Chapter Five: Hot Pursuit

…

"I licked the pea-shooter with a tooth board on the wheel of a white pumpkin. In a vase difference, it bleeds cold cream until the jelly eats a pasture. To your onions, I is a beef liver to da third bean of Clyde feet. Oh, but I see my future duck. She barks with two fallen castles and a pot with an evil skirt top. Run in a tree's intestines because my turnip forgets the nipples of fruity meat. Loose the tunes of a skimpy chicken leaf; the Keese be milked." Bamp. "I tackle a mule fer the angle of a port roast and a greasy knee." Bamp. "The man chugs a cheese cankle on a dairy. And it eats two pots like a calico bucket, you know?" Bamp. "Mega beans. Those are a future of prosperous tongue woggles. You must eat a jar when the last twinkle-twinkles fart on the sky boat." Bamp. "Cold monkeys shake their groove hole for the easy cuts, you know? But it doesn't matter because the cuddlefish dance in the hallway to the aftershow." Bamp.

"Losel, would you just shut up and eat the damn sandwich."

Link silently chuckled in response to March's impatience with the homeless man seated at the booth in front of them. This was after watching Detective Sergeant Navi, seated at a table nearby, knocking her head on the surface with her hair shifting between blue and maroon after each thump. Losel took March's demand with the air of a casual suggestion, shrugged as if he had to concede that it was a good idea, and leaned over the table to start shoving fries in his mouth.

"Thank the great ones, he shut up…" Navi moaned into the table.

"You asked him that on purpose, didn't you?" March accused Link.

Link shrugged. "Sometimes letting him rant clears his mind," he said. "There just isn't a lot left."

Navi raised her head and turned to him. "You aren't actually expecting anything helpful from him, are you?" she asked.

"Why not?" Link said. "Like I said, if nothing pans out from the pawn shops, we have this to fall on."

"And how many times has this man been fallen on?" Navi asked, her tone tinged with sarcasm.

"Well, no one actually falls on the guy," Link told her. "He's too big to not notice." Navi threw her hands up in frustration, causing Link to grin. "Losel has some pretty weird habits, but they come in handy every now and then."

"Officer March, what do you know about this man?" Navi asked. "Has he had a serious criminal history?" March snorted and quickly slapped a hand over his mouth while Link's grin widened. "What," Navi said with a flat tone.

March cleared his throat. "Well, to call his criminal history 'serious' implies you can read it without laughing," he explained to Navi. "He's been caught for theft over thirty times, but no one's ever had the heart to prosecute him."

"Why not?" Navi asked.

"Well, would you wanna prosecute a homeless man for stealing a teacup?" Navi's face blanked, her hair turning purple. "Or the skin off a cheese wedge? Or an empty laundry line?"

"You mean he's also a kleptomaniac?" Navi asked.

"Not really," Link said. "Sometimes, he just grabs things without thinking about it. What he doesn't accidentally destroy, he's perfectly willing to give back. Y'know. If you can accept that he stole a salt shaker because he has five feet."

"One of our psychiatry consultants explained that kleptomania is connected to anxiety or mood swings," March continued. "Losel doesn't really express either of those. If anything, he's just a massive dope."

"What exactly was he before he turned into this?" Navi asked.

"A mason," Link answered. He shrugged. "But, as it turns out, laying stone for a living doesn't exactly make you good with finances. He had to sell all his assets to pay off his debts, and he just couldn't get back into it. I think the thing that really stopped him, though, was the brick that fell on his head. He was trying to finish his last project, and some of his work came loose and cracked his skull."

"The emergency surgeons explained that he had a serious stroke on top of the injury," March said. "They don't know how he survived, but he's been living like this ever since. No family, not that he would be easy to take care of anyway."

Navi started rubbing her brow as her hair turned back to black. "Well, as fascinating as this man's life story is, I think we should get back t—" Ssskksskkkskskskskk— "Would you stop that!"

Losel immediately stopped slurping his empty drink cup. Then he asked Link, "What squeezed his turtle?" Link looked down to see that Losel had cleaned his tray of food and left on top of his trash some dirt, three screws, and a coupon for 30% off dried pasta at a grocery store in Kakariko Town.

"Well?" March asked.

"Well, what?" Link replied.

"What does all that tell you?"

Link glanced down at the tray in confusion. "That he has a hankering for pasta and there's a slide somewhere missing its rails?" Link replied. "What are you expecting this to tell me?"

"I am a two-foot ketchup!" Losel helpfully declared.

