Chapter 14:
Conviction
Rini
"Magic requires a second component, mana."
The caster sat across from Rini on the wood floor of his tree home. All the drapery was drawn closed, casting the room into darkness with only a candlestick in a holder between them on the floor. Its flame illuminated the angular contours of his visage before her. His hands cupped in his lap, one cradling the other. They had just concluded her routine meditative, breathing exercise. Rini felt comfortable but not quite drowsy as she sat with her legs crossed and her hands cradling each other, a mirror of Nouka.
"Once you have the focus you require," Nouka's voice said to her again, "you can begin to direct and channel your mana–even feel it flow through you and into your spell work."
She watched the candle's flame dance before her eyes, but she was listening.
"Now, bring your attention to the first mana point."
Letting out a breath, she could feel the flame inside her start to grow warmer. It warmed every inch of her, but as she took another breath in, she focused it around the end of her spine where Nouka had said the first "mana point" was. In the back of her mind, the guilty itch scratched at her; if only she had mastered or even known of this power beforehand, maybe then Mom wouldn't have died.
"Focus." Nouka's voice reminded her.
Shifting restlessly, Rini drew in another breath. Even though it was cool to her nostrils when it entered, it warmed up as it traveled down into her lungs and belly and by the time it departed her body on an exhale out her mouth. It was like she was a dragon breathing smoke in her mind's eye.
It was like lighting the first spark, her warm mana flowed up through the root mana point to the "sacral," just under her belly button. It soared then to her solar plexus, lighting her up like a little sun in her middle. Then it glowed in her chest, her throat, her forehead, and then the crown of her head. The mana points of the body as Nouka had described to her in previous sessions. Yet, there was no actual glow from her body, not the way she felt it should be. There was only the light of the candle's flame.
"Now, take your mana and encase yourself in it. It will take an egg-like shape, the point directed below and the rounder end above."
Rini imagined herself being wrapped up in an upside down egg, swaddled and warm. Instead of the warm feeling of a fire, her vision became golden with a hint of yellow, almost like the sun which her family was known for. She tipped to the side, falling over before the room itself began to spin.
"Eh?" she exclaimed.
She was inside what could best be described as a golden-yellow, egg-shaped bubble. However, it was still mostly see-through like a tinted glass window as she could see Nouka chuckling at her through it. Yet it didn't feel like glass did on her skin as her palms pressed against it with her fingers wide. While this was true, her hands did push against something firm and solid where the golden color glowed like a shell. It wasn't smooth or cool to the touch like glass should be. It felt almost like room-temperature wood.
"Good!" He applauded in the dark room. "This is really good, Rini! You manifested a mana shield, or sometimes it's called a 'bubble shield.'"
"This is an egg!" Rini protested as she spun around, trying to get up only to face-plant again and spin out of control. How was she to move in this new prison of her own making? Every time she tried to move her hand or knees, it swayed off balance and sent her spinning.
"Focus!" The caster insisted again. "You'll lose it if you get distracted. Also, you need to focus so I can help you."
Right. Focus. Despite the fact she was whirling around like a yolk in an egg. Take a slow breath in. Return to the breath when your mind wanders. Allowing the warmth to rush through her veins, Rini imagined being able to run around in a wheel–like when Ventus and Ethan decided to race down the hill by the castle in barrels before Eliza caught and chewed them out. Letting out a mighty dragon's roar, she started to scamper forward trying to make it roll in the direction she wanted to roll in.
But she hadn't worked out how to make it stop, so she rolled into the wooden table to the left and probably would have knocked it over if it wasn't also rooted to the wooden floor.
Nouka chuckled again. "Rini, imagine your bubble passing through the ground like a phantom and get to your feet."
Like a ghost.
Well damn if she hadn't seen enough of those in Poes. There were probably more around too since the little owl Ventus brought back had been living with them. He even went so far as to name it after Mom even though she was against the idea; Mom had been even more scared of ghosts than Ven was even though he insisted she was a retired Sheikah warrior as of late.
Focus. Return to the breath. Right, ghosts were sorta "there" but can go through things. Locked doors meant nothing to them.
