AN: I'm back with another chapter!
Disclaimer: I don't own Shikimori's Not Just a Cutie.
Warning: God and Christianity will be discussed in this chapter, so if that bothers you, please don't read.
Now, enjoy Chapter 6!
It was officially winter break, which Kamiya was excited about. She no longer had to worry about her studies or the pressure of being the role model of the library committee or the volleyball team. She had two weeks to just relax and have time to enjoy herself.
And winter was her favorite season of the year. She loved the snow, but it began to fade over the years.
It's been snowing a lot recently, so Kamiya tried to stay inside as much as possible. She enjoyed her time alone, but sometimes she wanted to be out with Shikimori and Nekozaki.
She'd talk to them occasionally when they would bump into each other at school, but that didn't make her happy. They mostly just talked about their studies and what plans they had after school.
She often found herself thinking about her last conversation with Ryuga. She wanted to keep talking to him, and they would whenever she approached him. But their small talk barely lasted three minutes.
She felt like Ryuga was ignoring her again. He never bothered to approach her, and he always tried to end their conversations before they even seemed to have begun.
But Ryuga asked Kamiya to have some time to think, which she gave him. So he must want to talk to her again, right? He won't just ignore her, right?
She hoped that wasn't the case.
Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard what sounded like water outside. She got off her bed and peeked through the curtains. It was raining, but there were only light showers. She figured it wouldn't be too cold if she took a walk.
Before she could get ready, her phone started ringing. She looked at the screen and picked it up. "Shikimori-san?"
"Hey, Kamiya-san!" Shikimori said on the other side of the line. "How are you doing?"
Kamiya smiled. She wasn't used to anyone checking up on her. "I'm doing okay. Thank you for asking. And how about yourself?"
"I'm doing great!" Shikimori exclaimed. Kamiya could literally see her cute facial expressions as she talked. "Are you busy by any chance?"
That question surprised Kamiya. Does she want to hang out? "Not at the moment. Why? Do you need something?"
"I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out. Neko already agreed to."
"Oh…" Kamiya wasn't sure how to respond. Shikimori has asked her to hang out before, but that was weeks ago. They haven't really talked much since. "Yeah," she decided to say. "That would be great."
"Great!"
Kamiya cringed, feeling like her ears were going to bleed from how loud Shikimori shouted. Still, she smiled, happy that someone actually wanted to hang out with her to get to know her.
"I'll let Neko know you're coming, then we'll meet up at the mall," Shikimori informed.
"Okay. I'll be on my way."
"See ya!" And with that, Shikimori hung up, leaving Kamiya alone with one of her ears ringing.
Surprisingly, Kamiya just laughed.
After taking the train with Nekozaki, they arrived at the mall. Shikimori was standing in front of a coffee shop, waving to them.
"Hey, you guys!"
"Micchon!" Nekozaki exclaimed. She ran over to her and threw her arms around the pinkette. Shikimori looked surprised, but returned the hug.
"Has it been that long, Neko?" she asked.
Nekozaki let go of her. "No, I'm just happy to see you."
Kamiya approached them. "Hey."
Shikimori looked at her, smiling. "Hey, Kamiya-san!" She then looked Kamiya over. "I didn't expect you to dress so differently from how we dress for school."
"Oh…" Kamiya grabbed the white hoodie she was wearing under her black jacket. "Is it bad?"
"Not at all!" Nekozaki assured her. "You look great, Kamiya-san!"
Kamiya smiled. "Thanks."
"So, what do you want to do, Micchon?" Nekozaki asked.
"Christmas shopping, of course!" Shikimori said, her voice filled with excitement.
"Huh?"
"Is something wrong, Kamiya-san?"
Kamiya looked at Shikimori uneasily. "I… I've never really celebrated Christmas…"
Both Shikimori and Nekozaki stared at her with blank expressions.
"Are you serious?!"
"You've never celebrated Christmas before?!"
"No…" Kamiya looked away nervously. What will they think of me now?
"Why not?" Shikimori asked.
