The chapter is extra-extra long so enjoy. As a warning, this chapter has more violence than usual.
"Make a left here," Bonnie told Elena. She looked out the window at the passing scenery and fought off a wave of panic. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea."
"Bonnie, you are a witch who has faced death and won how many times now? You can handle this. The worst that can happen is she tells us to leave and you can move on instead of worrying about it. It'll be difficult but Caroline and I will always be here. And at least you'll know." She saw the worried frown on Bonnie's face and hastened to add, "But I am sure she will be happy to see you. She probably came back to live near Mystic Falls but figured you wouldn't want to see her or something."
Bonnie nodded distractedly. "It's the house coming up on our right."
Elena pulled into the long drive and stopped in front of the house. Unbuckling her seat belt, she leaned over and gave Bonnie a hug. "I'll be with you the whole time."
Bonnie nodded and opened her car door. When they got to the door of the house, she hesitated for just a moment, then she squared her shoulders and knocked.
The shock on the face of the woman that opened the door would have been comical if Bonnie hadn't been so nervous.
As Bonnie searched her mom's face, she felt a strange mix of relief, happiness, anger, pain, and loneliness.
"I," her mom began before pausing. She then stepped back, "Please, come in."
Bonnie didn't know what to say so she just stepped into the house without a word.
Elena cleared her throat and offered her hand to Bonnie's mom, trying to ease the awkwardness. "Hi, I'm Elena, one of Bonnie's best friends."
Bonnie's mom took her hand. "Elena Gilbert, the doppelganger."
Elena's eyebrows rose and she glanced at Bonnie, unsure of how to respond.
"How do you know about that?" Bonnie demanded. She couldn't help being suspicious. Most people they had met that knew about Elena had turned out to be untrustworthy at best and unfeeling monsters at worse.
"Years ago, a vampire named Michael came to town hunting for the doppelganger. I couldn't take the chance that he knew Elena was the doppelganger, so I led him out of town and managed to entomb him. Lost most of my magic in the process."
"And then what? Just decided to never come back?" the bitterness was thick in Bonnie's voice.
"Your father hated my magick. I loved it, but hated the responsibility that came with it. For the first time I was free. I could start over and no one would know what I was, know what I had lost, or expect anything I couldn't give. No more hiding or worrying. I knew Mom would watch over you and this way I could spare you your father and I's bitterness. You wouldn't have to choose between me, Mom, and magick and him. Because when the time came for you to train, he would have made you choose." At that moment, a timer in the kitchen dinged. She didn't move, staring at Bonnie.
Bonnie stared after her for a moment, confusion etched into her features. She really didn't know what to think. She hadn't expected her mother to dump the story on her before she had even sat down. She shook herself slightly. "Don't you need to get that?
He mother nodded slightly, then turned and disappeared down a hallway.
Elena took her hand and squeezed it. She led Bonnie into the kitchen. The smell of the roasted chicken permeated the kitchen and Elena felt her stomach churn. Not again, she thought. Aloud, she asked quickly, "Where's the bathroom?"
"Second door on the left," Bonnie's mom responded, pointing down the hall.
Elena turned and ran, barely making it to the toilet before heaving the contents of her stomach.
"Elena?" Bonnie appeared behind her, clearly worried.
"I'm fine, Bonnie," Elena said, hoping Bonnie would drop it but knowing that was really unlikely.
"This is the second time in two days the smell of food has sent you running for the bathroom. Maybe we should take you to the doctor."
"I already went to the doctor, Bonnie. I just have an upset stomach. It'll pass."
"I don't think a gynecologist really counts as a doctor. What if something went wrong because of the necklace? Or the trip to the past? First, your cycle. Now your stomach. I'm pretty sure human's aren't meant to die and come back to life."
Bonnie's mom's voice came from the hallway. "Maybe Elena would like to sit in the living room and eat some crackers."
"That sounds like a good idea," Elena responded. "Go sit down, Bonnie. I'll wash up and be there in a minute."
Bonnie nodded, worry lines still evident on her face.
As soon as Bonnie was gone, her mom stepped into the doorway of the bathroom. "If it is what I think it is, you know you can't hide it forever, right? Unless you're planning to..."
