Chapter 18 Love affairs
The next week was the first week of my senior year of high school and it went by in a blur. Every time I fell asleep, I saw Damon and the dream ended the same way every time. Jeremy and Alaric were growing increasingly worried and I was growing increasingly exhausted as I avoided sleeping as much as possible.
By Thursday, I was falling asleep in class. I glanced up at the clock. It was almost lunchtime. I planned to go home and sleep. If I had a nightmare, at least no one would be around to notice. Reaching up, I played with the ring Damon had given me in 1864. I had strung it onto a necklace that morning. It somehow made me feel closer to him, brought me a little bit of peace.
When the bell rang, I got up and moved toward the door. As I walked out of the classroom, Jake stepped in front of me.
"Hey. Am I going to see you again tonight?" he asked.
I stared at him, my brain fuzzy from lack of sleep. "I don't remember us 'seeing each other' the first time, so how can I do it again?"
"At the bar?" he clarified, staring back at me quizzically.
"Oh. Oh. Umm... yeah, I guess." I could get some sleep while Jeremy and Alaric were gone, then leave and avoid their worried glances later in the evening.
Jake flashed me a smile. "Okay, cool."
. . .
Damon and I walked side by side, my arm linked through his. In front of us was a gazebo. "This is the place where we first made love."
"Yes, it is," he answered. Taking my hand, he pulled me inside. "I was so afraid to scare you off."
I laughed. "Are you still afraid?"
"I don't know. Should I be?"
I stepped forward, sliding my hands over his chest. "No. Never again. You know I would never want to be anywhere else. Truth is, I started to fall in love with you a long time ago. I was a coward then, easily frightened. But not now."
Damon leaned down and captured my lips with his and I thought that this must be what heaven was like. His fingertips gently traced my jaw before his hand slid into my hair. One hand cradled the back of my head while the other went to work on the buttons at the back of my dress.
I moaned as the bodice loosened and Damon slid his hand inside, his thumb flicking across my nipple. The hand holding my head dropped to my hips and pulled me closer. I rocked into him as he slid his lips over mine again and again.
Damon stepped away and I groaned in protest. He slipped off his jacket and laid it on the floor. Catching me to him, he gently lifted me and placed me on top of the coat. Lowering himself over me, he looked into my eyes. "Are you sure about this?" he asked, just like the first time we had done this.
"Absolutely," I responded, before pulling his mouth back to mine.
I jerked awake, thankful my alarm had woken me before the dream could turn sour. Sighing, I dragged a hand through my hair as I got out of bed. It was time to start dinner.
Thousands of miles away, Damon also jerked awake, unnerved by the dream he had been having. Generally, when he dreamed of 1864, he dreamed of Katherine. He was sure, though, that this had been Elena. He glanced at the clock. One thirty am. Shaking his head, he went back to sleep.
. . .
Six hours later, I was walking into the bar dressed in skinny jeans, knee high boots, and a shimmery gold top. It was a little early, but after an hour of awkward conversation over dinner, I had been ready to pull my hair out. That would have only confirmed Jeremy's suspicions that I was going crazy.
Sitting down, I ordered a coke. A few minutes later, a woman sat down next to me. She was dressed like a biker chick and she was at least 50 years old. She ordered a Bourbon on the rocks. Turning to me, she smiled. "I saw you here last week. You sang, right?"
"Yeah, I kinda got dragged on stage."
"Beautiful voice you got there, you know." As she spoke, a man walked up and wrapped his arm around her waist. He was dressed as a biker just like she was and was probably pushing sixty. "Don't you think she's got a voice on her, Joe?"
The man nodded. "Sure does." He winked. "That's all Anna Marie talked about the whole way home last week. Although that coulda been cause she drank one too many Bourbons. She tends to chatter when she drinks."
Anna Marie smacked him in the chest as she laughed. "I wish I could say he's exaggeratin', but my husband has been by my side for over forty years and Lord knows he knows me better than I do." She smiled at Joe, who leaned down and kissed her hard. They both laughed.
It hurt to watch them. They were so happy, carefree, obviously in love after so long. I wanted that. I wanted it so bad it hurt. At moments like these, I wished I could've said yes. I wished I could've stayed in 1864, married Damon, became a vampire, went on adventures. My hand travelled to the ring nestled between my breasts, twisting it in my fingers.
Anna Marie, Joe, and I started talking about how much music has changed over the years. Jake walked up in the middle of the discussion.
"Anna Marie, Joe, " he acknowledged with a nod before turning to Elena. "How are you doing?"
"Alright. You?"
"Fine. Looking forward to singing with you. We are singing together, right?"
It really was impossible to turn him down when he was beaming that ridiculously charming smile. "Yeah, yeah, okay." I laughed and, impossible as it seemed, his grin got bigger.