"I just… was never interested in celebrating…" Kamiya closed her eyes, struggling to justify her reason for lying. What she told them wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't close to the truth. No one needs to know. It's better that way.
"Well, that's about to change!" Nekozaki declared. "Come on! Get your parents something nice." She grabbed Kamiya's hand and lugged her along, but Kamiya didn't run along. She looked at the floor, trying her best to hide her sadness, which Nekozaki seemed to notice. "Kamiya-san, is everything okay?"
Kamiya forced a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me."
"Well, what are we waiting for?! Let's go shopping!" Nekozaki exclaimed.
Kamiya followed her and Shikimori, a sense of loneliness weighing her down.
"This looks nice. Don't you think, Kamiya-san?"
Kamiya looked at the ruby necklace Shikimori was pointing at. It had a thin silver chain, and the ruby jewel was in the shape of a sun. "It's beautiful."
"Why don't you get it?" Nekozaki suggested.
Kamiya looked at her. "For who?"
Nekozaki shrugged. "Is there anyone in your family you're close to?"
Kamiya looked away, frowning.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Kamiya-san," Nekozaki said, seeming to notice her sadness.
"I'm sorry if we offended you," Shikimori said apologetically. "Did something happen to your family?"
"Micchon!" Nekozaki whispered harshly.
Kamiya felt disappointed now. She knew both of her friend's intentions were good, but they weren't actually sorry. They just felt sorrowful in the moment. Ryuga-san was right… Nobody really understands why they're apologizing. It's meaningless.
"Kamiya-san?" Nekozaki asked. Her worry broke Kamiya out of her thoughts.
"I'm fine, really," she reassured her. "Now let's continue shopping."
Both girls smiled alongside Kamiya, and they continued their shopping spree.
"Do you both want anything for Christmas?" Kamiya asked her friends.
"Kamiya-san, that's so sweet of you to ask!" Shikimori gushed. "But you don't have to get us anything."
Kamiya felt uncertain. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah! Our friendship is more than enough!" Nekozaki reassured her.
"I—"
"Kamiya-san," Nekozaki interrupted gently, "you really don't have to get us anything. Having you as my friend means the world to me."
"And to me as well!" Shikimori added.
"But you're dating Izumi-kun, so why would you want to pursue a friendship with me?" Kamiya asked.
Shikimori's blue eyes narrowed confidently. "Because you need people in your life, Kamiya-san. Good people. Not those people who crawl and beg for your attention."
Kamiya smiled gratefully. "Thank you. The both of you. I'm so happy I can call you both my friends."
"Of course!"
"By the way, how's Ryuga-san doing?" Nekozaki asked curiously. "Have you seen him recently?"
Kamiya felt like the air around her got much hotter. She was starting to sweat and wiped it away from her forehead. "Not really, no."
She just realized that they haven't talked since the last day of school before they left for winter break. But that conversation, like all of the others after she visited his house, was just small talk about school. She enjoyed those conversations, but she missed the deep conversations they had.
"He still doesn't want to be your friend, huh?" Shikimori asked sympathetically.
"It's… complicated," Kamiya said. "It's not my place to explain things about him."
Shikimori smiled reassuringly. "It's alright, Kamiya-san. I understand if you don't want to talk about him. You probably don't even understand how you feel about him yet. Don't worry, you'll figure it out."
What does she mean by that?
"Come on! That's enough stalling!" Nekozaki interrupted. "We need to keep shopping!"
"You're right, Neko," Shikimori agreed. Her eyes suddenly lit up. "I know! Why don't you get that necklace for Ryuga-san!"
Why would you even suggest that when you just essentially gave me space and supposedly felt sorry for crossing my personal boundaries? Instead of showing her anger, Kamiya smiled, deciding to provide Shikimori with an answer. "What if he doesn't like it?"
"It's the thought that counts," Nekozaki said.
"And I think Ryuga-san needs good people in his life as well," Shikimori added. "People like you, Kamiya-san."
Kamiya was confused. "What do you mean 'people like me'? What's so good about me?"
"You were the first person to approach Ryuga-san. You were kind and respectful to him, and I'm assuming he's not used to that. And I didn't exactly leave a good first impression on him, so I can't be that friend he needs."
