30.
Oh love
He tells me
I don't know
Can't understand
Never think
Don't know how
Only that
There is intense connection
Strong binding
Abiding warmth
Oh love
I come to you who know
The way
Oh love
I kneel down
And press my face
Against the bosom of memory
Where I first yearned
And knew then
How to let my hunger speak
when angels speak of love by bell hooks
Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
It had been 77 days, 18 hours, 34 minutes, and 54 seconds since Damon had last been alive. Her calculations were probably off, but only by a few seconds.
Bonnie didn't know why she counted time. She always did it whenever her father was gone. Or when her grandmother left for the store or anyone she cared about left her sight long enough for her to miss them.
The witch had been counting the seconds from the moment she heard about the stabbing. She tracked time as if doing so would draw together a pathway from the miserable now to the hopeful future when she could have her vampire back. Until then, she was sick with longing.
The experience of longing was all too familiar to her. Bonnie spent most of her life waiting for others. Always waiting to hear back, to see if she would be included and if she would be remembered. Despite her fears, Bonnie always hoped people would make time for her. Not everyone was her mother, who callously walked away, never to return unless forced. Most people were kind, so she waited.
However, waiting never came naturally to Bonnie, nor was being hopeful. When Bonnie was younger, she constantly complained about being made to wait. If a second passed and things didn't happen as she expected, she would have a tantrum. She made it her business to make everyone suffer through her whining and crying. Until people apologized and babied her, she would hold on tighter like the clingy little kid she was.
Bonnie was eight when she finally stopped manipulating people that way, all because of Elena and Caroline.
One day, Bonnie had expected Miranda to pick her up promptly for a playdate with Elena at three o'clock. Of course, they were late, but Bonnie didn't care to hear the explanation. Instead, she cried on the front porch and accused Elena's mother of forgetting her. She even claimed that Miranda didn't like her and only did it because she pitied Bonnie. It was totally out of line, but Miranda still tried to comfort Bonnie.
However, Elena wouldn't let her. Instead, she told her mom she didn't want to play with Bonnie. When Miranda asked why, Elena said, " I don't want to be friends with an impatient, whiny baby who makes everyone feel bad for her all the time. She's got problems, but so does everyone else. Who cares."
Miranda grounded Elena on the spot, but the damage had already been done. Elena's reaction didn't surprise Bonnie; she felt like her friends were tired of her for a while. Instead of asking them, she kept trying to cling to them.
After Elena's aggressive confession, Bonnie started crying even harder, but instead of backing down, Elena was stubborn. Elena stopped talking to Bonnie. Elena's friends, most of their 2nd-grade class, stopped talking to Bonnie. Eventually, Bonnie was alone except for the occasional nights that her dad arranged for Sheriff Forbes to take her because her grandmother couldn't.
Caroline and Bonnie got close during that time. They were both missing a parent. They never talked about it together; they just had an unspoken understanding and were there for each other.
Sometimes, however, Caroline would act out the way Bonnie used to. Bonnie would always get frustrated, but she never expressed it. She understood how Caroline felt, so she was patient, and she hated the idea of losing another friend, so she placated her. Still, she started to understand how Elena felt, so she apologized.
Eventually, Elena came back around after Bonnie apologized for being clinging. Never again did she pressure anyone to understand how she was feeling. Nor did she ever give anyone a hard time for giving her one. She understood people had bad days; they needn't be bogged down by her toxic feelings or emotions. Bonnie maintained a safe enough emotional distance from the darker feelings until she met Damon.
Damon's appearance in her life felt like a predestined plot point in her story. The one in which the heroine meets the villain and has to defeat him to protect what she loves. In Bonnie's case, she was meant to protect Elena, Mystic Falls, everything good and proper.
However, Damon didn't stay the villain in her story long. Eventually, he became the anti-hero she teamed up with. He was the ally she could call on in times of need. Slowly but surely, Damon's place in her story changed again, as did her story.
It was no longer just about being the girl who had to overcome her weakness and find her strength to defeat evil. It became about a girl who was strong and could defeat evil and sometimes needed help. She was a girl who had internal insecurities as great as her external problems and occasionally required her to feel like she wasn't alone. She became a heroine who could share her feelings and be vulnerable and not be broken or a burden. Her story became all those things because of Damon. She imagined that his story changed a lot because of her, too. At least in her story, he had become a hero.
