Spring 2005

It wasn't stalking. It was research.

Bella repeated this mantra to herself in the computer cubby of the school library. She covertly double-checked that she was the only one in the back corner. She usually was. No other students at Forks chose to spend their brief hour of freedom among the plastic-covered anthologies and artless murals. Affirming the coast was clear, Bella typed Edward's name into the search bar.

Yet again, nothing came up for Edward Masen. No school records in Chicago, nothing about his music lessons in Sitka. Nor was there anything about Rosalie Masen, Alice Masen, Emmett Masen, or Jasper Masen—his siblings. She received the same results when she typed the name Edward Cullen into the search bar. There was a brief blurb about Carlisle Cullen on the hospital website, but that was all there was for Edward's uncle. Unfortunately, she didn't know the name of his aunt.

With a huff, she sank into the back of the chair. There were no clues. For all their obsession with him, Lauren and Jessica were useless. They knew every shirt in his wardrobe rotation and had his license plate memorized, but they had no idea where he lived. They hadn't even figured out where he worked. Once, she tried to go to the hospital to catch a glimpse of his uncle, but he worked the late-night shift in the ER. To gain an audience with him, she'd have to stage an accident to send herself to the emergency room. She'd gone so far as to hover a knife above her finger before coming to her senses about that one, blinking in the orange light of the microwave.

Unless she stooped to straight-up stalking, there was nothing for her to do.

Disgruntled, Bella gathered her belongings. Maning the front desk was the new librarian. Bella had only seen her twice, briefly. She was a pixie of a girl. Her short, black hair was pulled back into tiny pigtails. With her black lace dress, she wore red lipstick so dark it was almost black and green jewel upon her neck. Despite her dark appearance, her smile was sunny.

"Checking out?" she asked in a high, soprano voice.

"Um. Yes." Bella flushed and pushed the book in the librarian's direction. It was an overview of ancient Roman cooking she wanted to use for her final essay.

"Thank you." The mouse clicked and the keyboard clacked. "Oh! Here are the other books you reserved."

"Other books?" Bella shook her head. "I didn't check out any other books."

Her dark eyes met Bella's. So wide and innocent Bella could not help but believe her. "You did. They're listed right here."

"I guess I forgot about them." Bella looked through the small stack. Dracula, Tuck Everlasting, and The Picture of Dorian Gray. She'd heard of all three, but never read any of them.

"Toodle-oo," the librarian waved her off and stepped away from the desk.

Bella balked, at a loss for words. She was still at a loss when Mike pulled her in for a kiss after lunch—he didn't even realize she was gone—and while she worked on her biology assignment alone, all the way until she trudged up the porch steps in the dim light.

Bella took her time and meticulously put away her belongings. Charlie stomped in behind her, dropping his gear on the table and kicking his boots to the corner.

"Are the bags in the Cruiser?"

It didn't seem that Charlie heard her correctly. "I don't have your purse. And I don't want to hear that you lost it."

"The grocery bags," Bella clarified, "Full of the groceries you said you were going to get after work."

"Don't take that tone with me," he deflected. "It was a long day at work."

That was the closest thing she would get to an apology. Bella knew not to push for more. "Should we order takeout?"

"Mike eats Chinese, doesn't he?"

Bella carefully placed her stack of library books on the kitchen table, adjusting the order so the book on Roman cuisine sat on top. "There's something you need to know about Mike."

"What? He prefers Mexican?"

"I'm breaking up with him."

After much deliberation, Bella concluded that the library books were sent to her by Edward. There was no real reason for her to think of such a thing. Some may call it delusion, but Bella chose to see it as intuition. And if Edward was willing to send her a clue to his bizarre charade, she didn't need to put up with Mike anymore.

Charlie raised his face to the ceiling and sighed. "Bella, he's a busy guy."

Bella couldn't make sense of his reaction. "Then, he'll be happy to have time in his schedule cleared up."

"Whatever he did, just get over it and forgive him. Don't put him through the hassle."