"And I would probably just get on his nerves," Nekozaki chuckled. "But he seems to be a very patient person, so he needs a friend with just as much patience."
"So, Kamiya-san, he needs you to be his friend," Shikimori explained. "I can tell you've started to open up more because of him, and he might continue to do so if he has you as a friend."
Kamiya was appreciative of her friend's support, but she still felt a tight knot in her stomach that constricted her entire body. "Is it… a bad thing that I prioritize Ryuga-san over you guys? That I like being around him more?"
"Kamiya-san," Shikimori said seriously, firmly grasping said girl's shoulder, "I already have important people in my life. Neko has important people in her life. Izumi-san is my top priority. So don't think you're a bad person because you want to prioritize someone over another."
"And we're always here to support you," Nekozaki chimed, grasping Kamiya's other shoulder. "Don't you forget that."
"You guys…" All Kamiya could do was smile. She felt so relieved to have friends who would support her no matter what. Shikimori has proven that ever since she told her to forget about her feelings for Izumi. And Nekozaki constantly showed her support by always checking up on her. "Thank you."
"Any time!" Nekozaki said assuringly.
"I'm always happy to help," Shikimori said, winking.
Kamiya was flustered, but she didn't know why. She assumed it was because Shikimori was teasing her. She looked at the necklace. "I think I'll get this for Ryuga-san. He deserves something nice."
Both of her friends were practically squealing with joy.
"He's going to love it!"
Shikimori's eyes dangerously narrowed, somewhat intimidating Kamiya. "And if he doesn't love it, he doesn't deserve you as a friend."
"I… know…" Kamiya didn't want that to be the case, but she knew she'd have to forget about Ryuga-san if he disregarded her kindness. He won't, though, right? He won't write me off just because he might not like something, will he?
"Kamiya-san, don't worry. Ryuga-san has been talking to you for weeks. He won't disregard you over a necklace. He doesn't seem that petty," Nekozaki said soothingly. "You'll make a wonderful friend, I promise."
Kamiya smiled. "Again, thank you both." Feeling at rest now, she paid for the necklace and continued to enjoy her afternoon with her friends.
It was Christmas Day at last. Kamiya had been anticipating this day to come ever since she went shopping with Shikimori and Nekozaki. It was the only thing she had on her mind for the past week. And now that it was finally here, she didn't feel that anticipation or excitement anymore. Instead, she felt nervous, and she didn't know why. It bothered her and she wanted it to stop. She wanted to feel happy and appreciated.
I hope everyone else is happy and celebrating with their families. So why am I feeling like this? Why won't my heart stop pounding? Why am I so confused and anxious on such a miraculous day?
She didn't have any answers to her questions, or any solutions to her anxiety, which made her feel worse. She wished she could just forget about all of her worries, but they were all she could think about.
All of this stress is giving me a headache. Kamiya placed a hand over her hot forehead. I can't think. Am I sick again?
She decided to ignore that question and got out of bed. She limped down the stairs and into the kitchen. She leaned against the counter. Her head was ringing so much she felt like it was going to explode. She just barely managed to catch a glimpse of a card laying on the counter.
She squinted her eyes, confused. Did Mother leave this out? She opened the card.
Aruna,
Merry Christmas. I'm sorry I can't be here with you, but I hope you will appreciate this card.
- Mother
Kamiya blankly stared at the card her mother wrote for her. It was exactly the same message as last Christmas, and every other Christmas prior. She never paid much attention to the cards her mother wrote for her because they had no meaning to her.
If she actually cared, she would be here right now.
But her mother wasn't with her, and since she was used to her negligence, she wasn't going to let it get to her. She was angry, yes—definitely. She wished her mother would actually acknowledge her existence and spend time with her. But she had other people in her life who she could spend time with.
Kamiya felt her phone start to buzz. She picked up the video call and saw Shikimori, Nekozaki, Izumi, Inuzuka, and Hachimitsu appear on her screen, somewhat startling her.
"Merry Christmas!"
