Chapter 18: Iscariot

Mary I

Wednesday, 4 May 1977

-through Myrtle and into the eye of a basilisk!

Mary's immediate fear vanished as she found herself lying in a bed in the Hospital Wing. She blinked a few times before feeling something small and warm nuzzle up from under the covers and poke its head out. "Morning, Brandy!" Mary said with a smile as the cruppy began furiously licking her face. "Hi, girl!"

"Miss MacDonald, how are you feeling?" Madam Pomfrey approached the bed and sat beside her. "What day is it?"

"The 20th," Mary answered, furrowing her brow as she finally picked Brandy up and set her on her lap. "Why?"

"... Miss MacDonald, today is the 4th of May."

Mary froze. "W-what?!"

"You were petrified for a time, but we've managed to develop potions to help revive you and the others."

Mary looked around the Hospital Wing and finally noticed that James and Sirius were busying playing chess, while Adrian Creevey and Dirk Cresswell were reading through the newspapers with wide eyes, whispering to each other about what had happened since their incapacitation. Myrtle was floating in the bed next to Mary, also petrified.

"Madam Pomfrey? What about Myrtle?"

"Ah yes, one moment." Madam Pomfrey walked over to Myrtle, a small vial in hand, and simply dropped it through the ghost.

Myrtle suddenly came back to life and let out a shriek of surprise, which startled everyone but Mary. "Where am I?!" she asked in a panic before looking around. "Oh, hello, Mary."

"Hi," Mary replied, almost amused by Myrtle's sudden change in demeanor. "We were petrified."

"I thought so," Myrtle said. "You know, that's exactly how I died!"

"Really?!"

"It was the exact same pair of eyes looking back at me!"

"But… why am I not dead?" Mary hadn't thought about it until she remembered the nature of the basilisk's stare. "Sev said it petrified people through reflective surfaces."

"Yes," Pomfrey said, "he'll probably know more about it than me, I'm afraid, though I doubt he'll be stepping out of his room anytime soon-"

"He's free?!" Mary's heart leapt. "He's out of Azkaban?! Can I go see him?!"

"Let me check you first." Pomfrey waved her wand in front of Mary. "... hmm, you should be fit. His door's been locked by Professor McGonagall, so he can't open for you."

Mary didn't care. She took Brandy up in her arms and threw herself out of bed before running through the castle, unable to hold back the smile on her face. She hurried up the staircase and onto the fourth floor, rushing down the corridor and stopping outside of Severus's room. "Sev!" she called out, pounding on the door.

There was a silence before a response came. "... Mary?"

Mary was thrown off a bit. Severus never called her 'Mary'. "I just got unpetrified," she continued. "How are you feeling?"

"... I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"The chocolate." Severus's answer made Mary tense up. "It's my fault that you and McKinnon…."

The memory of the hearing came back to Mary in full force. It was a hard pill to swallow, knowing that Severus was capable of something like that, but he wasn't entirely to blame for what happened. He had to know that.

"It doesn't matter if Mulciber was the one who did it," Severus said through the door, as though he could read Mary's mind. "I taught him. If I'd known what… I wish I'd met you sooner."

Mary felt her eyes well up. "I've already forgiven you for that."

"... I've done enough, then?"

"No," Mary said. "If you'd told me before we were friends… I'd like to think that I would've forgiven you."

"I wouldn't have deserved it."

"I don't care. Whomever I forgive for whatever reason is my business."

A longer silence passed between them, and Mary started wondering what was going on in Severus's mind.

"Sev?"

"Thank you." Severus's voice was low and quiet, but lacking any sort of vulnerability or emotion. But Mary knew, or had a feeling, that this was his way of expressing gratitude. "... I don't really know what else to say."

"I'm sorry about what I told Lily," Mary said. "It wasn't my place to say anything."

"... I don't care about that anymore," Severus replied.

"Why not?"

"... I know Lily wants to make amends," Severus said. "I think I want that too."

"What's stopping you?"

"... I'll never be who I need to be."

"You can't talk like that," Mary said.

"It's true. I'm barely even myself."

Mary didn't know what that was supposed to mean, but she didn't like it. "Why not?"

"I went mad near the end of last year, the morning after my Defense exam." Before Mary could comment, Severus continued. "And it was only then that I started to change for the better. Or at least, I tried to. What does that say about me, if madness is what fixed me?"

"... do you remember when you met me outside my common room and asked for Lily to come talk to you?"

"... yes."

"That's the Severus I know. Going mad didn't change who you are; it just scared you a bit."

"... I think I needed to hear that…. Fuck, I wish I could open this bloody door."

Mary failed to hold back a laugh as a few tears slid down her face. Brandy reached her head up and began licking her cheeks. "Me too," Mary said. "How about we meet up after you're free?"

"I'd like that. Mary?"

"Yeah?"

"... I'm glad you're back."

"... thanks, Sev." Mary smiled, even though Severus couldn't see her. "I better go see Lily and Marley."

"Take care."

Mary hurried to the staircase, Brandy snugly against her, as she went up the staircase and to the portrait hole. Of course, only now did she realize that she'd been petrified long enough for the password to have been changed.

"Excuse me, Fat Lady?" Mary asked. "Could you let someone know I need help getting in?"

"Of course, dear," the Fat Lady said. "It's good to see you again."

"Thanks." Mary waited patiently as the Fat Lady moved her head out of frame for a few seconds. She then came back into view and said, "Someone's on their way."

The portrait suddenly opened, and Marlene appeared. Her eyes were wide at the sight of Mary, and her mouth quickly grew into a smile. "MARY!"

Brandy started wiggling around, and Mary put her on the ground so the cruppy could run over to Marlene and play at her feet. Marlene quickly closed the distance between them and hugged Mary hard, and Mary hugged back. Pulling back, Mary said, "Did I surprise you?"

"Of course, you bloody did!" Marlene said, tears in her eyes.

