In Our Own Time

by dreams as light as feathers

Falling in love is never easy. Choosing to love is even harder. Being in love doesn't mean you let go. Feeling in love doesn't earn your trust. We had to find out if our love was real. We had to believe we were enough. Looking back on it, it was inevitable. We just had to figure it out in our own is story follows the Canon Timeline each chapter falls in-between canon events.

9. Chapter 9 Monday, August 20, 2012

20

A palimpsest

of fire

your words

are fingers on my flesh

hands to take

my body

rising heat

touch not

the flame

of this too hot

heavy love

for it will turn

our world to ash

and make the heart

a grave

Lust for Life by Lana Del Ray

Mid-Summer 1998

Sheila Bennett parked in front of the Salvatore Boarding House for perhaps the third time in her life. Zach was standing out front waiting for her, disheveled as ever. The thirty-year-old man looked worn beyond his years, as if the suffering hidden by Stefan's compulsion was seeping into him. The body remembered sorrow in ways the mind could not. Sheila wasn't happy when Stefan told her what he had done but she understood the need for it. She couldn't imagine Zach would be able to handle the suffering, especially since he had been through so much already.

"Who's that grandma?" Bonnie's little voiced chirped from the back seat. Sheila had not been able to find a sitter, as usual and unlike Rudy she was not comfortable leaving her grandbaby with Miranda Gilbert, no matter how available she was. The woman was the pride and joy of Mystic Falls and had all the charm and hidden prejudice that belonged to the town. Of course, she couldn't tell Rudy that, Grayson was a family friend and "fellow Augustine-Alumni", which meant his wife was also "good people."

"He is a friend of your mother's," Sheila paused for a moment and considered her next words," He is like family. His name is Zach."

"Okay. Are you going to help Uncle Zach like you helped Mrs. Flowers last month?" Mrs. Flowers owned a bed and breakfast that doubled as a museum for paranormal artifacts. Most were just props connected to old Virginian urban legends, a few were the real deal. Sheila had a knack with the paranormal, so she had made it her business to help with purifying homes and spaces.

"Maybe, but I am hoping I don't have to?"

"Do I have to stay in the car like last time?"

"No, it should be fine."

Zach greeted Sheila with a hug, he was thin. Sheila's heart hurt for him. Looking into his eyes she saw the boy she had met for the first time in kindergarten. He was the boy with the sorrowful eyes that no one but Abby was willing to approach on the playground. The boy who was teased in the third grade for believing a vampire was buried beneath his garage. The boy she fed every night for two years in high-school while his alcoholic father wasted away until he died. The teenager who secretly had a crush on Abby most of his life but only finally gave up on her when she met Rudy a man ten years older than her in college. The man who confided in Sheila when his wife got pregnant that he was afraid to be a father. The man who had trusted vampires because they were family and ended up losing any chance, he had of a real one.

Sheila felt enormous guilt for not being there for him, it was horrible luck or twisted destiny that she had to deal with the Gemini – Parker Clan Situation on the same day. Otherwise, she would have made it to that birthday party and she would have been able to put Damon in his place. Zach led Sheila inside and she immediately took in the cluttered mess that was the Salvatore Boarding House. There were boxes everywhere all of them old and dusty. It seemed like he was going through centuries worth of knickknacks and heirlooms yet he hadn't managed to get rid of a single one of them.

"You looking for something?"

"She wanted me to go through this stuff you know to throw out what I didn't need. It's just a century and a half of history. It's kind of hard to toss it you know."

Sheila understood but she knew Zach's attachments with Salvatore antiques had more to do with his emotional state than his love of heirlooms. His wife had been the one to box all these things up years ago, to make room for the baby. To make the cluttered home safe until they were ready to throw things out or donate them. It was sadness that attached him to these things not his love for them. A memory in his soul and bones that his mind could not reach.

If it weren't for Damon Salvatore none of this would have happened. She wanted to kill him but the spirits insisted she couldn't. To Sheila he was useless, he had given up being the Bennett protector years before she was born. Sheila trusted the spirits; it was the only thing that kept her from hunting him down.

"Can I play with this stuff?" Bonnie was elbow deep in a box half her size.

"Bonnie!" Sheila chided.

"It's fine, She-ma," Sheila looked at Zach surprised to hear her old nickname. Zach smiled, and it seemed to reach his eyes for what might have been the first time in years. Zach bent down close to Bonnie and helped her pick out a bright blue tartan bow with a cameo brooch in the middle.

"I think this would look lovely on your bear," Bonnie smiled happy to receive the gift. Sheila sighed knowing there was no way she would be able to get Bonnie to return that brooch.

"What do we say?"

"Thank you!"

"Would you like to go play on the swing outside?" Zach asked, his eyes were sparkling with something, Sheila imagined it was longing.

"Can I go?" Bonnie asked sticking out her bottom lip, as if Sheila could deny her anything.

"Sure sweetie."

"Can you push me Uncle Zach?"

"Sure thing."

Sheila could sense Zach had returned to house before she could see him. She could sense all Salvatore's; a side effect of Emily's promise she supposed. His energy was so much brighter than it had been when they first arrived. Bonnie had that effect on people.

"She is an amazing little lady," Zach's joy was evident in his tone," Smart, kind, and beautiful."

"That she is," Sheila smiled back turning to face Zach, only to see his eyes were wet.

Zach cleared his throat," Sorry don't know what came over me."

Sheila rubbed his back and he seemed to take his first deep breath in ages," What is it that you need Zach."

"It's complicated," Zach was wringing his hands," I have a suspicion."

"Of what," Sheila felt the hair rise on the back of her neck.

"Just know that I know this sounds crazy," Zach looked at her nervously," I think there is a something hunting the towns folk. A- a vampire."

"Yes," Sheila suspected that was why Zach had called. A few weeks ago, Bonnie's father had warned her to be wary of a young brood of vampires, lurking around town. Rudy told her that, Zach had stumbled upon the tail end of a hunt that Deputy Forbes and Dr. Gilbert had just completed. They weren't sure how much he had seen but they were sure he would be a member of the town council soon enough. Not to long after Sheila had seen Zach at Whitmore researching legends and myths about vampires.

"Wait you believe me?" he looked surprised and relieved at the same time.

"I am a professor of Occult Studies Zach, the supernatural does not surprise me."

"You are also a bit supernatural yourself," Sheila's eyebrows raised and Zach followed up quickly," Abby told me when were young. I never really believed it but I saw something a few weeks ago that could only be supernatural and and..."

Sheila raised her hand, to stop Zach's impending rambling," What do you need from me Zach."

Zach pulled out of his pocket a bottle with a dried vervain fragment," It's called vervain it's like wolfsbane for vampires, allegedly. It's dry and crumpled but I figured that since its magical maybe you could help. Can you?"

"I believe so," Sheila was excited, she had only heard about the herb never had she actually seen it. This would be a chance to try out the ancient Mesopotamian cultivation spells she had been reading about.

"Great thank you, for believing me and helping me," Zach handed her the bottle," You and Bonnie can stay if you like but I know you have things to do. "

Sheila just nodded and smiled," You're right I should go. I'll let you know if I make any progress on this, in the meantime, try and keep this between us. Wouldn't want to get anyone's hopes up about vampire repellant."

"Do others know about vampires? How can I meet them?

"Don't worry they will find you."

"Okay great," Zach abruptly hugged her again, "It's been nice having you around She-ma, don't be a stranger."

Sheila returned the hug, before she went to collect Bonnie. Standing behind her grand-daughter, was a red headed woman with warm brown eyes. Sheila recognized her immediately as the spirit of Ms. McCullough the most reliable of the Bennett protectors.

Monday, August 20, 2012 - Midday 1994

"Don't think, don't think, don't think," Bonnie muttered under her breath as she had her second shower of the day. The water was icy cold and she was shivering but she needed it. May 10, 1994 was a relatively perfect spring day, not too cold and not too hot. Yet it had recently begun to feel like summer for Bonnie long, sweaty, and exhausting. Bonnie finally felt the heat created from her afternoon nap easing up, the reason she was torturing herself under cold water and doing whatever it took not to touch herself.

Recently, Bonnie had a dream in which she woke up in a panic, in the middle of the night. Scared, she rushed to Damon's room as if her life depended on it. As if she was six and rushing to her Grams' room to get away from the monster in the closet.