"Hassle?"

A knock pulled Charlie away. There was only one person he was willing to get the door for himself. Bella braced herself. The boys lingered in the entry as Charlie asked Mike about his day and how his classes were going. All the questions he never asked Bella. They stepped into the kitchen, still chucking over an unfunny joke.

"There's my girl!"

"Watch out, Mike," Charlie said in the gentle and teasing tone he only used around his favorite person, "she's going to break up with you."

They both laughed.

Bella struggled to keep her voice firm. "I am."

"Baby," Mike said in a tone of mock sympathy, "I already said I was sorry about the bookshop. I got a little jealous," he kissed her forehead, "Sue me."

"It's not that!" she pulled away. "It's several reasons. You want me to write you a list?"

That only earned her another laugh.

"Reason number one," Bella began over their laughter, "I go to all your hockey games, but you've never once offered to read the books I like."

Mike looked at her like she had grown a second head. Behind him, Charlie rolled his eyes.

"Then, I'll read something over the summer. Jesus, Bella, you don't need to make a big deal out of everything."

Even if Bella couldn't see through such a bald-faced lie, it wasn't enough. "Reason number two: I have to get a job to pay for college. I won't have enough time for you."

"Work at the sporting goods store." Mike said, easily, "Problem solved."

"You mean the one owned by your parents?"

"That's a great idea, Mike," Charlie commended. "When can she start?"

Mike shrugged widely. "When do you want her to?"

"She might as well start this week. Graduation is coming fast, she'll need rent."

"I was planning to stay here until I have enough saved."

"I know," Charlie spoke to her like she was stupid, "And you'll be charged the rent. Can't live anywhere for free as a proper adult, Bella."

"What!?"

"That's normal," Mike used the same, belittling tone as he rubbed her arm, "My parents said the same. I've been working at the shop for years, saving up. By graduation, I'll have enough for an apartment."

"Very responsible," Charlie approved. He listed off his fingers. "Job, home. You're nearly ready for a wife."

Bella paled.

"That's the hope," Mike grinned.

Bella clenched her shaking hands into fists. She felt skittish, like a prey animal upon hearing the snap of a twig, knowing the lurking doom that shortly followed.

In another world, with another person, it would be a dream. Settling into an apartment with someone she loved. Planning futures together as small as a weekly dinner menu to as large as shaping out dreams into reality. But in Forks, under Charlie's thumb, and with Mike's misplaced arrogance, it would be a nightmare.

It didn't seem like that mattered much to Charlie and Mike.

"Then, it's settled. All your little problems solved." Mike took her fingers in his and kissed the knuckles. "See? Let me handle everything and maybe you'll realize you don't even want college."

"No," she snatched her hand away.

They smiled at her—bemused and horrifically insulting.

"You staying around for dinner?" Charlie asked.

"If I'm welcome."

"Always welcome here." He slung his arm around Mike's shoulders and gave him a fatherly shake. "We're going to order takeout."

For the rest of the night, Bella sat up in her room, refusing to do anything or speak to either of them. It didn't faze them one bit. They ordered dinner, hooted and hollered over some sports event, and ignored her when she snuck down to retrieve a carton of pork lo mein.

Picking around the pieces of pork, Bella stewed.

She understood why her father was doing this—she couldn't wrap her head around how.

Charlie was the high school sports star who took a job on the force and married his sweetheart. The American Dream—down to the white picket fence around the little yellow house. Only, his wide-eyed, free-spirited wife took their baby girl and ran, shattering that dream. Charlie not only saw himself in Mike—he saw his second chance. A second chance over which he had full control.

But Bella was Charlie's only daughter. Shouldn't her dreams and desires matter? He never once asked what she wanted or why she wanted to attend college. Neither of them did.

One person asked. He was as elusive as the stars in this stormy place. However, he offered her a way to clear the clouds. Bella pulled Tuck Everlasting into her lap and began to read.