"You do this kinda thing to people all the time," March said at the same time. He glared at Losel before continuing. "What was the point in buying him a meal?"

"What, you mean other than 'our chief witness is a hungry, homeless loon, let's feed him so we can get a little more clarity out of him'?" Link told him. "I only do that to people when I need to see their hands."

"And, when do we get to the part where you talk to him?" Navi asked, one forearm planted on the table so she could prop her cheek on it.

"Don't worry," Link said. Then he turned to Losel. "Hey, Losel."

Losel's eyes widened a bit as if just realizing that Link was standing next to him. "Hey, Link," he replied in a clear tone that surprised Navi, causing her hair to change to grey.

"Were you over at Mayor Bo Park two days ago?" Link asked.

Losel nodded. "Yup."

"Do you still have what you found there? Can you show me?"

Losel looked down at himself for a moment. Then the trio watched Losel dig into one of the waist pockets on his jacket. Link took the empty tray and set it on the table next to Navi, who was sitting up straighter with her hair having shifted to green as she watched the homeless man. He produced four handfuls of dirt and set them on the table in front of him.

Link reached a hand to the pile and pulled out a cigarette butt. Then he used his other hand to brush the dirt away to reveal nearly a dozen butts. Other than one with an orange band, the butts were the same, white paper with two red rings, as was the butt in Link's hand. Link had to ponder the butts for a moment.

Then, he turned to March. "Did Catskill get released yet?" he asked.

March shrugged. "Wouldn't surprise me if he did. That his brand?"

"Well, it's less about the brand and more about their being so many of the same brand," Link explained. "I've seen him smoke a whole box waiting for a sandwich. It isn't very conclusive, but we probably oughta go talk to him."

"How far away is he?" Navi asked as she stood up.

"He lives in a residential area not far from here," March said as he started for the doors. "Bet he's there mooching off his mother again."

"Thanks, Losel," Link said as he set both the cigarette butt and a pair of one-Rupee coins on the table.

"I welcome ma pants," Losel replied as he stood up. In spite of Link having rushed after the police officers, he continued to rant at the air, "Be they a one-legged Rope or a lardy money, I cream the truth with my chest. Finger the apples or kiss the wall poster, that's what I speak. No one eats the bark like a gold bear! I AM LOSEEEEEEEEL!"

"Losel, get the hell out!" someone from the kitchen hollered.

"Great buckets!" Losel replied before grabbing up the coins and running for the door.

Link caught up with March and Navi just before they turned the first corner. Their pace was hurried, and Navi did not bother inquiring about Reed Kasill, nicknamed "Catskill" for his subtly and scrawny appearance. Link remained a few steps behind the officers.

Nearly half an hour of walking had passed before they arrived at the Kasill house, a rundown, one-story home hidden behind a half-built picket fence and an overgrown yard. The gate squealed as March pushed it aside.

The house clattered in response.

Link immediately dashed through the neighbors' open yard (receiving surprised looks from the old couple sitting on the porch) while calling to March and Navi, "He's runnin'!"

He heard the crash of an adult running through trees and bushes and followed the sound into a thicket. Almost immediately on the other side was a small field where a group of children were kicking a ball back and forth. At least, until Reed Kasill launched their ball toward the group of houses he was running toward, eliciting protests from the children. Catskill was a short man with pasty skin which gave Link a beacon to follow since it reflected sunlight well under the sweat coating his bare back. His pace was staggered, likely through injuring himself when he had escaped the house. Link easily caught up with him in the middle of the field and tackled him to the ground with a heavy grunt.

Link immediately grabbed Catskill's left wrist and twisted his arm around behind his back. "Hold it, hold it," he told the back of Catskill's head.

"I didn't do anything!" Catskill declared as he writhed under Link.

"Just hold still," Link said, his voice heavy as he tried to keep Catskill pinned to the ground.

"I didn't do anything!" Catskill repeated.

"You ran anyway," Link pointed out.

"I di—OW!" Link glanced over to see that Navi had pinned his right shoulder down with a knee and was closing a manacle around his wrist.

Link grinned. "Kasill, this is Detective Sergeant Navi of the Watch," he said. "I've been dragging her around all morning, so you might wanna cooperate."

"Oh, hell, n—d-OW!" Catskill suddenly shouted when Link pulled his arm as he tried to kick Link from behind. "You're not a cop, Fieldview; you can't do this!"

Navi twisted his arm behind his back and took the wrist Link was holding while Link shifted so that he sat on his knees, which he used to keep Catskill's pelvis pinned down. "Reasonable assistance in police matters," Navi told him. "Includes capture and restraint of suspects for police interrogation."