Keeping her eyes low, Bonnie glided down the long corridor to Damon's room. After what felt like centuries, she finally reached the door and opened it wide. Bonnie shut it quickly, not looking behind her for fear she might see the thing that she was afraid of. Bonnie tried to catch her breathe sliding down the door in relief.

Once she gained her steadiness, she looked up to see if she had woken Damon, but she couldn't see anything. Getting up slowly she walked deeper into the room, there was no Damon. Suddenly, she felt the hairs raise on the back of her neck. Something was behind her. Bonnie was about to scream when she felt a hand around her mouth, and a low shush tickle her ear.

His hands were rough around her mouth as he tilted her neck to the side. Bonnie was possessed with feelings of terror and passion. She wished she could push him away, yet she clung to him. His grip around her waist was warm and commanding, as he pressed something fiery and stiff into her lower back.

"Do you believe in destiny?" the warm breath on her neck was causing an ache within her that made her desperate. Her heart was beating hard, her blood was thick with desire. Yet she was frightened, because she knew what he desired had nothing to do with what was happening between her legs and everything to do with what was in her veins.

She could feel his full lips caress her neck as he gripped her tighter. The panic began to set in as her back arched involuntarily, his arm was on her ribs now just under her breast. Slowly the pressure of his fangs grew until they penetrated her. With a great shaking scream, she felt her legs turn to jelly as blood spurted onto the bed sheets in front of her, until roses fell out where the blood was meant to be.

The first time Bonnie had this dream she woke up in the library on the largest couch, drenched in sweat. The dream was inappropriate to say the least. She was embarrassed when she felt a sticky wet mess in between her thighs. She was mortified when she saw Damon standing over her looking frustrated before he vamped away never to be seen again for the rest of the day. She never took naps outside of her bedroom after that.

Bonnie's initial game plan was to avoid the library and Damon as much as possible. It was sort of working except well Damon always found a way to be around her. The shame of what happened made her tense, and Damon ever the emotionally astute man he was did not pick up on her need for space. Instead, his jokes seemed more depraved, for example there were far more innuendos involved. At least she believed there were. Either way his teasing was always disguised as play but there was constant undercurrent of animosity, as if he knew she was worked up because of him and was showing her no mercy. Bonnie switched the tap over to hot water finally giving her body a break. Satisfied that the major swelling near her clit had gone down, crisis averted. She enjoyed the way the water rolled down her back soothing her aching body and sighed from pleasure. As long as her dreams continued, this was all the release she would allow herself. Giving in to her desires would surely be the slippery slope, to wanting more and needing more. It was best to save herself from eventual embarrassment and control herself now.

Bonnie wanted this not to bother her but it did. There had always been that unspoken tension between them. They were always teasing and threatening each other, and it was always bordering on flirtation. Bonnie previously could just ignore the sexual implications but the dream changed things. So, she uncharacteristically found herself running away from the challenge Damon presented. Running away to keep herself from getting rattled any more than she had.

Bonnie spent a week contemplating what had made all these things happen. She was of course touch starved and it was only natural that she would crave some sort of affection. She decided that the issue wasn't the fact that she had a wet dream, those things happened. Damon being the center of that dream was the problem.

Bonnie was pretty sure it had everything to do with Damon literally being the last man on earth. Within that context thinking of Damon in a compromising way made sense. Bonnie was struggling to thrive in the maddening in between world and itching for any semblance of normalcy or finitude. Damon was a reliable presence, a constant companion in the unknown. And it didn't hurt that he was attractive, dangerously and annoyingly attractive.

Regardless as long as Damon was the cause of her arousal, she would not and could not come. Plus, he would more than likely hear her and well things could only get worse from there.

Bonnie got dressed and for the first time in a while agonized over whether a bra was necessary. She hated that she was caring about how she looked in front of Damon, as if she was afraid of him. Bonnie purposely decided not to wear one. She would get over it, she had to.

Before the wet dream fiasco, they had been talking a lot and they were really getting to know each other. She could actually say she enjoyed Damon's company, even though a lot of times he was chaotic and a bit argumentative, he could also be the opposite. Often when she couldn't sleep due to anxiety, he would read to her, Sol Luna y Talia the Italian version of Sleeping Beauty. When his sweet raspy voice droned on about everything and nothing, she felt safe and relaxed. Since that day her stress had ramped up, and she longed for those peaceful nights again.

Avoiding him even if it were for a good reason was hurting her. Bonnie couldn't believe she could say this, she missed her friend, so she was determined to get over last week.

In hopes of starting fresh, Bonnie decided that she was going to explore the rec room in greater detail. The Salvatore's had a knack for collecting interesting things. She hoped that she could stumble across something to bring to Damon's attention, and finally pull out one of those long-winded monologues of his that she loved so much. The only difference was this time she wasn't going to let their conversation descend into flirty madness.

Bonnie searched the rec room furiously while imagining the conversation she would have with Damon.

Hey Damon, how's it going? Look at what I found it's a thing.

Oh, a thing I haven't seen one of those since the dawn of time ad and by dawn of time I don't mean the actual dawn of time I mean the movie that got released in 19 something or other by blanketity blank blank pictures.

Neat! Can you show me how it works?

Sure, thing Bon bonascity. Bonday Blues. Bon something.

"Is that how you think I sound!" Bonnie literally jumped from fright. She couldn't believe she has been thinking out loud. Her heart was pounding in her chest when she turned to look at Damon who was standing behind her the usual devilish smirk on his mouth that surprisingly didn't reach his eyes. His eyes looked mellow as if he had just fed. The slight red smudge at the corner of his lips verified it.

"Blood," Bonnie pointed it out feeling flushed as she recalled her dream. Damon licked the corner of his mouth and she instinctively looked down knowing better than to make eye contact.

"What are you up to little bird?" Damon's voice was thick, low, and titillating. Keep it together B. She took a deep breath and turned to look back up at Damon with her patented "you don't phase me smile."

Damon scoffed silently before he stared back at her smoldering intensified. Damon wasn't going to make things easy on her. He never did. Bonnie knew that Damon was testing her, he had a habit of picking up on her weaknesses. Bonnie didn't think Damon was trying to hurt her, she just knew that he was probably having a lot of fun at her expense. She couldn't say she didn't have a habit of doing the same with him. Regardless today she was determined to get over it and go back to things as normal. That meant she had to draw a line in the sand.

Crossing her arms, she moved closer to him, obstinate. He moved closer to her; their eight-inch difference was noticeable. Bonnie lifted her chin to get a good look at him and Damon responded by bending down to her level. Bonnie didn't flinch, she just held his gaze defiantly. It was just like old times, minus the seething hatred that would leave her breathless and blushing. Of course, Damon ruined it by opening his eyes wide and staring at her without blinking, as he made funny mouth movements.

Bonnie couldn't help but smile, "Dumb-ass."

Both were giggling now, as if last week's incident never happened. Bonnie missed this so much, the lightness and effortlessness of their friendship sometimes baffled her. If she didn't focus on him being physically attractive, then Damon would eventually stop teasing her for being so awkward and things would be okay.

"I am bored," she confessed," I was hoping to find some 'ancient artifact' amongst the things here, but I haven't found anything to top the video camera."

Damon rolled his eyes. Bonnie couldn't help but make age jokes around him. Her favorite past time seemed to be teasing him about how old he was, besides just teasing him in general. Which she sadly was doing a lot less of lately.

She was obviously avoiding him because he had caught her moaning in her sleep on the library's main couch. It would have been funny to Damon if her moans weren't so damn erotic and well if she wasn't Bonnie, the woman he undeniably had a secret crush on.

Damon ran away to protect her and himself from the awkward conversation that would have occurred if he stayed with his bulging member on full display. Yet things were awkward anyway, although he had been trying to act like nothing happened. He kept teasing her like normal, nicknaming, nitpicking, dirty innuendos, all the regular shit. Bonnie however had been taking everything way to seriously. She was running away from him, like what he was saying actually bothered her, as if she thought he was actually trying to hurt her not just mess around. Today, however, she was her normal bad ass Bonnie Bennett self. She was not going to tolerate his shit or back down from a challenge. It made him happy; he missed his girl.

Damon considered what he could do to alleviate his precious Bonnie's boredom. Damon knew Zach was a bit of a hoarder about half the Salvatore clan was. He and Stefan were a perfect example of this. Stefan liked to hold on to the smallest mementos, as evidence by the fact that he kept Rebekah's old locket even though he had no recollection of whose or what it was. He also liked to collect his thoughts in a journal and generally most those thoughts were annoying and broody and cycled around the usual key issues. Hating being a vampire and hating Damon.