Kamiya just blinked, still trying to comprehend what was happening.
"Haha! Don't look so bewildered, Kamiya-san!" Nekozaki chuckled.
"Yeah!" Shikimori chimed. "It's finally Christmas! Aren't you excited?" She winked, confusing Kamiya even more. What secret did they have?
Then she remembered. She remembered when she went shopping with her and Nekozaki. She remembered their conversation about Ryuga.
Kamiya widened her eyes as she felt an intense heat erupt throughout her entire body. It was so agonizing she wanted it to stop.
"Kamiya-san?" Izumi asked, sounding concerned. "Are you okay?"
Kamiya barely heard his concern. She was more concerned about the nerves that she's been feeling ever since she woke up. And now she has an idea of what was triggering her stress and anxiety.
Ryuga-san…
Just that thought made the heat in her body rise to dangerous temperatures. Her head was ringing and spinning so much she felt like if she took just one step she would collapse.
But why would Ryuga-san make me feel like this? That's what Kamiya wanted to know. She thought he should make her feel happy, not stressed and anxious.
"Yo! Kamiya-san!"
Nekozaki's shout brought Kamiya back to reality. She shook her head, hoping she would be able to think clearly.
"Don't worry about me," she reassured everyone. "I'm fine."
"Judging from your downcast eyes and how you're standing and responding, you seem to be stressed about something," Hachimitsu deduced.
"Hachimitsu-san, don't!" Nekozaki hissed.
"You guys keeping some sort of secret or something?" Inuzuka asked.
"Uh…" Kamiya couldn't form any words. For once she wished Shikimori or Nekozaki would butt in.
"Mystery solved!" Hachimitsu claimed.
What mystery? Kamiya noticed the worried looks on Shikimori's and Nekozaki's faces, then put everything together. Is it too difficult to give someone their space? Why do people have to be so nosy?
Nekozaki started laughing, but it sounded like she was nervous. "So, any plans today, you guys?"
"I think everyone is going to stay home," Hachimitsu speculated. "No one can really go anywhere because of the holidays."
So I'm going to be all alone again…
"Are all of you celebrating with your family?" Izumi asked.
"You already know I am, Izumi-san," Shikimori said, which caused Izumi to blush. "And you are too."
"You two need a moment?" Inuzuka deadpanned.
Now it was Shikimori's turn to blush.
"I never knew Christmas could be so romantic!" Nekozaki chuckled.
"That's what Valentine's Day is for," Hachimitsu pointed out.
"You guys open your presents yet?" Nekozaki asked eagerly.
Kamiya glanced at the card her mother left out for her. She didn't really see it as a present. She didn't know what to think of it.
"Yeah," Hachimitsu said. She held up a stuffed cat, her expression unchanging. "I just got this."
Nekozaki was practically beaming through the phone. "That is so cute!"
"I'm going to wait to open mine," Shikimori said, shyly glancing at Izumi, who laughed nervously.
"I don't really celebrate," Inuzuka said. "I prefer to study."
"You're such a nerd!" Nekozaki laughed.
"Shut up!"
"What about you, Kamiya-san?" Nekozaki asked, forgetting about her banter with Inuzuka.
"I haven't opened mine yet…" Kamiya said, forcing a smile. She didn't want to give them a reason to feel sorry for her.
Shikimori smirked. "What are you waiting for?"
"I'm just busy."
"But it's Christmas!"
"I know…" Kamiya was getting more and more uncomfortable. She knew they were all just messing around with each other, but it hurt because of all of the stress and anxiety she was feeling all morning. She just wished she could feel nothing at this point. That way she couldn't be hurt again.
"Kamiya-san?" Nekozaki's concerned voice broke Kamiya out of her thoughts.
"I'm fine," she reassured everyone. "I have to go now. Thank you for calling. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas!" They all cheered.
Kamiya sighed after hanging up. She looked at her card again, then thought of the gift she got for Ryuga. Should I have gotten her a gift? She shook her head. It's not like it would matter. I would never have the chance to give it to her.
Keeping her head low, she prepared for the day.