Brandy ran into the common room, and Mary could hear a commotion coming from within. Remus and Lily poked their heads out, along with a few other students. Soon, Mary found herself surrounded by everyone as they warmly welcomed her back, either by patting her on the back or shaking her hand. However they chose to do it, Mary remembered what it had felt like when she first came to the Gryffindor common room and met her new housemates. Back then, she had been too timid to enjoy her new surroundings. But now, after everything that had happened this year, she was happy to see that everyone was alright.

Remus I

Saturday, 7 May 1977

Everyone was happy to see Mary and Brandy back to their usual selves, and Remus found himself at peace for the first time. Snape had slain a basilisk, everyone was unpetrified, and the girls had all reconciled enough to not be down each other's throats.

Remus was still feeling sore from his last transformation, and the color in his face hadn't returned just yet. Being in the dorm room with the boys felt too cramped for his taste, and he found himself in the common room more often than not, at least when he didn't have obligations to the school. It would take some time to get back into the swing of things, but if Mary and the boys could do it, so could he.

A door opened from up above, and Remus turned to find Marlene walking down the staircase and into the common room. "Are you ready?" she asked, setting her Prefect's badge in place.

Remus nodded and stood up. "When you are."

Things were strained between the two of them; Remus couldn't figure out a way to explain his friendship with James and Sirius, and Marlene was clearly frustrated by it. The incident in the Chamber of Secrets had brought them closer for a short amount of time, but that was in the heat of the moment, and it was all to save Lily and help Snape. It hadn't been about each other.

As they left the common room, Remus said, "Can we talk?"

"About what?" Marlene asked casually, but by the tone of her voice, she seemed to know what Remus wanted to discuss.

"We should be somewhere private," Remus said.

"... fine. There's an unused classroom this way." Marlene led Remus to the door, which had seen better days, and opened it. They stepped inside, and Marlene closed it behind them. "What is it?"

"... you've…." Remus's breath caught in his mouth. "You asked me why I'm friends with James and Sirius."

Marlene's demeanor shifted from discomfort to slight anticipation. "I did," she said, deciding not to let it show.

"I told you that they've been there for me when I needed them. I didn't just mean about Mam's passing."

"What, then?"

"Marlene," Remus said slowly, "what I'm about to tell you might affect our friendship. And, if you decide that we shouldn't be friends, then I understand."

Marlene's expression was one of concern. "Remus, what did you do?"

"It's not…." Remus stopped himself. "It's not about what I've done… so much as it's about what I am." His heart was racing. When the boys had found out about his condition, it was because they'd followed him and figured it out for themselves. But Remus had never actually confessed his secret to anyone.

"What do you mean?"

Remus steadied himself by resting on a dusty table. In one breath, he said it. "... I'm a werewolf."

Marlene first responded by a disbelieving smile, which broke into a sudden laugh that lasted for a few seconds. After the fit had passed, the smile slowly shrank, her face relaxing, her eyes slowly widening, and the former look of amusement shifting into that of fear. "... what are you on about?" she asked, as though she thought he was mistaken. "You're not…."

Remus nodded wordlessly.

"... but…." Marlene looked too stunned to continue her sentence.

"I was bitten when I was young," Remus explained slowly. "Long before Hogwarts. Mam and Tad didn't think I would be permitted to come here in the first place, but Dumbledore made an exception-"

"He knew?!" Marlene's shock had turned to outrage. "He knew what you were?!"

"He knew who I was," Remus corrected her. "As I said, he made an exception for me."

"... you leave once a month," Marlene said. "You go back home to transform?!"

"No," Remus answered. "Dumbledore had the Whomping Willow planted to hide a tunnel that goes into Hogsmeade. The Shrieking Shack, to be more precise. No one else was supposed to know, but James and Sirius found out and…." His voice trailed off as another expression formed on Marlene's face. Horror. "I-I know that it can't be easy to hear this," he said gently, desperately hoping she wouldn't run away, "and I'm… I can't tell you how sorry I am to tell you this-"

"Stop." Marlene's voice cracked, and she covered her mouth. "Oh my God!"

"I would never hurt you-"

"Stop!" Marlene exclaimed, tears now freely flowing down her face. "Remus, I- oh my God, it all makes sense now!" Her breathing had grown heavy, and while Remus thought it was due to the weight of the situation crashing down on her, her next words disturbed him. "I have to tell you something."

"... what is it?"

"Do you remember when we celebrated Sirius's birthday?"

Remus nodded.

"Sirius and I got drunk, but… he was really, really piss-drunk, and he started talking about the tunnel incident from last year…." As Marlene collected herself, Remus's heart raced. "He said that he'd told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow by prodding a knot, and then… and then James found out, and-"

"Stop." Remus's voice was harder than he'd intended. Every gear in his head was turning as he thought this over. First, James and Sirius had lied about who entered the tunnel first, and now, Marlene was telling him Sirius had planned it. Did James know? From his own account, he'd been busy packing, and had only checked the map to see what Snape was doing when he saw him in the tunnel….

Remus froze. The map didn't stretch as far as the Whomping Willow, as they'd yet to expand its range; James had purportedly hurried as fast as he could to stop Snape, but if that was the case, there were two problems. Firstly, the tunnel had a low ceiling; while Remus was used to traversing it despite his height, James and Sirius weren't, which meant that they would naturally move slower through it regardless of how quickly they meant to travel from one end to another. Secondly, if James had seen Snape in the tunnel and had hurried, that meant that Snape was still on Hogwarts grounds; this meant that James, despite the height of the tunnel's ceiling, could have caught up to Snape and stopped him before he reached the shack.

But Snape had seen Remus at the end of the tunnel, in his wolf form, which meant that James could have only known where Snape was and been fast enough to reach him if….

"... he was in on it," Remus said brokenly, feeling his full weight rest on the desk. "They… they used me…."

"... Remus," Marlene said, slowly approaching him with her hand raised, as though he was some sort of dangerous animal. "I'm so sorry…. I didn't know."