"Cool." Glancing over her shoulder, he grimaced, "I'll be back in a minute. Sophie's here and if I don't head her off she'll be over here talking your ear off. She really liked our performance." With that, he walked away, towards the door where Sophie was talking to a couple of men in suits.
The older woman smiled knowingly. "You couldn't do better."
"What?"
"I've known that boy a long time. He's a keeper."
"Oh. Oh, no. We're not, I mean. I'm not with anyone."
She nodded knowingly. "What happened?"
I began to think that, when talking with this woman, I should expect to be confused often. "Happened?" I echoed.
"To the last guy. I thought the ring you're wearing mighta belonged to your momma, but now I'm thinkin' different. You have that look. You know, the one that screams heartbreak."
"Anna Marie!" her husband admonished.
"What? Don't tell me you didn't see the look!"
"Of course I did, but that doesn't mean she wants to talk about it."
A reluctant smile tipped up one corner of my mouth. "His name was Damon. He was... definitely a keeper. But he died."
"Oh, sweetheart. That's awful. I'm so sorry."
I nodded and picked up my drink, wishing for at least the tenth time that month that I could have alcohol. As I looked over the rim of the glass and spotted Jake animatedly trying to reign Sophie in, one corner of my mouth tipped up again. My heart ached a little less every time I said his name. I would make it through this. That's what he would have wanted.
"You know," Anna Marie ventured. "There are romances that burn bright and burn out. Then there are the one or two in a lifetime that are everything you ever needed. But there are also the ones that are easy, gentle. They have the power to heal."
I stared at her for a moment, surprised at the eloquence of the other woman's speech. I glanced at Jake before dropping my gaze to the glass in my hand. "You might just be right about that."
"When you have lived as long as me, you'll realize there aren't any mights or maybes. There are ares and aren'ts that people are too afraid to face."
I laughed, startling myself with the sound. "I could've really used that advice a year ago, let me tell you."
"Could've's'll get you nowhere, honey. Use the advice now."
I smiled at Anna Marie, then turned my attention back to Jake. He seemed upset. "Excuse me. I'm going to go see what's going on," I told the couple, standing as I tipped my head towards Jake and Sophie. They were standing with their heads together, whispering furiously.
Setting my glass down, I walked over. "Hey, Jake. Everything okay?"
Sophie's head immediately turned towards me. "Talk sense into him. Two men from a major recording label are here to listen to him sing and he says he won't perform."
"You should have warned me that they were coming. I have nothing prepared."
"What about that song you were singing in the parking lot after school yesterday? It sounded amazing," I interjected.
"It's not ready," Jake replied stubbornly.
"Nothing is ever completely ready is it? We'll all die waiting for the perfect moment that doesn't exist." Damon had died while I agonized over how to tell him everything had changed. With that thought, I strode towards the stage. Jumping up on it, I told the DJ running the karyoke what I wanted.
A few moments later, the opening notes to "When I'm Gone" by 3 Doors Down drifted through the bar. "Let's go, Jake," I called. "You wouldn't leave me up here alone, would you?" I asked with a smile. Then I began to sing, the truth of the words showing in the emotion I poured into them:
"There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There're secrets in this life
That I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away...
Or maybe I'm just blind...
Jake's voice joined mine as he jumped on stage. We sang the chorus together. When we got to the next verse, I stopped singing and marvelled as Jake's voice gained strength, his passion for the song showing on his face.
I began singing with him again for the chorus, my thoughts once again on Damon.
"Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone
When I'm Gone
When I'm Gone
When I'm Gone"
As the last notes faded, Jake and I held each other's gazes. I didn't know what had happened to him, but there had obviously been something. In both songs we had sang, I could sense the pain rolling through him as he sang. Maybe he found the music as cathartic as I did. Jake took my hand and turned us both towards the crowd on the dance floor. We took a bow and then hurried off the stage.
Sophie rushed up to them. "That was wonderful. Perfect." The two men in suits I had seen talking with the manager earlier joined the group. "Gentlemen," Sophie said. "I told you he was good at what he does."
"What you didn't mention is how good she is at what she does," one of the men responded.
The other man turned to me. "We're hosting a music event in a few months and still have a couple of slots on the smaller stages to fill. Would you be interested?"
I stared at him in shock for a moment before shaking myself. "Are you serious? You just saw me sing one song in a karaoke bar."
"Quite frankly, you're beautiful, you have passion for what you sing, and your voice is superb. It's just a 20 minute slot on a side stage being a warm up for another group. We have plenty of headliners and tickets are already almost sold out. We would need you to send us a 3-4 song line-up. We can have a screen set up with the sound equipment that will show your lyrics, for some extra support. We'd want you to record yourself performing a song or two so we can confirm you are ready. If all that works, there isn't a lot of risk for us."