Kamiya was standing outside Ryuga's house. She didn't know how she was able to muster up the courage to bury her nerves and go over there. She could barely walk out the front door of her house. But she did, and now she was ready to face her fears.
Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the front door. She got no response for about a minute, so she knocked again. She completely froze in place when the door swung open.
Ryuga's mother walked out, looking tired. "Hello!" she said, smiling brightly.
Kamiya didn't know what came over her, but she wasn't afraid. She didn't feel a single ounce of fear in her. "Hello, Ryuga-san." Saying that felt so weird on her tongue, but she knew that was the formal way to address a parent. "Is your son here?"
"No. He left a while ago."
Kamiya was confused. Where would he go on a day like this? We're not in school and nobody's working… "Do you know where he went?"
Ryuga's mother crossed her arms. "I have no idea. Why do you want to see him?"
"I just want to see him." Why am I being so assertive?
"You need to give me an actual reason, Kamiya." Ryuga's mother's voice grew dark, making her threat all the more obvious.
"I just want to hang out with him," Kamiya said, trying to maintain her patience. She didn't trust the person in front of her one bit. "Is that so wrong?"
"Yeah, it is. It's Christmas Day and I barely know you."
"Then why would you let your son go out on his own on Christmas?" Kamiya shot back.
"That's his problem, not mine," Ryuga's mother said offhandedly.
Kamiya couldn't believe what she was hearing. Despite how angry she was, she couldn't fire anything back. She couldn't believe someone could show such little care for their own child, or for anyone for that matter.
"Can I help you with anything else?"
Kamiya didn't even bother faking a smile to try to be polite. She had no respect for Ryuga's so-called "mother". "I'm fine, thank you."
Without a word, Ryuga's mother turned on her heel and walked back inside, but not before muttering something that made Kamiya's heart tighten until she felt like she couldn't breathe.
"Such a little bitch."
Kamiya was running. She didn't know where, but she kept running. Her eyes were closed tightly as she prevented tears from leaving them. She was more angry than she was sad.
Why…? How can someone be so callous? She entered the forest on her right, not running in a particular path, so she opened her eyes to see where she was going. Does she even care about Ryuga-san? Or is she just using him for her own benefit?
Kamiya ducked under and jumped over branches as she struggled to find the path she was looking for. Why can't I remember where I'm going? Better yet, why am I running as if my life were in danger?
Before she could form another thought, her foot got caught in a tree root sticking out of the ground, launching her forward and causing her to land face-first on the rough ground.
Why? Why can't I do anything right? Why do I… always have to mess things up?
Despite her negative thoughts, she didn't feel like crying, or even screaming. She only felt her anger rise within her. But she buried it once again as she got to her feet, sighing heavily.
Clenching her fists until her knuckles whitened, and gritting her teeth until her jaw ached, Kamiya continued to run. She ran as hard as she could. She was running so fast she couldn't even process a single thought.
She widened her eyes when she saw the edge of the familiar cliff, skidding to a halt. She slowly climbed down, unbothered when small chunks of rock fell beneath her with every gentle step she took.
When she reached the bottom, she looked around. Up in the trees, behind the bushes and rocks, until she found someone sitting by the pond. She approached the person, instantly recognizing him.
"Ryuga-san?"
He turned his head slightly, then looked back at the pond.
"What are you doing over here?" Kamiya asked.
He kept his eyes on the pond, remaining silent.
"How long have you been out here?"
Ryuga finally answered her. "Since this morning."
Kamiya looked up at the sky. The sun looked like it was about to set soon. "Aren't you lonely? Spending your time out here all day?"
Ryuga glared at her. "I thought you understood that we're both used to being alone?"
Kamiya looked at the ground, feeling ashamed of what she just said.
"I shouldn't have snapped at you like that," Ryuga sighed, closing his eyes. "I'm just really angry and confused right now."
Kamiya sat down next to him. "Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?"
"I wouldn't want to ruin your Christmas."
He's so selfless. Kamiya smiled, but it immediately disappeared when Ryuga looked at her as she tried not to panic.
"What?" he asked bluntly.