But now they were stuck at an impasse, and for one or more reasons, it was her fault.
Bonnie should not have let Damon act so irrationally. She tried to be supportive and understood that Damon would make his own decisions no matter what she said. Yet he had asked her to warn him away from taking revenge on his mother and had even invoked Elena's sake as encouragement. And yet Bonnie couldn't find it in her to tell him no. She understood his need for revenge partly because she wanted it.
She could say she let herself be seduced by the idea of revenge, but it wouldn't be true. That desire to get even and take control was a part of her; it had been dormant for years. In all his wild ways, Damon had a twisted sense of justice that matched hers. She was sure that was why they ended up getting along so well.
Damon's mother deserved to be hurt for stealing away Elena, playing with Enzo's heart, and abandoning her sons. Maybe a part of her was also transferring some of her frustration from her situation with her mother.
Now, because of Bonnie's weakness, Damon was trapped in hell. A hell she wasn't even sure she could save him from.
"You sure that this is going to work?" Caroline asked, eyes shifting between Bonnie and Stefan.
"If it's as Nora and Stefan described, maybe," Bonnie sighed, standing beside Damon's lifeless body laid out on the Lockwood family's heirloom coffee table.
"It won't be easy, knowing my brother; he holds on to things more than anyone I know."
Bonnie shook her head, agreeing with Stefan, but Caroline looked all the more perturbed.
"So we are just supposed to forgive Damon for all the shit that he has done. And tell him there-there because he feels bad for it?"
"Caroline," Bonnie started.
"No, I agree with Caroline. Damon has been a dick since the moment we met him. Why should we forgive him? If he is suffering, then maybe that's a good thing."
Matt's interjection wasn't surprising in the least. What was surprising was how upset and annoyed it made Bonnie feel. The witch bit her inner cheek, trying to control her temper. She hoped Stefan would say something to defend his brother, but he didn't say anything. He just had a far-off look on his face as if he was somewhere else. Bonnie knew being in the stone had been hell for him, but she felt resentful. It felt like she was fighting the battle of resurrecting Damon alone.
"Look, Bonnie, I know you feel guilty about what's happened with Elena, but.." Caroline started trying to comfort her with a condescending tone.
"But what?" Bonnie spoke sternly; she wasn't able to hide her frustration anymore.
"But you aren't responsible for saving Damon just because Elena's not here."
Bonnie looked to Stefan, and instead of opening his mouth to speak up, he looked grief-stricken. As if his mouth was being closed shut. Bonnie would have wondered if his silence had to do with his time in the stone if she weren't seething in anger from his inaction.
"So I'm not allowed to want Damon back without feeling guilty about Elena?" Bonnie asked coldly, not thinking before she spoke.
"Of course, but… wait, what are you saying?" Caroline asked, but Bonnie was already shrugging it off.
"No, I want to know. What do you mean?" Matt followed up, but Bonnie wasn't stupid she knew what he was getting at, what they all had been getting at in some way since her return from the Prison World. She chose to ignore Matt, who had been a big asshole lately. Partly because of what happened to the town and partly because he was taking his new job as Sheriff in town too… well, she couldn't say too seriously. It was just too much.
"If you, Stefan, and Ric are going to be leaving, then who will be here to help me?"
"Me!" Matt shouted back.
"I'm sorry, Matt, but you're only human, and…"
"I'm not enough for you… to protect you?"
Bonnie felt her throat tighten as she avoided Matt's baby blues. Instead, her eyes landed on Damon, that heart-pounding longing taking tension away from her throat, radiating through her body, and pulsating in her fingertips.
Bonnie needed to get Damon back, not only because she felt guilty for not stopping him but because she needed his help. Ultimately, she just needed Damon back and didn't care if there was a good reason.
"I think it would be easier if Damon were here to help."
"He's the reason we are in this mess," Matt stood up, walking closer to Bonnie, catching her off guard. She backed away reflexively.
Stefan stepped in, blocking Matt's line of sight," She's right, Matt; it would be easier to deal with the horde of vampires if you had another vampire around. As much as you hate Damon, you must admit he wouldn't settle for what's happening; he'd have a plan.
"Like blowing up the entire town?" Matt spoke sternly before catching Bonnie's eyes," Fine, I'll help, but not because of him."
Bonnie could feel Matt trying to express something more through his eyes, but she wasn't picking up on what he meant.