"No," Elena said, cutting her off. "I can't even imagine... I will tell her. I'm just trying to find the right time." She swished some water around her mouth, spit it out, and brushed past Bonnie's mom.
A minute later, Bonnie's mom joined them in the living room and handed Elena some crackers.
"Um," Bonnie hesitated. It seemed odd to ask her mom for advice. "Elena used a necklace to protect her from dying. That is a really long story, but the point is that she died and the necklace or possibly a spell her father used, brought her back. Do you think that could have caused lasting damage?"
Bonnie's mom caught Elena's gaze, her face sympathetic. "There is no time like the present."
Bonnie looked from Elena to her mom and back again.
"What's going on?"
Elena sighed, "I was going to tell you at the Grill yesterday, but you were worried about coming here and I wanted today to be about you, not me."
"No secrets, remember? Not even for a couple days. What is it?"
Elena turned to Bonnie's mom. "I went back in time in order to get the necklace. That is another long story. But that of course meant that I met the Salvatore brothers, back when they were human. I know them as vampires because they came to town about a year ago and have been helping. In fact, I have been dating Stefan Salvatore." Now that she had given Bonnie's mom the basic background details, she turned to Bonnie. "I need you to be understanding. I know you hate Damon, but he was different as a human. He was hurting but he wasn't bitter and angry. He reminded me of the witty, charming, funny, kind Damon that he was when he first came to town.
Bonnie cut her off, "You mean before he showed his true colors and we realized he was a violent, heartless murderer?"
Elena flinched at the venom in Bonnie's voice and looked away. She sighed, "You and I both know there is more to him than that. But the point I am trying to make is that 150 years of loneliness and heartache is what bred that side of him. In the past, he was loyal, caring, funny, and did I mention very, very charming?" She smiled a little. "It was so wonderful to know that as long as I didn't attract any undue attention or do anything that would irrevocably change history, I could say anything, do anything and there weren't any consequences because I would be the only one that remembered. There was no Klaus, I didn't have to wonder what would happen because I already knew the future. Seeing them as humans- it was so different and really enlightening. I was so tired of always being responsible, or worrying. I just wanted to do something just because I wanted to do it without thinking it to death." She paused and took a deep breath. "And I did. So I don't know how it happened or why because I didn't really think it through. Human Damon and I were taking a walk. We were laughing, his eyes were clear, unguarded. I thought about how Stefan and Katherine had been treating him that day, how they had paraded in front of him and how he let them with a smile fixed on his face. A man that could love so fully despite their behavior, despite his father's scorn, that could laugh and believe in the world through it all deserved better than what he was getting. He left the war because he hated the senseless loss of life. He told me, someone he barely knew, ..." she paused. "He deserved someone who could give him the world. And, for once, I went with my instinct and said to hell with my head. He was passionate and gentle and such a gentleman it was endearing. The world had shrunk to just us and for a while, everything was perfect." Her voice trailed off as she stared at nothing, lost in her memories.
Elena had painted the picture so well that Bonnie could actually picture Damon the way he had been. Surprisingly, she felt herself soften slightly towards him. Then she wondered what all of that had to do with Elena's illness. A moment later, the pieces clicked together. Damon had been human. And Elena had said he was "passionate" and "gentle." Which meant that... her jaw dropped open. "Oh my God. Please tell me you are not pregnant!"
. . .
At first, Bonnie and Caroline were at just as much of a loss as she was, but, as usual, they quickly rallied. As Caroline pointed out, if they could figure out how to survive when a vampire over a thousand years old is trying to kill them they can surely figure out something as simple as a pregnancy. Even if it was a teenage pregnancy that began over a hundred years ago with a man that is now dead. That was the hardest part for Elena. Bonnie and Caroline were great but she wished Damon was here. She missed his smile, his touch, his strength, she even missed fighting with him. Every day, Caroline got more excited, Bonnie a bit more accepting, and Elena a bit more troubled. The idea of raising a child on her own was so daunting. In the last year, she had spent many nights wondering if she would see the sunrise the next day, or the next week. Now, trying to see the future of not just herself but her child was unimaginable.
. . .
