Vipers, Nights, and French Fries

by ThisIsARealAccount

The war for Humanity's autonomy is over, the alien despots of Advent have been overthrown by Xcom and a new age is on the horizon. However, world changing events do not occur without a price. Power vacuums were created in Advent's absence, their alien pawns, once completely under control, now have found their own autonomy. a young man, from humble beginnings, can NOT fix this.

5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I got up the next morning and jumped out of bed easier than I had in the last two months. Today, I was filled with purpose. My mission was to get I.A. Day off by any means necessary. There was no level I would not stoop - to beat that bitch.

I made plans of what I could do as I nuked a shitty frozen breakfast burrito and ate it. Barely anything came to mind. Only thing was: I figured I could do some cleaning whenever there was downtime and show up earlier for my shift. Maybe mop the floor or somethin'. Seemed easy enough, and I knew where the supply closet was. I'd never mopped anything in my life, but how hard could it be?

I chugged a bottle of pop while I walked to work. As I walked in and tossed the empty glass bottle in the recycle bin, I saw Tay mopping the dining room. She was maneuvering it back and forth in fluid strokes and slithering backwards matching the motion of the mop but in reverse. Vipers can move backwards? The door closed behind me with an audible thud, which caught her attention. She looked up at me and smirked, her blue reptilian eyes overflowing with cockyness. Ignoring her, I clocked into work. Guess I'll have to figure something else out.

My shift started off as any other day: busy as hell. Tay focused on her work, but occasionally, when she was caught up, I'd see her slink off somewhere, go into the office, and come back to her station. All while I was struggling to keep up with fries. I had a few ideas, but I wasn't sure what exactly she was doing until I saw her go into the office after she went outside to take the garbage to the dumpster. She's doing shit and reporting it to Mark? Fuck. How many times has she gone in there so far... four times? The day's not even half over yet and she's ahead of me. I thought of a task that I knew she would never do, but I had hoped it wouldn't come to this.

She slithered back to her workstation looking confident.

I had to match her confidence, so she wouldn't think she was ahead of me. "Sucking up to the boss?" I asked her, chuckling.

She snorted and threw some frozen burger patties on the griddle aggressively. "Wouldn't you like to know, dipshit."

I started packing a fry box and smirked. "I already know. You've been going into Mark's office a lot today. You're a lot of things, but I never pegged you as a kissass."

She gripped the handle of the grill press hard enough to make her knuckles pop and pushed it down, looking at me with a scowl. "I... I'm just doing what's required to get I.A. day off." She gestured to me and sneered. "I haven't seen you do anything today except struggle with fries. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you've already given up."

Shit, she noticed. "Ahh, you got me; I gave up. You can stop doing extra work now." I said sarcastically.

She looked unfazed. "My point stands. You're just wasting your time and my time by refusing to accept the inevitable. I'm getting that day off." She crossed her arms. "Always have, always will."

"Tough talk, but can you keep this up? I mean you're talking to a guy who worked construction. You don't realize who you're up against."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm perfectly aware who I'm up against, dipshit." She turned away from me to cook up some turkey nuggets at the fryer in the back.

As the conversation ended and she got back to work I realized that she had been calling me dipshit a lot lately. Kinda weird she's settled on one insult. Maybe she thinks it's the worst thing that she can call me?

Eventually, I got caught up on fries, and there wasn't anyone in the drivethru. So, I had some downtime. I walked out of the kitchen and past some tables to the corner of the dining room behind the front counter. There I stood before two doors that were proverbial gateways to hell. The sign above them printed in bold letters read restrooms. This was it, my ace in the hole, I knew Tay was too proud to clean a bathroom. But, man - was this gonna suck. I braced myself as I pushed open the door to the men's restroom.

My nose was bombarded with the smell of cheap fruity air freshener with just a hint of shit and stale piss mixed in. The sink and mirrors were speckled with water stains. The urinals were covered with piss and so was the floor under them. I checked the stalls. The toilets weren't that bad, some skidmarks in the first one I checked. And, it looked like someone stomped around while wearing muddy boots in the other one. At least, I was pretty sure it was mud. About what I expected.

I started with the floor, mopping up all the... what I hoped was mud and around the urinals. Took like 30 seconds tops for me to get a handle on the mop wringer. Once I was done there, I threw down a wet floor sign and started work on the mirrors. Wiped those down with a rag and whatever was in the spray bottle that had mirrors and windows written on it with black marker. I wiped off the sink with the same rag and a different bottle of cleaner. Scrubbed the toilets with the toilet brush and the urinals too. It felt like I had been in there for a while but after I checked my phone, I realized it had only been 10 minutes.

I was feeling good after that, so I took care of the trash too before peeking out the windows to see if the drivethru was still empty. It was. So, I knocked on the women's bathroom to make sure no one was in there before going in and, my God, I was not prepared for the horrors I would meet.

Striding in confidently, I figured the men's restroom would be way dirtier than the women's, but boy was I wrong. There were little trashcans in the stalls that looked like a biohazard risk, one had blood smeared on it. One of the toilets... Well, to be blunt, it looked like some broad took a shit six inches above the seat, spraying the stall walls and the toilet seat with mud.

I gagged, covering my nose with my arm as I stumbled backwards out of the stall. "Fuck." I muttered to myself. "What the fuck is wrong with these bitches?"

