The more Elena went over the memories in her mind, the more real they became. Every look, every smile, every touch, every tear. She struggled with the fact that for everyone else involved, it was not a few days ago, it was never. She was the only one with the memories. The beautiful ones and the heartbreaking ones. She was carrying a lot on her shoulders. There had been too many tragedies, too much violence, too much constant worry. But carrying these memories, knowing she was the only one to remember them- the weight of that was crushing. She usually could depend on others to understand, to help her through. But how could she expect anyone to understand this? Bonnie and Caroline would probably be appalled. Damon... well, she couldn't say anything to him, at least not yet. How weird would that be? Explaining to him how they had a history he knows nothing about. Stefan would be devastated. And everyone else... well, she would lose them at "I went back in time."

How was she supposed to just act like it never happened? She would be living with one version of reality in her mind and acting out a different version. No, it would never work. But she would have to take it slow, in baby steps. She couldn't just dump everything on people. Things had happened way too fast. She didn't even know what she had been thinking. She obviously wasn't thinking. She had the opportunity to get away from her own life and all her responsibilities and she took it. Acted rashly, on instinct, without a care for the consequences. She would be more careful this time. She would have to start with letting Stefan know it was over. Because, obviously, if she was willing to get involved with Damon the way she had, it was over with Stefan. Then, she would have to start on the monumental task of convincing Damon that it was all going to be okay because in this time period he was like a wild animal- unpredictable, afraid of showing weakness, and snapping at anyone that came within reach. He had said in 1864 that all he needed was for her to show him she really cared. But she would have to ease into it because it would be hard for him to believe anything would last after everything both Katherine and herself had put him through.

At least, that is what she would do if she decided she could actually be with Damon. The idea of letting Damon in made her feel panicked and excited at the same time. She did not want to be Katherine. She did not want to start WWIII between the Salvatore brothers. She did not want to let him in only to have him leave her broken on the side of the road. And she knew that to be with Damon was to accept eternal life. Because to be with him and then die on him was to unleash all kinds of hell on the world. If she let him love her and left him, it would break him. That was not an acceptable option. On the other hand, she wanted to run her hands all over him. She wanted to erase the haunted look from his eyes. She never wanted him to look at her the way he did when he returned her necklace.

A thousand thoughts were racing through her mind as she stood up. Step one was to deal with Jenna's funeral. Jenna deserved the focus to be on her right now. She has sacrificed her life to a fight that had never been hers to fight. Step two was to find a way to apologize to Damon for all the awful things she said to him since coming back from 1864. Step three was to inform Stefan what she thought of his character after seeing him as a human and being compelled by him. He had some serious issues just under the surface that he needed to work on. Then she was going to let him know that they were officially done. Step four was to find a way to explain to Bonnie and Caroline what happened with her and Damon in the past because she would need some serious advice. And step five was to decide what to do about Damon.

. . .

Jenna's service was beautiful. And ridiculously draining. Elena flopped down on her bed. Her eyes drifted shut and her mind wandered over the day. Her eyebrows drew together as she realized she hadn't seen Damon all day. In fact, she hadn't seen him since a brief glimpse before she died during the ritual. Well, she hadn't seen him in real life. But she had seen him in her mind every moment that she wasn't thinking about Jenna for the past two days. She groaned and rubbed her hands over her face. She was in so much trouble.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket, trying to decide which Salvatore to call first. In the end, she decided to stick to her original plan. Step two. Find a way to apologize to Damon. She called him and it immediately went to voicemail. She frowned. His phone was never off.

She called Stefan next. He answered on the second ring. "Elena." He didn't sound happy to hear from her.

"Hey," she said uncertainly. "Do you know where Damon is? I owe him an apology for being so rude the other day but I haven't seen him."

"Uh. I was hoping to put off telling you for a while longer but I've got some bad news."

Her heart sank. "What happened?"

"The night of the ritual, Damon rescued Tyler and Caroline. Klaus was originally going to use them in the ritual. Tyler... well, Tyler turned. And Damon was in the line of fire."

In that moment, she could have sworn her heart stopped. She sat down, hard.

"Elena?" Stefan sounded worried. He heard Elena take a deep, stuttering breath. "Hey. I don't want you to worry. I'm going to find a cure. Okay? There has to be one somewhere. I just have to find it. Listen, I'm sorry but I have to go. I'm meeting with someone about this. I love you."

Elena heard the line go dead. How was this possible? Every time she started to get her feet back under her, something else came along to knock her off balance. She couldn't even wrap her mind around this. The idea of Damon dying was so unreal. He was vibrant, with a kind of energy that just rolled off of him. The idea of that energy just disappearing was ridiculous. She took a deep breath. And prayed that Stefan found something soon.

. . .

She had been pacing the floor for three hours. Every so often she tried calling Damon, only to find his phone was still off, and then she would call Stefan, who didn't answer.

When she heard the knock on the door, she flew down the stairs. Stefan was standing on the porch. "Stefan. What's going on? Did you find something?"

Stefan shook his head. "I'm sorry, Elena."

"No. No." Elena frantically shook her head. The tears started to fall a moment later. "I... You are going to have to say it. I'll never believe it if you don't say it."

"He's gone, Elena." Stefan felt the words leave his mouth and wished he could call them back. He hated compulsion. It really was a bitch. And Klaus- well, he was the very devil himself.

Elena felt her legs give out from under her. Stefan grabbed her as she fell and eased them both to the ground as Elena began to sob. They sat on the floor in the open doorway, his arms around her as she clutched at his shirt and cried so hard he was sure she would shake apart. They sat that way until she had completely exhausted herself and fell asleep. Then her carried her up to bed, tucked her in, kissed her forehead, and left the house. On the way out, he called Caroline. Someone needed to watch over Elena in the morning.