I turned to look at Jake. "It's up to you. I'm always up for a random adventure." I laughed a little at myself. That had been true of the Elena that came before the death of my parents, at least.
"We'll need to talk about more details, but yeah, it sounds like fun," Jake said.
A call was set up for a few days out to finalize details. Hands were shaken all around and the two men left.
Sophie smiled. "Okay, well, not the way I expected things to go, but still. Congratulations to both of you. You've gotten your foot in the door, which is the hardest part."
"Ok, yeah, thanks Sophie. I'm gonna head out though. I have an exam tomorrow." Jake's smile was bland.
"I'll head out with you," I told him, concern filling my face.
"No need. I'll see you tomorrow in class." With that, he turned and walked away. I headed over to the bar where my coat was still draped over the back of the bar stool.
"You make sure he's okay, you hear? He doesn't show it much, but he's been through a lot. He hurts. Just like you," Anna Marie told me.
My eyebrows drew together. "I thought he was upset because they offered me a demo and not him."
"It's not really my place, but his sister disappeared about a month ago. He hides it well, but she loved that song."
I grabbed my coat and purse before she finished speaking. "Thanks for telling me. It was nice to meet you." I quickly followed Jake out of the bar. I wasn't really sure what I was doing or why, I was just running on instinct. The pain on his face each time we sing together made her want to comfort him. Maybe because it was like looking in a mirror. "Jake!"
Jake turned as he opened his car door. "I'm really tired, Elena. I just want to go home."
"My fiance died." The look on Jake's face would have been comical in any other circumstance. In this case, though, I was too busy trying to figure out what the hell had compelled me to say that.
"You were engaged?"
"Uh. Sort of. He proposed. I didn't answer. Then he forgot- that's a long story. And before I had even figured out what to do, he died."
Jake nodded, but his mind was obviously elsewhere. "What happened with your sister?" I asked.
His eyebrows rose in surprise, but then his shoulders slumped. He looked so miserable, I frantically searched for anything I could say to make him feel better. Before I could think of anything, though, he turned away. "You wouldn't believe me even if I told you."
I walked around him so that I could face him. Laying my hand on his chest, I urged, "Try me." When he didn't say anything, I sighed, stepping back. "You might think I am crazy, but I believe in magic and ghosts and other crazy things, so there isn't anything you could tell me that would surprise me. Unless you're going to say aliens are invading."
"What would you say if I told you I believe in vampires?"
I stared at him for a moment before I burst out laughing. "I'm sorry," I gasped out. "I just," I tried to control the laughter. "No, wait," I called out as Jake walked away. Getting myself under control, I revealed, "He was a vampire."
Jake stopped and I continued, "The would-be fiance. He was a vampire. Died of a werewolf bite."
Jake spun around. "Are you serious?"
"Absolutely."
"My sister's a vampire. My parents just think she disappeared."
"Why did she leave?"
"She hasn't learned to control things yet and she's afraid to hurt them. I only know because I caught her leaving the house, bag packed. I tried to stop her and she attacked. She apologized later. She's trying, she is, she just," I placed a finger over his mouth. "You don't need to defend her to me, Jake."
Jake fell silent, watching me. Our faces were only about six inches apart. "How is it that five minutes ago I felt like there was no one in the world that could possibly understand what my life is like and now, I feel like I've found a life line that can hold me up as the ship sinks?" he whispered.
I shook my head. "I can't be your life line. I am barely floating myself."
"Then why don't we just work on keeping each other afloat?" he answered as he leaned down and suddenly kissed me.
For just a moment, it felt like time stood still, but then I jerked back, my hand flying to the ring hanging around my neck.
"I'm sorry," Jake said quickly.
"Don't. Don't apologize. I just, I'm not there yet. You know, Anna Marie was talking about romances that are made to be epic love affairs and the more easy-going type. I can't handle any epic love affairs. But the other kind- I might be able to handle the other kind, I don't know. Just not right this second." I paused, trying to gather my scattered thoughts. "I'm not even making any sense, am I?"
"Actually, you're making a lot of sense. Anna Marie has some interesting views on life. We actually talked about this once. As long as no one wants more than the other can give, it can be nice to have someone to kiss and hold. Friends try to comfort you, but sometimes it's just not enough."
I have no idea why the hell I am having this conversation. This is crazy. My gaze dropped to his mouth, but I quickly shifted my attention back to his eyes. "I'm still too in love with Damon to even think of loving someone else. I'm just lonely, you know? My friends try, but they just," I let my voice trail off. I fished my keys out of my purse. "I need to get home. I'll see you in class tomorrow, okay?"
Jake pulled me into a hug. I stood stiff for a moment, then I tucked myself closer to his body, letting his arms pull tight and shut out the world, just for a minute. Too soon, he pulled back. "Drive safe."
I nodded and, turning away, I walked to my car.