Damon on the other hand was comfortable with discarding things he did not need. When he moved back into the boarding house his first order of business was to organize the mess Zach had left there. In that process he found several "ancient artifacts" from various decades that still worked. Damon suspected there would be something in the basement above the cellar that would be entertaining enough for Bonnie. That's where Zach hid all his valuables.

Damon waved for Bonnie to follow him, and she did obediently for a change. He heard a slight gasp when he opened the hidden doorway at the back of the downstairs rec room that led to the basement.

"Creepy," she whispered.

"Stay here."

"What why?"

"The basement is full and I mean standing room only of priceless antiques from Italy down there and I don't want you accidentally destroying them. Alternate dimension or not I'd like to keep things intact, "Bonnie rolled her eyes before shoo-ing him away.

Truthfully the only reason he didn't want Bonnie going down there was because he was down to his last blood bag. As irrational as the fear may have been, he worried that she might be tempted to look in the fridge. Damon had plans to finally take Bonnie to the lake as she requested. If she saw that he was running low, well she would be leading the blood bank search party.

Damon knew he was cutting it close especially since his searches had not been successful, blood was dangerously low in all the surrounding towns. Not even Richmond had a decent supply of blood, his last twenty days had come from there. He planned on heading straight for New York tomorrow but one day of fun couldn't hurt.

Damon vamped downstairs and grabbed a box of things closest to the fridge. It was labeled electronics, that would have to be good enough. Damon vamped back up, slamming the door as he went and set the box down on the billiard table.

Bonnie's eyes lit up with excitement and Damon did his best not to tease her. Damon's heart had long since been turned to stone but seeing Bonnie happy made his heart a little lighter.

"How about this?" Damon brought out a bright yellow Walkman.

"Boring, my dad had one. I used to listen to my read-along books with it," Damon suppressed a long sigh. She made him feel so fucking old.

"How about this, we could find a computer to play it on?" this time he brought out a floppy disk, certain that it would a better reaction.

"Ooh," she gushed," I've never seen this before!" She picked up a huge item that wasn't any more interesting to him than the floppy disk.

"It's a tape recorder," Damon was concerned the vastly different reaction between the tape recorder and Walkman was too great for him to comprehend. There was only a mere decade difference in technology.

"I know but it's huge and has a microphone," Bonnie picked up the microphone," Tonight on the six o'clock news."

"Not really for broadcasting, pretty sure Stefan used this for recording a diary."

"Wow, why am I not surprised," Bonnie suddenly got a mischievous glint in her eye," Dear Diary Stefan here…"

Damon yanked the microphone out of her hand, "Nope you don't get to make fun of Stefan that is my job."

Bonnie snatched it back," Then I will make fun of you instead."

Damon snatched it again," not if I make fun of you first."

Damon narrated her voice with an exaggerated chipmunk impression, "Hello World, Bonnie here, it has been over 100 days since I have been stuck in this prison world with Damon Salvatore. Surprisingly, we have not killed each other yet. Although judging by that look in his eyes I am not sure how much longer he will last. At this point I am sleeping with a pack of freshly sharpened number 2s under my pillow. Hopefully it will be enough."

Bonnie grabbed the mic immediately making her voice monotone and raspy, "Dear Bourbon bottle 744 or was it 745. Today, I tried to drown my feelings again. If it doesn't work this time, I'm thinking I'm going to need a bigger bottle."

Damon rolled his eyes huffing, trying to suppress a smile," You suck at this, I'm going to get a drink call me when you have something better to do then to play with old 70's relics."

"You mean when I want to play with an even older relic? Like you?"

Touché.

"Wait Damon! Look what I found! "

Damon looked to see an old photo, of his mother and young Stefan holding a teddy bear with a blue tartan bow tie. The picture was circa 1850 a few years before his mother's death. Their light eyes shined as they stared into the camera, both smiling brightly Which was quite the source of frustration for father when he saw the portrait later, it wasn't the norm to have smiling families.

Stefan was just a boy, so he didn't take direction very well and while the picture was being taken Stefan ended up having a crying fit. Lilly always a little slow to handling Stefan's emotional outburst, of which there were many, just stared at the photographer in embarrassment. So, it was Damon to the rescue. With Ms. McCullough in hand, his childhood teddy bear and a few funny antics he was able to stop Stefan's outbursts and ease his mother's anxiety.

Later when his father heard that it was Damon's fault the two could not stop smiling, Damon received a beating although milder than normal. Giuseppe thought Lilly looked beautiful when she smiled and no matter how undignified it was to show one's teeth in the photo, because she had such lovely teeth all could be forgiven. Giuseppe gave young Stefan a lecture on what a man is and isn't to do. Which of course included calling Damon a foul dandy and improper example of man hood. The usual stuff.

Damon turned the picture over to see Ms. McCullough's bow tie attached, with a caption in Stefan's handwriting," Good men die slowly." Damon internally groaned. Stefan was always a melodramatic fool.

Damon felt the pit in his stomach grow low until it felt like it would become a black whole on the floor and swallow him entirely. He missed Stefan and his mother. He missed his childhood, painful as it was. He missed being human.

"Good men die slow, interesting? Who is in the picture? Is that Stefan? I'm assuming that's your mom. Whose bowtie is that?" Damon was getting annoyed with Bonnie's incessant questions. She always asked questions. Are you okay? How are you feeling? Do you want to talk?

Sometimes he wished he could go back to when she didn't care just so he could have the luxury of not thinking about everything. Bonnie was a catalyst for a lot of deep brooding thoughts, the kind that made his forehead wrinkle like Stefan's. Processing is what she called it.

Worst of all to complete the process he felt compelled to say what was bothering him out loud. Bonnie patiently listened to him reveal things that bothered him, hurt him, shaped him. She heard things he never told anyone and never once made him feel judged. His original nickname for her no longer fit.

"I feel like I have seen this bowtie before," Bonnie picked up the cameo brooch attached to the bow tie and almost immediately dropped it.

"You okay," he asked.

"Yeah, just static shock I guess," she laughed, but she looked a little stressed.

"You sure?"

"I don't know I guess," she sighed," I don't know- it just made me feel funny. Does the bowtie belong to the bear in the picture?"

"Yeah, it does. Do you mind if we got out of here? I am not really in the mood to walk down memory lane," he sighed feeling the need to escape from delving further in the past.

"Sure," Bonnie smiled understanding always understanding.

"Alright grab your bathing suit and meet me outside in thirty."

It wasn't until Bonnie was struggling to safely tie the back of her red bikini top that she realized going out with Damon to the lake might be a mistake. She had talked about going for weeks now. She had even made the effort to "shop" for a cute bikini. Yet now she was hesitant.

It had only been a week since her dream so being alone with him semi-naked might not be a good thing. Yet she couldn't cancel. Things were awkward enough as it was, if she tried to cancel what explanation would she possibly offer up. Plus, she promised herself that things would go back to normal and going to the lake with your friend was normal.Bonnie felt her stomach churn and the faintest hint of butterflies. Keep it together, B. Bonnie pulled on an oversized T-shirt and stormed downstairs.

Damon was waiting wearing his regular white T-shirt and flannel combo in red and bright red Swim trunks, that seemed to compliment the bikini she got. What is this an episode of Baywatch? Bonnie's mind immediately went to Shaun and Eddie making out on the beach. Probably not the best thing to be thinking about right now. Suddenly Bonnie had the most brilliant idea.

"Are you sure you want to go Damon? I feel like I'm pressuring you. Plus, what if you lose your ring?" Bonnie tried to make her voice sound as soft and caring as possible. Just like she heard Elena do back when Damon was a loose cannon. Somehow, she could convince him of anything. It did help that he was in love with her, Bonnie didn't have that going for her. She was just an ear to talk to.

Damon's eyes squinted at her clearly seeing the bullshit she just laid on his doorstep. Damon wasn't stupid and he wasn't easily persuaded either. Bonnie tried to keep herself from shrinking.

"You know you chew your lip and bat your eyelashes when you are nervous right?" Bonnie shrugged trying to play it off. Of course, Damon would know all her ticks.

"I am nervous and concerned for you. Why the suspicion?" Bonnie smiled but she didn't dare look Damon in the eye. She knew she wouldn't be able to hide from the truth under his gaze.

"Okay little bird," Damon rolled his eyes not buying anything she was saying," I won't lose the ring, I super glued it on."