"Okay, fine, I'll help too," Caroline interjected, staring into Stefan's eyes aggressively before looking at Bonnie," But it isn't for him either."
"Great, agreed," Stefan smiled, a bit naughty." We are all helping, but not for Damon's sake."
Bonnie wanted to scream in frustration. They were all doing it again, assuming things about her and Damon's relationship that they shouldn't be.
"Guys, it's my fault Damon is like this. He asked me to stop him, but I didn't."
"Which is why everyone is helping you," Stefan put a comforting hand on her shoulder, looking more aware than a second ago.
"Besides, it's not your responsibility to be my brother's moral compass."
"Agreed," Caroline sat down, rubbing her belly. Bonnie instantly regretted bringing her into this. She should be relaxing with her feet up, not resurrecting Damon, but she needed the help.
"Thank you," she sighed, unable to look anyone in the eye.
"Let's get this over with," Matt grumbled, sitting near the fireplace.
"So, what would you like us to do?" Stefan asked, backing into his seat on the arm of one of the oversized chairs.
"I'm not asking you all to forgive Damon. Damon needs to forgive himself however, for him to do that, he can't sit in the stone. From what you described, Stefan, the stone is like a negative feedback loop spiraling in on itself. The longer he stays, the harder it is for him to see through everything."
Bonnie had been trying to get Damon out for months now. It wasn't until she talked to Nora that she understood where she had gone wrong. Nora essentially had doubled her power and performed a seance with her to raise Stefan. Until then, Bonnie had been driving up from the university daily, meditating on releasing Damon without much success. Losing countless nights of sleep, hoping to find a way to see Damon again.
"All we need to do is perform a seance. If we remember the soul of the person, we can resurrect him. The key is to keep a steady focus on him. However, it's not emotional its more like a prayer or meditation."
Before Nora's help, Bonnie had postulated that she could resurrect Stefan because of Caroline. Bonnie had been reading up on how to save Elena, and many books regarding magical comas talked about love being powerful enough to awaken a person who was put to sleep. Bonnie believed Caroline's love for Stefan had called him to her as if their romantic connection was a soul tie that could pull him forward.
Bonnie had felt lost because of this; much of the time she spent next to Damon had been focused on researching alternative ways that she could resurrect him. Never in a thousand years could she believe that her time with Damon could have resulted in such a romantic soul tie.
Bonnie cared deeply for Damon, but her feelings for him were complicated, wrought with frustration, guilt, and grief. They weren't pure and genuine like Caroline's feelings for Stefan. Damon would need more than her tainted affections. He needed Elena.
Eventually, after many nights of stumbling across the same thing repeatedly, she broke down on her birthday. She started a ritual to create an artificial soul tie with Damon. The results of which were, of course, not what she wanted: Damon's return. Instead, the ritual had simply brought to her attention another layer of longing for Damon that she had ignored for nearly two years.
Bonnie took her spot next to Damon's body, grabbing his hand in hers. His skin was cold, and no gentle pulse from his fingertips was thrumming into her hand. Bonnie had never realized how much she had come to expect that feeling whenever she grabbed Damon's hand. As they slept together in 1994, sometimes his pulse was all she could sense from him because he slept like the dead.
"Focus on him, just the idea of him, as if you are calling to him," Bonnie closed her eyes, trying to calm her heart pounding from Damon's touch.
After rereading the ritual the night after she realized her mistake, it was simply a ritual to make people aware of their feelings. Ultimately, you couldn't make someone fall in love with someone else; you can just. heighten them like connecting a guitar to an amplifier.
Bonnie started to focus, feeling the broach Damon had given her heat up against her skin. Bonnie had used the piece to connect to Damon's soul. As long as she wore it, it felt like he was right next to her, even if it were just a manifestation of all her longing for him, not an actual soul tie.
"Incendia," Bonnie whispered, and all the candles lit up at once; even the fireplace started to rage. The room's heat increased, but nothing could match the intensity Bonnie was experiencing inside herself. Her whole body was shaking with anticipation.
Although she had been trying to artfully dodge her friend's insinuation about her relationship with Damon, she couldn't deny that there was some truth to what they were assuming. The vampire and the witch did not have a romantic relationship, but she couldn't say things had not been romantic.