Imagine the egg as a ghost. Imagine the egg as a ghost, she thought, flaring her nose as she stared at the golden egg, willing it to turn incorporeal. Still staring at the egg, which didn't lose its golden shine, she carefully got to her feet holding her hands out to balance herself in case she fell again. However, this time she didn't.
"Yes," confirmed Nouka. "That's it!"
She now stood next to the table, her feet on the wooden ground, the point of her egg disappearing into it.
"You can control what passes through and what does not," explained Nouka, standing up and facing her. "This shield can protect you from the magical attacks of others as well as physical ones. However, whether or not your shield can weather these attacks depends on how much mana you invest in it."
"Right," she said slowly before carefully prodding the shield. It didn't burn. It didn't feel solid anymore either. She didn't think it would but at the same time she wanted to make sure. "It's not fire. What is it?"
"It's your mana," stated Nouka. "You have manifested it into a shield. It can now interact on different levels of reality, rather than simply existing formlessly in your spirit field."
"So can all magic users do this?" she asked. She thought she could only control fire, but this could be useful too–especially since Ven had once again decided to go search for Aunt Amaya and Uncle Tori, and if they were going back out there having the ability to make shields would be great against the monsters which now prowled the fields and forests.
"Well, this meditation exercise is good for all casters in general," began Nouka, tucking his arms to the small of his back. "However, I was also curious if it would reveal another magic type in your arsenal. It seems like my hunch was correct. You not only have fire magic, but you also possess mind magic. They are related types, so it's understandable. Your ability to create the bubble shield in this way proves you possess it, as only those with mind magic can do this."
"Mind magic?" Rini asked, her own mind spinning like she had been previously. "That means I can do stuff with my mind, right? What else can I do?" She paused, her brain working quickly, and thought of a better question. "Can you do it too?"
It would be nice to have a teacher who actually had her magic type so she could start learning some actual spells for once. Before Ven decided to run off too.
Nouka sighed, crossing his arms, hands disappearing into the opposing sleeves. "Unfortunately, I cannot. I am a forest caster. I possess life, plant, and healing magics equally but only those."
Rini sighed. It figured they wouldn't get any breaks. As Anna pointed out the other day, it was just more of a reason to go find Aunt Amaya. While Nouka was a good teacher, there was only so much he could teach her if he couldn't do what she could. Auntie Amaya could do all the magic types.
"Okay, so I can do fire and mind, and I know how to do my mana points and make a shield. What now?" she asked, looking up at her mentor. "I want to be able to do spells. Shoot fire and stuff, you know?"
His green eyebrows tensed again as he said, "The third and final component you need in order to cast a spell is the incantation. As I am not a fire user, I do not remember the fire spell incantations my classmates used when I was at the academy. Luckily, the bubble shield is not quite a spell, so no incantation is required."
"Do spells usually need incantation?" she asked, saying the word slowly to make sure she pronounced it right. "And if egg shield isn't a spell, what is it?"
"It's your magical energy manifested–your mana brought to form on the physical plane of reality. Ordinarily, it is stored ephemerally–" Nouka stopped in his tracks suddenly. "Ahem, excuse me. Let me start somewhere else. Rini, can you touch your soul?"
"Uhm, what?" Rini asked before touching herself and then looking at Nouka as if he grew an extra head. "My soul is inside of me. How can I touch it?"
He chuckled. "There are some scholars who think that it may be the other way around. That it is our bodies that are inside our souls. It's just that it doesn't play by the rules of the world we are experiencing now. We cannot normally see, touch, taste, smell, or hear the soul, no?"
"That's right," Rini said, wondering a bit at what Nouka was getting at. He was explaining obvious things. You couldn't touch the soul, especially when it was inside of you. Maybe when you were dead but not when you were alive. What did this have to do with magic and incantations?
He seemed to notice the doubtful look on her face and stifled a smile. "It is our souls that create magical energy known as mana. You cannot touch this energy anymore than you can the soul. Yet you were just whirling around on the floor like a dropped egg with that shell made of your mana. Only the difference is you can touch it. It's this same energy that powers spells. The only difference between you and other casters is that you can make your mana solid."
Nouka paused to study her expression. Rini hummed and tapped her chin.
