At Canoe's, Jude sat at his table across from Amanda, feeling anxious. The date had been kind of awkward and Amanda didn't seem terribly interested in him. Jude repeated in his head what Jonesy had told him before:
"Keep your eyes on the ball. Amanda is the ball."
"So, uh, what do you like to you do in your spa-" he began to say before she cut him off. "Shh! My ex is over there." She whispered, pointing behind him. Jude turned around to see that she was pointing at Eric. "This can't be happening!" Jude thought to himself. "Quick, say something funny!" she told him. "But I-" "AHAHAHAHAH, JUDE!" Amanda laughed loudly and obnoxiously, drawing attention to them. Eric walked up to them. "Amanda, what are you doing?" he asked. "Oh, just having an amazing time with my date, Jude. I've moved on, Eric, I think you should, too." Amanda said. "Is that right? Because it seems like you're just trying to make me jealous." Eric told her. Amanda scoffed. "Right! Someone needs to get over himself!" she said, not very convincingly. "You sure about that? Because I was trying to make you jealous." He admitted. "Really?" She asked. "Yeah, but if you really have moved on, then I guess that makes me a jerk." Eric said, starting to walk away. "Actually, I don't think you're a jerk. I was trying to make you jealous, too." Amanda said. "You were? Cause it kind of worked. Did it work for you too?" Eric asked. "Yeah, it did. I'm sorry." Amanda said. "I'm sorry, too. Breaking up with you was a mistake. Can we get back together?" Eric asked. "I thought you'd never ask." Amanda said, as the two begun making out, not really caring about the feelings of Jen or Jude, who they both just used.
Jude and Jen looked at one another from across the restaurant. Jude felt utterly humiliated and ran out of the restaurant. He got in his car, and Jen tapped on his car window. "Jude?" she asked. He rolled down his window. "Hey." he said. "Hey. Are you okay?" She asked. "Aside from being totally humiliated? I'm fine." he said. "Me too. I'm so sorry, Jude." she said. "Don't be, dudette. It's not your fault." he told her. She began to smile, and that made him smile, too. He got out of the car and the two hugged each other. It felt very cathartic. "Ya know, I never paid my half of the meal." Jen said, with a smug, shit eating grin on her face. "Me neither." Jude said, with a matching shit eating grin. The two giggled for a moment, at the thought of Eric and Amanda getting their just desserts for using and humiliating them both. "Wanna go see a movie to make up for tonight?" Jen asked. "Heck yeah!" he told her. Jude got back in her car and she got in her car, and the two drove over to the Gigantoplex at the mall.
Meanwhile, things had gone pretty sour over at IBIZA as well. On the topic of their kids, Claire again had used the opportunity to vent about hers. "So earlier today, Haley was having a hard time writing an essay about her biggest obstacle, and she complained that she never had to face an obstacle before, so I gave her an obstacle. I drove her off into the woods and made her walk all the way home!" Claire said.
She laughed hysterically while Phil, Emma and Michael sat there in shock, their mouths hanging open. "That's what Haley was yelling about! I'd heard her from the backyard!" Phil realized. "No, that was when I told her she could sleep in the yard!" Claire said, continuing to laugh, despite the fact that that was a terrible thing to do to Haley. Emma was especially disgusted, as she knew where they lived and knew that the woods wasn't even a close drive, let alone walk. "I'm gonna run to the washroom real quick." Emma said, excusing herself. Michael knew she wasn't really going to the bathroom and needed to leave to cool off.
"Claire, don't you think that's going too far?" Phil asked. "Too far? Maybe if you'd actually helped me instead of dumping all of the parenting responsibilities on me, I wouldn't have to resort to that!" Claire barked at Phil. "It's not my fault, I was helping Luke build a treehouse!" Phil pleaded. "I'm not talking about today, Phil! I'm talking about in general. I'm the one keeping our kids from ending up pregnant or in jail, while you're being the fun dad and undermining my every move!" Claire snapped at him. "I'm not trying to undermine anything, I'm trying my best to bond with the kids and be a good father." Phil said. "Yeah well, you keep letting them off the hook when they do things wrong! You also never take my advice, I am still mad about the wedged salad, by the way! I told you to try it for years and the minute some idiot suggests it, you try it! You know what Phil? Just get out, I don't want to talk to you!" Claire yelled at him. "Okay. I'm sorry, Claire." Phil said sadly, walking away.