"We call upon you, Damiano Francesco Salvatore. Please rise," she whispered, heat hovering in her ears as she said his full name. The way it would have been if she had written it into her middle school notebook.
Bonnie bit her lip, trying to control herself, but her mind wandered. She was excited to see Damon again, and with her friend's help, she knew she could. She wasn't sure what would happen when he finally arose again, but she was hopeful.
Since the ritual, it had never been more apparent that whatever was happening between her and Damon was too strong to ignore. She hadn't forgotten her friendship with Elena or Damon's shortcomings. However, after almost losing Damon for the second time, she knew she wouldn't want to live, never knowing what things could be like.
The ritual had made all their special moments the subject of her every dream and waking fantasy. Her longing grew so strong that she couldn't look back to the past and not regret not letting go. She regretted not letting herself be swept up in the magic and romance that was Damon Salvatore the first night they danced.
Even if their romance didn't last forever, even if she was just a roadblock on his love tour, even if it ended horribly with her waking up to her senses too late, she wanted him. And she would always regret not having him in 1994 when he had been alone, all to herself, and she never had to share.
Despite the magnified longing affecting her decision-making, the witch didn't think their relationship would change from their uncomfortable friendship. However, she was sure she would no longer stand in the way if it did. She would just have to make it up to Elena in another life.
May 10, 1994
It was nearing midnight after the fourth of July, and Damon and Bonnie had just finished shooting off the last of their fireworks. The sky, which had recently been moonless and full of starlight, was hazy with smoke and dark clouds rolling in.
Bonnie's body was buzzing from red wine and joy. The day had been unusual, extraordinary, maybe even the best day of her life, all because of Damon.
Both prisoners had decided to celebrate the nation's birth in style and dressed to the nines. After hours of shenanigans, they were untucked and disheveled, dancing along to oldies in front of Elena's old house.
Bonnie had spent many a fourth of July on that porch watching neighborhood fireworks and inhaling Mr. Gilbert's famous bourbon-soaked pork ribs. Today, she had enjoyed much the same but with Damon's braised brisket.
For a guy who couldn't cook, he sure knew how to grill.
Bonnie had a classic 90's vampy red dress hiked up to her knees as she laid out on the footsteps of the front porch. Her body was sweaty and worn out from the day's events, but she wasn't ready to go home yet. She never wanted the day to end.
Eyes closed, the dark-haired man was putting on the performance of a lifetime. Damon danced to King Harvest's "Dancing in the Moonlight" (the irony not lost on her) with himself. His white dress shirt and black pants were loose and messy but didn't hide the expert precision of the vampire's hip movements.
"Whoo, shake it!" she yelled, setting down the bottle she held.
Embroiled in a bitter dance battle, though they were, it was only suitable to cheer on the opponent when they were killing it.
Bonnie wasn't shocked that Damon was a good dancer. Oddly enough, she had felt his prowess shoot through his fingertips at the 60s dance. It was effortless for him to lead her and for her to follow, as it should be with ballroom dancing.
Tonight's little battle was to prove that although Damon was a talented vampire, he could not beat even a powerless Bonnie in a dancing competition.
Although she was shy, Bonnie loved to dance and sing. She hid that last talent. Mostly because Caroline was always the group's dedicated singer, and for Bonnie, it was just a hobby.
Dancing, however, was always where Bonnie shined. That was why she had become a cheerleader, to hang out with her friends and perform. Bonnie only wanted to quit when they were determined to make her a flyer. She hated heights.
"You think you can top that foxy mama," Damon retorted, wiggling his eyebrows and hips.
Bonnie was glad she wasn't drinking then, or she would have done a spit take," Calm down, casanova, before you break a hip."
Damon had been like this all day, free and unafraid to make himself look silly. Bonnie wasn't sure when it started, but ever since they had seen Serena together, they had been opening up little by little. Somehow, they had begun making jokes at each other's expense and trying to make each other laugh.
Since Bonnie had broken down in a feverish fit earlier, Damon had been on a roll. As if spurred on by her fit of laughter, he was determined to make her smile again. It made her happy, and it also made her competitive.
Not once had she gotten Damon to break from a joke. The witch was determined to make that happen at least once. That meant she had to control herself. No more laughing at his jokes until she could tell one that broke him.
"You're just scared 'cause I can move better than you?"
"Sure, your Saturday Night impression is on point, Salvatore, but I don't think you're better than me."