"What?!" Bonnie couldn't hear the last part Damon had just mumbled.

"I said I won't lose it, now come on I packed the car and we only have so much ice and daylight let's go," Damon grabbed Bonnie by the wrist and pulled her along.

This was it, she was locked in. Although she knew she probably shouldn't make this a big deal and remind herself that Damon was just the only other human being, she couldn't help but feel shivers up her spine when he touched her.

It's only cause you're lonely and horny. Do not read into it.

Bonnie was about to rip her arm from Damon's grip when she noticed the big bright yellow Volkswagen parked out front. Bonnie had seen that particular Volkswagen for weeks then it suddenly disappeared, adding to her growing list of we are not alone examples. But now it looked brand new as it gleamed in the afternoon sunlight, a beauty polished by none other than Damon Salvatore. Damon is good with his hands I guess, what can't he do?Me. Nope shouldn't have thought that. Shit does this mean I have to take this off the we are not alone list.

"You, okay?" Damon looked at Bonnie whose face was contorted in surprise.

"When did you make this happen?"

"In my free time," truthfully, he had spent many nights working on this. Damon hadn't been getting much sleep as of late trying to find a solution to his blood problem. The Volkswagen was the first car he had enough experience with that might actually fit enough blood for a good long while. It was also a nice distraction from his nightmares, the year 1994 had also decided to make a home in his head. The sounds of screams were on a constant loop, so he was avoiding sleep in that regard as well.

He knew it was eventually going to back fire on him. Not even a vampire could stave off sleep for too long. He could feel it affecting his mood and he knew his appetite had increased. A common occurrence for Vampires who were energy depleted, they craved more nutrients. Which was a problem considering he was limited to the meager rations he had left.

Bonnie's earlier observation of him was incredibly astute and stung a little. His usual routine of drinking to relax and sublimate weren't effective for getting rid of his nightmares. They only made them worse. His favorite remedy to sleep deprivation and nightmares, love making, was not available to him now. Even if, he had somehow broken that barrier between him and Bonnie and subsequently destroyed everything he worked for with Elena, his appetite would be destructive. Penetrating her jugular would be the next thing on his must do list. The thought of hurting Bonnie and betraying Elena caused his stomach to churn, he would do whatever it took to protect them, especially from his self.

Damon noticed he was still holding her wrist caressing it a little. Bonnie hadn't noticed yet. He stared at his hand sure any minute now she would yank free and draw that physical line between them. Instead, she just stayed next to him moving closer even until his arm was snuggly tucked between her breasts. "This is amazing," she squealed her eyes were wide from joy, with the most unfiltered smile, he had never seen before. He tried to recount all the times Bonnie had complimented him verbally. Maybe a few times he caught her admiring his body but never had she so openly complimented him.

Quickly, she ran off toward the van leaving him buzzing and cold. He wondered if going to the lake was a good idea.

Wickery Lake was less than 10 miles from the Salvatore' Boarding House, a shorter distance than the Gilbert's Lake house. The Gilbert's had their lake house on the other side of the lake in a more scenic area that had a dirt path up the mountain to Hot Springs. Bonnie had never gone; it was rumored to be one of the most romantic places in Mystic Falls. The girls all promised each other never to visit that spot until they were absolutely sure they had met the one. No one had visited thus far.

Bonnie wondered absentmindedly if Damon had heard about the Hot Springs. As if he read her mind he said," Have you heard the rumor about the Hot Springs. Apparently, whoever goes there ends up getting married."

"I've heard of it… have you gone."

"Not yet but I thought about going once."

"When? With Katherine?"

"No."

Damon got really quiet and Bonnie wondered if she should had said something wrong, "Why would you think of Katherine."

"Well, I figured since you waited for her that you must have wanted to marry her at some point."

"At one point, I did want to marry her. But Elena is the one who mentioned the lake," Bonnie felt butterflies in her stomach," I was thinking about taking her."

"To get married?" Bonnie was flustered. If Elena was bringing it up to Damon, had she already decided on him being the one. Bonnie was speechless and she wasn't sure why.

"Is that so hard to believe?" Damon didn't seem angry.

"No, I mean it isn't. I guess … never mind," Bonnie bit her tongue.

"No tell me you're her best friend and I am not saying I care what you think but I guess I am saying I care what you think," Damon coughed after rambling about something she could barely hear," Do you think it's a bad idea for me and Elena to get married?"

Bonnie swallowed feeling the butterflies in her stomach grow. Her mind went blank and she wasn't sure what to say but her mouth kept running.

"I think you two need to work on communication. I see that you have chemistry but I feel like when bad things happen you don't talk. I know Elena can sometimes get really focused on her way or the highway but I think if you guys could talk it out more you both would come to an understanding and maybe break-up less."

Damon was quiet and Bonnie wondered if she just put her entire foot in her mouth, to her surprise Damon responded thoughtfully," I agree. It's just a little hard sometimes. I don't know if she gets it. I don't know if she gets me. I feel like she wants me to change."

"Change sounds really negative maybe she just wants you to do better."

"I mean yeah, I guess."

They stayed quiet for the rest of the ride. Bonnie felt exhausted from the way her heart was beating. She hadn't expected the conversation to turn that way. Damon being vulnerable with her was still so new. The fact that he felt so comfortable around her, to confess his insecurities about his relationship with Elena. Well, it meant the world. They had come so far and so fast as friends, she wouldn't ruin it, she couldn't.

"You should talk to her about it. About your concerns about how you feel. I know that will be hard for you. But for what it's worth I think you are a…"

"That's enough talking for one day thanks. We are here." Damon was out of the car and unloading the vehicle at vamp speed. Meanwhile, Bonnie was inside the car fuming, and for the tenth time this week she felt the panic coming along. After her adopting her night routine with Damon she had sunk into a rhythm, the anxiety was always there but she could manage it through breathing. This felt different.

Bonnie felt her stomach churn, seeing Damon's back to her right now frustrated the shit out her. She felt that old urge to send a wave of pain into every cell of his brain. Damon being rude shouldn't have affected her so much but it had and she was now choking back the lump in her throat. She knew it wasn't that serious but her body felt like it was on fire, making things deeper than it had to be.

She crossed her arms. Feeling her body fighting itself and influence all her thoughts. What is the point of being nice to him at all if he is going to cut me off? Why did he even bring up the hot springs? Is it because of the dream, did he find out? Is this his way of telling me to back off. It's not like I like him anyway, it was just a dream a stupid dream. Bonnie's heart was pounding and her breathing was shallow. She gripped her ribs tighter holding her will frustration in check.

The car door on her side opened, "Are you just going to sit there?"

Bonnie didn't answer. She didn't know how to answer her feelings were not making sense right now. She just hurt. The numbness was faintly familiar. Looking out the driver's side window seeing the water on the lake, she knew she had felt this pain before. She just could not remember when.

"Are you okay?" his voice was sweet and immediately her chest softened. Yet still she kept her mouth shut, the lump in her throat was still there.

Damon sighed loudly," I am sorry."

"For what?" she answered harshly, it was ridiculous to be this upset.

"Oh, come on Bon-Bon," Damon whined and she felt the corners of her mouth raise slightly," Fine, I am sorry for cutting you off."

"You know I was going to say something nice about you too," Bonnie felt the pain in her stomach ease a little but she still felt slightly anxious about making a big deal about it in the first place.

"I know which is why I was cutting you off in the first place."

Bonnie stepped out of the car closing the distance between them. Bonnie stared at Damon intently but couldn't look at her. For once the shoe was on the other foot. Bonnie noticed perhaps for the first time the size of his Adam's apple as it bounced.

"Why?" Bonnie chastised poking Damon in the chest. Her finger sort of hurt from impacting on muscle.

"Shouldn't you be used to my rude ass by now?" Damon countered peaking up from under his eyelashes.

"Why should I be? Besides why is it so wrong for me to say nice things about you." Bonnie couldn't help but smile, he looked adorable when he was shy.

"Cause its weird, you never compliment me and you were about to do it for the second time today."

"You really want me to believe someone with as big of an ego as yours is embarrassed cause I complimented him," Bonnie bit her lip as she poked Damon's chest again for emphasis. Suddenly Damon grabbed Bonnie's finger looking.

His voice was low and raspy as he threatened her, "If you keep teasing me, I am going to throw you into this lake."

"Violence, and here I thought you were a gentleman," she crooned. Bonnie tried to push her hand back to release herself, but Damon kept a firm grip on her.