It sure was a surprise to find the women's bathroom in a more foul state than the men's. I vacated the women's bathroom to get some fresh air, but it was too late, the smell was already burned into my fucking brain. The door didn't fully close as I left, it remained cracked open, as if to beckon me back into the miasma. I still had a chance to back out, go back to my fries, and pretend I didn't see anything. Is getting I.A. day off worth cleaning up actual shit? I'd had to wade my way through a lot of bullshit working construction, but I think this would take the cake as the most disgusting thing I've ever done.

Time to put on your big boy pants, Vince. Only way I'll beat that snake is by doing the jobs she won't. She's probably just doing a bunch of easy shit. If I do something that sucks as much as this I'll stand out more; hard work always pays off, right? I wouldn't find an answer standing beside the supply closet. My destiny awaited me in the women's restroom. I threw on a pair of latex gloves. God, I hope this ends up being worth it. Armed with a bottle of bleach and a few rags, I pressed forward into that cesspit of a bathroom.

When all was said and done, I had cleaned the bathroom, but there was a price I had paid. Though I washed my hands of its taint, cleaning that stall had taken something from me; a piece of my innocence I'd never get back. Maybe someday, years into the future, I might be at peace with what was lost this day. I walked into the kitchen, Tay watched me out of the corner of her eyes as I passed her and opened the door to Mark's office. It felt awkward walking in to report on what I did, but Tay had been doing it all afternoon.

Mark was busy typing on the computer when I entered. "Ey, Mark." He looked up at me silently. "I cleaned the bathrooms."

"Oh, thank you." His voice was tempered with mild surprise.

"Yea, you shoulda seen it. It was like a warzone. Some broad shit on the wall."

He raised his eyebrows and looked relieved. "Seriously, Vince, thanks. If there's nothing else, you should get back to work."

Spose' I'm an idiot for expecting something more. I shrugged, said "aight," and walked back to my station, smirking at Tay as I walked by.

As the shift went on I was feeling pretty good about cleaning the bathroom. Then Tay went into Mark's office a couple more times. Eventually, he left for the night, and I was getting the vibe I had lost the battle today. Tay had gone in there like ten times and I had only done one thing. I still had one more day before the weekend, maybe I'd do better tomorrow.

The next day didn't pan out much better. I felt like I was fumbling around trying to compete with her. I mopped the floor and cleaned up the dining room, but it still didn't feel like enough. Luckily, the weekend rolled around and bailed me out. I'd have plenty of time to think about what I could do. I had settled into a game of Heroism: Medieval Warfare with the boys to take my mind off my shortcomings.

I saw an arrow fly past my character and headshot Ray. "Quit being an archer, vro. We are doing a deathmatch." Ray growled.

Dan chuckled. "If you have a problem with it, why don't you switch to archer."

"If I wanted to shoot at dudes with ranged weapons I would've put my vote in for Call of Duty."

"Vince is an archer too. I think you're playing favorites."

"Yeah, but he's doing the sling bit. He'll get bored and switch after I kill him a few more times."

I chuckled as I beamed Dan's character in the face with a rock. "I'm getting better at it, assholes. Just wait until I unlock the lead ball upgrade, then you'll all bow before the might of the almighty sling."

"Only person that'll bow is you when I get done kneecapping you with my mace," Josh said as he rushed me.

"Ah, shit. How'd you sneak up on me?"

"Never turn your back to the enemy, bitch."

Ray cleared his throat. "So, Vince. You uh, message any of those girls yet?"

"Uhh... One sec." I finished my 1v1 with Josh before I could think. "Not, yet... but I'm going to."

"Alll right, dude." He said that with a tone that implied he didn't believe me. "Ooo, maybe you should text one when we take a break."

Josh snickered. "We could take a break right now."

Anxiety pricked the back of my mind. Man, I really don't want to text anyone. "Ermm, not right now. I'm... really into our deathmatch."

"I'm actually getting a little bored, and I haven't had dinner yet. Might be the perfect time for a break." Dan said.

Ray ended the match. "Come on, Vince. It'll be fun, I can even help you decide what to say. I've got a degree in rizzonomics."

"Yeah, you're not a lil' bitch are you?" Josh asked.

"I'm going to heat up some pizza." I heard Dan stand up from his desk in the voice chat. "Don't listen to them, Vince. Text those girls when you think the time is right."

After Dan left I thought for a few moments. "Ah fuck it, fine. Which chick should I text?"

"Pick one you think'll actually respond," Ray said. "I'd feel just as bummed as you would if we got yo ass to text a girl and she didn't respond."

I chuckled. "I'm not expecting much, it's fuckin 8pm, what girl is gonna respond this late?"

"The right one. Text the sextoid!" "Josh suggested.

"What is with your obsession with the sextoid, dude? I'd almost think you were the one that wanted to date her."

For once, something I said got Josh to shut his trap for a moment. "No... it's just, well... You're the one who likes the snake aliens so much, and she's an alien, so they're in the same category."

I laughed. "Ssssuuuuuure. Alright fuck it, sextoid it is. What should I say?"

"Just probe her a little, dude. Reintroduce yourself, and say something like: hey, it's the guy you gave your number to at Hot Topic. You up, lol?. Or, something like that."

"I don't know, maybe I should just send her a picture of my balls. Girls like that, right?"

Josh and Ray burst out laughing. I heard Dan pick up his headset. "What are you guys laughing about?"

Ray slowed down his laughter for a moment. "Oh, nothin'... Vince is gonna send the sextoid a picture of his balls."