"Please, Travolta wishes he was this good. While he was pretending, I was living the disco dream movies were made of," again, Bonnie was resisting the urge to crawl into a ball and die with laughter. Instead, she rolled her eyes and waved a dismissing hand at him.
Damon took her outstretched hand and pulled her up, spinning her into his chest before dipping her low. Nat King Cole's sultry voice greeted Bonnie's ears as the clouds parted ever so slightly. As the vampire brought her upright again, the witch could see the flicker of starlight in his irises. She wanted to lean into them and fall into the galaxy in his eyes. She felt her cheeks redden and her breath catch.
"Wh- wh-what do you think you are doing?" she stammered, feeling an irksome little flutter in her stomach from his smirk.
The very thought of you and I forget to do
"Well, it takes two to tango?" his voice was deep, and she looked at Damon quizzically, not because she was confused but because of the chill that ran down her spine.
The little ordinary things that everyone ought to do
"Okay, maybe the song requires more of a Waltz. But hey, if we try hard enough, we can make it a Tango," he whispered, wiggling his eyes.
"I bet you could make anything a tango," she muttered, her voice rougher than she intended.
I'm living in a kind of daydream
"What's that supposed to mean?" Damon asked, a naughty smirk on his face.
I'm happy as a king.
"Nothing," Bonnie blushed, licking her lip and avoiding chewing on it.
"Sounds like you were thinking of how my amazing and intimidating dance skills would translate in a different setting."
And foolish though it may seem
Bonnie knew Damon was messing with her. It was their game, the I-know-you-secretly-like-me-game.
Damon would try and win her over like he did every other woman, and she would tell him to shove it where the sun didn't shine. However, he had been genuine all day, so for some reason, she didn't feel like he was joking.
To me, that's everything.
"I'm thinking that you are just intimidated and are trying to admit defeat cleverly," she bluffed well enough, but Damon's smile said he wasn't buying it.
The mere idea of you the longing here for you
"Listen to the song, little bird; what do you think? It's jazzy, so it defaults to a waltz, but if we tighten our strides a little," Damon's hand pressed to the middle of her back, pulling her closer. He was forcing them together, her stomach warming his toned abs, their hips merely an inch apart. She wondered if he could feel her raging heart against his rib cage.
The vampire guided her forward, then back in smooth, short steps. Naturally, her toes glided against the ground, her weight shifting to a point against Damon, perfectly synced with the music.
You'll never know how slow the moments go till I'm near to you.
Waves of adrenaline and pleasure overcame her, and her pride wouldn't let her phone in her movements. The vampire took another step backward, and she began improvising, dancing her right toes in and out of the gaps between his legs, landing her foot as soon as he stepped back to center.
I see your face in every flower
"Nice, maybe if we just bend our knees a bit," he whispered again, flushing goosebumps from her neck to her spine.
Damon gripped her back and hand tighter as they lunged backward, mirror images of each other. Her spine curved around his fingers, melding into her back, supporting her, dominating her.
Your eyes on stars above
Her left foot met her right as Damon walked them back upright, her hips swaying left and right as she stayed on point. The witch became incredibly aware of the tingling in the base of her spine as if it was coiling around her like a snake whose tail was rattling into her warm and wet center. She was losing the battle against herself.
It's just the thought of you
He was back to center, and instinctively, her right leg lifted high, greeting his hips reentry into her atmosphere. Her bare leg hiked slowly up his dress pants to his hips as her hips widened until she could practically smell her arousal on her panties. Bonnie was so embarrassed she didn't know what had gotten into her. She couldn't help herself; her toe turned out perfectly. Bonnie bent her knee reflexively until her inner thigh nearly caressed his backside. She felt like she was in a dream, a naughty daydream.
The very thought of you, my love
"Now it's a Tango," he whispered, sounding breathless. He stepped back, letting her hips widen ever so much farther before walking her into place again. They spun around, moving rhythmically and seamlessly as if they had practiced for hours.
At that moment, Bonnie became hyper-aware that dancing was never this good with anyone else. It may never be as good with anyone else. The ease and effortlessness of their movements were supremely rare. The chemistry Bonnie and Damon had was once in a lifetime if you had a lucky lifetime. It scared her.
Bonnie wanted to run, but the way he was leading her was hypnotizing. She was biting her lip, holding her breath, and blinking excessively like a mad woman on the verge of something Bonnie shouldn't be feeling.