"So magic is basically part of my soul that can be used, and we need to say words to make magic happen but not all the time?" she asked after taking a moment to shift through what he said. It was a lot but she got the basic gist of it.
"Only certain casters can make mana solid like you just did. Those are mind casters, this is how I can test for this type of magic in others. I could do the same meditation you did but my mana cannot manifest for I do not possess this type. Yes, you do require an incantation to cast a full spell. Yet part of the process of casting a spell is similar to manifesting your mana. Yet the words–written, spoken, or gestured–are needed for spells which are capable of much more complicated is why I cannot teach you fire or mind magic in their entirety."
"Wait, gesture?" Rini asked, picking up on this piece of information. "You mean like sign language?"
"Sort of," said the caster hesitantly, staring at her carefully for a breath. "These words are special. They are not quite the same as the words you and I are speaking to each other now. They were discovered by scholars, sages, and other spiritual and academic leaders of our peoples'."
Rini tapped her chin once more at that. So magic was special words that were found, so yelling things like firebolt wouldn't work. But if they were spiritual would that mean they were like prayers? Using mana required focus, so if she focused on her prayers would that mean she could use her magic?
"So how were they discovered? Could I discover these words?" she asked after a moment.
Nouka smiled again as he answered. "The quickest way is to learn them from those who already know them. Our ancestors invested a lot of time and effort into discovering these words in the first place. It took generations to complete one spell sometimes."
Rini clicked her tongue a bit in irritation, hands shifting to her hips. She wanted to have some working knowledge of spells beyond this mana shield when Ven decided they were going to leave and look for Auntie Amaya and Uncle Tori, but it was quickly becoming apparent they were lucky she could even do this much.
"Is there any way I can learn more advanced spells?" she asked. "I know you said you don't do fire and mind."
Nouka sighed, eyes cast down doubtfully. "You are not at a level where you would have the ability even if you had the Words. You still need to work on your focus and visualization. Manifesting mana can help you do so as it is a key part of spell casting."
Soon another soft smile shaped his lips. "I have one other technique I can show you."
Rini's eyes light up. "Show me!"
The smile strengthened on his face. He motioned for her to come closer. Her bubble shield had faded with her attention. He sat down cross-legged on the floor and gestured for the girl to follow him.
Rini practically dropped to the floor in front of him, crossing her legs the same way he did, leaning forward waiting for the next instruction.
He brought his hands before himself, about stomach level, cupped as if holding an invisible ball. "Hold your hands like his. Imagine a little pinprick of light at the center, like a star in the night's sky."
Studying the way he was holding his hands, Rini awkwardly positioned them, needing to adjust them a couple of times. Letting out a breath, she stared at the space between her fingers, imagining a star there, like the ones she had gotten well acquainted with as they slept in the canopy of trees away from monsters. Beautiful yet so far away.
Like the egg shield before, the golden light twinkled to life between her hands. Rini gasped and brought it up to her face to get a closer look. The little light started to flicker like it might go out. Rini squinted her eyes and scrunched her nose at this, willing for it to stay there so she could look at the pretty light closer. It soon stabilized.
"Good," crooned Nouka. "Now, let that light grow so that it is a ball between your hands, make it solid, try to push in on it and feel it push back."
A ball? Easy. Focusing, she imagined it growing to the size of one of the balls they used to throw around, recalling the worn down leather which encased it. She felt something push against the skin of her palms and fingers. Instead of leather, there was no texture. It felt merely like a barrier pressing back. Neither hot nor cold to the touch. She could play with the size at will; the ball shrank, and her hands adjusted to it until she was cupping it at the size of an actual egg. Then it swelled back up to a size that rivaled Ventus' head and her hands expanded out again.
"Is this like a bubble shield?" she asked, tossing it up and catching it. "Can I make it into existence by thinking about it?"
Another chuckle tickled her ears. "You already have, but there's more you can do than shield yourself from an attack."
"I can use it to attack others?" she guessed, tossing the ball up and down now, doing her best to keep her concentration on it. Her throwing arm could use some work if that was the case, but it was better if they needed to defend themselves. It wouldn't stop Ventus from running in head first like an absolute moron swinging his sword, but being able to do more than protect his stupid ass with a shield would be great.
