thing I came to bring you." She added, handing the package she carried to Aqua.

Aqua gave Elrena a puzzled look, then turned her attention to the package, carefully opening the folds of paper.

"An Organization coat, made specifically for you. I asked for some help from the folks in Radiant Garden to have that made. Ansem the Wise put me in contact with these three fairies that have been making a lot of your enhanced outfits. Been working on this with them for these last couple of weeks, using my coat as the template, and with some additional input from the researchers. Took some doing, but we finally managed to cobble this one together." Elrena explained.

"I hope I got your size right. I figured you wouldn't take it kindly if I started messing around you with a measuring tape, so I had to make do with my best guess. And sorry about the color. I tried to have them make a version in your style, but apparently that interferes with the coat's functioning for some reason. So we finally just decided to go with the standard black and call it a day."

"But why do you want to give me this?" Aqua asked.

"Well… at the end of the day what's going to fix you is going to come from somewhere in there." Elrena said, pointing at Aqua's head.

"And from there." She pointed at her heart in turn. "The rest of us can talk with you and help you figure out your options. But as for the final decision… that's gonna have to be you. So I can't really help with that directly. I can't make it happen. Only you can do that. But I can help make sure the choice stays in your hands. The last thing we would need right now is more darkness entering from the outside and poisoning you further. So I figured I could have you fitted out with the best protective gear I can think of."

"But… I already have protection. I have my armor." Aqua pointed out.

"Sure. And those armors are absolutely a lovely piece of kit. Definitely going to have a use for mine once you finish making it. But the armor is designed more for blocking physical damage. For battle. These coats are better at warding off the kind of darkness that gets into your heart. Might even do a better job of it than the outfits Yen Sid has been passing around. The fairies sure seemed impressed when I finally convinced them to take a look. I don't think they wanted to accept that someone out there might be better at this than they are." Elrena replied.

"And yeah, I get that you might be a bit uneasy about using a coat that reminds you of enemies. But the coats themselves aren't evil. They're just a tool. And of course you don't have to use the coat if you don't want to. It's your choice to make. I just thought it might be of use." She continued.

Then Elrena stood up. "I guess I should be going. Doubtless you have more to talk about with your old mentor. Hang in there, Blue. We've got your back."

"Wait." Aqua said, Elrena halting in her tracks. "Why all of this? You seem to be actually concerned for me. Not just now but earlier than that. And now you've gone through all this trouble for my sake. Why? I can't imagine I mean anything much to you. So why do you care?"

Elrena could not help but roll her eyes. "Is it seriously that unbelievable? How come people are always so confused about that? Oh wait. I guess I do know why. And I suppose I have no one but me to blame for cultivating that reputation. But really, come on, give me a break here. You'd think I'd get a few points for trying at least."

"So you're asking why I'm doing this? There's a bunch of reasons actually. Maybe I'm genuinely trying to atone for past stupidity. Maybe I've seen this kind of thing before and I don't want you going down that road because I'm sick of watching it happen. Maybe for once in my stupid miserable life I'd like for something to go right and not fall apart around me. Maybe I'm trying to remember what it used to be like, when I could look at this world and feel something other than cynicism." She then continued in a tirade.

Aqua tiled her head at Elrena. This was… unexpected.

Elrena meanwhile paused before continuing. "Maybe I'm doing this because once upon a time I was lost and hopeless. And I was helped. I was saved. So I know what kind of a difference it can make. How it feels to be given that. And so maybe I'm trying to repay an old debt by passing this on to someone else." She said quietly.

Then there was a mischievous smile. "And who knows? Maybe I'm just losing my touch, going all soft and mushy. Kind of an alarming development if that's the case, but I suppose I'll just have to roll with it. Or maybe I was always soft and mushy, and only recently I've started to realize it's not the end of the world if someone else notices it too."

"So… long story short… shut up and take my kindness." She finished bluntly.

Her abrupt finish left Aqua momentarily confused. Then she began to chuckle, which shortly grew into full on laughter. A few moments of that and Elrena began to smile as well.

"Now there is a lovely sound. I'm glad I could still coax that out of you." Elrena said.

"Honestly, I prefer that myself." Aqua said, still chuckling. The she regarded the coat in her hands again.

"Hmm… I can feel the magic in it. A whole lot of it, but… subtle, almost hidden. You'd miss it if you didn't know to look for it. But the power is undeniable. I can see why this would be a potent defense against the darkness. Impressive craftsmanship…" She contemplated, her hand stroking the fabric.

"Was it very difficult to make this?" She asked.

"Admittedly. The design fought us the whole way, and clashing personalities didn't help matters at all. It got rather chaotic. Between team magic, team science and myself I'm just glad no one ended up a nervous wreck." Elrena said.

Aqua gave a soft chuckle. "It would be a shame for all this hard work to go to waste. Alright. If I have need, I might make use of this. Thanks, El."

"Sure. I hope it – wait, that did you just call me?" Elrena asked.

"Hey, if you're going to keep calling me Blue it's only fair I get to give you a nickname too." Aqua said with a mischievous grin.

"Um… yeah, sure. I suppose that's fair. It's just that… no one's called me that in a long time. I reckon I wasn't even a wielder yet the last time someone did that." Elrena replied.

"It… doesn't bother you, does it? That I call you Blue?" She then asked.

"No, not really. It was a bit strange at first, especially since you called me that from the first meeting. But I've gotten used to it." Aqua replied.