"I didn't do anything!" Catskill hollered just as March jogged up.

"Good work, Fieldview," March huffed. He took a moment to catch his breath. "We'll take him back to the street and search him."

"You're setting me up, Fieldview!" Catskill declared.

"Get off 'em, Link," March said. Link complied once Navi had his hands manacled together, and March and Navi hauled Catskill off the ground by his elbows. He added as they started walking, "This is why I'm glad I bring people that can run."

"I didn't do anything!" Catskill hollered in Navi's face. "Fieldview's settin' me up!"

"You said the same thing last month," March said. "We busted you for public brawling; we didn't need to go to Fieldview for that."

"He sets me up for everything!" Catskill declared. Link silently chuckled and shook his head as he followed them through the neighbors' yard.

"Your buddy told us his busted jaw was all you," March said.

"I wouldn't'a done that if I wasn't drunk! And Fieldview was the reason I was drinkin'!"

"You know, you'd do better if you actually took responsibility for what you do rather than blame Fieldview all the time." Once they reached the road in front of the Kasill house, March motioned toward the ground. "We'll search here."

"Hell no!" Catskill hollered as March dug a hand into his slacks pocket. His voice took on a flat, practiced tone as he slowly declared, "I… demand… an independent observer. I do not trust the Ordon deputy."

"Independent observer is for interrogation, not searching," March told him. "How long did you stand there practicing that in the mirror, anyway? You sound like a kid in a school play."

Catskill tried to jerk his arm free of March's grip. "Hey, where's your warrant?!" he snapped.

"Warrants are for searching property, not pockets," March said as he pulled out a box of cigarettes. He looked at the brand on the front. Then he turned to Link. "Uh, Fieldview? What brand is he supposed to smoke?"

"White Rupee," Link replied.

March showed him a brown package with a woman pictured on the front. "These are Smooth Delights," he pointed out.

"Well, when you can't afford your own, why not steal old lady cigarettes from an old lady?" Link answered.

"I didn't steal a damn thing!" Catskill hollered over his shoulder.

"So, if I ask your mother where you got these, she's gonna tell me you two share old lady cigarettes now?" March asked before dropping the pack on the ground.

"You're no—this is an illegal search!" Catskill shouted.

"Just shut up," Navi finally told him as she dug one hand into his other pocket.

Catskill immediately tried to pull away from her and bumped into March. "I want a lawyer!" he hollered.

Navi yanked him back and, with her free hand, tapped two fingers on the back of his neck. "I told you to shut up," she said.

"Bleeeeaaaaaaah…" was all Catskill could answer with, his eyes unfocused. March could only look at him in confusion.

Navi dug her hand into his pocket and checked what she had found before pulling out a clenched fist. She placed the contents in one of her breast pockets. Then she grabbed Catskill higher up on his collarbone and immediately shoved him to the ground. "Whoa!" March snapped as the move ripped Catskill's arm out of his grip.

The blow appeared to knock Catskill out of his daze. "Hey, what the fu—" he tried to say until Navi shoved his face into the paved road.

"Officer March, what's this man's full name?" Navi asked as she settled one knee in the middle of his back.

"Uh… Reed Kasill," March replied, confused by the sudden move to pin him to the ground.

"Reed Kasill, you're are being arrested under the authority of the City Watch of Hyrule," Navi said.

"Wai—what?!" Catskill hollered in fright.

"You are formally charged with theft and illegal possession of Crown property," Navi continued. "You may remain silent until you have access to an attorney. Should you fail to do so, your statements will be recorded for later prosecution. You will be transferred to the Hyrulia Holding Facility pending arraignment."

"No no no no no no no no…" Catskill started chanting, his voice breaking into sobs.

"Officer March, I need you to call a cart to transport this man," Navi said. "I'll hold him here."

"You sure you got him?" March asked.

"Hurry and find a phone," Navi told him. March nodded and started back down the road, bound for a phone two blocks back. "Mister Fieldview, I am quite disappointed in you."

Link raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah?" he asked.

She tapped her fingers on the back of Catskill's neck again. "Dooooo waaaaaa…" Catskill droned in response, his body turning slack.

"He did not have the earrings on him," she told Link.

Link grinned at her. "Necklace?" he asked.

She gave him a disappointed look. Then she reached into her breast pocket. "Necklace," she repeated, showing him a gold necklace with a garnet set in a medallion.

Then she gave him a half grin. "Better luck next time." Link just shrugged in response.