"Yes," Nouka confirmed. "Hold your ball still in your hands for a moment."
Catching it as it came down, Rini held the ball still, looking at Nouka expectantly.
"Now I want you to make your ball float off of your hands. So that nothing but your will is supporting it."
"Okay, uhm." Rini scrunched her nose as she stared at the ball.
Float. Float. Float. Float. Float. Float. Float. Float.
Her topaz ball of light lifted off her hands and hovered there in the air. Rini's eyes lit up at this as an idea came to her.
Spin around the room. Spin around the room. Spin around the room.
The ball did just that. It whizzed around her like a little glowing fairy. She was so shocked she lost control of the orb, and it smashed into the wooden wall, shattering almost like a glass sphere. The pieces flickered like sparks that died and faded into nothing as they hit the ground.
"Careful," he warned, unsurprised.
The shock lasted for a few mere seconds before she pointed at where the ball smashed against the wooden wall. "Did you see that? I made it spin around the room!"
Nouka chuckled. "Yes, very impressive. Though I would advise you to be more careful with your next one. You wouldn't want to run out of mana before we get to the good part, right?"
"There's a good part?" Rini asked incredulously. This was already great, but the way Nouka was talking it was about to get better.
He could barely contain his own smile. "Yes, make another ball."
Rini looked at her hands and started to focus on a ball appearing in each one.
"No, no, just one for now," he chidded. Rini pouted slightly but put one of her hands down and began focusing on making only one ball appear instead of the much cooler idea of two. It floated above her palm, radiant and solid.
"Now, you must pay very good attention to what I say right now," he began, the smile dropping from his lips, his features becoming flat and solemn. "What I am about to teach you is a lot more dangerous than what you have learned so far. You must be much more careful than you just were. Manifested mana appears able to become solid at your will, no? There's something else it can do if you wish it to."
"You must summon your intent to…" he paused for a moment, hesitating, "do harm. Focus it in your ball, feeling it make the ball heat up."
"Like fire?" Rini asked.
Nouka shrugged. "I suppose like anything you wish."
Fire? Easy. It drew her in, alluring in the way it danced. Ven always mocked her saying she was just like a moth, but if she was also someone who could do fire magic, maybe she could set the ball on fire.
Squinting her eyes, she focused on just that.
The ball grew golden yellow flames, but her fingers were still cool. The energy had only taken the shape and movement of flames on a ball. It produced no heat. Rini frowned at this. Fire was supposed to be hot. Why wasn't it hot?
Come on get hot. Like actual fire.
Nouka's chuckle seemed to know something. Yet, his smile faded as he stared at the girl and her attempts. "You forgot the intent to do harm."
Intent to do harm? Right. Who did she want to harm? To see hurt?
Ganondorf, for killing their father. The Gerudo who killed Uncle Killian. Perseus and Hikaru, for wanting to kill her and her brother for standing up for what was right. The monsters that circled them every night when they had nowhere to stay. She wanted to hurt them, like they had hurt her and her brother. See them suffer, like they had. They hadn't done anything wrong yet they were the ones getting hurt.
It wasn't fair. Rini wanted to even the scales so they would think twice before trying that shit again. This feeling focused on her ball made the heat of a small candle wash over her hands like warm water.
Yet it wasn't hot enough. Not enough to capture the building rage which had been inside her for the past ten months. The indigitation of being turned away from the village they had considered their second home and just told to accept it. Starving to death in Sakirven Village because the locals were too much of a coward to put them to the blades and stay their suffering. The fact she had to keep her elder brother in line so he wouldn't kill himself and leave her all alone because he was too fucking selfish to look beyond his own pain.
For nearly a year now, Rini forced herself to keep a calm head. To think two steps ahead because the fact they were children meant nothing now. But everyone had a tipping point, and Rini finally opened the lid on the water which had been boiling nonstop.
Yet with all the shaking in her hands this built up rage caused and the creaking of tension in her fingers, her little warm star began to flicker. Her jaw ground together with an aching pressure. Soon the long, slender fingers of Nouka cupped around hers gently to stabilize them. Her star did not get hotter.