"What?" He sounded genuinely confused.

"I'm not actually gonna send her a picture of my balls, Dan. I was joking."

"Oh, hehe, good one."

"I think I'll just send what you said, Ray. Not like she's actually gonna respond anyway..." I picked my phone up from my desk and started typing up the message. Anxiety crept up my spine when I had fully typed it out. The first thing she sent to me, that cutesy little Hai :3,may as well have been fuck you with how nervous I was feeling. My thumb hovered over the send button for a few moments before I could work up the courage to push it.

"Did you send it?" Ray asked.

"Yea... I sent it. Like I was saying, she's not gonna... Holy shit!"

"What?" All three of my friends asked at once.

"She - she, read the message. Already? It told me she read the message... Hooooooly fuck. Ho-ly fuck, she's typing. Ray, she - is - typing! W-what do I do?"

He laughed. "Chill the fuck out man, we don't know what she's said yet," Ray said, attempting to calm me down.

Josh chuckled. "Maybe she's gonna ask for a picture of your balls."

"Shut up, Josh. Or I'll send you a picture of my balls."

"Ain't that what homies are for? Free scrote pics?"

"Shh-shhhhh. She just sent the fookin message." It read: Yeah I'm up, I'm not some grandma that goes to bed at 7, lol. R u that guy that liked Space Banditz?

"What'd she say?" Ray asked.

"She's asking me if I'm the guy that liked space banditz."

"Tell her you are, dude."

"I know, I know. Give me a second I'm thinking." I started typing: Lol, that's me. What r u up 2?

I saw the three blinking dots that indicated she was typing back. Nothin :p Watching anime and eating some noodles. Whatchu doin? "Oh fuck she asked me what I'm doing..."

"Well... do not tell her you're talking to us," Dan said with a chuckle.

"I'm not that stupid, vro." I'm hanging out. Just finished up playing a game with some friends. I waited for her response.

Video game or board game?

Video game. It's a medieval combat game. You fight with swords n shit.

That sounds fun.

She didn't add anything else to her message and I realized I had to keep the conversation going. So I messaged her: What anime r u watchin?

Some corny high school slice-of-life show. It's not that great, thinking about watching something else tbh.

Josh butted in again. "What's she saying?"

"We're just, uhh, talking. Nothing really interesting is happening."

"You know what you have to do, Vince," Ray stated.

"No, what?"

"You gotta meet up with her." He sounded serious.

"Like, right now? I've barely talked to her."

"Listen, dude. She's talking to you, so she's interested in talking more. You can't really get to know someone through text. You gotta... experience her IRL talk face-to-face. You know?"

I groaned. "Yea, cuz that went so well the last time I did it. It'll probably work out better if I never meet up with her."

"Don't be like that, dude. You went on one date with one girl who turned out to be a bitch. This is a completely different girl. Shit, I mean, she's not even the same freaking species as Sammy, dude."

"I don't know, man. I... I barely know her. What if I don't like her, what if she hates me?"

"Then the sooner you both figure that out the better, dude. You can't just keep throwing out ifs and buts. If you want to get to know this girl, then get to know her. Don't just sit on the sidelines while she gets bored with you."

Dan cut into the conversation. "You shouldn't rush into anything, Vince. However, Ray is mostly correct. You've already spoken to her in person. So, what are you scared of?"

"I'm just nervous, I guess. And, I don't have time for anything during the week, and all I want to do on the weekends is sleep."

"Just pound some coffee and invite her to something easy on the weekend, dude. Do something simple. I'm not gonna, like, force you. But, maybe you'll end up really jiving with this girl."

"I might, just... let me text her, Ray. Put on a movie or something and let me think."

"Alright, man. Dan, you got anything downloaded?"

"I found a low-quality rip of an old American movie about a cyborg," Dan said.

"What's it called?"

"Robocop... I think. The file text is in cyrillic for some reason, so I won't know for sure until I run it."

"Did you scan it?"

"Yes, it said the file was clean."

"You hear that? Me neither, start streaming." Josh jokingly exclaimed.

"You cool with Robocop, Vince?" Dan asked.

I looked up from my phone. "Man, I'm preoccupied. I don't give a shit about robocop. I hope he gets his arms and legs blown off with a shotgun."

"He didn't say no. Hit play!" Josh yelled.

I stopped paying attention to their conversation as I focused back on texting with Thorn. I'm not a fan of slice-of-life either. You ever hear of Massachusetts Assassin Quest? It's not technically an anime because it was made in the old US, but it's pretty funny. I was worried she might've lost interest in our conversation because I didn't message her back quickly.

She didn't respond right away, but I didn't have to wait long. Nope, but the name sounds funny. Maybe I'll check it out rn. What's it about?

It's about this contract killer that works for a shadowy organization, kinda plays out like a dark comedy. He's low in the organization and ends up learning something he shouldn't and that's when things really get interesting. I'd say more, but spoilers.

That sounds awesome, I'm sold. If it ends up being good maybe I'll ask u for more recommendations :3

The cat emoticon... My heart raced and I felt my chest warm up. This conversation was going somewhere. I got an idea of what to say, but I wasn't sure if I had the strength to send it. I quickly typed: Lol. Maybe we could watch it together sometime. Like ripping off a bandaid, I closed my eyes and hit send immediately.