It had been six weeks since the doctor appointment and she was trying to be excited and happy. She was pushing through this tragedy just like she had all the others. It was just taking her a little longer as she fought against the depression that threatened to pull her under. And that was exactly what it felt like – a weight pulling her down, trying to drown her in its black depths.
That morning, she noticed that her stomach was rounder. As she had been running her hands over the baby bump, she was sure she had felt the baby move. The small flutter was enough to make her smile and, for the first time in a while, she felt happy. Now she was headed to the Grill to meet Caroline and Bonnie, determined to have a good time. On the way into the restaurant, she bumped into Stephanie, a girl she knew from English class last year.
"Hi, Elena! How are you doing?"
"Oh, um, I'm doing alright. Just meeting some friends for dinner. See you in class." Elena started to move around Stephanie when the other girl spoke again.
"You dated Stefan Salvatore last year, right?"
Elena stopped moving and looked at her, startled.
"I know its strange for me to ask but have you, you know, talked to him recently?"
Elena just stared at her. Why was she asking these questions?
"I, well, it's really none of my business, I know, but people have been talking about how he never came back to school this year, and then I literally ran into him today and he didn't look so good. I just... Everyone needs a friend, you know. There was something about his eyes... it's been bothering me, even though I didn't know him that well. I'm just one of those people, you know, I chase down every stray dog I find, trying to get it home to its owner, even if it means running around for hours. Anyway, I'm going to quit rambling now- I just thought I would mention it."
The next day found Elena driving to the boarding house. It was almost midnight. The thought of coming to the house, of being somewhere that would remind her so strongly of him, was overwhelming.
She pulled up in the driveway and felt her whole body freeze- she couldn't move, she couldn't even breathe. The idea that she would never again walk in the house to see Damon with a glass of bourbon and a half-smile just seemed so unreal. Her heart sped up and her hands began to shake. She couldn't do this. She could. Not. Do this. Her hand went to turn the key when she heard a scream from inside the house. She didn't think, she just jerked open her door, stumbled out of her car and ran to the front door. Throwing it open, she rushed into the house and, a moment later, stopped dead in her tracks as she took in the scene in the living room. There was a girl sprawled on the floor, her neck covered in blood, clothes torn, eyes open and unseeing. On the couch was a second girl, naked and screaming. Stefan was on top of her, riding her at a frantic pace with his teeth sunk into her neck. Every instinct in Elena's body screamed for her to run, to run and never look back. Instead, after a moment or two Elena felt her body unfreeze and she began to scream at Stefan.
Stefan instantly became eerily still as his head came up and his eyes trained on Elena. Then, with a sudden blur of motion, he slammed her back into the wall. His eyes were wild. Elena wasn't even sure that he knew who she was. She screamed again as Stefan sank his teeth into her shoulder. She yelled and shoved at his shoulders, but it was no use. She started running her hands over his back, his sides, through his hair, trying to calm him down. Over and over she repeated, "You have to stop, its me. It's Elena."
As she began getting dizzy, she pressed her body to his, "Please, Stefan, its me. Come on," her tone was desperate. She ran her hands over his sides to his belly. In the process, her wrist brushed the tip of his member and she jerked her hand up as Stefan abruptly pulled his head back. His eyes locked with Elena's. Suddenly, he picked her up and forced her legs around his waist. The next instant her shirt and bra were gone and he was burying his face in her chest, his hands running over every inch of her body that he could reach.
Elena was dizzy and having trouble figuring out what the hell was happening. "Stefan, you have to stop. What is wrong with you?" Her voice rose, both in volume and in pitch as panic took over. The fact that she didn't panic before this was simply a testament to how used to all the supernatural bullshit she was. But this situation was fast moving beyond her realm of experience.
Stefan growled and spun around, setting Elena on an end table and stripping off her jeans before she could even blink. His mouth crashed down on hers and she could taste her own blood on his tongue.
Stefan's hands slid beneath her butt and lifted her a few inches.
It was at that moment that Elena realized Stefan had removed her underwear at some point. Elena screamed bloody murder as her head began to spin and dark spots started floating through her vision. It was then that she quit thinking all together and began reacting on pure instinct, screaming, thrashing, digging her nails into Stefan's shoulders, and kicking her feet at any part of him she could reach. None of it seemed to phase Stefan at all, but when she sunk her teeth into Stefan's shoulder, it seemed to startle him and he moved back slightly. She took the opportunity to ram her knee into his groin.