Back at school the following morning, Bella scowled when she spotted Mike's blonde head bobbing among a crowd of hockey players. He would eventually want to walk her to their first class. She wouldn't make it easy on him. She would drag her feet. She would continue to do so for the duration of their farce of a relationship until Mike gave up.

She meandered around to the back of the school, towards the patio where Edward took his smoke breaks. Standing before the untamed forest, she understood why he braved the rain to spend his time there. It was quiet. The chatter from the parking lot faded into the background, replaced by the rustle of leaves. The woods stretched back into blackness. Bella stared into the void, through the low-hanging mosses and high-reaching ferns. In stories, woods were magical, terrifying places. An idea fluttered against her ribcage, telling her if she stepped in, she might not come back.

To test that thought, she took a tentative step forward.

Forks had a different idea. Her foot caught on a root. The ground flew towards her face until she was caught and jerked back by a strong solid arm. It knocked the wind out of her lungs.

"I didn't see you," she gasped.

"That was obvious." Edward took a large step away from her the moment she was stable. "What were you doing?"

She didn't have an answer. She didn't have anything intelligent to say to this scowling clone of her Edward. So, she sputtered out something stupid. "Have you read The Picture of Dorian Gray?"

The corner of his lip twitched. "What about it?"

"What about Tuck Everlasting?"

His eyebrows drew together, askance. But rather than pose another question, he answered Bella's. "I can't say that I have."

"It's a children's book. About an immortal family."

"And why do you need to know if I've read a children's book?"

For a moment, Bella worried that he didn't actually send her any books—that it was a glitch in the library's system and not the cryptic message of this mysterious, beautiful boy. Then again, she knew she couldn't take anything he said at face value—no matter how impeccable that face might be.

Feeling foolish, Bella flushed, then stuttered, "I-I- don't really know."

He reached down to pick something up off the ground. "From tedious romance to classic philosophy to children's literature. It's tiring to keep up with your preferences."

"Must be aggravating. To see me as one way one minute, only for me to be the complete opposite the next."

He said nothing as he held out his hand. Her truck keys at in the middle of his palm. They must have fallen out of her pocket during her fall. Tentatively, Bella reached out to take them.

She withdrew her hand before retrieving them. "Why the smoking?"

He found her outburst amusing. "Do you find it off-putting?"

"Of course, I do. It's a nasty habit that will do nothing but the destroy lungs of you and everyone around you. I can't think of one, single reason anyone would want to smoke, unless their life's goal is to smell like an ashtray." Though, she noticed to her great dismay, he didn't smell like cigarettes. He smelled like rich butterscotch. The same color as his eyes.

Bella realized she stopped mid-rant to stare into his eyes. With a great huff, she snatched the keys out of his outstretched hand, only to drop them again.

Edward fought a smile as he retrieved them. This time, he dangled them by the keyring and gently lowered them into her hand. "Should I add glue? Perhaps weld them to your hand?"

"You're hilarious."

Bella tried her best to hide her pleasure as they fell back into their old, easy banter.

"Are they hiring at the bookshop?"

His jaw tensed. Sensing the oncoming rejection, Bella appealed to the generous side of Edward. The boy who offered to get jam on her behalf during a storm and left a tray of snacks for her in the loft that he pretended not to know anything about. "I need a job to start saving for college."

It worked. The mask fell.

He studied her face with an intensity that made her heart ache. "What happened to the money your mother put aside?"

Bella closed her eyes. At a loss for words, she merely shook her head.

She heard the soft squish of wet earth as he took a tentative step towards her. Though he was still at arm's length away, it felt like she was wrapped in his tender embrace. "The bookshop is definitely hiring. Which shifts would you like?"

"Any of the ones you aren't working."

"I think that can be arranged." There was a smile in his voice. "Come down and ask for an application. I'll talk to the owner to make sure you get hired. You'll start out at twenty an hour, but after the summer, I'm sure you could discuss a raise."