Remus had felt a certain energy whenever he transformed under the full moon, an energy that made him lose his sense of reason in favor of hurting those around him. And right now, it was growing. He got off the table and marched toward the door, causing Marlene to jump out of the way in fear. Swinging the door open, he made his way to the portrait hole, speaking the password before heading inside and up the staircase to the boys' dormitory.

James and Sirius were busy studying for exams when Remus entered the room, his fist clenched. James turned and saw him, looking down at his fist warily before asking, "Alright, Moony?"

As though something feral had taken over, Remus launched himself at James and knocked him to the ground, raising his fist to strike.

"OI! MOONY!" Sirius shouted, and Remus felt the larger Gryffindor grab him from behind and pull him away.

Remus threw his arm back and felt his elbow connect with Sirius, and he felt the latter's strength give slightly, but not enough to break free of his hold on him. He was thrown to the side, his back hitting the wall hard. He turned his attention to Sirius, striking him in the groin before pushing him backwards. Sirius wheezed as he hit the floor, and Remus went back to pounce on James, who had drawn his wand. Remus drew his own, but he felt Sirius's press against his neck.

"What's going on with you?!" James exclaimed, a clear look of anger on his face.

"You planned it!" Remus shouted back. "You two are the reason Snape went into the tunnel!"

"So what?!" James's eyes widened as the words came out of his mouth.

"Look mate," Sirius said, his voice strained from the previous blow, "I just wanted to scare Snape; I didn't mean for him to get hurt! And when Prongs found out through the map-"

"How far in was he?!" Remus asked pointedly. "How far did Snape get before you spotted him?!"

"I don't know," James said, frustration in his voice, "a third of the way through?"

"... I knew it," Remus said. "In case you forgot, James, I never mapped out the Whomping Willow. Never got around to it."

James's eyes widened. "W-well, it was-"

"And another thing," Remus said, taking a step forward, ignoring Sirius. "If he was a third of the way in and you hurried after him, he would never have seen me. But he did. If you'd seen him two thirds down the tunnel, you'd never have reached him in time. But you did. No, you got to him just as he saw me. You were prepared, James! You knew what was going on!"

"Remus-"

"And when Dumbledore made him swear not to tell anyone, the rumor still spread. I never told anyone, and Snape would never admit to being saved by you. Marlene found out, and she had a different story than I did."

"Marlene?!" Sirius exclaimed, his anger growing. "Did she tell you about what happened?! You're going to believe her over us?!"

"She told me what was going on when she felt trapped by your relationship," Remus shot back. "And Mary told me that you never stopped going after Snape this entire year! That you've been lying to me this whole time!"

"Mary's friends with Snape," James argued. "Do you honestly think she's going to tell the truth?!"

"Mary isn't a liar," Remus snarled back, "and she's certainly not mad. And since the two of you are both, I'm more inclined to believe her and Marlene!" Remus lowered his wand and looked at the three boys in the room, having barely noticed Peter's cowering presence. "I trusted you," he said, feeling something break. "You were my friends, and you used me to…."

"Moony-"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Remus roared. "I'm not some tool you get to use to scare Snape! I'm a human being, and you treated me like your own pet monster! Was that why you came out to see me on those nights, just so you could have your fun?!" His throat burned as he turned to Peter and asked, "Did you know?!"

"N-no!' Peter said, shaking his head furiously. "I swear, I never- I didn't know!"

Remus was silent for a moment as his chest tightened and relaxed. "You know," Remus said quietly, looking at each of them before settling on James, "I get why Peter would be involved; he doesn't want to rock the boat. I get why Sirius would be involved; he's paranoid of what Snape might try to do. But you, James? You don't make any sense to me."

"Wait-"

"Thank you for being there for me," Remus said, cutting Potter off, "but I don't need help from traitors like you."

Remus turned and hurried out of the dorm room, down the steps and out into the corridor, not taking a moment to stop and calm himself down. He couldn't breathe, and he needed to be somewhere, anywhere that wasn't here. He soon found himself entering the Astronomy Tower, stopping on the staircase and sitting down as he took in everything that had transpired. He knew that, eventually, he would have to go back and share a dorm room with them… unless he chose to sleep on the couch in the common room; then again, he'd eventually have to pack his belongings for the summer holiday.

"Remus?"

Remus jerked his head up at the sudden voice. It was Marlene, her face full of confusion, hesitancy, and (surprisingly enough) concern. "... they used me," he said quietly. "I asked them to leave Snape alone, and…."

"... I had a hand in that," Marlene said, taking a single step forward. "You can talk to me-"

"Well, I can't, can I?" Remus asked, almost with a laugh. "According to you, dark creatures have no place here."

"No-"

"You said as much about Snape. How am I different?"

Marlene was silent, as if taking in Remus's question.

"... I'm not, am I?" Remus asked.

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't answer my question," Remus pushed. "How am I different?"

"You're my friend!"

"You said you had a hand in the bullying," Remus said. "When I asked them to stop. How are you my friend?"

"I…." Marlene fought with herself in finding the right words, "Remus, I just…."

"Just what?"

"... I'm sorry-"

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why are you sorry? Are you sorry for what you did, or that you were wrong about Snape?"

Marlene said nothing.

"I want to be alone," Remus said, his previous anger starting to wane and leaving him tired.

"I'll… can we talk later?"

"No."

Marlene brow furrowed as a look of defeat appeared on her face. "... if there was a way that we could talk-"

"I don't want to. Besides, you have the girls. You don't need me around."

"I told you not to shut me out-"

"And you went behind my back." Remus looked back down at his shoes and steadied his breathing.

"... if you change your mind, let me know."

Remus didn't respond. Instead, he sat silently, hearing Marlene depart and walk down the adjoining corridor. He was done with the boys. He was done with Marlene. Only Lily and Mary remained, but they were once again friends with Marlene, so odds are they would try to bridge the divide. He still had Tad, so there was some comfort.