"N-Nothing!" Kamiya stuttered, lowering her head so her bangs would cover her flushed cheeks. "I don't mind if you talk about what's bothering you. My Christmas hasn't been pleasant either."
"How so?"
"My mother chose to work so I was alone at home," Kamiya explained, lowering her head even further.
"Is that why you came here?" Ryuga asked. "So that you could escape your loneliness?"
Kamiya widened her eyes, remembering the reason she even wanted to see Ryuga. "...No…"
Ryuga looked confused, his eyes squinting. "Why did you come here then?"
Kamiya felt her heart start to beat faster. It was all she could hear. Everything was starting to get hot again. She tried to calm herself by taking a few deep breaths, which she could see as she exhaled.
"Everything okay?"
She managed to smile at his concern. "Yeah, everything's fine," she assured him. "But… the reason I came here is because…" She looked at Ryuga intensely, seeming to surprise him as his eyes slightly widened. "I wanted to see you, Ryuga-san."
Ryuga's eyebrows shot up, making him look even more surprised. "You did?"
Kamiya forced herself to keep eye contact. "Yes. I just…" Come on, just give it to him! Why is it so hard? "I just wanted to talk to you." I'm such an idiot.
"Are you that lonely?" Ryuga asked, clearly taken aback.
"It's not that." Kamiya looked away from him. "I stopped by your house before coming here."
Ryuga looked frightened as his eyes widened. "What did my mother say to you? She didn't hurt you, did she?"
Kamiya felt her eyes start to sting and her throat constricted, making it difficult for her to breathe. "Well, she spoke very rudely toward you. It was like she didn't care about you at all."
"What else happened?" Ryuga pressed.
"Your mother…" Kamiya struggled to get the last few words out as her lips started quivering. She really felt like she couldn't breathe now. She could barely see Ryuga clearly because everything was so blurry from the tears that threatened to leak from her eyes.
Several drops of rain suddenly came pouring down on them, but neither of them seemed to care. The mood was already depressing.
Kamiya finally opened her mouth to finish her sentence, and to release a breath she barely realized she was holding. But instead of words, only cries came out of her mouth. She lowered her head, her tears mixing in with the rain as they both hit the ground. "Your mother called me a little bitch," she muffled out, followed by a hiccup.
"Kamiya-san…" Rafe whispered.
She barely heard him because of how loud her cries were. "I-I'm sorry… I d-don't even know w-why I'm crying…" Her chest started hurting, making her feel like she had to force her cries out. "Maybe I am just a little bitch…"
"Kamiya-san," Ryuga said again, much more intensely. She still refused to look at him, until she felt gentle yet shaky hands on her wrists. "You are not a little bitch. My mother doesn't even know you, so she had no right to call you that. That was very immature of her. You are probably the most honest and kind person I've met."
Kamiya coughed out another hiccup. "You must think I'm pathetic, seeing me like this?"
"Kamiya-san," Ryuga said in the same intense tone, raising one of his hands.
She glanced at it, then at his eyes. His eyes held the same amount of intensity as his voice. She looked down at his hand again. Does he want to touch me? Her heart started beating faster at the thought. She felt his soft fingers touch beneath her chin, just barely, lifting her head so that she was looking into his eyes.
He just stared at her, looking a little nervous. His mouth opened, but closed after Kamiya smiled. "Kamiya-san, you are not pathetic," he reassured her. "You are one of the strongest people I know. You don't let your popularity cloud your judgment, and you always try to help others. You've allowed me to get to know you, even though I've done nothing but push you away." He looked away for a brief second, then back into her eyes. "I think I have an answer for you; about our last conversation when I walked you back to your house and to when we first met."
Kamiya leaned forward, eagerly waiting to hear what he would say.
"I think you are a good person, Kamiya-san, and I would like us to be friends."
As soon as Kamiya heard what Ryuga said, her body reacted in completely different ways. Her stomach was doing somersaults, her heart was pounding intensely, her cheeks were burning, and her head was spinning. He… wants to be my friend? She almost thought she was in a dream, but was proved wrong when she felt a small squeeze around her wrist.