The seconds that passed felt like hours, but I got a response. I'd like that, I don't have anyone to watch anime with. My roommate thinks it's annoying. We should hang out sometime ;3

A WINKY smile!? I was in shock staring at the message and thought to myself. Did I really have rizz? I had to keep going. I'd made it this far and if I didn't plan something now, us meeting up would never spontaneously happen. Are you doing anything this weekend? We could hang out.

(~) oof. I'm busy this weekend. We could do something during the week.

I work nights, so unless you want to sleep together, that probably wouldn't work.

(0-0) lmao, weekends it is... How about the weekend after next? I hadn't realized the connotations of what I said until I read her message. I meant for it to be a joke about having a slumber party, but it came out all wrong. At least she took it in stride. Still felt like a fuckin' retard.

Sure, I can get up in the afternoon, but I'll have to chug some coffee. What do you want to do?

That's perfect. There's this little coffee shop I go to all the time, we can meet up there.

Sounds good to me. Never been to a coffee shop before.

It's a date, I'll txt u the deets. See you then, cutie ;3

The realization that I had just planned a legit date hit me and my phone slipped out of my hand. As it clattered on one of the legs of my chair my friends' conversation came back into focus.

"...dude, dude. Dude? Vince?" Ray's voice cut through the sounds of the movie.

"Huh, yea? How's the movie?"

"It's fine. You, uh, drop something?"

"Yea, I dropped my phone."

He was silent for a few moments. "How's the convo going?"

"Great, I just planned a coffee date with her."

"Dude, that's awesome."

"Nice work," Dan said.

"Hope it goes well," Josh said.

"Well, it won't be for a couple weeks. She said she'd text me the time. If only getting I.A. day off was this easy."

Josh chuckled. "Vro, just, like, call in sick. It's not like they can say no."

I sighed. "Yea, I guess I could. But, I don't hate Ash and Carlos. If I just give up, then she's gonna get the day off and they're gonna be fucked when I call in. I have to try."

"If she's coming in early and doing shit, then that's cheating. You know what you have to do, you have to not play fair too." I heard him lean back in his chair and rub his hands together.

"You mean sabotaging her?"

He laughed maniacally. "Yes, my friend, subterfuge."

I considered what Josh said. I was out of my element, and losing against Tay hard. She had worked there who knows how many years. There's no way I'd be able to do more dumb bullshit to impress my manager than her. Not without some help because I didn't even know what I could do. But, she is a war criminal. She could do something crazy if I piss her off too much...

My thoughts were interrupted by Dan. "You can't do that, Vince. What if you get in trouble, or fired? Won't the Labor Allocation Program punish you?"

"It's my first time through. I'm sure they'd let me off the hook if I got fired. What's putting me off is wondering how the war criminal will react..."

"Just report her to Xcom. You have to get that day off, dude." Ray interjected.

"I don't have any evidence, dumbass. I can't just report her for no reason. Annnnd, I'm not sure I wanna know what happens if she finds out I reported her. You might hear about how I ended up dead in a ditch on the news."

"Vince is right guys. If he doesn't get the day off it's no big deal. Cheating is not worth it." Dan said, attempting to be supportive.

"Thennnn againnnn... I don't really care what that snake thinks of me, and seeing the look on her face after I win the contest would make the risk worth it. I think she deserves to take a major L."

I heard Josh cackle maniacally. "Yes, YES! Give in to the dark side, Vince. Let the deviousness flow through you and guide your actions."

I thought about it some more. "Fuck it! I'm cheating. Help me figure out what to do, guys."

"Yessssssssssss!" Josh and Ray cheered.

As we watched Robocop, my friends and I schemed. Dan mostly stayed out of it but chimed in when he thought an idea was too dangerous, or wouldn't work. Later into the movie, while the villainous gangsters were being taken out, I made the suggestion that I could dump a vat of acid on her, to everyone's amusement.

I had gathered a lot of good ideas to decrease Tay's productivity and get her into trouble. I might actually have a shot at winning this stupid contest. The next day, Sunday, was my last day before I had to go back to work. I spent some of my time investigating Thorn and sectoids in general. I wasn't finding much useful information by searching "sectoid with tits" on the internet. So, I figured I'd try asking the Xeno thread on #Chan that I frequented.

I made a post with a cute picture of sectoid art and the words: I ran into a weird sectoid recently. It had tits and an ass, like a girl. It even sounded like a girl. Has anyone else ever heard of a sectoid like this before, or seen one?

I decided to boot up a game for a bit while I waited for responses, but as soon as I started playing, the (you)'s began to roll in.

Big if true

Advent used resources to secretly create sectoid bimbos

doesn't share them with us or use them at all

No wonder these assholes lost the war

Do you have any pics of her?

What fucking city do you live in? I need to know where this bitch is right now

If you don't impregnate her anon, I WILL

Guys, a sectoid with a fat tits just flew over my house

You better have gotten her number

If you're not trolling, either plastic surgery or gene splicing. Never seen that before.

girl sectoid with an ass

ponder the aroma

I got a lot of responses, most were funny, but none of them were very helpful. The only conclusion I could come to was what Dan had already told me: she was a unique sectoid. One response stood out to me. Why don't you just ask her, if this isn't bait? It was a fair point, any question I could come up with could probably be answered by her. But, then again, can I really just walk up to her and ask why she has an ass? Gonna need to go back to the drawing board on this.

The next day I woke up with a plan ready to execute. See, we've got a washing machine at McDougalls, right next to the dish washing sink, perfect for what I had in mind. All they use it for is to wash towels and rags and shit. Tay typically starts up a load of towels a couple hours into my shift, so all I had to do was set a trap and wait.