Remus knew that he wasn't the only one who felt alone. There had to have been other students who had gone through a similar loneliness, though perhaps not under the exact same circumstances. Maybe they had the right idea, if they were surrounded by people like James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. And Marlene McKinnon.

Lily I

Tuesday, 10 May 1977

Lily was standing side-by-side with Severus, Marlene, Remus, and Peter in front of Headmaster Dumbledore, who was currently sitting at his desk with a cup of tea. Severus's hair was now shoulder-length, and there wasn't a speck of silver or grey in sight. He looked exhausted but moderately calm and collected. The others, on the other hand, definitely weren't.

Lily had heard about the argument Remus had gotten into with Marlene and the boys, about how they had never stopped targeting Severus, and so she understood why Remus didn't want to be there. Marlene glanced over at Remus a few times, a mix of hope and shame on her face, while Peter had avoided looking in his direction altogether.

"It seems that quite a bit has happened since my departure," Dumbledore said, his eyes locked on Severus. "Professor McGonagall has informed me that five of you were out of bed past curfew, four of you managed to find yourselves in the Chamber of Secrets, and one of you killed an ancient basilisk. Is there anything I'm missing?"

"Lily was being controlled, sir," Severus replied. "She was in possession of a black book." He took something out of his robes and presented it to Dumbledore; it was Tom's diary.

"I see," Dumbledore said, nodding. "I will examine it and see what happened. No doubt, you all know that you have broken quite a number of school rules and endangered your lives. Therefore…" Dumbledore's words hung in the air for a moment, Lily's anticipation building. "... each of you will receive 200 points and Hogwarts Awards for Services to the School."

Lily's jaw dropped open, and her eyes darted around to the other four present. Peter was equally surprised, as was Marlene. Remus seemed nonplussed, but not necessarily shocked, and Severus… well, he was about as expressive as she expected him to be. It was sort of endearing.

"Sir," Peter said, "all I did was get Professor McGonagall."

"You alerted the proper authorities," Dumbledore said, "and you chose to accompany her to where you believed Miss Evans to have vanished."

"I have a question, sir," Remus said cautiously. "Lily was walking with someone called Tom Riddle. Do you know him?"

"I do," Dumbledore answered. "I once taught him here around thirty years ago. He was quite intelligent, but he found himself going down a dark path he never returned from." A silence filled the room, which was interrupted by Fawkes's cooing. Dumbledore scratched the phoenix under his beak and continued. "In any event, it's fortunate that he didn't succeed in whatever he was planning."

"We're glad you're back, sir," Lily said.

"So am I," Dumbledore said with a smile. "And I'm sure Mr. Hagrid is as well. You are all dismissed, except for Mr. Snape and Miss Evans. Severus, would you mind waiting outside the office for a moment while I speak with Lily?"

Severus nodded. "Of course, sir." He, along with Marlene, Remus, and Peter, left the office.

"You may sit, Lily," Dumbledore said, gesturing to a chair that had pulled itself up. As Lily sat down, Dumbledore said, "Before I returned to the castle, I paid your mother and sister a visit, given their circumstances regarding your father."

Lily nodded hesitantly. "I see," she said, keeping her voice steady.

"To keep a long story short, your home in Cokeworth has been sold," Dumbledore said, which caused Lily's heart to sink, "and your mother has taken up residence with Petunia."

"... oh." Lily's leg began to shake.

"Fortunately," Dumbledore said, "your house is in good hands. You see, part of my visit was as a potential buyer."

Lily's eyes widened. "You mean…."

"I am the current owner," Dumbledore said with a smile. "Eventually, once everything has settled down and you've graduated, I would be more than happy to sign it over to you."

Lily couldn't help the smile on her face and the breath of relief that escaped her lips. "I… thank you, sir."

"It was no trouble," Dumbledore replied. "However, I feel I must be honest with you. You were in contact with Tom Riddle, correct?"

Lily nodded, and her previous cheer had shifted into one of anticipation.

"What I told you all is true; Tom was an exceptional student who traveled down a dark path and never returned. At least, not under his original name."

"What do you mean?"

"He has fashioned a new name for himself, one that most witches and wizards today not only know, but are too afraid to say aloud."

Lily didn't take more than a second to figure out what Dumbledore meant. "You mean…."

"... Lord Voldemort." Dumbledore's eyes darkened as he spoke the name. "It is my belief that he intentionally placed his diary in the school to open the Chamber of Secrets." He suddenly waved his wand, and a stone disk floated over to him and set itself down between them. "Lily, what I am about to ask you is very important. Did Voldemort tell you anything about what his goals were?"

"Well," Lily said, thinking about the night in the chamber, "he… he mentioned that I was bait for Severus."

"Yes, that sounds about right," Dumbledore agreed. "Did he say anything specific?"

"... I know he did," Lily answered. "I think he mentioned something about perfection?"

"I will ask you to think about that night in the chamber," Dumbledore said. "I will extract the memory, so I may see for myself. Of course, I won't do so without your permission."

"Will it hurt?" Lily asked.

"No, my dear girl," Dumbledore assured her. "It will feel more like forgetting one's thought."

Lily considered Dumbledore's request for a moment before nodding. "If it would help, sir."

As Lily thought about that time in the chamber, Dumbledore extended his wand and tapped the side of her head. He drew it back, and Lily could see a silver strand being pulled out of her head and into the stone disk. "That will be all," Dumbledore said. "Please have Severus come in."

"I will, sir." Lily left the office and went down the stairs, where she found Severus standing beside Marlene. "Hi."

"Ready to go?" Marlene asked.

Lily nodded, turning to Severus and saying, "Dumbledore wishes to see you."

"Right." Severus passed her, going up the steps into the office.

Lily and Marlene began walking down the corridor, and Marlene began by saying, "You know how you're planning on talking with Snape?"

"Yeah, why?" Lily was surprised by how… non-hostile Marlene sounded.

"Don't pity him."