"Intent to harm doesn't always mean to do so with anger. There are times we have to hurt someone to protect ourselves or others, right?" His soft voice provided her a beacon to focus on.
Rini frowned, taking in some breaths, not realizing how hard she had been breathing. Wasn't wanting to take revenge against people who harmed her 'an intent to do harm'? Unless she had to really mean it. Like to focus on making them hurt? She thought about when she had cut herself on a knife when cutting food recently. That hurt. Maybe if she focused on doing that to someone else?
"Hmm," hummed her teacher as he tipped his head up in thought, "perhaps we can use another word? To be effective at all even in self-defense, you must have conviction in your strike. A strike with no will is no strike."
More heat washed over her hands, like water warmed itself as it gushed.
"That's enough."
Rini stopped concentrating on the wound as it felt like she was holding her hand over a crackling fire. Between her hands floated a golden orb the size of a small ball. Looking at it, it had none of the alluring beauty of a dancing flame, but it was still pretty all the same. She stared at it quietly for a moment.
"I'll be able to protect people with this too?"
"Yes." Nouka's hands fell away from hers. "That is a sphere of your manifested mana. Yet, unlike the one you made before it's not solid exactly. That heat is as real as it feels from that far. If you touched it to your skin, it would burn, you see?"
"Does it burn because I have fire too?" she asked, looking up.
His green eyes met hers. "No. It burns with your will as it would with those that command mind magic." He smiled. "But it's not odd to feel it's similar."
"Will it get hotter once I get better at Fire magic?" she asked, concentrating on the orb to raise up a bit. It lifted at her whim.
"No. It will get hotter the more mana you channel into it, though there is a key difference in this attack than the first one. You can easily make your mana solid and strike this way. If you want it hot, you have to strike with conviction, the will to harm. The more mana you channel the hotter it will get or the harder and more force your solid mana can withstand. Does this make sense?"
"So if I want it to hurt a lot, I need to put more energy and focus into it?" she surmised.
Nouka bobbed his head. "A change in your intent will make it hot or solid. As you meditate more on your mana pool you'll start to get a sense of how much energy certain things require as well as focus. You'll begin to have a sense of when you are low on mana as well."
Rini crossed her arms and nodded thoughtfully. She was starting to finally be useful, instead of just hiding behind Ven all the time. All she needed was a bit more time.
###
Rini groaned as the early morning sun caressed her face like a warm hand. Last night's training with Nouka went on longer and was more involved than the previous ones. It was the first time she was making real progress after so many days of getting absolutely nowhere. She felt tired yet energized at the same time.
"Ven, get–" she grunted, patting at the spot where her brother was usually sprawled, taking up way too much room only to find nothing. Frowning, she sat up and stared at the empty space. Weird, he typically wasn't awake before her. That's when she noticed another person wasn't around.
Anna.
Quickly tearing the room apart looking for her friend, tossing pillows and blankets around, only to not find her. Once again her thoughts quickly turned to Ven–the only culprit she could think of. After all Nouka wouldn't be the type of person to steal her dear friend, and Anna was way too big for the little owl chick Ven was beginning to carry everywhere to just cart away.
"Ven!" she yelled, throwing down a pillow and storming down the stairs. "Give back Anna!"
Yet Ven didn't answer. He wasn't even downstairs. Neither was Nouka. Instead Anna was sitting at the table looking at the dancing fire. The yellow yarn which made up her hair fell slightly in front of her button eyes which were currently mismatched in color though close to identical in size. A simple green dress, accented with old, faded white lace, covered her cloth body. Yet when the floor creaked under Rini's weight, Anna looked over at her, lifeless button-eyes gleaming in the flickering fire light.
The doll's head turning on its own wasn't the only odd thing about this Anna. She was big. Before she moved, she had thought maybe Ven had made an extra big Anna with the help of Rose. As she moved, Rini could only stare, frozen, wondering desperately if this was some sort of prank being pulled and not a very funny one at that. Shouldn't Ventus and Nouka jump through the door and start laughing at her?
The big Anna stood up out of her chair and took a step toward her. That's when Rini screamed and scampered up the stairs on all fours as fast as she could, once again yelling for her brother, but for an entirely different reason this time.