She scrambled off the table and screamed, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"
His eyes widened and for the first time since she had arrived, his vampire features faded away. "Elena?" he sounded bewildered.
Elena snatched a blanket off the back of one of the chairs and wrapped it around herself, her fingers shaking. She drew strength from the anger running hot through her veins. "Since when are you drinking from humans again?" her voice still sounded shrill, "What are you thinking?!"
"I... I can't drink anything else. It's... impossible," he said, his voice strained. He'd spent the first week after the ritual in a hotel at the edge of town. He would have rather left town, but he can't until Klaus gives the go ahead. He never should have come back to the boarding house.
"You can't? What do you mean you can't?" Elena responded incredulously.
"You remember how Vicky couldn't remember who attacked her? And Caroline couldn't tell you what was going on with Damon?" his eyes were pleading with her to understand.
"Yeah, they were... wait, you have been compelled? Are you for freakin' serious?"
"I can't answer that," Stefan said.
"Of course not. So you're compelled by... let me guess, Klaus? And you can't drink anything but human blood and you can't give me any details. Same old, same old. It really never ends." By this point, she was more talking to herself than to anyone else. The anger had drained out of her, leaving a numb feeling in its wake.
"Elena..." Stefan took a step towards her and Elena flinched, staring at him for a moment before quickly averting her gaze again. "Could you," she gestured to the blanket wrapped around herself and then at him.
"Oh. Yeah.." He quickly retrieved another blanket and wrapped it around his hips. "Sorry."
Elena's mind was spinning. Every time she thought she had been through it all, something new came along. She was used to enemies attacking but to have Stefan turn on her. She couldn't quite wrap her mind around it, couldn't even try to figure out how the last few nightmarish minutes had even happened. It was like she was an outsider looking in at herself, shaking her head at the poor, broken girl standing wrapped in a blanket and covered in her own blood with dead women and a stand with an empty glass of bourbon as a backdrop.
Elena felt a hand on her elbow and jerked back. She had been so naïve. Stefan had turned on her in 1864 and now- well, Klaus hadn't compelled Stefan to attack her, only to drink human blood. Stefan's complete lack of control, the animal he became at the taste- that was his own failing. But, a little voice in the back of her head argued, there is a reason he keeps himself on an animal diet. He tries. Elena shook her head. There was no point in trying to make sense of her scattered thoughts just then. She'd sort them out when the shock wore off, when she had escaped this house, the memories, the demented ex, the ghost of his brother, the broken bodies of the women. And also after she had taken three showers, gotten dressed, drank herself into oblivion, and worked her way through her hangover. In that exact order.
She stood up. "What are you going to do, Stefan? You can't stay here, killing people."
"I'm going to leave town soon. I have to find another way to kill Klaus"
"Oh well, as long as you are in another town, killing someone else's family members, then that's just peachy," she knew she didn't sound at all like herself. She was not the kind of person to be sarcastic and unnecessarily cruel but as the bone-deep exhaustion sank in, she found that she really didn't care.
Stefan grimaced, "It's not ideal, I know, but someone has to stop him."
"What can I do?" More than anything, she wanted the Klaus nightmare to be behind her.
"The best thing you can do is just lay low. Klaus thinks you are dead. We need him to keep thinking that." Stefan's voice was fervent, "Do you understand? He cannot find out you are alive."
"Yeah." When he continued to stare at her intently, she nodded,"Yes, Stefan, I understand."
As she turned around to look for her clothes a thought occurred to her and she whipped back around. Looking intently into Stefan's eyes, she asked, "Stefan, where is Damon?"
Stefan's mind raced. He didn't want to get her hopes up. If he let on that Damon might still be alive, best case scenario she spends time searching, worrying that something bad might have happened, and possibly attracting Klaus' attention; worst case scenario, she does all that only to find out Katherine had let Damon die. But he also didn't want to lie to her. So he stalled while he tried to come up with a good answer. "What do you mean?"
"You said he was dead, but where is his body?"