They were silent, standing right in front of each other just as they always have staring deeply into each other's eyes. Strangely enough Bonnie felt so calm this way. As if focusing on him and only him was somehow was all she needed.

"Really though, are you okay. It looked like you were about to have a panic attack for a second there," Damon asked brushing a hair from her eyes. Bonnie leaned into his touch slightly before remembering to be flustered and taking a few steps to the side, he finally released her hand.

"It's fine, I was just a little flustered about something else…" Bonnie tried to come up with an excuse," I just remember the last time I was here was with Jeremy. I miss him."

It was a lie. She hadn't been thinking at all about Jeremy. Thankfully, when she thought of him, she no longer felt the pang of hurt from his betrayal, now she just felt numb.

"Makes since." Damon spoke walking away," But I am still throwing you in the lake."

"What why?"

Damon's smirk was villainous," Because I feel like it."

Bonnie felt her whole-body flush with excitement and frustration. So, she acted without thinking. She pounced. Her arms were locked around his neck as she hiked her body up circling her legs around him.

"The fuck, ouch!" Bonnie was grinding her knuckles into Damon's head giving her patented noogie that had put both Matt and Tyler in their place when they decided to be smartasses with her in the seventh grade. She may be without magic but she was never powerless.

"I will not be threatened Damon Salvatore, if you throw me in the lake there will be hell to pay. I know where you sleep, you smarmy, over grown Ken doll."

Damon was laughing so loud as if the idea of her threatening his life was just the funniest thing.

"If you don't stop laughing, I will stab you with a number two when you least expect it."

"Okay, okay" Damon guffawed and it sounded like he was crying with laughter since he kept sniffing," you know your more like a feral cat in heat then a little bird."

Bonnie felt like a feral cat in heat. How else could she explain the wicked shift in emotion she was experiencing. For a moment she considered rubbing her face in his hair and meowing. She kept it in, it was bad enough she was clinging to him this way with his warmth in between her legs. What the fuck am I doing? Immediately she jumped off pushing Damon out of the way as she did her best to walk straight to the picnic blanket, he laid out by the water. Her left knee was aching along with other things.

"You know you could have just asked if you wanted a piggy back ride."

Bonnie stayed silent deciding to turn the radio on, Venus as a Boy by Bjork played fuzzily thought the radio. Putting her shades on and laying out, she pretended Damon did not exist. Damon not taking her silence for an answer laid down next to her poking her sides. She kept swatting him away until he poked her in the rib a little too close to her under boob.

"Would you stop poking me there it's weird."

"No not until you tell me why you are acting so fucking crazy today."

Bonnie looked at Damon through her shades and for a second she wondered what kind of game he was playing at. But she saw his genuine look of confusion and she realized he didn't know what was wrong with her. Hell, she barely understood what was wrong with her.

"Could we not Damon," her voice sounded small, but she picked it up pretending it was all alright," How about something to drink. I think I could use a drink. How about you?"

Damon sighed," Okay fine but let me know when you plan on getting in the water. I don't need to be giving you mouth to mouth cause your drowning."

"You wish, "she growled unhappy with the mental image he was conjuring.

"Here," he pulled out a popsicle," it's a Pina Colada with extra rum."

"Ooo me like," she said biting a bit off the top.

"How do you not get a brain freeze?"

"I don't know my mouth just isn't that sensitive."

"Really? It has to hurt when you swallow at least."

Bonnie was about to answer seriously when she noticed Damon snickering," Fuck you, Damon."

"Jeez Bonnie it was just a joke now you want to fuck me, get it together girl."

Bonnie once again was riled up; Damon was so good at pissing her off. She decided to shove the popsicle in his eyes and hope he would get plenty of splinters from the popsicle stick. But he was ready and grabbed her wrist so couldn't flick it at him. She kept pushing until the popsicle melted landing all over her shirt and on her jeans leaving her a wet sticky mess. Inside and out.

Damon was smirking as if it had all gone to plan.

"Why are you smirking?"

"No reason," Damon was pretending to be innocent his eyes told a completely different story. Damon's eyes were slightly hooded, intently focused on hers as if he was devouring her soul. She kind of liked it, the way he was looking at her right now.

Normally, his intensity made her angry and squirmy but now it felt sort of exhilarating, hypnotizing even. Her spine was slightly tingly like she had just woken up late on Sunday. Like she just put fresh fuzzy socks on Christmas. It was like a hot shower on a cold day. The last breeze before sunset kind of tingly.

Bonnie's heart beat boldly in her chest as she tore her soiled top off in front of him. Damon Salvatore was speechless. Maybe the first time he has ever been that way around me. She stood up keeping her eyes on Damon as he looked at her and watched her slink her shorts off just before she kicked them away. Bonnie heard a muffled groan after they hit him in his face.

She resisted the urge to look at him as she ran away. The water was so refreshing on her skin when she finally dived in off the dock. The heat that was ranging though her felt eased for the time being as the refreshing water touched in the sorest places.

Damon took a deep breath. Once again, she had forgotten he was just a man, she had ripped the boundaries to shreds but who was he to judge. Damon had been abusing those boundaries their entire relationship, he wasn't truly ready for her to take it there though.

Damon always knew Bonnie had a thing for him. She was the only one in denial, at least she behaved that way as if she was only just angry when he teased her only just annoyed when he entered her physical space. But now it was like it suddenly hit her, the reality she was carefully trying to pretend didn't exist between them. Chemistry.

Damon couldn't have prepared himself for her reaction. Bonnie hadn't just accepted he wanted her and teased him about it. She hadn't made an enormous fight about it either. She had egged him on ripped her shirt off revealing her supple and well-developed breasts and thrown her sweaty beautifully pungent shorts into his face. Then she did the worst thing you could do in the presence of a predator, she ran. All jiggly and giggly and exquisitely naked apart from the red bikini that accentuated her bronzy flesh gleaming in the sunlight. She was begging to be fucked had been begging for it, perhaps for years now.

Damon tried to calm himself down but his heart was beating loudly and the veins in his eyes were blushing. All his tiredness and hunger were causing a spinning in his brain that no amount of alcohol could solve. Bonnie had triggered his blood lust.

Damon wanted so badly to chase after her, lay her beneath him on the grass making sweet little circles over her clit until she was begging him to come. He wanted to hear her soft groaning as she pulled his hair in frustration because he wouldn't let her. He wanted to watch her open and close her eyes in shock once she felt him inside of her. He wanted to make her cum screaming and crying his name as her green eyes teared up with something other than pain or sorrow. He wanted to give her bliss. And he would take from her everything heart, mind, body, soul, and make it all his until he filled every crevice with his need and admiration of her. He would play with her all night and day and worship at her alter of sensitivity, naivety and divinity.

Damon wanted to have Bonnie and it sort of felt like he could have. It was just them with no definite return date. The problem was even if he had her, well they would regret it. Bonnie was clouded by lust he knew that. She wasn't much for pleasing herself at least he never heard her. She was constantly drunk cause of him which did not help. So, at the end of the day sober and moderately pleased Bonnie Bennett would not have made the decision she just made. At the end of the day that was the Bonnie he would be living with when this was all over that was the version of her, he wanted to be close too. The sober her.

Although the sober her didn't mind teasing him either. She was carefully, considerate and wouldn't do anything to hurt her friends. He was the asshole for pushing her and riling her up anyway. He just didn't think it would be that easy.

Damon decided that it was time for him to back off and stop pushing her buttons. But he would get his frustrations out by scaring her and throwing her in the lake as he promised and maybe feeling her up just a bit.

Bonnie peaked her head from under the water finally looking back at the shore line. She didn't see him right away and finally she saw him on the dock not too far from her. Shirtless.

Damon looked well beautiful for lack of a better word. Bonnie had never been so horny before in her life. From the, Damon head to toe looked like an ad for Armani selling some fancy cologne or too tight underwear. His shoulders were broad and the muscles in arms were gently sculpted as if perfectly proportioned by Michangelo. His chest was defined in the way only a 23-year-old could be defined, effortlessly. His stomach was flat and his abs were long and sensually curved down his body to the valley of his hips.

Damon was neither over built nor under built. Damon was everything she never thought she would meet in real life. Yet somehow, she felt it didn't fit him. In her mind when she pictured Damon he had the body of well worked 35-year-old, all muscly and sinewy. Twenty-three did not match the eternally learned confidence she had grown to admire. And surprisingly not for the first she wondered would he would look and sound like as an older man. She wondered if he ever thought about that too.