"Marlene-"

"I know, I know! What I mean to say is that Snape hates being pitied. Just… don't treat him like that."

Lily found herself slowing down and stopping. "... Marlene, what happened?"

"What?"

"Why did you change the way you see him?"

Marlene looked away for a moment before saying, "I'm not really doing it for him. I need to make things right with Mary and Remus. And you."

"But not Severus?"

"I have the feeling it's mutual," Marlene said. "I think leaving him alone is probably the best I can do. Come on, Mary's waiting for us."

The two returned to the common room, where Mary was sitting with Brandy. The younger girl turned her head and said, "Remus told me about your awards!"

"I don't really think I did much," Lily admitted.

"I think it's more of the spirit of what you meant to do," Marlene said. "Rushing in to save your beloved."

"Beloved?!" Mary's eyes widened. "Does that mean-?"

"No, hold on," Lily objected, gesturing for Mary to stop talking. "It's not like that."

"I should hope so," Mary said. "You two need to fix things before you become an item."

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked. "Severus doesn't want to date me."

"... right, let's sit down," Marlene said, pulling Lily over to the couch. As the two sat down, she continued, "Lily, this is a sort of intervention."

"For what?"

"We know you want to reconcile with Severus," Mary said. "We think we have an idea of how you ought to approach this, once you two get the chance."

"I told her about pity," Marlene said.

"When did you two start planning this?!" Lily asked.

"Since Mary came back from the dead," Marlene joked, although her eyes didn't match her tone. "Anyway, the night we came to rescue you, I was talking with him."

"Right," Lily said.

"We didn't get too far, but he said something along the lines of… Lily, why do you love him?"

"What do you mean?" Lily asked defensively.

"In general," Mary said. "What is it about him that you love?"

Lily thought for a moment. "I suppose it's because of all he's done to change-"

"Stop," Marlene said.

"What?" Lily was confused.

"When I talked to him, he mentioned what he'd done for you. Back then, and I think right now, he thinks he has to keep doing things for you so that you keep loving him. He thinks he'll end up working himself to death, at this rate."

"That's ridiculous!" Lily exclaimed. "I'd never ask that of him!"

"You've been doing it all year," Mary said. "Well, until he went to Azkaban."

"... that…." Lily knew Mary was right. Severus had risked life and limb to save her from certain death, despite everything she'd subjected him to since the start of sixth year, and despite his frustrations with her after he'd returned from Azkaban. At this rate, there was a very high chance that he would end up dead. "... what do I do?"

"You have until the 29th to figure it out," Marlene answered. "We can help you with planning."

"... alright," Lily said. "Thanks, Marley."

"It was Mary's idea," Marlene said.

"Thanks, Mary."

"You're welcome." Mary stood up, and Brandy hopped down on the floor. "Let me get something to write with."

Severus I

Severus left Dumbledore's office with McKinnon, Lupin, and Pettigrew. Severus turned and faced the gargoyle while Lupin and Pettigrew walked down the corridor. McKinnon remained.

The two of them stood silently for a minute, until McKinnon said, "Your hair's normal again."

"Is that a compliment?"

"An observation."

"Hmm."

"... Remus told me about his condition."

Severus tensed up at McKinnon's words.

"And," McKinnon continued, "I figured out that Sirius tricked you into… well, you know."

"Right."

"Remus didn't know what'd happened, and he got upset. He's cut ties with the other boys."

"Sensible," Severus remarked. "What are you getting at?"

"... I'll be honest," McKinnon said, "I don't… I'm not particularly fond of you."

"Really? I thought you were positively smitten by my Slytherin charm?"

McKinnon scoffed. "But I care about Remus. For his sake… I'm sorry."

"... pardon?"

"... I'm sorry for this year," McKinnon clarified, albeit reluctantly. "And I suppose I'm sorry about the vampire rumor."

"... I'm…." Severus controlled his pulse and forced the words out. "I apologize for the chocolate incident."

"... right, that was you, wasn't it?" McKinnon sounded as though she only now realized who she was talking to. "Well… I was meaning to lose some weight, anyway."

Severus turned to face McKinnon. "... was that a joke, McKinnon?"

"... that felt wrong, didn't it?" McKinnon asked, as though she knew the answer. "Right, we're not there yet."

The gargoyle moved and revealed Lily as she came down the steps and out to see them.

"Hi," Lily said.

"Ready to go?" McKinnon asked.

Lily nodded, turning to Severus and saying, "Dumbledore wishes to see you."

"Right." Severus passed her, going up the steps into the office. He soon found himself standing before Dumbledore alone.

"It's good to see you again, Severus," Dumbledore said.

Severus knew this was the time to ask. He rolled up the sleeve of his left arm and showed his marked forearm to the headmaster. "What do you see?"

"What do you mean?" Dumbledore asked.

"Do you see the Dark Mark here?"

Dumbledore's eyes glanced down at the forearm before turning his eyes back to Severus. "... no."

"... why did you make me believe you could see it?!" Severus's blood was boiling; a drop of red had slipped out from under the cork. "When I was in Azkaban, when they stripped me, I thought they were going to see it. But they saw nothing. And yet, I can see it clear as day."

"Severus-"

"Why?"

Dumbledore's eyes dimmed, and he set his teacup down before folding his hands. "That was never my intention. I knew what you could see, and when I asked you how long you'd been seeing it, I was under the assumption that you yourself knew."

"And what would make you think that?"

"Were you not hallucinating notes in your potions book?"

Severus didn't answer. He knew that was the case, and he'd told Dumbledore as much.

"It is my fault for not asking you more questions," Dumbledore said. "Had I known-"

"You're a Legilimens," Severus shot back. "And you're not above using it on people who trust you."

"Only on the surface level," Dumbledore admitted. "I am so used to drawing my own conclusions and being right, that I sometimes forget I can make mistakes."

"That's a poor excuse," Severus said.

"I know." Dumbledore stood from his seat and began pacing his office. "I must ask something of you."

