A/N: I'm baaaacckkkkk. Full disclosure, I am in grad school, which means my upload schedule is bound to be somewhat erratic. Send me 4.0 vibes and I'll be able to update more frequently. :)

Reviewers! Thank you for your questions/comments/input! It means a lot to me to know folks are still reading and following this niche little story. :3

As a total fucking side note, I told ChatGPT to write a romantic NaruSaku fanfic, and it was on the fucking nose. Super dumb and fluffy but still, the accuracy was hilarious. Highly recommend you play around with a bot if you're bored.

And yes I know my chapter headings are as inconsistent as my upload schedule. Read on. XX

CHAPTER 15: Fire Escape

She remained there hunched over the railing for what felt like ages, waiting for the nausea to abate. But even as the churning in her stomach ceased, a more unpleasant sensation took its place: a dark, burning self-contempt. How had she, the Hokage's apprentice, ended up here, hammered and hurling off a fire escape? When exactly had she transformed from a sharp, promising young kunoichi into the most devastating of teenage clichés? She had fought adversaries prepared to hurt far more than just her feelings, yet she couldn't withstand a single social event anymore without running away in tears? What the hell had happened to Haruno Sakura, the astute student, the brave warrior, the steadfast friend, and who was this pathetic mess of a girl that stood in her place?

Whoever she was, she fucking hated her.

A sob escaped her throat that seemed to fill the otherwise silent alley, echoing off the brick; she clapped her hands over her mouth to strangle the sound but could do nothing to curtail the cascade of tears that followed. She was trapped there, she realized, with the revolting person she'd become, too drunk to make the three-story jump to the street or chance the rickety ladder to the apartment below. Her running had led her to a dead end at last. She would have to wait until she was sober enough to either safely descend or brave the party again, although the latter idea made her want to shatter into a million pieces. Despite years of toil and so much progress, she was still, ultimately, the helpless little girl who always needed rescuing, now a full grown coward. A coward that fled from all her problems, who lied to her friends; who played with the hearts of those closest to her then left them in the dirt. Cursing herself, she crumpled over the banister, finding the cold, coarse embrace of the iron bars exactly the comfort she deserved.

"You okay?" came a voice much gentler than the ones in her head.

Sakura jerked towards the window. Who else would it be but Naruto, perched effortlessly on the ledge despite the half empty cup he brandished. As happy as she'd been in his presence before, she would've crawled out of her skin to get away from him now. He was the last (or second-last) person she wanted to see her like this.

"I'm fine," she barked, drying her face on her sleeves as subtly as she could. The surliness of her own voice made her cringe, but she couldn't help it. Like a cornered animal, her only hope was to scare the interloper away. "What are you even doing out here?"

He smirked, unfazed by her tone, and produced a pack of cigarettes from his flannel pocket. "Oh, you know, just getting some fresh air," he joked.

Before she could say anything else he had hopped onto the landing next to her. The platform shook as he alighted, sending another bout of dizziness through her skull. If she barfed in front of him he might leave her alone after all, she mused sadistically, grabbing the railing for balance, but she didn't know if she would survive the sheer embarrassment. Plus, knowing Naruto, he might stick by her side anyway. After all, there he had appeared again; his habit of racing to her rescue seemed as ingrained as her tendency to flee.

"Here," he said, lighting a cigarette and extending it towards her. "It'll help with the nausea."

Resigning herself to his company, she sighed. As mortifying as it was, she thought better than to deny that she'd been ill; she must've looked like hell for him not to let her light the damn thing herself.

"Thanks," she mumbled, taking the cigarette. She turned back to face the alley, hoping the dark would shield her tear-stained face.

"No problem," he replied, lighting one for himself. "I know it's not the remedy Tsunade-obaachan would recommend, but it works."

Despite her miserable mood, Sakura snickered, remembering the many stories she'd heard about her mentor's gallivanting. "Actually, I'm sure Tsunade-sama is well familiar with this whole scenario."

Naruto chuckled. "You're probably right."

He leaned against the railing next to her, following her gaze into the placid night. The windows of the opposite building were all dark, the curtains drawn over the unseen lives of their inhabitants. Sakura wondered vaguely if any of those strangers had ever felt as low as she did then, as lost and pitiful. Had they ever stared at the ceiling all night, haunted by their own bad choices, or did they all rest easily? Did the memories of their dumb, teenage mistakes still plague them, or did one forget about them with time? She yearned to be back in her own apartment, in her own bed, safely locked away from the chaos that had become her life.

Sakura glanced at her counterpart, realizing that neither of them had spoken in quite a while. He was still staring into the distance, cigarette clamped between his lips. It was odd, alarming even, to see him so quiet, so contrary to his usual, bombastic self. Only then, as she considered his profile in the dark, did their reality register in her pickled brain.

She was alone with him, again. Her carefully curated experiment had gone awry and she had stranded herself with him, unsupervised, plastered to the fire escape. Between barfing and crying she mainly trusted herself not to jump his bones for once, but that was only half the issue. If he'd wanted to confront her about the night after Rock Bar, her bizarre behavior, their whole sordid affair, now was certainly his chance.