As I walked into McDougalls and clocked in, I was stopped by Ash, who had just finished taking some construction worker's order. "Hey dude, how was your weekend?"

"Eh fine, Just hung out and gamed. And you?"

"Same... So, how you feeling with fries? You've worked fast enough, even when we get slammed."

"I'm feeling like I got a handle on things. Why?"

"Well, I was thinking I should start training you on how to put together orders this week. It's not hard." He chuckled. "Like every job here it won't take more than two brain cells to learn."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Sure, yea, sounds good."

I started to try to slip past him to set my trap, but he stopped me before I walked by. "Oh, I should mention I'm gonna be getting a cavity filled next Thursday, so I won't be here."

I nodded. "Ok."

He could tell I needed some more elaboration. "Which means you'll probably be handing out orders and taking them and Tay will do fries."

"So, I should really pay attention and not think about Beast Hunter World or big jugs when you're teaching me?"

He laughed and gave me a thumbs-up. "Exactly." After he said that he turned to face the counter and let me go.

Speaking of big jugs, I had to pass by Tay to get to the washing machine. Typically we never really conversed if we didn't have to. However, today she said, "Mooornin, dipshit." as she shifted her tail out of the way so I could walk down the aisle.

I looked at her to confirm that she had actually spoken to me and sure enough, I saw her smirking face. "Uhhh, yea. Ditto." She's just teasing me because she knew she was winning. We'll see who's the dipshit in a couple hours.

On my way to the washing machine, I saw Carlos was busy working the fryers in the back that we cooked fish and turkey nuggets in. Perfect. Everyone's busy.

I turned to the right before the manager's office and there, in between the rack that held the soda fountain syrup boxes and the dish washing sink, was the washing machine. I crept over and opened the top. It had already been filled with a lot of dirty rags, but it hadn't been started. No one on dayshift ever did tasks like this if they could get away with ignoring them. Right on the sink sat a big blue plastic bottle of dish soap. I knew what was going to happen if I did this, and if it was bad enough I could be fired if Mark found out I did it intentionally.

I looked around to make sure no one was watching and that there were no cameras. With my secrecy confirmed, I peeled back a layer of the rags and set them in a corner of the washing machine. Then, I grabbed the dish soap and squirted it all over the dirty rags; I was generous, squiggling that soap around like I was putting mustard on a hotdog.

A thought crossed my mind as I set the soap back on the sink and covered up my handiwork with the unsoaped rags I had set aside. I could've just washed the rags normally and gotten some points for it. But, it was too late, I had already done it. Nothing left to do but wait for the results.

As I walked back to my station and passed Tay, I felt like a fuckin' chad. Giddy with excitement, my heart raced. There was a chance I could get caught, a chance I could get in serious trouble. I'd pulled pranks before, but I'd never really done something so downright devious. I wasn't sure how to feel. On one hand, I was happy because I pulled off my part and Tay was gonna get her just desserts for being such a bitch. On the other hand, I somehow felt a sliver of regret... I gotta toss this shit, don't need no baggage. Not like she would feel bad doing this to me.

I worked on fries for a couple hours until we had enough of a drop in customers for Ash to start teaching me about bagging orders.

"...look at the screen here, see all the boxes on it with food?"Ash asked me as he gestured to an old computer screen above where Tay slid the burgers down.

"Yea, I see it."

"It's very similar to the one above the fry station, except this one tells you the whole order." He pointed at one of the boxes. "Every box is an order. The bigger the order the bigger the box is. Ideally, we want to fit as much as we can into a bag, but we also don't want to overload it so the bag rips. Obviously, we don't want to smash the customer's food either. So if you're ever unsure, always go with a bigger bag."

"Gotcha."

"Alright, see here. I've got an order for two McAdiquate Kids meals both with fries. One with the boy toy gets a hamburger, nothing on it, one with the girl toy gets six turkey nuggets with ranch. There's also a spicy Chicken McDougall sandwich meal, no pickles, in this order."

I nodded to show him I saw what he meant.

"The trick here is to read the computer screen. And I mean really read it." He said with a laugh. "Dude, towards the end of your shift the letters are gonna blend together. Always double-check, and in the case of this order, we really want to double-check. The woman was a dick when I took her order. You taking a few seconds to double-check the order can mean the difference between never seeing that bitch again, or her coming in here and making our lives miserable."

I chuckled. "Did she actually sound like a bitch?"

He smiled and nodded. "Oh, big time."

He gestured to two stacks of colorful boxes by the counter. "These are for the kids meals, the stack on the left has boy toys, stack on the right has girl toys." He brought over one of each type to the counter. "Grab me two kids fries and a medium fry from the warmer."

I listened to him and grabbed them. He took them from me and set them in the boxes next to the cheap plastic toys. Then he pulled out a bag, threw some napkins in it, and set the medium fry in. He tossed a box of nuggets and a hamburger into their proper boxes. There were a bunch of wrapped sandwiches sitting on the assembly line ready to go, but he didn't grab any of them. Instead, he looked back in the kitchen and yelled. "Hey Tay, where's my spicy chicken sandwich?"

"I'm dressing it." She responded in a frustrated tone. A few seconds later, it was slid down the counter to Ash.

He grabbed it and set it in the bag. "Get the drinks ready."