"Of course, you must."

"Let me finish. You know that Lord Voldemort was in possession of Lily."

Severus nodded.

"Then you must realize that he now knows her by name. I suspect he has seen enough into her mind to place her in danger."

"You think he will target her."

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes. Yes, I believe he will. He knows, to some extent, that she is dear to you, and he will once more try to use her to his advantage."

"What will you do?" Severus asked.

"With the passing of her father, I-"

"What?" Severus wasn't sure he heard correctly. "What are you talking about?"

"My boy, has no one told you?" Dumbledore asked, the surprise evident in his voice. "Lily's father passed away the week before your hearing."

Severus didn't process what Dumbledore said the first time, and he had to repeat it in his head once more before he understood. Now, he understood why McKinnon had shown such concern for Lily, and why Lily herself seemed so desperate to see him and speak to him. He couldn't say he understood what losing a father was like (not in the same way as most people), but he knew what loss felt like.

Was it the same as the first time?

I wasn't in her life to know enough. I only knew he had passed before we graduated.

"She may have her friends by her side," Dumbledore continued, "but perhaps, she may benefit from your presence as well. Which is why I will ask you, and you are free to refuse, if she may stay with you over the summer holiday."

"What?!" If Severus had been sitting, he would have stood up. "Are you volunteering my house?! She has her own!"

"With her father's passing, her family has been forced to sell. Fortunately, I was the buyer, but unfortunately, it is my belief that Voldemort has enough information to find her home and take her. If she stayed with you, under the Fidelius Charm, she would be safe."

"Why not place a Fidelius Charm over her house instead? Could she not keep living there with her mother?"

"If Mrs. Evans remains hidden, it will cause suspicion. It's better to assume that she moved in with her daughter in London than for her to go into hiding. And London is large enough that Voldemort's forces will have trouble finding her."

"There's more to this," Severus said. "I can feel it. What aren't you telling me?"

"... am I so transparent to you?" Dumbledore asked with a small laugh. "Very well. I wish for you and Lily to heal together."

"I will not take advantage of her grief!" Severus shot back.

"Then help her overcome it," Dumbledore pushed. "You care for you, and she cares for you."

"She cares for her Severus. Not me."

"What are you talking about?"

"When the professor reversed time, where do you think his Lily went?"

Dumbledore seemed to take a moment to think. "Well, perhaps the same place where my original self is?"

"Non-existent, then," Severus said.

"Well, if I correctly recall what you've told me regarding this matter, my other self told you that the souls of those who have not yet been born, but were born originally, are now waiting to re-enter the world. Correct?"

Severus nodded.

"If you'll excuse me from asking, do you honestly believe that Lily's soul has been destroyed, but also that her unborn son's soul still exists? Surely, it would be the other way around."

Severus paused for a moment. Was it possible…? "Even so," he finally said, "even if her soul is still around, it's not… the Lily you and I know has a different soul."

"What makes you think that? I assumed that Harry's soul remained the same after you reversed time and didn't simply split in two."

"If this Lily is my Lily, then I've erased her memories. Isn't that the same as killing her?"

Dumbledore was silent, much to all of their surprise. But after some time, Dumbledore asked, "Why would you want her to remember?"

"... she deserves to remember her life," Severus answered. "And I took that from her."

"Then make it up to her," Dumbledore said. "If you love her-"

"Don't you dare use that against me."

"I'm not-"

"Yes, you are."

"Severus." Dumbledore's eyes flashed with a white-hot anger. "Whether you choose to believe me or not is irrelevant. I wronged you in your first life, and right now, despite the urgency of our war with Voldemort, I want you to live a good life."

"Out of guilt!"

"Out of love, Severus."

"Yet you signed me up for thirteen classes. You did nothing to alleviate my worries of someone seeing the Dark Mark on my arm."

"Severus-"

"Fine," Severus said with finality. "Use me for your own ends. Move me around your board like a pawn. I'll put up with that. I'll gladly be manipulated, just as I was in my first life. But never pretend to love me. Because I will never love you."

The light in Dumbledore's eyes dimmed, and his face, which had once been hard, had gone soft. "... very well," Dumbledore said quietly. "You're dismissed."

Severus looked down on the old wizard, the red simmering and cooling down. Without a word, he turned and left the office, a bitter taste in his mouth.

Regulus I

Thursday, 12 May 1977

Regulus's hands were shaking as he read over the book he'd asked Kreacher to bring him from the family library: Secrets of the Darkest Art. Kreacher had explained, in vivid detail, exactly what had happened in the cave and the reason for the visit, making mention of a locket the Dark Lord had meant to conceal there. The house-elf had also given the locket the same description of the black book Regulus had smuggled into the castle: there was something dark about both objects, and given the Black family's connection to dark magic, the fact that Kreacher had noted it as dark was unsettling. And so Regulus read, until he knew exactly what he was dealing with.

Horcruxes.

The ritual to create a Horcrux was something Regulus wouldn't wish upon his worst enemy, and the detail which the book gave made him sick. He knew a few evils had to be committed for the good of wizarding society… but this was too much. Creating one Horcrux was heinous enough an act, and if there was a God, He would weep, but creating more than one was pure evil.

The Dark Lord was a monster, and Regulus had served him one too many times. No one would hurt his family and get away with it. He had to make things right, and the only way he knew how was to destroy the Horcruxes he'd helped ferry along, in one way or another. But he was a boy. What could he possibly do in this situation, against the most powerful wizard of his time, and perhaps all time?

"Do know that, should you ever be in need, my door is always open."

Regulus couldn't get Dumbledore's words out of his head. And given what else he had on his mind, he knew that he was in need.

Regulus put his Prefect badge on and strode out of his dorm and common room, careful not to draw too much attention to himself from the other students that were just clearing out of the Great Hall. he ascended the staircase, floor-by-floor, now wishing he'd been sorted into Gryffindor or Ravenclaw if only to have easier access to the Headmaster's Office.