Bella gaped. She expected to see the cheeky grin he wore whenever he toyed with her, but his expression was open and utterly sincere.

"That much? That's unheard of!"

"The owner is a very generous man."

"How did you even find this place?"

"Dumb luck."

Bella rolled her eyes.

"Oh, and there are multiple locations. When you start school somewhere else, you can switch to another."

"Where are the others?"

"Tons of places. Where would you want to go?"

She picked a city off the top of her head. "San Fransisco."

"Yes," he said, too quickly. "There's one there."

"Charleston?"

He nodded.

"San Francisco, Charleston, and Forks?" She narrowed her eyes. "I don't believe you."

"Ask the owner himself during the interview. He'll tell you the same."

Bella's hand fluttered to her heart. It seemed too good to be true. A steady income, an escape from Charlie, a gateway to another place. All while surrounded by books. "And you really think he'll hire me?"

"I'll make sure of it."

Edward was always too beautiful to be true, but as he spoke his promise, his face shifted into something beyond words. Like the haunting beauty of the forest that beckoned her moments ago. No, that wasn't the right analogy. It wasn't enough. What did she compare him to the night before?

The stars.

The dazzling, dizzying stars that kept Bella's head in the clouds as she dreamt of more. Even the stars couldn't compare to such magnificence. Unexplored galaxies could not draw her to them as he could. As if she shot up to the sky, she couldn't find her breath, nor her bearing.

"What the fuck did you say to her?"

She crashed back down to Earth as a clammy hand clamped around her wrist and pulled.

"I asked to copy her biology homework."

Bella's vision cleared and settled where it belonged: on Edward. The mask of disdain returned, regarding her like she was nothing. She was in Forks. Not in the forest or up in the sky. Not with him.

"No," she gasped.

"That's right," Mike's breath was hot against her skin. "She's going to keep saying no. Don't talk to her again."

"Mike, that's none of your—"

"Fine."

Bella whirled, horrified to hear a curt dismissal in the same voice that offered salvation. Edward's eyes were locked on hers as he withdrew a cigarette from his pocket and gingerly placed it between his lips.

Summer 2004

"You weren't supposed to be in today."

Bella startled, regaining her bearings. She was curled into her usual chair up in Edward's loft, staring at a page in her book, unable to recall a single word. A bag packed with water, trail mix, and plenty of unnecessary sunscreen sat at her feet, unused.

"Well, here I am."

Edward sank into the chair next to her. The concern on his features accentuated his beauty. "That's the fourth time this has happened."

Bella shrugged. "Apparently the staff at the café is fickle, because Renee gets called in last minute all the time."

Edward nodded, thoughtfully chewing on the inside of his cheek.

The wind chimes sounded downstairs, announcing a customer. A male voice boomed, proudly introducing the store to his companion as one of his favorites in the town. A shy smile crept onto Edward's face. Bella joined, encouraging a larger smile from him.

"Oh, wow! Look at the instruments! I've always wanted to learn how to play the drums."

The sound of the woman's voice was a punch to the gut. Bella was glad she hadn't eaten any breakfast, assuming she and her mother would snack all the way up the trail, like they usually did on hikes. Otherwise, it might have ended up on Edward's lovely green rug. Edward leaned forward in his chair, suddenly anxious. His hands flew to her face before he snatched them back.

"That's my mother," Bella explained in a hushed voice.

Several emotions flickered across Edward's face, ending in a blaze of fury.

"I'll be right back."

Once Edward's bronze head was out of sight, Bella hugged her knees into her chest and placed her forehead between them.

Renee lied to her.

Bella suspected something back in Phoenix when their financial records didn't match the hours Renee supposedly worked. A habit that continued into Sitka, it seemed. Bella could only assume every time Renee lamented over an unexpected shift or extended hours, it was a lie to get rid of her.

Though she was close to tears, her heart skipped a beat at the sound of Edward's voice, welcoming them to the shop.

"I apologize for the delay."