"Sure." I walked over to the drink machine by the drivethru window and grabbed a few lids. The drinks were filled automatically by a machine when the orders came in, so all I had to do was put plastic lids on them and stick them in one of those paper drink-carrying things.

As I set the drinks by the window I saw an asian woman in a blue suit pull up in a spotless beige SUV. It's rare to see a car that pristine, which meant the person driving it had money, or that was the only nice thing they owned. Since she was wearing a nice suit, that made it two nice things that I could see she owned. Which meant she had money.

I must've stared too long because she impatiently hissed. "Are you going to hand me my drinks?" With a tone that heavily implied I was below her, and having heard that, I agreed with Ash's verdict: she seemed like a bitch.

"Oh, yea, sorry," I said as I handed her the drinks.

She took it from me and blew air out her nose to show annoyance as she set it on the empty passenger seat.

I went back over to Ash and he handed me the two kids meal boxes and the bag. "Hand these to her and tell her to have a good evening."

I walked back and passed them to the woman through the window. "Here you go. Have a great night." I said.

She didn't respond, instead, she ripped open the bag and kids meals and sifted through them. After a few moments of doing that, she looked up and said, "You too," before driving off.

I slid the drivethru window closed and turned around to look at Ash, who wiped an invisible tear from his eye. "What a beautiful performance, my apprentice. You gave her the food and I almost believed you actually wanted her to have a great night."

I shrugged. "Ey, think I might win an acting award?"

Just before he responded, I heard Mark yell from the kitchen. "Tay! What kind of soap did you use?"

My heart raced, both Ash and I walked into the kitchen to see what was going on.

I couldn't see Tay's expression because she was facing away from me, but her hood was stiff. "What? The same stuff I always use. The stuff in the cabinet." She spoke slowly, confusion leaking from each word.

"You did something wrong, the washer's a mess," Mark stated matter of factly. "Come look."

Tay slithered towards him, Ash and I followed closely behind. The fact Mark was calling her out meant that not only had she started the wash, but she also told him right after she did it. I had to hide my smile, this couldn't've gone better.

The washing machine wasn't running anymore. White foam leaked out from the lid and dripped onto the floor, adding to a substantial pile of foam that had formed at the base of the washer. He opened the top and the whole inside was completely covered with foam.

Christ, it looks like someone creampied the washer. I had to keep that thought to myself and hide my smile.

Tay sounded even more confused now. "What the hell? I swear Mark, I used the same powder that I always use." She looked all over the top of the washer. "Maybe something broke?"

Mark frowned. "Oh, I guarantee something's broken in that washer now. And there's a mess to clean up on top of it."

She looked back at him. "I'm sorry... I-I don't know what I did." Her apology sounded genuine.

He sighed. "We're busy tonight so stay on the grill; I'll clean this up. Be more careful next time, Tay."

The more he chastised her the more I noticed her body was tightening up. Her tail was in a squiggle pattern and the empty space in between was disappearing. "Yes. I'll try."

Mark seemed satisfied with her response and walked past us back to his office.

Tay stood there in silence for a moment before looking around the room. Her head turned in the direction of the dish soap.

Oh shit. I couldn't see her eyes, but I could tell she was looking at it.

Then she suddenly turned to look at Ash and me. "What are you two assholes looking at? Go away." She sounded angry at first and then her energy petered out.

We didn't wait for her to say it again. We went back to work. For the rest of the night, Tay grumbled to herself, muttering things under her breath. I was almost certain she knew someone had fucked with her, but maybe she hadn't figured out it was me yet. I was sure I'd find out soon enough.

When there was about an hour left of my shift we stopped working and started cleaning up and doing the weekly change out of the grease. The grease we used, I didn't know if it was made from plants or animals, but when it cooled off it solidified. While we were cleaning it out I saved some of it in a metal bowl and hid it under the counter. Once we finished up, I moved the container and hid it in the supply closet when no one was looking. Preparations for my plan tomorrow.

As I left McDougalls, I watched Tay slither off in the direction of downtown. Again, I felt a pang of regret. Why? Why do I care? She was nice to me one time, and when I tried to say thanks she... ugh, she basically fucking spit in my face. She deserves this and more. I looked down at the ground and noticed my hands were clenched into fists. After loosening my grip I sighed and walked home.

The next day started the same as any other: After rising from my bed and crawling out like a mummy escaping its tomb, I threw some frozen garbage in the microwave and barely had time to eat it before walking to work. What was different today was I left early. When I got to McDougalls and didn't see the wet floor sign in the lobby I knew I had made it in time. The girl working the front counter wasn't familiar to me, she had to be from second shift I figured. I slipped past the counter and went to the supply closet.

The metal bowl full of grease was right where I left it. My resolve had hardened since yesterday and I carried out my mischief without hesitation. I used the wringer to get the water out of the mop and dipped it in the solidified grease. Twisting the mop around to get a thin layer of grease on each strand of the mop head. Then, I greased up the mop wringer with the mop head. It looked more obvious than I had hoped, but I still doubted she would figure out what was happening before it was too late. I hope the floor cleaner in the mop bucket isn't that strong, or this ain't gonna work at all. I put the mop back into the bucket and rehid the grease bowl.

Heh, grease bowl. That's kinda like grease ball. Maybe I should start calling people grease bowls. I chuckled to myself as I shut the closet door and walked into the bathroom. Suddenly my nose was assaulted by the smell of shit. Holy shit. What are these fuckers eating... nevermind. I already know. I hid in one of the stalls and browsed #Chan, attempting to forget the smell and reminding myself how much fun I was gonna have on I.A. Day with my friends.