Bonnie swore he was picking up on her because she saw the sudden shift and darkening of his blue eyes, bright blue like quick-blooming cornflowers standing tall in summer after breaking through frosted snow. She needed to break his spell, but her body couldn't resist following his lead.
The gentle notes filled the air on static clouds from the radio; starlight was returning to their playground—the warm orange glow of the street lights making soft shadows on Damon's gorgeous face. Bonnie's heartbeat was loud, vibrating through her entire body like she was one giant pulse.
"This is one of my favorite songs," Damon started to croon the words, and Bonnie felt like she was in imminent danger of feeling something very inappropriate. Even more problematic than her sudden desire to climb Damon like a tree.
"The very thought of you makes me want to puke," she sang out roughly, her throat hoarse and shaky.
Damon momentarily stared at her, deadly serious. She worried that she had offended him. Bonnie forced an apologetic smile, feeling like a nervous wreck, but she still wasn't sober-minded enough to get herself out of Damon's very addicting grasp.
Then she heard his laugh. It was like a gurgling echo from the back of his throat. It then transitioned into a higher-pitched sucking of air before a thunderous boom. His laugh was like the caw of cruelty announcing the end of a long, hot day. It brought a thousand tingles to her ears like the symphony of crickets in mid-June.
Suddenly, the words, shall I compare thee to a summer's day began to resonate in her brain. She wasn't sure where the thought was coming from, only that she knew that was the only thing to which she could compare Damon's laugh.
Bonnie was laughing too, not as loud, but with her tongue between her teeth—chin high and proud of her victory over him. Damon was blushing, his fingers intertwining with hers rather than cupping her hand formally.
"This is our song," he announced triumphantly.
"We do not have a song; it wouldn't be this one if we did."
"Oh, I think it is. This song describes how you feel perfectly."
"Ha, more like it describes your delusional mindset."
"Come now, Bonnie, we know the only one suffering from delusion is you."
The mere idea of you
"What is that delusion, Salvatore?"
the longing here for you
"That you are not falling madly in love with me," he joked, but Bonnie felt he was taking their game too far. Especially since, well, she wasn't feeling her usual feelings.
You'll never know how slow the moments go
"I wouldn't fall in love with you even if…"
Till I'm near to you
"I was the last man on Earth," Damon crooned, the music rising as he spun her one last time.
I see your face in every flower
"Maybe not today, but someday I'll charm you just like the other girls," he lowered his head, grinning into her face.
Your eyes in stars above
"Over my dead body," she replied, returning that same grin that made them look like their noses would touch.
It's just the thought of you
A sickening thought crossed Bonnie's mind: what if we did? What if we accidentally kiss?
The very thought of you, my love
The final notes were still ringing in her ears, and Damon lowered them into a last dip. Instead of lifting her, his lips met her neck, sending heat waves down her body. Bonnie wanted to scream, but she couldn't breathe. She had forgotten how to breathe as if the song had cursed her.
"Dear God, you are beautiful," he whispered into her neck before he lifted her.
Shocked, Bonnie was finally breathing, albeit raggedly.
Damon's eyes were hazy, his pupils dilated like he would die of an overdose any minute. His presence was looming over her like a dark cloud of lust boring itself deep into her tissue, weaving into her molecules. Damon wouldn't stop staring at her like he was a wolf and she was the moon. It was enough to make her long for him. It was enough to break her. Thankfully, it started to rain, and Bonnie could finally wrestle from his arms.
Bonnie escaped to the porch, turning off the radio while Damon stayed on the lawn. The regular early morning rain shower started to fall a little heavier. Damon stood there with his face in the sky, perhaps, hoping the rain could wash away what had just occurred.
Bonnie knew they had both felt it, a wild attraction that felt like being too close to an open flame. Yet they danced around it like Icarus flying too close to the sun, dopishly indulging in feeling the daylight against their skin for the first time in years. In their case, they were experiencing intimacy for the first time in months.
It shouldn't have been surprising that it would happen. Bonnie and Damon, in a few short weeks, had grown to like each other as people. Couple that with their ever-present attraction, and it was a recipe for disaster.
It was a recipe to fall dangerously and madly in love with someone she could never truly have. Bonnie refused to do that. So she put up her defenses as she always did, in the back of her mind she wondered if she would regret it.