Damon dove in a perfect arc above her and slipped into the water with barely a splash. Of course, he is good at that too. Bonnie waited for him to return determined to splash him the face but after forty seconds her had not come up for air. Bonnie worried Damon would come back to life if he was murder another way besides destroying his heart but, she still worried. She began swimming farther out hoping she could spot peaking his head up to mess with her but he wasn't there.

Water started caving in on top of her as she felt her foot get pulled downward. Thankfully she held her breath immediately feeling the water rush up her nose. It was sliding down her throat mostly to her mouth but there was so much she couldn't help but cough. And just as quickly as she was pulled down, she was brought up. Choking and breathless in the arms of Damon Salvatore.

The choking had stopped and thankfully it wasn't too bad. But Bonnie had gone from one desperate situation to another when she opened her eyes to see Damon squinting up at her as the sun filled his eyes with a light making the blue as bright as the sky above her until they were almost a glowing white light. Damon had to have been something special from birth, cause no one eyes could be that gorgeous. No one's eyes could glow like that.

Bonnie's heart was heavy but her breath was deep and calm. She realized then that maybe she had done the wrong thing by throwing her pants in Damon's face. It seemed to make him annoyed with her rather than turned on. Which was a relief and a let down at the same time.

"You know you are in trouble, right?" he spoke matter of fact as he swam them to the other side of the shore toward the tire swing. She groaned inwardly trying to push him off but he had an iron tight grip on her waist. His fingers were dangerously close to the strings on her bottoms, an accidental tug and they would slip away. As if he realized this, he wrapped his arms under her breast instead, involuntarily pushing them higher. His fingertips were iron-clad on her ribs, there was no escape. So, she went with it and floated along with him, not thinking but enjoying his touch warm even in the cold.

"Sorry about hitting you. It was an accident really. My clothes were dirty and I was just washing up," she lied pretty effortlessly in a way that sounded believable even to her own ears.

"Sure, it was an accident," Damon said sarcastically but she was just happy he wasn't teasing her for her failed attempt at turning him on.

Damon finally got to the shore on the other side and Bonnie felt fear overcome her. This is probably going to hurt.

Just as Damon was dragging her out of the water he slipped and fell suddenly. Bonnie's leg went crashing into rocks on the shore cutting her open.

"You, okay?" she asked him trying to help him up but he just stared at her angrily the veins around his eyes were protruding.

"Dammit, are you okay?" he asked looking angry and tight lipped.

"I'm fine Damon really," she said worried about how angry he seemed.

"You're fucking bleeding Bonnie!" he shouted angrily.

"Why are you shouting at me?"

"I'm not," he shouted again," Fuck I'm sorry okay it's my fault you are fucking hurt. Damn it I do not know what happened I just fucking slipped."

Bonnie was baffled as Damon spun in circles pulling his hair out in frustration. Bonnie had never seen him this upset at her getting hurt before. It made her feel uncomfortable, he wasn't supposed to be like that not with her at least.

"I'm fine Damon, I just need to clean the wound an put on a band aid then I will be good as new.

"Fine, fine you're right," Damon turned around," get on my back so I can take you back to the car."

"Are you sure?" Damon practically growled and Bonnie thought it was best to listen.

They flew so fast to the car Bonnie wasn't even sure a second had passed. Damon put her down gently and pretended not to stagger but Bonnie noticed. He wasn't okay and in true manly man fashion he wasn't going to say.

"Sit," he ordered pointing to the rock in front of him.

Bonnie didn't budge she would not put up with Damon's assholian attitude, especially not when he was acting this way because he felt guilty.

"Please sit," he softened looking at her but not making eye contact.

Bonnie acquiesced and sat down on the smooth boulder Damon had chosen. Gently he grabbed her leg and began disinfecting the area. His hands were soft as the held her calf and she wondered if all vampires were soft and smooth or was it a product of his upbringing. Which reminded her of the note on the back of the picture. Good men die slow.

They way Damon was coddling her and how guilty he was feeling it was obvious the good man hadn't completely died.

"You could just give me some of your blood," she whispered feeling bad as Damon labored to clean her cut removing tiny stones with a tweezer. It hurt terribly and she wished it would end quickly.

"And potentially lose my magical ticket out of here over something stupid, no you will be fine," Damon blew on Bonnie's cut sending shivers down her spine. His lips were so close that she wondered if he would kiss it to make it feel better.

"So, you don't want me to heal then," she whined making and exaggerated point to be annoying hopefully to make him laugh and ease the tension. Damon's eyebrows seemed to soften for a moment as he smiled to himself his next words came out huskily.

"What have I told you about whining?" He looked up at her smoldering without even trying. Bonnie couldn't help but get trapped in his gaze. Damon's small smile disappeared and for a moment he hesitated before focusing on putting a band aid on her knee.

Bonnie realized that she might have a thing for eyebrows because when Damon's flared up in confusion, she thought it was the cutest thing in the world. Damon looked up at her this time the way he did when they first talked that chilly night in October. The first time he saved her, the first time they were alone together. Bonnie looked into Damon's eyes feeling nostalgia and a curiosity, still searching for that thing she hadn't been able to name. Now she had an inkling, she had been searching for the thing that tied them together. A connection.

Centuries of promises and magical moments had bonded them long before they had met. So many external things held them in place for years, family, friends, enemies and allies. Now they were stuck with each other, they were battle buddies and friends.

And somehow after all that work to get here, she was skirting the boundary of more? Bonnie wasn't sure she wanted to cross that line even if she could. She liked things as they were, if she could find her way back to before the dreams before the little intimate moments just to have Damon as her friend, she would do it. Life was so much sweeter without this complicated longing. Being his friend was enough. Damon looked away looking even more confused than when he started.

"You know you'd think the possibility of spending eternity trapped here with me would scare you away from my blood," he laughed cleaning up around him before flashing her a sorrowful smile.

Bonnie was locked in again helpless to the power of his gaze. These were the moments that made her question everything she knew about him. Here he was worried about her, feeling guilty over an accident and even assuming that somehow, she hadn't enjoyed being alone with him. As if he hadn't made every day here better than it could have been alone. As if he didn't confidently know being alone together had been better than what she experienced when they were alive. That prideful bastard is more noble and humble than I thought. For that, Damon made a solid home in her heart, and he wasn't going anywhere.

"There are worse things than being trapped alone with you."

Damon's breath caught and for fifteen seconds he didn't know how to breath or speak. And for the first time he felt his eyes get a little misty. He hung his head low swallowing.

Damon had just been hearing his father's voice chastising him for his weakness. Damon was afraid that he could hurt her worst of all he felt guilty for being more upset to lose his ticket out. Yet she had just looked at him and said something mildly decent that was the exact thing he never knew he needed from anyone. I don't mind being with you.

For once he wasn't a chore or some hanger on. It wasn't like she was suffering to be with him either. He was there and she was there and they were together and it was okay and it was good. They were good. He was good enough to be around.

Damon really tried to find fault in what she had just said but he couldn't his mind was in shock and his body was buzzing.

It was like the pantheon in Damon's mind to jaded bitter cynicism toward everyone and everything imploded. Shining light gleamed from a green sky of beauty and benevolence. His decrepit heart that only seemed to know love if it hurt who only knew how to hate itself or be indifferent was roaring with life. His heart which once stirred with a murmur was now a steady rhythm, in time to her heart. Together in sync.

For Damon three things became painful and undeniably clear.

Even magic less Bonnie Bennett was magical.

Bonnie was his most favorite person in the world maybe even outside this world. She was most certainly his best friend.

Damon did not deserve Bonnie Bennett.

Damon knew he did not deserve Bonnie's kindness. People and relationships were not Damon's strong suit, as evidence by his dumpster fire of a relationship with Stefan. Normally he avoided getting close to people entirely. However, in the last two-years things had sort of changed. Rick was his friend, only in so far as they drank together and had similar taste in women. Liz, well he manipulated the shit out of her regularly and she kept him around because he had what it took to protect the town, he wasn't sure if that could be considered a friend ship. Elena, he managed to steal her love, through sheer determination and natural physical attraction. He struggled to keep her happy though, but he could give her his time, his body, his soul, and it seemed to convince her to stay. Yet Bonnie was asking for none of that. She wasn't asking for anything.