After a short while, it was time for my shift, so I left the bathroom to clock in. Once I clocked in, I said hi to Ash and went to the breakroom to hang my coat in the closet. As I passed Tay she didn't say anything to me. She seemed focused on her work but still moved her tail out of the way for me to pass. To add insult to injury, I started a wash cycle for a load of dirty rags that were sitting in the washer and told Mark about it. One more point for me.

After I put my coat away, I was trained by Ash again. Today he was actually letting me bag the orders.

"You got two Extra Tasty Double McCheeseburgers, no onion, extra ketchup, extra pickle, in that bag, and a medium fry?" Ash asked.

I opened up the bag and looked. "Yea. They're in here."

"Cool. Hand them out and get the next order ready. We're almost through this batch of customers."

As I started getting the next order ready, I noticed Tay slither past me and Ash. This is it. She's gonna mop the floor.

I focused on getting the order ready, but I watched her out of the corner of my eye.

She wheeled the mop bucket to the lobby and mopped normally: dipping it in the water, squeezing the water out with the wringer, and moving it back and forth. It was actually kinda fun to watch her mop. Her viper tail was a lot more dexterous than I had initially imagined, she had no trouble maneuvering her body out of the way so she could mop the floor without slithering over it. After she got through half of the lobby, she stopped for a moment. The floor where she had started mopping was drying, but a greasy residue was left behind.

She cocked her head and stared at it for a few moments, before bringing the mop bucket over to re-mop that spot. After sending out another order I saw her confusion evolve into frustration. She examined the mop head and I think she realized what was going on.

I was not so stealthily observing her while this happened. She hunched over and began to peer around the room. Maybe looking for someone to blame. Suddenly, her head darted in my direction. Our eyes met. I froze, I wasn't sure what to do, but what I couldn't do at that moment was look away.

She looked pissed, confused, frustrated. Her tail tip twitched and she gripped the mop hard with both hands. There's no way she knows it was me. Anyone could've done that. It'd be more reasonable to assume that someone didn't clean the mop well.

I don't know if I was trying to convince myself I was safe, or psychically convince her it wasn't me. Either way, I was saved by Mark who happened to walk out of the kitchen. "Hey Tay, you should get back to the grill. A bus just pulled in." He said casually before his eyes drifted to the greasy floor. "What are you doing?"

She was pissed enough that her words had some bite to them. "Trying to mop the floor, but something is wrong with the mop."

He sighed angrily and rubbed his temples with one hand. Gesturing to her with his other hand. "Just get back on the grill. I'll deal with this."

"Ffffine." she stated, dropping the mop back in the bucket with a sigh.

An aura of hostility emanated from her when she passed me on the way to her station.

I got the sense that maybe I had pushed her too far and that she was more clever than I had anticipated. The first time she just accepted it, but this time it seemed like she might try and investigate it more. I'm gonna have to try something much stealthier if I want to get away with it tomorrow.

Eventually, the shift ended and I felt drained and not in a fun way, like gettin' your balls drained. I mean total mental and physical exhaustion. I said goodbye as Ash, Carlos, and Tay went out through the back door. I didn't leave with them and said I had to use the bathroom, but it was a lie to give myself a chance to clean up my grease bowl. After disposing of the evidence, I grabbed a cup of ice water and went outside. It was still dark, but the sun was about to come up soon.

As I sipped and started walking out of the parking lot, a voice called out to me, a familiar voice... It was Tay's voice. "Hey, asshole! We need to talk."

As soon as I heard her say that I knew nothing good was gonna come of this. My pulse quickened as I saw her slither out from the dumpsters with a lit cigarette in her mouth. Does she know? Of course she does, she's never talked to me after work before. I wasn't exactly sure what to do. I wanted to run the fuck outta there. But, I also hated her, and getting into screaming matches was practically a pastime when I worked construction. After all the arguments I've been in at my old job, I'm practically an expert. I could probably just reuse shit I've said in the past. So, after a pep talk to myself, I did the only logical thing a man in my situation would do when confronted with a large angry pearlescent serpent: I walked right up to her. "Yea, about what?"

She took a long drag from her cigarette and blew the smoke at me. "You already know." Her eyes darted around the parking lot. She almost looked... nervous? Or, at least, as uncomfortable as I had ever seen her.

I tried to picture her as a burly construction worker to make this situation easier for me. "What're you talkin about? Are you mad at me? What did I do?" I tried to play it off like I was innocent because she couldn't possibly have any evidence, but I think it only made her angrier.

She flailed her arms in the air. "YES! I am mad at you, faggot. I know you're fucking with my work. No one else has any reason to."

Damn, she knows. I crossed my arms. "Fuck off with your accusations. It's not my fault you've had some bad luck."

She practically hissed after I said that. "I - fucking - watched you pull that grease bowl out of the supply closet. You think you're so sly, so cool, well you're not. You are a RE-TARD!"

Fuck. She really watched me. That fucking bitch. How did I not notice? "You stalk your coworkers as they leave McDougalls often, or am I special?"

Her pupils contracted, she seemed caught off guard by my hostility. Maybe she expected me to just roll over and take it after the last time. It didn't last long. "You're so full of yourself." She took another drag from her cigarette and looked around. "I don't stalk anyone, especially not your stupid ass."She pointed at me with the cigarette between her fingers. "Stop with the crap, and stop fucking with ME. Fucking take your loss with some dignity."