"There is one thing I'm wondering though. You said someone saved you once. Who was it?" She asked suddenly.

There was a momentary flash of fright as Elrena realized she might have said too much. Then a sad smile. "It was Invi. My old master."

"Invi? But isn't she of the…?" Aqua began to ask.

"Yeah. She is. But since we haven't yet seen her… I keep hoping she isn't involved in this. If she is… I won't necessarily like where things might end up." Elrena said quietly.

"But… why did you need rescuing? What happened?" Aqua asked.

Elrena closed her eyes for a moment. Aqua squinted. Was Elrena fighting back tears right now?

"Look, Blue… I… maybe another time, ok? You can't expect me to give up all my secrets in one go, now can you?" Elrena finally said.

"…Okay. Another time then." Aqua said after a pause.

Elrena was about to leave when she turned back one more time.

"Blue… Aqua. About what I said… promise me you'll think about it? At least a little?" She told her.

Aqua was silent for a time, then nodded.

Elrena went on her way and Aqua placed her wayfinder back on the monument. She sat there in front of it for a long time in silence, contemplating…


"Hello, Naminé. I wanted to have a word with you." Terra greeted, finding her in the corridors of the castle.

"Oh, Terra. Hi. I was actually about to go looking for you." She replied. "I was hoping you would be able tell Aqua that I'm sorry how I handled things when discussing the Phantom. I've been wanting to tell her that for a good while now, but… I don't think she wants to see me right now."

He nodded. "I know what you were trying to say. And honestly I get your point. If it was up to me I might even agree with your advice. And I'm sure she feels bad about yelling at you. She just can't bring herself to tell you that yet."

"But listen. There is one more option I wanted to consider with you. Something Riku told me about one time." He then told her.

Naminé tilted her head at him, curious as to what he might mean.

"Back in castle Oblivion when you two first met, he was having issues with his darkness, and Ansem. And he told me you offered to put a lock on his heart. Something that would have kept Ansem at bay for good. I was wondering… would that be an option with Aqua? I want to consider all the possibilities.

"Riku told you about that? I see…" Naminé said.

"Did you mention this to Aqua yet?" She asked.

"I wanted to speak of it with you first." He answered.

She nodded, looking relieved.

"That is something I could do, yes. But honestly… I'd rather not go there. Not at all really…" She then said.

"No? But why not? If you were willing to offer this to Riku…" Terra asked.

"I did offer it to him, yes. But I never actually wanted him to take me up on that offer. On some level I knew that he wouldn't. I offered it so he would feel like he had a choice, rather than have him feel he was forced to walk down the only road in front of him. So he could turn down my offer and face what was ahead with confidence, sure that he was walking his path out of his own free will. Because I felt he needed that certainty." She explained.

She paused before giving a dry chuckle. "Exactly the kind of manipulation you would expect from a witch, now isn't it?"

"Is that why you wouldn't want to do it this time either?" He asked.

"To some degree, yes. I believe in her. She can triumph over this, I know it. She just needs to apply herself correctly. And the only thing stopping her from doing so is her fear. And the concern that choosing would betray her principles. Those shackles can be broken, and I would not deny her the opportunity." She said.

"But that is not the only reason I don't want to do this. I've at times thought about what I offered him, and I've realized there would have been a great cost to going through with it." She added.

"How so?" Terra asked.

"To lock away the Phantom would require severing all her memories of her darkness. But the thing about memories… is that they're all connected. One to another, to another, to another. And for this to work I can't leave any loose threads behind. Were I to miss anything at all, then at best the gaps in her memories would cause her distress. At worst it might be the trail that would lead her back to the Phantom. And she would be caught unawares by a darkness she didn't remember she had." Naminé explained.

"And even if everything went as planned…. her fall is such a defining feature of her now. So many things that could lead her to a chain of thought that could break the lock. Things she would like to keep, like the memories of her master. Of you and Ventus. I would have to take all of it away from her, plant false memories in their place. And if I go that far… how much can you cut off a person before they are not themselves anymore? And what if she started remembering echoes of it, like Ventus did? She would come to me to get her memories back. And then I'd have to decline and hurt her by the refusal, or return everything to square one." She continued.

Terra frowned, grasping his chin. He really had not thought the cost might be so heavy…

"It would be difficult for you as well. She might be there in body, but I don't think she would be the Aqua you know. And all of you would be forced to live a lie, to maintain the fiction. If she realized the true world doesn't correspond to her memories, it would just leave her confused and hurting.

"Don't make me go there. Please don't." She concluded quietly.

Terra sighed. "…Alright. I get your point. I wouldn't want to mangle her like that either. It's not an option. And throwing more light at her is a stopgap measure, not a true solution. I guess there really is only one way out of this?" He said.

"Regrettably yes. Her old way served her well in the past. It saved her when all around her was dark, when she was alone and desperate. But it has run its course. It has become a danger to her now, leading her to the arms of darkness. It's time must end. She must learn a new way. One of balance." Naminé said.

"That is not going to be easy. You've heard her. This goes against everything she was taught. It was hard enough for me to do this in my time, and deep down I was always a doubter to the things I had been taught. But she always believed in those lessons. And she is frightened of what the Phantom represents. To have her take that for her own… I'm not sure even I could convince her." Terra said.

"I know. But we must try. There is still a chance for her to be spared. But she must heed us." She said.

"Help her, Terra. As she once guided you home, now you must be her guide in turn. Teach her anew, so she can thrive again. Guide her to the way to dawn." She told him.