"Katherine is the only one that knows. She was with him... in the end. I plan to track her down as soon as possible. She covers her tracks well, but I promise you that I will find her. And I will bring Damon home." Dead or alive, he would bring his brother home.
Elena nodded, swallowing hard.
"I'm sorry, Elena," Stefan said. He wished he could take the pain away, but he didn't have any real answers to give. He couldn't tell her that Damon was fine and coming home and he knew that's what she wanted to hear.
Elena nodded again and forced words past the lump in her throat. "It's okay. Not your fault. I should get home. Could I, um, borrow a shirt? At that moment, the girl on the coach stirred. Elena had thought she was dead and had steadfastly avoided looking at her bloody, naked form, but now she turned towards her. "You should help her, Stefan."
Stefan nodded and hurried over. Biting his wrist, he forced some of his blood down he girls throat. Then he compelled her, "You will get dressed and then will be driven home. You will remember going out to a bar, getting really drunk, going home with a guy who you had fun with, and being taken home in a taxi. You will not be concerned about the bites, you will keep them hidden, and you will tell no one about them."
He looked up at Elena. "I'll get you that shirt and then can you take her home?" his eyes pleaded with her and she knew he was afraid he'd kill the girl if Elena left her with him.
Elena nodded, "Of course." Then, while Stefan was upstairs, she climbed back into her jeans. Her underwear, shirt, and bra were completely ruined.
When Stefan came back, she took the shirt from him, turned away, and put it on. Then she picked her keys up off the floor. "So when are you planning to leave?"
At that moment, Stefan's phone rang. He retrieved it off one of the end tables. Klaus.
"Excuse me a moment. It's someone I called that may know where Katherine is." He quickly stepped out of the room.
Elena frowned. He was acting very strangely. Then she snorted. Of course he was. Considering. She started towards the hall, trying to listen to his conversation, but the girl chose that moment to start talking. "So is my taxi on its way?" she asked.
"Yes, it is," Elena answered.
Stefan came back in. "I might have a lead. I'm actually going to go pick up some stuff and then I'll be gone." He wrote something down on a piece of paper. "If, for whatever reason, you can't get a hold of me on my cell, leave a message at this number. It might take a few days, but I'll get it. Let me know if you find anything out about a way to kill Klaus. But make sure you don't attract attention."
Elena stared at him suspiciously, "Why wouldn't you have your phone?"
"Carrying something around with a GPS signal isn't always the best idea when trying to lay low. Most supernatural beings don't even think of using human means of tracking, but I can't be too careful." In reality, he just didn't want Klaus to hear him talking to a supposedly dead Elena.
She was still suspicious, but she nodded. Maybe she was just being paranoid. Not that she didn't have every right to be. The biggest problem she had with compulsion was that it made it impossible to know what was real.
"I do love you, Elena. And I am more sorry than I could ever express."
"I know, Stefan. You just have to learn how to stop. You have to want it enough. You need to find something that's more important than the bloodlust. Because until we can stop Klaus..."
"I know, Elena, I know. And I will try." He raised one hand and brushed his fingers across her cheek. When she flinched away from his touch, he grimaced and dropped his hand. "Just take care of yourself."
She nodded. "You too." She really just wanted to be as far from him as possible, a feeling that was foreign to her. Just a few months ago, she wanted nothing more than to be as close to him as possible.
"Stay low. It's the best thing you can do to keep everyone safe. I'll be back with answers as soon as I can." With that he left the room.
Elena keenly felt the loss of him. Not his presence, but the Stefan she knew. In the last few weeks, something had broken in both herself and in Stefan and she wasn't sure they would ever be completely whole again. One thing she knew for sure was that Stefan and Elena, the couple, was over. It would never be the same. She wasn't even entirely sure when that had happened, but it had. She shook her head. "Come on. Your taxi is here," Elena told the girl and helped her to her feet. As she closed the door to the boarding house behind her there was a sense of finality to it. The house held a lot of memories for her. It had been a lot of things for all of them over the last year. A safe haven, headquarters, Damon's lair, a place for stolen moments of peace with Stefan. Now it just felt empty. The world had moved on. Taking a deep breath, she stepped off the porch and left it all behind.