Her fingers trembled as she brought the cigarette to her lips. She could almost hear the words before he uttered them…

Sakura-chan…Is this really happening?

When he opened his mouth to speak, her breath caught in her throat.

"You're gonna have to talk to him eventually, you know," he said.

She blinked at him, her mind reeling from everything she'd imagined he would say. This certainly wasn't the topic she'd anticipated, but it wasn't much better. Her behavior toward Sasuke had become almost as shameful as her entanglement with Naruto, and apparently even more blatant.

When she didn't respond, he retreated. "Sorry. You probably don't wanna talk about Sasuke right now, huh."

"No, you're right," she managed, finding her voice at last. "I know. I can't keep avoiding him forever."

He regarded her in silence, his face betraying nothing of his thoughts. More than ever Sakura disparaged herself for drinking so much; if she'd had her wits about her she might've been able to gauge his feelings.

"So what's stopping you?" he asked, frowning.

"Well," she sighed, taking a timid drag of the cigarette, "for starters, I can't get within five feet of him without wanting to cry or punch him in the face," she admitted. To her relief, he laughed.

"That sounds like a good enough ice-breaker to me."

"Hmm, I was kind of hoping for something a bit more eloquent when the time comes," she returned, mirroring his grin. She marveled at the fact that he could bring such levity to a subject that had her sobbing only minutes before. Maybe that was why she was drawn to him, she pondered; even in her lowest moment, he had found a way to make her smile.

"Okay, fair," he went on. "So what comes after the crying and punching?"

She paused, considering the cigarette between her fingers, watching flakes of ash float off the tip and into the abyss below. "I don't know. I've never made it past the crying."

Naruto ran his free hand through his hair, looking skyward as he did when he was parsing through a problem. For whatever reason, he was really trying to help her confront her Sasuke issue. "Is that what's holding you back? That you don't know what to say?"

She thought about it then shook her head. "No. I think it's that I've got too much to say," she said, her smile souring. "I just don't know where to begin."

He considered her, the intensity of his gaze piercing through the dark, but said nothing. Then an idea came to Sakura that was either ingenious or absurd - in her current state, she couldn't tell which.

"I know it's not fair of me…to keep avoiding the conversation," she began slowly. "...But I'm just not ready to talk about it."

Her cheeks burned furiously, but she forced herself to hold his gaze, scanning his face for any inkling of understanding. She was speaking as much about Sasuke as she was about their own ordeal, her inability to face the truth of the night they'd spent together. Just as she began to fear she'd been too vague, his eyes rounded, lips parted in a startled gape.

"Yeah, I get that," he said at last, clearing his throat. Even in the dark she could tell his face was stark red. "A lot has happened…between you two. I can see how it'd be confusing."

Relief washed over her like a cold rain after a drought. He seemed to have understood her insinuation and, moreover, accepted her ambivalence. She could hardly believe her gamble had paid off.

"Yeah," she said, hands shaking as she turned the cigarette between her fingers. She dropped her gaze back to the alley as their loaded eye contact became too much to bear. "'Confusing' is an understatement."

Silence fell again, and she began to fear that she'd been too cruel. Was it okay to say she was confused? Or was that a massive slap in the face? She tried to look at him out of the corner of her eye but couldn't make out his expression for the shadows, his head tilted toward the empty street. Maybe it was the nicotine, but her head began to spin anew, wondering what he could possibly be thinking. Was he confused too? Or was he still as into her as he'd ever been, as certain of his hopes for them as he was of his own name?

"Don't stress too much, Sakura-chan," he said finally, tapping a mountain of ash from his cigarette. When he turned to her, he was smiling as if nothing heavy had transpired between them. "You're smart. You'll figure it out."

She blinked at him, bewildered by his ability to be kind to her even amidst their strife.

"I dunno…I kinda feel like the biggest moron in the entire world lately," she said, cracking a morose smile.

"You've got some stiff competition for that title tonight," he joked. "The others are probably halfway through an orgy by now."

He was kidding, but it didn't seem far from the realm of possibility.

Sakura shook her head, scowling. Her temples were beginning to ache. "Ino's my friend and all, but I never want to go to a party of hers again."

"That's fair," he laughed. He took another swig from his cup and winced. "Ugh. If she's your friend, why is she trying to kill all of us?" He dropped the butt of his cigarette into the cup with a sizzle, holding it out for her to do the same. Their prolonged smoke break was over, and as much as she'd dreaded being alone with him that night, she suddenly wished it didn't have to end. Puking on the fire escape seemed like paradise compared to facing Sasuke and the rest of their rowdy cohorts.

"Ready to go back inside?" he asked.

She sighed, steeling herself to pretend like she hadn't been sick and crying. "Only to get to the front door."

His smile seemed to cut through the darkness as he considered her. "Good enough."

Naruto pitched the cup into the alley, landing it deftly in the dumpster, then strode back to the bedroom window. His hands alighted on the sill when he froze. "Oh shit."

"What?"

Squinting into the darkened room, he started laughing loudly and unabashedly. "I think we might need another exit route."