Damon felt overwhelming guilt as he remembered the theme of her nightmares. She doesn't know she is being used let alone how to stop it.Bonnie was too innocent to know not to care for him. Not to lust after him. He felt the guilt deepen as he thought of what had occurred a few minutes prior. About how he wanted to defile her. As if she really understood what she was doing. If she had she wouldn't be offering him so much kindness the way she did. She wouldn't be so loving he didn't deserve that he did nothing to earn it.

He knew he would hurt her but at least he could try his best. He could pretend this was okay just for a bit longer.

"You shouldn't," Damon started but he couldn't continue she looked so concerned as if she had said something wrong," thank you."

"You're welcome," Bonnie's ears were blushing.

"You don't still think I am a monster for what I did to you?" Damon winced. He wasn't trying to make it about him, but the words just came out.

"What you did was horrible, and I still have nightmares about it. But I kind of think of that as two different versions of you, kind of like when Stefan had his humanity off. One of version of you hurt me, I can't forget that or forgive it yet. The other is my friend, the man who fought with me. The man who loves my best friend with an intensity I've never seen before. The man that keeps me from going insane. I haven't forgotten or forgiven really; I just choose not to let that moment define how I see you today."

"I've hurt you and used you on several occasions. Hell, even now I won't heal you just in case you die, and I get stuck in this nowhere place for eternity. Yet you still choose to believe there is good in me."

"I choose to see the good not believe in it. I am not naïve Damon. I know you've used me and hurt me. I know that you fear being stuck here. And I don't see wanting to keep me human a bad thing. I don't think I'd like living for eternity very much. I know that the only reason you are bringing this up is because you are feeling guilty right now. Don't. It was an accident and I forgive you," Damon was embarrassed, he didn't know what to say. His heart was beating hard, making him feel even more lightheaded. The days rations of blood were almost gone he might actually start to desiccate at this rate.

"Damon are you okay?" Bonnie was terrified as Damon seemed to slump to the ground looking complete dazed. She gripped his arm to keep him from completely falling. That's when she noticed his fingertips were stoning up slightly at the very top.

"I'm fine," Damon spoke trying to get up.

"No, you aren't!" Bonnie couldn't control her voice she was so scared and pissed and she couldn't deal with hit lying.

"I'm sorry for yelling but unlike my cut this is serious?"

"I'm just a little hungry. I did a lot of vamping around okay it's fine."

Bonnie understood now why he had fallen in the first place," Do you have any blood with you?" Damon shook his head no, making her heart leap.

"Okay give me the keys we are going home."

"I can drive."

"Give me the keys," her tone was stern and there was no point in arguing with her.

Damon handed Bonnie the keys and together they got him in the car. Bonnie did her best to rush some of the stuff back into the car but it was all too heavy and replaceable so ditched it and got in the car.

Damon was looking marvelously pale and not in a good way. Bonnie swore she could hear his heartbeat earlier when she was helping him up. She put two fingers on his pulse and she could sense a steady rhythm. Which from what she understood about vampire physiology is not normal.

Stopping a vampire heart wasn't the same as stopping a human heart. Vampire hearts were notoriously slow they could beat once every month if it required. When it was a vampire's time for a heartbeat nothing could rush it or stop it, at least not easily. It lived on to a steady eternal rhythm with and infinite number of beats over the years. Damon's heart was at near human speeds. Bonnie had only seen and felt that as vampires were approaching their demise or desiccation.

"Your heart is racing."

"Yep!"

"How are you feeling?"

"Numb," he said sounding distant.

"Hey stay with me! Let's talk about something anything."

"Like, what?"

"Your mother was beautiful," Bonnie couldn't think of anything else and she hoped she hadn't said the wrong thing," Did she have your eyes?"

"She was. Stefan got her eyes and I got her complexion."

"Was that bow tie something of hers?

"No, it was a gift from my grandmother it belonged to a teddy bear named Ms. McCullough. That was my grandmother's maiden name."

"You mentioned once that you knew French because your mother taught you. I guess I just assumed she was French. "

"She is by way of my grandfather, Francois Arnaut de Lyon. I inherited a version of his name, Francesco. My middle name is Francesco."

"Bonnie whispered Damon' full name under her breath Damon Francesco Salvatore. It felt special."

"I suppose I can nickname you Frank."

Bonnie finally turned off the highway and was about two miles from the Salvatore drive way.

"No! I hate the name Frank. Plus, Damon is already my nickname. My full name is Damiano Francesco Salvatore."

Bonnie noticed he took special care to pronounce it correctly. When he pronounced it, he had a distinctly Italian accent and it kind of made her mind explode.

It was easy to forget Damon wasn't just another twenty-three-year-old guy who kind of knew his roots. Damon was only a few generations from a lengthy family history in both France and Italy, of which he was very knowledgeable.

"Did you know that I ended up giving your many times great grandmother the bear. Kind of funny huh, it's almost like Ms. McCullough is Mrs. Cuddles.

"She probably is, Grams told me I kept messing the name up. Cause I couldn't say it. I was too young. She told me the eyes were special they remained the same for generations."

"It's haunted by the way the bear," Damon confessed taking off his seatbelt as they got closer to the driveway obviously delirious," the bear protects people. That's why I gave it her. Little Mabel. She was too trusting just like you."

Damon was starting to sound incoherent as he tried to open the car door. Bonnie had to make an emergency stop. Damon took the liberty get out of the car, now he was sweating and his right arm was crystalizing.

Bonnie shut the car off and rushed to Damon holding in the urge to cuss him out for being so stupid. Together they made it half way up the driveway before Damon collapsed.

Fuck fuck! Bonnie debated if she should go inside to get Damon's blood. That's when she noticed the front door was wide open. She was pretty sure that was locked.

Damon got up again and headed to the open door. She wasn't sure if they should enter in fact, she knew they shouldn't but it wasn't like she had a choice. There was nowhere else to go. Bonnie ignored her gut instinct and helped him inside. Shoving him on to the throne by the door.

"Basement to the left of the stairs. I'm going to my room."

"Wait," she called but there was no point in arguing.

Bonnie ran downstairs and to her dismay Mrs. Cuddles was on the floor outside the door of the basement looking to the left. Bonnie felt a chill run down her spine. Something wasn't right.

Bonnie picked up Mrs. Cuddles, before opening the downstairs door. Her spine was tingling as he felt something watching her. Damon said the doll was haunted by something good but he was delirious. Still Bonnie's eyes were locked right where Mrs. Cuddles was looking. There was nothing in the corner except for the box of stuff Damon had shown her.

Suddenly she heard a loud thud and knew that it was Damon. She rushed down the steps with Mrs. Cuddles in tow. The fridge was bare save one blood bag. Bonnie didn't waste any time, she grabbed the bags closing the door behind her without looking back. She was having déjà vu.

Bonnie rushed up the stairs grateful she had not skipped a day of running and entered Damon's bed room and closed it shut. Damon was on the floor close to the bed, looking pale as could be.

Bonnie dropped everything close by him and tried to lift his head into her lap but he refused.

"Bag," he groaned and she handed it to him, and he immediately started drinking. Then he stopped a third of the way. It was definitely not enough.

"What are you doing?" she cried, she could still see that his fingers were grey.

"This is the only supply I have left Bonnie," he confessed ashamed.

"What do you mean?"

"It's the only supply I have left for the next 200 miles, I have been checking. I don't have the energy to go farther than that on foot so I thought the van could take me. But I guess I over did it today. Look I need to save the rest for tomorrow."

Bonnie punched the ground, tears in her eyes," When were you going to tell me?"

"If I go out farther it might take me some time to come back, I didn't want to worry you."

"So, you weren't going to tell me."

"No, I mean yes, I just didn't want. I didn't want you to worry. And last week we weren't really talking."

"So, it's my fault you're desiccating right now. It's my fault that you were going out there by yourself for miles. What if something happened to you, like it just did and I wasn't there. Were you going to travel 300, or 400 even 500, miles away by yourself on one bag of blood?"

"Bonnie I- "

"Finish the damn blood bag Damon, finish all of it. We are going out tomorrow and we are going to find more blood."

"Bonnie it could take some time, days even before I find another source. I should make this work."

"Then use me!" she shouted.

"NO!"

"I am not asking Damon," Bonnie's voice was stern and angry," You are not going to leave me alone here."

"Bonnie, "Damon looked faint again his heart was pounding uncontrollably. His thirst was greater than he was letting on Bonnie knew it.

"Stop arguing with me Damon and drink the bag or else."

"Or else what?"