"Hey, are you okay?" Ryuga asked.
Even though she was smiling, her eyes started welling up again, and the tears came out. She didn't bother holding them in. She knew she wasn't sad. Quite the opposite. She was happy; elated. She's never felt like this before. She gently took Ryuga's hand off of her chin, holding it on her lap, making every feeling in her body intensify. Everything was burning so much, but it felt good somehow.
"Please don't cry, Kamiya-san." Ryuga wiped her tears away with his shaky hands, and as soon as he touched her, it was like a jolt of electricity surged through Kamiya, completely paralyzing her. "Kamiya-san, what's wrong?"
She looked into his eyes. "Ryuga-san…" He has a really nice name. "Please don't worry about me." But I appreciate it. You're so selfless. "I'm fine." Even though she was aware of all of the thoughts running through her mind at the moment, she couldn't bring herself to say any of it. Just thinking about it made her feel nervous and anxious again. But why do I feel like this? She widened her eyes, realizing that this was similar to how she felt about Izumi, but not as intense. I won't hide from it anymore. I like Ryuga-san. She smiled.
"Are you okay, Kamiya-san?" Ryuga asked, sounding much more concerned.
Kamiya widened her smile. "Yes, I'm okay. I'm grateful that you want us to be friends, and that you see me as a good person. You are a good person too, and I would gladly accept you as a friend, Ryuga-san."
Ryuga stood up, looking forward. He looked like he was in deep thought, but then he looked at Kamiya, the corner of his lips curving upward slightly. "Thank you, Kamiya-san."
Now that he was standing, Kamiya was actually able to get a good look at him. He was wearing a white hoodie under a black, knee-length overcoat, black jeans, and black leather boots. He looks so handsome.
A sudden downpour of rain snapped her out of her trance. "Come on! There's shelter around here!" She started running, but Ryuga just stood still, looking at the moonlit sky. "Ryuga-san?"
"You should go back home, otherwise you'll catch a cold," he said in a raspy voice.
Kamiya stepped in front of him. Despite all of the rain that was falling on his face, she could still see tears coming out of his eyes. "Why are you crying, Ryuga-san?"
He still didn't look at her. "I just remembered something… that I want to forget…"
Kamiya wanted to ask him about it, but knew that he wouldn't tell her in the state he was in. She reached a hand out to try and wipe his tears away, but he closed his eyes and turned around.
"I'm still not comfortable being touched by others…" Ryuga turned around to face Kamiya, his eyes filled with guilt. "I had no right to touch you earlier, even if my justified reason was to try and comfort you. I wasn't really thinking clearly and it was very out of character. I apologize, Kamiya-san." He bowed.
Kamiya could only smile. She wasn't upset that Ryuga didn't want to be touched. "I accept your apology, Ryuga-san, and respect your boundary of not wanting to be touched. I appreciate that you were willing to overcome your discomfort to try and comfort me. Thank you."
Ryuga looked surprised, as if he didn't understand what he was hearing, but it all disappeared when his lips curved upward in a small smile. "I should be the one thanking you, Kamiya-san."
She widened her smile. "That's what friends are for. Speaking of which, I have something to give you."
Ryuga looked even more surprised. "You do?"
"Yeah!" Kamiya took the jewelry box out of her coat pocket and handed it to Ryuga. "Merry Christmas, Ryuga-san!"
He took the box from her and opened it, his eyes widening. He took the ruby necklace out of it, looking mesmerized by it.
"Do you like it?" Kamiya asked, growing anxious.
"Why did you get this for me?" he asked, sounding confused.
"Because I wanted to. I thought it defined you well, being in the shape of a sun, which is represented by the goddess Amaterasu," Kamiya explained. "To me, it shows that you can give light to others."
Ryuga just continued to stare at the necklace, mouth agape. "No one's given me anything before…"
"Well, I'm honored to be the first person to do so," Kamiya chuckled.
Ryuga put the necklace on. "Thank you, Kamiya-san. I really appreciate you."
Kamiya smiled. "Of course!"
"I got you something as well," he said, looking away from her.
It was Kamiya's turn to be surprised. "You did?"