As Regulus reached the gargoyle, he spoke the password, 'Fizzing Whizbees', and the gargoyle moved aside to present the staircase. He hurried up the stairs, preparing himself mentally for the encounter, only to find that the door at the top opened by itself. His mental preparation faltered at the sight of Albus Dumbledore sitting at his desk, looking in Regulus's direction.

"Mr. Black," Dumbledore called over. "I assume you wish to speak with me regarding something important?"

Regulus took a few hesitant steps closer, crossing the threshold of the door. "Yes, sir," he replied, keeping himself calm and measured. "I need help."

"What is it, my boy?" Dumbledore's voice was warm, and yet Regulus could tell that the usual light in his eye was dimmer than normal.

"I have made a mistake," Regulus said slowly. "And, in the process, those that I care about have been hurt."

Dumbledore nodded. He slowly moved his hand behind his desk, and Regulus heard a drawer open and shut. His heart all but stopped when a damaged, black book was placed before him. "And is this book involved?" Dumbledore asked.

Regulus felt his throat tighten as he nodded and blinked rapidly. "I was told to bring it into the school," Regulus continued shakily, "and I placed it with Miss Evans's belongings. Kreacher told me there was something dark about it, but I ignored him. I think it was involved in the attacks."

"You are quite sharp for someone your age," Dumbledore said softly, although the words only confirmed Regulus's fears. "Yes, it was responsible."

"Over the Easter holiday," Regulus continued, "I met… the Dark Lord."

Dumbledore's eyebrows went up slightly, but his eyes remained focused.

"He was pleased with me," Regulus said, slowing his jittering breath. "And he asked me to lend my house-elf's services to him in the future. Just after Snape came back from Azkaban, Kreacher appeared in my dorm room, and…." The memory of Kreacher, broken and beside himself, forced Regulus's throat shut.

"On your time, Regulus," Dumbledore said.

"... the Dark Lord made him hide a locket in a cave of sorts," Regulus continued. "Kreacher barely escaped with his life. If I hadn't offered his services, he would never have been…."

"And this is the reason you come to me for help?" Dumbledore asked. "You wish to break out of Voldemort's service?"

Regulus felt his blood warm at the thought. Was Dumbledore suggesting he wished to run away? He was no coward. "I want to destroy him," Regulus corrected, controlling his voice. "He petrified my brother. He hurt my best friend. And I will never let him get away with that."

Dumbledore seemed surprised by Regulus's response, but it was a subtle surprise, one which only the highly-observant could see. "You are prepared to contend with him?"

Regulus nodded.

"And you will work to the best of your ability to this end?"

Regulus nodded once more.

"Could I ask you to summon your house-elf?"

"Of course, sir," Regulus replied. "Kreacher?"

Kreacher soon appeared by Regulus's side, somewhat perturbed by the interruption. "Master Regulus wishes…?" Kreacher's eyes widened as he realized where he was.

"Hello, Kreacher," Dumbledore said kindly.

Kreacher looked at Regulus and asked, "Why is Master Regulus in Albus Dumbledore's office?"

"I told him about the locket," Regulus said.

"And I will require something from both of you," Dumbledore said. "Kreacher, may I ask you to recall your time spent with Voldemort in your mind? I will extract it and view it for future reference."

"And what about me, sir?" Regulus asked.

"You as well," Dumbledore said.

"... does it have to be the entire evening?" Regulus asked carefully.

"Are there things you don't wish for me to see?" Dumbledore asked.

Regulus reluctantly nodded.

"... in that case," Dumbledore said, "only recall the beginning and end of the period of time you wish me to see; the middle will fill itself out."

Regulus nodded, and he watched as Dumbledore took out his wand and walked around his desk and over to Kreacher. Placing the tip against the house-elf's temple, Dumbledore pulled back, and a silver strand came out. Dumbledore placed it into an empty vial before turning to Regulus, and he complied as well, focusing only on the moment he met Narcissa outside the dining room and when he spoke to Kreacher regarding his future role. He felt that night grow less vivid as a similar strand was pulled from him, placed in the same vial as the previous one.

"Thank you for your assistance," Dumbledore said.

"What will you do about the locket, sir?" Regulus asked.

"I will see to it myself, and-"

"Let me help," Regulus said hurriedly.

"... Mr. Black, it would not be appropriate for me to bring you with me."

"Kreacher can bypass the defenses," Regulus argued. "He could Apparate us directly to the locket, and then back to this office once the locket is in our possession."

"Would it be that simple?" Dumbledore asked.

"... well, no," Regulus admitted.

"Kreacher was made to drink a poison from a basin," Kreacher explained. "The poison made Kreacher feel such despair and thirst, that he went to drink from the water in the lake. But there were undead within it-"

"Inferi," Regulus added, interrupting Kreacher. "If Kreacher Apparates us to the basin, I could drink the poison, and you could-"

"I would not have you drink," Dumbledore cut in. "You are one of my students."

"I'm responsible for what's happened this year," Regulus said. "I refuse to sit idly by."

Dumbledore said and did nothing for a moment, but it was a long moment in Regulus's mind. Finally, Dumbledore said, "If I accept your help in this matter, I will ask that you do exactly as I say. Do you understand?"

Regulus nodded.

"Do you have your wand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Leave it on my desk," Dumbledore said. "You may feel yourself in danger and be tempted to use it. If you do, the Ministry will be alerted, and news may reach Voldemort."

Regulus did as he was told and set his wand on the desk.

"Kreacher," Dumbledore said, "if you would."

Kreacher looked to Regulus for confirmation, and Regulus nodded. With that, Kreacher took their hands, and all three Disapparated from Dumbledore's office.

Regulus soon found himself in pitch blackness, with only the sound of water dripping and echoing throughout. He knew this was the cave Kreacher had mentioned, but it was hard to believe anyone would want to come here. Suddenly, a light appeared beside him and floated from Dumbledore's wand and up to the ceiling, lighting the entire cave.