Bonnie got up and went to search Damon's room for what she needed. Leverage. She came back with a razor blade. It would be ugly but it would get her point across.

"Drink the damn bag, or I will force feed you."

"You are fucking crazy!"

"Try me!"

Damon began sucking another third of the bag, but his hands were still stone and his eyes appeared darker. Damon dropped the bag, there was still some left in it. Bonnie moved closer to pick it up and force him to finish it.

"Back away Bonnie," he muttered," at this point I am so agitated that I might just actually take you up on your desperate offer."

Bonnie didn't back away she just pointed to the bag. Damon drank it, eyes getting darker as he began mercilessly devouring the blood in front of her. Damon's irises looked milky blue surrounded by deep red. This was Damon Salvatore the vampire. The one from her dreams. The one from her nightmares.

"Are you happy," he growled.

"Do you need more?"

Damon didn't speak, but he noticeably looked pale maybe even paler than before. His fingertips were still turning to stone. Damon looked worried as he stared at his hand desiccating faster. Panicking, Bonnie was about to cut her wrist when Damon stopped her holding wrists, and spinning

"The fuck is wrong with you? Are you that desperate not to be alone, that you'll break your skin with this rusty old thing?"

"Are you that desperate to get away from me that you die slowly alone. Or is this just your typically bout of self-hatred and depression."

"You could die," Damon retorted," I haven't asked because I can kill you. It's been almost a month since I had a good supply. Having you was always my last resort. I just could never ask you?"

"Why?"

"You know why?"

Bonnie truly had no clue what he meant by that. All she could see was the pain in his eyes, still bloodshot. Still hungry. Damon's grip on Bonnie loosened and she moved to break free, but he gripped her again quickly this time pinning her back to the floor.

"Let go of the razor blade Bonnie or I will leave," he threatened hitting her where it hurt most. She flicked it away, and it landed somewhere underneath the bed.

"Fuck," he whispered staring at his desiccating hand still wrapped around her wrist," I can't calm down that's the problem."

"What can I do to help?"

Damon knew the solution, it was simple, quality blood supply equaled happy vampire. Taking it from the vein, was his best option. The problem was that Damon's bloodlust had been triggered by Bonnie earlier at the lake and once again while he fed and could smell here fear. Feeding from Bonnie could mean her demise.

"Please let me help you," she pleaded her peridot eyes glowing more than he had seen in a long time. If he didn't know any better, he could almost taste magic in the air.

Damon knew Bonnie was going to keep threatening to take action unless he let her do this. She wasn't the type to sit idly by while someone she cared about suffered. He loved that about her and it pissed him off.

"Fuck fuck!" he muttered under his breath. The blood wasn't working he could feel that. His current emotional condition, the lack of sleep, the blood lust and the over exertion of his vampire strength just meant his heart was running hard to keep up. His fangs were protruding forward and he couldn't pull them back.

"Damon," Bonnie whispered pulling him into her, her voice low and irresistible. She was staring into his eyes and despite the presence of his fangs she seemed calm. He felt his heart beat calm as a rest, back to where hers was back to a steady beat, although still way too fast.

Damon loosened his grip on her wrists but he still kept her trapped against the floor. His senses were stronger than before, he could smell her and it soothed him that floral scent mixed with that beautifully earthy deliciousness emanated from her core. He wanted to bury his face in it, tongue and fang deep.

"Fuck," he whispered, realizing they were both still in there bathing suits. Damon immediately got off sitting opposite her. His breathing was ragged now, thankfully his limbs were in greater need of blood or he was sure he would have had a stiff one.

"What?" she whispered as she looked to be waking up from a day-dream.Damon noticed Bonnie's gaze was lingering on his mouth as she sat up. His fangs were still out yet she didn't look afraid, in fact she looked a little dazed. The fuck is wrong with her, is she afraid or is she into it? Damon gulped reflexively at the thought of Bonnie wanting him as a vampire as a monster not just as a man. His mouth was watering and Bonnie's scent was becoming far too much for his mind to handle.

"Would you like a shirt? Maybe a bath?" Damon tried to ask calmly but it came out stern.

"A what?" she asked confused before she looked down and saw herself. Bonnie immediately covered her body, self-conscious. Damon didn't think there was anything for her to be self-conscious about, she was beautiful.

"Umm Damon can I borrow a shirt. It's just I…" Bonnie trailed off before starting again this time more serious," I think its best I stay here with you. Just in case."

Damon sighed, he really was not going to be able to get rid of her and he did really need her. Want her.

"Sure thing," he said getting up to walk to his dresser to find the largest shirt he owned. Thankfully, there was a large enough flannel that she could make due with.

"Shower before you come back over here, you are going to be tired at least you can be clean before bed." And at least I won't have to be teased by your smell, while I'm fang deep inside of you.

Bonnie didn't argue she went into the bathroom and closed the door like it was her duty to save him. She probably thinks it is.Lucky for me I guess, who am I to deny her of what she wants. Of what I need. I don't deserve her kindness.

Damon had fallen asleep by the time Bonnie came back from the shower. His body felt sluggish as he opened his eyes. She looked so worried as if he had just died in front of her.

"I'm okay," he whispered using all his strength to get up, thankfully his heart had calmed down.

"Don't lie you don't look okay," he felt her warm hands touch the side of his face where his veins were still pulsating," You need more blood, Damon."

He sighed knowing the inevitable had finally come. Bonnie looked small in his flannel and if things weren't so fucked, he would have enjoyed the image.

"Lay down," he whispered deciding to get it over with.

Bonnie looked surprised as if he had just asked her to strip naked.

"Unless you want to pass out while I'm feeding from you."

Bonnie shook her head and slowly laid in the bed next to him. She looked stiff as if she was at the doctor's office.

"Relax," he sighed.

She looked at him for a second shyly, before turning to face him. Damon could see her cleavage from her open shirt and he felt his veins pulsating harder.

Damon's finger was numb from desiccating when he grabbed her hand, he couldn't feel how hot she was or how soft. He could see her shaking though.

Damon placed her wrist on his lips sliding down into the bed, until his head was next to hers on the pillow.

His fangs were gently touching her skin not yet penetrating her flesh. Bonnie gasped eyes closed from fear, Damon couldn't help but chuckle as she opened one eye.

"I am not going to hurt you."

"I know," she sighed," I trust you."

When had this happened? When did she begin to trust him? She shouldn't trust him but she would find that out sooner or later. For now, he'd take the grace she had given him, he'd stay with her a little longer as long as she let him. As long as he could stand being this happy, being this good. Damon bit down and felt the initial trickle of blood in his mouth before he dug into the vein. It was electrifying and immediately sent a wild zing straight to his brain and down his spine until he was quivering, a loud moan ringing in his ears.

Bonnie's eyes shot open in surprise as she felt Damon's wet lips mold around her wrist. His eyes were closed as if he was savoring the taste of her even though he hadn't tasted her yet. Then just as gentle just as tender he began too bit her, and she felt electricity role up her arm and down her spine. Eyes wide she felt her body flush with a fever she only experienced during intercourse. She heard rolling moan before she recognized it came out of her mouth.

Damon's eyes shot open in surprise. Misty and dark until suddenly he was chuckling. Bonnie felt so embarrassed there was no way she just moaned after being bitten.

Damon stopped sucking briefly only to tease her," Don't worry I have that effect on women."

Bonnie wanted hit him but her hands weren't sort of numb, and head butting him didn't seem like a good idea, so she just pouted.

"Seriously, Bonnie it happens. It's supposed to feel good at least there are hormones in my saliva that make it feel good. Fear is what causes the shock and you're not afraid of me right?

Damon looked shyly at her his vampire mask on full display. Bonnie was embarrassed but she was happy it wasn't that big a deal," No, I'm not afraid of you Damon."

"Is that why you didn't want to do this with me? Because you were worried, I would be afraid?"

"That and other reasons."

Before Bonnie could ask about the other reasons Damon pierced her again. This time she was a lot less sensitive but it was no less sensual. Bonnie felt the numbing ebbs of his sucking lull her into sleep. Her fingertips were starting to tingle as she stared at Damon. The veins around his face were starting to fade as his blue eyes became less blood shot. She smiled happy that she had taken care of him. Happy to be there for him. Happy he would be there for her. Bonnie felt her body float into sleep wrapped in a soft blanket of warmth. Damon's voice called to her from beyond as northern lights beckoned her into the cold white nothingness, the taste of sweet acacia honey on her lips.