She heard a voice call up after her, a familiar voice. "Rini, wait!"
Rini paused and looked behind her, feet frozen on the stairs, still ready to run at a moment's notice. But there was no way she couldn't recognize Anna's voice. The companion who always made sense in a world which was beginning to make less of it. The doll hadn't stopped moving though and nearly tackled her. Anna was now almost as big as her. Her cotton-stuffed arms wrapped her in a hug.
"Rini! We have to go!"
"G-go?" Rini spluttered as she looked back at Anna. "But we just got here. It's safe! Where are we going?"
Anna's button eyes met her stare. Her threaded lips did not move, but Rini heard her voice as if she had a mouth to speak with. "Doesn't matter! Not here!"
And with that, the doll hefted her up and over her padded shoulder and started walking down the stairs. Rini, shocked for a moment at getting manhandled–or rather dollhandled–began to pound on Anna's back, not wanting to use magic to hurt her friend but not appreciating the kidnapping either.
"What? No! First off, Ven isn't here, and second, I want to stay and learn! I'm tired of running around and looking over my shoulder, waiting to see if monsters are behind to eat us! I don't want to sleep in trees anymore!"
Anna charged through the door and was making her way to the path. "Don't struggle. We can't get stuck here."
"Why not! We're safe here! Nobody is trying to murder us!" Rini cried, now actively struggling to escape Anna's grip, to remain where it was safe. Where she knew she would be sleeping and when she would eat. To have someone who could actually protect them now that Mom and Dad were gone, as well as Uncle Killian. They didn't even know where Auntie Amaya and Uncle Tori were. Why risk it all when they found this oasis in the storm?
Anna was strong, but she lacked fingers. Rini was able to wriggle free. Standing up she found herself in the tree tunnel, the one she and Ventus passed through when entering Sickle's Hollow. Safety to the left and the wooden gate that led to outside the woven wall of trees. Anna's cloth arms hugged her from behind.
"It's not safe to sleep here!" she cried out.
"Why not?" Rini demanded, stomping her foot. Nothing Anna was saying was making sense for once. What wasn't safe was outside where monsters and the undead prowled. Even inside Sickle Hollow she could hear the howls and creaking of bones on especially quiet nights. She knew they were close when Ven would stay awake with a pillow over his ears, back to her so she wouldn't know he wouldn't be getting any rest that night. Wouldn't know how close the danger actually was.
"The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave!"
"And why would I want to leave?" Rini pressed. "The danger is out there–" and for emphasis she pointed to the path leading outside of Sickle's Hollow. "That's where the monsters are, remember? Where we have to steal and scavenge whatever we can? Here we're safe! Here we have food! You're not making any sense, and you're supposed to be the smart one."
The doll lifted her again, arms still embracing her in a bear hug, but she started running in the direction that Rini pointed–lifting and carrying her off her feet.
"There's no time to explain!" They approached the woven tree gate. Rini sucked in a breath and then exhaled sharply, pulling her arms in so that she was smaller than before. She pulled herself down–straight out of Anna's arms.
"Rini?" A warm voice shifted her focus to her left again. Nouka stood at the open tunnel end, smiling at her. "Where are you going?"
Anna's arm hooked around hers and pulled her toward the right. She could hear the wolves scratching and growling at the gate.
"If I'm smart then trust me!"
And as Rini opened her mouth to answer suddenly a large downpour of water crashed upon her and as she spluttered and coughed, opening her eyes once again, she was back in her room, Ven hovering over her with a now empty glass.
"V-Ven, what?" she asked, looking around to see Anna was by her pillow, small as she ought to be but staring at her with expectant eyes. Something in her stomach twisted uncomfortably at the expression her dear friend was giving her, and she gently pushed the doll face down so she couldn't look at her like that anymore.
"You were having a fit and screaming in my ear," he said, putting the glass to the side, rubbing at his ear. "Are you okay though? Looked like you were having a nightmare."
"Yeah," Rini muttered, wiping the water from her face. "I'm okay."
She glanced at Anna once again before looking away.
I'm safe.
Right?