"Regulus," Dumbledore said softly as he peered into the basin before them. "May I borrow your Prefect badge for a moment? I will have it replaced."

Regulus nodded and took it off, giving it to Dumbledore. Dumbledore tapped the badge, and it became an exact replica of the locket Regulus had seen on the Dark Lord. The older wizard then waved his wand over the contents of the basin.

"Hold this," Dumbledore said to Kreacher. "Now Regulus, I will ask you to do something for me."

"Sir?"

"Take this shell," Dumbledore instructed, taking the large shell by the side of the basin and handing it to Regulus, "and feed me the poison. No matter what I may say or do, you must not stop until the entirety of the potion in the basin is gone. Do you understand?"

Regulus nodded as Dumbledore sat down. "Yes, sir."

"Good," Dumbledore said with some relief in his voice. "You may begin."

Severus II

Monday, 16 May 1977

Potions went about as well as Severus had expected it to go; just about everyone kept staring at him with a mix of admiration and/or envy, depending on whether Potter was involved. Pettigrew and McKinnon seemed indifferent, although the latter tended to check back, perhaps to check on Lily. Lily, meanwhile, hadn't said a single word to him since class started, although she'd seemed to have glanced at his hair on more than one occasion, only to look away when he showed notice.

Soon enough, Slughorn dismissed the class. While everyone else was packing, Severus remained at his seat, not even touching his cauldron.

"Are you staying behind?" Lily asked, breaking their silence.

Severus nodded. "I need to go over something regarding my essay."

"Alright." Lily stood awkwardly, cauldron and books in hand. Before she could say anything, McKinnon walked up with her own materials.

"Better let Snape get to it," McKinnon said. She leaned closer to Lily and whispered something in her ear.

Lily's eyes widened a bit as she said, "Right…. I'll see you around, then." With that, she walked off with McKinnon, leaving Severus in the room alone with Slughorn.

"Is something the matter, my boy?" Slughorn asked with surprise. "I admit, I don't recall you ever staying behind after class."

"Perhaps not," Severus said, standing. "I must not be myself today."

"Is there something I can help you with?" Slughorn asked.

"How many Horcruxes did Tom Riddle make?"

Slughorn's face turned from its normal reddish tone to pale white. "... what did you just say?" Slughorn asked incredulously.

"Tom Riddle went to this school during the Second World War," Severus pushed. "He built a following and then disappeared. But you know who he is."

"Did Dumbledore put you up to this?!" Slughorn's face was red once more, although this time he seemed angry. "I don't know anything about such a thing, and even if I did, I would never tell Riddle about such horrible magic!"

"He never charmed you?" Severus asked, pushing the question. "He never wrapped you around his finger and made you act however he pleased?"

"I won't stand for this!" Slughorn said explosively.

"And I won't tolerate such a selfish, cowardly man whose sole purpose in life is to weasel his way into the spotlight!" Severus had advanced on Slughorn, causing the professor to stumble back and knock into one of the tables. "Should I tell you how the Chamber of Secrets was opened, professor? Not this time, but the first time? Tom Riddle, descendant of Salazar Slytherin himself, opened it and killed Myrtle Warren with the basilisk, the same basilisk I myself killed. Did you not find it odd that out of all the possible students at the school, it was the Dark Lord himself who caught Rubeus Hagrid?"

"H-how did-?"

"Or perhaps I should educate you on the mysterious deaths of the Riddle family, Tom's estranged family, in Little Hangleton, how they happened to die under mysterious circumstances, only for a local wizard, Morfin Gaunt, to be found guilty?"

"Mr. Snape-"

"Or perhaps the death of Hepzibah Smith might jog your memory, a woman who was a known associate of Borgin and Burke when Tom worked for the company? A woman whose death resulted in Tom going missing?"

"I-"

"Do you know how the Chamber of Secrets opened again, sir? Were you not told that Lily found herself in possession of Tom Riddle's personal diary, a diary which so happened to have the power to manipulate and control others? How could a simple magical artifact have such power unless it wasn't as simple as it appeared?"

Slughorn didn't bother interrupting; he seemed to be taken in by what Severus was saying.

"It was a Horcrux," Severus said, relaxing his voice. "And I destroyed it. But I know it wasn't the only one he made."

"How is this any of your business?!" Slughorn asked, trying to regain some control over the conversation.

"Lily almost died because of Tom," Severus said. "All because he was trying to kill me. All of this is my business. Or perhaps you forgot about the prophecy made by Trelawney?"

"... you?!"

"Me."

Slughorn's face crumpled, and the old man began to cry. "I-I never meant- I didn't know what he was going to do-"

"Help me, sir," Severus pleaded. "Help me make things right. If not to protect the rest of the world, then at least to protect Lily."

"... what do you need?" Slughorn asked quietly.

"Your memory of the conversation," Severus answered. "For the Pensieve."

"... please don't think too poorly of me," Slughorn said, pulling out his wand and raising it to his temple. "I… I couldn't see him for what he was…." A silver strand was drawn from Slughorn, and it floated down into an empty vial that the man had retrieved from the table behind him.

Severus gently took the vial and looked at the light within.

"It is everything," Slughorn said, the exhaustion working its way into his voice. "All that I can give you."

"... you have done more than you know, sir," Severus finally said, meeting Slughorn's eye. "I will not let this go to waste."

"I think I'll retire for the evening," Slughorn said wearily. "Good night, Mr. Snape."

"Good night, sir." Severus left the classroom, sweeping his hand so that his belongings packed themselves and taking them in one of his arms before leaving. He placed the vial in his robe pocket and went directly to his room, setting his things down and taking the vial out once more.

It's done.

This part is done, yes. And with the diary destroyed, we are one more step closer to victory.

Severus put the vial back into his pocket. Should we go to Dumbledore now, or wait until after dinner?

After dinner.

It was decided, then. And with this decision, Severus felt ready.