"You don't need to worry about a thing." Renee's voice was shamelessly alluring.

"You have to see the upstairs, Renee." The man spoke her name with adoration and familiarity, Bella could not doubt their relationship was romantic. "That's where all the record players are that I told you about."

Dread swallowed up her heartbreak. Quickly, Bella scrubbed away her tears with her fists. In her mind, she rehearsed careful acceptances of whatever lies would spill from Renee's lips.

"Employees only," Edward announced from below.

"What?" Renee's boyfriend questioned Edward. "I was in here just last month. With you. And it wasn't employees only then."

"Bring it up with management."

"Oh, honey. It's quite alright. Let's just grab a cassette and drive to Denali."

"You have to be back at five."

"Eh, I changed my mind. I don't want to do dinner here."

Renee meant to say, was that she didn't want to do dinner with Bella. She didn't understand where this sudden animosity came from. They used to be friends. Tears fell faster than Bella could wipe them away. She choked back a sob, refusing to be heard.

"I'm quite sorry," she heard Edward's voice from below. "You came at a bad time. I have to close the shop. Immediately."

"What?" Renee's boyfriend barked. "It's not even eleven-thirty in the morning."

"Bring it up with management," Edward repeated.

"What sort of business is this?"

"Take any cassette. Or CD. It's on the house. For the inconvenience."

"But that doesn't need to be brought up with management."

"It's fine, Phil," Renee purred. "He's a boy who can follow orders. Grab these and let's go."

Edward was back in the loft faster than Bella dreamed possible. She felt his presence like the gentle caress of a dear friend.

"Hey," his voice was softer than velvet. "Look at me."

Bella continued to sob into her hands.

"Bella, please?" he crooned, "Tell me why I'm wrong about Cathy and Heathcliff."

"You didn't have to send them away," she choked out through her tears.

"Yes, I did."

She peaked through her fingers at the sincerity in his tone.

"That's right," he encouraged, gently. "Look at me."

He was on his knees before her, his golden eyes wide and beseeching. He smiled as their gaze met. A soft smile that did not reach his eyes. Concern still pinched between his eyebrows. The tender expression pulled the words straight from her heart. "I think I'm so reliant on fictional love because it's the only place I've ever found it."

She cringed away from his stifled gasp.

"Your mother loves you," he said when he found his voice, "in her own way…"

"No," Bella brushed the tears off her book, only to have them immediately replaced. "She never wanted to be tied down. She wanted a dog, not a daughter."

"That's not…"

Bella continued over him. "Our entire relationship was centered around her making the best out of a bad situation."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. She tells me that all the time. She plays them off as jokes, but the message is there, loud and clear."

She looked at Edward, defiantly. Challenged him to sweeten the situation with his honeyed words.

"I'm sorry she feels that way."

"Yeah, me too."

He frowned at the bitterness in her tone. "You're only in the first, few chapters, Bella. Think of all the places your favorite characters find love, beyond a parent or a partner. Woven into hearts and shown in acts they didn't realize, at first. There are so many things about you that will inspire love in so many hearts. And maybe one day, you'll find a Mr. Rochester of your own."

"Mr. Darcy," she corrected in a shaky voice. "I want Mr. Darcy."

He shifted, bringing his face closer to hers. "Of course. A beautiful, bookish, brazen girl deserves her Darcy. He'll fawn over you. Move mountains in your honor."

"I want him to hate my family."

Edward laughed. The sound was breathless and beautiful. "He'll hate your family, too."

Bella wiped the final tear from her cheek with the heel of her hand.

"Never accept less."

Bella knew she would never have to accept less than Darcy's steadfast love. Not if it were Edward's love she was receiving. He was Darcy and Rochester and Westley and more.

"I won't," she said, steadily.

He smiled. "How about I take you out on that walk? I know a little spot nearby."

"It's okay. I don't want to get you in trouble." She lived seventeen years without seeing a waterfall. She would live a little longer.

"Haven't you heard? Management said the store was closed."