Michael was seeing red. "What's wrong with you?" he asked. "Excuse me?" Claire asked. "Just what gives you the right to talk to him like that? Who do you think you are!?" he yelled at her. "I think I'm his wife, and what goes on in our marriage is none of your business!" Claire told him. "Is that right? Well you sure are comfortable airing your dirty laundry and causing a scene, but the minute I object to seeing you berate Phil, it's conveniently none of my business? I know being a parent is hard, and I know spouses fight sometimes or say or do things that drive each other crazy from time to time, but the way you treat Phil and your kids is unacceptable!" Michael yelled.
"And just who are you to tell me how to run my life? You don't know me! Okay? You just met me two hours ago, Emma has known me since we were 16! You don't know what it's like to be the only one keeping everything together without any help! It is my job to keep my children safe, and I get no help from Phil!" Claire snapped. "Well, in those 'two hours' I've known you, you've given me a pretty good idea of who you are based on all of these disparaging stories you've told. And as a matter of fact, I do know what it's like to run everything on my own! My first wife ran out on me and my boys, and not once did I invade their privacy, trash their rooms when they disobeyed me, sneak them off to a child psychologist or run over their hands with a go-kart!" Michael told her. "WE WERE HAVING FUN!!" Claire yelled.
"No, you were having fun! And that's the problem. Even your idea of bonding with your children is forced and selfish. You don't give a shit if they have a good time so long as you have a good time! You're lucky to have a husband like Phil, and those kids are damn lucky to have a father like him! Did it ever occur to you that maybe the reason those kids misbehave as much as they do is because of your treatment of them? Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, Claire, you're the root cause of most if not all of the problems in your life? You look down on and alienate Dylan when he worships the ground Haley walks on and treats her like a princess, you alienate Gloria out of jealousy when she sounds like she loves your dad, has embraced you, Phil and the kids with open arms, and sounds like a much better parent than your mom was despite how young she is. And another thing, I find it so funny how you complain about your mom when you're just like her!" Michael told her.
"I am not!" Claire objected. "Oh really? Well, for someone who complains about her mother inserting her - usually negative - opinion where it's not asked for and throwing a bitch fit when no one wants to hear it, controlling, looking down on and belittling everything you do, expecting you to act like a grown up while never giving you a chance to, invading your privacy in the name of parenting, ostrichising and judging the people around her as if she's any better, taking a sick pleasure in turning any situation she can ugly, exploding at the slightest percieved provocation, never admitting fault for anything she does and virtue signaling how great she is, you sure don't have a problem doing any of that to your own family. But it's only wrong when someone else does it, right?" Michael asked.
Claire was about to object but Michael cut her off before she could say anything. "I'm not going to sit here and say I'm a perfect father, or that Emma and I don't fight or get on each other's nerves every once in a while, or that I haven't made poor choices in my life or even that I don't still sometimes. But I will say that even on my worst days I never did any of those things to my kids, even as a single father. And even when my boys or my girls do misbehave, I punish them without resorting to any of that. And all 5 of them have turned out pretty fucking amazing! And when Emma and I do fight, we never treat each other anywhere near as badly as you treat Phil! I get that he can be goofy, oblivious, even somewhat childish, but the impression I've gotten from him in the two hours we've known each other is a kind, loving, devoted father and husband who would do anything for you and the kids. And also, unlike you, he made an effort to get to know me and asked me about my job and the boys. You didn't even seem interested in learning about how your fucking "best friend" Emma was doing! The way you talk to Phil MAKES ME SICK!! He's a human being, fucking treat him like one!! Let me tell you something else - you may be Emma's friend, but you're not my friend, and you can shove that veggie burger UP YOUR ASS!!!" Michael yelled.
He took a quick glance at the reciept and then stormed off and walked up to the front desk and paid for his meal, and Phil's meal.