Imagining her as a construction worker was working great, it made me feel like I was in my element. Duking it out with some chump who deserved it. I got up in her face. "Fuck you, you're not my boss. I don't have to do anything you say."

She leaned her head down to be at eye level with me. Staring me down with her blue alien eyes. "You're such a little bitch, you know that? I could tell Mark about this and get you fired."

I shrugged. "So? I'll just get assigned a new stupid job by LAP." A smirk crept up in my face. "But, you already know nothing's gonna happen if you tell him. You've got nothin but your word. The worst thing he'd do is write me up."

"I've worked here a lot longer than you. My word is worth a hell of a lot more than yours…" she looked away from me. "Yeah, Mark's desperate for workers, he wouldn't fire you for this, but he'd never fire me either." She finished off her cigarette and tossed the butt on the ground, returning her sharp gaze to me. "I bet you think you're tough shit, getting up in my face like this, and sabotaging my work. But you're not. You humans are all the same, you think you're so brave for fucking with the scary alien. Think you're getting back at Advent by doing this? Well, you're not. You're a coward; you know I'm on permanent parole just like every other non-human. I could get arrested for defending myself against tools like you."

So typical to accuse me of xenophobia. Yea, that's the only reason anyone would hate you. "I don't care about whatever bullshit you've cooked up in your head about me. But I'm gonna set shit straight anyway. I don't hate you because you're an alien, I hate you because you're a fucking - cunt."

She scoffed. "Whatever you say, douchebag. I know you're doing this shit because you think you're untouchable. Protected by the law. You think you can get one over on me for free, and I'm telling you that you're dead wrong. If you don't swear you'll stop fucking with me right now, I'm gonna make your job hell and you're still not gonna get that day off."

"And, I'm telling you..." I reached out a finger and poked her in the chest. Where I expected to feel the hard muscle, I instead felt soft, yielding, flesh. My mind was focused more on the argument than who I was arguing with, and I realized too late that I was not in a spat with some jagoff on the construction site. I was arguing with a girl in the McDougalls parking lot and I had just jabbed one of her sizeable breasts with my finger. She looked down at my finger. Fuck. Why am I such an idiot? My body locked up as she looked back up at me. I did the only thing I could do in this situation, which was to try and finish what I was gonna say. "...to - fuck off." Those words barely squeaked out of my throat.

She looked as shocked as I felt for a moment but regained her composure and smacked my hand away. "Don't - ever touch me again, two-legs, or I'll break your fucking finger."

She could've reacted much worse all things considered. "Yea, I coulda guessed." An air of awkward silence hung between us. Fuck this, I'm going home.

Before I did anything, she backed up and crossed her arms. "I wish I was surprised by that you freak." She flipped me off. "See you tomorrow, dickbag."

After she said that, I said nothing and she slithered off. My thoughts during my walk home were not good company.

I can't believe it, everything I said she deserved, but I fucking poked her boob. It was an accident. I swear to GOD it was an accident. I was tired and I just got into my head too much. I can't even blame her, I acted like a freak. Who the fuck does that, argues for five minutes and cops a feel. Worst of all, I didn't even get to enjoy it. Why does this shit keep happening to me? First viper I meet in person fucking hates my guts. First date I went on went fucking horribly. First time touching a girl's boob and it was for one second and I basically molested her. My first kiss will undoubtedly be just as terrible as everything else. This isn't how I wanted anything to go...

I tossed and turned in bed for a while, I felt like a slimeball after what I did.

The next day I woke up and felt better, but not by much. I dreaded coming into work, half expecting to be fired as soon as I walked in. But, nope, everything was the same as it was yesterday. Ash got right into training me on putting together orders, Carlos stayed in the back, and Tay was silent. The only thing she did to acknowledge me was glance at me once in a while. Eventually, things slowed down and I figured I'd clean the bathrooms real quick for a few good boy points with Mark. I grabbed the cleaning solutions and got to work. Neither of them were super dirty, so it went fast. I had been doing the mirrors last and this time it was no different.

I sprayed the solution all over the mirror and wiped it up and down, quickly realizing something was wrong. It was leaving a sudsy residue all over the mirror. I just shrugged and tried to wipe it off with water, which got rid of the suds, but still left a residue. It took me a few seconds before I realized what had happened.

Did Tay fuck with the cleaning shit? Wait, if she fucked with the mirror stuff... there's no way she didn't mess with something else.

As soon as I was about to inspect everything I had cleaned, Mark walked in. I startled him. "Oh, hey Vincent. Cleaning the bathroom?"

"Yea, how's the drivethru?"

He shrugged. "Not busy, but you shouldn't linger... Damn, what happened to the mirror? Did you clean it with the hand soap?"

"No, I... guess it was just really dirty. Can't seem to get it clean."

He looked annoyed by what I said. "Go back to your station. I'll figure it out."

"Aight, captain." I gave a salute and walked out of the bathroom.

Tay gave me a smug look once I got back to the fryers. "How'd cleaning the bathroom go, dipshit?"

"Why don't you worry about your burgers or something."

She scoffed at my comment and went back to work. Only slightly fucking with the cleaning solution was nothing, she had much bigger plans, I knew she did. Things had just gotten a lot more complicated. Now, I was gonna have to keep up with my work, watch out for her tricks, and keep trying to sabotage her. I had to get that day off, and I knew this was only a taste of what was to come.