He nodded and grabbed a similar looking jewelry box out of his coat pocket, handing it to her.
She looked at him, hesitating to take his gift. "I don't understand. Why would you get me something if you didn't yet see me as a friend?"
"I did, I just hadn't told you yet," Ryuga admitted. "I wanted to tell you today while giving you that."
Kamiya took the box from him and opened it, widening her eyes. Inside was a purple necklace that was shaped like a moon. "Ryuga-san… it's beautiful. Why did you choose to give me this?"
"I wanted to give you something that represented the moon, or the god of the moon, Tsukuyomi, which holds symbolism to the flow of time and mystery." Ryuga looked away shyly. "And I thought it would look good on you since the moon can also symbolize eternal beauty."
Kamiya gasped. Did he just call me beautiful? She smiled, putting the necklace on. "Thank you. I really appreciate you as well."
The rain started to calm, but it started to snow.
"Kamiya-san, are you weeping?" Ryuga asked, looking up at the sky.
She looked at him. "Huh? No."
"Oh… Forgive me for asking. I just made that assumption because… you know… that whole symbolism with the moon."
Kamiya giggled. "It's alright." She looked at the sky as well. "This snow is beautiful, though. Maybe it's God weeping."
"God?" Ryuga asked, sounding confused yet curious.
"Yeah. It's said that we celebrate Christmas because it was the day his Son was born, and the sole purpose of His birth was to save us from sin," Kamiya explained. "At least, that's what Christians believe. I've never been really religious."
"Except we're not saved from sin. We're born as sinners because we're imperfect beings, and we sin and make mistakes our entire lives." Ryuga's eyes narrowed into a glare. "Despite that, God wants us to be like Him; to live like His Son did. Yet He knows we can't love the way He did because He stripped us from knowing that kind of love when the first sin was committed. We're forever imprisoned in this purgatory until death, and death is the only way we can truly know what it's like to love the way God does because once we're dead, we can no longer harm others. All we can do is give life to the land, which is God's love."
"Ryuga-san…" Kamiya whispered. "Do you really believe that?"
"I'm not sure. I've never been religious either. But I learned that from an anime I recently watched." His eyes closed, then opened into a rebellious glare. "God, if You're listening to me, I want You to know that I refuse to be Your servant. I refuse to waste my life away trying to achieve something that You made impossible, and I abhor You for that. I won't suffer under Your punishment anymore. I will create my own paradise here on this earth, not waiting years to earn my way into heaven with You."
Kamiya could only stare wide-eyed at Ryuga. He just rejected God right beside her. He made what seemed like an unforgivable vow to Christians. Yet, she understood what he was talking about. She didn't want to live her life trying to seek something that was unachievable. "Ryuga-san," she said, grabbing his attention. "I know I will continue to sin, but I too will create my own paradise on this earth. I will care for those who are close to me, not to God who let humanity fall so low."
Ryuga smiled. "I'm proud of you, Kamiya-san."
Kamiya lowered her head, but the white light of the moon revealed the blazing heat that crawled up her cheeks. "Thank you. I'm proud of you too, Ryuga-san." She looked at the moon with Ryuga for the rest of the night, trying to enjoy what little left of Christmas she had left.
Thank you for an amazing Christmas, Ryuga-san.
To be continued
AN: It's about damn time, Ryuga! It only took you six chapters to see Kamiya as a friend. All that aside, I hope you all were able to hold out for that slow development. I think both Kamiya and Ryuga got a lot of development in this first little arc of the story, and they're only going to keep developing.
I hope I was able to write out all of Kamiya's feelings toward Ryuga realistically. One, I'm not a female, so I have no idea how they process all of that stuff. And two, I've never really had such intense feelings for someone before besides a standard crush, so I had to do some research. And I decided to make Kamiya's first name Aruna because it means moon among other things, and I think Kamiya symbolizes that.
As for the last conversation about God, I hope that didn't offend anyone. I'm a believer in God myself but really question Him, so I don't really feel like I need Him to be saved.
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. A lot more development is going to be coming.
See you next time!