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU PERV!" came Ino's voice from the bedroom, followed by a pillow violently thrown at the window.

Sakura's jaw dropped. "Oh God, is she-?"

"Getting busy? Definitely." The light came on in the room, signaling their imminent demise. Naruto dashed back across the platform to her side. "Okay - plan B."

Without warning he yanked her flush to his chest and leapt from the fire escape, landing on the opposite building's roof just as Ino appeared at the window, clad only in her bathrobe. The sight of her red-faced and fuming grew smaller and smaller as Naruto soared on. Sakura barely had time to process the hilarious image and question where he was taking her by the time they landed.

"I think this is your stop," he managed, out of breath but still laughing. Slowly Sakura realized they were standing on her own balcony, a safe five blocks from Ino's. She had been spared reentering the party after all, from facing all their friends - and Sasuke - in her shameful state. Naruto had saved her again, even in a small way.

"Thanks," she managed, stumbling as he set her down on the concrete. Maybe he didn't trust that she could stand in her stupid heels, but his hands lingered on her waist even as she alighted.

There they were again, different balcony, same situation, she thought, her eyes wandering to meet his. If she hadn't gotten wasted, this night might have ended very differently, she supposed, conscious that her bed was only a few steps away - but that thought made her head swirl again. She held onto him for balance, clutching the worn fabric of his jacket between her fingers.

"You okay?" he asked.

She nodded slowly so as not to rattle her brain around her skull. "I'll be fine. I'm just gonna go straight to sleep."

"Drink water," he admonished, smirking. He seemed aware of the irony of him giving her advice.

She rolled her eyes. "Definitely."

He released her at last, and again, all she could feel was the absence of his touch. Well, that and the renewed churning in her stomach and the pounding in her head. Smoking was only a temporary cure for nausea, it seemed. As much as she wished she could stay in the comfort of his presence, she knew she was in no state to do so.

"Well, thanks again, for helping me," she managed, grasping the door handle. "Are you going back to the party?"

"Hell no," he scoffed. "Ino's got a target on my back. I'm just gonna call it a night. Besides, I'm hoping we can still practice tomorrow, if the rest of the band survives the party."

The thought sent a shiver up her spine in the cold, night air. Did that mean she was supposed to attend practice tomorrow? She couldn't even envision getting out of bed.

Before she could ask, Naruto's eyes lit up with sudden excitement.

"I almost forgot - here." He pulled something from his jacket pocket and placed it in her hand. It was a cassette tape, her name scrawled in his chicken-scratch across the label. "You do have a stereo, don't you?"

For a moment, she forgot about the curdling in her stomach. A grin took over her face. "I do. What's on it?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, but his smirk revealed how pleased he was at her reaction. "A bunch of stuff. Grunge, metal, classic punk. Some inspiration for your song-writing."

There it was again, the invitation - bordering on insistence - that she contribute to his music. For whatever reason, he wouldn't let the point drop. She couldn't imagine that he found her drunken karaoke voice or the one song she'd scribbled so incredible that he simply admired her musical abilities. Was having her in the band just a way to spend time with her, to rebuild their friendship? At the very least, it must have meant he wasn't totally repulsed by her yet, even after her pathetic display that night.

"Cool. I'll check it out," she said, trying to suppress her excitement. It wasn't very 'punk rock' to beam with glee about something as banal as a mix tape, was it. Still, she clutched it tight in her hand, determined not to drop or dent it. If its contents were anything like Naruto's music, she couldn't wait to hear it. She recalled how she'd felt the night at Rock Bar, hearing the band for the first time, losing herself in the clamor and energy of the music; how free and unencumbered she'd felt, if only for a few moments, before making the series of shitty choices that had all but upended her life. She couldn't go back in time, but if she could go back to that feeling, that was something at least.

"Thanks," she said, hoping that he knew she didn't just mean for the tape. In that moment, she owed him so much. He'd come to her side when she felt like shit. He'd rescued her from the stupid fire escape and gotten her home in one piece. He'd tried to talk her through her Sasuke dilemma, and, above all, he'd agreed to keep ignoring what had happened between them, at least for the time being. No words could capture her gratitude to him, but "thanks" would have to do, until she could finally make it up to him and fix things.

"Don't sweat it," he said. He stood with his back to the moonlight, once again uncharacteristically quiet and serene. Could she even call it 'uncharacteristic' at this point? Throughout the past week, she could hardly recall him goofing off, joking around, or otherwise making a fool of himself. Had his boyishness become a casualty of their tryst? Or had he been this way for a while, his transformation unnoticed while she absorbed herself in a world of silly, selfish occupations?

Or was it just as Ino had described:

Did she simply view him differently now that she'd seen him naked?

"Well, good night," she said, pushing the thought from her mind hastily. The last thing she needed was to fixate on that image and lose whatever modicum of control she had over herself.

"Good night, Sakura-chan." His gaze lingered on her for a split second, just long enough for her to question if he meant to say something more. A second later he was gone.

She slipped inside the somber dark of her apartment, laid the tape carefully on the side table, and relinquished herself to the bed, fully dressed.